Deep Thought 深

In an unconventional turn of events, I found that my growing passion for stylistic arts, captivating Japanese storytelling, and beauty of my outdoor surroundings brought me to a deeper self reflection of who I am as a person. The concept of philosophy far exceeds the one track lane that I precluded it to. It's an intersection of infinite lanes and perspectives that simply try to find answers that allude us in the chaotic nature of life. These pieces of art that we digest have the ability to teach us who we are or who we are trying to be. Fashion gave me the means to embody how I wanted to feel outwardly. Anime visualized creative figures that often exemplified struggles I was attempting to manage (usually at a dramatic scale) and gave points of view of how to combat them. In traveling you find the calmness of the world and witness how incredibly vast our surroundings are, somehow minimizing your struggles. Art itself is philosophically rich and therapeutic. It's a compelling feeling to be pulled in by what we love, have it spell in no uncertain terms what this life has to offer and ponder over what that may mean to us. That’s why I dedicate this section to the strides these powerful past times have provided my intellect and how that impact has come to evolve the way I view my life altogether. I hope you enjoy it.

Change in itself stands to be one of the most difficult crossroads to encounter in life. Because it acts as an admission of doing something wrong in the first place. You don’t just make alterations to your thinking or actions when you think you're in the right, it usually implies identifying the error in your path that needs necessary correction.

And there lies the challenge. Having something so essential to development but off putting to our ego seems like a cruel joke especially when we are wired to believe in our pride. There’s rarely one action that can communicate immediate changes in our life and that consistency can still go unnoticed by many people from a distance.

We’ve all had moments where we witness other people around us reinvent the wheel of their decisions and it is often agonzing to watch. Change itself is accompanied by scrutiny. Whether you inevitably change for the better or worse, there tends to be an audience observing you constantly reminding you of how you were.

So why change at all?

In my experience, in realms such as fashion or photography, change is met with brutal criticism at times. Putting yourself in the proverbial stage of social media makes you believe the spotlight is on you after each submission. And when navigating through trial and error, the pressure from your believed perception can make it immensely difficult to hit that reset button. You fear changing the style that brought you praise in the first place. The fear of no longer having the guaranteed response you’d grown accustomed to.

The inevitability of regression feels absolute and it can hinder unfounded gems around the corner. The audience for art rebukes change but mastery in that skill requires it. It is an unending process of challenging yourself through the sensation of feeling lost to dig your way out with pure passion.

The wonder of change lies in the result not being a re-written edition of who you are but a compiled version of all you’ve experienced. It’s a graceful evolution that flashes your new strengths of which wouldn’t be capable without your former weaknesses.

But how does this apply interpersonally? The countless mistakes we make can’t always be brashly worn on our sleeve. In many instances they serve as scars of shame and regret. The inability to go in the past and convey your current revelations to yourself is a pain that lingers. The endless opposition of what could’ve been versus what is now

I struggle with regret often and futile emotions of wanting to undo actions with figures who have long since left my life. Any amount of change I offer my being now will never be observed by those I most wish to notice. The thought of many people entering and exiting my life before I reach my pinnacle of growth bothered me because what appeared as an unconscious or indecisive action has become years of contemplative thought for me. And the desire to reveal some “final” form of myself that would cast aside their preconceptions ate away at me.

But in truth this fully formed version will never come. That regret will never end because there’s no finished development for any of us. The opportunity to evolve is infinite and always changing. The strides of today may soon become trivialities down the line. In the same way an artist has to embody his mistakes of the past into his evolution so must we mold ourselves diligently to overcome what hinders us.

Embrace what has brought you this far. Denial and regret, although unpreventable, drag down the progression for the you of tomorrow. The steps we make in our lives are impossible to predict and the developments you make can impact figures you have yet to meet. It’s monotonous, introspective and insanely difficult at times.

But the rewards from growth can only be garnered when you alone decide to make that first step.