Blessed to be Broken

by Tara Jenkins

When you have faced emotional, physical or sexual abuse in your life the wear and tear on your heart and thoughts can be devastating. While the effects of physical and sexual abuse can leave visible signs, the toll of emotional abuse is equally debilitating without the outward signs of bruising.

I recall speaking to a former pastor about what I had been going through (and for any person under control or abuse it’s incredibly difficult to bring it forward) but the response was anything but what I had hoped for. In essence I was told to “ Be more submissive” as if I already was not-and rather than it making my life peaceful, it added fuel to the fire because abusive people hate both strength (to them it’s opposition) and weakness (to them it makes you vulnerable)

So, I spent a lot of time in tear stained prayers, embittered frustration, and brokenness.

Many years later, I received a thoughtful card from a pastoral friend. Inscribed within were some uplifting scriptures and random thoughts for my good, but it came at a time when my life had hit an all-time low. Unbeknownst to her, my marriage of 20+years was dissolving, and in one fell swoop, I had faced the loss of my spouse, home, belongings, church position, income, and every small comfort I had ever known.

And a few small uplifting words were enough to rekindle my faith and strengthen me in the Lord, while in a very dark place.

My identity had become so woven around the abusive words and behaviors that I was emotionally shattered, and this dear friend helped pick up the pieces and show my value in Christ. She truly was a Godsend.

These two ministers had vastly different approaches. One chose to ignore and placate my circumstance, while the other helped me overcome and heal.

Sadly, in churches across the world, people are being abused, crushed, and manipulated by people they love, from the pulpit (leaders, ministers, deacons) to the pew.

Perhaps we’re not realizing how our words and our deeds have a ripple down effect from the home to the church.

When Gods people have no accountability for their actions, it’s like walking with a limp when you could be fully healed.

Denial makes the sinful behaviors fester and spread injuring everything within reach. Inevitably, Satan intends for them to be your soul killer- as well as your marriage killer, your relationship killer, and your witness killer.

The devil ideally wants it to carry down to your children, and your children’s children to forever destroy the home with turmoil, and to distract from the peace only God can bring. Either way, you’ll have to choose a battlefield.

The devil wants you to be defeated, while God wants you to overcome and conquer because in God, you are MORE empowered.

In fact, you’re called MORE than a CONQUEROR. Romans 8:37. So instead of going into battle with loved ones, go into battle against the Devil.

Keep your responses focused on practicing Philippians 4:8. Everyday, keep your mind on what is True, Honorable, Just, Pure, Lovely, Commendable, Excellent, and Worthy of Praise.

As the people of God, we need to stay centered, honest, and humble, seeking Godly friendship and counsel- and allowing God to make the necessary changes that form us into his image.

Through these hardships and heartbreaks, I’ve learned the beauty of leaning into trusting the Lord, so that even in the most shattered places I can whole heartedly say, I am Blessed to be Broken.