MABAG Magazine

MABAG My Africa: The Bride and Groom

MAGAZINE

Love stories of two hearts coming together as one

Quarterly | Premier Issue

Dr. & Mrs. Fote Finding True Love

Dr. & Dr./Mrs. Agbor His Treasure: Her Smile, Shape & Sincerity

Mr. & Mrs. Ndi Our Union Is An Act of God

Dr. & Mrs. Fon Her Humility Stood Out

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ED I TO R’S NOT E Dear Readers,

W

elcome and thank you for your interest in My Africa the Bride And Groom (MABAG) magazine.

Love makes the world go round, it is often said. Love is that sweet feeling that emanates from two hearts, connecting them into one and eventually leading to the sacred bond of marriage.

However, every love story is unique to the individuals concerned – what it means to them, how they experience it, and how they want to share their experiences with the rest of us.

We at MABAG magazine have had the privilege to be part of several marriage celebrations among Africans from different parts of the continent and have been amazed by the pomp and cultural pageantry often exhibited in these occasions.

We created MABAG magazine for a simple reason: to provide a platform for these African couples to share their great moments with the rest of the world both in tell-it-all interviews as well as in pictures. In the interviews, the couples lead us through their amazing journey, beginning with how they met until when they eventually tied the knot, including challenges that they may have encountered through the process. The pictures exhibit both exquisite African outfit designs as well as beautiful wedding attires for the couple and the entire bridal train.

The magazine goes beyond this. It provides suggested tips such as how to achieve a fabulous wedding without “breaking” the bank; discusses some vital items on your to-do wedding list. Each issue of the magazine carries a profile of a traditional marriage as practiced by an African tribe.

We hope to publish as a quarterly, but we will adjust our schedule according to your highly valued response. As a complement to the magazine, MABAG has a blog that we are inviting you to visit as well. www.afrikbrideandgroom.com In this premier issue, we had the opportunity to meet and talk with four beautiful couples and we are excited to share with you their amazing stories and photos. For our special feature for this issue, we profiled traditional marriage as practiced among the Banyang people in the South West region of Cameroon.

We hope that you will have a positive experience as you flip through the pages of this magazine.

Thank you once again.

Sincerely, The Editor

For magazine subscriptions and correspondence, contact us at mabag@gmail.com Tel: 240 593 1707 0r 443 622 4470. Fax 240 786 6778 Visit our website: Afrikbrideandgroom.com Distribution by: Malia Distributors 3

TA BL E OF CO NTE NTS

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Finding True Love

I did not have to search far and hard to find my soulmate…

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His Treasure: Her Smile, Shape & Sincerity

We met two times – passively, before we actually met! …

Her Humility Stood Out the Most

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We met in college in 2006. Wow! That was nine years ago.

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Milestone

Our Union Is An Act of God

For me, I saw a perfect gentleman…

Miss Cameroon U.S.A. 2014

I was born in Bamenda, North West Region of Cameroon

IN EVERY ISSUE

3 Editor’s Note

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IN THIS ISSUE

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Marriage Among the Banyang People of the Southwest Region of Cameroon

Finding TRUE LOVE We both grew up in Yaoundé, Cameroon and several years ago, we moved to the United States independent of each other. When I (Bertrand) thought it was time to have a soul mate, I did not have to search far and hard, for God had a right match just around the corner for me – the beautiful, cool and sultry Ms. Laura Ayuk-Takem.

continued on page 6…

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MABAG: Could you please tell us when and how you met?

The couple: This was truly a divine intervention. We had both been praying to God and God revealed Bertrand to me in a dream, with his name written on a white tee shirt months before we ever met. We met physically at our mutual friends’ wedding and he simply introduced himself to me, just like the revelation in my dream.

MABAG: What was the most attractive thing about each other when you first met and has that changed over time?

The couple: I was most attracted by Bertrand’s sense of humor, fashion and his warm and caring nature. None of that has changed. Bertrand says he was most attracted to me by my ambitious character and God-fearing nature.

MABAG: Complete this sentence: I knew I had found the love of my life when she/he…

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The couple: When he came to me in a dream

and the dream came true in reality when we met.

When I stayed on the phone for 8 hours talking to her and realized she had all the qualities I had prayed for and written on a sticky pad put in my bible over Habakkuk chapter 2 a couple of years ago. The second time we spoke (another lengthy conversation), that was it; there was a mutual feeling that we were meant for each other.

MABAG: Let us talk about preparing for that important day. Was there any pre-wedding celebrations? (traditional marriage, bridal shower, bachelor eve or others)? If yes can you tell us about it?

The couple: Traditional marriage was done in Cameroon 6 months before our wedding. We were not there but we were updated throughout the event. There was a couple’s shower in June organized by Bertrand’s colleagues. It was heavily attended by his work family. We had a bridal party getaway in Miami for me and the ladies. That was also in June and it was amazing. In the days leading to the wedding, we had a bridal shower on

guests. We also needed a hall that will allow us party until at least 4.a.m. and allow us to provide Cameroonian food. As you can imagine, having all these elements together was not easy. Somehow, Bertrand was able to negotiate and make this happen at the Sheraton Charlotte Hotel.

Thursday and a bachelor’s eve party on Friday.

MABAG: Describe for us how you decided where and when the wedding was going to take place. What were the factors that came under consideration?

The couple: First, Bertrand asked me to decide if I wanted the wedding in Charlotte, NC where he lived or in Clearwater, FL where I lived at the time. I chose Charlotte because I couldn’t wait to come meet my Boo and settle in the Queen city.

The next major factor considered in choosing the location was the capacity. We needed a hall that could comfortably accommodate at least 1000

MABAG: Describe your bridal train (color, number etc.) can you briefly tell us about the people on your bridal train and why were these people chosen to be part of True Love continued on page 31…

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Mr. and Mrs. Fote and mother of the groom Mammy Bertha Fote.

From left to right: Heine Nzumafo (Spider), Ernest Esunge ( Dr. J), Dr. and Mrs. Fote , Dr. Shirley Ayuk-Takem, Ms. Kasama Mancho

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The wedding dress

The elegant looking Mrs. Fote

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Left: Laura and her Bridesmaids Right: Laura and the Groomsmen the third is Dr. and Mrs. Fote and The Bridal Train

Top photo: Dr. and Mrs. Fote and The Bridal Train

Left: Pictured from left to right, Rose Bate-Eya (Aunt of the Bride) Dr. and Mrs. Fote, Dr. Lambert Ayuk-Takem (brother of the bride) 10

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Her Humility Stood Out the Most

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MABAG: Could you please tell us when and how you met?

get married. For you, what was that moment?

The Couple: We met in college in 2006. Wow! That’s 9 years ago. I guess we’ve known each other for almost a decade now. After college we lost contact with each other for a couple of years and then we bumped into each other again at a graduation party in Maryland.

The Couple (Mrs. Fon): For me, it was really no moment. It was the totality of the man I came to know in the course of dating him, which lasted for about six years. He was and still is a good friend whose support for me has been steadfast in good times as well as not so good times. This brought us so close that I really did not have to think of any other reason why I should not spend the rest of my life with this man. (Dr. Fon): She is definitely speaking for both of us. I love this woman so much. I used to dream of my future and plans and each time I would see her face. I had always pictured my life with her and no one else. I am so blessed that it happened.

MABAG: What was the most attractive thing about each other when you first met and has that changed over time?

The couple: When I met her, I was taken aback by her beauty and bubbly personality but what stood out the most was her humility. Although having just been crowned winner of Miss Cameroon global beauty pageant, that achievement

did not seem to influence her attitude towards me. Somehow I just knew back then when I saw her that I had found my soul mate. She has not changed. She is still the unassuming person I met, always encouraging me to shoot for the sky. (Mrs. Fon): He is a perfect gentleman. He treats me with respect and speaks so affectionately about our relationship.

MABAG: Some couples look back and remember a special moment; something unique which finalized their decision to

MABAG: Describe the day when that important “Will you marry me” question was asked.

The couple (Dr. Fon): It was Memorial Day weekend. I invited her for shopping and I could tell that she was excited. If you know Mangwi like I do, you know she loves to shop and she loves all things fashionable, so it was easy to convince her to go shopping. After shopping, we went for dinner and on our way back we went walking hand in hand along the Arlington bridge in Virginia. At some

Humility continued on page 14…

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…Humility from page 13

point I stopped and held both her hands. She looked up at me, a little surprised. The surprise look on her face, assured me that she never saw this coming, and it pleased me. Then I asked her if she would marry me. She smiled and then said yes! She said she didn’t see it coming but I think she suspected because she knew how strongly I felt about her.

MABAG: Now you are engaged and you both now have to work together in the preparations towards that important day.

Please walk us through your preparations.

The couple: We talked through every step going forward. The venue was a no-brainer. Most of our families reside in the Maryland area, so we knew that the occasion was going to take place there.

Our customs and tradition detects a three step process. First there was the “introduction”, then the “knock-door” and finally, the marriage ceremony. Deciding on the dates was a challenge because it was difficult to accommodate the schedules of most of the people we wanted to be a part of the occasions. But at some point, we decided on a date and people adjusted their schedules accordingly.

Other families and friends were very helpful. We can’t thank them enough.

my collection. As for their production, I worked closely with Charlotte’s Angels, Suma Couture and Maneih Haute-Couture, all very seasoned designers in this genre whom I carefully hand-picked.

The groom’s outfits and the bridal parties attire was chosen and designed in the same manner.

Our colors were blue and orange, blended in our traditional fabric. We wanted something colorful, unique and ethnic. While we did not have to pay an arm and a leg for the cost, we were most impressed by the fact that the outfits came out as expected.

MABAG: Tell us about the vendors you used, were they helpful?

The couple: We worked with vendors from all over the country. They were very professional. We are so grateful for their amazing work. The Cake was prepared by Ghetash Cakes and Cupcakes & Laura Muma and the fruit table by Shuri’s Fruits.

Traditional Ceremony and Reception took place at the Buena Vista Hall in Laurel, Maryland. Our photography was A & S Photos from New York City. We had two amazing DJs, one from Texas, DJ Skeeper and the other from Georgia, DJ Inturn. These guys were awesome. They kept our guests on their feet as they blasted both traditional songs and some modern sounds. Our Videographer was Deejay Muma and my Hair Stylist and

“Our colors were blue and orange, blended in our traditional fabric.”

MABAG: What about a wedding planner?

Did you have one?

The Couple: No we did not. I am a planner myself (Mrs. Fon) and I am very comfortable with traditional wedding décor. However, I worked very closely with Gladys Party Rentals and Décor and Emis Designs and Décor on creating the theme for the wedding. Of course, the input I got from family and friends was invaluable.

MABAG: Your traditional attire was beautiful. You must have spent a fortune on that. Tell us about it.

The couple: There were three different outfits.

One was chosen by my mother-in-law, the other by my mom and the third by me. However, the general concepts for all three came out of 14

Humility continued on page 20…

L-R Mr. Eric, Dr. Fon and Mr. Jude

Mrs. Fon with her bridesmaids

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Presentation of a child to the newly wed: symbolizes child bearing blessing

Bride’s father anointing her leg: a symbol of his consent for the marriage 16

L-R Mrs. Ntumngia Susan( mother of the bride), Mr. Ntumengia (father of the bride and the bride

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Above: Dr. and Mrs. Fon with bridesmaids

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The bride identifies her groom-to-be to her parents and family by presenting him a glass of wine Distinguished mother of the groom, Mrs. Gladys Fon, and the bride

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…Humility continued from page 14

Makeup Artist was Theresa Wenja.

The Bridemaids and the groomsmen attires were done by Charlotte’s Angels, Suma Couture and Maneih.

MABAG: Selecting who would attend your wedding ceremony “Guest list” usually poses a challenge. This is because, in as much as you would love to have everyone present, there are certain constraints that wouldn’t

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allow that to happen. How did you deal with this?

The couple: Yes you are right. It was not an easy decision. After a lot of deliberations on this issue, we finally decided to make it an open invitation. And as you would imagine, we had an over-flow crowd. But we were quite pleased to see everyone.

MABAG: Please tell us about the celebration.

The couple: It was beautiful, full of cultural pageantry. There was an

extravagant display of traditional regalia. Dancing to the rhythm of our Bamenda traditional music/ dance, Mbaghalum I (Dr. Fon) was ushered into the hall and to my seat by my friends. Then I went through the exercise of “correctly “ identifying my bride. When that was done, my wife went out of the hall and made an elaborate entrance back into the hall. She was accompanied by family and friends, dancing to the beats of traditional music. This got the crowd on their

continued on page 30…

Marriage Among the Bayang People

By Solomon Agbor, Ph.D

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he Banyang people constitute a substantial segment of Manyu division, an administrative region of the South West Region of the Republic of Cameroon. They inhabit the central area of the basin of the Upper Cross River.

The institution of marriage, viewed in the perspective of the Banyang people, mirrors in many ways, those of other African cultures, and espouses the three “goods” of marriage as put forth by St. Augustine, the fifth – Century North African bishop: Marriage for procreation, fidelity and permanence. The Banyang people also regard marriage as a sacred bond that extends beyond the marrying couple.

When a man finds a woman he is interested in getting married to, he confides his interest to his father.

Marrying someone, it is held, means “marrying” to and being responsible for their family and to some extent, the community where he/she comes from.

In the past, most marriages were negotiated between families and it was not uncommon for families to negotiate on even unborn children and that the child be betrothed soon after birth. Marriage celebrations, considered a rite of passage, used to be highly cherished and festive occasions. Today, that intensity has been watered down somewhat with the advent of Christianity and the ensuing desire by many for Western-style weddings with God’s blessing through a church celebration.

That notwithstanding, the place of traditional marriages among the Banyang people is still coveted. This is partly because of the associated cost involved in a Western-style wedding but more especially, because there is a greater involvement and understanding of the traditional ceremony among the grandmas, grandpas, and in fact, by the community at large. From their perspective, a white wedding represents a foreign distraction of sort, one that places significant members of the family/community on the fringes of the activities.

When a man finds a woman he is interested in getting marry to, he confides his interest and intentions

Bayang continued on page 30…

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, e l i m S r e H : e r u s a e r T y t i r His e c n i S & e p a h S

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MABAG: Could you please tell us when and how you met?

The couple: We met two times – passively, before we actually met! Our paths crossed each other’s for the first time in our native country Cameroon when I (Alice) was a teenager and he (Solomon) was in his twenties. Several years later, when we had both but separately migrated to the United States, we met again in New Jersey and finally in Maryland.

MABAG: What was the most attractive thing about each other when you first met and has that changed over time?

The couple: Her smile and her shape, definitely! But also the sincerity in which she discusses issues related to relationships. He stands 6’ 2’’ and handsome. But beyond the physical, he is a very engaging person in many respects. Our relationship that eventually led to marriage, was and has been based on mutual respect for one other.

MABAG: Describe for us how you decided where and when the wedding was going to take place. What were the factors that came under consideration?

The couple: We decided that the traditional marriage was going to take place in Cameroon.

This was because we wanted our families and friends in Cameroon, who were not going to be privileged to travel to the U.S , to be part of the occasion. It was a great occasion. We had the Manyu “king of folklore”, Bate Nico with his full set of dancers in display. The wedding in the U.S took place at The Martin’s, a beautiful banquet facility off the 695 Freeway in Baltimore.

Immediately we walked the premises of the Martin’s, it was clear to both of us that, that was where we wanted the occasion to take place.

MABAG: Please tell us about the preparations leading to that important day.

The couple: It was a busy period. The wedding was prefaced by a bridal shower that took place a week before the event. It was a private occasion, bringing together only very close friends. The setting was glamorous. Our good friend, Mrs. Cornelia Lambe transformed her Laurel home into lovers’ paradise! The place was bedecked with colorful lightings, beautiful fresh flowers and delicately cut ribbons.

MABAG: Did you have a wedding planner or did you plan your wedding yourself. If you did, please tell us about him/her and other vendors you used.

The couple: We are blessed to have wonderful family friends in the Lambe’s. Mrs. Lambe of Lambe Decoratings, was our wedding planner – a lady whose artistic ability is simply a natural gift; has an acute eye for details and her quest for perfection, almost an obsession. With her guidance, and working with the wonderful staff at the Martins, Our preparations went through without a hitch. Please see our planning timelines and activities in the box.

MABAG: Tell us about your wedding reception. Was your reception open or close to only invited guest? If the latter, why did you decide on that?

The couple: The reception, unlike the ceremony, was invitation only – an exceptionally difficult decision making task. We had a full hall capacity. The reception was wonderful.

Alice was ushered in the hall by the beautiful and gorgeously dressed S S & S sisters (a social group based in the DC metro area), dancing to the beats of a religious song. The evening was graced by two important and special moments.

One was the display by the “ngongo” group (a traditional dance from Manyu division) represented by Ms. Patience Ebini and Mrs. Mary Lache and the other was another dance display; this time by the bride to her groom. Both of His Treasue continued on page 16…

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…His Treasure continued from page 15

Timeline for Our Activities

these got the guests on their feet.

MABAG: Are there and advice you would want to share with others?

The couple: Start your preparations early. This should be as soon as you have decided to tie the knot. Select your vendors carefully. Set timelines with them and keep them in constant touch to ensure that things are progressing as planned. Keep the interval between the ceremony and the reception short – just enough time for after-ceremony pictures and drive time to the reception. This means that, to the extent possible, your reception hall should be close to the ceremony place.

Wedding date was September 1, 2013 08/13/12: Settled on a location (ceremony and reception) St. Charles Catholic church in Pikesville, MD and Martin West in Baltimore 10 months prior to wedding: • Identified a wedding planner • Checked out locations with wedding planner • Discussed pertinent issues such as: attire for the bridesmaid and groom, wedding colors, preparing the guest list etc 8 months prior to wedding • • • •

Purchased wedding and reception dresses Signed final contract at Martin West Booked and blocked hotel rooms Contact with service providers: limousine service, DJ, video and photographers, the cake

6 months prior to wedding • Sent out “save the date” announcements • Set up bridal registry • Order invitation cards 4 months prior to wedding • Mailed out invitations • Order cake 1 month prior to wedding • Select music and settled on play list with DJ, Updated bridal registry, • Reviewed RSVP and provided list to Martin West 1 Week before before Got in touch with all vendors Day before Confirmed limousine pickup, Rehearsals Morning of occasion Hair and nails make up

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Left to right Linda Oben, Dr. Alice and Stephanie Eyong

Dr. Solomon Agbor and Paul Saah (Bestman)

Bridesmaids 25

Dr. Alice and Dr. Ernest Eyong (her older brother)

Dr. Alice and flower girls 26

Page boys and flower girls enjoying the moment

Helen (maid of honor) Dr. Alice, Aldoris and Stephenie 27

Above: Left to right: Rameach and Aldoris Bate; Ms. Helen Elangue (Maid of honor) and Mr. Paul Saah (Bestman) Below: The fabulous solidarity sisters with Dr. and Dr./Mrs. Agbor

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The beautiful bride, Dr./Mrs. Agbor Inset: Fore clockwise: Jonathan, Devin, Nathan and Baiyee Jr. (page boys) relaxed waiting for the event 29

…Humility continued from page 20

feet as they erupted in applause. After a couple of welcome speeches, the reception began. The invitees were treated to both Western cuisine as well as our traditional dishes. After the eating and a few more speeches, it was time for the first dance. I had never felt the way I felt that moment. The feeling was out of this world for me and really hard to explain - making an official statement to the world with someone so dear to me!

MABAG: Please tell us what occurred the next day?

The couple: As you would imagine, by the end of the night, we were completely exhausted. We retired to our bridal’s suite at the Sheraton hotel. We slept in late but got up early enough to get ready for the barbecue that was offered us at the Fon’s residence. We are planning a three week Caribbean cruise in the near future.

MABAG: Looking back at the entire celebration, what are the things or moments that stood out for you?

The couple: Our favorite part was when Mangwi’s father (my father-in-law) rubbed her with palm oil and gave her the cup and she went searching for me in the crowd. We also enjoyed the part when I was searching for her as well as the live musical performance, the traditional music and the dancing. The live musical performance was a surprise from me (Dr. Fon) to wife.

MABAG: Is there anything you would have changed or done differently? Any advice, based on your experience that you would love to share with other aspiring couples?

The couple: We loved everything and there is very little we would do differently. Our only advice to any aspiring couples would have to be, to carefully select their vendors and make sure that there is a clear understanding of what they want and how you want things done.

MABAG: One last question. Do you have plans for a white wedding?

The couple: Yes. This will be in the next few years.

MABAG: Thank you very much for your time and for letting us conduct this interview. We wish you all the best.

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…Bayang continued from page 21

to his father. Convinced of his son’s seriousness, his father employs the assistance of a few family members to carry out investigation on the woman’s family. This is to ensure that there is nothing in the woman’s family that would impede the marriage from going forward. Taking into consideration are: the possibility of any blood relation between the two, the existence of any genetic illness that may run in her family such as epilepsy or mental illness.

Questions are also asked of her character – is she respectful, promiscuous? These investigations are carried out privately, without the knowledge of the woman’s family. Once they are complete and all is “clear”, at the request of the man’s family, a private meeting is arranged between the two families, bringing together just a few close family members.

At that meeting, usually at the home of the woman’s parents, the groom-to-be will be present but the woman may or may not be present. The visitors are welcome, as is the tradition, with some palm wine and cola-nuts provided by the bride-to-be family.

After a few pleasantries, the host will then open the discussions usually with a euphemistic question such as: “a toad does not go out during the daytime for nothing except the situation is very important.

What brought you important people to my home today”? The interlocutor, oftentimes an uncle or some respectable person from the man’s family would clear his throat, maybe of the dregs from the palm wine he just had and would respond, saying something like: “our son has seen a beautiful bunch of plantain in your house that he is interested in having”. The plantain is a reference to the bride-to-be.

At the end of this brief encounter, the bride-tobe father would thank his visitors for coming and promise that he would get in touch with them on “this very important matter” later. It may take several weeks to relay his response back.

This interval allows them to carry out their own investigation/background check on the groomto-be family. Once this is complete and nothing deemed unacceptable to the union is found, a date for the next step, the Aka Ndak, is set.

The Aka Ndak, literally translated as “accepting the situation/matter” and commonly known as

Bayang continued on page 32…

…True Love continued from page 8

your wedding.

The couple: We had 12 groomsmen (including 2best men) and 12 bridesmaids (including 2 maids of honor). These folks are our close friends and siblings (each of us had one brother and sister) who have played a significant role in our lives through strong friendships throughout the years.

MABAG: Tell us about your dress or dresses and his tuxedo.

The couple: Both were custom made. Bertrand is a fashion designer and owns his own clothing line – 4J Couture. 4J Couture designed the suits for the groom and groomsmen. He commissioned his business partner- Ernest (Dr. J) to oversee the design of my wedding dress, since he could not see it before the big day. We had several dressing changes at the reception – the guys showcased 4J Couture’s creative designs in their different outfits.

MABAG: Did you have a wedding planner or did you plan your wedding yourself. If you did, please tell us about him/her and other vendors you may have used.

The couple: We had a wonderful wedding planner – Lee Sendze of Leeland Designs. We were lucky to assembly a great team of highly motivated and knowledgeable professionals – the best in their respective areas. Lee Sendze of Leeland Designs led the team as the wedding planner. Lingky Suggs of Flowers by Lingky did an amazing floral display. Tim Kolesar and his team at Scott Brown Media Group transformed the reception hall into paradise with wonderful audiovisual effects that complemented the décor. Gail Buff of Cheesecakes Etc created the most amazing wedding cake I have ever seen, and a wonderful Manchester United groom’s cake that I surprised my groom with. Brinsley Ewang and his team from BrinsImage Photography captured the moments in still images while Rick Kaplan and his team from Carolina Video Productions captured the moments in video. John Ficarrota of Giovianni Films produced a short movie starring Bertrand and I. It was shown to the guests as part of our entrance performance. Chef Taba Eseme of Taba Cuisine led an all-star culinary team while Helen Ashuntantang of Emerald Delights created an amazing fruit dis-

play for the cocktail hour. DJ Tambe mesmerized the guests with wonderful music and Alemanji Ajua of AjamSonics (one of the groomsmen) played the keyboard during the live performances that we did. MC’s Bendrix Tabu and Dr. Joyce Ashuntantang completed a dream team that helped us make our special day truly special and memorable.

MABAG: What were the difficulties/challenges you faced in the course of your preparations? In hindsight, how would you have averted some of them?

The couple: We did not have many challenges.

We had a great team that listened to our ideas and vision and worked hard to transform that into reality. We all had fun in the process.

MABAG: Please, tell us about your church ceremony.

The couple: It was filled with emotions. Bertrand surprised me and the entire congregation when he appeared from the back of the sacristy singing “I do (cherish you) as I walked down the aisle. That was a magical moment. Later, I found out that the bridal party and guests had been very worried when he was nowhere to be found prior to that moment. He had arranged with the wedding planner and clergy to surprise everyone and he sure did.

After that, our siblings assisted us in lighting memorial candles in honor of my late parents and Bertrand’s late father. That was a highly emotional moment as we both fight back tears.

One of the lighter moments was the offertory procession. The congregation/guests danced to the sound of Kukele gospel blasting through the church speakers. It was wonderful. The choir – comprised of Bertrand’s friends – did an awesome job.

MABAG: Tell us about your wedding reception. Was your reception open or close to only invited guest? If the latter, why did you decide on that?

The couple: The reception was closed to only invited and confirmed guests. We invited about 1000 guests and had about 800 at the reception. The Charlotte Mecklenburg police department was nice enough to

True Love continued on page 43…

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…Bayang continued from page 30

“knock-door” or engagement is considered the first important step in the marriage process.

Taking literally, the phrase “Knock door” could be considered a misnomer as no one actually uses their bare knuckles to pound on the door panel. However, symbolically, it represents an occasion when the family of the groom-to-be is requesting (knocking) the bride-to-be family for permission to enter (open the door) into serious marriage discussions about their daughter. While the first meeting discussed above is usually very private and oftentimes involves not more than six to eight persons, the Aka Ndak is a more open event, involving a lot more people from both families.

So the groom-to-be family “knocks the door” with the presentation of two crates of beer, two bottles of whisky and a head of tobacco specifically to the bride-to-be father. Once these items have been accepted, a date is set for the Nehbai or marriage. The event concludes with eating, drinking and dancing. In some cases however, the Nehbai is followed immediately after the Aka Ndak. But in others, an interval follows between these two events.

In the latter case, the woman is technically considered married to the man although she is not allowed to move in with the groomto-be until after the Nehbai has taken place.

At this stage, the groom-to-be is expected to begin assuming certain functions for his mother-in-law-to-be. In the village setting, he will help with clearing the fields, fetching wood for the fire, running errands and any other duties as requested. He is expected to carry out these duties with the urgency that is required and with a smile on his face.

The marriage proper has two seamless parts.

The first part is the payment of the dowry. A few members of both families, those who attended the initial meeting and a couple of others, gather in a room, ready to begin real discussions. Unlike the initial meeting when the presence of the bride-to-be is optional, at the Aka Nkak and the Nehbai events 32

and then after, the bride-to-be is present and plays an important role in the deliberations.

Before discussions begin in earnest about the dowry, the groom-to-be goes through the “task” of properly identifying his bride-to-be. This exercise, that usually generates lots of laughter and excitement among those present, is akin to the “Peek-A-Boo” game that parents play with their babies. Women, shrouded from head to toe, are brought into the room, one after another and presented to the groom-to-be to identify his bride-to-be. After correctly “rejecting” the other women presented, the bride-to-be, also shrouded, is finally presented. Once he correctly identifies her, his family members present erupt in applause. The bride-to-be is then unveiled and led to her beautifully decorated chair.

The real discussions now are about to begin.

In a typical village setting, a mat - patterned interwoven palm fronts strips, is laid on the floor. On it sits a mpai Nkap (one who will be responsible for counting the money). Drinks, usually palm wine if in a typical village setting, are served to those present. This is followed by pleasantries from both sides and finally, the interlocutor for the bride-to-be family says “let us hear from our daughter in this matter”.

Important to note that the both principals, though at the center of this event, rarely speak.

A token but symbolic amount of money, usually 10,000F CFA (approximately $20) is placed on the mat by the groom-to-be interlocutor. The bride-to-be interlocutor then turns to the brideto-be requesting that she picks up the money and hand it to her father as acceptance for these discussions to move ahead. At this point, everyone present sit in baited breathe, hoping that the expected happens. Without altering a word, the bride-to-be does as expected and once again this generates another wave of applause.

Having obtained the go ahead, the groomto-be family presents gifts to the bride-to-be family in appreciation for their hard work in

Bayang continued on page 42…

Our Union is an ‘Act of God’ MABAG: Could you please tell us when and how you met?

Our union is described as an “Act of God”; it was divine intervention because we were both on a divine journey and it was the right time and right moment and it all happened in God’s time. We laid eyes on each other and it was just right from that moment on.

MABAG: What was the most attractive thing about each other when you first met? How long did you date for and what was that defining moment/situation that brought you to your final decision to get married.

The couple: For me, I saw a perfect gentleman, very passionate and very loving, that is all I ever asked God for. We did not date, we got married; we decided to get married soon after we met each other, the chemistry was just right and it is even better now.

Act of God continued on page 34…

Mr. Jerome and lady Kate Ndi

Our union is described as an “Act of God”; it was divine intervention because we were both on a divine journey and it was the right time and right moment and it all happened in God’s time. We laid eyes on each other and it was just right from that moment on.

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…Act of God continued from page 33

MABAG: Please describe the moment when the important “Will you marry me” question was asked.

The couple: The question kind of crept in on both of us, we found ourselves planning our wedding and our future together and forgot about the big question……..it is so weird, there was no room for the question, it was already answered in the name of Jesus. God had already defined our union with or without questions. It is hard to explain but it is what it is.

MABAG: Let us talk about preparing for that important day. Was there any pre wedding celebration (Traditional marriage; Bridal showers; Bachelor eve or others)? If yes, can you tell us about them?

The couple: Yes we felt it was important for our families to bless our relationship so we had to follow the traditional steps of wedlock per Lebialem and Beti cultures. We both have families in Cameroon so that traditional ceremony took place back home in Limbe at our family home where both families came together to give their Blessings and approval.

MABAG: Describe for us how you decided where and when the wedding was going to take place. What were the factors that came under consideration?

The couple: We did not put too much thought into planning the wedding, we knew it was the right thing to do, to have our union blessed and witnessed by our close friends and family. Our church is close to our home and it was just right to have it there.

ange and green accents. It was so beautiful.

MABAG: Tell us about your dress or dresses and his tuxedo.

The couple: OMG (Oh My God)! My dress was a gift from God, it was just too perfect and of my taste. We shopped around for that dress until 4 weeks before the wedding before we found the right one. I love glamour and I always used to dream of the most glamorous wedding gown and I found it. I was happy with it. Very costly but it did it for me. Jerome is a professional Stylist so he took his time to put together his outfit, he made sure everything was just right, all adjustments were done ahead of time, he does not play with his looks so he had his stuff together and ready while I was still dancing around looking and shopping.

MABAG: Did you have a wedding planner or did you plan your wedding yourself. If the latter, what was the reason for not having one?

The couple: Yes we had a wedding planner for the wedding. Her Brand is Oulala, she was very helpful, I also had my sisters who did a lot of the ground work before the wedding so they also helped to plan the wedding. The Photography was done by Omar Rafik and Selmo Photos, the Music was provided by DJ Tambe and we are also grateful to the Trinity Choir at our church as well as EX-Sakerrettes DC and National Members as well as Class of 1987 who came in their numbers and blessed the wedding with their lovely voices.

MABAG: Tell us about the vendors you used, were they helpful?

MABAG: Describe your bridal train (color, number etc.) ; can you briefly tell about the people on your bridal train and why these people were chosen to be part of your wedding.

The couple: Yes I was very impressed with everyone, my Cake Lady Bessem was awesome. I gave her this picture of a cake to reproduce and she did it even better than the picture. I am proud of her, a graduate of Buea University, I honor her for the great job and it was very affordable too.

The couple: The bridal train was very beautiful, the page boys and girls were in White with orange accents, we had 10 Bridesmaids in Orange, 10 Maids of Honor in Lime Green, 15 Ladies in Waiting dressed in Orange Lace and the groomsmen were in Black Tuxedos with Or-

MABAG: What were the difficulties/ challenges you faced in the course of the preparation? In hindsight, how would you have averted some of them?

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Act of God continued on page 47…

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Mr. & Mrs. Ndi

Mr. & Mrs. Ndi with bridal train 36

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The grand entrance of Mr. and Mrs. Ndi

The one and only fabulous Lady K 38

Mr. and Mrs. Ndi

MILESTONE

THE TABES: 40 Years of Marriage

MABAG magazine sat with Mr. & Mrs. Tabe after the couple celebrated 40 years (ruby anniversary) of marriage to share with us the secret of their success. We started by asking them about their family.

The couple: Thank you for coming to talk with us.

My wife and I have been married since 1975. We are the parents of 8 lovely children, five of whom are here in the United States with us and 3 in Cameroon. I migrated to the United States in 2006 after my retirement from the Post and Telecommunications ministry and a few years later, my wife and children joined me. As a family, we have

Milestone continued on page 24‌ 39

‌Milestone continued from page 23

faced the challenges of America as best we can and in various ways, I can say we have been successful.

MABAG: Tell us about your life as a couple back in your native country, Cameroon.

The couple: We were officially married at the Tinto customary court by a civil marriage administrator. In those days, our area did not have a mayor who would conduct the marriage ceremony like they do today. Therefore, in lieu of a resident marriage officer like the mayor, there were itinerant marriage officers who traveled from village to village conducting these ceremonies. As it were, our ceremony happened a day after the traditional marriage celebrations conducted according to the Banyang traditional customs was done in my village of Ebeagwa. This is in the Upper Banyang sub division of Cameroon. A few days after the official marriage, my wife joined me in Mbanga, in the Littoral province of Cameroon where I worked as a P&T accounts officer. We then moved to Maroua, Yaounde, Buea and Kumba where I finally retired from the civil service. My wife was a house-wife who would provide minor tailoring work at home, while bearing and looking after our children.

MABAG: 40 years is such a long time.

With all the challenges people face in relationships and marriages, what kept you together this long?

The couple: Yes you are indeed correct. Even though it has been long since we were newlyweds, it seems to us like we were married just a few years ago. In regards, marriage is indeed full of challenges. It will never be honey and sweets every day, because as human beings we are fundamentally different. As such, misunderstandings are bound to happen. Yes, we have also had our own share of challenges but if I may summarize, here is what I would say: 1-Consider marriage as a sacred union ordained by the almighty God for two persons. In our minds, that is how we think about it. So whenever there is a misunderstanding, we channel the problem to Him in prayers and we get a solution for it.

2-When we identify someone who may be a bad influence in our marriage, to the extent possible, we keep away from that or those individuals.

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Mr. and Mrs. Tabe and children

3-We love and trust each other, consider and treat each other like a brother and a sister.

4-Finally, God blessed us with these lovely children and that further strengthened our relationship.

MABAG: Your celebration was quite remarkable. Tell us about it.

The couple: As I mentioned earlier, we have 5 of our children here. They surprised us with this celebration. We were completely amazed by how things were put together – the hall decorations, the cake, our outfits and the crowd that was present. We really want to, once again thank them for that thought and also thank all the people who contributed to making that day what it was.

MABAG: Any special word to each other before we end this interview? How do you intend to keep it going?

The couple: My wife is God’s gift to me. I love her passionately. I can assure her that after 40 years of feeling her heart beat next to mine, only the good Lord is going to separate us in death. By the way, after that wonderful occasion, as an appreciation of her love for me, I presented her with a beautiful neck lace. (Mrs. Tabe smiling): I also cooked his favorite meal, our native fufu and Eru with lots of “particulars” in the eru. I love him too and I shall continue to do what I have always done, which is making sure that his meals are ready, his clothes are clean and remian an obedient partner.

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…Bayang continued from page 32

bringing forth and raising such a “beautiful woman of impeccable character”. The father is presented with a long sleeve shirt, a loin cloth, a hat, a cane (walking stick) and a sum of 60,000 FCFA (approximately $120) while the mother receives a loin cloth, a blouse, a head scarf and 40,000 F CFA. The shirt has to be long sleeve to protect the father’s arms from mosquito bites, while the cane is to help steady the old man’s gait and a hat to protect him from the heat of the sun.

In the past, no fixed amount was requested by the bride-to-be family for the dowry. That initiative was usually the discretion of the groom-to-be family.

Nowadays, that practice has changed. The groomto-be family is advised in advance on how much is demanded of them. The amount, which is subject to debate and negotiation is determined, for the most part, by the extent of education attained by the bride-to-be. In the case that the groom-tobe family is wealthy, the dowry is paid with no or minimal negotiation. The money is placed on the mat and the Mpai Nkap counts it, signals that it is correct and hands it to the bride-to-be father. In the case that the groom-to-be family is not wealthy, the negotiation process sets in.A certain amount of money is placed on the mat by the groom-to-

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be family interlocutor. The Mpai Nkap counts it and informs the bride-to-be family. A few family members would caucus and if not satisfied, a message is sent back to the Mpai Nkap who in turn informs his counterpart to “go and come”. This back and forth process goes on until the bride-tobe family finally agrees on a presented amount.

Like the announcement that follows the conclave when a new pope has finally been selected, someone emerges from the room after the dowry has been accepted and makes the announcement to the waiting crowd of family and friends outside and the crowd erupts in joy.

The ceremony now moves outside and continues with the throwing of libation and the performance of other traditional rituals. The marriage is now consummated and the party/celebrations begin.

This goes on late in the night to the wee hours of the morning. The following day, a delegation is selected to escort the bride to her husband home.

When the bride gets there, her arrival is welcome by women from her husband’s family. There is singing, beating of drums, dancing and presentation of gifts to the bride by the groom’s family. Most of the gifts are mostly household items especially kitchen utensils. And the party continues!!

…True Love continued from page 31

help with ensuring the safety and security of our guests. We wanted to make sure that our guests had a remarkable experience.

MABAG: Who decorated the hall, what were the colors?

The couple: Leeland Deigns and Flowers By Lingky. The hall was decorated in all white.

Scott Brown Media Group provided an awe-inspiring audiovisual production. The hall was transformed into paradise with different lighting effects capturing the mood for different parts of the reception. There were 12 crew members from Scott Brown Media Group on scene during the entire reception involved with production.

MABAG: Who chose your music (first dance etc.?)

The couple: Bertrand and I chose the music. It was another deviation from the norm. Our first dance music was a medley of different songs that told our story – It started with zouk (which we both love), then gospel (demonstrating out deep faith), then Bend Skin (honoring Bertrand’s Bamileke roots), then Manyu rhythm (honoring my Manyu roots), then Bikutsi (honoring out Yaounde upbringing – we both grew up in Yaounde) and back to zouk to bring it all together.

It continued until 4.a.m. on Monday morning.

MABAG: Did you go for a honeymoon after your wedding and if so where?

The couple: If not are you still planning and where would you like to go? We went to Tahiti for our honeymoon

MABAG: How can you be honest about a situation without hurting your partners feeling?

The couple: Open communication is the only way. We try to explain our thoughts and feelings about the situation and our understanding that we love each other dearly.

MABAG: If you had to do it again, would you? Are ther anything you would you like to change?

The couple: Absolutely would! We can’t think of anything to change. The wedding was perfect.

We are blessed to have such a wonderful relationship marked by love and our faith in God

MABAG: We will like to sincerely thank you for your time and the opportunity to interview you for the MABAG magazine.

We wish you the best in your marriage.

MABAG: What was the best wedding gift you received?

The couple: Unconditional love!

MABAG: What was the best part of the wedding for each of you? If you have to do this again, is there anything you will like to change?

The couple: My best part when my husband surprised me in church and sang for me as I walked down the aisle. Bertrand says he enjoyed every moment – he sure had a ball!

Bertrand was the happiest groom I have ever seen. He had a ball. Laura was the prettiest bride ever! She looked stunning –hmmmm!

MABAG: Who got up first from bed the first night after the wedding and what did you do on that next day?

The couple: Bertrand got up first. The party continued the next day with a cookout at the house.

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Miss Ndemazia Nora 44

Miss Cameroon USA 2014 MABAG: Who was Miss Ndemazia Nora before becoming Miss Cameroon U.S.A 2014?

Miss Ndemazia Nora: I was born 25 years ago in Bamenda, North West Region of Cameroon, where I lived until the age of ten. (In fact I celebrated my 25th birthday 2 days ago on the 4th of April). It was a very interesting time. I grew up loving and taking part in activities that were considered exclusively for boys, such as playing soccer, climbing trees etc.

That earned me the name tomboy. I then moved to Buea with my parents where I attended Seat of Wisdom College Fontem, graduated and passed the General Certificate of Education (G.C.E) examination at the Ordinary and Advanced levels. I then obtained admission at the University of Buea where I spent a semester before migrating to the United States of America. In 2010, while I was in Cameroon, I competed for and won the title of Miss South West. However, my attempt at winning the Miss Cameroon crown was unsuccessful that year.

MABAG: Having been involved in the pageant in Cameroon, one must assume that it was just natural for you to complete for Miss Cameroon U.S.A. How did your experience in Cameroon help you?

Miss Ndemazia Nora: You may be surprised to hear that it had little or no impact in my success in the Miss Cameroon U.S.A contest. Here is the reason: In Cameroon, the selection of the pageant winner is largely based on a single factor: beauty. In contrast,

Pageantry in the U.S.A, while beauty and looks are important factors in the judge’s decision, other factors such as intelligence and the ability to articulate a plan on how to positively effect your generation and community all play major parts in the candidate’s success. If successful you would use this platform to affect society in positive ways. When I understood these demands, I set to work, talking to people, seeking advice, conducting research and going through daily rehearsals. It was a daunting task. At some point, I considered dropping out, but I picked up courage after getting inspiration from friends who aided me through social media. My guiding principle going in was that, I do not have to win, but the experience was worth the world to me, as it would certainly impact certain aspects of my life.

MABAG: At what stage during the competition did it occur to you that you may win?

Miss Ndemazia Nora: Oh, this was after I did my monologue. I acted the part of an orphan desperate for help to get by and survive in the world. The emotion that I generated during the monologue was so profound and believable that I received condolences from the audience after my performance. I felt like it was palpable and I could tell that I actually connected with the judges and even the audience. This was because the topic was so dear to my heart and I felt so passionate about it.

MABAG: How have you used your tittle over the last year?

Miss Ndemazia Nora: In the aftermath of winning the title, I received several invitations to attend special occasions with important dignitaries. But I soon realized that that was not the purpose for which the crown was won. So I sought an organization in Cameroon, the Redemption Education Initiative, with which I partnered to provide quality education to poor children and orphans. I recently returned from Cameroon where we awarded several scholarships and text books to most of these students. I also appeared on Canal D’or, a TV channel on Cameroon TV to discuss my work.

MABAG: What would be your advice to young women?

Miss Cameroon continued on page 46…

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‌Miss Cameroon continued from page 45

Miss Ndemazia Nora: My message is that they must have a purpose in life. Once that has been identified, it should be pursued with passion and determination. They should never feel like the dream is beyond reach and never settle for second best; always walk tall but at the same time, show some humility.

MABAG: Looking forward, what do you intend to do at the end of your tenure as Miss Cameroon U.S.A? Miss Ndemazia Nora: Presently, I am a student at the City College New York. I am currently studying law and I’m hoping to become a distinguished cooperate lawyer one day. I also plan to create an organization to continue my work with the children while giving back to society.

MABAG: Getting to where you are, you must have benefited from the assistance of some people. Who would you want to acknowledge in this respect?

Miss Ndemazia Nora: Yes, everyone including myself all have someone who has helped and continuously supported them. As for me, I will like to thank my parents for the examples they set while raising me to be the woman that I am today. Their love for me as well as their kindness, selflessness and even largess towards complete strangers were enormous and all worth mentioning. I will also like to thank Lady Kate for her inspiration and support of not just me but to all young women as well. Lastly, I would like to thank my friends and my community for their continuous support of me through my journey as Ms. Cameroon U.S.A 2014.

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…Act of God continued from page 34

The couple: To be honest we had a few challenges but right now I don’t even remember them, we had some disappointments, false promises but again I don’t want to think of them because the wedding was a huge success. God blessed us to have a beautiful and memorable day with our special friends and family.

has made us to be so comfortable with each other that we talk openly about any and everything.

MABAG: We will like to sincerely thank you for your time and the opportunity to interview you for the MABAG Magazine.

We wish you the best in your marriage.

MABAG: Tell us about your wedding reception. Was your reception open or close to only invited guests? If the latter, why did you decide on that?

The couple: Although our wedding reception was invitation only more than 300 of those that were invited came. Fortunately, this was anticipated leading us to look for a bigger hall. It was very difficult to limit invitations because our friends came from Europe, Africa, across the United States and Canada. It was one of the most difficult part of planning the wedding; who to invite and who not to invite. We ended up giving that task to our planning team to do what they could. We still have people who are not happy that they did not get an invitation. To them, we simply apologize from our hearts.

MABAG: What was the best part of the wedding for each of you?

The couple: For both of us, the best part was sharing our special day with our very close friends and family. Having people who mean so much to you share in your joy and blessings, is something money can’t buy.

MABAG: Did you go for a honeymoon after your wedding and if so where? If not are you still planning and where would you like to go?

The couple: We have been in Honeymoon since we tied the knot, not sure when we will come back to the real world. Marriage is blissful. We will do it ten times over again!

MABAG: How can you be honest about a situation without hurting your partners feeling?

The couple: We have a very honest relationship, God

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