Insecurities

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A WORD WITH WEIGHT By: Maddie Bergstrom Insecurity: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself.

A very brief definition for a word that has so much impact. On the surface, these eight simple letters may appear as no threat, yet that is far from the truth. Insecurities challenge us every day: what seems like a normal walk down the hallway becomes daunting when a mirror could highlight your imperfections. Glances from strangers are interpreted as stares. Social media provides an outlet for comparing ourselves to others, while society holds the record for setting unrealistic standards. In order to feel better, we do our best to conceal these aspects of ourselves, or in other words, make ourselves more accepting to society’s eye. Yet, I say it’s time to start embracing our biggest insecurities for what they are, not what we want them to be.

One of the biggest challenges with our insecurities is facing them. We often don’t enjoy sharing the parts of ourselves that we dislike the most. However, by not talking about them, we are only reinforcing our biggest weaknesses.

Don’t let them hold that power over you; don’t let them control your life. Your biggest insecurities are exactly what it sounds like: parts of yourself that you strongly dislike. What may appear as a burden to you is something someone else could love about you. As humans, we are all unique; so, why do we mask the qualities that make us ourselves?

Ever since I was younger, I hated my smile. My jaw sits higher on the right side of my face, making my smile crooked. I avoid cameras and get anxious when I must take pictures. As much as I dislike my smile, you don’t even want to get me started on my thighs. I hate how big they are to this day. My pants size is constantly changing and it’s frustrating. On top of physical characteristics, there are many parts of my personality that I dislike. I’m very shy, which poses a lot of problems in social situations. Yet even though these are my least favorite things about myself, people that are close to me note that I wouldn’t be who I am today without these qualities.

Confidence is something you must work for; it doesn’t come naturally. In order to do that, you need to challenge those negative thought patterns in your head. Don’t shy away from the parts of yourself that you “hate,” share them just as much as the parts you love. At the end of the day, your insecurities make you who you are.

The longer you fear them, the more they will consume you.

HEARING FROM THE MODELS…

by Jillian Turner Insecurities are something that affect us all. We constantly compare ourselves to others or find something about ourselves to nitpick at. Using this project as a way to showcase some flaws we see in ourselves and capture their beauty, I wanted to hear from the models pictured and ask them a few questions regarding their choice.

What is your insecurity and when do you first remember being aware of it? Was there an experience, comment, etc. made to you or were you always aware?

Sophia: I have craniosynostosis which is a birth defect that caused me to be born without a soft spot. This made my head super hard and deformed. I had to get an emergency surgery done at four months old to get a man-made soft spot so my head would grow properly. The first time I remember being aware of it was at five years old when I went to get a haircut and the hairdresser made a comment about how my head was “bumpy” and asked why I had so many scars. As I grew older, I started to look back at all of my photos and saw how “bumpy” my head really was. I was ashamed, so I threw away all of the photos. My mom was furious and asked why I threw them out, and I remember crying and telling her I was ugly.

Yahvi: My 2 biggest insecurities are my weight and the dark circles under my eyes. I first noticed my weight as “a problem” when I was 7 or 8 years old. I had always heard my parents and other family members talking about their weight as if it was a terrible thing, so when I noticed that my stomach wasn’t flat like everyone else’s I knew. I would stare at my reflection to figure out how to make my body seem “normal”. I still do it every morning by force of habit. I’ve worked out my entire life, so I know I’m not unhealthy, but despite this fact, I’ve never felt completely comfortable with the way my body looks and performs.

Ginger: My insecurity is my stomach and its size specifically. I’ve always been aware of it. Even

when I was in preschool I believe, I always had some sort of tummy. I don’t know how I felt about it at that point, but I just knew it was there. It wasn’t until I was about 6 years old that I started feeling bad about it. One of the boys on my soccer team, someone I thought was my friend, called me chubby. I ran crying to my babysitter, she told me he probably just liked me, which definitely was not the case.

Does your insecurity affect your everyday life?

If so, how?

Sophia: Yes, it does, medically if I get hit in the head I swell 4 times the regular amount. This causes a constant danger in my life and I would need to go to the hospital because of this.

Physically, I hate how my head looks when my hair is up because you can see how “bumpy” my head still is. I have a lot of insecurities about both of these things.

Ginger: Of course, it’s not exactly something I’m able to hide. It’s always right there, in my face, reminding me that I should lose weight or that no matter how much I try, my stomach will always stick out in my jeans. I think I’ve lived with it for so long, with those constant thoughts, sometimes they’re a little easier to ignore, but I still know they’re there.

Why do you believe our flaws affect us or matter to us so much? Do you think they should carry as much weight as they do?

Sophia: I think our flaws matter to us mostly because of the comments or attention they can

receive. Our society makes us believe that we have flaws because they tend to point them out.

I did not think my head looked different until that day at the salon. Flaws only carry weight if we let them. If we just accept them and love them, our flaws will slowly carry less weight. We will begin to allow them into our own lives and that is how we grow.

Yahvi: The weight of our flaws often builds us, so I don’t find it fair to say they shouldn’t carry weight. Not acknowledging my flaws, physical or otherwise, would make me inhuman. But I do think the reason they hold so much weight is because we’ve been told that we should look a certain way and that the way we look determines our happiness. I can’t even say that is false because the way we’re perceived unfortunately does determine our happiness to an extent; at least it does for me. Whether you choose to fit in or stand out, others’ perceptions of you leave an impression on your own perception of yourself.

Ginger: We live in a society where perfection and physical attraction are valued; our flaws keep us from being perfect. Do I think it’s wrong?

Of course, but I also realize it’s unlikely those values will ever go away. I believe they carry the weight we give them, and we always give them too much power.

When do you feel most beautiful? Why? Sophia: In the shower, when I am just me; no makeup, no waist trainers, and no spanks. This makes me feel the most beautiful because it is purely me and being alone in my thoughts.

Yahvi: I feel the most beautiful when I’m around

people who let me forget about my weight or my dark circles. Around some people, I don’t feel the need to hide what I actually look like because I know they’ve seen every side of me and could care less about how I physically portray myself. They’ve seen the ugliest sides of me, so there’s no use covering my physical flaws. Usually that’s my family.

Ginger: I have a really hard time feeling beautiful.

Sure, when I get dressed up to go out with a full face of makeup on, I know I look good, but do I feel beautiful? I don’t know. One of the times I feel most beautiful is when I get out of the shower; the redness is gone from my face and all the dirt and bad shit has been washed away.

I just feel renewed, and natural, in a way, if that makes sense. *Responses were edited for grammatical errors by the author.*

CONTRIBUTORS MODELS Yahvi Mahendra Ginger Townsend Reena Singhal Sophia Egge MAKEUP Sophia Egge Casey O’Connor

PHOTOGRAPHY Yahvi Mahendra Ginger Townsend Maddie Wilson STYLISTS Reena Singhal Claire McKinstry

WRITING Jillian Turner Maddie Bergstrom GRAPHICS Aishwarya Gouthaman VIDEOGRAPHY Luke Canning