BREAKING OUT OF THE PRISON OF LONELINESS

Discover Ways to Help Yourself and Others to Win

BY DR. DELBERT W. BAKER

Loneliness has been identified as a high-risk condition. Dr. Vivek Murthy, U.S. Surgeon General, recently warned that loneliness and “being socially disconnected” has a similar effect on mortality, as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. It exceeds other risk factors, such as physical inactivity and obesity.

The above statistics are highlighted because one in four people in the U.S. experience loneliness on a regular basis. Loneliness. That emotional wave that comes over you when you feel all alone, long to be with and feel connected to others. Other words for loneliness include feeling isolated, excluded, or left out. Loosely speaking, loneliness reflects whether or not you feel connected to others. You can feel lonely when you are physically alone, and you can also feel lonely in the presence of others. Further, loneliness can be related to FOMO or the Fear Of Missing Out; that is, the apprehension that one is either not in the know, or missing out on information, events, and life experiences. 2

Loneliness, a Public Health Priority

Dr. Murthy declared to the nation (May 2, 2023) that loneliness is a public health problem that affects everyone, either directly or indirectly. In the 82-page report, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation, The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community 3 he urges public officials, community, and faith leaders, etc. to treat loneliness and isolation with the same urgency as substance abuse or tobacco.3

THE COMPREHENSIVE REPORT WARNS THAT LONELINESS AND ISOLATION HAVE BEEN LINKED WITH HEART ATTACK, DEPRESSION, DIABETES, CRIME, AND PREMATURE DEATH IN THE U.S. LONELINESS IS AFFECTING PEOPLE, NO MATTER WHERE THEY LIVE OR WHO THEY ARE.

The comprehensive Report warns that loneliness and isolation have been linked with heart attack, depression, diabetes, crime, and premature death in the U.S. Loneliness is affecting people, no matter where they live or who they are. “Right now, millions of people are telling us through their stories and statistics that their tank is running on empty when it comes to social connection.”4

Reviewing the scientific literature on the growing intrusion of loneliness and isolation, Dr. Murthy commenced a cross-country listening tour, where he encountered person after person who told him “They felt isolated, invisible, and insignificant. People of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds, from every corner of the country, would tell me, ‘I have to shoulder all of life’s burdens by myself,’ or ‘If I disappear tomorrow, no one will even notice.’” Calling it a “lightbulb moment” he noted “that social disconnection was more common than he had ever realized”.5

Loneliness and isolation are problematic across the broad age spectrum; however, the prospect becomes riskier as one grows older. More than 25% of adults over 65 are socially isolated. Among the most alarming health risks that older isolated adults face are heart disease, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, hypertension, depression and anxiety, and dementia. “Chronic loneliness and social isolation can increase the risk of developing dementia by approximately 50%.”6 In short, all the health risks that seniors naturally face are exacerbated by loneliness and isolation.6

Reversing Loneliness

Fortunately, there is good news with the sobering news. We can do something about loneliness. We can act to resist and lessen the impact of unaddressed, unchecked loneliness and isolation. The Report highlights that “evidence consistently shows that wider social networks and more frequent social engagements with friends and family are associated with better cognitive function and may protect against the risk of dementia.”

As individuals and in our church communities, we can help to successfully counter the loneliness curve by building deliberate, intentional bonds in our

2. Food, water, and nourishment (verses 6-7),

3. Activity and exercise (verse 8),

4. Reflection and assessment (verses 9-14),

5 . Spiritual disciplines (verses 9b, 13),

6. Service and purpose (verses 15-18), and communities and in society.

7. Partnership to labor and serve (verses 19-21).

Here are three positive approaches we can take to address and reverse loneliness.

First, Face Loneliness with Understanding

A simple recognition that loneliness is a challenge in our communities, churches, and homes is progress. This recognition is a good starting point for developing strategies and plans to effectively deal with it.

The classic narrative of Elijah’s experience on Mt. Carmel, and its aftermath, highlights how loneliness, isolation and depression can affect anyone, anywhere, anytime. Gifted people, all people, may accomplish significant tasks. Then, suddenly, they may have to contend with the fluctuating emotions of loneliness, anxiety, and solitude that seek to dominate and overwhelm. In Elijah’s case, 1 Kings 19 outlines some phases and keys that can help to shield and protect from these worrisome emotions.

The dramatic account illustrates the impact of the powerful partnership of loneliness and isolation (verses 3-4) and how it can be counteracted. Equally, we see the importance and values of the antidotes of loneliness and isolation:

1. Rest (verse 5),

Interestingly, these elements, seen in Elijah’s experience, are substantiated in research literature and best practices to help us cope with loneliness and isolation. Again, while quick fixes and pat formulas won’t suffice, determination and diligence will make a difference. Elijah worked through his issues, then resumed normalcy and service. Ellen White shares insight that sheds light on the antidote for working through loneliness and isolation from a spiritual perspective: “Hope and courage are essential to perfect service for God. These are the fruit of faith… For the disheartened there is a sure remedy—faith, prayer, work. Faith and activity will impart assurance and satisfaction that will increase day by day. Are you tempted to give way to feelings of anxious foreboding or utter despondency? In the darkest days, when appearances seem most forbidding, fear not. Have faith in God. He knows your need. He has all power. His infinite love and compassion never weary. Fear not that He will fail of fulfilling His promise” (Prophets and Kings, Page 164).

Second, Manage Loneliness to Reach Success

While loneliness is a normal part of the human experience, it must be recognized, identified, and managed. Why? Because loneliness indicates a need; it should be taken seriously. It highlights that we feel something is lacking, that we believe what we lack is important for surviving or thriving. We recognize loneliness and/or that we feel isolated. We identify why we feel that way. Is this legitimate, a real-life situation? Or is this an emotion or attitude that needs to be adjusted? In either case, we have work to do. Loneliness can be an invitation to either make changes in our lives, correct our expectations, or adjust our attitudes.

There are numerous societal practices that encourage tendencies toward loneliness and isolation. For example, social media brings many advantages, but it also allows people to spend inordinate amounts of time isolated. We see people but not personally. We don’t physically interact with them. Lack of physical contact can increase anxiety, worry and depression.

Then there was the COVID-19 pandemic with its complicating consequences. While families spent more time together, wider social isolation was intensified in society with the closure of schools, churches, and workplaces.

Bear in mind, this remains a tough period with many confounding and confusing factors. They must be faced and dealt with. If you need help, don’t be afraid to admit it. Maybe you will find some help in a trusted friend, counselor or health professional.

The believer knows that while this earth has its share of pain, loneliness and dissonance, the ultimate confidence is in God. It is through faith and belief in Him that all believers will realize heaven, final peace, security, and community. In the meantime, we can utilize the counsel from the Bible to cope with loneliness. There are more than 100 references in the Bible dealing with loneliness and how God promises to aid and support us whenever we turn to Him. The Apostle Paul experienced feelings of loneliness and abandonment. At the crucial time when he was imprisoned and on trial, his friends deserted him. He remained strong because of the Lord: “No one stood by me the first time I defended myself; all deserted me. … But

6. Cultivate a Culture of Connection. See the full report on details about the Six Pillars, the entire advisory report, and resources on community building.6

Loneliness is a Cheat that Can Be Beat Loneliness is a shadow that follows you everywhere, It whispers in your ear that no one really cares.

Loneliness is a liar that tries to make you weak, It wants you to give up, and never dare to speak.

But… the Lord stayed with me and gave me strength” (2 Timothy 4:16).

Third, Lessen Loneliness with Resources

The Report makes the case that unattended loneliness and social isolation may cause people to be less civil and to be disengaged from society. The path to better handling loneliness, according to Dr. Murthy, is to help people find their way through it by building community, creating systems with people helping people, and people helping themselves. This is done by strengthening and undergirding social connections, by creating new ways for people to show up, get involved and be in positive connections in communities and with each other.

Dr. Murthy outlines Six Pillars for the American public to build community and advance social interaction. These are suggested ways that individuals, churches, organizations, pastors, and public officials can start to bring people together to address the issue of loneliness and isolation.

Those solutions include developing social information, communication, and dissemination on building community. This can be created through research, writing-speaking and making social connection a priority at home, work, church, and community.

The Six Pillars are:

1. Strengthen Social Infrastructure in Local Communities.

2. Enact Pro-Connection Public Policies.

3. Mobilize the Health Sector

4. Reform Digital Environments.

5. Deepen our Knowledge.

You can join a class or club and meet people who share your passion, You can volunteer for a cause and make goodness your fashion. You can call a friend or a family and have a heartfelt talk, You can go outside and enjoy nature and have a refreshing walk. You can turn to animals for comfort and feel their unconditional love, You can meditate, play music that uplifts and feel connected from above. You can fight loneliness with courage, the Word and prayer, You can reach out to God and others, to avoid its awful snare. t

Delbert W. Baker, PhD, is an author, educator, administrator and pastor. He is Director of Research and Development at the Regional Conference Retirement Plan Office in the Charles Dudley, Sr. Regional Conference Ministries Center in Huntsville, Alabama.

Notes

1. https://theconversation.com/is-loneliness-really-as-damaging-to-your-health-assmoking-15-cigarettes-a-day-204959

2. https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5b7c56e255b02c683659fe43/t/6021776bdd04957c4557c212/1612805995893/Loneliness+in+America+2021_02_08_FINAL.pdf

2, 3, 4. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

5. https://www.cdc.gov/aging/publications/features/lonely-older-adults.html

6. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/ files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf (pages 45-53)