SOCIETAL PRESSURES

Do men doubt themselves sometimes? Of course. But they don’t let their doubts stop them as often as women do.

Given how much more likely men are to ask for the things they want and need, it’s clear that entitlement issues don’t constrain men in the same way that they constrain women.

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A reason for this issue is that naturally, men externalize while women internalize. Causing lack of confidence.

Case study #1: Internal & External Attribution

David Dunning, a Cornell psychologist, observed that in the math Ph.D. program, there’s a particular course during which the going inevitably gets tough. He noticed that male students typically recognize the hurdle for what it is, and respond to their lower grades by saying, “Wow, this is a tough class.” That’s what’s known as external attribution, and in a situation like this, it’s usually a healthy sign of resilience. Women tend to respond differently. When the course gets hard, Dunning told us, their reaction is more likely to be “You see, I knew I wasn’t good enough.” That’s internal attribution, and it can be debilitating.

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Of course, this is a generalization. Not all men externalize all the time and not all women internalize all the time. We all possess both of these qualities to varying degrees. But this is where problems arise, because the ideas we share about gender roles are also normative, they involve qualities and behaviours that we believe men and women should have.

So a man who does not especially externalize causing him to seem less ambitious, risks being called a “wimp” or a “loser.”

And a women who does not especially internalize causing her to seem more assertive, risks being called bossy, or lets be blunt - a bitch.

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For a woman, wanting things for themselves and doing whatever may be necessary to get those things, such as asking simply for them, often clashes with the social expectation that a woman will devote her attention to the needs of others and pay less attention to her own.

In addition to holding strong ideas about how men and women should feel and behave, we as a society feel confident that everyone else shares these ideas. An assumption that usually turns out to be true.

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