Back of the Barn Sam Lieberman ‘22

your mother. We were very young and when we had you I was planning on going to the University of Oxford in England. I had to choose and decided to go to Oxford. I loved your mom and was heartbroken when I had to leave her. I’ve been miserable ever since and can’t find anyone to fill the gap in my heart. I understand if you can’t forgive me but I just want to say that I’m sorry.” I burst out in tears realizing the huge mistake I made. I explain to my dad what happened and he says, “Take this money, go buy a ticket to New York and go back to Sandra. Don’t make the same mistake I made.” I grabbed the money and hurried to the head of Oxford. As I approached him gasping for air, I said “I’m sorry but I’m not going to take the scholarship to Oxford. I left a key part of me behind and can’t live without it.” I quickly explain the situation I’m in. Understanding they say, “Well although we can’t have a wonderful student like you here at Oxford. I understand and hope everything works out.” I smile and run to the airport. I paid for the earliest flight to New York and didn’t care how much it cost. As long as I’m with Sandra.

I arrived at 4:00 am in Buffalo New York with eye bags dropping from my eyes. No matter how tired I was, I wouldn’t give up. I pull out my phone and order an Uber. As the Uber arrives I throw my luggage in the car and off we went.

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I felt relieved to be somewhere I’m used to. I saw the playground I used to play at when I was younger. I saw the game store where my mom bought me my first Gameboy. Then, I saw the hospital my mom died at. I looked down as I was remorseful for my mother. However, for some reason, I smile. I’m not sad but instead joyful. I look at myself confused. Why was I happy? Am I happy my mom died? Am I happy that everything I had is gone? But then a lightbulb appears over my head. I begin to laugh hysterically as my Uber driver looks at me weirdly. I’ve finally figured out why I’m happy and not sad. It’s because of all the things I’ve lost, my mom, my dad, my happiness. All these things never truly left me. My mom still lives inside of me. Every time I think of her I remember the times when we were together. The day she bought me my first Gameboy, my 10th birthday, and all those times she’s been there for me. These memories remind me of when I was happy and oblivious to the world. My dad leaving me made me stronger. Although I hated him, I still loved him deep inside and cherished our memories. All these things brought me happiness but I was blind. I viewed the world as nothing but torture. I woke up each morning wondering why I shouldn’t fall asleep forever. This was until I met Sandra. She made me happy. I woke up each morning happy and when I had to sleep, all I could think about was spending time with Sandra. These important people that are in my life brought

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Back of the Barn Sam Lieberman ‘22

me nothing but happiness and when they left me, they left me with things to remind me of them. I remember my Gameboy, every time I think about it I think about my mom and smile. Every time I think of tomorrow, I think of Sandra. Every time I think of when I was younger, I think of my dad. I always thought that these people are just another person in my life. But I never stopped to realize how much I need them.

As we arrive at my apartment, I rush up the stairs as I drag my luggage along the way. I frantically rattle my keys. However, as I put the key into the key slot I pause since that’s when I realized how much of a jerk I was. I left Sandra alone, all by herself. Without even saying goodbye. I was no better than my dad. I left those close to me for what? Money? What’s the point of having money if I’m sad. Back when I approached my dad in England, he looked depressed. It was as if he put on a smile and acted like everything was okay. He didn’t say anything to make me think this, I just knew. He had no one, he left me and my mom and probably doubted that we’ll forgive him. He even told me, “Once I went back to Buffalo New York a couple of years ago to try to make things right. As I was approaching the door to your guy’s apartment, I heard you and your mom talking and laughing. You guys seemed happy. Why would you guys need me? I told myself that

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