Did I Do That? The Best (and Worst) of the '90s by Amber Humphrey - Abrams Image

introduction The twenty-somethings in the 1994 romantic comedy Reality Bites embodied the “Generation X” slacker ethos that, for a lot of people, defined

our toys—which were increasingly electronic—and television shows and mov-

the decade. When the movie was released, I, like Ethan Hawke’s character, was

ies, which, in many cases, were more irreverent and progressive than children’s

a jobless deadbeat. What’s more, I mooched off of my mother unapologeti-

entertainment had been previously.

cally. But then, I was eleven years old. I also couldn’t have cared less about

The toys, games, and shows in this book are ones that played a role in my

Reality Bites—a movie that I only saw for the first time three years ago. Neither

own adolescent years, which means that some popular fads may have been

Kenan Thompson nor Kel Mitchell was in it, so what was the point?

left out and a few subjects that may seem like more obscure by-products of

It’s true, in the ’90s, Nirvana was big; people were drinking Zima and

the era—as well as a handful of things that debuted in the ’80s but peaked in

wearing flannel; “boys” was spelled with a “z” (see: Boyz II Men and Boyz

the ’90s—were included. The goal is to present the features of an authentic

n the Hood). But if you were chilling with your friends by the monkey bars

’90s childhood, not a description of the decade that you’d find if you Googled

when the decade began and prepping for prom when it ended, then Steve

“the ’90s,” and the only way to do that was to write about what makes me

Urkel probably figured more prominently in your version of the ’90s than Kurt

nostalgic. At the same time, this isn’t so personal that it’s just Widget, the

Cobain. This book celebrates that.

World Watcher fan fiction.

What you’ll find here is an exaltation of the decade’s

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Even though we weren’t fully aware of this, the transformation was reflected in

I hope that flipping through the pages will allow you to revel in the sim-

kid culture, a sampling of the things that those of us

plicity of childhood, and that the book serves as a temporary escape for any

who came of age in the ’90s thought were the bomb

twenty- or thirty-somethings who are starting to deal with all of the overwhelm-

and that now, as adults, bond us. Our generation

ing responsibility that comes with adulthood. Ideally, you would have bought

grew up during an era that saw an upsurge in social

this book in lieu of paying your utilities bill. Though if your bills only set you

liberalization and a tremendous boom in technology.

back as much as it would cost to buy a book, then you’re doing something right.

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R

ollerblade was a brand of inline skates, but no one called their inline skates “inline skates.” That would have been weird and made whomever you were talking to feel really uncomfortable. “Do you

want to go inline skating later?” Ugh. It creeps me out just writing it.

Calling your rollerblades—which is what they were—inline skates would have been like calling a generic Pop-Tart a toaster pastry. “Would you like to consume toaster pastries with me and then partake in an afternoon of inline skating?” No, I would not.

Age ain’t nothin’ but a number. Rollerblades, or technically, “inline skates,” had cross-generational appeal and were popular with adults and children.

Nothing looks cooler than safety.

Calling them “blades” was just as bad. It was too self-consciously cool,

“brake,” but I never used it.

like you were trying too hard to show how down you were. “Blades” or

If I wanted to stop, I would

“blading” were words used in SunnyD commercials or Disney movies about

run into a wall or fence.

rollerblades and rollerblading. Can you imagine your grandmother buying you

When there was no structure

a pair of rollerblades as a gift and saying, “Sweetie, I got you those blades

to halt my momentum, my

you’ve been wanting”? Uh, thank you?

“brake” was my faith in God.

GENERATION XTREME The reason for the name: the wheels were arranged in a line as opposed

Nintendo’s Rollerblade Racer (1993) captured the perils of the sport perfectly. In the

to being set two-by-two like conventional roller skates. The first inline skates

game, you had to navigate

were used years before they gained popularity in the ’90s, with some saying

through streets filled with

that the invention dates back to the eighteenth century. The Rollerblade brand

cracks, which is really what the

was founded in the ’80s, and by the mid-’90s only little girls were still using

world seemed like in those

roller skates. Rollerblades were dangerous—

days. If you rolled over a crack

you could seriously hurt yourself if you didn’t

in the game or in real life, you

know what you were doing, or even if you

were going to wipe out.

did know what you were doing—and that

Rollerblading was both

made them cool. If you saw someone

a recreational sport—enjoyed by tiny children, health nuts, and

roller-skating to school—even in the days

topless dudes at Venice Beach alike—and a competitive sport. National

before rollerblades—you would’ve

rollerblading competitions were being held as early as 1990, and the first X

thought, “What’s up with this asshole?”

Games—then called the “Extreme Games”—included an inline skating event,

But rollerblades were a socially accept-

along with skateboarding and bungee jumping.

able mode of transportation.

They looked like ski boots with wheels and were usually black, although they made white ones that were worn exclusively by elementary school girls.

There was a piece of rubber attached Nintendo’s Rollerblade Racer (1993).

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to the bottom of the heel called a

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A

ccording to the immutable laws of science and all of history’s annals, backflips make anything at least 45% better than it would have been sans backflips; perfectly executed tornado

kicks improve things by about 37%; and Zords—that is, monstrous, robot-fighting machines—well, they’ll usually lead to a 52% increase, even more if it’s a Megazord, Dragonzord, or a Mega Dragonzord. So, if anyone—including you, in a moment of deep introspection—ever wants to understand the allure of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, these figures should help. However, on the qualitative tip, the Power Rangers

Released by Bandai in 1994, the Power Rangers Auto Morphin collection boasted “real morphin action.” Pressing a lever on the action figure’s torso switched the head from Ranger mode to civilian mode.

V

anilla Ice was a white rapper who wore harem pants and, once, a metallic jacket with “word to your mother” bedazzled onto the back of it. I could probably stop there and you’d have all of the

information required to understand who he was, but I’ll continue anyway.

The title of Vanilla Ice’s charttopping hit emblazoned on a button and the rapper wearing a Vanilla Ice t-shirt—he was so meta.