Navigating Private Challenges as a Public Musician

An interview with Ian Cares and Emma Topolski about navigating personal challenges as musicians in the public eye.

Just a few months ago, I was fortunate enough to attend Latitude Festival in England and see two of my closest friends perform. Whilst there, I caught half of Bombay Bicycle Club’s show - a band that I’ve listened to a handful of times but whose music I don’t know particularly well. Regardless, I was blown away. The band as a whole were amazing, but their female vocalist really caught my attention. Not only was she an incredible singer, but her stage presence, energy and style really stood out to me.

Fast forward a couple of months and Joe and I were preparing for our next photoshoot with a band called Childcare. I hadn’t heard of them before, but our friend at All Stripes PR, Alice French, had sent them our away. I had no idea what to expect. Least of all, however, was I anticipating that Bombay’s female vocalist, Emma Topolski - the very one that blew us away at Latitude Festival - would walk into the room to greet us alongside her band member, Ian Cares.

Life has a strange manner of unfolding. I guess that’s all part of the journey, to cheesily reference this edition’s title. Sometimes things happen in mysterious ways that we can’t really explain. And, in many ways, that’s how London’s alternative slink rock band, Childcare, came about - but more on that in a second.. Sitting down in Embankment’s Victoria Gardens, sun piercing through the clouds and the sound of dog walkers strolling through, Emma and Ian gave me the pleasure of hearing everything about their music, life stories, and how they got to where they are today.

So what actually is Childcare, and how did it come about?

Ian: Well, I was in another band before and I felt like it was time for a change. I left that group and started writing songs whilst nannying for various children, and the kids kept saying I should start another band. I met Emma at a party and we decided to form a band and start gigging. Emma: Yeah I just met this guy, Ian, at a party who needed a bass player and asked me, and I was like ‘But I don’t play the bass’. Ian said I should learn, but I just thought he was pretty drunk and didn’t really mean it. Alas, he did, and so I started learning bass pretty much the next day on this £70 Argos guitar we found. In 2018, the band was fully formed.

And is there a particular message that you aim to share through your music?

Ian: Often in music, all you’re really trying to do is pleasure yourselves - to enjoy your own songs and hope other people will, too. I think what comes across from us, though, is a sense of fun alongside the slinkiness and sexiness, but that’s not necessarily a conscious process. Emma: I agree. I think, as a lyricist, you [Ian] are very observational. You’ll take the mundane and make it surreal and interesting for its anecdotal merit. Whether it’s an awkward hug or kiss in a playground or something else, it could be such a fleeting moment but Ian will write a whole song about it. There’s a song off our latest album, Busy Busy People, which is literally just about having lunch - but it’s also about love and pausing in the afternoon to break bread with somebody you really care for. Ian does a really good job of that.

That’s really cool - and I agree, those fleeting moments really are something to be cherished. Busy Busy People, then. Your latest album. What inspired that?

Emma: For the first time ever, we had the luxury of making a record from top to bottom in a studio with our producer - Dom Monks. He likes to capture songs as they are, in their raw, live form rather than layering things up and overdubbing. We’ve never had that privilege before - of being in a room for four weeks in Somerset and focusing solely on making an album with zero outside distractions. You [Ian] were very good at killing your babies and being quite brutal. Adrian: Sorry, killing your babies? Emma: Haha, not actual babies. ‘Childcare kills babies’ - that can be your headline. Ian: Doesn’t quite fit with the Mind Cafe theme, does it? Emma: What I mean is Ian’s pretty cutthroat when it comes to chopping out ideas that I’m fond of but don’t have a place in a particular song or album. Rich, our guitarist, has this children’s book called Busy Busy People. It’s a really old 70s book with 2D drawings of people doing things, and we realised that our album has a common thread of people doing their jobs and going about their everyday lives. Busy Busy People seemed like an appropriate name.

That’s really cool. And have you faced any key obstacles as a band or individuals in the last few years?

Ian: For sure. I mean, as any artist knows, the music industry presents one obstacle after another. The key obstacles, though? I mean, certainly finding a group of people that work well together and want to stay together has been a challenge. Emma: Definitely. For me, finding the time when four busy, ambitious people can actually be together in a way when they’re not preoccupied with other responsibilities is difficult. Even trying to get a Zoom call together to talk is a nightmare. It would be amazing to have the headspace and time to meet every week and focus solely on the music.

And in terms of mental health, anything there?

Emma: Definitely. One issue for me is that perpetual feedback loop of self-critique and self-doubt and that whole chasing-without-arriving paradox. It’s really important to be mindful and present in what you’re doing in each particular moment rather than waiting for validation or certain targets to be met before you feel content. Constantly chasing an arrival point is something I’m trying to do less. That, and not letting the feedback of others affect how proud I am of the things I create. Sometimes the after-effect can really taint what you previously loved, but it’s key to retain the fact that, at that moment, you created what felt right.

For my solo project, I created a whole short film about grief - a very personal thing to me. It was really tricky to be vulnerable and put myself out there, but it was very cathartic. Again, though, I was plagued with thoughts of doubt and worrying that it might not resonate with others, but I had to remind myself yet again that whatever I created was right at the time, and that’s good enough.

And how have you been able to cope with those obstacles?

Emma: Being really open with people and letting others in is vital in enabling them to fully understand where you’re at. Checking in with people regularly so that things don’t become insurmountable can really help me avoid burnout and overwhelm. Ian: For sure. Having those hard conversations that you have to have, too - I’ve really learned the value of that. It’s not always easy, but it’s absolutely necessary. Emma: Oh, and meditation, too. Mindfulness in general can really help. We both use Sam Harris’s Waking Up app to help guide us through the process. Meditating just provides this moment of pause and reflection. When I first started meditating, I thought I could cure my anxieties - but it’s not really about that. Mindfulness is more like a long-term journey towards becoming more present. You can only enjoy and control each moment, and being as present as possible has definitely helped me to notice bad habits. Ian: I agree. It’s also been really useful for me in terms of generally understanding my mind and therefore what the world means to me, since that’s the only way we can experience it. I’ve had issues with anxiety, too, and meditating has enabled me to create distance between me and my thoughts. It’s definitely hard to do, but super helpful in the long-run. Emma: It’s really just about awareness. It’s as simple as that.

I agree. As for music, do you feel that it can be a tool to help people struggling?

Ian: Definitely. People always talk about music being therapy, and I never really got that. What I have felt, though, is that if you’re unhappy for whatever reason but you’re drawn to making music, it’s probably because it brings something joyful in an unhappy life - at a very simple level. Lately, though, I’ve even found that I’m working through personal issues when making music. It’s enabling me to work stuff out and becomes quite cathartic. You’re sort of organising your thoughts as you write which is really helpful.

Emma: For me, it’s less about the creation of music being therapy but more about the interaction. Having been robbed of live music and touring for so long during the pandemic, I don’t think I realised how moving having that interpersonal dialogue can really be. The first gig I did after the pandemic wasn’t remarkable in the sense of the venue or anything else, but the sheer power and passion of having so many people enjoying themselves in one room was incredible. Within thirty seconds I completely welled up. It sounds really cheesy, but I forgot how amazing that experience can really be - human connection really is a powerful thing.

That’s amazing, and I know exactly what you mean. To round off, then, what’s next for the band?

Ian: Well, in the short term, we’ll be reentering the gigging space. It’s been over two years since our last show and we have a tour in January. Longer-term, though, we’re just working it out, really - making it up as we go along and having fun doing so.

I guess we all are, aren’t we?