Shit Men Do: A Shared Space

‘One time at work, an adult man came up to me with a squishy round toy and asked what it was. I said “It’s a squishy sensory toy” and he paused, held it close to my face, squeezed it and said “It’s like a booby”. I ignored him and as I put another item back in its place, he did it again, “like booby” . Screw equal pay, I should get extra for dealing with that shit.’ - Grace

‘For being a lesbian surrounded by men, they sure do work up some gall as to what they think they can say about other women around me. Don’t get me wrong, talking with my close friends about how pretty another woman is completely fine. I’m talking about the other. With these men, I hardly know you and we’ ve only spoken twice. I don’t want to hear about how you would like to bang the shit out of Selena Gomez, and I would greatly appreciate if you stopped sending me images of other women I personally know and saying how “ sexy they are.”’ - Anon

‘When I first moved to Adelaide the first thing I did was go to the beach. I was so excited to be somewhere I could do that, I had never lived so close to a natural body of water that I could swim in before. I loved it, until a man in his 50s groped my ass in my swimsuit. I haven’t been back since.’ - Anon ‘The first time I got asked out, I told him I was 16 - so no... He told me he didn’t mind, he was barely 20 and related to teenagers a lot. I took the long way to my bus stop.’ - LAJ

‘Not affiliating the University of Adelaide Women’s Collective under the precedent that

“celebrating women is not unique or necessary with no need for this club.”’ - Anon

‘At the state election, an elderly American man campaigning for the Liberals cornered me in a staircase and told me to smile. When I explained that I was wearing a mask for a reason, he told me it was alright because I had ‘such pretty eyes.’ - Anon

‘‘I was in town with a bunch of my female friends and a group of men walking past cat-called the group. He then looked directly at me, and said “ you

‘I’m a member of several committees where I am the only woman, and I am not exaggerating when I say it is a nightmare every single time. The best I can expect in these cases is only to be ignored or spoken down to. God forbid I’m in a position where I’m supposed to LEAD the committee, where the trend of being ignored and infantilized by a committee who elected me to be in a position of authority. In these circles that pride themselves on having a young female member to prove their diversity, I am routinely given the easiest tasks (if any at all), my authority overlooked, and my thoughts discounted. In some of the more unruly committees, I have been left in tears after being continuously told I don’t understand their protocols, that my experiences and opinions weren’t relevant to the discussion. I had my thoughts repeated back to me by other members and taken as genius when they came out of a man's mouth, I honestly never thought that happened in real life until it happened to me. Repeatedly, I was belittled, ignored, spoken over, and overlooked for disagreeing with them. This culminated in the most senior member of the committee saying quietly under their breath “please stop talking” while I was speaking. I still gaslight myself about if this was necessary, for all I know maybe I was talking too much. Or, it could have something to do with the fact that I simply and politely voiced my disagreements with many of their decision.’ - Anon

‘TRIGGER WARNING! When a guy explicitly said “imagine raping (insert my name)”. I often wonder why I didn’t make a scene and report him. Then I remember I was 14 and at the time and had convinced myself I had provoked it. I really regret letting him get away with the comment.’ - Anon

‘TW Homophobia. A lonely-looking elderly man approached me by the riverbank, wanting to chat. The conversation went fine until he–seemingly out of nowhere–exploded into a homophobic tirade. He had gay cousins, he told me, and said he’d “beat them over the head with his cane if they came near him” because he “didn’t want to catch it.” My objections fell on deaf ears. His vitriol stayed with me for some reason; it’s a recurring intrusive thought.’ - Anon *Pays On Dit’s all female editorial team - which is the first to exist in a long while - $500 less each, than all teams previously, to do exactly the same work. (Oh, plus the extra work, and emotional load of occasionally defending the fact that four women could be leaders). But don’t worry, it’s nothing to do with gender. It just accidentally reinforces the gender pay gap.* - Anon

‘People ask me why I ended up quitting my job in fast food, besides the obvious reason of me hating my job; it was mainly the people. Nothing more off putting in a job than a middle aged man asking for your ‘ p *ssy ’ as what they would like to order/eat. Still had to serve him too, and all I could do was laugh about it. I was 17.’ - Anon

‘My previous job involved pushing a heavy trolley up a hill at the end of the day; something I was willing and able to do. But the owner/patriarch of the family business wasn’t having it. Instead of changing the roster, the owner would call one of my coworkers and beg them to go down to the job site and help me close up. Having two people was totally redundant and I was mortified.’ - Anon ‘When I was 15 I was working in retail. One afternoon an older man (50s) came in and asked me to help him shop for underwear for his wife. I directed him over to the women’s underwear aisle, as I was about to leave he tried to engage me by asking what ones are the best sellers, not paying much mind I showed him. He then went on and asked me what ones I would wear, he also asked me what size I was, he then proceeded to pick up 5 pairs of lacey underwear and put them on layby, I left him up at the counter to go and continue my work, but he then specifically asked to be served by me. He thanked me profusely and then came in a couple hours later with a box of chocolates for me. I was only 15, this all went over my head at the time, but looking back at it now, he never picked up the layby order and I never saw him again.’ - Anon

‘Overheard at The University of Adelaide can be a gross place. When there were any group posts about the Women’s Collective, almost every comment section featured one man saying “What about the MEN’S collective?!”... why?’ - Anon ‘I told my first casual situationship (after having freshly left an emotionally draining, long-term relationship) that I was not sure exactly what I wanted or how I felt about him. He replied, saying “well I don’t care that much about what you want” - Talk about feeling used. He said he’d rather date someone who liked him, and I agreed, saying he should do exactly that. A few weeks later he changed his Steam DP to an anime cat girl.’ - Anon

‘Working in a bar left me with a whole ton of unsavoury experiences, even though I was working in a ‘fancy’ place. I would have a man in his 40s pull me down and ask when my shift ends, telling me he had just taken his viagra. Another middle-aged man would watch me throughout my entire shift then leave his hotel room on the table. Yet another man would often come in and take photos of me throughout my shift. I was 19, and bound to ideas of ‘professionalism’ in a workplace.’ - Caitlin

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You may ask what the purpose of this collaborative piece was. Well first of all, it served as a safe space for non-cis-men to vent about our experiences and raise awareness of what we face on a daily basis – in our workplaces, our local streets and public parks, our educational institutions and even our own homes. It also aims to offer you the reader the human stories behind the phrases some people seem to think is simply political or the words of an ‘angry feminist’; those are ‘not all men, but enough’ and ‘not all men, but all women’. I have yet to meet a woman or non-binary person who does not have a story. Sometimes it may be prefaced with a ‘oh nothing really…except this one time, where…but its not as bad as some people’s stories.’ I think we often invalidate our own harassment, abuse or assault because we know everyone (or most people) experience it at some level, and in understanding that we internalise misogyny in accepting it as ‘normal’ or ‘just how it is’. Let this be a reminder, a source of validation, that this simply appalling state of existence for non-cis men is not how it should be, now or in the future. Men, the onus is on you. Listen. Reflect. And don’t be the reason we have another ‘Shit Men Do’ story to tell.