AHN AUG 5 2021

ALASKA HIGHWAY NEWS

THURSDAY, AUGUST 5, 2021 | OP-ED | A11

Speaking your partner’s love language #MOMLIFE

is Quality Time, but you’ve been giving them Acts of Service, they may not be feeling as loved despite your efforts. When you’re aware of each other’s love languages, it’s easier to feel more in sync by showing love the way your partner needs you to.

By A.M. Cullen Our family is approaching on a year with our new little addition, and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions and challenges. And while steering through the ups and downs of new parenthood, it’s easy to neglect (or feel neglected by) your partner.

So this week I wanted to leave the kids behind and talk about you and your partner – specifically an easy way to check in with each other and realign your communication.

How Do I Find Out My Love Language?

The Love Languages One of best relationship tools that my partner and I have used for years is Gary Chapman’s Love Languages.

Though not a new concept, first published in 1992, this relatively simple psychological theory has proven successful for many couples over the decades. The concept centres around a person’s preferred communication and how it manifests in a relationship. Chapman categorized how different personalities like to give and receive love. His five categories are as follows: Acts of Service For people whose preferred love language is Acts of Service, it’s actions that matter. They feel loved when their partner opts to do things for them like wash the dishes, change a diaper, or offer to go and grab take out for dinner.

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What is your partner’s love language?

Receiving Gifts If your love language is Receiving Gifts, then you feel loved when your partner gives you a heartfelt gift. It doesn’t have to be extravagant; it could be something as small as bringing home a KitKat for you after a run to the store to grab milk because they felt “you needed a break.”

Words of Affirmation Those with a preference for Words of Affirmation really appreciate hearing kind words from their partner. It could be saying to

your partner that, “they’re a really great dad,” or thanking them after they help with a nighttime feeding.

Quality Time If you’re someone who really values one on one time with your partner, your preference may be Quality Time.

For these people, putting your phone away and doing something together is what means the most (and yes, that could be just vegging out and watching TV together when baby is napping).

Physical Touch

For people that have this preference, being physically near their partner is how they feel loved. If this is your partner, it doesn’t mean you have to jump to a “roll in the hay,” (‘cause let’s be honest here, “rolls” seem a little fewer and farther between these days). Instead, it could be as simple as holding their hand, giving them a hug, or cuddling up on the couch.

Why Should I Care?

One of the reasons I like using this tool is because it makes communication clearer in your relationship.

If your partner’s preference

To find out your love language take this short quiz on The Love Languages website: www.5lovelanguages.com/ quizzes/love-language.

When you and your partner finish your quiz, make sure you take the time to talk about your results and how that could manifest in your relationship. Try and make it a goal to purposely give love in your partner’s preferred way three times this week.

As a last note, acclaimed relationship researcher John Gottman found that one of the prominent reasons couples break-up within the first seven years of their marriage is the stress of becoming parents. His study from 2000 (www.psycnet. apa.org) found that 67% of couples were reporting a decline in relationship satisfaction after having a baby.

Yes, life is crazier these days, but does that mean our relationships are destined to be as well? We spend so much time, money, and energy giving our baby the best, why not give baby the best relationship role models by investing in your partnership?

Happy communicating!

A.M. Cullen lives and writes in Fort St. John.

Saying farewell to Dave Kyllo, Dick Ardill

I

t’s taken me a lot longer to write this latest column than I expected, but felt the need to take my time with it.

This month, one of our oldest board members will be leaving the community, departing for White Rock after a lifetime in the Peace.

A big thank you to Dave Kyllo and all the work he’s done in advancing the museum and Hudson’s Hope over the years, it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

For those who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Dave, he was born in Vancouver but has called this area home for most of his 87 years.

He’s been a rancher, a cowboy, a river guide, an outfitter, construction worker on the WAC Bennett Dam, and secretary and treasurer for the Northern BC guides – a living pioneer and jack of all trades in more ways than one.

I was properly introduced to Dave when I first started volunteering for the Hudson’s Hope Historical Society, covering a heritage fair as a reporter and judging students’ projects.

Dave was always been the go-to man for local history knowledge, and volunteered countless hours repairing the historical buildings on our grounds – the Peck House, MacDonald Cabin, the machine shed, and creating the Rutledge Heritage Building from the ground up.

He remains an avid outdoorsman, maintaining the

Portage trail, Steam Vents, and many other areas around town by hand. In short, we couldn’t have done it without him – the right people in the right place make all the difference, especially in small towns.

In writing this, more tragic news came across my desk – long-time resident and rancher Dick Ardill passed away earlier this month.

As a journalist, I feel lucky to have met Dick.

When I started freelancing in the pages of the Alaska Highway News, I had the opportunity to interview him on the early days of rodeos in Hudson’s Hope during the 1950s.

It was less flash and more grit back then, according to Dick - you were there for the thrill of the sport, not chasing money or fame. I feel like the world could use more grit these days.

The Ardill Ranch remains a success story, celebrating 100 years last August. Dick took over as ranch manager in the 1960s from his father, Jack Ardill.

Jack was born in Ireland and immigrated to Canada in 1909 when he was only 19. He met his wife Betty in Holland during World War I and settled in Hudson’s Hope using a Homestead and Soldiers Grant.

The ranch was barebones in the beginning - a team of horses, a cow and calf, some chickens, a plow, a mowing machine, a rake, some furniture, a tent,

HUDSON’S HOPE HISTORICAL SOCIETY

Dave Kyllo hard at work during construction of the Rutledge Heritage Building.

and a year’s worth of food supplies.

Today the ranch has 400 heads of cattle, horses to spare, modern equipment, and more – well deserving of a Century Farm Award.

And it remains in the hands of good people, Dick’s daughter Renee manages the ranch with the help of family.

There’s a lot of legacy in Hudson’s Hope that people should be proud of, it’s what builds the community.

While I have the time, I’d like to thank our curator Elinor Morrissey for her hard work and dedication to building the museum up

over the past decade – she’s done a phenomenal job and leaves huge shoes to fill.

She recently submitted her resignation, and will be moving south in September to Nelson, relocating to be closer to family with her husband John, who’s accepted a position as an electrical foreman at the Kootenay Canal. John’s helped the museum almost as much as she has.

I’m privileged to have worked closely with Elinor both as museum staff and as a board member. The adage remains the same – the right people in the right place truly make all the

difference.

There’s a lot to thank both Elinor and Dave for, and it’s impossible to fit it all into a single column.

They’ll be missed.

On a lighter note, our next meeting and AGM is coming up soon - August 19, 2021 at 7 p.m. at the museum.

Please consider joining our board, everyone is welcome. If you would like any further information, please call the Museum at (250) 783-5735 or by email at hhmuseum@pris.ca.

Tom Summer is the President of the Hudson’s Hope Historical Society.