Baccanalia 2013

“I think that Finnish people can be quite cold, or appear to be so when you first meet them, but once they warm up to you, you basically have friends for life.�

Henno Parks

BACCANALIA 2013

Contents 4 5 6 10 16 17 18 20 22 25 26 29 30 32 34

Words From the Editor| Viivi Mustonen Words From the Chair| Tomi Rautaoja Board of 2013 | Riikka Salmela Anglica’s 55th | Katariina Kairavuo, Julia Hamara & Ville Niemi Drawings| Lilli Laine May I Speak Freely, Your Majesty?| Ronni Läpinen Juslenia Board Game | Mikko Suhonen Citizen of the World: Henno Parks| Viivi Mustonen A Quick View to Adivasi Life in Chhattisgarh| Fredrika Lahdenranta Poems| Janne Peltomäki The World Academic Kyykkä Games | Teemu Lamminmäki Barley Sludge and Urinal Cakes| Otto Lehikoinen & Timo Savela The aNoMaliES of Anglica in Tampere| Pirkka Hallamaa From The Arctic to Finland Proper| Sini Kaarrekoski The High Seas of Finland| Elina Karvinen

bacchanalia (ˌbækəˈneɪlɪə)

1. orgiastic rites associated with Bacchus.

2. any drunken revelry.

Editor: Viivi Mustonen Layout: Mikko Suhonen Printing: X-copy Anglica ry. 2013 Editorial staff: Tomi Rautaoja, Katariina Kairavuo, Julia Hamara, Riikka Salmela, Teemu Lamminmäki, Fredrika Lahdenranta, Ville Niemi, Ronni Läpinen, Sini Kaarrekoski, Lilli Laine, Elina Karvinen, Janne Peltomäki, Otto Lehikoinen, Timo Savela, Pirkka Hallamaa Cover photo: Fredrika Lahdenranta Photo editing: Julia Hamara

BACCANALIA 2013

Words From the Editor Viivi Mustonen

W

hen the time to write the traditional Words From The Editor for this year’s Baccanalia finally arrived, spring had already crept from behind the corner, and hibernated Anglicans and other elements of life emerged from their hiding places and ogled at the weird, perfectly spherical star which had resided in the sky. I, of course, can’t see it, as I am writing this in the dead of night. I will treat myself to the new Doctor Who episode when I am done, so beware of rushed choices of vocabulary and syntax beyond this world.

I am very proud of this year’s Baccanalia:the articles go all the way from India to Kittilä, accompanied by pictures of our beloved lecturers in their superhero attire, interviews (okay, one interview), and the main story of the paper: Anglica’s 55th Anniversary. It was beautiful, magnificent, add-here-as-many-wordsas-needed, and deserves its pedestal as our main course. In addition to the main article, we will also get a sneak peek about the organizing of the Sillis.

The epicness will continue with the special of the special, the Juslenia board game right in the middle of the sweet magazine you’re holding in your hands! Worry not, you do not need to keep a dice with you at all times, as you can enjoy the wonders of the game with simply a coin.

Editing Baccanalia was a lot of fun, as people were quite willing to write something. I didn’t have to go on a desperate hunt to get some poor soul to scrape a couple of words on a mangled piece of paper, aside from myself. People were active and enthusiastic (or pretended to be), and all came together without too much drama or threats. I’d like to thank Mikko for the excellent job he did with the layout, Julia without whom I would’ve been very lost and the people to whom I kept sending drafts of my own writing and asked repeatedly for criticism and then got offended when I actually received some.

Now as it’s time to enjoy the May Day festivities, we have the pleasure of reading what has been happening this academic year in Anglica.

Geronimo!

BACCANALIA 2013

Words From the Chair Tomi Rautaoja

So

here we are. Another year gone by, another set of courses completed and another set of trials and hardships endured. All this - however you look at it - is part of the life of a university student. As I am writing this, it is the end of March and I am really looking forward to have some time to relax. The anniversary week has passed, but I still have to make my BA thesis presentable in a week, as well as complete a few courses for the spring semester. To add to this, our board has had a very busy start for the year and it has taken a lot out of us.

Still, it has all been worth it. The anniversary was a huge success, and what could be better than to spend an evening (and morning) like that with your friends? Well, maybe not having to deal with all the fuss and stress accompanying the organizing, but that is the life of a board member. One thing is for certain: the night would have been nothing without friends and loved ones to share it with.

Not only was it imperative to have friends there to share the magic of the night but it was just as important, if not more, to have them there to share the stress and anxiety that resulted from such a humongous task. I have a feeling Kata and other members of the organizing committee will agree with me on this.

God knows how many times I had frantic (Facebook-)conversations with someone regarding the schedule, budget, or the fact that our new flag - which arrived at the last minute - had a bright, easter chick yellow instead of gold painted on it.

Without these people sharing those moments with me, I would have probably lost it a long time ago.

The chair’s contribution to Baccanalia is usually expected to convey a message. If I have one at this moment, it is this: cherish your friends and loved ones and always be open to new friendships that may arise even in the most unlikely circumstances.

You never know when you may need someone to complain to about the sorry state things are in, and chances are that person might make you see the light at the end of the tunnel.

“The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel�

Hamlet: Act I, Scene iii

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Anglica’s Board of 2013 Riikka Salmela

Have you ever wondered what the board members are doing when they are not sitting in a lecture room or organising parties at Lyni? No matter, we are going to tell you anyway. Read further to find out everything there is to know about the group of people collectively known as Anglica’s board.

Chair

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

Tomi Juhani Rautaoja, age: 24, Anjalankoski The best part of being Anglica’s chair is

the fealty of my leal subjects.

So far, my favourite course in the university has been:

Keith’s courses were always a lot of fun, so let’s say

Contemporary Societies & Institutions of UK & USA. If you see me on the dancefloor, the DJ’s probably playing

a joke on y’all. I tend to avoid dancing.

The US or the UK? Why? Canada.

Vice Chair

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

Julia Hamara, 22, Jyväskylä When I am not on board duty or studying,

I watch brainless lifestyle tv programs for hours,

because that’s the only thing I have energy for after

doing the above-mentioned.

So far, my favourite course in the University has been

Gender and sexuality in the Caribbean context,

because when else would you analyse the music video

of Shabba Ranks’ Mr. Loverman and gain credit points

for it? And I’m really into gender studies and stuff like

that, kind of.

If I was ever to attend a talent show, I would showcase

remembering Eurovision song lyrics from 2001-2005

by heart, even if they were in a language I don’t

know, like Macedonian. I can also remember their

Finnish translations, at least the best ones, as well as the

rankings and points, both in English and in French.

In my opinion, the best thing in Turku is

its many lovely cafés, because one can never have too

many options when it comes to coffee. My personal

favourites are Latte, Kirjakahvila, Art, and Fabbes, in this

order.

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Secretary

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

Mikko Suhonen, 22, Hämeenlinna, but I’m all Turku by now.

The best part of being Anglica’s secretary is

pointing out other board members’ mistakes by referring to

my exquisite minutes of the previous meetings.

In my opinion, the best thing in Turku is

the architecture because you know right?

My dream lunch at Assari would be

something with grated carrot in it, since that seems to be

Assari’s approach to any dish.

The US or the UK? Why?

U!S!A! After all, the Brits still haven’t even figured out simple

things like how to drive on the right side of the road and their

national drink is warm water.

Treasurer

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

Pirkka J. Hallamaa, 25, Nummi-Pusula The best part of being Anglica’s treasurer is

the fact that I get to harass every single lazy individual who

doesn’t pay on time. Which means I get to harass myself a lot!

If I was ever to attend a talent show, I would showcase

my absolutely terrific stand-up skills. Meaning I would stand

up from a chair. Obviously.

If you see me on the dancefloor, the DJ’s probably playing

Frontside Ollie by the infamous Finnish superstar Robin.

If I won the lottery, I would

stop my work to graduate from the university. Then I would

probably just do nothing.

Info

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

Mikko Juhani Salminen, 22, TKU810 The best part of being Anglica’s info is

that I can perform almost all of my tasks while sitting on my

couch. Also, this gives me an opportunity to improve my once

pathetic computer skillz.

If I was ever to attend a talent show, I would

amaze people with my jokes. I admit, my previous ventures into

the world of comedy haven’t been that big of a success, but

wait ‘til you hear the new ones!

In my opinion, the best thing in Turku is

that I can very easily drop by my parents’ house for free food.

The US or the UK? Why?

Despite the genius of Monty Python and Not the Nine O’Clock

News, it has to be the US. Reasons: 1) 1980’s hardcore and

alternative rock, 2) The moon landings, and 3) the NFL.

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Party & Culture

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

Leena Hyrsky, 21, Turku The best part of being Anglica’s party&culture person is

just being part of Anglica’s board. It’s awesome!

When I am not on board duty or studying,

I’m as lazy as a sloth, I eat like crazy and laugh at stupid

photos on 9gag.

My dream lunch at Assari would be

PORONKÄRISTYS with mashed potatoes. And free dessert.

If you see me on the dancefloor, the DJ’s probably playing

some pop song that everybody else hates! One Direction in

particular.

Party & Culture

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

Auriina Kaarento, 22, Kaarina-Paimio-Turku The best part of being Anglica’s party&culture person is

the opportunity to influence events, make them happen and

therefore understand the huge effort that goes into them. You

get to meet interesting people and soon you’ll have all the club

owners’ numbers on your speed dial.

So far, my favourite course in the Uni has been

Spoken English ‘cause it was really useful and laid-back at the

same time. Where else can you hear yourself overpronouncing

“Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper”?

In my opinion, the best thing in Turku is

ehm, can I say the riverside even though it’s so cliché? I love all

the happenings, Ruisrock, DBTL and Aatu to mention a few. Also,

I don’t think I could live without the lunch buffet of Fontana.

If I won the lottery, I would

take my closest friends to a vacation abroad, buy my own place

and ink for my printer, which has been useless for over a year.

Projects

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

Janne Haapaniemi, 23 years young, The Crossroads aka Raisio When I am not on board duty or studying,

I’m most likely to be found somewhere doing something

related to football. Or cooking. Or fine beers.

If I was ever to attend a talent show, I would showcase

my ability to drink orange juice way quicker than this Mehu Janne person. I’m the real deal!

In my opinion, the best thing in Turku is

either Aurajoki or the Turku Derby in football (This city is black

and white!) because they’re unique.

The US or the UK? Why?

The UK: the accents, the beers, the football

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Educational Matters

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

My name is Anne Heikkilä and I’m 22 years old for a few more

months. I’m from the “ghetto” (as some apparently like to call

it) of Turku: Varissuo, V-city, Vakke. So I’m proud to be born and

raised in Turku!

When I’m not on board duty or studying,

I’d like to say I’m at the gym, or doing something intellectually

challenging, but most probably I’ll be watching Dr Who or

Starkid productions, aaaand of course playing flip cup! -> I

think I need to find a real hobby...

So far, my favorite course in the University has been

transcription, only because it was easy, or then English

Phonetics for some weird reason. Maybe it was the Britney Spears

music video Pekka showed us, or just that I found the topic

interesting, who knows.

My dream lunch at Assari would be

sushi. Fresh. They could hire some professional to do it too. But I

guess that would never work in practice, which is a shame.

If you see me on the dancefloor, the DJ’s probably playing

any ‘hit’ song on the radio. Usually I don’t go on the dancefloor unless

I have a fair amount of alcohol in my blood, and even then I need a

good song with a good beat to dance to. Backstreet Boys will do too.

Vice Member

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

Kalle Moilanen, 20 years old (21 by May Day), from Raisio.

The best part of being Anglica’s vice member is

being able to take orders and do the bidding of the actual

board members without questioning their authority.

In my opinion, the best things about Turku are

the lights under the new Myllynsilta. Why is one of them red?

If I won the lottery,

I would donate just enough money to seem like a selfless

humanitarian, but the rest I would use to build a

supercomputer so that I could procrastinate with maximum

efficiency.

The US or the UK? Why?

The US, because with the amount of dumb people in such a

huge country, even I might feel smart from time to time.

Vice Member

The basics: your name, age and place of origin:

Viivi Mustonen, 22, Vihti city!

The best part of being Anglica’s vice member is

no rights, only responsibility!

So far, my favourite course in the University has been

Änkky, because repeating vowels and consonants after

someone made me feel I was learning to speak again.

If I was ever to attend a talent show, I would showcase

my impersonation of a retarded seal.

In my opinion, the best thing in Turku is

the people, because living here wouldn’t be the same

without’em!

BACCANALIA 2013

Photos: Fredrika Lahdenranta

F

ollowing in the footsteps of Jeremy Clarkson and Eetu Laine, “How hard can it be” was my initial reaction to piecing together an anniversary party. Never think middle-aged men with car shows or English graduates say things that make sense. After months of careful planning, including such novel ideas as “we need a venue, and probably some entertainment and maybe food” some e-mails were sent and Turun Upseerikerho and Turku’s most used student concert band Sohon Torwet were booked for the 23rd of March 2013.

After these feats I clapped myself on the back and blissfully forgot the whole thing for the summer months only to realize in August that maybe other things needed to be done as well.

To make sure that the whole event would not turn into an exercise in grandiosity, the anniversary party as well as the surrounding events were organized by a highly trained taskforce including several clerks, none of them willing to make notes during meetings. From the beginning I thought that the best course of action would be to make the party look like us instead of rigidly following the traditions of academic celebrations.

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Unlike our predecessors, we did not have to worry about whether it would be okay to sing Swedish songs during the celebration of an English organization in Finland, as the planners of the Big 50 in 2008 had already laid the foundations for the evening. In the name of economy, slight lethargy and common sense, the taskforce used shamelessly the outlines of previous parties as the basis for the 55 celebrations.

The first big questions to be tackled were “Where are we going to have the after-party?”, “Who will be the guest speaker?”, “Who are we inviting anyway?” and “Was this beer always this cheap?”

(The answer to the last question is “yes”, if you’re in Proffan Kellari during happy hours). An afterparty at a club seemed like it would divide the merry partiers into different spaces and make it impossible to form an impromptu conga line, so Uusi-S with its sauna facilities came to the rescue.

The added bonus of being able to party until the herring breakfast sealed the deal and after some furious e-mailing including several participants the place was booked and the taskforce was one step closer to their target.

BACCANALIA 2013

At this point everything still seemed to go as smoothly as a seal on an icy slope.There were places with food for people, places with dancing space and a sauna for people as well as music! Everything was practically ready. And then came the realization that yes, maybe we need someone else to perform as well and it would be nice to have something to eat come Sunday morning. Due to the All Anglica all the way policy, Essi GrĂŠn and Heli Koskinen were contacted to see whether they would be interested in performing at the dinner party. Thankfully both of them said yes and the entertainment section of the party was rounded up with a violin and piano performance and with a quartet of song birds from Turun konservatorio. The taskforce came to a mutual and well-grounded decision that it would be smartest to ask someone trustworthy with the ability to make food to take care of feeding the hungry and weary on the day after the big event. After some pondering it was decided that Anglica Food Club (or AFC for friends) would be ideal for the job.

Luckily for the guests they agreed, otherwise the herring breakfast might have consisted mainly of meatballs and potato salad.

with varying degrees of success thanks to slight miscommunication problems, Saturday and Sunday and the ever reliable speed of Itella.

Despite hiccups with sending physical invitations in a digital world, the planning and organization continued, along with an increasing amount of paranoia and suspicion on the part of the main organizer (if history has taught us nothing else, we know that paranoia and suspicion will at one point or another consume a person who thinks they’re in charge of things). To compete with the actual proper dinner party and all that it entails, the celebratory lectures also became very current indeed. Although the speakers had been asked and the lecture hall booked, the order of speakers as well as the coffee and cake part that was to follow the lectures remained unsolved by this point. In the end they worked out pretty fantastically as well and all participants seemed at least mildly content with the end result.

By December things were quite dandy: all the places and performers were booked, there was to be food and drink, there were already suggestions for the celebratory patch and the idea of ordering a palju had been thrown in the air. The Christmas holidays came and went, the year changed and suddenly everything became concrete. The list of things to do was suddenly two meters long, things that were supposed to be in order weren’t and the nagging feeling associated with stress and forgetting things presented itself. Happy days.

To begin clearing up the messy pile of things to do, we first tackled planning and making the invites as well as finding out who would be willing to be our guest speaker. After some hair pulling and another batch of furious e-mailing, the invitations came out looking amazing and the equally amazing Tim Perring of Vaisaari fame kindly agreed to say a few words at the celebratory dinner. Like with the musical performers, the concept of having Anglicans performing to Anglicans was the carrying theme when considering guest speakers and a former board member with firsthand knowledge of the first National Meeting of the English Students ever seemed like the perfect option. Content with our choices, the taskforce continued with inviting the staff and other student organization

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BACCANALIA 2013

But the actual celebration weekend. Still to come, still many things to figure out, still no clue on how things would actually pan out. The weeks leading up to March 23rd included scarring a floor in the Student Village at 1 in the morning while making stencils of the gothic “A” of Anglica, infuriating the chair with said stencils while spray-painting decorations for the after-party, deciding that Philosopher’s Song is indeed academic enough to be sung at an anniversary party, numerous meetings at Upseerikerho considering their food and alcohol policies, convincing JAntti’s parents that it IS a smart idea to let us order our bubbly via their son from Estonia and numerous slight breakdowns in both communication and mental health. Fortunately all those involved were truly engaged and didn’t mind the endless discussions on schedules and things that still needed to be done.

As the celebratory weekend crept closer, so did the reality of an 80-person sit-down, threecourse dinner. To better prepare everyone, both a dance and a singing school were organized to help the untrained and unskilled fake their way through Pas d’Espagne and Drunken Sailor. The evening’s programme was made and remade in the course of a night, this time courtesy of a crashing computer program. But all’s well that ends well, said Shakespeare and even that could not stop the party planning. Demoralize, sure, but not stop.

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And so it came to be, the actual night. The afternoon started with a quick fix decoration session at Uusi-S, including a last minute phone call to the Upseerikerho that was not welcomed warmly and continued with all those involved with organizing the party scooting off to try and figure out how to tie their bowties or pin their hair up in a way that will hold for more than three minutes.

Before the cocktail event the only thing keeping the party planner sane was the calm provided by those not in the know and the waiters, who seemed very calm indeed. Luckily the ice was broken with some alcohol as well as with the first greeting of the evening, the ever apt Keep calm and carry on.

After that people started to forget that they do not normally wear ball gowns and penguin suits and acted more freely than before they were handed a glass. Even though the actual pressure was on the dinner party, the formality of the situation was fairly effectively dissolved by both the Finnish flag that needed to be wound several times around the flagpole to prevent the need to burn it afterwards and the detour to our southern neighbor when singing the national anthem. After these events no one seemed to be too concerned whether they toasted the wrong person first or forgot to introduce themselves to others at their table.

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I wish I had more to say about the actual events of the rest of the dinner party, but I was so relieved that people relaxed after the first fifteen minutes that the rest of the evening is mostly just pink haze.

Even the speech I had to give is a blurry memory and I effectively hate planned public speaking. But there was singing, and there was talking and there was dancing and people seemed truly happy to be there, so my memories are probably not that relevant, the memories of the people that attended are. In hindsight, I don’t regret anything expect worrying too much, but still think that these things should be left to professionals who do not turn into microdespots that make people paint decorations in the middle of the campus area while laughing maniacally. If you get the choice, never organize anything like this, you’ll lose sleep for three months and exasperate your thesis supervisor in the process, but always attend if you have the chance and the clothes for the occasion.

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BACCANALIA 2013

Words From the Hostess or something like that Julia Hamara

In

one of the very first meetings of our vujutyöryhmä, Kata stated that as Tomi was our host, it would be most logical if I, as the current female vice chair, acted as the hostess. I had nothing against this honourable position, and even if I did, I think I wouldn’t have dared to refuse. And anyway, being the hostess turned out to be the easiest and least stressful of my different responsibilities in organising the party.

And in retrospect, it is the only part I think about when I look back to the anniversary week in March, and will probably remember for long.

As the host and hostess, Tomi and I sat in the main table with the only professor present, Risto Hiltunen.

I had thought about rehearsing some intelligent conversation topics just in case, but it turned out I didn’t need any. We had a fun and relaxed evening, discussing about mämmi and making cognac ears. The food tasted (and looked!) great, the performances were amazing, and we had plenty (…) to drink. Partly for that reason, I kind of forgot my position at some point and just enjoyed the rest of the party. And the after-party, the sleepover and the sillis at Uusi-S...

The responsibilities of the hostess started with the cocktail event after surviving severe thightsanxiety, glueing my false lashes backwards a couple of times and finally running to Sirkkala terribly late and ashamed. The beginning of the cocktail event was kind of awkward, since we didn’t really know what to do or say, what exactly was the etiquette like, how many glasses of bubbly was still appropriate, and whether we were supposed to hug or shake hands with the members of the staff. And of course everyone was staring at us all the time. I can’t say I wasn’t relieved when we headed to Upseerikerho to get ready for the main event.

Afterwards, we got many e-mails praising and thanking us for a great party. This made me (and most probably Kata and Tomi too) feel extremely accomplished, proud and honoured, and it was probably the best feeling one can have after organising a party. Still, I have to agree with Kata with that one really shouldn’t get involved in organising these kinds of things (especially not to the extent she did). But after making the mistake, and after seeing that everything went amazingly well and that everyone actually had a great time, I am glad I did. But never again.

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Red-eyed Herrings: Sillis by AFC Ville Niemi

As

of the beginning of 2013, Anglica Food Club became an official part of Anglica’s activities. So when I was approached with the idea of me being charged with organizing the Sillis of Anglica’s 55th Birthday with the help of volunteers drawn from the ranks of the AFC, I leapt at the opportunity as I could not think of a better or more pleasant way of contributing to the big B-Day bash and, also, celebrating AFC’s transformation into a real player within Anglica.

Regrettably, unable to participate in the 55th celebrations in any way myself or even in the practical arrangements for the Sillis (some skilful organizing on my part, huh?), I didn’t arrive at Uusis until early on Sunday morning, finding myself beholding a nigh-Bukowskian post-party devastation. I’d already heard news of many dilemmas encountered during the preparations and unable to help, I was a bundle of nerves as I made my way to Uusis. In a way this was simply the kind of hassle we’ve experienced when organizing the AFC Meetings, only magnified to the Mth degree.

Upon seeing the sheer effort and love that the others had put into the prep-work and to the acquisition of the utilities, however, I immediately felt like a conceited jerk for worrying whether the others had managed without me. In what must have been record time, we had food flying out of the kitchen at 10 am sharp; pizzas, Karelian pasties, cold cuts, cheese, meatballs and yes, herring, to name just a few items. The hung-over party people descended upon the munchies with all the hunger and ferocity of a pack of hyenas. Soon a healthy pink crept back up people’s cheeks, eyes brightened up and blissful smiles were seen everywhere amid the sound of chewing. Life prevailed.

In the end, someone who was there both for the party itself and who also took part in organizing the Sillis would perhaps be better prepared to analyze how the Sillis fared as a part of the larger 55th celebrations. But for my part, I would say that judging from the compliments showered on the kitchen staff during and after the event, the Sillis showed that AFC can not only be trusted with real responsibility but the people of AFC handle that responsibility like no man’s business and have a blast doing it!

Finally, as the person who was originally given this HUGE responsibility but just ended up delegating most of it to others, I say with the utmost gratitude and humility: You guys f*#%ing rocked!

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Carla Croft: Tome Raider & Indiana Phillips Lilli Laine

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May I speak freely, Your Majesty?

Ronni Läpinen

WARNING:

the following text will include linguistic purism served in a manner most regal, so anti-monarchists and lovers of glottal stops stay away.

O

ur story will begin at the ruins of the British Empire. Once upon a time the world was ruled by the British, not by their superior skills or force but by sheer presence.

Nowadays what is left of that mighty empire is James Bond, gin&tonic and Her Majesty the Queen. Gone with the wind are the days when the sun never set on the British Empire. Not that the Brits themselves have noticed this yet.

Be that as it may, one thing still reminds us that Britain used to be the most magnificent empire the world has ever seen. That is the English language.

First spread by tradesmen and explorers, then by colonial masters and soldiers, and lastly by film stars and other members of the entertainment industry, the language empire of English is today even more magnificent than the one consisting of numerous dominions. English is everywhere, superior to everyone and everything, presiding over us all like the Viceroy of India. The Department of English is one of the biggest departments in our university and I freely admit that the credit for this achievement belongs to the dwindling British Empire on its last legs singing God Save the Queen.

But then there is English and there is English. I’m personally the greatest advocate of the so-called Queen’s English, the most refined of all the varieties of the English language. Since the days of the British Raj and all the way to these days the Queen’s English, or as the more republican linguists might say, Standard English, has been the most successful of all the Empire’s children. The Queen’s English was the English by which the world was subjected under the British rule and even today here in Finland, the Queen’s English is the English taught in schools. But I’m afraid the end of the Queen’s language empire is upon us.

All sorts of linguistic monstrosities are making their way into Standard English, starting from neither pronounced to rhyme with teeter and the extermination of have got. What purpose does Standard English serve, if anything can become standard? And not to mention all the American influences: they just couldn’t let it go and be satisfied with ruining the tea time in Boston back in the day, oh no! They must have their own way with the language: let’s remove the u from colour, let’s misspell theatre, let’s pronounce Hugh Laurie quite wrongly! What ever next?

The last stronghold of the good old English is Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Majestically as ever she refuses to use words such as couch and lounge instead of sofa and drawing-room and her pronunciation still holds that sublime distinction which makes ‘that man in the black hat’ sound like ‘thet men in the bleck het’. So, if all else fails, we still have the Queen’s annual Christmas Speech left as an example of perfect English. Not that I’m expecting it to happen in another twenty years, we still have to strengthen ourselves in the case of Her Majesty’s death and the extinction of the Queen’s English.

I think we can count on Charles to continue the linguistic traditions of his dear departed Mummy, but when the younger generations in Buckingham Palace take over, I fear the glottal stop might be introduced to the Queen’s English. Oh the horror.

So, on the behalf of Her Majesty, I shall answer the question asked in the title: yes, as long as you don’t expect it to become standard, you may speak as you please. If everybody spoke the Queen’s English, how on earth could we tell the Queen apart from the rest of us?

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11. ELEVATOR OR LIFT!? + Whatever it’s called, it works today.

- Aaaand you’re stuck. What a surprise.

6. KEITH’S OFFICE + OK KB! - Uh-oh! Your exam results are lost.

3. H1 + Class cancelled! Move on.

- Good going, champ! You get stuck in the world-famous deskchairs.

Your turn is over.

2. H2: COFFEE HOUR + You managed to avoid the piercing gaze of the vice chair.

Move on!

- It’s your turn to clean the coffee pot. Your turn is over.

19. BAKESALE + You manage to just grab a cup of coffee and walk away. How’d you do that?

- Go to Puhakka for some more coffee and milk. Don’t forget the receipt!

17. LIBRARY + You’ve returned your books on time! All clear.

- The librarian is nowhere to be seen, all there is to do is wait.

15. TOILET + Maybe you can hold it in for another hour. Move on!

- F-piste has removed the toilet signs again. You get lost.

27. DUNGEON + You miraculously remember your access code to the dungeon.

- What’s that code again? Where’d the numbers go this time? Shit.

25. DAMON You encounter Damon Tringham. + You slip by unnoticed - You spend an hour talking about translating ferry timetables.

22. ANGLICA’S PUNCH + You chug Anglica’s may day punch with no problem, you drunkard you.

- The medical-grade spirit is too much for your freshman stomach and you feel a bit sick.

33. PRINTER + / - The printer is out of paper.

You call IT services but there’s no answer. Go back to H2 for printer paper and start over.

31. PANEL FLOOR + You enjoy the cold war bunker atmosphere as you walk on towards the printer.

- Your foot goes through the floor panels.

29. COMPUTER + The computer works and you manage to log on and update your status on Facebook while other people are waiting their turn to write their essays. Good job.

- You wait by the doorway as all the computers are taken by people looking at pictures of kittens on Facebook. You hate everything and everyone and lose your turn.

21. DOOR ALARM + Are these things ever on? You manage to smuggle a copy of Beowulf through the book detectors.

- You set off the alarm. Nobody cares. You wait for a turn anyway ‘cause it feels like the right thing to do.

1. START Toss the coin.

Heads (+) 3 squares forward Tails - (2) squares forward

12. STAIRS + It’s porraspäivä. You take the stairs for some much needed exercise.

Good for you.

- Some phonetician has left their electrodes on the floor and of course you trip on them. Ouch.

TO PLAY, you’ll need a coin. Here’s how it works: Toss the coin. Heads: Move three squares. Tails: Move two squares.

When you land on a marked square, toss the coin again. If you get Heads (+), toss the coin once more to move on. If you get Tails (-), your turn is over and it’s on to the next player.

You’re on the second floor of Juslenia when you suddenly remember that thing you need to print right now. So you decide to go to the IT dungeon to do just that. Sounds simple, but it’s only the beginning to your journey of action, adventure and asbestos poisoning.

BACCANALIA 2013

Citizen of the World Viivi Mustonen

You may know Henno Parks from Spoken English, Presentation skills, Academic Writing Skills 1 and/or Grammar 1. I had the pleasure to sit down and have talk with him about the world, Turku and everything else.

Tell me a little bit about yourself: where are you from originally and how did you end up in Turku, of all places?

Well, that’s a very long story. I was born in New York, where I lived for total of three months. My parents took me to Panama, where they were living at the time and I lived the first 17 years of my life in Central and South America. First in Panama, then in Puerto Rico, El Salvador... I graduated from an American High School in Brazil. After graduation, I decided I’ve had enough of tropics and wanted to go somewhere cold. For my first year of university I went up to the University of Alaska, as far away from my parents and the tropics as possible.

I was there only for a year, and then studied in different universities in the States and finally graduated from Lehigh University of Pennsylvania. I did my Bachelor’s degree there, then worked for about 6 years, after which I decided, ”Okay, time to get a Master’s degree!”, which I did at Appalachian State University of North Carolina.

And when I finished that, an opportunity opened up in Estonia. My mother is Estonian, so therefore it was interesting for me, I could go look for my family roots.

It was when Estonia was emerging from Soviet Rule, I went there in 1993. Then I taught at different universities

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for about 16 years - I went there for one year and ended up staying for 16 years. And then situation got quite bad there with the salaries and so on, so I decided I’d try to come somewhere close. So I’ve been in Finland for 2 and a half years.

I’ve had a good connection to Finland when I was young.

When I lived in Brazil, there was a Finnish community called Penedo in a small village, in the middle of nowhere.

A religious sect of Finns left during or after the Second World War and settled there. There was a thriving Finnish community, they were dancing the national dances and speaking Finnish. So it was my first contact. Back in the States I participated in a lot of these joint Finnish and Estonian community activities. I guess Finland and Estonia have always been a part of my culture.

So when you’re asked where you’re from originally, what do you say?

It’s hard to say, I consider myself a citizen of the world, I have both Estonian and American citizenships, and many homes, I guess. I still identify with my childhood, whenever I go to Spain or Portugal feel like I’m going home in a way.

BACCANALIA 2013 What inspired you to become a teacher?

It was really a process. I’ve been teaching for 20 years now and I think it was my love for languages. Originally, Spanish was my major and an obvious choice, for living in those cultures for so long. I taught Spanish at first and then English as a second language, because it was another thing I found interesting: I enjoy being with foreigners and teaching them to speak and how to learn English. For me, that was a very enjoyable thing.

At one point I was teaching three different courses about jobs. I taught Spanish courses at the university, community college Mexican migrant workers English, and I was also teaching chicken factory workers how to speak in Spanish. So it was a real mixture of everything, but I loved it and it was really an exciting time for me.

Have you taught in other establishments than universities? How would you compare them?

I’ve actually always taught in universities. The only difference would be that in Estonia I taught in private universities, except last year I taught in a public university there, and the same in here. But before that, it was only private universities. So that is a big difference, because students pay for the education and can be more motivated. At my previous job at the Language Center, there were people from all over campus.

You’ve been living in Turku since 2010. For how long have you been teaching in the department of English and what did you teach before that?

Before I came here I was teaching at the Language Center, and I taught everything: medical English, nursing English, English for IT students, English for science students, for example in biology and genetics.

I taught academic writing, presentation skills, English for working life, everything you could think of. Then I came here and I’ve been here for a year this spring.

Tell me a bit more about your first experiences in Finland.

It was, of course, a culture shock, even though Finland and Estonia are similar, they are quite different. The bureacracy was the biggest shock for me, as it is quite heavy in Finland: if you move here, there is so much you have to do. I spent the first 2 months of my life here in Finland running from one office to another getting forms and setting up accounts. It was quite difficult, I think more so than in other places. Also the teaching schedules were quite hard. Here in the department it’s a bit more relaxed and there’s more emphasis on quality, which I love, it’s such a nice difference from working in a language center. But they were not bad either, but it’s a lot nicer here as students speak better English so it’s a lot easier to work with them and the standards are higher.

You lived in Estonia for a very long time. How was moving to Finland like?

Estonia was an adventure. When I first moved there, there still had Russian troops there. Basically I lived in Estonia during that very interesting post-Soviet period when all the big changes were happening. I don’t think you could possibly recognize Estonia the way it used to be to what it is now. I worked in a university starting off with typewriters, not computers, and it was an experience.

Basically we build up this private university from scratch, starting from Bachelor’s degrees all the way to Doctorate degrees. And we were responsible for the creation of the university, the curricula and everything. It gave me a tremendous amount of experience. And it was an American style university, which was unusual and the only one in Estonia at the time, and it was owned by both American and Estonian partners. So that was an exciting time.

And I think Finland has been a good transition for me: the language is similar and I’m taking Finnish lessons at the moment, I can understand almost all Finnish, but when it comes to speaking, I have problems because my Estonian gets in the way. I think there are a lot of misconceptions: I think that Finnish people can be quite cold, or appear to be so when you first meet them, but once they warm up to you, you basically have friends for life. But I think speaking the language is important, which is why I’m learning it. If you don’t know Finnish, it’s very hard to get to know people.

So, can I assume you speak Estonian having lived there for 15 years. How about Finnish and other languages?

I’m learning Finnish this semester, which is a bit packed as I do teach full-time and I have to take the course. I was just commenting to somebody that I had my first quiz last week, and it was the first time I had to take an exam in 20 years rather than giving one.

For me it was a pretty nervewracking experience but I did really well, and that was fun. I speak also Spanish and Portuguese because I lived in Brazil for 7 years. Then I speak of course Estonian and I know a little bit of German from when I was in high school.

What do you think of Turku? Do you like it here?

It’s a nice little town, I like it because it’s not too big and not too small and it’s just about right. I have to say it always amazes me how much traffic here is for a small city. It always surprises me, I don’t know why. I never thought there’d be such traffic jams here. You’d think of Helsinki to be a traffic-jammed place, but it’s the same here. There are a lot of cultural events and I think that being by the river, the seaside and the archipelago, it’s a very beautiful area of Finland. And one of the pluses of Turku is that it’s the warmest place in Finland, usually, though not lately.

On behalf of readers of Baccanalia and myself, I thank you for the interview!

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BACCANALIA 2013

A Quick View to Adivasi Life in Chhattisgarh Fredrika Lahdenranta

So,

I was in India for three weeks, which is a really short time to see anything in such a big country, but we managed to see a lot.

It is still hard to understand everything that happened but I’ll try to tell you something about my trip.

The purpose of the trip was to see and document the life of Adivasi people in India. The Adivasis are native inhabitants of India who have been in a difficult situation for decades. Adivasis live in the countryside, in forests and get their livelihood from cultivation of different plants, and from collecting roots and plants from the forest. The government of India wants to use the land and forest Adivasis get their livelihood from and live on, for money making purposes.

An organization called Adivasi Jan Van Adhikar Manch works to achieve better conditions for the Adivasis.

Adivasi Jan Van Adhikar Manch is supported by a Finnish organization called Emmaus Aurinkotehdas ry, where I’ve worked for two years, and now I got involved in the Adivasi-project, which was started by Ville-Veikko Hirvelä, our vice president, a few years back. So, we went to see what is happening in Chhattisgarh, and how things are progressing there.

People have asked me how the trip was like, and I’ve been answering: “Well, okay, rough but okay.” I saw things that affected me strongly. I saw a man whose son was murdered by higher “caste” people (Adivasis do not have a caste system, but they have the more important and the less important, determined by money and property, of course.) I could hardly look him in the eyes without crying. What can you do in a situation like that ?

You feel completely useless and hope that something we do here to improve their situation helps him to move on.

I saw people whose houses were burned by the forest department but still they keep on living on that land and fighting for their own rights to that land. I saw a man, the same age as me, whose father was murdered ten years ago by the forest department guards. He was quiet and shy, pretending not to remember anything of it. I saw animals missing legs, I saw children in bad health. The situation there is really difficult, that’s what I witnessed.

Still, they live on. Adivasis do not think about the future like we do in Western countries.

The main importance is that they survive through the day. They try to lead happy lives despite all of this trouble they are facing.

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At first, we arrived in New Delhi. The first thing you notice arriving in India is the difference in the air. The air smells and feels different. It is like you step into a humid room filled with scents you’ve never encountered before.

The light of the sun shines from a different angle, casting shadows on the road which is full people, animals, traffic.

After a few days, you get used to it. It is funny how seeing the other side of the world is so easy now, though even 50 years ago, people hardly travelled. For me, India was completely a different world.

The 24-hour train from Delhi to Raipur, was pure pain with its trembling carriages, loud people, disgusting smells and atmosphere that felt pressuring. I felt nausea, home-sickness and headache already on the first night in India. Then, in the Raipur train station, the masses of people made me feel sick again. Sick because of the amount of them, the sight of hundreds of people gathering in front of the small train station, many of them unwell, unclean, some asking for money. The piles of garbage, rotting food on the sides of the streets. How can people live in such misery, in such filth? It was mainly the cities that made me feel unwell. Most of the Adivasi villages were clean from rubbish, and the surrounding nature purified the air in the villages. The first village we visited, Kesmarda, was located in the top of a small mountain. It took a 6 hour car ride on the bumby roads to reach Kesmarda, and it was nothing but easy to find the way in the middle of the night. My memories from the first village are something I do not enjoy remembering, therefore I spent the second night throwing up the rice I had forced myself to eat.

The people we were with were Indu Netam, the head of the Adivasi Jan Van Adhikar Manch (AJVAM) and her husband Rajesh Ranjan. We travelled to other areas of Chhattisgarh too, with other members of the AJVAM, but the main characters in this project were Indu and Rajesh.

There were many meetings to attend to, for example we joined in for a meeting of the Eastern zone, meaning the eastern part of Chhattisgarh.

Continued on page 24

BACCANALIA 2013

INFO:

Adivasis & Aurinkotehdas Adivasis are India’s native tribal people who live in the countryside, getting their living from the forest and cultivation of plants. The life of adivasis is naturally sustainable and ecological, therefore it does not strain the environment as much as the life we live in the Western countries. Adivasi Jan Van Adhikar Manch is an organization which works to support the life of Adivasi people in India and helps them get their rights to use their own land in a way they have been using the land and the forest for centuries. The government of India does not acknowledge their rights and makes their lives extremely difficult. For example, it is very hard for the adivasis to get a legal document of ownership which states that a certain piece of land belongs to a certain adivasi. The government and the Forest Department want to use the land which is in Adivasi area to be sold to multinational corporations, for example to be used to

dig bauxcite. Adivasis all around India are being evicted from their homes, so that the Indian government can make mines, tiger parks or sell the forests. The situation in some villages is very tragic but in some they live relatively normal life.

Emmaus Aurinkotehdas ry is a Finnish nongovermental organization located in Kirkkotie 6-10, in Turku. Emmaus works to ease material and financial need in places where they appear to be the greatest by donating clothes and money. Emmaus Aurinkotehdas has a fleamarket in Kirkkotie, where people can buy and donate clothes or volunteer. Emmaus has no connections to religions or politics and is open for all people despite their age, religion, nationality etc.

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BACCANALIA 2013 The meeting was full of interesting new people, adivasis who had travelled to this distant village to talk about their situation, to discuss what could be done, when and how. For example, Kesmarda had been affected by a bauxcite mine of a company called Balco, but now the mine nearby had been closed by the government due to its illegality.

Adivasis from Orissa told about that human trafficking is becoming common within adivasi areas. All these kind of things are happening there at the moment. Adivasis cannot trust the government, they cannot trust anyone. The only way for them to keep on living is to go through a rough paper work to get the rights to use their own land in the same way they have been using it for decades. According to Forest rights act Adivasis have the right to use their land and demand legal documents which state their rights. The process to achieve these is long and hard, and that is why AJVAM is there to support them.

After Kesmarda we travelled to Bhoramdev and from there to Kandamani village. The night we spend in a small “office�, sleeping on the floor with lizards climbing on the walls and hens sleeping

nearby. The next day I really got to know the Indian concept of time, which is completely different from the way we understand the passing of time. In India, time doesn’t matter. It can just flow by while sitting and doing nothing. That bothered me, but it was a thing you have just to adapt to while travelling in India.

Another thing that bothered me was the language barrier. Nobody spoke English. And we had only few people working as interpreters. If I want to go there again, I should learn to speak Hindi. The moments I enjoyed most were moments spend in the nature. The landscape seen in the sunset from the top of a hill, with beautiful haze just above the trees, was just stunning. Or walking back from a forest village through fields, when you got to see nothing but darkness and the amazing night sky filled with stars.

These moments filled me with peace, and they were the moments that I remember most clearly when I think back to the time I spent there. After all this, the thing to do now is to tell the world something about the life of Adivasis. When their situation gets more attention, the government of India may realize that they cannot keep oppressing them anymore.

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Poems

BACCANALIA 2013

Janne Peltomäki

Félicité Battle-weary, many a truth throat-cut, at long last at the palace In great excess were both words and flesh minced I sent an invitation to their livers, much appreciated From far and wide would guests appear, their hidden muscles Pretending this cuffed smile, jawlocked in red rigor All night long we would draw upon pools of our brains For loops of life and bundles of dead-end conversations We would initiate an imitation, head deep in wet radon We’d engage in our painless half-lives, too deeply attached to anchoring meager slices of thinnest meat in our embarrassed bones The bloody wine, the solvent, the glue, would solve our diseases and bonds Have we to weigh the worth of those carnal bindings on that day?

The hairs on our heads would be counted and measured To the scales, welled proud; then I’d see mine, embrace mine At the still table I am seated waiting for my looming dusk In the thrill of adoration till they count me among the dead You Were the Stars Remember the unsung freedom we carried once Shake the dust off the memory, let blood pour us glory More time just revisiting a trainless thought, a moment’s mourn Fled the flesh to the seedless fruit, born afresh We had nature in our young bodies still thriving As stars revolved, in a dance we too ticked, Among a quiet choir rife with scarce care It wailed that the steps knew the breadth of centuries The golden sound, full and tasty, I felt it dying on my lips When ours met I cherished it with a rasping sip You in my deathly grip, it ought to last and age On this stage and on the glass ceiling stars pranced Take me through the years and dreams; I mustn’t scry in wait Dimmed notes there, cut light mixed in with time Now them having left, we went on; a bitter myth subjected Misery Is in the Power over Another Another’s great depression, the soul’s verdict Came with innocence, the spring of life, Into fixed existence like fate over man For what she could never be lives on as a divinity, Survives a sighful echo in the breadth of a tress The inanimate extension for her will tattered by the wind The neck bent by the growing mass, slovenly cries Of remembrance in the silence of tumult, Surely only brought forth by the flap of her loosened dress Her frame projected in hearth of shadows As slender as the dancers of the eternal dance Where’s the violin and the dilettante When the peonies burst open down below?

The maiden in heavens soon disappears from view Blue unlike the skies it absorbs the color in her closed eyes The red devil, skymouth agape devours head first A trace, a single hair is the needle of yesterday Heavy in words left undoubtedly unspoken

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BACCANALIA 2013

Teemu Lamminm채ki

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BACCANALIA 2013

T

ampere University of Technology arranges the biggest skittles event in the world every February: The World Academic Kyykkä Games. This year, Anglica gathered a team of its own to take part in this fine, traditional Karelian game along with approximately 640 other teams from all over the world.The Anglican team, known as ASSCOCK (Anglica Sports Squad’s Classically Ordained Caped Knights) consisted of four players: Hai, Julia, Lotta and myself.We also had the privilege to be accompanied by our very own General Manager/Coach/Masseuse/Glory Hunter (choose one) Janne. Here’s my hazy recollection of this magnificent sporting event.

The departure from Turku took place at the inhumane hour of 5.00 am in an even more inhumane company: Hybridi. We had the pleasure of watching a guy stroll back and forth the aisle in his underwear and hear strange shouts from the back of the bus all the way to Tampere. Sleeping in the bus was like trying to find a virgin in the maternity ward and we soon started to regret not bringing any booze for the bus trip. Despite the agonizing trip, we arrived at the Tampere University of Technology at around 7.30 am. First we picked up our competition material from the Kyykkä-office and then went for some breakfast. Hai and Julia went on to pick up our last team member Lotta, while I and Janne hung out at the mall like proper mall rats. First we waited for the store to open to pick up the most excellent Pirkka chicken sandwich for breakfast. Then we waited for another hour to buy beer from that very same store (and other alcoholic beverages from Alko, naturally). Hooray for Finnish legislation!

Our first game was scheduled to begin at 9.30, and with three quarters of our team missing, I started to get a bit worried. Soon enough the trio scrambled through the mall doors and we were finally on our way towards the very first game.

We had some confusion about the location of the playing field, as there were quite many of them but were able to arrive to the scene full two minutes before we would have been disqualified. Our first game was against Trevliga Kompisarna och rökande lesbiskjenna. It soon became obvious they were concentrating more on badmouthing us than on playing the game. We decided to have none of their negativity and instead cheered each other on and raised the spirit, and our body temperature, with the newly purchased alcoholic beverages. Our overly positive attitude brought us our first victory of the morning, which was far better than any of us had expected.

Still hungover from the victory, we had to start our next game right away. This time we were paying against AnaaliVandaalit. These guys were wearing custom made jerseys and looked dead serious from the very beginning. Their first throw was nothing short of perfect, which quickly lowered our great mood from the victory just moments ago.

They almost swept our end of the playing field, while we were hitting practically nothing on their end and true enough we ended up having our asses vandalized. AnaaliVandaalit would end up being third in the overall results, so losing to them was not all that shameful.

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BACCANALIA 2013 After our loss it was also clear that we would not make it to the next round, so we had nothing to lose in our last game against Seminaarimäen Miesh. (whatever that is an abbreviation for). Pressurefree, we tossed the karttu around and after the first half we were losing by ten points. We quickly gathered our troops for the last push during the second half and started knocking those kyykkäs down and out of the playing square. After the very last throw the tension was almost tangible as the judge was counting the points. The final result was a landslide victory for ASSCOCK with a margin of one point. The whole team burst into a magnificent roar, confetti was flying, our coach got the Gatorade shower and “We Are the Champions” was playing in the background. Two wins and one loss to a semi-professional team was not a bad achievement for a team that consisted almost totally of first-time skittles players. Our games were now over and it was time to concentrate on the second most important thing (okay, the most important thing): drinking.

Our team split up as Janne and I decided to have pizza while the rest settled for pea soup. After eating our pizzas at the mall, as the pizzeria itself was full

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of hungry students, we checked out the local beer joint Kultainen Apina. If for some reason you ever find yourself in Hervanta, Kultainen Apina is well worth visiting. We, however, decided to head back to the kyykkä-area to rejoin our fellow Anglicans.

I never actually made it to the undoubtedly happy reunion, as I ran into a friend of mine, who was kind enough to accommodate me for the night, and tagged along his entourage. The rest of my evening consisted of watching a couple more kyykkä games, enjoying three different saunas, trampled screw caps, copious amounts of alcohol, and a lost glove which I eventually found at around 5 am.

All in all, the World Academic Kyykkä Games was one of the best events I have attended during my studies and in a way it is like a microcosm of Finland. Just think about it: freezing cold February day, lots and lots of alcohol, saunas and a game in which you’re supposed to throw an object (c.f. boot throwing, mobile phone throwing, javelin throw). If you ever get the chance to participate in the future Kyykkä Games, I can sincerely recommend it.

BACCANALIA 2013

Barley sludge and urinal cakes Experiencing this horror were Timo Savela & Otto Lehikoinen

C

an non-alcoholic beer be any good? We set out to test whether these beverages manage to serve as worthy thirst quenchers. We selected some 11 non-alcoholic beers from various countries.

We kicked off with the notorious non-alcoholic Nikolai. We were surprised by how it actually looked and tasted remarkably similar to the average Finnish lager. The negative aspect of Nikolai is its characteristic smell that we dubbed as the smell of urinal cakes. We continued with two Belgian made beers that had little to offer. The issues with Lasso and Rainbow lagers are the smell and taste, which remind us of barley sludge, as if a piece of bread had been left in a glass for an extended period of time. The next beer, Ukko-Pekka, was remarkably unremarkable. It lacks any character and tastes like mineral water with a hint of lager to it.

At this point the experiment had taken its toll on us.

The taste of each beer seemed worse than the other and the beers gradually tasted worse and worse as they warmed up in our glasses. Luckily we opted to finish the test with Jever Fun, a pilsener, Bavaria Wit 0,0% and Erdinger Alkoholfrei, a wheat beer.

We concluded that these have the most to offer. Our favorite, the Bavaria Wit, features a sweet flowery scent and taste, akin to Fanta Shokata. The Erdinger tastes similar to the sludges, but is overall refined.

Jever Fun is both sweet and bitter and somehow smells like sweets.

So, is non-alcoholic beer any good? Well, no and this experiment was probably among the worst ideas ever and afterwards you felt like you had violated yourself in due process. If you want to drink something non-alcoholic, just buy some lemonade from a stand for a nickel to quench your thirst.

After a small break we continued with Dutch and German lagers. Dutch Bavaria 0,0% has the same unpleasant smell of urinal cakes as Nikolai has.

The taste is certainly original, but the wheat in the mix leads to an overbearing sweet syrupy taste.

Continuing with Dutch beer, we opened up a can of Heineken brewed Buckler, which certainly has its ups and downs. It offers a more overall refined experience than others, but feels simply too watery.

German Finkbr채u reverted the experiment back to the barley sludge, while like Buckler, Warsteiner Fresh is more refined a product.

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BACCANALIA 2013

The aNoMaliES of Anglica in Tampere Pirkka Hallamaa

So,

this spring I decided to dedicate one whole day to studying. No internet, no tablets, no smartphones.

Nothing related to the internet unless it was crucial for my studying.When the day was over, I booted up my smartphone and had the most scary discussion one can have.

“Aren’t you coming to the NMES this year?”

“Of course, my horse!”

“Then why haven’t you signed up in Doodle yet?”

“What?!? There’s a Doodle already? Son of a…”

Mozilla Thunderbird had never started up so slowly. And sure enough, there was an email from Tomi stating that everyone interested in NMES should sign up in Doodle. Click! There were 20 places available. Awwww yeah! All of those places were taken. Shucks!

My heart sank. The worst thing that could happen to me at any given academic year would be missing NMES. So, I wrote my name to Doodle as the 21st Anglican interested in participating. I feared for the worst, but thankfully one of the twenty attendersto-be decided to not attend (Cheers, Karoliina!). Of course, later on the quota got bigger, but I had no way of knowing that, so I was seriously bummed out.

What’s so great about the NMES, then? Well, it’s hard to explain with mere words. On paper, it doesn’t seem that awesome. Go to a city, attend a City Marathon, party at the after party, wake up, go doze in a lecture hall, hang around in the city waiting for the sitz, sitz at the sitz, have an after party and go home. That’s something, alright, but nothing special.

Well, what if I put it like this? Sit around with the people you love to sit around with in a train just waiting to get to Tampere (remember to have a beer in the dining car while you’re at it!). After arriving, head to the accommodations, leave your heavy belongings behind and head to the nearest shop and Alko, not necessarily in that order. Buy the drinks you need for the checkpoint race, have an awesome time with like-minded people while doing stuff you don’t normally do while enjoying alcoholic beverages, and get to know a city you might not know that well!

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After the checkpoint race, continue hanging out with the same lovely people you’ve met, and PARTEEE without a care in the world! Want to go to the sauna? Be my guest! The sauna will surely be full of people singing songs in English or having something very intriguing to say about a topic that will surely interest you (unless they’re talking about the recent successes of Tappara. Bleh!). If you find out during partying that the group you were in was the first runner-up in the Mansester City Marathon, all the better (Cheers, Julia, for being such an awesome fellow Anglican to contend with)!

When the sandman gets the best of you, head to the accommodations anticipating another great day with your fellow English students!

So, you wake up with only a few hours of sleep behind you. No way you’ll stay awake in the lectures, right? Wrong! Thanks to the interesting lectures held by Mervi Miettinen, talking about the portrayal of superheroes in comics (accompanied with some laugh-out-loud pictures!), and Kate Moore, author of Fucktionary, I actually listened through the lectures and had a great time!

After the lecture, however, the hangover started to hang over us (yeah, that pun was SO intended), so we decided to get something to eat at. Thanks to our great Tampere guide (Cheers, Lassi!) we actually found a decent place to eat. The pizza had its fair share of fat in it and repulsed me a bit by the end, but I think that was mostly because of the ingredients of my stomach, not so much the ingredients of the pizza. After the pizza we bought some more drinks and headed to the sitz venue.

You’d think that sitzes don’t really differ that much, no matter where you’re sitzing. To be true, the rules DO DIFFER a lot! The party can best be described as chaotic, people were singing different songs at different times on different keys, and you couldn’t hear what anyone was talking if (s)he wasn’t in your immediate vicinity. All in all the sitz was a chaos.

Pure chaos. But still, I succeeded in having a good time thanks to my fellow English students! And after the sitzing was sang and done, I had the best time at the accommodations!

BACCANALIA 2013 The second night of NMES is normally the time for the surreal jokes and all the inside stuff that gets repeated to death later on. One of us had an epic story of getting back to accommodations from the nearby pub (note to self: never ever EVER try to guess the way back to your sleeping place. Also, get to know the name of the place where you spend the night. Things get much easier that way), and lots of fun was had at the expense of others (Cheers, Lars Ulrich!) and all in all, lots of fun was had.

What really cracked me up, though, was the (point of no) return to Turku. We were all quite hung over from the whole weekend, so packing up and getting to the railway station was no easy feat. We bought the tickets and actually managed to get this very Harry Potteresque cabin just for ourselves! One member of our group was feeling particularly bad (cheers, Janne!), and it was really easy to sympathize with him.

When the conductor opened our cabin’s door, he was met with eight very hung-over students, all trying their best to supply their tickets and student cards to him. Some of us managed just fine, some had trouble providing the needed material to the conductor. He waited patiently for a moment, but suddenly cried out: “Hell, I’m getting drunk just standing at the door!”, and just left without checking our student cards. The whole cabin just burst out laughing. Finally, it was time to say goodbyes and head home, feeling empty and sad about the fact that the whole shebang was behind us.

As I’m writing this at the eleventh hour of our deadline date (Cheers, Viivi & Mikko!), I fondly remember all the great things I got to witness in Tampere. The NMES experience is hard to explain, particularly if you’ve never attended a NMES, which I whole-heartedly recommend to each and every reader of this text. It takes three days of your life, and a couple of weeks to fully get over it, but it’s totally worth it. It’s one of the highlights of the whole academic year. You get to meet great people and you get to experience something you will probably never experience anywhere else.

NMES in one word? I know the word is very overused (Cheers, myself!), but I can only think of one word to summarize the weekend of NMES. And that word is LEGEN – And I hope you’re not lactose-intolerant, ‘cause the ending to that word is – DARY!

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BACCANALIA 2013

From the Arctic to Finland Proper: Sini Kaarrekoski

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hen first asked to write about my experience as a native of Lapland uprooted and dropped in Turku, my mind jumped to the differences between the two. There are plenty of differences, some obvious and some still revealing themselves after several months of living here.

Before moving here on a two-weeks’ notice last August I had never spent more than a day in Turku.

In fact, taking the entrance exam earlier that year was the most I’d seen of the city since I was 10 and spent an entire afternoon walking around with my dad, looking at all the tall buildings and traffic lights.

That’s right; we don’t have traffic lights in my home town, Kittilä. We don’t really have tall buildings either. I’m told we don’t have any buildings more than three stories tall because the local volunteer fire department doesn’t have a truck with a ladder that would reach higher than that. And the reason they don’t have one? Well, they don’t need one.

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There are no buildings taller than three stories.

So, the differences: The first one I remember noticing was when I’d sort of piled all of my stuff on borrowed shelves in my borrowed apartment, and decided I’d go and check out the Sale across the street. Now, first of all, there was a Sale across the street! Back in Kittilä, I would’ve had to jump into my ultra-feminine Toyota Hiace and drive three kilometers to the closest store. And that’s living in the town, some of my friends would’ve had to drive over an hour just to get a carton of milk.

And the cashiers! They were all strangers, and none of them really cared about that new car my mum’s husband bought the other week, or about my grandma’s flower beds, or whether or not I have any plans on getting married in the next decade.

They just wanted to take my money and see me leave. None of them were related to me either! It was a pretty liberating experience, I must say.

BACCANALIA 2013

My thoughts on moving to Turku Everything in Turku is a bit bigger, and it’s a bit more densely populated. The buses run a wee bit more often than they do back home, and hit reindeers at a much less frequent pace. But now, though I’ve only lived here for a short while, I must say that what strikes me more than the obvious differences are the obvious similarities.

First of all, both Kittilä and Turku have a church, an old church at that, and significant to local history.

Granted, the one in Turku is bigger, and older, and more significant, but that’s not the point! They even serve similar purposes to the general population of the area. Aside from being used as places of worship, both serve as orienteering tools. The first few times I had to find my way to the university and back,I would have been completely lost had I not been able to see the church tower, no matter how far in the wrong direction I walked.

In Kittilä, the situation is basically the same.

When trying to find my way home from the only bar in town, staggering along on the main road (yeah, yeah, only road), the church was always crucial to finding my way home, and provided me with a sense of security.

Not a sense of security in the Christian way, mind, but it did help enormously to know that should I see the church, I’d always know I was going in the wrong direction, and all I’d need to do is turn back.

probably not quite as infested with bicycles, beer bottles and over-sized ducks.Both rivers are beautiful, though, and used to divide people into the ones on this side of the river, and those on the wrong side.

There are some common traits in the people of both places as well. There seems to be some shared anger at a recent, or not so recent, robbing of capital status, be that by the ever-growing nest of sin and booze-infused hot chocolate Levi, or by Helsinki, of which no more need be said. The dialects spoken in both places are distinctive, and the people seem equally reluctant to use them, or in fact any form of communication.

Although I was repeatedly warned about becoming Turku-fied upon moving here, I feel surprisingly guilt-free about how fast I’ve grown fond of this city. Sure, I still miss the little things from the better side of the Arctic Circle, like northern lights and strips of meat hanging on porches and kids nearly running me over with snow mobiles on their way to school. The trees sometimes seem a bit too tall, and the hills a bit too low, but all in all, Turku isn’t that bad.

Of course, should I have left the road on my adventures, I would’ve stood a very good chance, one out of two to be exact, of running into another rather noticeable similarity. Turku has a river. Kittilä has a river. The one running through Kittilä has fewer bridges across it, is considerably bigger and

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BACCANALIA 2013

The High Seas of Finland Elina Karvinen

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viking ship sails along the coast of Finland. No, we are not about to be pillaged – the reenactors are here.

Most Turku people are already familiar with the annual medieval market held in Suurtori, near Tuomiokirkko, and many people participating in such events draw inspiration from the age of Renaissance and Middle Ages, not to mention such fantasy elements as The Lord of the Rings. For the Nordic countries, however, the historical reenactors often turn their attention to the vikings, and why not? Although the legendary viking warriors were traditionally seen as being of Scandinavian descent, it doesn’t mean that their era was completely devoid of Finns. Even though Finns never claimed the kind of popularity that vikings have today, some sources claim that they did indeed do their own sailing in the Nordic waters, and even grew a fearsome reputation among the vikings, if the story of the failed viking raid in Finland is anything to believe: the story goes that the vikings attempting to pillage the southern villages of Häme were met with such fierce opposition from the supposedly peaceful villagers and inexperienced fighters, that they had to flee in a hurry.

It’s the age of the vikings, or the Iron Age, that the Viikinkiajan Laiva RY, a reenactment organization, wants to bring back to life. Sotka is the name of their ship, which was constructed in 1999, based on the remains of the only viking-age ship found in Finnish waters. Over twelve meters long, this seaworthy vessel was mainly brought to life by the

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same means used by the original Finns during the Viking age, every nail on the ship forged by hand.

Even today, over ten years after its creation, it can still travel, either with its sails or by good oldfashioned rowing, usually seating seven to nine daring men and women. These days the Sotka and its crew sail every summer along the Finnish waters, the cruising excursions sometimes taking them as far as Stockholm, returning with their hands turned into one huge callus, blessing the modern invention that is the indoor toilet.

Although the everyday comforts of modern life are far away, however, the passion that the reenactors of Sotka pour into their activities never diminishes: apart from the cruising, most of them also participate in the medieval and historical fairs and spend their winters sewing, forging and dyeing, creating garments, weaponry and even completely historically accurate goat testicle pouches. The fairs, markets and other meetings often bring together the whole family, with the children dressed in simple tunics and quite often barefooted, the women in their cotton under-dresses and woolen overdresses and many chains and fineries, and the men in tunics, chain-mails and leathers, often armed with swords and shields. Even food follows this level of accuracy by avoiding such things as rice or potatoes, and of course, drinks are served in cow horns sealed with bee wax. There’s a strange lure to this simple, mead-filled life you can escape to for a weekend or two, and anyone with enough interest is welcomed, regardless of their age or volume of knowledge of the era.