Grazing Grace

BIG BOYS DON'T CRY?

A FATHER'S DAY STORY

BY GREG A. LANE

When I was an older teenager, I remember watching a parenting seminar at my church called “Focus on the Family” featuring the well-known author and psychologist, Dr. James Dobson. I wasn’t even contemplating marriage at the time, but, for some reason, my heart was warmed by the thought of one day becoming a father. I remember taking notes while watching that seminar. A 17-year-old kid taking notes on parenting … imagine that! I knew one day I was going to be a father, and I wanted to be a good one.

Ten years later, I met the “love of my life” … the woman who would become my wife. I knew I couldn’t live without her. The way my heart skipped a beat when I was with her let me know I had found the true meaning of the word “LOVE.” In April 1989 we were married and began a life together.

Two years later, my wife announced the news: “We’re going to have a baby!” I didn’t know how to react at first. I was shocked. But, then I realized, “This is what I’ve always wanted … I’m going to be a FATHER!” I went out and bought a video recorder so I could document all that was about to transpire as my wife and I were about to bring a brand-new life into the world.

When the day of my daughter’s birth finally came, I experienced a flood of emotions. Seeing that little pink bundle of flesh “that I helped create” was overwhelming. I wanted to hold her, love on her and protect her.

When people came in the hospital room to see her, I was adamant that they must wear a hospital gown and face mask before they could hold her. The protective feeling I had toward her was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Later that day, when the nurse came to take her back to the nursery so my wife could rest, I asked, “Where are you taking her?” It didn’t sit well with me that they were taking my baby away. I was almost angry, but my wife calmed me down.

My most-favorite photo of me with my kids, goofing off at Cade's Cove in Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

I went home that night, after a full day of video recording all that had taken place. I put the video in the VCR and plopped down on the couch to watch it. As I sat there and watched the video of my baby girl being born, something completely unexpected happened. I began to cry … uncontrollably. In my mind I was thinking, “What’s going on here! What’s happening to me?” Yet, I continued to cry louder and more fervently as each second of video footage passed by. They were tears of sheer joy!

Though our daughter was very colicky and cried a lot in her first few months, none of that deterred the passionate love I had in my heart for her. I remember many nights rocking her in my arms, listening to lullabies, trying to get her to go to sleep. When she’d finally stop crying and go to sleep in my arms, I’d continue to rock her and listen to the lullabies … and then I’d begin to cry. Once again, they were tears of joy.

One year later, my wife made another announcement, “We’re going to have another baby!” This time, though, the news wasn’t as welcomed as you might expect. You see, in my mind I thought, “How can I love another child as much as I love my daughter?” I was happy, of course, but slightly concerned. I kept all of this to myself, though.

On the night before my son was to be born, my father came by to see me. Before he left, he gave me a hug and said something like, “This time tomorrow there will be another member in the Lane family.” When he said those words I broke down and cried. (I know. I know. I’m a big baby.) My dad said, “Why are you crying, Greg?” I replied, “Because I don’t know if I can love another child as much as I love Erica.” He reassured me that everything would be okay.

The next day, when my son Ethan was born, I discovered something special that happens when you’re a father. You don’t have to divide your love between your children … God expands your heart and capacity to love so you have more to give. I mistakenly thought I was going to have to take love and attention away from my daughter to give some to my son, but that’s not the way it happened. Instead, my capacity to love had doubled. Raising two children that I could love, nurture, protect and provide for brought a whole new understanding to me about the “Father Heart” of God. I remember praying, “God, no wonder You like for us to call you ‘FATHER.’ What a wonderful feeling it is!”

The next several years will always be remembered as my most favorite of my whole life. There were trips to zoos and museums. We built forts and played Hide-and-Seek. They laughed at my corny “Dad Jokes.” There were swing sets, see-saws and bike rides. There were fishing trips, campouts, and movie nights complete with freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I went with them on their school field trips. I made clever costumes for them for Halloween. I frequently went to their schools during lunch hour so I could eat lunch with them. I coached their soccer teams. I sat with them at the kitchen table to help them study for tests in school. I hugged them and comforted them when their feelings were hurt by friends. I stayed up late hours helping them with science fair projects and health fair posters. I loved every minute of it!

Then, one day it happened. My heart sank a little when my daughter said, “You don’t have to come eat lunch with me at school today, Dad.” I choked back the lump in my throat and said, “Oh … Okay.” One of my babies was growing up and didn’t need me as much as they used to. My son was still happy for me to be a part of his life, though, so I continued going to lunch with him, and continued with his field trips all through elementary school.

But, then came Junior High. I remember going on one of my son’s field trips and noticed that he kept his distance from me the whole time. I knew then it was time for me to step aside and let him grow up, too. Oh, it was painful!

So, just as much as I felt and experienced the joy of being a father, I was now feeling the pain that goes with the territory. I began to understand even more of what God goes through when His children go their own way and don’t depend on Him the way they once did. Of course, we want our kids to grow up and be independent ultimately, but there’s never a time when we (as God’s children) outgrow our need for our Father in Heaven.

The day my daughter was to drive off to Atlanta for her first year of college, I called her aside to the kitchen. I told her, “When I first met your mother, I thought I really understood what LOVE was … then along came you. You opened up my heart so I could see there was a deeper love inside me than I ever imagined. I’ve learned so much about the Father Heart of God because of you. So, just remember this. No matter how old you get, I’ll always be your Daddy … and you’ll always be my little girl.” You’ll never guess what happened next. Then again, maybe you will … I cried … actually, we both cried.

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers who are reading this article.