Head of School’s Message

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Being Somebody Who Makes Everybody Feel Like Somebody

As I am writing this message, it is a few days before our hotly contested national election. The coronavirus is raging across America and many parts of the globe, and the critical implications of the world’s climate crisis and our country’s racial reckoning are growing more evident every day. Emotions are running high, and it feels like everyone needs to take several very deep breaths and get a grip before 2020, In his influential book Emotional Intelligence: this memorable year, comes to an end. Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, the author Often in the last few months, I have thought forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. about an article I read last March in the When we focus on ourselves, our world Harvard Business Review. It was called “That contracts as our problems and preoccupations Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief.” Drawing on loom large. But when we focus on others, our the work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross about the world expands. Our own problems drift to the stages of grief and loss, the article’s author periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, Scott Berinato describes the uncertainties many and we increase our capacity for connection— people have been feeling about the future. He or compassionate action." calls this “anticipatory grief” and suggests that Dan Goleman wrote, "Self-absorption in all its naming such emotions is the first step in This issue of the Lamplighter includes several managing them. feature articles about SEL, or “social and emotional learning,” which the WSJ columnist Julie Jargon defines as “the process by which children learn to understand and manage feelings, develop empathy for others and acquire problemsolving skills.” She says that, because of the combination of pandemic and distance learning, SEL has never been more important or more difficult.

Faculty at Allen-Stevenson have been using the framework from the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) to help students develop healthy identities, manage emotions and make responsible

Mr. Trower greeting boys as they arrive at school

Upper School summer reading group discussion

and caring decisions. As shown in the circular diagram on the next page, the CASEL 5 competencies are:

SELF-AWARENESS (The abilities to understand one’s own emotions, thoughts, and values and how they influence behavior across contexts.)

SELF-MANAGEMENT (The abilities to manage one’s emotions, thoughts and behaviors effectively in different situations and to achieve goals and aspirations.)

SOCIAL AWARENESS (The abilities to understand the perspectives of and empathize with others, including those from diverse backgrounds, cultures, and contexts.)

RELATIONSHIP SKILLS (The abilities to establish and maintain healthy and supportive relationships and to effectively navigate settings with diverse individuals and groups.)

RESPONSIBLE DECISION-MAKING (The abilities to make caring and constructive choices about personal behavior and social interactions across diverse situations.)

These competencies help our students develop the resilience and confidence they can exercise throughout their lives. Using A-S Bridge 2.0 this fall, our Allen- Stevenson learning community has opened school with remarkable confidence, energy and optimism. We are talking about the theme of Passionate Learners, Compassionate Achievers in describing the special work and deeper learning that Allen-Stevenson does with boys. Deeper learning gives students the tools to master academic content and apply the skills and knowledge to real-world situations.

By now, you may have wondered what the title—Being Somebody Who Makes Everybody Feel Like Somebody—for this message means. More likely, you have figured it out! It’s captured in the Allen-Stevenson 20/20 Vision, where we describe the educational goals for our boys: “We expect him to be active and engaged in his own learning, so that he becomes intellectually, socially and emotionally strong. We help boys learn that they can make a difference, that is, to make the world a better place.” Undoubtedly this starts working to be somebody who makes everybody feel like somebody.

In closing, I would like to thank the contributors to this issue of the Lamplighter and wish each of you success in working

together to meet the challenges we all face. Fortiter et Recte!