5 minute read
Open Marriage: An Exploration of Polyamory
from January 2023
Open Marriage
An Exploration of Polyamory
By: Cheermom
Marriage vows are simple and easy to understand. So why do about 50% of marriages end in divorce and why are 40% of divorces due to infidelity? I have officiated many weddings in the past 12 years and have never heard a couple say I promise not to cheat. Most will say that it is implied but I disagree. I will say that all divorces happen because of lack of communication, aka failure to honor you all the days of my life. And this, my sexually free friends, is why there is only about a 5% divorce rate among open marriages. Lifestyle couples know how to communicate.
Ask any evolutionary antropologist
The human species was not meant for monogamy. Since naughty little Eve took a bite of the forbidden fruit, men and women have been evolving emotionally and sexually. Although growing and raising a family is ingrained into our DNA, the ability to have our sexual desires met by only one partner has not.
The first recorded orgies date back to 186 B.C. when the Roman senate voted to quash drunken sex parties. That didn’t stop them. Soon after, the Egyptians declared “Spring Fever” to be celebrated every spring, and it was socially accepted by all. When the SwapMeats were over, couples went back to their everyday lives. The crops got planted, the children were cared for, and more children were born. The human race didn’t end. So why is the lifestyle so taboo today? Let’s blame it on "insecure people” for now.
When you say your marital vows in front of family, friends, and your higher power, you honor them with your whole heart. You didn’t read between the lines or let friends define them for you. The meaning was between you and your spouse. You talked about them before you said “I Do” and you will be talking about them, till death do you part. Marriage, like the human race, is forever evolving. Finances change, the family dynamic changes, and so do desires. Never stop tweaking the meaning of your vows.
It is daunting to discuss change within your family, but we do it. Do we have enough money for me to go back to college? Are we ready for a child? Can we survive Mom living with us? Babe, how would you feel about a three-some? I don’t know about you but talking about Mom living with us was way scarier than talking about having a threesome. Open communication between partners is paramount to the relationship's survival. Lack of results is a slow, painful death of a marriage.
So I reached out to my vanilla married friends to see what their thoughts were, and my heart was broken. I interviewed four couples. Couple number 1 has been married for almost 20 years. Their one and only marriage has been riddled with lying, cheating, and many talks of divorce. The marriage started going downhill about two years in, after the birth of their first child. He lost sexual desire because “She let herself go,” and she lost confidence in herself as a wife because she was always tired; being a new Mom. We’ve all heard this story before so I won’t go into more detail but I did ask them, ”Did you two talk about the new feelings and changes that were taking place?”
Their answer was, “Yes, we argued about it every day until there was no point.” They are staying together “until the kids get older.” The youngest is 8. So sad. Arguing is not communication. Couples 2 and 3 have been married multiple times. All marriages ended after infidelity, and the trust was gone. I asked them if it might have been because of communication problems before the infidelity. Their answers were similar in that “you have a point” there seemed to be a light bulb going off over their heads. I left them with plenty food for thought.
Couple number 4 surprised me. They have been happily married for almost 35 years. I asked what their secret was. Their answers were “trust” and “communication.” They assured me there was nothing they couldn’t confide in each other about. “We talk [just] about everything.” I asked if they had ever cheated on each other. Their answer was, is “not in the traditional sense.” That answer was followed by a giggle from her and a wink from him. I’ve known these people since I was a child. It turns out the live-in babysitter was the stay-at-home Mom. I had no idea. A big Poly high-five to them!
Now imagine, if you will, a society where couple number 4 could have spoken freely about their open marriage to couples 1, 2, and 3. Without persecution or discrimination. Would 1, 2, and 3 have had more successful marriages? Most likely. People need to know that what might be considered taboo to the few are not taboo to the many. It’s simply human nature and needs to be discussed. In a world where we applaud men birthing babies and Miss America being [biologically] a Mister, discussions on sexual freedom and open communication should be a piece of pineapple upside-down cake. Now is the time to come out of hiding and spread the secrets of successful marriages. Be prideful of your marriage. Educate others on how to honor their vows and honor their spouse. Never feel shame in success! Could this be the beginning of a new sexual revolution that will save families from a slowly dying marriage? I don’t know, but it seems like an excellent place to start.
