Edition 5: Journey

MIND CAFE R E L A X E D , I N S P I R I N G E S S AY S A B O U T H A P P I N E S S

N AV I G AT I N G T H E J O U R N E Y O F L O S S | U S I N G M I N D F U L N E S S T O L I G H T T H E WAY F O RWA R D F I N D I N G S E R E N I T Y I N A T E C H - D O M I N AT D E D WO R L D | L E A R N I N G T O S E E A D VO EN R SBI E TY I NA G SP A R ETSEEA NCT H E R

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MAGAZINE DIRECTOR: EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: DESIGN: PHOTOGRAPHY:

FOUNDER:

CONTRIBUTORS

Adrian Drew Adrian Drew Lee Caple Joseph Marchant, Sean Newton, Mathilde Langevin Adrian Drew

Nathalie Ballout, George Moir, Khariis Ubiaro, Childcare, Xanthe Gladstone, Adrian Drew, Elliott Crawford, Emily Salamon Andrew

Welcome

PHOTOGRAPHY COVER: MAGAZINE

Sean Newton Joseph Marchant Sean Newton, Mathilde Langevin

Journey. We’re all on a journey of sorts, whether in our personal lives, career, or navigating the long, arduous journey of adversity. Life is, in itself, a journey. And that’s what makes it so beautiful. While many of us seek contentment and fulfilment at some distant point in the future, really, it is in the mundane, day-to-day steps that we take to get to that island on the horizon that should be cherished the most. It is not in the end, but in the journey of life that makes it so beautiful. To quote Norton Juster, author of The Phantom Tollbooth, “The most important reason for going from one place to another is to see what’s in between, and they took great pleasure in doing just that.”

Issue 05 of Mind Cafe magazine marks a significant point in our own journey, too. Establishing a publication at all is no easy feat, but this perfect-bound book of insights you have here in your hands signifies a year of us publishing our tomes of relaxed, inspiring essays about happiness. This one contains stories depicting journeys of all different kinds, whether that be through loss, as Khariis Ubiaro shares, business, in Nathalie Ballout’s experiences, or dealing with broken friendships and their backlash, as Elliott Crawford outlines.

Mind Cafe has and always will seek to highlight the stories of others, shedding light on their successes, failures, and the lessons learned along the way. Never will we tell you that you should or shouldn’t do something. Rather, we provide a platform for others to share accounts of their own lives, and invite you to derive from those anecdotes whatever kernels of wisdom you wish. After all, self-improvement is only an amalgamation of the stories we collectively share. And we plan to share them with you, every single quarter.

C OV E R M O D E L

I hope you enjoy this issue as much as we enjoyed producing it.

Khariis Ubiaro, also known as 'Atlas Azure', is an actor, poet and musician from the UK. You can find him on Instagram @atlasazure

Adrian Drew Editor-in-Chief Welcome

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In This Edition B U S I N E S S , FA S H I O N , A N D F I G U R I N G I T A L L O U T A L O N G T H E WAY - P 6

Swedish-Lebanese fashion designer, Nathalie Ballout, took a big leap to pursue her career in business. Learn how she was able to overcome self-doubt and trust her gut.

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Few up-and-coming musicians also find themselves stepping into the shoes of fatherhood. But for George Moir, becoming a parent at an early age has been nothing short of a blessing.

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Losing a parent at any age is a devastating experience to endure. Khariis Ubiaro sadly lost both his mother, father, and later his cousin in unfortunate circumstances. He opens up with us to discuss how he was able to push through his adversities and become stronger as a result.

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While wonderful and exciting in many ways, the music industry is notorious for being a cutthroat, relentless and demanding space to navigate. Ian Cares and Emma Topolski, from the band 'Childcare', explain how they've been able to stay mentally healthy using mindfulness.

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We're all aware of the perennial threat that climate change poses to human existence. Walesbased chef and director, Xanthe Gladstone, is exploring more sustainable alternatives in the culinary sector whilst using food and lifestyle to strengthen her meantal health.

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Losing his fiance at the young age of nineteen, Mind Cafe's founder, Adrian Drew, opens up about his experiences and guides us through his journey - from crushing adversity to establishing a globally-distributed mental health magazine.

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We all have to deal with criticism from time to time. Celebrities and influencers, on the other hand, are forced to confront hate online on a daily basis. YouTuber Elliot Crawford is no stranger to the impacts that the hyper-judgemental nature of social media can have on our mental health. He explains how he's been able to rise above it and move on in our interview.

Find us online Website: mindcafe.co Instagram: @mindcafemedia Facebook: @mindcafemedia Twitter: @mindcafemedia LinkedIn: @mindcafemedia

Mind Cafe Media Ltd. 2021 (ISSN 2635-0793)

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IN THIS EDITION

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PHOTOGRAPHY

Joseph Marchant

L O C AT I O N

London

MODELS

Nathalie Ballout

Business, Fashion, and Figuring it All Out Along the Way INTERVIEWER: ADRIAN DREW I N T E R V I E W E E : N AT H A L I E B A L L O U T

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resence. We meet some people in life that just have it - this certain energy, a way of speaking and carrying themselves. It’s a rare quality, but it’s inspiring to be around. From the moment the team and I met fashion designer and fitness instructor Nathalie Ballout, I knew she had it - and it was infectious. Growing up in Dubai, Nathalie now lives in London, where we met in October to talk about her journey towards where she is today.

Give me the lowdown, Nathalie. Who are you, what do you do, and how did you get there? “I’m a Swedish-Lebanese designer that grew up in Dubai and moved over to London ten years ago, where I started my journey. I went to the London College of Fashion and studied textiles there. As soon as I graduated, I took a couple of months off in the summer before deciding to start my own sustainable

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fashion company - a big risk that turned out quite well. I worked within that brand for about five years up until the whole pandemic broke out, at which point I decided I wanted to reinvent the business and what I was doing.

I’m a sustainable designer by trade, but I’m also an advocate for ethical fashion. I learned along the way that the fashion industry didn’t really align with my morals, and it was hard to carry on designing after uncovering the unethical realities of fashion production. So I started a new brand and called it EMPWRMNT - a platform that gave artisans from disadvantaged backgrounds a voice. We wanted to become a force that educated the next generation because we found that the ways other organisations were informing people about the industry were a little outdated. We sought to reach younger people in ways that they’d find more relatable, and so we set up a page on Instagram as a means of doing so.”

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“We quite literally bear the stories of the people that make our clothes, and the reality behind most of the things we wear is actually quite dark and unethical.ˮ A Q U O T E B Y N AT H A L I E B A L L O U T

And what steps did you take from that point on? “My first idea was to make one handbag that was produced by different craft communities from around the world, since different communities tend to specialise in different manufacturing techniques and styles.

I wanted to design a single bag that we’d have produced by each individual craft community whilst paying the artisans a fair wage. We also wanted to record the whole process from start to finish so that customers could see every step of the manufacturing process. We quite literally bear the stories of the people that make our clothes, and the reality behind most of the things we wear is actually quite dark and unethical. That’s why we wanted to make sure those stories were positive and fair.

We started our first project in Lebanon with a group of women working in a refugee camp.

A Syrian lady there runs a whole artisanal studio, now comprised of about thirty women all looking after their families by working for the studio. We decided to do a fundraiser in order to be able to fly over and film our first documentary. The situation in Lebanon is terrible at the moment, deep in the throes of a debilitating financial crisis. We had some difficulties being able to go over and actually film, which sucks, but while working on that we started thinking of other ways to help and empower women worldwide. Now we’re moving into an NGO with a great new idea

that I’m not going to talk about now since we haven’t yet finalised it, but it’s super exciting.”

I noticed on your Instagram that you also do some fitness coaching. “Oh yes, Body by Bunny (Bunny is my nickname). I used to have a studio in Soho that I had to close during lockdown - around the same time that I decided to move into the ethical fashion space. My boyfriend and I have been frequent attendants at workout classes for a long time.

When everybody was forced to stay inside and couldn’t go to the classes they loved, we decided to create something to help those people. In one week, we filmed a month’s worth of workouts and created a recipe book. We called it the Home Fitness Plan, and it turned out to be so successful that we released four more months’ worth of content. After that, we decided it was sensible for us both to get qualified and sign up for a PT course which we completed in the evenings after work. Once the lockdown lifted, however, I didn’t feel that motivated to go back to my old classes. I also felt there were some things missing in the market - particularly the type of exercise I wanted to be doing every day. So I created my own method - Body by Bunny - which is a mixture of pilates, HIIT, and other styles of working out. It’s a fun and non-intimidating routine that aims to empower the mind, body and soul. Now I’m running that alongside my EMPWRMNT project.”

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Wow, there’s a lot there. It all sounds great. I read on your website that you feel many of us are forced to wear uniforms in life, and creative expression feeling somewhat like a sin. What did you mean by that? “That’s actually a dated piece of content that I wrote when I was studying at the London College of Fashion, but I still believe in it. In my studies, I often tried to think of things differently. If you look at my graduate collection, it’s pretty quirky - I was always trying to make installation pieces out of wires, weaving them together with rope and yarns. It was quite abstract, not necessarily clothing but more like wearable pieces of art. I was noticing wires literally everywhere and it became a sort of obsession, but I had some feedback saying that my creations weren’t necessarily appropriate or couldn’t be considered ‘fashion’.

The quote you mentioned references that, I guess - me attempting to step outside of the box. There are a lot of expectations placed on people, particularly in creative industries.

Whilst everybody else was following typical methods of fashion production, I was tying wires together and experimenting with new styles. After starting my brand a little while later, I realised that, to an extent, you do have to fit a box to move forward - or at least in that particular industry. I became a little more commercial in order to meet the requirements of buyers, but still maintained my own creative style.”

For sure. I do feel that it’s about balance in a sense - celebrating creative expression and uniqueness but not straying too far outside of the norm.

It sounds like quite a challenge, but I wonder, are there any other key obstacles you’ve had to face along your journey? “Oh gosh yes. Loads. Being twenty-

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one and starting my own brand right after graduating, I was so naive. I just thought it would be so easy and so much fun, and it’s certainly fun, but it’s been a struggle. I now know how important it is to have a solid business plan, but at the start, I thought that was a waste of time. My dad kept telling me to create one and all I said was ‘Nah, people don’t do business plans anymore’. That was a learning curve, for sure. Career success isn’t just about how creative you are or what you can do, it’s also about having a solid plan.

I’ve also tried and ‘failed’ with so many ideas, but I now recognise that as such an essential part of any creative process. I don’t see it as a failure anymore. You have to make mistakes to learn. Nobody goes in and does something perfectly the first time, and besides, that would be boring. It’s about enjoying the journey, through the good and bad.”

How have you been able to overcome those challenges along the way? “One of the things I’ve learned is that, sometimes, you can just have a bad day - one of those days where you’re mentally just not in the right place, even if you don’t necessarily know why. It’s okay to take time off when you’re not feeling a hundred percent. Even if all you can do is sit in front of the TV in your pyjamas, sometimes, doing so is exactly what you need in order to be more productive in the long run. When you’re an ambitious person, too, it’s so much easier to beat yourself up for taking time off, but it’s necessary. It’s also harder when you work for yourself since nobody is there to tell you what’s best. But often, we know what we need to do, and that something might just be to call it a day and rest up. Recognising when to do so has really helped me to sustain myself throughout my journey.”

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You have to make mistakes to learn.

Nobody goes in and does something perfectly the first time, and besides, that would be boring. Itʼs about enjoying the journey, through the good and bad.ˮ A Q U O T E B Y N AT H A L I E B A L L O U T

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Speaking about ambition and the pursuit of dreams, is there any advice you’d give to somebody that’s just starting out in life - be it fashion, business, or anything else? “It’s great having big lofty ideas, but a degree of realism and practicality is always essential. It’s important to think logically about the financials, business plan, and to bring yourself back down to earth in order to figure out how to actually make your dreams possible.

It’s not something I particularly enjoy. I just want to be drawing constantly and conjuring up new projects, but that’s not how business works. Sure, enjoy the creative side of it, but don’t forget to build a strong foundation, too. As for following your dreams, if you’re passionate about something and you’ve done your research, go for it. I’ve always encouraged that. It’s just not worth living a life in a job you hate, and the alternative to jumping in and pursuing your passions is far worse. I do think it takes a certain type of person to have ideas and actually follow through with them, but that person will usually make it. You’ll fail a zillion

times, sure, but that’s all part of the process.”

Absolutely. I fully agree. But why do you think some people succeed and others don’t? What’s the defining factor, in your opinion? “With brands in particular, so many new ones fail. It’s the same in business as a whole. But you have to ask yourself why. A lot of people just stop at the first hurdle and don’t like feeling like they’ve failed. Also, most ambitious careers are pretty unstable and uncertain. It’s an uncomfortable path to take, and a successful person in that sort of field needs to be okay with the reality of it. I think people succeed because they have the drive to keep going even when things become difficult, simply because they believe unwaveringly in what they do. I don’t necessarily know where that quality comes from, either. Of course, privilege also comes into it.

Not everybody has the luxury of being able to explore careers that don’t provide an immediate return, but for those that do, they have to be prepared to face failure. And, when staring adversity in the face, be able to move past it.”

“I think people succeed because they have the drive to keep going even when things become difficult.ˮ A Q U O T E B Y N AT H A L I E B A L L O U T

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PHOTOGRAPHY

Joseph Marchant

L O C AT I O N

Weymouth

MODELS

George Moir

The Complexities of Becoming a Father and a Musician at the Same Time INTERVIEWER: ADRIAN DREW INTERVIEWEE: GEORGE MOIR

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itting down to chat over a cup of coffee, I feel immediately at ease as Jeremy recalls the events of his journey towards becoming a prolific singer/songwriter in his relaxed, easy-going and humble tone of speech. See, ego is something that can grip all of us as we make strides towards success in both our working and personal lives. It’s easy to take absolute credit for everything we achieve, forgetting that the hands of chance and opportunity are perennially pulling their strings in the background. And yet, as Jeremy begins to pour hot water over the freshly ground beans sitting contently at the bottom of his chrome cafetière, his ego is

well and truly nowhere to be seen. Though proud of his work, Jeremy’s modesty shines through the panes of his success, revealing a genuinely kind yet ambitious individual who is, in his words, ‘just having fun making music.’

I say Jeremy, not George Moir. George Moir is Jeremy Broad’s artist name - the name boasting hundreds of thousands of listeners of the jovial and upbeat songs currently taking England’s indie scene by storm. Although I’ve known Jeremy for several years, I wanted to hear about his journey from his words - the highs, lows, and everything in between. And so, as we began sipping our coffees, his honest, unabridged story started to unfold.

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You’ve always had your fingers in a lot of pies for as long as I’ve known you, but what do you actually do, Jeremy? And who is George Moir? “I’m a full-time musician trying to make it in the indie-pop world. I grew up on a farm, pretty isolated from society and home-schooled until I reached high school. To tell a long story short, I was a mega nerd at school that left, got married and moved down to Dorset to live by the sea. Who is George Moir?

It’s just me, really. But it’s kind of like a character I created, the initial reason being to ensure a separation between my animation business and music videos. It’s my great grandfather’s name, and I named the project after him since a large part of my music is about exploring my roots.

The artistic brand, if you’d call it that, is all about nostalgia. I wanted to use his name almost as a hint at that, I suppose.”

You’ve done a lot for someone so young, but where did it all begin, and how did you get to where you are today? “I’ve been playing the piano and writing songs since I was literally like two years old. I was having piano lessons before I even really knew the alphabet, which is probably too early, but I just loved it. From there, I began trying to sing and produce at around thirteen - shortly after moving from being home-school to a public high school.

James Blake was always a massive inspiration early on. He made the piano seem a bit cooler to me. Alas, I started by producing some horrendous dubstep tracks since that was a big thing back then. Although my style is vastly different now, music has always just enabled me to better understand myself and what I’m feeling.

Fast-forward a few years and I found myself working a full-time job that, frankly, I hated. In my downtime, I decided to make my own music video to accompany a track I’d produced in my bedroom. To my surprise, it got radio play and was featured on a blog placement. The song was called ‘Blame’, released in 2018 alongside a video of an animated fish with me lip-syncing the words over the top. I didn’t have any professional equipment - just a keyboard gifted by a friend and an old bass I had lying around. It was all independent and I didn’t really expect anything to come of it. But in January, I got an email from a label claiming they could assist me in getting millions of streams, help me grow to a whole new level, and all this stuff which, at the time, just seemed a bit fishy to me. But within two weeks, it seemed like every management company I knew of was trying to sign me up - even George Ezra and Adele’s representatives came down to Plymouth to see me. I signed an album deal shortly after. And now I’m here.”

It’s refreshing to speak with somebody that’s achieved so much yet speaks so humbly. Jeremy seems almost more surprised than anybody else about his successes, never taking full credit for his accomplishments. Asking if he ever faced any doubt along his journey towards becoming a professional musician, he speaks for some time on his faith in God. A Christian since a young age, Jeremy explains how one day he simply asked God for help and guidance whilst trying to find a way out of his old job. And, be it God, spirituality, or sheer good luck, that guidance certainly came - in the form of the aforementioned record deal. Discussing these things with Jeremy, it’s clear to me that there’s far more to this man than just his music. And so, I felt it necessary to peel back the layers a little more.

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What have you learned along your journey to becoming a full-time musician?

“When working at my old job, towards the end, I started to discover that perhaps I wasn’t just a shy, quiet person, but that I’d actually been struggling with some degree of anxiety for most of my life. I was having full-on stress-induced migraines, panic attacks, and it felt like everything was coming to a bit of a head. I’m a Christian and have what I feel is a strong relationship with God. So I asked for a clear way out - something that combined my love for creativity and music.

What followed was my music video for Blame, which forced me to realise that, actually, this little musical hobby of mine might just have some potential. Music became a cathartic way to reprocess the anxiety I was feeling, enabling me to swallow those feelings and bring them back out as something new and exciting. It was a massive turning point for me which, in turn, led to the opportunities that I was later presented with. I guess in a way, those negative feelings were necessary in order to push me towards the thing that I was really meant to pursue. Sometimes pain can be a sort of signpost, and for me, it certainly illuminated the way forward. Dipping a bit lower also enabled me to appreciate how good it feels to be on the up. It’s a weird thing to say when discussing adversity, but I’m grateful for it. It led me to feel more comfortable in who I am, what I want, and just how far I can push myself.

Have you faced any significant challenges through your experiences? “I’ve always been that ‘behind the scenes’ kind of guy. In the jobs I’ve worked before, I was never the face of anything - just the guy behind the computer. Even at school, I was on the tech team, involved in the sound, lights and production - but never centre stage. And I really liked that. Naturally, it was a huge challenge to suddenly become the face of this brand new music project, stepping into the shoes of George Moir and standing on stage to sing in front of tonnes of people. I’m still doing everything on my own. My life hasn’t changed at all in a practical sense, and I still do my own video production and songwriting, but it has this new degree of showmanship to it now.

Becoming a performer was challenging at first, and still sometimes is. I also haven’t really done all that much in terms of live performances, considering that the whole industry had been on pause until recently due to the pandemic.”

“I guess, in a way, those negative feelings were necessary in order to push me towards the thing that I was actually meant to pursue.ˮ A Q U OT E BY G E O RG E M O I R

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ON BEING PRESENT

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And how do you get over that nervousness? “Really, you just have to face it. The nerves soon turn to fun, but the hardest part is to just take that first step. Also, many of us tend to underestimate ourselves. We overthink when approaching a big performance, be it in music, business, or even more trivial things like making phone calls. Despite the fact that we’re probably well-equipped to carry out the task effectively, we catastrophize about what could go wrong, about potential embarrassment or failure. For me, a lot of those anxieties revolve around confrontation, wondering if what I say might make people think negatively of me. But really, the key is to just remind yourself that you often think you’re way worse at things than you actually are. Your worrying won’t affect the outcome, it’s just wasted energy. If you’ve prepared well enough for whatever it is, you can’t do more than that. What will be will be. Whatever happens, you’ll figure it out. For months and months before a recent show, I was so worried about potential embarrassment. But it was amazing. I had so much fun and people loved it. Sure, some things didn’t go perfectly, but it was a great experience and was totally dissimilar to the nightmare I had in my head.”

At the young age of 23, Jeremy became a father to baby George, now one year old. In such a demanding industry, though, I was curious to learn how Jeremy has been able to manage the ever-present responsibilities that come with fatherhood whilst working his way up in the music world.

Is it difficult to balance the two - being a dad and an up-and-coming musician? “It can be, but I still feel really blessed with the family that I’ve got. It’s just so lovely to have a home life that’s comfortable and full of love and support. My wife is incredible and has supported me in pursuing my career as a musician in an industry so uncertain and divorced from the rest of reality. My job is usually either crazy intense with bonkers working hours, or it’s just me playing and mucking around with music. It’s so different to a 9-5 office job or a career in construction, marketing, or anything else. It’s not normal life at all. Also, few musicians are raising their children whilst on their journey to stardom. I’m starting it way earlier than most of the people I know are, so there’s really no roadmap in terms of how to balance family and a career in music. Nobody knows how to do the whole music thing anyway, since it’s always changing and everything is so different now to how it was even ten years ago. But having a family and little George is a really nice accompaniment to everything else. It’s a challenge, sure. But it’s a real pleasure. He’s an absolute joy to be around.”

I’ve always thought that we can learn a lot from children as adults. Whether from their playful demeanour, carefree attitude or the way they exude curiosity in all facets of their lives, it seems we lose a lot of what makes childhood so special as we take our first steps into adult lives.

Have you learned anything from George as an adult? “Definitely. I think it takes most of us a while to recover from a bad mood. If something gets us down, it’s hard to dust ourselves off and crack on as if nothing happened. But for George, he cheers himself up almost instantly.

If something makes him sad or he falls and hurts himself, he’ll just go and do something that he enjoys, whether that be playing with a new toy or going for a cuddle with mum. I’d love to be better at that - being able to shift gears and not be dictated by my own feelings or the atmosphere in a room. It’s like his superpower, but I’ve also learned that it is certainly possible. I just haven’t quite figured out how.”

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But really, the key is to just remind yourself that you often think youʼre way worse at things than you actually are.

Your worrying wonʼt affect the outcome, itʼs just wasted energy.ˮ A Q U OT E BY G E O RG E M O I R

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As wonderful as both being a father and a musician sound, it must be incredibly tough to do both. Do you have to make a conscious effort to avoid being overwhelmed? “I mean, there are still some challenges that come with being a father and a musician at the same time. There are a lot of demands and expectations, and my inbox is pretty much always full. In order for me to have a nice environment to work in, I have to be more assertive when it comes to managing my time. It requires confrontation, which isn’t something I particularly enjoy, but setting boundaries is crucial. I think the same is true for everyone, though.

It’s important that we’re firm with people if they’re asking too much of us, and boundaries can really help there. I do also try to stick to a 9-5 schedule where possible, mainly just to ensure my working day has a definitive end. I’ll leave my computer in the office and head downstairs, and that separation between work and downtime really helps in resisting the temptation to do a little bit more when I should really be relaxing.”

Pursuing any career that doesn’t follow a typical trajectory, whether music, business, or anything else, can be challenging. Not only are we forced to face the sheer uncertainty of it all, but often we must do so alone. For Jeremy, his faith in God provided a lot of comfort when it came to the decisions he was forced to make.

Taking a leap into the unknown requires a great degree of faith - be it religious faith or sheer self-belief. We must trust in something, and that something might mean different things for everyone. It could simply be a trust in our own abilities, in our efforts, or, as it was for Jeremy, in our religion.

How do you feel your faith in God has influenced your journey as a musician? “Towards the beginning of the journey, I visited my father-in-law - a pastor. We sat in his front room and ran through this religious DVD course, the purpose of which was to enable viewers to receive guidance in taking their next big career step. We prayed together as a family. Soon after, I started having calls with label representatives and music managers. My trust in God gave me the faith I needed to take a leap and ultimately quit my job to pursue the offers I had on the table. Of course, not everybody is religious, and few will attribute my opportunities to the hand of God. Regardless, though, that faith can be found in different places for different people. It’s about developing an unwavering degree of self-belief and moving forward, even if the path ahead is pitch black and laden with fog. We might not be able to see clearly what’s ahead of us, but taking steps is all we can really do.”

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“Donʼt let other people drown out your own voice. Know what you want, make a plan, and go after it.

Thatʼs what I did.ˮ A Q U OT E BY G E O RG E M O I R

And how do you suggest people pluck up the courage to take that first step? “You just have to remind yourself that, if you truly feel that you’re meant to do something, you have to do it - no matter how weird or uncomfortable it might feel. The alternative is to spend your life wondering what if, and that’s really no way to live. Just try it, and start pushing on doors. Some of them will eventually open. People might tell you it’s a bad idea or that it won’t work out, but at least give it a go. Sure, listen to sound advice. If you’re genuinely awful at something and have no career prospects in your chosen vocation, it would be unwise to quit your job tomorrow and expect to make a good go of your new venture right off the bat. So listen to others, yes - but don’t let their words drown out your own inner voice. Know what you want, make a plan, and go after it. That’s what I did.”

Sipping the dregs of our coffee as we round off our conversation, I’m left feeling both inspired and humbled in the presence of Jeremy. His story can serve as a reminder to us all that, no matter how successful we may indeed become, we don’t have to lose our sense of self along the journey. There will be countless challenges, some of them seemingly insurmountable, but authenticity, humility and perseverance are crucial when it comes to progression. Ego, conceit and complacency, however, are often better left at the door.

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PHOTOGRAPHY

Sean Newton

L O C AT I O N

Brighton, England

MODELS

Khariis Ubiaro

Navigating the Journey of Loss I N T E R V I E W E R : E M I LY S A L A M O N A N D R E W INTERVIEWEE: KHARIIS UBIARO

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hariis Ubiaro’s journey is phoenix-like.

At just 18 he suffered the loss of both his parents and cousin shortly after. Instead of being swallowed by it, in his grief, he was born again. Poetry, music and acting have merged to form his mother tongue through which he processes the world.

His music artist name, Atlas Azure, is derived from the figure ‘Atlas the Titan’ who bore the weight of the world on his shoulders. This perfectly encapsulates Khariis’s search for balance whilst juggling the responsibility of being the oldest of five brothers. Although death is a prominent theme in his music, he refuses to let it define him. Instead, he seeks to change our perception of death itself. In his work, he creates a space of emotional reckoning, so unique and visceral you utterly lose yourself.

During our interview, Khariis opened up fully, reflecting on his journey through loss and the lessons learned along the way.

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Grief often provokes a somewhat apathetic response, forcing us into a slump. How have you navigated this in conjunction with achieving so much so quickly in your career? “I understand that grief can elicit that response in many, but when you’re so hell-bent on avoiding that grief as I was initially in my career, working became my escape, which was definitely a healthier choice compared to other coping mechanisms. My achievements and work kept me sane. I had to occupy my mind and act like it was okay to lose people. I’d tell myself that death was normal and that people have it worse in attempts to pull myself together.

Those were my thoughts back then.”

In our society, grief and death are often presented and talked about in a two dimensional way. Which facets do you think require more open discussion and exploration? “I think in the western world there should be more discussion about how other cultures perceive death. Within British culture, the word death feels negative and mostly about loss, whereas death can also be

perceived as returning to the body. Death can be a change in states, a transformation of character, a shedding of the ego and bad habits. I don’t think you should ignore the emotions that arise surrounding death, but death isn’t necessarily a clear-cut end. It’s not as simple as loss. There is potential for gain, too. Coming back to your question, though, I feel that people who haven’t experienced the death of someone close to them should be a bit more sensitive when giving advice or help to someone who has. I’m not going to ask a builder to tell me how to bake bread, am I? When I lost my parents and cousin, a lot of people seemed to assume they knew what I needed, but how could they know when I didn’t even know myself ? There was a lot of ‘Oh I’m here for you, blah blah blah,’ and although people have good intentions, I feel a lot of those throwaway comments were almost manifestations of other peoples’ guilt.

That made me feel lonelier than ever, since more often, those people were only there for me in death - when they felt like it was the right thing to do. It’s important to be there for others at all times, not just the hard times.”

“Death isnʼt necessarily a clearcut end. Itʼs not as simple as loss.

There is potential for gain, too.ˮ A Q U OT E BY K H A R I I S U B I A RO

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I understand that grief can elicit that response in many, but when youʼre so hell-bent on avoiding that grief as I was initially, working became my escape - a healthier coping mechanism than my other choices.ˮ A Q U OT E BY K H A R I I S U B I A RO

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Your cousin, Harry Uzoka, was often in the public eye. How did you deal with your own grief being caught up in the media’s portrayal of events after he was murdered? Did you feel like his identity was being taken away from you? “When the public had been informed of Harry’s death, I saw a myriad of posts on social media and articles in the press. I was actually abroad at the time and went to a party to distract myself a day before my flight back to London. The people at the party were aware of his death and were speaking about it, and it all just felt quite surreal. I wanted to scream “You don’t know anything about him,” or tell them the

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media was talking nonsense, but I said nothing.

I didn’t speak about it on my own social media platform for a while because I was confused, hurt and in denial. I’d seen people who I thought were my friends posting about him even though they hadn’t had the decency to ask me how I was feeling. I fell out with people and my hate for the media grew. I wanted to burn the world. My parents were also plastered all over the media and my brothers and I weren’t informed. The papers didn’t reach out to us, they didn’t think about us in the slightest, it was just another story to them. With my cousin too, they also lied about what had actually happened. Most of these people are puppets

for money. After all, these are human beings real people with families and friends that will be traumatised and massively affected. Sometimes the press fails to consider that. Like I said, to them, it was just another story with characters entirely disconnected from their authors. They didn’t care, really.”

How did and do you continue to balance your own grief with that of your younger brothers? “If I’m being completely honest I wasn’t there for my younger brothers as much as I wanted to be, or should have been. I was a complete mess and in denial of it. I was insecure about everything, in fear of losing

everything. I really felt like it was me against the world, so I ignored all responsibilities alcohol, drugs and sex became my allies. I was constantly trying to fill the void by avoiding reality. Even the word, ‘a-void’, symbolises my approach at the time. These days, my relationship with my brothers is much better, but I still at times feel guilty for running away from them because I couldn’t accept my own grief. It’s a journey that’s still ongoing, but I’m committed to it. Our loss has been exponential, so our gain has no choice but to follow suit. That’s what I live by. I really do believe that, together, we’ll turn our losses into something wonderful.”

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“Even an exchange with a shopkeeper or anyone who provides a service can be spiritual in a way.”

A Q U OT E BY K H A R I I S U B I A RO

How has death affected your relationship with love? “At first I felt that people were drawn to me out of pity and felt like they had to play the role of the hero/ mother in my life. I was feeling vulnerable and alone and went along with it often. I’d end up being really emotionally connected to people even though I had no intentions of building a committed relationship with them. People also used my grief as an excuse to get close to me and I let it happen. I was physically, emotionally and mentally drained.

I was too broken to set my boundaries and be honest with myself and others. I was hurting, so I hurt others too. I don’t say this in a way to excuse myself of responsibility, but it is what it is. I would often reject love for fear of losing it. I didn’t trust a soul. In a way I felt that everybody would eventually die on me, in various ways. I could not commit because that was the scariest thing of all, but I have learnt

to love myself more, open my heart and be more accepting of love.”

Your music has lots of spiritual undertones, what role has spirituality played in your life? “The word spiritual annoys me to be honest, I feel like it has connotations that suggest things of a far fetched or abnormal nature, when for me, what is often deemed “spiritual” feels more real than what most proclaim as real.

Spiritually is life, it’s being present, connecting to what I call your ‘ummmm’ - that feeling in the pit of your stomach. Spirituality has always been there in my life because it is life.

I draw inspiration from my dreams as they help me navigate myself and this world. Even an exchange with a shopkeeper or anyone who provides a service is spiritual, a smile is spiritual, going to school - making friends, being taught, it’s all spiritual to me.”

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Describe your lowest moment and how you navigated it. “My lowest moment was losing my auntie after my parents, cousin, and uncle. Just as I believed I was maturing in grief I was hit with another death, it was like lemon and salt in open wounds. I don’t speak about the death of my uncle much because I tried to ignore it and spent my life ignoring him because he was an alcoholic and I didn’t really like him - but he was a gentle soul and held love in his heart. After my auntie died in 2021, I began to see things that aren’t bound to our “reality”. I was passing out during the day at random and would have vivid dream experiences. I don’t expect this to be fully understood, but those experiences projected me into a reality that, I believe, is constantly denied - but in my belief it is more real than anything else. I would see and hear things and sometimes, which was incredibly overwhelming. I slept with the light on for two weeks and would often find myself outside of my body in a space of nothingness that was synonymous to death. I thought I was dying. I was scared, confused and couldn’t find anyone to relate to. I got through it by acknowledging what I was experiencing and changing my perspective. The world is a mirror that shows us how we feel, and what we think can often manifest in reality. So with this in mind, I chose not to sink under the experiences I was having but learn from and listen to them, truly believing that they were there to serve me.”

Was there a particular event or moment in your life that encouraged hope to resurface? “Knowing that life is a gift, a blessing and a wonderful journey. Although there is darkness, which I’d like to add is

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necessary, boy there is so much joy to be had, shared, and explored. Life is beautiful, even in struggle. Knowing this brings me hope.

I am involved with so much greatness, the opportunities around me, the people, my love, my passion, my desire. All the evil may remain in the world - but there is always hope.”

What advice would you give to someone coping with loss? “Grieve, feel it, sit with it, let it engulf you. Send compassion to the parts of yourself that you hate the most, do not run from your suffering - suffer and overcome.

I promise you it’s possible. Be honest with yourself. Some days you will go off rails, you will be volatile, you will hurt people, you will fill the void - whether it’s through sex, social media, drugs, alcohol and work, sometimes it’s necessary. I started smoking a lot of weed and, though it helped keep me relaxed, at times it became a part of my lifestyle, and that’s where it began to become unhealthy. I was complacent and lazy - so I had to cut it out. Sex left me feeling emptier than ever, it was a vicious cycle, like taking drugs. I’d get my initial hit, feel good for the moment then need it again. My intentions were wrong and I ruined relationships and didn’t really consider the emotions of others as much as I should have. It’s important to take time for yourself and those who are good for you, refrain from pushing them away if you can. But again I’d like to emphasise how important it is to sit with yourself and talk to yourself - if you have a creative endeavour, explore your grief through that. Acting, writing and poetry have helped me so much with my grief as did books on “spirituality” and growth. Death is not the end.

For many of us, it can be a new beginning.

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Joseph Marchant

L O C AT I O N

Watch House Cafe, London

MODELS

Emma Topolski, Ian Cares

Using Mindfulness to Light the Way Forward INTERVIEWER: ADRIAN DREW INTERVIEWEE: CHILDCARE

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ust a few months ago, I was fortunate enough to attend Latitude Festival in England and see two of my closest friends perform. Whilst there, I caught half of Bombay Bicycle Club’s show - a band that I’ve listened to a handful of times but whose music I don’t know particularly well.

Regardless, I was blown away. The band as a whole were amazing, but their female vocalist really caught my attention. Not only was she an incredible singer, but her stage presence, energy and style really stood out to me.

Fast forward a couple of months and Joe and I were preparing for our next photoshoot with a band called Childcare. I hadn’t heard of them before, but our friend at All Stripes PR, Alice French, had sent them our away.

I had no idea what to expect. Least of all,

however, was I anticipating that Bombay’s female vocalist, Emma Topolski - the very one that blew us away at Latitude Festival - would walk into the room to greet us alongside her band member, Ian Cares.

Life has a strange manner of unfolding. I guess that’s all part of the journey, to cheesily reference this edition’s title. Sometimes things happen in mysterious ways that we can’t really explain. And, in many ways, that’s how London’s alternative slink rock band, Childcare, came about - but more on that in a second.. Sitting down in Embankment’s Victoria Gardens, sun piercing through the clouds and the sound of dog walkers strolling through, Emma and Ian gave me the pleasure of hearing everything about their music, life stories, and how they got to where they are today.

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“For the first time ever, we had the luxury of making a record from top to bottom in a studio.”

A Q U OT E BY E M M A TO P O L S K I

Adrian: So what actually is Childcare, and how did it come about? Ian: Well, I was in another band before and I felt like it was time for a change. I left that group and started writing songs whilst nannying for various children, and the kids kept saying I should start another band. I met Emma at a party and we decided to form a band and start gigging. Emma: Yeah I just met this guy, Ian, at a party who needed a bass player and asked me, and I was like ‘But I don’t play the bass’.

Ian said I should learn, but I just thought he was pretty drunk and didn’t really mean it.

Alas, he did, and so I started learning bass pretty much the next day on this £70 Argos guitar we found. In 2018, the band was fully formed.

Adrian: And is there a particular message that you aim to share through your music? Ian: Often in music, all you’re really trying to do is pleasure yourselves to enjoy your own songs and hope other people will, too. I think what comes across from us, though, is a sense of fun alongside the slinkiness and sexiness, but that’s not necessarily a conscious process. Emma: I agree. I think, as a lyricist, you [Ian] are very observational. You’ll take the mundane and make it surreal and interesting for its anecdotal merit. Whether it’s an awkward hug or kiss in a playground or something else, it could be such a fleeting moment but Ian will write a whole song about it. There’s a song off our latest album, Busy Busy People, which is

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literally just about having lunch - but it’s also about love and pausing in the afternoon to break bread with somebody you really care for. Ian does a really good job of that.

Adrian: That’s really cool - and I agree, those fleeting moments really are something to be cherished. Busy Busy People, then. Your latest album. What inspired that? Emma: For the first time ever, we had the luxury of making a record from top to bottom in a studio with our producer - Dom Monks. He likes to capture songs as they are, in their raw, live form rather than layering things up and overdubbing.

We’ve never had that privilege before - of being in a room for four weeks in Somerset and focusing solely on making an album with zero outside distractions. You [Ian] were very good at killing your babies and being quite brutal. Adrian: Sorry, killing your babies?

Emma: Haha, not actual babies. ‘Childcare kills babies’ - that can be your headline. Ian: Doesn’t quite fit with the Mind Cafe theme, does it? Emma: What I mean is Ian’s pretty cutthroat when it comes to chopping out ideas that I’m fond of but don’t have a place in a particular song or album. Rich, our guitarist, has this children’s book called Busy Busy People. It’s a really old 70s book with 2D drawings of people doing things, and we realised that our album has a common thread of people doing their jobs and going about their everyday lives. Busy Busy People seemed like an appropriate name.

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Adrian: That’s really cool. And have you faced any key obstacles as a band or individuals in the last few years? Ian: For sure. I mean, as any artist knows, the music industry presents one obstacle after another. The key obstacles, though? I mean, certainly finding a group of people that work well together and want to stay together has been a challenge. Emma: Definitely. For me, finding the time when four busy, ambitious people can actually be together in a way when they’re not preoccupied with other responsibilities is difficult. Even trying to get a Zoom call together to talk is a nightmare.

It would be amazing to have the headspace and time to meet every week and focus solely on the music.

Adrian: And in terms of mental health, anything there? Emma: Definitely. One issue for me is that perpetual feedback loop of self-critique and self-doubt and that whole

chasing-without-arriving paradox. It’s really important to be mindful and present in what you’re doing in each particular moment rather than waiting for validation or certain targets to be met before you feel content. Constantly chasing an arrival point is something I’m trying to do less. That, and not letting the feedback of others affect how proud I am of the things I create. Sometimes the after-effect can really taint what you previously loved, but it’s key to retain the fact that, at that moment, you created what felt right. For my solo project, I created a whole short film about grief - a very personal thing to me. It was really tricky to be vulnerable and put myself out there, but it was very cathartic. Again, though, I was plagued with thoughts of doubt and worrying that it might not resonate with others, but I had to remind myself yet again that whatever I created was right at the time, and that’s good enough.

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Adrian: And how have you been able to cope with those obstacles? Emma: Being really open with people and letting others in is vital in enabling them to fully understand where you’re at. Checking in with people regularly so that things don’t become insurmountable can really help me avoid burnout and overwhelm. Ian: For sure. Having those hard conversations that you have to have, too - I’ve really learned the value of that. It’s not always easy, but it’s absolutely necessary.

Emma: Oh, and meditation, too. Mindfulness in general can really help. We both use Sam Harris’s Waking Up app to help guide us through the process. Meditating just provides this moment of pause and reflection. When I first started meditating, I thought I could cure my anxieties - but it’s not really about that.

Mindfulness is more like a long-term journey towards becoming more present. You can only enjoy and control each moment, and being as present as possible has definitely helped me to notice bad habits. Ian: I agree. It’s also been really useful for me in terms of generally understanding my mind and therefore what the world means to me, since that’s the only way we can experience it. I’ve had issues with anxiety, too, and meditating has enabled me to create distance between me and my thoughts.

It’s definitely hard to do, but super helpful in the long-run. Emma: It’s really just about awareness. It’s as simple as that.

Adrian: I agree. As for music, do you feel that it can be a tool to help people struggling?

Ian: Definitely. People always talk about

music being therapy, and I never really got that. What I have felt, though, is that if you’re unhappy for whatever reason but you’re drawn to making music, it’s probably because it brings something joyful in an unhappy life - at a very simple level. Lately, though, I’ve even found that I’m working through personal issues when making music. It’s enabling me to work stuff out and becomes quite cathartic. You’re sort of organising your thoughts as you write which is really helpful.

Emma: For me, it’s less about the creation of music being therapy but more about the interaction. Having been robbed of live music and touring for so long during the pandemic, I don’t think I realised how moving having that interpersonal dialogue can really be. The first gig I did after the pandemic wasn’t remarkable in the sense of the venue or anything else, but the sheer power and passion of having so many people enjoying themselves in one room was incredible. Within thirty seconds I completely welled up. It sounds really cheesy, but I forgot how amazing that experience can really be - human connection really is a powerful thing.

Adrian: That’s amazing, and I know exactly what you mean. To round off, then, what’s next for the band? Ian: Well, in the short term, we’ll be reentering the gigging space.

It’s been over two years since our last show and we have a tour in January. Longer-term, though, we’re just working it out, really making it up as we go along and having fun doing so. I guess we all are, aren’t we?

“Meditating has enabled me to create distance between me and my thoughts. Itʼs hard to do, but helpful.”

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Joseph Marchant

L O C AT I O N

Camden, London

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Xanthe Gladstone

Food, Sustainability, and Their Impacts on How We Feel INTERVIEWER: ADRIAN DREW INTERVIEWEE: XANTHE GLADSTONE

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n today’s world, sustainable living has never been more important. Endlessly battling against the ever-present threat of climate change has left many of us feeling deflated and hopeless, but Xanthe Gladstone, trained chef, self-taught vegetable grower and advocate of sustainable living, is doing her bit to change things. Food lies at the centre of everything Xanthe does over in Wales, where she spends her days both running her business as a chef and directing initiatives geared towards improving food sustainability.

More, though, Xanthe has become increasingly aware of the impact of what we eat and how we live can affect the ways in which we feel. A long-time sufferer of anxiety, her efforts at creating a more rounded, simplistic and natural lifestyle are helping not just the planet as a whole, but helping Xanthe to find more happiness and peace in her dayto-day life.

Joe and I had the pleasure of sitting down with Xanthe over at Camden Locks in October, where she talked us through everything she’s experienced from start to finish.

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Adrian: It seems like you have your fingers in a lot of pies, Xanthe - an appropriate reference given your line of work. In your words, though, what do you actually do?

Xanthe: I’m a chef, grower, and sustainability advocate. Currently, I’m working with my families businesses over in Wales, where I focus my attention on helping them find more sustainable suppliers. That can entail a lot of different tasks, such as designing menus in order to make use of seasonal ingredients and locating new, more eco-friendly food suppliers.

We have twenty acres on which we grow our produce, including a fruit orchard, and I’m working to extend that growth in order to better supply our two restaurants with foods that benefit our environment.

Adrian: That’s amazing, and quite an unusual line of work. Where did it all start, then? How did you get to where you are now?

Xanthe: Food and sustainability have been growing interests of mine ever since my teenage years. After leaving university, I moved to London to work in food marketing since I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to be a chef necessarily, but I knew I wanted to go into food - so it seemed like a sensible choice.

Alongside that, I was researching a lot in food sustainability and getting to grips with that whole movement. I started reading books and watching documentaries to gain a better understanding of growing as a sustainable food system. That passion began to develop, and I spent some time on a few farms in Cornwall and Wales, where I realised that London wasn’t quite right for me and my mental health. I couldn’t get to grips with the whole 9-5, commuting every day and kind of lifestyle in general. It just wasn’t working for me. Spending time on farms opened my eyes to what I really wanted. One thing led to another and I decided to move back over to Wales and pursue my career in food.

Adrian: Love that. I feel like life in Wales must be a little simpler than here in London, right?

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“People have this really picturesque and idyllic view of the countryside, but in reality, Iʼm still very busy.”

A Q U OT E BY X A N T H E G L A D STO N E

Xanthe: Hmm, yes and no, really. I still work hard - harder than I ever have. I care very deeply about what I do, so in those ways, life is much more complex. The only difference is that I don’t spend as long travelling as I did in London. My commute was over an hour every day, and it felt like life never really stopped back then. People have this really picturesque and idyllic view of life in the countryside, but in reality, I’m still very busy - living in Wales just aligns more with what I want.

Adrian: That makes a lot of sense. I read on your website that you believe our food choices can have a significant impact on how we feel about ourselves and our environment, and I was wondering if you could elaborate on that.

Xanthe: I mean, the food system is so complex, so it’s hard to simplify it in one sentence - but that was my best attempt.

Essentially, though, I think it’s really important to try to be as positive about the climate as possible. It can be really scary and overwhelming, but through the lens of food and sustainability, we can make that issue quite exciting and hopeful. Also, it’s easier to win people over if your sustainable food

choices look and taste great. In terms of whether or not there’s a correct food system, my understanding is that hyper-local, seasonal and organically-grown food is always best.

I’m not saying I always eat this way. Nobody does. But in an ideal world, we would be revisiting farmer’s markets and buying organic food regularly like we did before it became such a privilege to eat that way. Not so long ago, that was just the way of the world.

Now, it’s less accessible and more expensive, so I understand that not everybody can eat organically all of the time.

In terms of how healthier food affects us, on the other hand, organic produce is obviously free from pesticides and chemical input, so consuming it is much healthier for our minds and bodies. Local food also has the advantage of retaining its nutrients, since it’s often harvested much more recently. If we can put a positive spin on things by enjoying highquality, natural food and getting inspired by it, eating well and sustainably becomes a lot more fun. That’s the biggest message I want to share. I could go on, but that’s the general gist of why I’m so passionate about making better food choices.

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Adrian: And do you feel that a healthy diet and lifestyle are key components of a happy life?

mind. Physically, it just also just lets me alleviate a lot of stiffness in my body. Once it becomes a habit, you realise how much you need it.

Xanthe: 100%. My mum has always been very healthy, so I’ve grown up on nutritious, home-cooked food. I’ve really seen the effects that that has had on my mental health over the years. I’m not a crazy exerciser, either, but walking a lot and getting outside massively helps me cope with my anxiety. I try to put daily practices in place that keep negative emotions at bay, and I can really feel when I haven’t been prioritising those. Drinking water, too, as simple as it sounds, helps me to control my anxiety. There are so many things you can do to improve your mental health through food and lifestyle. Even if you have had a really good day, it’s still important to maintain the habits that help you to feel good.

Finally, food-wise, as I said, drinking enough water is important. But also, ensure to eat a varied, nutrient-dense diet using different fruits and vegetables. Cooking can be a really mindful activity, too. Making something new in the kitchen helps me focus on the activity rather than getting lost in thought. Often, I’ll be doing three things at once, but cooking and focusing solely on that activity enables me to become more focused and in the moment even if it’s a really simple recipe. My brain just feels way less scattered and confused when I’m engaged in one thing rather than several.

Adrian: If you can summarise it, how would you suggest somebody struggling with their mental health can use diet and lifestyle to boost their happiness?

Xanthe: Firstly, though it’s hard, speaking to somebody about how you feel is so helpful. I recently had a pretty bad mental health patch, ending in me having a panic attack. After that, I spoke to my sister and my boyfriend about it, and I just noticed how beneficial it is to speak these feelings out loud. When you’re in your own head, your thoughts can really start to fester. Talking can help to release those feelings. If you can’t speak to somebody, even just writing down how you feel can be beneficial. Writing down your thoughts at night can enable you to offload everything.

Another key thing for me and my mental health is stretching. I used to be a big runner but stopped, and since then I’ve been doing yoga for ten minutes every morning. It helps me relieve my anxiety and makes me feel calmer, enabling me to connect to my body and

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Adrian: That makes a lot of sense. Along your journey, then, have there been any hurdles you’ve been forced to climb?

Xanthe: In terms of obstacles, I feel a lot of mine are self-constructed. The way I talk to myself, for instance, can sometimes get in the way of my progress. Social media fuels that process, too, forcing me to compare myself with others. When I had a period of really bad anxiety in London, I also had severe acne, which was a massive eye-opener for me. It was crazy how much the condition affected my mental health. I just didn’t want to leave my house for a year or so. It felt vain, in a sense being so bothered by something physical like acne - but I’ve since spoken to others who have also suffered from it they felt the same things as me. Either way, though, it taught me a lot about what I valued and forced me to realise that people could still like me even if I did have spots. It’s not about how people see you, but how you make them feel. Being nice and making people smile matters more than being spot-free. And, though that was a really difficult period in my life, I’m kind of grateful for it since it pushed me forward and enabled me to get to where I am today.

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When youʼre in your own head, your thoughts can really start to fester. Talking to others can help to release those feelings.”

A Q U OT E BY X A N T H E G L A D STO N E

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Adrian: That sounds really difficult. How did you overcome that challenge?

Xanthe: I mean, when my skin started clearing up, naturally, that helped. But also, feeling empowered to make a rash decision like moving to Wales and growing my own food was really helpful. I’ve always been an ambitious person, and I really wanted to love my work. In London, though, I just didn’t.

The moment I made the choice to change my lifestyle and pursue what I loved, I learned to value myself much more - it brought me a lot of confidence. But there are always obstacles. I still had anxieties when moving to Wales - particularly socially. Missing out on small things like going to the pub or for dinner with friends played into that. As an overthinker, though, many of the challenges I’ve faced are often in my own head - but I’m so much happier now. That happiness kind of outweighs the anxiety and stress that come with my new line of work.

Adrian: If you could give a piece of advice now to yourself at that time in London, deep in the throes of stress and anxiety, what would that be?

Xanthe: To be honest, I wouldn’t do anything differently. Everyone says this and it’s so hard to listen to when you’re going through it, but it will get better. This isn’t you forever, and you’re going to be a different person in a good way as the years pass. You’re going to keep learning more about yourself and growing, even through the hardship. So keep going. Also, trusting your gut is vital. You

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have to trust yourself more than anyone else, and if you have a feeling about something, you have to follow it. Of course, there will be downsides, but going with what feels right is always crucial. Looking back at the past five years, I’d tell myself to keep having faith in what I was doing. That’s the only way to become truly happy and avoid regret.

Adrian: Definitely. I agree - hardship has its purpose in life. Though challenging, we grow through adversity, and that’s an essential process. To round off, then, what’s next for you?

Xanthe: That’s a good question. This year has been really good in terms of growth and understanding what I want. Since we spent last year almost entirely in lockdown, I didn’t get the chance to do all of the things that I wanted. So, number one, I’ll be doing an extended growing project here in Wales over the winter. We’re also getting organically certified which is a huge step for us, so I’m looking forward to that. Moreover, focusing on growing our food community and bringing people together is something I want to do more of. I like being a spokesperson for the sustainable food movement, so trying to engage with others is something I want to do more of. I have lots of plans for more events and supper clubs, so that’ll be a huge shift this year compared to last - collaborating with new, interesting people in real life.

I’m really excited, actually. It’s all quite surreal. After years of feeling a little lost and dissatisfied, I feel like I’m finally in the right place.

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PHOTOGRAPHY

Mathilde Langevin

L O C AT I O N

Montreal, Canada

MODELS

Justine St-John

Learning to See Adversity as a Teacher AUTHOR: ADRIAN DREW

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eath is a peculiar phenomenon. Many of us accept it as a fact of life, but we never really expect it. We see it happen in movies and hear of it in the news, always occurring in other peoples’ universes, naively assuming that it’ll never happen to us or those we love. Or at least, not anytime soon.

That’s how I used to think a couple of years ago, anyway.

Charlotte and I had been together for six and a half years at the time. She became my girlfriend when I was just thirteen, back before I was far too young to understand lofty concepts like love and loss. People have little faith in those childhood relationships, and rightly so. Most end quickly — short-lived romances that burn brightly but fleetingly, like a light switch flickering on and then off again.

Often, thirteen-year-olds are too immature to withstand the pressures of a serious relationship. I’m sure we weren’t any different, but somehow, it worked. And it didn’t just work, it blossomed. No relationship is perfect, granted. But ours was close. Those six-and-ahalf years were magical — filled with laughter, passion and memories I’ll hold close to my heart for as long as I live.

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One of these memories still sticks with me today. Charlotte and I were watching Me Before You, a beautifully heartbreaking story that follows the lives of two unlikely lovers until one of them eventually decides to take his own life. It hit us hard, forcing us to contemplate how it would feel to lose one another. After the film, I remember turning to Charlotte, tears in my eyes, and saying to her: “Please don’t ever die.”

It was a silly thing to say, really. But I couldn’t comprehend ever losing her. And yet, within two years of uttering those words, there I was, carrying her coffin into the crematorium.

Glioblastoma

I’d never even heard of it before. Glioblastoma. It sounded bad. In reality, it was as awful as it could get. We’d been together for around five years at this point, and Charlotte hadn’t seemed herself for a while. Going to bed at 10 pm on her nineteenth birthday with a raging headache wasn’t normal for the fun-loving party girl we all knew and loved. Within weeks of that, she quickly lost her ability to read, write and understand basic sentences.

It was all so bizarre. None of us had a clue what was happening or why. Despite our deepest fears, we were riding on the false idea that it was just a minor and temporary abnormality. Training to become a nurse at university, her stress levels were through the roof. We all leant on the hope her symptoms were a product of the enormous pressure thrust upon her. And in some ways, they were. But the pressure wasn’t coming from her university lecturers. It was coming from behind

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When someone you love dies, and youʼre not expecting it, you donʼt lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time.”

A Q U OT E BY J O H N I RV I N G

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her eyes. After an optician discovered an inflamed optic nerve due to swelling in Charlotte’s brain, she was taken to hospital. Hours were spent waiting. Hoping. I’ve never felt anxiety like it — sweaty palms, incessant shaking, and this overwhelming sense of dread. After an agonising evening of endless scans, tests and procedures, our worst fears were confirmed.

It was brain cancer. Terminal. She had eighteen months to live.

False Hope

Not one of Charlotte’s friends, her family or I ever expected such a diagnosis to befall someone as young and healthy as she. But, as I said in the beginning, you never really expect these things, do you?

Despite her grim prognosis, we clung to so many different false hopes throughout those eighteen months. At first, in a state of utter denial, I convinced myself that I, a nineteen-year-old boy with no medical experience, could fix it. That is, cure a cancer that all of the world’s doctors and oncologists united haven’t been able to cure in millennia.

And I really believed I could do it. I spent countless nights in my office at home, sipping coffees and red wine whilst digesting the molecular chemistry of brain tumours in the £70 university book I’d purchased — Robert Weinberg’s The Biology of Cancer. I remember the shoulder sores I had for months from carrying an enormous black holdall bag into the hospital every single day, filled with smoothies I’d concocted for Charlotte, healthy snacks for her to eat and no less than six different biology books for my own personal research. The ‘cures’, as I saw them. It’s like I’d gone crazy. And I guess I had. Of course, my whacky methods didn’t do anything to shrink the sprawling mass of cancerous cells in Charlotte’s head. But through my efforts, I believe I at least inspired some hope in her loved ones. They, too, began to trust that we could do something to save her life.

“Through my efforts, I believe I at least inspired some hope in her loved ones. They, too, began to trust that we could do something to save her.”

A Q U OT E BY A D R I A N D R E W

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Whilst I continued with my mad scientist regime, our entire town rallied together to help raise money in an effort to provide Charlotte with alternative treatments. Over £100,000 was collected in total — a figure that we couldn’t even begin to fathom. From black-tie balls to nationwide bucket collections and tons of independent fundraisers, everyone that knew and loved Charlotte joined forces to save her life. It was truly astounding.

I did my bit, too. I promised Charlotte that I’d shave my head as soon as she started to lose her hair during chemotherapy. And so I did. It wasn’t a great look, but I didn’t really care at the time. I went bald right at the start of her treatment in order to help the fundraising.

Ironically, by the time her hair actually started falling out, mine had grown back. But everyone loves a trier, right?

The day I shaved my head, I went out with two of my best friends, Callum and Jodie, to find an engagement ring for Charlotte. Proposing at nineteen felt crazy, but I’d always wanted to do it. Although Charlotte was optimistic about her future, I knew we’d never be able to truly get married. But the engagement wasn’t only for me. I wanted to give Charlotte the hope that she needed to push forward. That was a truly bittersweet experience. The girl I love more than anything saying yes to marry me — something I’d only ever dreamed of. And yet knowing that the cancer would take her life before I’d ever see her pretty face in a white dress.

These are just a few examples that show how those eighteen months were a whirlwind of hopefulness. Many people demonise false optimism. They say that it only makes the unfortunate truth harder to digest when it eventually comes to fruition. And perhaps those people are right. But sometimes, that truth can be so devastatingly unbearable that you simply can’t swallow it all in one sitting — you need the soft cushion of promise, even if it’s not real, to make things a little easier.

In many ways, it’s the false hope that death will never befall us or those we love that keeps us all going, isn’t it? It’s a bitter pill that we don’t have to ingest right now, so we ignore it until the time comes.

And I think that’s okay. I think false hope is, in many ways, a blessing.

It keeps us sane. It gives us the strength to carry on. That’s one of the things I learned during that nightmare of a journey — that a little false hope here and there is sometimes exactly what we need.

A lot of wisdom was gained throughout Charlotte’s prognosis. It was a tough price to pay to gain some insight into what it means to be happy, but I’ll carry those lessons with me forever. Let’s run through a few more.

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If it Feels Right, it Probably is

At around the age of eleven, I was in a huge car accident with my family. A van hit us from behind at no fewer than eighty miles per hour whilst we were stationary on the motorway. The impact was so huge that six other cars were involved — our car hitting the car in front, and that pattern repeating over a further five cars.

After years of physiotherapy, X-rays and appointments, my legal case was eventually closed and I was offered £5,500 in compensation. I was seventeen. The courtroom decided that, although I shouldn’t technically have received the money until I was eighteen, I seemed sensible enough to spend it wisely and therefore could be paid immediately.

The moment I left the courtroom, I called Charlotte.

“Charl, I have five and a half grand. Where do you want to go first?”

We started with Paris. Disneyland, the Eiffel Tower, fancy restaurants and expensive drinks. We did it all. Then it was a beach holiday to Cyprus, basking in the sun for a few weeks and enjoying each other’s company. Next, it was Belgium at Christmas — the most magical holiday I’ve ever been on. Ice skating, mugs of hot chocolate and warm hugs by the fire with my best friend on the planet. And lastly, a summer holiday in Ibiza to celebrate Charlotte starting university. Despite the lawyer’s best judgements, I spent all of that money within a matter of months. At the time, there were two voices in my head — one telling me I should save the money and use it for my education in the future, and one telling me to go ahead and make some great memories.

Today, I’m eternally grateful that I ignored that first voice. I spent every penny building the most magical memories with the girl I loved, memories I’ll never again have the chance to create. And within that experience, I learned another vital lesson. Sometimes, objectively ‘bad’ decisions might just feel right. It might be totally nonsensical and go against everyone’s best judgements, but when your gut tells you to do something, don’t ignore it. You never know what’s around the corner.

You might never again have the same opportunities that you do today.

It’s okay to ignore logic every now and then, shrug your shoulders and make that ‘bad’ decision. Granted, it’s not always going to be the right thing to do. But it may just be the best choice you ever make.

Act With Love and You’ll Never Regret it

Caring for a terminally ill person is one of the most difficult things an individual can experience. It’s exhausting, heartbreaking, and will test you to your absolute limit. I found myself on the brink of a meltdown so many times during Charlotte’s illness. Thankfully, I never crossed that border. But I was close. Living with Charlotte and her family, I’d return home to my mum and brother from time to time, expressing that I simply couldn’t handle this situation anymore. It was going to kill me.

There was so much pressure, and my heart never stopped racing.

I’d wake up with the heaviest sense of dread every morning when I realised it wasn’t all just some horrific nightmare. To add to that, I was constantly on alert, fearful that Charlotte might have a seizure or fall and hurt herself in the night. I couldn’t relax, no matter how much I meditated, drank camomile tea, or read books. There were times where I couldn’t envisage carrying on any longer. But I did. I persevered. And Charlotte’s last words to me made it all worth it.

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Just a few weeks before her death, she was moved into hospice care.

Since the doctors had exhausted all of their options at prolonging her life, it was time to make her comfortable, pain-free and allow her to exit this world as peacefully as possible.

Some nights before Charlotte was moved, her mum asked if I’d like to stay with Charlotte in the hospital for an evening. It’s not easy sleeping in those hospital beds — especially when there are lights everywhere, nurses running up and down the corridor, and constant beeping sounds. Charlotte managed, of course. She was exhausted, and falling asleep on command was a gift of hers that I always envied.

That night, just when I thought she was falling asleep, she called my name. At this point, she was on a lot of morphine. She must’ve called me over to say goodnight a dozen times. I’d laugh, say it back, give her a kiss on the forehead, and repeat that cycle over and over. But then she said something else.

“AJ,” she whispered. (That's my nickname.)

“Thank you so much for being there for me. You didn’t have to stay throughout all of this. You could’ve left and you didn’t. Thank you. I love you.”

That was it. That’s what made it all worth it. The pain, the sorrow, the anxiety — all of it. Pushing past those moments of being on the brink of a mental breakdown. I’d done it all for Charlotte. I was there for her when she needed me, just as she’d always supported me. And that’s all I needed to hear. In that, I learned something else. Acts of love aren’t about us. They’re not self-serving. We execute them simply because we care so deeply about the person receiving them. We do them not for ourselves, or anybody else, but simply because we love that person so much. Because we want to see that beautiful smile on their face and the glimmer in their eyes. And, above everything else, it’s those acts of love that can provide us the deepest sense of joy and satisfaction in life. It’s as Esther Hicks once said: The greatest gift you can ever give another person is your own happiness.

I’ll hold Charlotte’s words with me until the day I die. They remind me that I did it all to see her happy, despite my own sadness. And at that moment, I realized I’d succeeded.

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Coming Back to Earth

Charlotte passed away in August of 2019. Despite the heartbreak and tragedy of the whole experience, she was blessed with as peaceful a passage as possible — largely pain-free and unaware of what was happening. Losing a loved one at such a young age is a mind-bending experience. Entering a relationship when your adolescent brain isn’t fully formed yet leads you to develop a certain sense of codependency.

I don’t think that can be avoided, either. When there’s little else going on in life, a romantic relationship can become your entire universe.

Charlotte’s death forced me into a period of deep introspection. I had no choice but to figure out who I was without her. And so I turned to books. I began reading every self-improvement book I could find, from psychology to philosophy and everything in-between. I learned a lot, on reflection, and made it my new purpose to teach myself how to be happy.

In that pursuit, another voice crept into my head. It asked me: “If you’re learning this much about happiness and it’s genuinely helping you, why not share it with others?”

And so I did. I launched a publication online, called it Mind Cafe, and started writing about what I was experiencing. At the same time, I invited others to join me and share their stories too, and Mind Cafe became this fast-growing community of self-improvers, all seeking to become better versions of themselves.

Bizarrely, almost within weeks of Charlotte’s departure from this earth, Mind Cafe’s growth was taken to a level that not even I could fathom. The timing was perfect, since I now had something new to distract me from the grief and trauma that lingered in the back of my mind. Through my reading of Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search For Meaning, I knew that the only way through the grief would be to find a sense of purpose. And there it was, serendipitously placed into my lap at just the right time.

“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.ˮ A Q U OT E BY V I K TO R E . F R A N K L

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Continuing to run the publication with the support of my team, a few thousand monthly readers quickly turned into a few hundred thousand. And then five hundred thousand. Before long, we were consistently reaching over two and a half million people every single month — a figure I’d never anticipated when launching this tiny publication in a hospital ward with zero expectations.

When first confronted with the epitome of my worst nightmare at the young age of nineteen, I surrendered almost immediately. I contemplated giving up every single night. I’d dread waking up each and every morning, often wishing I wouldn’t.

To be able to sit here today and write these words with a smile on my face, knowing how far I’ve come in this crazy journey called life, is a true miracle.

And therein lies a final lesson.

Even when giving up seems like the only option, hold on one more day. Take life one step at a time, as my mum always says. Soon, you’ll look back on your stay in Rock Bottom Hotel as this crucial period of growth that led you to where you needed to be. But only because you kept moving forward.

Learning From Adversity

It would be wonderful if we could learn the lessons that adversity teaches without going through the pain of it all. But I don’t think that’s possible.

Despite our losses, what we gain through grief is profound wisdom.

I don’t say that in an egotistical sense. I don’t consider myself some all-knowing oracle that’s been gifted with knowledge that others lack.

Rather, I know that I learned a lot of important lessons through my experiences with grief. Wherever you are in life at this point, whether in a similar position that I was in or not, know this. It gets easier. You’ve heard that before, but it does. People are right.

Time heals, and it heals well. The cuts that sting to touch today will become scars that protect you from the pain in the future. Adversity is a teacher. A cruel, masochistic teacher, but the best you’ll ever have.

So let it teach you. Take whatever you can from it in exchange for the sorrow, anxiety, and grief that it inflicts.

You won’t be the same once the storm passes. But perhaps that’s a good thing. Maybe the changes you endure will be for the better in some ways. Indeed, you may feel like you’re lost at sea at times. But someday, like a piece of driftwood, you’ll float back to the shore. And once you get there, you’ll reflect on the tumult and the sorrow with a bittersweet smile on your face, thankful for the memories, and proud of yourself for making it out to the other side.

That’s what I’m doing as I write these words. And I know that Charlotte is smiling right back at me.

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PHOTOGRAPHY

Joseph Marchant

L O C AT I O N

Shoreditch, London

MODELS

Elliot Crawford

CLOTHING SUPPLIED BY:

@dpus_outlet @nicce @crepprotect

Finding Serenity in a Tech-Dominated World INTERVIEWER: ADRIAN DREW I N T E R V I E W E E : E L L I O T C R AW F O R D

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any of us are forced to confront the unpleasantness of social rejection throughout our lives. Like it or not, we simply can’t please everyone, no matter how hard we might try. And yet, while criticism and abuse are things that we all have to face from time to time, few people are subject to the neverending tirade of judgement as much as influencers. Forever in the spotlight, an individual with a significant following online is forced to deal with not only an increased amount of unwanted feedback from particularly malicious members of their audience, but suddenly, every single thing they do is scrutinised - good or bad.

Naturally, the weight of hyper-judgementality that comes with the territory of stardom is sure to take its toll on those under the microscope. But for Elliot Crawford, things really took a turn for the worst early in his career. Wandering through Brick Lane, coffees in hand and the sound of hustle and bustle surrounding us, Elliot and I had a chance to return to the events of the last few years of his life, characterised not by the aforementioned rough patches, but his tremendous rise to success in such a short space of time.

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“Things can take time, but thatʼs alright.

It doesnʼt make the project any worse if it takes longer.”

A Q U O T E B Y E L L I O T C R AW F O R D

Adrian: Elliot, I know a lot about you already - but in your own words, who are you and what do you do?

Elliot: I’m Elliot, a 24-year-old who made his name through YouTube and has since moved into the music industry. I write and produce my own songs and also have a spot as a resident DJ at a club in Brighton.

YouTube used to be the main thing for me, but music and events have become my priority in recent years. I taught myself how to DJ in 2019 and learned the basics from a few friends. Progressing to a decent level and meeting with the right people enabled me to land a slot performing once a month, and I’m currently looking to expand that into new cities and venues.

I’ve always wanted to pursue a career in music. I went to the Brighton Instute of Modern Music to study, which gave me the foundational knowledge to now do most of my song production myself. I love self-producing. I feel that the more people you add into that creative process, the less control and flexibility you have. Doing it alone has really enabled me to focus on what I truly want to do.

Adrian: And with music, is there a particular message you aim to share?

Elliot: I think it varies from track to track, really. Some of my songs are more upbeat and club-focused, and the meaning within those isn’t that deep. But I do have slower, more meaningful songs that aim to portray particular messages - whether its about entering a relationship or fixing a broken one.

It’s a mixture, to be honest. The club stuff isn’t meant to be heartfelt and serious, it’s just dancy music that people enjoy listening to.

Not all music has to be meaningful.One of Giggs’s lyrics, for example is ‘Looking all giftwrapped, looking all turkey’. What does that even mean? Realistically, nothing. It just fits with the song.

But I do have deeper songs, like ‘Phases’, ‘Lone Wolf ’, and ‘It Took Time’, which all meant more to me. It Took Time is relevant to my own personal journey, the lyrics being it took time, but it takes time, and I know it now.

Plain and simple, that’s the message. Things can take time, but that’s alright. It doesn’t make the project any worse if it takes longer to produce. Some things just take time, and we learn that as we progress.

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Adrian: Out of interest as a fellow creative, where do you normally find inspiration?

Elliot: It depends, really. Inspiration can come in many forms. For example, my friend Joe and I visited an Airbnb a while ago that had a queen-sized bed and a double, and we just kept saying ‘queen and a double’. That became a song. Inspiration can come from really random moments like that, and from simple things like a line in a film or a beat you hear from another song can inspire a whole album. It’s hard to describe.

I really struggle to find creativity at times. You can’t force it, though. My best ideas definitely come from those trivial little things that develop in my head. Some songs can take months to create, while others might be done start to finish in 24 hours. Time doesn’t make one project better than the another. The process is just different for everyone, and it’s important to value creativity regardless of how long it took to manifest.

Adrian: For sure. It’s just about when that inspiration hits, and it might come to you in the strangest of moments.

It’s the same for me. Moving on from your background as a musician, then, I spoke with you previously about the public falling out you had with Joe Weller. What happened there, and how did you pull through?

Elliot: That was one of the main obstacles I’ve had to face in my career. It all happened at the end of 2017, largely as a result of the whole cancel culture thing. Joe and I used to make a lot of videos together but had this weird public argument, though it was largely other peoples’ voices that made the whole thing so loud despite our silence.

To sum it up, we fell out because of this big fight that Joe was having with YouTuber KSI, and it all just got blown out of proportion. As a result, though, I started getting so much hate from people and became really anxious as a result. I just couldn’t escape it. I literally went to Brighton once with my girlfriend and her family, and these lads started shouting at me calling me a ‘snake’ and all kinds of other things - even though they had no real idea what had happened between me and Joe. It’s mad how quickly people can jump to conclusions about those under the limelight - especially in the YouTube industry. People like us are expected to be able to handle it and move on, but we’re human, too.

Haters don’t tend to see that. They’re so disconnected from our emotions that they just hurl abuse and don’t consider the consequences. You really have to be thick-

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skinned to survive in that sort of industry, where everybody is so quick to judge everything you do. It was a really difficult, intense time for me, to be honest.

Adrian: That sounds awful. I guess it’s just a really magnified version of the criticism that we all have to face on a daily basis, but obviously with thousands more people all sharing their opinion. Did it reach a tipping point?

Elliot: It did, but I just had to keep pushing through, to be honest. Luckily I had some good people around me, but sometimes it did become too much and everything would come flooding out. I remember once when I was learning to DJ I did a livestream - and the comments were relentless. Tonnes of people kept sending hurtful messages.

It got to the point where I just had to close my laptop, and I broke down into tears. People saw me as this horrible person, even though I wasn’t. I had no idea what to do.

It made me more resilient, though. I feel ready for the next stage now that all the drama is behind me. I learned that you do have to learn to take it on the chin when you’re entering the public eye, and I feel like a better person after going through all of that. It proved to me that I can cope with very difficult situations and come back stronger. We all can.

Adrian: Definitely. I feel like this culture of hyperjudgementality can be really damaging where mental health is concerned. That said, what advice would you give to somebody that’s overly fixated on the opinions of others?

Elliot: As generations go, people are becoming more and more interlocked with their phones and social media - which isn’t necessarily a wholly bad thing. But it does fuel this culture of comparison and criticism. There are so many people on Instagram and other platforms copying eachother and trying to be better than their neighbours, yet all these people are also just as flawed as one another. They’re just trying to hide from reality, and I feel like that can be so damaging. We have to remember that social media shows us life through a rose-coloured lens. That perfect body we see on our feed isn’t real, and we shouldn’t aspire to look like him or be like her. It’s all just an augmented reality. Other people might look like the happiest person in the world on social media, and we might wish we were them, but there’s so much more to them than that. They have bad days, too.

Days where they don’t look or feel great. That’s real life, not the images we see online.

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Adrian: It’s also interesting when you consider the neurochemistry behind it all - the way that dopamine, the feel-good chemical that’s released when we get things such as likes on social media, has become so much more readily available. Don’t you think?

Elliot: For sure. Previously, we’d have to go outside or do something that would take longer to provide that feel-good reward, but now we can get it so easily. People don’t want to wait for anything anymore. Delayed gratification is almost not-existent. Look at TikTok, for example, and how short and snappy every video is. Our attention spans have really shrunk as a result, and it’s also just so much easier to find that super quick dopamine release. It’s becoming so much harder to read books or work hard since we’re used to everything that makes us feel good coming so easy.

Adrian: So how do you think we can break that cycle?

Is that even possible in a world so dominated by social media?

Elliot: I really don’t know. It might come to a big head and we’ll all be forced to change. I can also see us all becoming a bit like the characters in Wall-E, you know?

That film where people are strapped to a chair and spend their days watching TV, getting lazier and having everything brought to them. It seems like we’re heading in that direction, in a sense. People are also becoming less

likely to go out and see others since the pandemic, and our social skills are taking a hit.

It’s important that we get out of that habit and embrace social interaction as we used to, rather than being sucked in by technology all the time. It feels like recent lockdowns kind of fuelled a lot of our bad habits.

Adrian: I agree. Flipping that on its head, though, I also felt that lockdown forced me to appreciate simpler pleasures.

I’d look forward to very trivial things like going for a run.

My Friday night out became this ritual where I’d watch The Killers play in Glasgow on YouTube whilst having a glass of red wine. I spent more time with my family and the dogs, appreciated activities like cooking and enjoyed regular Zoom calls with friends. It was a double-edged sword, really.

In my experience, though, it was a much simpler time.

Elliot: Exactly. You almost didn’t really know what you were doing day-to-day. The most you’d plan is going to the park or doing a home workout. I feel like we can all learn from that,. In the absence of physical connection, we discovered new forms of entertainment and happiness, which is something that we can take with us. Of course, it wasn’t all positive, and there were a huge number of downsides for many people. But we can at least use the experience to remind us that, often, simple pleasures are the key to happiness. In those small moments, we can find a lot of peace.

“People donʼt want to wait for anything anymore. Delayed gratification is almost non-existent.”

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Adrian: Bringing it back to the theme of journey, then, obviously it takes a large amount of self-belief and tenacity to pursue a career like music. How have you been able to confront that?

Elliot: 100% - it really does When I was studying music, I realised that I loved singing but whenever I tried to write my own songs, I hated them. Now, though, I feel very confident in my ability to do that alone. Previously, I had so many other people helping me with tracks and it just felt like I was a part of something rather than being the creator of it. It’s liberating to do things on my own.

It’s hard, though, because people have so many different tastes when it comes to music. Two in a hundred people might like my songs, and the rest could hate them. But it’s crucial to have enough self-confidence to be proud of what you’ve made, even if it doesn’t always resonate with the people who listen to it. It’s easy to have that confidence knocked, but it’s temporary. You bounce back again. It’s hard to explain, but I used to always want to make songs that didn’t sound like I’d made them - if that makes sense.

I wanted my music to feel different, and I always thought if it sounded too much like Elliot Crawford, that was a bad thing. Now, I realise that isn’t true. What’s important is finding your own voice and being proud of that, in any creative expression, rather than trying to fit somebody else’s mould.

Moreover, it’s vital that you’re vulnerable when producing anything, even though that can be the hardest thing. Vulnerability is an interesting one, and it’s easy to shy away from. But I think it’s a very good sign when you’re feeling particularly vulnerable about something because, firstly, it means you care. That, and it also enables you to better connect with other people. We can only truly relate to others when we learn to let the guard down

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and invite people in to see those more intimate parts of ourselves. For that reason, vulnerability is essential when it comes to producing your best work, since its those honest, open extensions of ourselves that enable people to really identify with what we create.

Adrian: I think that’s a key point. If you’re not vulnerable, you’re not portraying your true self and nobody can relate to a facade, since it simply isn’t real. In terms of the pursuit of dreams, then, do you feel that everybody should follow their own or choose something more realistic?

Elliot: I mean, sure, if you enjoy a particular career path that isn’t some lofty dream, do it. If you pursue something that you truly love, you’ll never work a day in your life.

I’m still in the process of building my own career, but in my own head, a studio session is like a fun day out. It doesn’t feel like hard graft. That’s the key, I think - finding something that feels light and enjoyable. Sure, it will be challenging at times. But the alternative is far worse. Sitting and thinking about your dreams is going to hurt you much more in the long run than trying, failing, and trying again at carving a career out of something you truly enjoy.

Adrian: Is there any advice you’d give to somebody standing at the bottom of the mountain and wanting to start their own journey upwards?

Elliot: To continue with the analogy, you’ve just got to start climbing. It doesn’t matter if you take ten steps one day and half a step the next - you’ll still be closer to where you want to be than you would if you just stood still.

Mountains aren’t just straight up - there are bumps along the way. But if you keep climbing, you’ll eventually make it to the peak. It’s all about the journey.

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Afterword AUTHOR: ADRIAN DREW

I

t truly is an amazing milestone for us as a team to be rounding off our fifth edition. Looking back at edition one, Clarity, and seeing how far this publication has come is truly astounding.

Mind Cafe was born out of the worst moment in my life - watching my fiancée battle against brain cancer and ultimately lose her life. This publication was built in an attempt to forge something positive from the fires of adversity and, though we’re still very much at the beginning of our own journey, to know that we’re helping people globally to find a little bit more happiness is a wonderful epilogue to a devastating story.

As always, I want to take this opportunity to thank you, our cherished reader, for choosing to support this magazine. Whether you’ve been an avid purchaser of Mind Cafe since its inception, or you picked up one of our

For me, becoming isnʼt about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as a forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self.

The journey doesnʼt end.”

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PHOTOGRAPHY

Adrian Drew

L O C AT I O N

Brighton, England

MODELS

Sean Newton, Khariis Ubiaro

recent editions for the first time, it’s you and only you that makes this all possible for us as a team. This publication truly pulled me from the darkest depths of my life, and I have you to thank for that. More, your support is enabling us to spread our message to all four corners of the world, from the US to Japan and everywhere in between. We’re only just getting started, and there’s so much more that we wish to accomplish. For now, though, I’m just thrilled to have you with us along this journey.

If ever you wish to reach out, feel free to send me a message on Instagram via @adriandrew__ or email me at adrian@mindcafe.co. I’d love to hear from you.

Catch you next time.

Adrian Drew Editor-in-Chief

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PHOTOGRAPHY

Joe Marchant

L O C AT I O N

Cornwall, England

ON BEING PRESENT

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MIND CAFE - ISSUE 5 £11.99

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