SHARED LIVING SPACES

Living together with a partner or a group of friends can be a new and exciting time. Whether it’s settling down to watch a movie each night with your best pals or finally making that big step to live with your partner, life seems so much more fun when it’s shared with others!

However, cohabitation can also bring with it several challenges Who will take care of each of the household chores? Will there be a designated chef, or will we share the responsibility? Are there set rules for overnight guests or curfews on friends hanging out on a school night?

In order to live together as seamlessly as possible, an open, honest conversation needs to take place from day one that captures each member’s expectations and boundaries for your new living arrangements

Are you someone who likes their home to feel like a display house, or do you prefer a more “lived-in” experience? Are you annoyed by piles of laundry (hopefully clean) stacked up on the dining room table, or are you an “everything has its place” type of roomie?

Once you have outlined these expectations, you may need to assess your feelings about your living compatibility

This may mean adhering to a set of rules that ensure your home is kept ship-shape, or it may involve a bit of self-reflection to identify how you will feel if a little compromise is in order

Most importantly, all parties should be sincere and accepting of their housemates, without judgement, in order to live together successfully This includes not trying to change people’s behaviours but rather embracing all their little quirks and habits with tolerance and good humour

An effective way of doing this is by recognising our capacity to tolerate discomfort or distress Our distress tolerance is categorised by our ability to manage our feelings during an emotional situation without becoming overwhelmed

In other words, it means you can reach for appropriate coping strategies at the moment that helps you find relief, solve a problem, or otherwise properly navigate a stressful situation

These healthy coping strategies may include practising breathing exercises or mindfulness activities, listening to music that calms you down, venting to a friend or family member, or just removing yourself from the stressful situation and going for a walk around the block.

You may find yourself getting frustrated and angry with your housemates if they break any of the rules or if they simply aren’t sharing the load around the house.

If these situations occur more than once or start to become a habit, you may need to reach for your trusty coping skills toolbox and implement some of these techniques to regain control and keep a cool head. This is especially important before you approach your housemate to find out what is going on

When these situations happen, it's important that we don't reach for any unhealthy coping strategies that may escalate the situation or make us feel worse These might be:

Reaching for alcohol and/or drugs for a sense of relief

Reacting impulsively and engaging in dangerous behaviour

Becoming aggressive or violent

Trying to get other housemates to take sides

When you have calmed down and are ready to have a rational conversation, it’s always helpful to enter the conversation with an open mind

It’s likely your roomie isn’t aware of their difficult behaviours, or they may be having a tough time and might require some further support or understanding

Being open will allow you to discuss what is occurring and brainstorm solutions together that will keep you both happy and ensure everyone's needs are met

Living with others will always have its challenge But utilising your healthy coping strategies will ensure you can control your emotions and not kick your housemate to the curb every time they leave a pile of dirty dishes on the sink or practice the violin at the first light of day