On Dit 89.1

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contents editorial whats on? src president state of the union vox pop club spotlight econ dit rural student voice international student voice sex and the small city

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Articles things i wish i knew in first year researchers fight fake news using onE weird trick... transparency? yes, please: why we need an independEnt judiciary for student politics being a young carer 2020: the year of lost bangers why biden won attack at funtea why you should give a shit about student politics dear scotty, revolutions are here to stay peter høj is not the sickness - he is a symptom memoir: welcome to taman desa matthew reilly: An australian treasure

cover art ‘balm of orchids’ 26 By isobel Moore

creAtive writing refLEction heirloom poem drawers of the dead 4

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editors isobel Moore Stasi kapetanos michelle roylance ivan bucalo design isobel Moore

photography by Tiah Bullock @tiahbullock

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W

e wish to acknowledge and pay our respects to the Kaurna people and their

elders past, present and future as the traditional custodians of the land on which the University of the Adelaide resides. Their cultural and heritage belic fs flow deep and steady through the land

and burn bright within the Kaurna community to this day.

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Welcome everyone to the first edition of On Dit 2021! Thanks for picking up our groovy student magazine.

We – Ivan, Stasi, Issi, and Michelle – are so excited to be editing the magazine this year and bringing you topical articles, creative works, and bright, bubbly visuals. This edition, we are pleased to offer you a scrummy taste of some of the flavours we hope to serve to you throughout 2021.

This year, we hope you’ll enjoy some of our regular features, recognise traditions carried over from previous editors, and appreciate a few new spicy additions. We hope you’ll find something in On Dit that gets you hooked and keeps you coming back for more. If there’s something you really want to see in our pages, feel free to toss our team an email, or, even better, pick up a pen and write it yourself - we’re always looking for fresh ideas and new contributors.

We know that Adelaide Uni is soaked in political activity and movements, and our team is dedicated to bringing you all the latest action and news both in print and on our social media accounts. We also aim to use our student media platform as a creative outlet for all the talented artists we have in the university and local community, plus short stories and poetry, creative non-fiction, graphics, photography, reviews and everything in-between.

We know that our team of editors, each with their own interests and outlooks, can pour a bit of their heart and soul into a wonderfully unique version of On Dit. So, whether it’s on the bus, between classes, or at home with your favourite mug and comfiest socks, we invite you to immerse yourself in the fabulous first issue of On Dit volume 89.

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Amss o’dAy 2021 date: 24th February time: 10am-3pm host: adelaIDe medical student society where: ahmsa building

whats on?

things to do @ adelaide u

website: https:// www.facebook.com/ events/2981412728782568

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sociAl session date: 24th February time: 10am-12pm host: adelaIDe health and medical sciences association where: helen mayo north

cny dinner 2021 date: 24th February time: 6:30pm fee: $30 ($25 for members) host: adelaIDe health and medical sciences association where: Chef Dong Chinese Restaurant, 3/103 Payneham Rd, St Peters host: Adelaide University Malaysian Medical Students Association website: https://www.facebook.com/ events/2969572689956145

AUAC Seasonal Previews Winter 2021 date: 27th February time: 11am-8:15pm host: Adelaide University Anime Club where: 102 Napier Building website: https:// www.facebook.com/ events/1396758987329949

Demon Slayer - Kimetsu No YaibaThe Movie: Mugen Train date: 28th February time: 4pm fee: cinema ticket host: Adelaide University Anime Club where: Event Cinema Marion

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src President

Oscar Zi Shao Ong SRC President

欢迎来到阿大 !To all the first-year students, on behalf of the Student Representative Council I’d like to extend to you a warm welcome to our University!

For everyone else, welcome back and hi again! I am your 2021 Adelaide University Student Representative Council (SRC) President and currently doing a PhD in Mechanical Engineering. My role is to lead the SRC to represent the students at the University of Adelaide to the public. At the same time, I also serve as a Director and Executive on the Adelaide University Union (AUU) Board.

The officers and members of the SRC are democratically elected annually by the students of the University of Adelaide. The SRC is a not-for-profit incorporated association, affiliated to the AUU. Together, we are here to make your student life the best experience possible. If you have any questions, feel free to drop by the Fix Student Lounge - you can find the SRC office upstairs. You will be able to meet our dedicated Office-Bearers and General Councillors throughout the week. Come say hi! Find out more about the SRC here: https:// www.auu.org.au/meetreps/src/ For many of the first-year students, university will be a big turning point in your education. Until now many of you have studied at high school, and some of you may have had a few years out in the world before coming here, but one lesson you will quickly learn is that your education and general experience at university will be exactly what you make of it. There is no one watching over you making you get out of bed to come to class, and there is no one pushing you to follow different opportunities and extra-curricular activities.

Having been the lonely guy walking through the Hub, not knowing a single face, and feeling overwhelmed about enrolment and finding my way to class, I can completely relate to the feeling of being lost throughout the first few weeks of uni. But you know what? The easiest way to cut off those newbie feelings is by fighting off the impulse to withdraw, and to get out there and connect with other students!

Having served for more than half a year as your SRC President last year, 2020 has been a challenging year, and I look forward to continuing representing you to the university and ensure the best outcome for you, making 2021 our comeback year!

Questions/suggestions about the SRC/university? You are always welcome to email me or send me a message through social media!

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oscarzishao.ong@adelaide.edu.au Facebook/WeChat ID: oscarong1997

state of the union

Hello, and welcome to 2021! My name is Angela, and I am the 2021 president of the Adelaide University Union (AUU). I am studying a Master of Teaching (Middle & Secondary) and I’m an international student from China!

The Union is a student-led organisation dedicated to enriching campus culture through various events (such as the fantastic O’Week), our 150+ clubs (from Minecraft Club to 180-Degree Consulting), as well as our employment services and wonderful team at Student Care. Our office is located on level 4, Union House. O’Week is the best time for you to get a Union membership as we provide gift packs for new members!

We also have a focus on strengthening students’ voices, hence a Student Representative Council (SRC) is established with the representatives elected annually.

It’s good to see our students returning to campus, and to the new students joining us this year, welcome! You have made a great choice in joining the only Group of 8 University in South Australia. We are glad that you can finally join us face-to-face in a fun-packed O’Week to enjoy our vibrant campus culture – speaking of which, visiting Clubsland is a must! Joining a club is the best way to know people with the same interests, gain leadership experience, joining a warm community, all while having fun! The participating clubs change daily, so make sure to come every day. If you are looking for a particular club, you can also search for them online at https://www.auu.org.au/ get-involved/clubs/ To our overseas students, hang in there - we want you back as soon as possi-ble! On top of delivering courses in a blended mode (online and offline), there are also many university, union, or club events held online, not to mention various digital resources and support services that are available to you. Do take care of yourself until we see you again.

Lastly, even though Adelaide is recovering well from COVID-19 and we are fortunate enough to have some classes face-to-face, do not let your guard down. It is more important than ever to try to maintain social distancing, wash your hands frequently, and wear a mask if possible.

I hope your time in the University of Adelaide will be memorable – and hope to see you at plenty of Union events in the future!

Angela Qin 2021 AUU President 11

VOX?

pop!

Annie Bachelor of Law and International Studies 1. Actually, being on campus! Don’t get me wrong, I love doing seminars in my pyjamas, but I miss seeing my mates in person and working through questions together. I think my grades will be better for it.

2.Don’t buy the textbooks, just pop down to the library and borrow them instead. Most lecturers rarely use them and it’ll save you a hell of a lot of money.

3. The Hub Mezzanine in the morning before

class. It’s quiet enough that you can actually get some work done, but busy enough that you can still procrastinate by turning your head at what other people are doing. Pair that with a tray of hot chips from Taste Baguette and I’ve got my morning sorted.

4. I have to admit, I don’t know much about either Catherine Branson or Peter Høj. But I think the fact both left and right students are speaking out against the new guy tells me all I need to know. From my perspective, this could have been an opportunity for Adelaide Uni to send a strong signal to students that they are open to change. Instead, they just picked another dodgy white guy named Peter.

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Jenaya Shelton Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery (MBBS) 1. I’m studying in Port Augusta for the year,

so looking forward to getting lots of handson teaching in the hospital/GP clinics, and hopefully meeting friendly doctors that will support me in a career in rural medicine!

2. You only have to do things the first time

once – after you get past that scary initial step and try something new, because even if you decide you don’t like it and won’t do it again, you’ve grown a little and have a new story to tell :)

3. The balconies of the AHMS building, any

time of day – you have the perks of feeling the fresh air and sitting on (fake) grass, but also of indoor study with a fan/heater and power outlets.

4. I don’t know much about them, but ap-

preciate that it would be a challenging role.

1. What are you most looking forward to this year?

2. What’s one piece of wisdom you wish you could impart on your first-year self?

3. When’s the best time and place to study on campus and what’s the best study snack?

Blake Lawrenson Bachelor of Law and Bachelor of Economics

4. Any comment on the appoint-

1. I’m really looking forward to the opening

ment of the new Adelaide Uni Chancellor and Vice-Chancellor?

up of social events this year after what felt like endless cancellations due to COVID-19 restrictions. Coming out of my first year, I feel like I still haven’t had a proper taste of uni life yet!

2. Four words: WATCH. THE. GODDAMN. LECTURES!

3. Although no one really wants to get up at

that time, early morning is hands down the best as there is ample space everywhere.

Best place is really in any of the libraries, but particularly the small desks between the stacks. It’s so quiet and the smell of old books is great. Allen’s Redskins are brilliant when studying - they’re sweet, sugary, and take a while to get through.

Isabel Ng Bachelor of Law and Bachelor of Commerce 1. Season 5 of My Hero Academia!

2. Don’t feel locked into the first degree you start studying. There is no shame in taking your time to discover what you want to do.

3. Nexus Building study spaces, coffee or hot chocolate from Exchange Specialty Coffee.

4. Prefer not to publicly comment on politics.

4. The appointment of Ms. Branson as Chancellor is something I haven’t really had much chance to develop an opinion on as of yet. The appointment of Peter Høj as VC, on the other hand, I feel very strongly against.

I participated in the snap rally against his appointment after it was announced and I am frankly disgusted and shocked at his appointment. I have personally publicly spoken against Adelaide’s current ties with the CCP with the presence of the Confucius Institute, and I fear it will only get worse under Chairman Høj. I can only imagine how much more anger is being felt by the University’s Uyghur and Hong Konger communities.

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WORDS BY TAYLOR AND CHELSEA FERNANDEZ

ADELAIDE FASHION COLLECTIVE ADELAIDE FASHION COLLECTIVE ADELAIDE FASHION COLLECTIVE

CLUB SPOTLIGHT

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Adelaide Fashion Collective is dedicated to celebrating the individual styles of our students.

“Our club runs events

related to the fashion industry, social events where fashion lovers can meet up, and uses social media to regularly showcase the amazing variety of styles found on campus!”

Why did you start the club?

When we started at university, we noticed that so many students around campus were dressed in the coolest outfits! We were definitely those people who put way too much effort into getting dressed for a 9am lecture. This love of fashion led us to establish the Adelaide Fashion Collective in 2019, and since then, we have been dedicated to showcasing the fun and diverse outfits at uni.

Why should you join the club?

Joining the Adelaide Fashion Collective gives you the chance to learn more about the fashion industry in Adelaide, to meet like-minded people who love to style outfits, and perhaps even to just serve as an excuse to be overdressed for a tutorial… Membership is free, but students can join our mailing list or follow our social media accounts to keep updated on our events or view our fashion related content. If you are interested in being part of our committee, we will be hosting an

SGM early in Semester 1 for new members to join!

What exciting events might people want to keep an eye out for?

We have our Op Shop Crawl coming up in Week 2 (on the 13th of March). It’s a chance to check out the amazing selection of op shops and vintage stores in the Adelaide CBD, whilst promoting sustainable fashion and having a fun time! Details about our tickets—which are in the form of cute tote bags with our logo—will be released via our Facebook page, so be sure to check that out! We also have an exciting collaboration with some other clubs coming up!

What have you enjoyed the most about being in this club?

We have enjoyed meeting other people who love fashion through this club! It’s so fun and exciting to see how people approach their style differently.

1. Go in with some idea of what you're looking for. It can be daunting looking

through so many clothes if you have no clue what you are wanting. Before you go shopping, check out Pinterest to put together a mood board. Think about which colours, patterns, trends, or eras of fashion you are drawn to. There might be something specific you’re missing from your wardrobe, so take note of that and bring along a shopping wish list.

2. Be prepared. Head to the store early as you’ll have the most stock to look through. Perfect your try-on outfit by finding pieces that are both comfortable, but also good staples to mix with the items you try on. Shoes without laces will make things easier for you if you’re in and out of the changeroom!

3. Look everywhere and think creatively. Try the women’s, men’s, kid’s, pyjamas, everything! A nightie could become a slip dress or a smaller shirt could serve as a baby tee.

OP OP SHOP SHOP TIPS TIPS

In preparation for our Op Shop Crawl, we have put together some tips to get the most out of thrifting.

4. Consider how you can rework items. Some clothing items might have

more potential than you think! Clothes can be customised, DIYed, or even altered to fit you and your style.

5. Don't give up! You’re not going to find gems every time you go into an

op shop, so keep persisting. It takes time to curate the perfect second-hand wardrobe, so patience is key!

You can check out our club on Facebook (Adelaide Fashion Collective) or on Instagram (@adlfashioncollective).

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WORDS BY the Adelaide University Economics Club

econ dit

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Australia and China: Australia and China: The breakdown of a The breakdown of a trade-lationship trade-lationship COVID-19 alone cannot explain the dire state of trade relations between Australia and China that we enter 2021 with.

Though the original state of relations reflected a tolerant business friendship in early 2020, heightened tensions have resulted in treacherous diplomatic terrain between the two countries.

The question is, how did we get here?

Well, China has presented a threat to the United States’ hegemonic power and the dynamics of the global order.

The rescindment of the U.S from the global system, in terms of protectionism and a decreased role in global governance, has extended the power vacuum China occupied in Asia to the globe. China has increased their sphere of influence and their economic growth at unparalleled rates as a result. This poses a dilemma to outside countries: whether to ride the wave with China, or paddle against the current with their old friends, the US of A.

Andrews, signed a memorandum of understanding with China’s Belt and Road Initiative in 2019. The Belt and Road Initiative is presented as an infrastructure development to facilitate trade flows. However, others deem it a geostrategic initiative to increase China’s sphere of influence. Victoria’s move was much to the chagrin of the Morrison Federal Government, who have since introduced legislation which could override the memorandum. Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, also questioned China’s developing country status in the World Trade Organization, which affords them It could be argued that Australia has certain exemptions from global trade remained a fence-sitter during this rules. China argues that Australia time. Ideologically, we seem to be itself flouts WTO rules through selecgreat mates with the U.S and the other tive anti-dumping and countervailing western countries. Yet, our trade rela- measures, having 26 measures imtions with China told a different story. posed on Chinese goods, compared to More than a third of Australia’s exThai goods in second at 8 measures, a ports and almost a fifth of imports in pretty significant margin.

2019 were with China. This relationship remains largely asymmetrical, with The tit for tat in trade tensions really Australia only accounting for 1.99% began in April, when the Government of China’s exports, and China facing called for an independent investidiversified imports in every Australian gation into the origins of COVID-19, export except minerals. Australia’s which angered China. Scott Morridependency on China to buy and sell son escalated this further suggesting highlights why the increased tensions the WHO needed a strong “weapons are so concerning to Australia. inspector” to investigate the cause of the outbreak, and championed the The last five years have shown eviproposal to several world leaders. dent minor aggressions between the two countries. The last time an AusThe Chinese Government then actralian Prime Minister visited Beijing cused Australia of launching a political was Malcom Turnbull in 2016. Austra- attack on China, and pandering to the lia banned Chinese company Huawei interest of the US. A warning of a conin 2018, and encouraged Canada, sumer boycott was then issued from New Zealand, the UK, and the US to China’s ambassador, and things escado the same. Victorian Premier, Dan lated further when trade was brought 17 17

into the equation. China slapped an 80% tariff on Australian barley in May 2020, essentially halting barley exports to Australia’s most lucrative market. China justified this as an anti-dumping measure, on claims that the Australian Government subsidised farmers and sold barley into China below the cost of production. An import ban was then placed on several Australian abattoirs for the sale of beef. In 2019, red meat exports to China were valued close to $3 billion. This import ban reduced beef supply by a third.

Australia still managed to hit back through limiting Chinese investment and acquisition. Treasurer, Josh Frydenberg, killed the $600 million acquisition of Lion Dairy and Drinks

by China Mengniu Dairy Co. in August 2020, arguing it was contrary to the national interest. This was against the advice of both the Treasury and the Foreign Investment review board, which reinforced views that Chinese companies are treated harshly in Australia’s foreign investment approval processes.

Tensions were escalated further through diplomatic relations. China detained Australian-Chinese journalist, Cheng Lei, in September 2020, the anchor for China Global Television Network. This was on the suspicion of criminal activity, and Foreign Minister, Marise Payne, rejected assertions that Lei was a pawn in the breakdown of relations.

In November 2020, Morrison visited 18

Tokyo to meet the new Japanese Prime Minister, Yoshihide Suga. Australia and Japan announced major progress to signing a historic defence pact. This agreement will facilitate cooperation between Japan and Australia, including in the contested waters of the South and East China Seas, over which China has made vast territorial claims. China was insulted by this, as well as mentions of the importance of upholding Hong Kong’s democratic processes and institutions.

“The breakdown of Australia

and China’s trade and diplomatic relationship is at the expense of Australian consumers and producers... Asymmetrical dependency on China is a shaky and potentially disastrous political position to field”

November saw tensions rise even further, as China placed tariffs of up to 200% on Australian wine. Trade Minister at the time, Simon Birmingham, stated the tariffs were a devastating blow to the Australian wine industry, and that Australia thinks the measures were unfair, unwanted and unjustified. China also enforced import restrictions on Australian coal producers, causing fourth quarter exports to fall by 82%. This jeopardised $14.5 billion of trade, and though China has a slight dependence on Australia’s coal exports, their own coal stocks and competing coal exporters can fill the gaps left by Australia’s exports, for the time being.

Trade is a valuable pawn for China to play against a crippled Australian economy. This is partially because Australia is in absolutely no position to ignite a trade war in response. China is our primary export market and is the producer of a large portion of our imports, and raising tariffs and enforcing bans would have a much larger effect on domestic consumers than on China.

Evidently, diplomacy on Australia’s behalf has proved ineffectual in bettering relations, nor standing up to pressures from China.

including by shifting the focus towards renewable industries, making us competitive exporters in the fight against climate change. Perhaps the establishment of a post-COVID-19 world order, if it ever crystallizes, will give Australia the appropriate economic tools to create a sustainable and prosperous future for everyone.

Australia has few cards left in its hand, and has reverted to global governance in making a complaint against China to the WTO. Bringing a case to the WTO Dispute Settlement Board is hardly an easy point against China, as the process of resolution could take between 18 months to 4 years. This without considering the current state of the WTO Appellate Body, which is effectively defunct as the US is yet to appoint new members to fill the body.

The breakdown of Australia and China’s trade and diplomatic relationship is at the expense of Australian consumers and producers. Despite political pressures to attack back, remedying the relationship aligns closer to Australia’s national interest while the economy is still recovering from COVID-19.

However, this has taught Australia a crucial lesson: we must diversify our import and export market. Asymmetrical dependency on China is a shaky and potentially disastrous political position to field. Improving Australia’s strategic direction of resources is vital, 19

Rural Student Voice

WORDS BY maxim buckley

Welcome! You’ve made it to uni.

Congratulations on getting through Year 12, moving anywhere from 50kms to 1800kms from your home, and finding a place to stay in the bustling city. Moving to start uni in a largely foreign city is difficult at the best of times, let alone if you’re from a country town with 40,000 people or less! Uni will be a superb experience for you. You’ll learn so many new things and go on so many adventures that you never thought possible, like hitting 12 pubs in one night, walking into a tute that absolutely has nothing to do with your degree but being too awkward to leave, or hitting the snow for a weeklong getaway in the middle of the year.

Uni is a great time, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention an aspect of uni life that does hamper a number of us, especially country kids, and that’s the issue of accommodation.

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Obviously not everyone comes from the same background, and for those of you who have family to stay with or whose parents’ own a house in the suburbs, then I say good luck and enjoy your increased freedom for the next 3+ years. However, for many of us, moving from the country means one thing: finding accommodation to rent or shacking up in expensive student accommodation. The renting crisis has been done to death and plenty of people have done it greater justice than I would ever hope to achieve. However, something I can personally relate to is the inflated pricing of student accommodation,

especially the colleges that litter the outskirts of many institutions, sandstone and contemporary alike. As a disclaimer, I have never had the experience of staying at a college and so cannot speak on many aspects of their nature. However, I have looked at their pricing in the hopes it would be an easy way to spend my uni days and gawked at what these thugs would charge unsuspecting rural kids for a small room and a mediocre dinner, albeit with a few friends who drink a little bit too much on a Tuesday night, which does sound a little entertaining.

As an anecdote, when I was in high school in Alice Springs, I had a friend who wanted nothing more than to study Commerce (God knows why) at the University of Melbourne. He worked two jobs; at the local McDonalds earning more than likely a pittance every hour for slinging cheeseburgers, and at the town council as the youth advisor, earning ~$20,000 a year. He saved all his money to have the opportunity to stay a single year at a Queen’s College, a college that would, at best, set you back $23,904 for an academic year of 36 weeks, or $664 per week. This would include all your internet, food, electricity, water, and hazing needs. I can tell you right now I do not spend nearly that much for a week living in a sharehouse with two other people. But, I’m in Adelaide. That being said, St Mark’s College will set you back $21,040 for an academic year of 40 weeks, the previous inclusions

applying again of course. St Ann’s is $16,000 for 30 weeks; Lincoln is $20,020 for 40 weeks; and I couldn’t be bothered finding out for Aquinas but I imagine it’s much the same. Flinders is the most reasonable, at $14,320 for the year, but with limited transport options up until recently you would almost certainly need a car to get the best of your Adelaide experience.

I’m not the first to say we need more affordable student accommodation and I certainly won’t be the last. What does get me riled up is that these accommodation options were originally founded for the support of rural students to attend institutions they would otherwise have no chance of attending.

Ormond College in Melbourne prides itself on its history of rural inclusivity even though it has now turned into a playground for Melbourne’s rich to send their bratty children to get the “college experience”. A college experience that lasts from Monday to Friday when around 5pm they head home to

momma and poppa in Toorak to be coddled in their still existing childhood room for the weekend. While Adelaide hasn’t quite hit this critical mass of romanticisation by the wealthier among us, the colleges most certainly are out of reach for many rural students.

My mother, well-paid teacher as she is (this is satire), could not dream of affording the minimum $16,000 a year it would take for me to attend a college.

If I so desperately had to attend one, I would be forking out of my own pocket the expenses, either having to slave away like my friend in Alice Springs, or slave away here in Adelaide.

Colleges should go back to what they were: affordable accommodation for those who need it. Why must those with the most marginalised access to education be the ones who foot the highest bills? The St Peters, Scotch, Pembroke, and Walford kids of Adelaide Uni already have some of the best opportunities. Why shouldn’t we?

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international Student voice

WORDS BY Yeganeh Soltanpour, International Student Officer

The loneliness epidemic

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When many of us think of summer, we think of spending our days resting our eyes after exam season, probably planning our trips, and for most, looking forward to spending Christmas with our families. But the reality for international students looked very different last year.

What would have been a time when international students would go home after not being able to see their families for a year or longer, turned into a time where they would be isolated in their homes, spending holidays such as Christmas and New Year’s Eve away from their families.

I’m one of the many international students that has never spent summer, Christmas or New Year’s in Adelaide.

So, naturally, I was both excited and slightly scared. Excited because I’ve never experienced the Adelaide summer before, and well… scared because I didn’t want to be isolated for two whole months until university started back up.

At the beginning I scrambled, thinking of how I could take my mind off not being able to fly home. Like many, I worried further, because, even though “COVID positive” isn’t something we really hear in safe ol’ Adelaide, the reality is grim in many of our home countries, where COVID-19 is still very much a pressing issue.

However, Adelaide did not disappoint.

The University of Adelaide team,

especially the International Student Support at the University of Adelaide, worked tirelessly to plan and execute educational, exciting and free events for international students to take part in over the summer break. Some of these events included water skiing on the River Murray, going through an Indigenous and cultural exchange with Wirltu Yarlu, and strawberry picking in Hahndorf.

International students were indulged in what South Australia had to offer, from crystal-clear beaches, vast wineries, national parks with trees so grand it would make you think you were in a National Geographic documentary. For most students, this was a time we could make-up for financial losses by working our jobs without being stressed about studies. For some, like myself, we took on summer research to help improve our research skills and future employability.

However, there was a time during the day when you come home and you make a meal for yourself (if you have the energy) surrounded by silence, and you cannot help but have that lingering feeling of loneliness, home-sickness and isolation creep in, to be your only company for the rest of the night. Some types of sickness aren’t like a virus or flu. Some develop when you are separated from your country, family and friends. Those are the types of sickness we often neglect to think about.

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you cannot help but have that lingering feeling of loneliness, home-sickness and isolation creep in, to be your only company for the rest of the night.

Some types of sickness aren’t like a virus or flu.”

A loneliness epidemic has swept across campuses all over Australia. Yet, the main motivator for universities to want to work towards bringing students to Australian campuses seems to be the money international students bring with them. It’s interesting to see how even during the most difficult times for international students, they are still see as nothing but a currency, a quota to be met, rather than people.

dents travelled around SA and went on wine tours. They basked in the sun by the beaches and went for road trips on the weekend. But behind this seemingly rosy picture , international students cannot be seen as just a currency or culpability to universities. They are people, with families and difficulties just like everyone else. They may come from fortunate or unfortunate backgrounds, and they may or may not have felt isolated during this period.

One thing is for sure: we are not simply some “rich export” or “form of income” to universities. We are people, believe or not, and soon the effects of the lack of international students at universities will hit hard - unless something is done about it.

Yours truly, Yeganeh Soltanpour Your International Student officer…for the time being.

With universities cutting budgets in all directions, including the funding of the International Student Support services and many other essential services, students cannot help but wonder whether they can remain where they are not respected. In a time where entry requirements for degrees are being scrapped for domestic students’ entry into programs, international students are being turned away because universities simply assume there wouldn’t be any “demand” and therefore, cut our spots short.

So yes, as I was saying, there were many events provided over the summer break that made the Adelaide summer pleasant. International stu-

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Sex and the (Small) City

WORDS BY emelia kaskey

Love me me sweet, sweet, love love Love me Tinder?

Tinder? me

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As a chronically single 20-something with a string of failed relationships, I’m not exactly qualified to launch a dating column. I certainly do not have the budget of pop culture icon and star of Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw, whose downtown Manhattan apartment is these days completely unaffordable, even for the most successful journalists.

However, after experiencing the sheer horror of trying to date in a city where there is never more than two degrees of separation between strangers, I have a bone to pick.

assume that having their car in one of their profile pics is a character trait. I’m trying to date you, not your 2006 Honda Jazz.

Some other offenders include group photos where it’s a guessing game to who owns the profile (usually the most unattractive one), anyone in a band, the quote “Here for a good time, not a long time”, straight couples scouring lesbian Tinder for a threesome, and anyone with “Not looking for anything serious” in their bio. Battle-scarred, I am a woman of little hope.

There are no rules to dating, but there are certainly guidelines – and occasional facts. Like how the best after experiencing the sex you will ever have will always sheer horror of trying be with a man who doesn’t own a to date in a city where bedframe. Or how the only STI more there is never more than common than herpes is committwo degrees of separament issues. Some things you just have to learn through practice – like tion between strangers, I never date a man without a bedhave a bone to pick.” frame. It’s a rough ride.

There have been a copious numAs a modern woman, I’ve adapted ber of articles about whether online to the climate of online dating by dating has killed real love, whether downloading the apps, being trauthat’s millennials’ faults, and how we matised by the people on there, can find a connection in a world of deleting the apps, and then redown- casual sex – but that blames techloading them in a fit of romantic nology far too much. With all this desperation. There seems to be a conflicting advice, I couldn’t help but wide variety of men on Tinder who wonder… if romance is dead, is it

“

Tinder’s fault or our own?

Case study one - my last Tinder date was with Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome, a 20-year-old man in an open relationship not advertised on his bio. Needless to say, I was somewhat hesitant about meeting him as open relationships tend to be a way for ‘woke’ people to cheat without feeling guilt. But I was pleasantly surprised.

He was bright, funny, held down a full-time job and seemed pleased with his current relationship. So why did he need to look outside of it? He suggested that it served to soothe the hardships of a long-distance relationship, as his comings and goings interstate made things difficult. That, and his want to sleep around. I asked him, Why stay on the hellscape that is Tinder when you don’t have to? He couldn’t answer that question. He was open to getting coffee with me the morning after, but not for too long. The taboo around open relationships meant he didn’t want to bump into someone he knew and have to explain himself…

get it. If you want a nice candlelit dinner to Enya’s “Orinoco Flow”, you better let your prospective date know that’s the standard. Though it may be a little easier finding casual sex online, don’t let your boundaries down either - tell them what you enjoy.

No one needs another bad hook-up horror story. Romance isn’t dead; it’s waiting for you to unmatch with the guy who wants to do it on the futon at his Mum’s house.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, him and his partner broke up not long after, for reasons outside of being open. As for me? I think I’ll be taking a break from Tinder. At least until cuffing season

My lack of real romance notwithstanding, I do have friends who (shockingly) have met their current partner on a dating app and have gone on to have fairly normal relationships. So online love is working out for some people. But what about the rest of us? My only advice would be: Set Good Boundaries. When we become acclimatised to the endless profile swiping, we also become looser with our standards. If you aren’t clear about what you want, you won’t 25 25

WORDS BY LAKEISHA WATKINS

Things I Wish I Knew in First Year

The first year of university is a great time of change. For many students, they're going from high school to university and finally experiencing true adulthood. But it can also be filled with a few regrets when it's over. Here are some things I wish I knew in my first year that could help those of you starting university.

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1. Socialising is important I spent a majority of my first year going to uni then going home. I met some cool people, only to not reach out to them after classes finished. By the time I got to second year (and when COVID hit) I realised just how lonely I was. Making friends came easy to me when I finally put the effort in. Chances are the people studying the same degree as you have very similar interests. Try reaching out to them. Socialising makes uni more enjoyable and can give you great support networks during tougher times.

2. Events can be great Sometimes class and work get in the way of going to events. Or sometimes you just don’t feel like going. That’s all valid—but please go to a few if you can.

Events can be a blast and are great for meeting new people and making connections. The best thing is that if they suck, you can just leave. It’s also a great way to get free stuff, including food and drinks.

3. Ditch the old high school classmates Ditch those high school classmates you

don’t even like that much. They’re not worth it. Uni is the best time to escape that hellscape that was your high school life. Sure, you might have a few friends from back in high school that you’re close with, and by all means stick with them!

But please, don’t drag yourself around with those people you only talked to at high school because you had class with them every day.

It’s time to move on and find people who are considerate to you and make you feel better about yourself (besides, those high school peeps will probably ditch you a few weeks in).

4. Don’t get too down about your grades Don’t stress about those grades not being the best in the class. You’ve just started university; academic standards are different to what you’re used to. Take this as a time to focus on learning and adjusting.

Need extra help? Make the most of the services available. The Writing Centre and the Maths Learning Centre have amazing staff who can help you. If you’re really struggling and feel as though you can’t make it get help. There’s no shame in it.

Reach out to your teachers and the support services available.

5. Take extra care in dressing for the weather Wearing the wrong type of clothes during specific weather can ruin your day. The last thing you want

is to shiver through your classes because you decided to not wear a jacket. Same goes for hot weather. Sometimes you’ll get to uni and realise that 24°C is a lot warmer than you thought it was. Check the weather before you leave the house and then decide what to wear.

During winter you will need an umbrella. Getting caught in the rain is no fun and rather humiliating if you have to catch public transport.

Your first year is going to teach you a lot about survival against the elements.

6. Avoid the vending machines Yes, they’re convenient. But they charge too much. If you’re on North Terrace, and have the time, head to Rundle Mall and save yourself the extra few dollars. Or even better, bring stuff from home (or buy that food/drink in advance if you can resist consuming it before you get to campus).

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Researchers fight fake news using one weird trick... how do we respond to the attack on truth?

It is hardly a shock to anyone that we are living in an era of misinformation, disinformation, and fake news. Whether it be misrepresented facts, misleading statistics or entirely fabricated stories, our desire to be well-informed and educated is constantly challenged. So, the question is raised: how do we respond to this attack on truth? (As vague of a concept that seems to be now.)

for more information on the mysterious Coronavirus and desperately shared whatever we could find via social media, the issue of misinformation was raised again… and this time, lives were at stake. As such, a team of researchers conducted a study (don’t worry, I’ll reference below) which identified a relatively simple and humble method to combating misinformation: asking social media users questions before There are no clear-cut solutions. Evthey post. Specifically, how factually ery option has its flaws, and probably accurate they would rate the content raises more questions than it offers they are about to share. This study answers. For example, let us say we found that by simply asking people put restrictions on what content can to consider the accuracy of a headbe shared online. Are we suggestline before posting, they were up to ing that all content be verified by 2.8 times more likely to choose true fact-checkers first? Who would hire (as opposed to false) headlines, than these fact-checkers, and thus how do those who were not asked before we avoid corruption? Furthermore, posting. how would these restrictions manage the grey area of expressing an From a psychological standpoint, opinion online, as opposed to sharthese findings are explained by the ing information? This would become switch in information-processing particularly complex in matters of this method enforces. By asking politics and social justice, not to people to reflect, you encourage mention religion. Even if all of this is them to engage in systematic prodone well, how do we address the cessing (essentially more thoughtful, inevitable accusations of censorship? evidence-based thinking). Without If we regulate the online space, it will this, generally (unless motivated or arguably rid the medium of its main educated in the topic) humans will draw – the freedom and accessibility engage in heuristic processing, which for all individuals to share and interusually results in quick judgements act with large audiences. So, what being made based on emotion or other choices do we have? preconceived ideas about a topic (a big player in cognitive biases).

Well, last year, as we all scrambled 28

“

None of this is to say that the method would completely prevent the spread of misinformation. In fact, those dogmatically convinced of their views, and / or deeply invested in conspiracy theories– QAnon being a notable mention – would probably be unfazed by it. However, given it seems that only the most drastic measures (as described earlier) would stifle such individuals, and inevitably every other internet user along with them, maybe this offers us a hopeful beginning – an option that could believably be embraced by the social media giants and reap at least some of the benefits of the proposed “regulated internet”.

Additionally, it addresses the issue of censorship and still gives users a sense of power and autonomy over what they post and how they contribute to the state of the online world.

Not to mention it carefully avoids antagonising either side of the political spectrum, given the accuracy question would be prompted before every post.

It seems fitting that by asking questions, we avoid misinformation. The more you ask, the more you learn, the more you know. Maybe that constant, friendly little nudge on social media to consider accuracy will be the reminder we all need in everyday life, to keep being curious and to keep looking for the truth.

WORDS BY grace atta

by asking questions, we avoid misinformation.

The more you ask, the more you learn, the more you know.”

(As promised, the study reference: Pennycook, G, Mcphetres, J, Zhang, Y, Lu, JG & Rand, DG 2020, ‘Fighting COVID-19 Misinformation on Social Media: Experimental Evidence for a Scalable Accuracy-Nudge Intervention’, Psychological Science, vol.

31, no. 7, pp. 770–780).

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Transparency? Yes, please: Why we need an independent judiciary for student politics Student Politics (Stupol for short) has many problems. One of the more subtle, but no less shocking, structural flaws is the complete lack of any separation of powers in student-run organisations.

The separation of powers into the legislative, executive and judicial branches of government is a cornerstone of modern democracy, yet it is strangely absent at a university level.

WORDS BY felix eldridge

This is a problem because the validity of decisions made by student bodies are reviewable, in effect, only by the bodies that draft them. Secondly, this means that the power of these bodies can be abused by those that control them. The logical solution to this is the establishment of a separate body, empowered to define words, phrases and clauses, as well as adjudicate over disputes, that is politically independent of student government.

To address the first issue: The Student Representative Council (SRC) and Adelaide University Union (AUU) Board both administer their own rules internally, subject to their respective constitutions. As part of this, a majority vote is all that determines the interpretation of policies and the removal of members for misconduct.

For example, if a motion was challenged on grounds of being unconstitutional, it would only require a simple majority of those bodies to vote to clarify or uphold the meaning.

If a state / federal government law or a ministerial order was challenged, it would go to a separate body unconnected with the decision maker for review; a body that has no vested interest in the matter and thus will make a truly independent finding. Here, the AUU and SRC are the

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decision makers and have their own political agendas to advance. If they initially vote to pass a motion, why would they then invalidate it on grounds of unconstitutionality if they themselves stand to benefit from its passage? Even the Australian Parliament, the highest lawmaking body in the country, cannot simply vote to give itself additional powers that they are not constitutionally entitled to. So, why should the AUU and SRC be allowed to? If the majority vote of the SRC or the AUU determines what is “constitutionally” correct, then there is every possibility - in fact every incentive - for actions that are blatantly unconstitutional to be validated retrospectively, and the blame washed away in legalistic absolution.

Having words, phrases and clauses determined by the same bodies that pass them means they can be twisted beyond their intended meaning to suit the governing majority at the time. The accepted definitions about the “notice period” of meetings, the status of “non-voting members” and the term “misconduct”, have previously been contentious issues that have divided the AUU and SRC along partisan lines, as both sides jockey for their preferred interpretation. Having the correct decision being made on the basis of politics and convenience is not a desirable trait in any organisation, let alone a representative body. Having an indepen-

dent, specialist body address these conflicts would ensure that one rational and consistent definition is applied, as would happen in a court of law.

The second issue pertains to the potential abuse of power to remove elected members from their positions.

In 2020, there were three members of the AUU Board who were removed for “misconduct”. What is interesting is that all three came from political factions that opposed the majority bloc of their respective governing bodies, and their removal has conveniently suppressed opposition to the majority factions. Regardless of whether it was done with less than proper intentions or not, the fact remains that this is a politically-driven body responsible for handling the removal of its elected members, including its enemies. This is a textbook example of a “tyranny of the majority”. Moreover, as easily as members could contort the standing orders to procure a conviction, they can manipulate them to force an acquittal.

So, what would an independent judicial body look like? Well, I envision it would look very similar to the current AUU Election Tribunal. This tribunal is made up of three lawyers and law academics; it has the final say on all electoral rule interpretations and hears appeals for voting recounts and candidate disqualifications during student elections. Having such a body address these matters will ensure these issues are resolved independently and with the skill and professionalism that these experienced members will provide.

Now, there are some legitimate issues with implementing such changes. Undoubtedly, student representatives will begrudge losing some of their power to define certain terms, and express annoyance at how long a turnover from the tribunal might take. In the case of the constitution, a lot of thought, at least theoretically, should go into considering the meaning of these terms anyway, time that can be afforded to this tribunal to provide just interpretations. Regarding rules and motions, an invalidly passed or exercised rule / motion can simply be amended at the next meeting. As for removing representatives for

misconduct, the delegation of judgement to an independent panel already exists for student media, and this model could easily be applied to student representation.

Representatives may also believe that this would strip away power from students and award it to unelected officials. To an extent this is true, but we as students already entrust the sanctity of elections to these people without question or complaint. We also allow staff to administer day-to-day technical management of the AUU including preparing its financial statements, outlining its marketing, events and student care objectives, and more. Interpreting a few phrases and handling a few misconduct inquiries should be classed as a technical or legal issue, not a matter of public policy.

Others may claim that the University Council should retain its role as a final place of appeal regarding AUU matters.

While the Council is independent of the AUU, it is not a body of legal experts, nor does it meet at a frequency that would be required to handle interpretation issues.

Finally, it can be argued that since its implementation would likely require the Constitution to be amended, going to a referendum would be a waste of everyone’s time. However, this document has been successfully changed before where it has failed to live up to students’ expectations and can be reviewed again by students today. A judicial body would promote transparency, accountability and efficiency for the organisations that represent us as students. No one but the most opportunistic and cynical would argue this is not an ideal worth fighting for, and we have the power to do just that.

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Being a Young Carer A young carer is a person under the age of 25 who provides unpaid care for someone. Parents, grandparents, siblings and other relatives are the most common recipients. The care they provide could be physical, for injuries or disability, or it could be emotional, for trauma or domestic instability. Being a young carer could be anything from taking on a parental role for younger siblings to being a full-time carer for an injured or disabled parent. This piece is not about what defines them;. this is about my experiences as one starting at the age of 12 to now 21 years old. My hope is that maybe -just maybe - this could give you some kind of insight into the mind of someone who has sacrificed everything for a loved one who needs it... And for other young carers, I want to show you that you are not alone.

WORDS BY carey taylor

Before I was born, my mother was diagnosed with a neurological disease called Multiple Sclerosis (MS). MS damages communication between the brain and the nerves, resulting in the decline and eventual loss of motor functions. I became my mother’s main carer in 2012 after we moved to Adelaide and my father started working away from home and interstate. Before this time she required very little care, but after moving to the hotter climate of Adelaide, her decline steadily increased. Although my father became her main carer in 2016, I have carried so much of that weight through my life 32

into the present.

Since my father worked away from home for my first four years of high school, I was Mum’s main carer for the majority of the time. Thankfully, this meant we did not struggle financially, something which I know continues to be a major issue for many young carers, and something I cannot even imagine the difficulty of. So, during the time that I was her main carer, I was the proverbial ‘man of the house.’ I got home from school at 4:30pm, cooked dinner, washed the dishes, did any awaiting laundry and generally helped Mum if she needed it. At that stage she relied on walking sticks, frames and a mobility scooter for independence, yet she often needed help getting in and out of chairs.

At night, she would often go to bed about midnight, which saw me staying up in case she needed any help with getting to bed. As a result, I often didn’t sleep until two or three in the morning because of homework that I couldn’t focus on whilst Mum was awake. I would often go to school on less than four hours of sleep due to an hour-long bus trip each morning.

I’m now 21 years old and I’m still a carer for my mother. Except my father and I now receive a lot of assistance from the NDIS. Physically, I suffer from persistent back and knee pain due to constantly lifting Mum from a young age. I wasn’t very strong, so I relied a lot on my back

and knees to lift her. While I do have these issues, my deepest scars are emotional and mental. I could tell any number of stories here to illustrate this, but I just want to ask you to imagine something. Think back to when you were in high school.

What was the first thing you thought about when you got home each day?

Watching TV? Playing with pets?

Reading a book? Messaging friends?

Got it in your head? Well, mine was fear. A constant fear of opening the door and finding Mum on the floor having slipped and split open her head on the tiles. Every day. For almost four years. Imagine what that would feel like to you, and then forget it. Because it’s a feeling I would never wish on anyone.

At school, teachers often said I was mature for my age. In time, my classmates started to say the same. My role as a carer forced me to grow up more quickly than my peers and friends. Independence, time management, reliability. All these skills I learned out of necessity at an age where everyone else’s concerns were of their prestige level on Call of Duty.

That feeling of isolation spans into the present day, where I struggle relating to people my own age... which has made university a special kind of hell.

That’s for sure.

There is so much more I could say, and so many more stories I could tell.

But I want to make something clear.

I’m not searching for sympathy or pity. I’ve gotten enough of that over the years. I’m sharing my experience

to give you as much insight as possible. To help you understand, on some level, what being a young carer is like, because what a lot of young carers want the most is to be understood.

For others to understand why we sometimes think and act differently than others our age. That, like everyone, our experiences have shaped us.

It’s because our experiences are often so different that we feel isolated and out of place, and we want that to be understood more than anything! And to any young carers reading, please understand that you are not alone!

Please remember that there are people who understand why you think and feel the way you do! So please, if you’re hurting reach out. Reach out to me if you want, there will be an email address here at the bottom or find me on Facebook. I understand the reality of being a young carer and I don’t want anyone else to feel like no one could possibly understand.

Let me prove to you that you’re not alone.

careyt13@gmail.com a1721125@student.adelaide.edu.au

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2020: 2020: The The Year Year of of the the Lost Lost Bangers Bangers

WORDS BY matt bell

It’s time we lodge our insurance claims and pay our excess to write off the music of 2020

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Can you think of a time when you didn’t need a good banger in your life? We’ve sung songs that remind us of the good times, and songs that remind us of better times; ones that remind us of who the Bad Guy is, and ones that remind us to be Humble. Heck, many of us probably used music to help get through last year.

2020 impacted all of us in some shape or form, but especially those in the visual and creative arts. While we were lucky that we were able to sneak in the Fringe, the very necessary social distancing and COVID restrictions ultimately hit the sector hard. However, there was one thing I was hoping 2020 would address, and that’s the general decline in genuine bangers – orig-

inal tracks that you want to come back to again and again, and again.

It might be a sign that I’m hitting my mid-life crisis about 30 years too early, but I’ve been lamenting what I argue has been a downturn in the music of the past few years – something evident in the fact that covers of covers and remixes of remixes now cut it as chart toppers. Teddy Cream’s cover of Daryl Braithwaite’s The Horses, I’m looking at you…

I thought 2020 and all that it brought with it – lockdowns, separation, distance, and the slower pace of life – would have been the catalyst for some of the greatest music we’d ever seen, perfect for a powerful and

emotive songstress like Billie Eilish to reflect on those feelings we were all going through during the midst of uncertainty.

And sure, while it’s going to be a while before we see packed dancefloors full of sweaty people shoulder to shoulder at 2am on a Sunday morning, we all need a decent banger to get us through that workout or gym sesh.

Unfortunately, it looks like 2020 has maintained the status quo, if not pushed us further into the depths of a genuine banger drought.

Don’t believe me? The fact that Timmy Trumpet – a global top 10 DJ, no less – managed to bring a classic Vengaboys track (Up & Down) into 2020 by adding a bit of cowbell to it sums it up pretty clearly.

Or what about the fact that Glass Animals’ Heat Wave, a song which might have just cracked the top 10 in Triple J’s Hottest 100 in previous years, went sailing into number 1? I might have lost half my readers by saying that, but it had to be said…

There could well be a few reasons why we’re seeing this shortage of bangers ripe for our listening pleasure, not least the impact that COVID has had on our ability to be creative. I don’t know about you, but I found it tough going in March, April and May of last year to really deliver my best work as the world around us seemed to get smaller and smaller.

And there may well be some substance to this thought – a recent article in the Harvard Business Review identified that social distancing has had the impact of making our daily routines more mundane and predictable, thereby limiting our exposure to new experiences that help us be creative.

harness negative emotions and engage in an expressive outlet, both which should be good catalysts for producing a banger. So, we might need to look elsewhere to find our reason for missing some quality tunes.

Could it instead be that the COVID restrictions on travel and large gatherings have turned the focus of artists away from performing their music towards other ways of sustaining their livelihoods? For emerging artists, this seems very plausible – after all, we all need to eat something and not performing your music isn’t going to pay the bills. However, for those who have been fortunate enough to make music their career, they’re going to have the reach, connections and streaming clout to still get their music out there and heard (and therefore bring in the cashola…). So close here too, but no cigar.

I could well just be a bit hasty to expect quality tunes this soon after a global shock to our psyches. When we look back to the tough years of The Depression in the 1930s, followed by the devastation of the Second World War in the following decade, it wasn’t until the emergence of Rock ‘n’ Roll in the 50s that we saw creativity and individuality in expression really come alive. As a result, it could take the music industry a little while again for it to find its feet and ink a new chapter in the history book of great bangers.

My grumpiness that we’re entering into a prolonged banger drought in 2021 and beyond could well prove to be premature, and hopefully for the sake of all our eardrums that is the case. But right now, I think it’s only fair to music lovers far and wide that we declare 2020 as the year of the lost bangers.

However, the same article also noted two strategies to help maintain creativity are to

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Why WhyBiden BidenWon Won

WORDS BY Stasi Kapetanos

Last year, in my team’s mock-up edition of On Dit for the student media elections, I wrote an article predicting Donald Trump would win re-election. Luckily for most of us, I was wrong and both elections came out with the lesser evil on top (at least that’s what we all hope).

After this public display of political miscalculation that everyone except for me has forgotten, I can’t help but feel like an open post-mortem is the only way for me to live this down.

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Now, as then, both Trump and Biden are still ridiculous, horrible people.

Still, it’s easy to feel a sense of relief now that Trump is gone, though it’s hard to tell whether this is because he is out of office or banned from Twitter (probably the latter in my opinion). This sense of relief was a significant part of what Biden ran on and why people voted for him. Probably the most coherent explanation of why anyone would have thought he is fit for office. It’s almost as if he’s brought things back to normal, the same normal that brought four years of Trump to begin with.

Quite clearly, Trump lost because he effed it up on the coronavirus and, as the election approached, he only fumbled that nuclear football harder. Despite winning seven million more votes than Trump’s impressive 74 million, Biden won the electoral college - where the election is really decided - by the skin of his teeth,

with less than 1.5 percent margins in several states without which he would not be President. Some of them were in places where Obama won with over 5% margins, despite being a black man in a deeply racist country following an economic crisis, and, to top it off, against an opponent who seemed a bit more credible than Donald Trump.

Even Biden’s crown jewels of Arizona and Georgia, which Obama never won, are hardly that impressive considering Obama’s rivals’ connections to the region of the former, and the latter’s inclusion of the Confederate symbol on their flag until 2003 in the case of the latter (making the state presumably less amenable to the 1st black president) , plus Bill Clinton’s victories in both.

Speaking of Clintons, even Hillary was able to help the Democrats make gains in the American House Representatives when she lost in 2016, whereas this time, despite all the odds, the Republicans gained fifteen seats, bringing the Democrats down to a four-seat majority. After their opponents ran the country so badly, especially in the last year, Biden’s and the Democrats’ victory seems not just close but also pyrrhic.

It’s not too hard to imagine a world where Trump took this virus a little bit more seriously, acted like a normal person, and at least presented

Above left, my prediction map. Above right, what really happened. an image of trying to deal with the crisis, leading him to win re-election.

Funny thing about this is that Biden won an equal number of electors to Trump from the 2016 election with a far higher percentage of the vote - much democracy, hey. No coincidence that the Democrats are traditionally the party of non-whites and the working-class.

stubborn personality and the extreme hyper-capitalist ideology that stains American society like spunk on a lost sock.

Instead of going down the path of minimally competent corporate shills across the world, Trump and the Republicans preferred fighting lockdowns and mask-wearing rather than fighting unemployment and wage stagnation via programs like Still, for whatever reason Trump did JobKeeper and JobSeeker. Though, the things he did and copped an L for it. People often remark he was too looking at Biden’s and the Democrats’ potential backtracking on the $2000 much of an idiot or too proud and dollar stimulus cheques needed to boastful to do anything about the vifight the pandemic, while making sure rus, while others suggest it’s because people have the resources to survive, he’s a Republican in the 21st-century, which means being in a political party it seems as though the improvement is minimal. Four years from now, the that represents a creepy caricature of CIA propaganda and big business Democrats better hope people readvertising campaigns brought to life. member Trump’s supporters’ weird They almost all reject the role of the march on Capitol Hill and not his role state to manage capitalist society with in guaranteeing the stimulus they the exceptions of war, brutalization seem to be watering down and deof civilians by the police, and conlaying. Otherwise, “back to normal” trolling women’s bodies. In this regard, will have been all for nothing if Trump Trump is almost a moderate with his is back in office with Kanye West or something. reluctance towards armed conflict overseas and support for some stimulus spending. Overall, the COVIDiocy was probably a mix of Trump’s 37

My name is Bisma Changez, and I am the elected SRC Social Justice Officer for 2021.

Many of you will have by now heard of the attack at the Funtea cafe in Chinatown earlier in February. I am absolutely torn to see such an absurd incident take place, and see the social injustice play out in front of us. As an immigrant myself, as well as having family, friends and relatives as migrants, coming to an unknown country to make a future and work there to make a living, it is exhausting, and emotionally and physically draining to see such disgusting, heartbreaking behaviour.

“

Before you grasp the idea of your basic rights, you grasp the idea I want students to to work and make as much or as contact me if they little money as you can to live in a believe their rights are foreign country. What happened shows how international students being hurt, whether it is are exploited and violated for ask- by their employer or at ing for the money that they have university.” earned.

Words by Bisma Changez

A Message from our SRC Social Justice Officer

ATTACK At Funtea

As the Social Justice officer, I want students to contact me if they believe their rights are being hurt, whether it is by their employer or at university. My role is to protect the autonomy of students that face hardship and discrimination, and I am available for any students that want to speak about this matter, or their personal experience with financial injustice or injustice at a working area. We want to make sure that international students are able to exercise their right to be equal to all other members of the Australian community. Furthermore, I’ll be staying alert on this matter with the other SRC members. I will make sure that no one goes unheard as my help and my time is devoted to our students.

Therefore, the Student Representative Council will stand up for our students at any given point in time!

Thank you, Bisma

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Why you should give a shit about student politics I too once thought student politics was a joke; a swamp for careerist hacks to master the arts of manipulation, virtue signalling, and Dorothy Dixers. I too thought the only thing more pathetic than being in stupol was following it with the pathological obsession of a student magazine editor. But to paraphrase the words of a wise man, when the abyss Tweets long enough at you, eventually you’ll Tweet back. I spent a year covering stupol for On Dit so you don’t have to, and I’ve come to this conclusion: it matters much more than you probably think.

WORDS BY iavn bucalo

Student politics at Adelaide University works like this: the Adelaide University Union (AUU), which publishes this magazine, is run by a Board comprised of ten student Directors elected by you, the students (for reasons of political hackery, that number currently sits at eight). The Board can’t do anything it wants, but importantly, it does:

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•

approve the AUU’s budget (for things like events, Student Care, and other student services), • send delegates to important committees, like Clubs Committee, which approves new clubs, and Student Media Committee, which governs how On Dit and Student Radio are run, • communicate the concerns of students up to management and vice versa,

• and give funding and affiliation to the Student Representative Council.

Contrary to general opinion, who you vote for, whether it’s on the left, right, or neither, genuinely affects your uni experience in a material way.

For example, if you want to know why we don’t have a Women’s Collective advocacy and welfare group with access to the same financial resources as every other club, perhaps look at who the ruling faction, Progress, is in cahoots with (Answer: Connect, a ticket spearheaded by the Young Liberals). But also consider that the Women’s Collective Executive is filled with a lot of people from the Labor ranks (doing notoriously Laborish things such as raising funds for birthing kits, running a fundraising op-shop for charities, and advocating against violence toward women). How about that, huh?

If you want to know why the AUU is legally prohibited from affiliating with the National Union of Students, the most powerful body for student representation in Australia, consider the implications of having a self-described “apolitical” party, Progress, in charge.

If you want to know why the SRC, a political body fighting for students’

interests, hasn’t done a whole lot of activism in the last year, refusing to endorse climate strikes and campaigns against fee hikes for law, commerce, and the humanities – well, see above, and take an educated guess.

A lot of people also don’t know that much of the Student Services Amenities Fee (SSAF) you pay annually actually goes to the union (about 35%), including paying the SRC President and AUU President an annual salary of approximately $30’000 to do their jobs.

But any given time, if you ask an average student what the words Unite, Connect, or Progress mean to them, they might shrug their shoulders and comment that they seem like three different ways of saying roughly the same thing. Nowhere can you find a list of their faction’s policies except around election week when they mysteriously appear thrust into your hands. Once a year, you are flagged down like a car speeding down the highway by someone praying you might have a pair of jumper cables, asked if you’ve voted, and that’s pretty much the end of it.

See you in twelve months!

Before I get accused of being a salty, left-wing sook, let me put aside my convictions and say that what you should all be mad about – regardless of your politics – is that you are not being treated as an intelligent voter.

Surely student politics can be more engaging, more lively, and more helpful to you as a student than this?

Without further ado, here are my five

recommendations about how we can make student politics work better. They could all be implemented overnight and the positive effects would be felt immediately.

1. Attend more AUU Board and SRC meetings. Be honest – unless your friend dragged you along, or you had a vested interest, you probably haven’t been to a student representative meeting. On one hand, the conduct of meetings has often resembled the dinner table screeds of Married At First Sight, with bickering and finger-pointing taking the place of prepared debate. On the other, remember that some of the representatives will be our future political leaders, and I doubt they would act this way if there were more scrutinizing eyes on them.

Board meeting times are listed on the AUU website under “Meet Your Reps – Meetings”. SRC meeting times are found in the “About” section of their Facebook page. Regardless, the times should be better and more actively advertised. Make an effort to go to at least one meeting sometime this year, and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

2. Roll back the in camera power.

Get this: the AUU President is allowed, whenever they want, to make part of a meeting totally secret to the public.

Understandable if it’s sensitive financial data; not so much if it’s about the reasons for removing Board Directors, the future of the Roseworthy rural campus’ crucial facilities, or changes in rules to remove the Board (yes, these all happened last year). Tighten the rules about what is allowed to be moved in 4141

camera so we have a more transparent Union. Currently, anything that is likely to bring the AUU into “disrepute” is fair game - but are we talking about disrepute to the AUU staff, or the elected Board?

3. Make referendums a normal thing.

Did you know that if you present a petition signed by 1% of students to the AUU, they actually need to put the related question to a student-wide vote?

Just like in any shareholder organization, you have the power to steer its course in the right direction.

Instead of countless student consultations and meetings through which nothing is guaranteed, let’s take advantage of the fact we are a small, tight-knit community, to effect change where it counts. Direct democracy is a mostly untested idea – why not give it a go at the one institution where challenging and untested ideas should be experimented with? Perhaps even by putting the role of Vice-Chancellor to a vote?

4. Keep an easy-to-navigate data-

base of all resolutions and motions.

I give credit to SRC Education Officer, Felix Eldridge, for this brilliant idea.

Instead of relying on hearsay and trawling meeting papers for what actually happened, keep them in an easy, user-friendly digital database anyone can access. This will ensure a higher standard of accountability.

5. Follow us on Twitter @OnDit-

Magazine. My apologies for the very shameless, very cringe plug for the On Dit Twitter. We do cover stupol meet42

ings and other FUN stuff, and try not to make it too boring. You’ll get all the juicy bits, plus hear important announcements before anyone else does.

In summary, we get the political leaders we deserve. Whether it’s in Canberra or in the sleepy hollow of Adelaide University, apathy is the virus which cripples good representation. Make it your civil duty to become a little bit more aware of what goes on in student politics, and keep your hacks – I mean, student representatives, held accountable.

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Dear Dear Scotty, Scotty, revolutions revolutions are are here here to to stay stay The French Revolution of 1789, as illustrated by that imperialist tome, the Encyclopedia Britannica, was supposedly caused by the following: (1) the wealthy middle class wanting political power; (2) the poor becoming aware of how poor they were; (3) the widespread dissemination of news; (4) wars bankrupting the government; (5) a population explosion leading to food shortages; and (6) monarchs saying things like, “Let them eat cake!”

WORDS BY JIALUN QI

Guillotines, for a few years, were the Tesla stock of revolutionary France, and Napoleon Bonaparte, the Elon Musk of taking-advantage-of-chaos-to-profit-himself.

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As detailed in the famed historical documentary, Les Misérables, it took an extraordinary level of everything-sucks for a country to simultaneously hold a revolution and fight off a coalition of European powers.

Continental France did not even have the perk of being able to keep their pre-revolution slaves, like the Americans did.

However, like CDs and Nickelback, the instigators of the revolution from that period have become obsolete in our day and age: 1. The wealthy middle class have replaced feudal lords. They are called Members of Parliament now.

2. Thanks to the Americanised idea

3.

4.

5.

6.

of “Anyone can be rich if they work hard”, poverty has gained traction not as a societal ill, but as an individualized, transient state from which apparently anyone can escape by pulling on their bootstraps.

We now choose the news we want to see, the way we want to see it, thanks to algorithms and profit-motivated news media. If you are a dog person, you will no longer run into cats. This is good for dog-lovers, but bad for the All Pets Matter movement.

The privatization of war and its distance from our daily routine means that, nowadays, we can invade Iraq and enjoy a bullish market.

Real progress has been made to improve global food security.

According to the UN, the proportion of undernourished people in the world has declined from 15% in 2000-2004 to 8.9% in 2019, though the pandemic has led to a recent uptick. Thanks, GMOs. With the help of Public Relations, everyone can appear sympathetic. Gaffs like “Mexicans are rapists”, or “The colonists had it tough too”, slip through the PRnet now and then, but thanks to Daddy Donald, we have learned that one can get away with saying whatever one wants, as long as it appeals to those who support them.

The question is: with the historical causes for revolution alleviated, why were there so many protests last year (and this year)? Why are we still unhappy, when we are fed, mostly employed, sampling memes, not getting conscripted, and laughing at the antics of Scotty from Marketing 2: Hawaiian Boogaloo?

Well, we can either blame it all on the pandemic, or try a more original hypothesis: The French revolutionaries fought for basic representation and food on the table; we now fight for better representation and better food on the table.

“I’ve a right to live” has become “I’ve a right to live the way I want.”

In 2021, thanks to the labour of the giants upon whose shoulders we stand, legislation guaranteeing basic human rights and self-determination are largely taken for granted. The revolution now centres around how they are enforced.

Let’s say you’re a kid, and your dad tells you, “You can’t cheat, cheating is bad,” but then you find out that your dad doesn’t pay his taxes, and when you confront him about it, he teargasses you and puts a knee on your neck.

Let’s say you and your dad agree on some house rules – “Vacuum your own room; no dubstep after 10pm; an independent judiciary” – but then you find out he’s hired a cleaner only for himself, has a soundproof studio in the basement, and yells “THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITY!” every time a judge

doesn’t do as he says.

Let’s say you’ve just won an argument against your dad, and instead of gracefully conceding, he storms into your room in a Viking cosplay, smashes up your LEGO® Millennium Falcon, dumps your Attack on Titan manga collection out the window, beats you with a spatula, and yells, “WHO’S WINNING NOW, SON?!”

If none of the above enrages you, then congratulations – you’re the dad.

The point is, no matter whose house we live in, our grievances all stem from seeing our hard-won rights disrespected by those we had trusted to enforce them. This is – and always will be – a valid reason for protest, regardless of our wealth, geographical location, immigration status, or access to food.

There are those who scoff at the idea that people would want to start a revolution even when not starving to death. They phrase it circuitously, like: “There’s no need to import things happening in other countries here to Australia.”

When you hear that bullshit, make sure to step up and say, “I’ll determine for myself what I need or need not do, thank you very much.”

And when Papa Scotty gets indignant, make sure to mime smoking a cigarette and say, “C’est la vie. This is what it looks like to take a stand.”

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Peter Peter Høj Høj is is not not the the sickness sickness -- he he is is a a symptom symptom As you’re aware by now, the University of Adelaide has a new Vice-Chancellor.

Despite the obvious controversy that surrounds the man, my focus today extends beyond, and I wish to consider and examine the reasons for his appointment, and what that says about the direction our university is heading in, and has been for some time.

WORDS BY nicholas birchall

“SHOW ME THE MONEY” – Jerry Maguire

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Australian Vice-Chancellors are among the highest paid University or higher-education positions in the world, with VCs in Australia averaging annual salaries of around $1 million last year, over $300K more than their counterparts in the US and UK. These salaries are comparable with CEOs of major corporations, and the numbers just keep rising. The key difference? CEOs are often picked for their ability to make money, and for a private company the end goal is make more money. It shouldn’t need to be said, but universities aren’t (or fucking shouldn’t be) solely profit-driven. Universities are institutions of higher-learning.

So, if unis aren’t strictly for-profit businesses, why are we paying Vice-Chancellors as though they are? Well, the sad reality is we’ve been forced into this situation.

For the last 40 odd years, we’ve seen funding stripped from the education sector almost religiously by our governments. From the era of free education enjoyed by mine and some of your parents, today, on average, students owe over $20K by the time they finish

their degrees, and this number only increases for students undergoing longer degrees or post-graduate study.

The current funding model implemented by our government means that more than ever before, universities must look to new streams of income to cover their costs. This involves partnering with dubious third parties like Santos, BAE Systems, the Confucius Institute, and the Ramsay Centre. Beyond that, our universities continue to exploit international students, who in addition to paying upfront, are also hit with fees that end up being 2, 3, or even 4 times the cost of domestic students.

As such, we’ve seen universities transition to models that allow them to turn over students at an increased rate (see Trimesters), as well as increasing the intake of international students.

In essence, what I’m saying is that Universities have begun functioning like businesses out of necessity, and the appointment of a Vice-Chancellor has become equally as important as a CEO’s to help ensure to the financial viability of the organisation.

So then, it was no surprise to myself and many others when the University announced Peter Høj as UofA’s new VC. When he first arrived at the University of Queensland, they were ranked 90th in the world. When he left, they were ranked 54th. Under Høj’s tenure, prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, UQ increased its operating income by around 40%. This was accomplished through a diversification of income. International student numbers doubled under Høj, and UQ entered into partnerships with

with both the Confucius Institute (bankrolled by the Chinese Government), and the Ramsey Centre, a conservative thinktank focused on “promoting the study of the ‘great conservation’ of Western Civilization.”

It was later revealed these partnerships had resulted in dubious actions, such as honorary staff appointments and “undue influence” from private institutions on the construction and teaching of courses.

This effectively removed the autonomy of already employed University academic staff, and these partnerships place a genuine risk on our academic freedom. For example, I’m doubtful a course on Modern Chinese history co-funded by the Confucius institute will mention the regime’s countless human-rights violations against ethnic minorities within China.

The Adelaide University Council no doubt crunched the numbers and saw Høj as a financial benefit to their business. However, as every superfund ad mentions in their postscript, “past performance is not a reliable indicator of future performance.”

With national borders mostly closed for the foreseeable future, and the repatriation of international students to Australia still in question, I am curious as to what Høj’s next move is to ensure the future of Adelaide Uni. Privatization, more often than not, results in profit-driven models, which in turn often lower quality and standards. We see this in our public transport and prison systems, as well as outsourcing of essential services like Centrelink.

In the last year, we once again saw cuts to our University from the federal government (all the while being fed the line, “Education is our future in a post-COVID 19 world”). The price of degrees like Commerce, Arts and Law are set to double in

some cases. While it’s being touted as a move to shift what people are applying for, a recent report by the Sydney Morning Herald titled “Arts courses still popular despite 113 per cent fee hikes” showed it has had a minimal to no effect, and people are still flocking to degrees they are passionate about, not what’s cheaper. On top of this, a reduction in overall funding to the sector means that once again, uni staff are required to teach larger courses with less funding.

In an article I penned last year, I gave a breakdown of the university’s financials post-pandemic, and how, if they chose, would not need to cut stuff in order to account for the budget deficit incurred by said pandemic.

Despite this, universities around the country have laid off hundreds of employees, all while drastically cutting the pay of the remaining staff. This is while their exec continues to take home 6 and 7 figure salaries.

These executive roles should not be paid millions of dollars annually. Our corporate model is profit-focused, and only benefits those at the very top. We will continue to see a deterioration of our quality of education if the government continues failing to properly support universities. While Peter Høj is clearly a step back for our university, he is but a symptom of the disease-ravaged body we call our education sector.

His dubious connections with private industry and controversial regimes pose a serious risk to the independence of our research and academia. His position at the university is no doubt untenable, but as I’ve reiterated time and time again, the entire UofA executive needs a clean-out, and we need to seriously re-evaluate the place of higher education in our society, if we are to start treating it as importantly as we claim to.

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Memoir: Welcome to Taman Desa

WORDS BY ASIRAH abdul kadir

Remember that scene in Lady Bird when she went on a drive around Sacramento and she finally realises how much she actually loves that place after loathing it for almost the entire film? That scene resonates with Asirah, who, much like Lady Bird, was itching to get out of her little bubble and explore the world.

One slight difference between the protagonist and Asirah is that she was already across the pond when it hit her how much she values that tiny corner of the world she called home. Now, that the pandemic has barred her from making her return for the summer, she intends to share with her fellow readers the wonders of her hometown.

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58100 is the postcode, and Taman Desa is the name of the suburb that Asirah and her family moved to when she was seven. They lived in a beige, two-storey semi-detached unit in a quiet neighbourhood – though it was never quiet in a house full of exuberant girls. Her room was on the top floor of the house, connected to her sister’s an en suite bathroom. Her desk was – and still is – located next to the window which gives her an uncomfortable view of the unoccupied room of the house next door. At the back, you can find her father tending to their wild garden and feeding the birds.

Occasionally, they will spot a snake, or a monkey, or a fox sneaking into the backyard, hence why they called

their house a mini zoo – much to her mother’s disapproval.

Moving there at age seven – when every Malaysian child begins their formal schooling – made Taman Desa an important setting in the story of her life. The primary school right around the corner would introduce little Asirah to children of various ethnicities, and financial and religious backgrounds, whom she would call her friends, and some, her best friends to this day. Sekolah Kebangsaan Taman Desa was a rather small school boasting around three-hundred students. It was two three-storey buildings connected by a series of corridors students where students would be48cramped and bunched up between classes. Next to the school was an even smaller field – well, it’s not really a field, but more like a basketball court enclosed by a patch of grass. On that very field is where Asirah would discover that despite being short, she had a knack for high jumping.

Year Three or Four was the first time she ever participated in that event during Sports Day, and she ended up snagging the gold medal. From that day forward, little Asirah would go on to represent her sports houses and don medals of all colours up to her final year of high school.

The memories of Asirah’s teen years seemed to coalesce around SMK man Desa, which was the secondary

Taman Desa, which was the secondary school she attended. It was a stone’s throw away from homea five-minute walk to be exact – and it was located right next to the local mosque. The school was significantly bigger than Sekolah Kebangsaan; the field like it could fit ten of her primary schools. A proper field that was big enough for not only scratch matches, but sports carnivals with hundreds of spectators. It had multiple halls for assembly, a basketball and netball court, science labs, and art rooms. Asirah and her friends used to daydream about going to a private school, but she wouldn’t trade her time in public school for the world. One of the most valuable things that she learnt in secondary school was that people change, and that some friendships exist for the purpose of teaching you a lesson about yourself and life. Most importantly, she learnt that you don’t need to have a large group of friends to enjoy your teen years, as she had made countless core memories with her three best friends.

Behind her school was a commercial area bursting with restaurants, cafes, shops, pharmacies, supermarkets and more. When she thinks about the smells and flavours of Malaysia, her mind summons four special places. The first one is called al-Sarifa which is a Mamak store. Mamak stores are a local icon in Malaysia, which are restaurants that are usually owned by Indian-Muslims operating 24/7. They sell an array of food, from Malaysian classics like satay and roti canai to Western favourites. Asirah and her friends, like many other high schoolers, would frequent

it during their senior year as it was one of the cheaper food options. If you see people crowding (pre-COVID era) around a truck at night that oozes with the smell of grilled meat, that would be the stall where the locals get their Ramli burger fix satisfied – also an icon within the local foodie scene. Next is Jusfruits, which was a green cafe located next to a car workshop. Asirah loves this place in particular because that was where she shared her laughter and poured her heart out with her friends and sister over some waffles. It was also because the ambience of that cafe made her feel as though she lived in a small beach town. Finally, we have Sushi Mentai, which obviously, sells sushi, but what makes this place so near and dear to Asirah was that it was where her and her sister would share secrets and stories with each other after a long week of school and work. How many secrets, struggles, and heartaches were shared here over a plate of sashimi, would be too long to mention.

So, there you have it. Some of the places Asirah would always hold dear in her heart, no matter where she ends up in the world. It took her a while, but she has finally learnt that there is no place like home – no matter how good, bad, or bored of it you become. As a classic Malay saying goes, “Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik di negeri sendiri”, which means that no matter how good another place is, nothing compares to the one we call home.

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WORDS BY will broderick

Bookshelf

MATTHEW REILLY: AN AUSTRALIAN TREASURE In the action-thriller genre of fiction writing, there are certain names that stand out above all others. Names like Tom Clancy, James Patterson, and Lee Child - while these authors are deservedly celebrated, they all have one thing in common: none are Australians.

What readers might not know is that there is an Australian writer who is a standard-bearer for the genre and, in my view, surpasses them by a country mile. That writer is Matthew Reilly.

Reilly’s path to international fame, with nearly eight million copies being sold in twenty countries and translated into twenty languages, was not straightforward. Born in 1974 and raised on Sydney’s North Shore (don’t hold that against him!), he dreamed of directing big-budget action movies. Realising that these movies would require, well, a big budget, he set his sights on the world of novel-writing, where he could, in his words, “create the wildest and biggest action scenes you like and it doesn’t cost you a cent. The only limit is the limit of your imagination!” While studying law at the University of New South Wales, he penned his first novel, Contest, when he was only 19, about a gladiator-style competition run by aliens in the New York Public Library. It was rejected by every major publishing house. This led Reilly to risk self-publishing one thousand copies of Contest and placing them in bookshops around Sydney.

By chance in one of these bookshops, Cate Paterson of Pan Macmillan picked 50

up a copy of Contest and contacted Reilly to sign a two-book deal. Reilly had already started his second novel, Ice Station. This was the first in a series about US Marine Lieutenant Shane Schofield (call-sign: Scarecrow) and became what Reilly called an “instant hit”. It led to many more book deals, starting in the US, UK, and Germany.

The Scarecrow series has since been a bestselling success for Reilly, with Scarecrow and the Army of Thieves becoming the biggest-selling fiction title in Australia in 2011. Reilly also returned to the standalone novel since Contest, with two of my personal favourites being The Tournament and Temple.

The first concerns a chess tournament taking place in Constantinople, capital of the Ottoman Empire, in 1546. Seen mainly through the eyes of a young Princess Elizabeth, later Queen Elizabeth I of England, it combines the highstakes chess of The Queen’s Gambit with the intrigue and bloodiness of Game of Thrones.

Temple, Reilly’s third standalone novel, is ambitious in scope. At seven-hundred pages, it follows William Race, Professor of Linguistics at New York University, as he is pressganged into a US Army-DARPA team to hunt for a lost Incan idol made from a substance that could arm a terrifying new weapon of mass destruction. Race’s role is to translate a manuscript written by the Spanish monk Alberto Santiago during Spain’s 16th-century conquest of the Incas, which recounts the monk’s own mission keeping the idol out of Span-

ish hands. The novel unfurls Godfather II-style, with Santiago’s story having a direct impact on Race’s. With unparalleled action scenes and twists and turns, it is a raw and undulating read that very much echoes the work of one of Reilly’s favourite authors, Michael Crichton. There are also echoes of Indiana Jones. Temple was a sign of things to come for Reilly, heavily influencing what I regard as the crowning achievement to date of his twenty five-year literary career: the Jack West Jr. series.

Starting off with a bang in 2005’s Seven Ancient Wonders, these books follow Jack West Jr., an ex-Australian SAS soldier and archaeological scholar, and his sidekicks as they race against time to prevent earth-shattering calamities. Seven Ancient Wonders, for example, concerns the hunt for the golden capstone of the Great Pyramid of Giza, which has been divided into seven pieces and hidden in the other six wonders. The book was a hit, with The Age’s Simon Clews calling it “a story of such action-packed intensity as to make Raiders of the Lost Ark look like an outing for the Retired Archaeologists Pension Club”, and spawning six sequels, the final of which is being released this year.

part of international and multiethnic teams, putting aside their differences (sometimes easier said than done), for the salvation of humanity. Along with strong female characters, children also play crucial roles in Reilly’s stories.

Arguably, the most important character in Seven Ancient Wonders is Lily, a 10-year-old girl who is one of only two people in the entire world who can read the Word of Thoth, a dead language that guides West’s team to the wonders. Lily’s protection is a paramount objective of the team’s mission, and Reilly creates an unlikely family dynamic between the commandos assigned to protect her and shield her from the violence around her.

These books, unlike many in the genre, become more than the sum of their parts. These little differences, in conjunction with the quality of Reilly’s writing and the symbiosis of history and action, truly make Reilly an Australian treasure and his works worthy of adulation.

Beyond the thrills, it’s the way Reilly subverts the genre that sets him a cut above. Making the US military-industrial complex the villain of many of his novels, he has provided a critique of US imperialism for over twenty years, while also being nuanced enough so as not to tar all Americans with the same brush. Heroes of his books are often 51 51

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reflection

The day I lost my eyesight, he showed up. Same voice, same intonation as me. With one hand I searched the back of his mouth, and with the other my own. “Aaaah.” We both had the same dilated, regrown gum where our wisdom teeth should be. Continuing, I surveyed the rest of his face. Rubber in place of eyes. An eye bulging out of a crescent shape on the forehead. Blink, blink, salt water. Two cragged horns peeking out on either side. I sat at my writing desk and he sat on my lap. He asked me, “Can I turn the lamp on?”

For the next hour we wrote. Sentences would come to me in waves. After diffracting various words, verbs, and nouns into catchments, I would use them to create a careful mixture in a highball glass. The glass took the colour of its surroundings, which meant that when filled, you could only see the liquid. Meanwhile, my new eyes would imprint the ink I created onto the manuscript, one airy press of the right index finger at a time. But soon, the devil became disinterested. The story was too bland for him. There weren’t enough people in it, he told me.

“Haven’t you heard of J.D Salinger, or Thomas Pynchon perhaps?,” I questioned him.

He ignored me and began to fidget with objects around the desk.

“You want to know why the greatest writers of our time are all recluses?,” I continued.

I heard him pick up my Copal flip clock, a gift from my late mother, and play with it.

“Loneliness is the most relatable emotion,” I concluded.

For a moment, he held the clock still. Then I heard him crunch his teeth together to create a gnatting noise not unlike the tick-over of the faces on the flip clock.

“Why does this make that sound?,” he asked.

Desperate to get back to work, I ignored the question.

WORDS BY BECK ROWSE

“Warm,” I heard him say in a rushed tone.

A quick whistle ran through the air, followed by silence. The clock was likely broken. A moment later, a cool brass breeze blew across my linen shirt, cloth folded into waves over my body. I curiously smacked his arms with my hands, up-and-down, up-and-down, and worked my way up to his wrists. He was cooling one hand on the desk fan, while in the other he held a framed photo.

“Who is this?,” the expected question came.

“Just a dancer,” my voice contested a new ripple in the air, his finger running over indents inthe brass frame.

“She’s beautiful,” he said.

“Well, she retired,” I blinked twice, “about a year ago, now. You’re out of luck.”

I felt him slot the photo into the catchment on the typewriter. “Let’s write about her.”

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heirloom

The helm was of perfect steel; hard and thick. It glistened flawlessly under the artificial light, taunting Clay from behind a barrier of glass. From this angle, he could just see the small, arrow-sized notch at the back of the headpiece. Even now it made him wince as his hand instinctively moved to grab at the ancient wound.

‘A true piece of medieval craftsmanship,’ the Shopkeep said as he materialized next to Clay.

Finally! He’d been standing here for almost three minutes. People were so slow these days. Or, no... that wasn’t entirely accurate. Clay had just been around for so long people merely seemed slower. Perspective, he suddenly thought to himself, was a funny little thing.

WORDS BY raphail Spartalis

The Shopkeep was a portly fellow, complete with short, stubby limbs and black, beady eyes. 'Compact' was the word that came to mind.

‘Ah, hello there,’ Clay said with feigned enthusiasm, greeting the man with an outstretched hand and fake smile. ‘It’s a beautiful artefact.’

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The pudgy antiques dealer introduced himself. Clay paid little attention to the man’s name or his painful attempts at small talk, nodding rhythmically behind an empty gaze. Eventually though, when it became apparent this man had entirely too much time for friendly chit-chat, Clay was forced to take the reins, skilfully (if not a little directly) turning the conversation back to the helmet. He twisted his hulking torso to look at the object. ‘And where, might I ask, did you come to acquire such a gorgeous relic?’

‘Ah,’ chuffed the dealer, looking all too pleased with himself, ‘a supplier up in the north. Was a family heirloom of some rich fella. Lived up in Aberdeen, I’m told, or was it Glasgow...? Anyway, he’d had it for years and years, apparently, before he sold the thing. Something to do with a bad investment, or a good investment that went bad. I’m not too sure on the details. Apparently, thou-’ ‘And how much are you asking for it?’ Clay butted in, perhaps a tad too brusquely.

The Shopkeep looked a little affronted to have had his story cut short, but a moment later a smile creased the corners of his mouth at the prospect of making a good sale. It didn’t take long for his posture to change too. He suddenly seemed a whole foot taller, and regarded Clay with a more level and measured gaze. ‘Thirty thousand,’ he said finally, locking eyes with Clay.

Thirty thousand? That’s all this man was selling his helmet for? Clay was incredulous. He’d been insulted before–countless times before–but never had his family name been so flagrantly dishonoured. So mockingly brought into question. This was a priceless artefact; the heirloom of fifty generations of Estherwulfs, worth more than the value of the entire United Kingdom four times over, and this man... this... this... Clay was very rarely lost for words.

Famously, so. This caught him off guard.

The dealer seemed to mistake Clay’s seething silence for doubt and hastily cut in with, ‘I’ve had it appraised many times. Even had a fella over from the British Museum take a look at it! Thirty thousand’s a very fair offer!’

There were a thousand thousand things he could (and wanted to) say to the small, impish man who stood blinking before him. 'You dare dishonour me?

Alban Clayton Bartholomew of House Estherwulf? What right have you to sell, nay, to look upon my family’s helm? You have in your grubby little hands the artefact of the Estherwulf family line and you would part with it for the measly price of a small family sedan? You insult me.'

Instead, through a stiff, toothy smile, he replied, ‘Seems reasonable.’ His clenched fists were white as bone.

They shook hands and the deal was done. Clay took the helmet he’d been seeking for so many decades into his enormous hands, and the dealer (whose name Clay never bothered to learn), pawed a rather large cheque for thirty thousand British pounds.

He called out to Clay as the lumbering man made for the door, the ancient helmet nudged snugly under his right arm. ‘Might I ask what your plans are for it?’

‘No.’ Clay didn’t turn around.

‘Well, be careful! Legend says it was forged in the flames of a dragon’s fiery breath!’ The Shopkeep laughed heartily.

Ridiculous! Clay thought to himself, shaking his head as he turned out onto the busy street. Mortals have the most fanciful notions about the past.

Dragon’s breath is far too hot to smelt armour.

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Oh, how I wish you were here The way you used to be, By my side, all day long Forever entertaining me.

Oh, how I wish you were here To make driving less droll To sing along with Never judging my taste in rock ‘n roll.

Oh, how I wish you were here Life feels hollow The world seems less vibrant And the days drag by slow.

WORDS BY emily woodcock

Oh, how I wish you were here But no, you decided to go splat in the rain, Knowing you were not waterproof Dumbass headphones.

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Marty worked in a morgue. It was morbid. Somewhat lonely. It was a fine enough job for which he had many complaints, most of which he was willing to express verbally, if only to himself… especially when the bodies which were supposed to be lifeless started moving.

WORDS BY michelle roylance

drawers of the dead

It started on an oddly sunny day in mid-winter. Marty collected his breakfast from the hospital cafeteria, like always. The cafeteria lady forgot to leave the sauce off his muffin, like always. He would grumble about this to himself the whole elevator ride down to the basement, like always.

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Like always, Marty watched the doctors come in and out of the elevator and wondered why he hadn’t listened to his mother and chosen a more hopeful, stimulating profession. The doctors were charming, they smiled, they were invited to the work parties and work drinks. There was just something quite depressing about spending so much time with dead people. Young dead people, old dead people. Marty was quite sure he was on the brink of an existential crisis. It was something he planned to raise with his new therapist the following week. He had needed to get rid of the old one. She hadn’t believed his theories that he had a suppressed spider phobia that was sure to emerge any day now. She had refused to sign his application to the hospital board requesting they move the morgue to the top floor of the hospital because the basement was the perfect environment for spider procreation.

“Perhaps if you had a vitamin D deficiency,” she had said. “But I don’t believe that you truly have Arachnophobia Marty. A few weeks ago, you expressed your excitement over seeing a… what was it… the one you saw at the park?”

“A funnel-web,” Marty had replied darkly, flicking his scarf over his shoulder and rising from her couch. “Well this is very disappointing Carol. I hope you are aware of how dissatisfied I am with your services.”

He moved for the door.

“Remember how we talked about characteristics of narcissism last week Marty?”

Marty had rolled his eyes. “Goodbye Carol.”

Marty stepped out of the elevator into the space he liked to call his office, if only others saw it that way as well. He placed his almost-empty briefcase on the desk and then passed through the double doors into the chilling morgue. Silver doors lined the work space, drawers of the dead, Marty liked to call them. An examining table sat in the middle of the room, with Marty’s instruments.

Almost as soon as he walked into the room, the phone rang.

Marty stopped still in his tracks towards the sanitisation station, the phone never rang. He wasn’t even sure where he last saw the dusty, old landline. He was quite sure he had thrown it in the bin, or perhaps it was under the messy pile of paperwork just waiting for the assistant that he was never promised or given to sort.

Marty followed the ringing to the examination table and opened one of the stainless-steel drawers. Hmm, yes, he remembered now, his mother had called.

Marty watched the phone for a moment, willing the ringing to cease, and yet, it persisted. With a disappointed sigh to himself, he answered it.

“Matt, old chap, how are things? It’s Clyde from the hospital board.”

If there was anyone’s calls in all the world that got under Marty’s skin more than his mother’s, it was Clyde from the hospital board.

“Hello Clyde from the hospital board.” Marty muttered at an almost inaudible volume.

“Listen Matt,” Clyde from the hospital board began. “I hate to be a pain but…” and so began another one-hour lecture criticizing Marty, today’s topic: why Matt wasn’t allowed a bring your ferret to work day. Marty zoned out after a minute as hospital policy on animals was cited and the multiple health risks to patients were listed. It’s somewhat fortunate that he zoned out too, for as Clyde from the hospital board yapped away, not only did Marty observe two lizards dance up and down the stained wall, in what he assumed was some intrinsic mating ritual, but he also noticed one of the silver drawers on the wall slip smoothly open about 3 inches or so.

“I hope you understand old chap, that especially now with all this nasty, plaguey business going on, the hospital’s reputation cannot afford another rodent incident.”

Eyes still glued to the drawer, Marty’s free hand moved subconsciously to his blazer pocket where he could feel a few crumbs from Lucille’s breakfast in the creases.

For a moment Marty thought he might again try to explain how much Lucille loved the train and that when he had been called into work with little notice, she had been happily riding along in his pocket so there was little else he could do but extend the invitation to the small, brown, domesticated mouse. He also thought it careless of the hospital to serve custard to its patients and not expect a mouse to sniff it out; custard is Lucille’s favourite. But as all attempts of staking his case in the past had fallen short, he presumed it might have something to do with the legal matter the incident had produced involving a certain old woman and her walking stick, but again, Marty had made many arguments that found fault with the prosecution’s case. The 59

woman was old, a retired librarian, what business did she have in trying to exterminate a mouse with a walking stick, an object, he might add, intended for walking, not hitting a human or mouse? Marty’s hand moved subconsciously to the scar on the back of his head.

“You still with me Matt? You’re not saying much.”

Marty huffed and turned his back on the suspicious drawer. “Yes, Clyde from the hospital board. I choose to converse as little as possible with those of inferior intellect.”

Marty could only assume his insult had gone over Clyde from the hospital board’s head, because dry laughter filled along with a heavy sigh.

“Oh, you dead guys are so… strange.” Clyde from the hospital board finished. “Well, gotta go Matt, things to see and people to what not, we’ll grab lunch soon.”

Marty doubted it. Clyde from the hospital board said that at the end of every phone call Marty had ever had with him, and he still had no idea what the man looked like.

Marty placed the phone on its stand and put it back in the drawer in the hopes he’d never have to look for it again.

He spun round on the sole of his shoe and almost choked on his own saliva. There, not four steps away from him, assessing the room in what he could only assume was a state of bewilderment, was the all too moving body of a woman whose children for the last month could not decide how best to put their decaying mother’s corpse to rest.

Upon getting over his initial shock, Marty did what he was sure any reasonable person would do in the situation. He looked the decaying mother’s corpse up and down and shook his head in dismay.

“You know, it is completely medieval and against the law to not be wearing shoes when not in the privacy of your own home. Put those bunions away, Martha.”

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