Restore
Lead by Example
By Andrea Fortenberry
By Contributer Jackie Kelley
What's Inside
from my heart to yours
Hi Friends!
Welcome to the busiest season of my life! I am currently writing this letter from my hotel room while chaperoning my kids’ spring break choir trip. We are traveling throughout New England over the course of a week. I’m excited to check four new states off my travel list!
In addition to this week, I will have had two other trips out of town for work this month. My son got his braces off and had his first track meet. We have senior pictures for my daughter, followed by ordering graduation announcements and making final arrangements for her party.
Oh, and have I mentioned that I’m launching my book on April 7 ?th
It’s also busy season in my work at The MomCo, with big deadlines coming up.
I am managing a lot of blessings in this season! I realize that in many ways, I am reaping the rewards of seeds sown and cultivated long ago: launching a book and launching a daughter. Seeds are like that; they take effort and time to grow to maturity.
I’m so grateful and it has felt hard to keep up! The Lord is reminding me to focus on the tasks for each day, to pray about upcoming tasks, and to trust Him with the results.
I’d love to hear about the things you’re cultivating in this season. Email me at andrea@andreafortenberry.com.
xoxo,
Available for Preorder
New
Devotional by
Andrea Fortenberry
Two-Minute Timeouts for New Moms will be released April 7, 2026!
Preorder on Amazon for their price guarantee
Lead by Example
by Andrea Fortenberry - written in 2015
Last weekend my family went out to eat at one of our favorite restaurants, Chipotle. (Just a side note: they have one of the least expensive kid’s meals around and it includes a drink. Plus my kids gobble up just about every bite, which makes it even more worth it.) While waiting for the kids to finish their food, I noticed two moms with strollers and toddlers waiting in line together. They placed their order and paid. Then they attempted to carry their trays full of food while juggling strollers, baby carriers and ankle biters. I quickly jumped up and grabbed two trays of their food so that they could handle the children and find a seat. They were so appreciative! As a mom who’s been there, it was the least I could do to lighten their load.
When I sat back down, my four-year-old son asked why I had taken their food to their seat. I explained to him that the mommies had their hands full and needed some help. My six-year-old daughter commented on how nice it was for us to help people like that. It made me smile that she acknowledged my gesture and it was a bonus that it was a teaching moment for my son.
So often I beat myself up for the ways that I’m not a model parent: I get impatient with my kids and I get angry at them more often than I’d like. I notice that they sometimes speak to me or to each other with a rude tone because they’ve seen me do that to them. (Ouch.)
But, like the Chipotle experience, there are positive ways that I lead by example and I’m sure you do too. I try to wake up and spend time in God’s Word every morning. Sometimes I get annoyed when the kids wake up earlier than I’d like and cut my time short. But I recently realized that they are walking in at just the right time—when they can see me with my Bible open. As time passes, I hope they will remember those mornings and how their mom loves to spend time with God, which will hopefully inspire them to follow my example.
Other ways that we can lead our families by example include:
Our Generosity: How generous are we with our time, talents and treasure? Do our kids see how we give to others?
Our Finances: Does our family live within our means? Living on a budget and without debt are great practices to model for children. If you’re not there yet, work with your spouse to get there. (I recommend Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey.) Let your kids participate and share your goals and plans for the family’s finances.
Prayer: A lot of times people find it uncomfortable to pray out loud, but if you teach your kids while they’re young, it will be secondnature to them as adults. Even if you’re nervous, step out in faith to pray with your family. It will leave a lasting impression and legacy to your kids, which is so worth the initial discomfort!
Service to Others: How often do your kids see you serving others? Find opportunities for them to see you serving others and get them involved! Teach them the story of the Good Samaritan and talk about how you can practically live that out as a family.
Even when we don’t think our kids are quite getting it, we need to keep on leading by example. They may not know why we do what we do right now, but they’re always watching.
Love is (not) all you need
When I got married at the ripe old age of 21, I firmly believed that love was, in fact, all one needed in order to have a happy marriage. I’m pretty sure I even had a decorative banner to that effect hanging at my wedding. That was it. Love was the one magical ingredient that would make all of my troubles float away into the ether.
Never again would my husband and I disagree about where to park because we would be married and in love. What’s the saying? “Get a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”? Yea, that’s kind of the picture I had in my head. As far as I was concerned, love would always save the day.
It goes without saying that I was . . . wrong. And it turned out that our love only got us through the first six days of marriage before things started to go off the rails. Because, as anyone who has been married for more than five minutes knows, love is not all you need. Not by a long shot.
But my husband and I are now almost 12 years into this whole marriage thing and we like each other more than ever. Praise the Lord. So how do you get to that point in your marriage? Well, I hate to say it and you hate to hear it, but you need to be willing to put in the work.
Successful marriages don’t happen by accident. They are not a naturally occurring phenomenon. Not for anyone. If you feel like you know someone who has never had to work on their marriage, spoiler alert, you don’t.
The reality is that all marriages require work because all marriages involve humans and all humans are imperfect. So if you don’t give your marriage your effort or attention, it will die. Just like my houseplants.
So what do we do? As an arm chair marriage expert, my best advice for a thriving marriage is to invest in it.
Time: I wish I could scream it from the roof tops, but SPEND TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE. And I don’t mean the three hours you spend doom scrolling next to each other each night. I mean, have fun together. Go out on a date, have a picnic in your backyard, spend 20 minutes catching up when you get home from work, be the little spoon at bedtime. Make a conscious choice to prioritize intentional time with your spouse and use it to foster not only fun, but connection, trust, and that love we talked about at the top of this page.
Attention: Pay attention to your spouse. Really pay attention to what they have to say, their highs and lows, their struggles, their triggers, and their joys. Pay attention to what makes them feel loved, how they communicate, their needs, their fears, and their wins. Let your spouse be the most important person in your life and don’t take them for granted.
Energy: Don’t give up when things get hard. In your marriage, you will have times where it will feel easier to shut down or walk out, but use your energy to push through discomfort and push through difficult moments because that’s where growth happens. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Be willing to invest your energy to work through difficult seasons instead of giving up.
And the more you invest, the more you will get out of it. The more respect, trust, romance, communication. All of that stuff starts to naturally flow when you give your marriage the attention that it requires.
So, no. Love is not all you need. But isn’t that kind of the beauty of marriage? The best things in life aren’t easy. So invest in your relationship. Nurture it. Cultivate it. Work hard for love so you can reap the rewards of a beautiful partnership.
Y
Jackie Kelley is a vibrant and neurodivergent storyteller, illustrator, wife, and mother. Through her Instagram content and popular “Marriage Rules” videos, she hopes to empower others to cultivate marriage rhythms that work well for them.
Her new book, So You Married A Human is now available for preorder on Amazon.
Over the past year, I’ve had so many women ask me questions about how I got started with writing, speaking and podcasting.
I love investing in other women and sharing my knowledge. In my current season, the best way for me to do this is through 30-minute coaching sessions.
You can book just one session or you can book a package for the best value. We’ll chat via Zoom or phone, you pick!
I can help you with:
Writing
Speaking
Editing
Book Publishing
Podcasting
Email list and platform building
Time management
Event planning
Motherhood And more!
Individual Session: 30 Minutes Package of 3: 30-Minute Sessions $40