Allen-Stevenson’s Emphasis on Supporting the Whole Boy

a talk FEATURES ALLEN-STEVENSON’S EMPHASIS ON SUPPORTING THE WHOLE BOY A Talk from the Wellness Series Panel on April 5, 2022

By Dr. Michael Schwartzman, Consulting School Psychologist and Co-Author, with Elena Lister MD, Giving Hope: Conversations with Children About Illness, Death, and Loss (Publication date August 2022. Penguin Random House)

It has always been apparent to me that Allen-Stevenson is an extremely caring community. Throughout my 29 years here, the heart of the School has always been the partnership that the faculty, staff, and administration, and now CL+D, too, have with our parents, in support of our boys and their families. The communal interest, which always focused on academic achievement, importantly, also has stressed the whole boy, the individual boy, the caring boy. Together, we always placed this focus within the context of what is happening in the larger environment around the boys. As Mr. Trower has always reminded us, during the hard times that inevitably befall, our tradition and practice of supporting and caring for the student and his family require great consideration of what he goes through, personally and communally. And in my tenure here at A-S, we have lived through many hard times.

I remember many, many years ago, as I waited to begin a 4th-grade Parent Connection meeting, I wondered about how to counsel a group of parents, one of whom had lost her husband to a heart attack just the night before. My childhood friend, who was a 4th-grade parent and, at the time, was the current head of the Parents Association, came over to me and said, “Michael, we don’t want to talk about how to talk with a child about death. We need to use this time to plan for what this family is going to need.” And they did.

We sat together and talked through 9/11, personal catastrophes, natural disasters, and the pandemic as we do now. During such times in the past, we have talked as a community about our children’s needs and especially about the emotional well-being of the community. The guiding principle has always been that if our boys can’t feel well socially and emotionally, it is much harder for them to focus and learn academically. And so too with this pandemic.

What is exciting to me is how, once again, parent and school actively partner to support each other’s efforts. Today, we have the privilege of having two parents, both mental health practitioners, who will talk with us about what to look out for in our children, children they know personally, that might indicate underlying stress and anxiety, and what you as parents might do in response. We have an

A-S educator who knows your boys personally and where they are coming from socially and emotionally. And we are led by our “chief” parent in meaningful conversation and, hopefully, challenging questions. Each of these participants, in the same open, supportive and practical style used in Parent Connection meetings years ago, is bringing their personal and professional skills into this conversation to address your questions and concerns about what is going on right now with your children.

When we talk about mental health and endeavor to assess challenges that may impact it, we look for changes in behavior, motivation, emotional regulation and capacity for getting along with others. We look for signs of irritability, aggression, heightened vigilance, or withdrawal. We look for behavior that seems to be regressing to earlier stages, clinginess, and loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities. I want to assure you that these same questions are entertained daily by the teachers who observe your boys in their classes and in advisory. With great sensitivity. There is an ongoing back and forth between the teachers and their students, so they become well-known to each other. They are able to talk freely together, and the teachers are able to pick up issues that seem relevant, given their understanding of each child. There is an ongoing dialogue with Learning Resources on learning and emotional matters, as there is with me as the Consulting Psychologist. All of this information and thoughtful assessment, whether through routine reports or if something in particular is noticed, is conveyed to you. Your concerns are easily registered with any of the people working with your child, and your input is welcomed.

I remain very positive about our ability, with you in partnership, to recognize and respond to stress in our boys as we emerge from the pandemic. Throughout this time, I have emphasized at the beginning of Parent Connection meetings how A-S has served as a mothership bringing everyone together in whatever is the safest way in an effort to encourage a social and emotional togetherness that would support each boy as he maintains his efforts academically. As we acknowledged the priority of safety first, we also have recognized the fact that academics might slip in favor of emotional adjustment during such a scary time. We have worked together to bring everyone through as well as we could hope. In this way, and now with the help of our community’s helpers, we can assess and identify what requires some extra effort. We have lots of time now to address needs—social, emotional and academic— that we see call for further attention.