7 minute read
Women’s Views from the Bimah
1800s The origins of Conservative Judaism emerge
1955 Women may be called up to the Torah
BY DIANA SUSSMAN
It may suprise some, but Conservative synagogues did not always offer egalitarian services. Traditionally, only men counted toward the quorum of ten required to say the most important prayers, and only men could lead services or read from the Torah. Today at least 98 percent of Conservative synagogues have egalitarian services. The Committee on Jewish Law and Standards (CJLS) of Conservative Judaism first permitted women to be called up to the Torah in 1955. Between 1972 and 1976, the number of synagogues allowing women to be called up to the Torah increased from seven to 50 percent. Since 1973, women and men have counted equally in a minyan. The following year, men and women were finally considered equal in all areas of ritual, including serving as prayer leaders. The TCS founders had fostered a robust egalitarian culture from the beginning, which continues to this day. The goal for our commmunity has always been to support a culture where every individual could pursue their personal journey. In fact, TCS has had three female cantors. But of course, not all congregants were fortunate enough to grow up in environment like this. Today, many women take pride in seeing their daughters called up to the Torah because they themselves had not had the opportunity to do so. TCS has helped many women fill that void as an adult. Over the years, TCS has had five adult bat mitzvah groups. Some women have shared their views on this subject. DIANA SUSSMAN: Becoming a bat mitzvah as an adult was one of my most meaningful experiences. Preparing for it and sharing it with a group of women, many close friends, enhanced it for me. I still remember selecting my Tallit, the butterflies in my stomach before I began chanting Miriam’s Song of the Sea, and the pride I felt when I finished. I had always felt a strong connection to my Jewish heritage. As a child I actually asked to go to Hebrew school. But since I was a girl, my dad gave me a Berlitz book on Hebrew language, which sat on a shelf. While I learned to read Hebrew well enough to teach children, sang in the TCS chorale, and read Torah at my son’s bar mitzvah, I never felt like a full member of the congregation until I became a bat mitzvah.
A few months later, I read Torah at my daughter’s bat mitzvah. I was so proud of her and thrilled that she could have this experience at the age of 13, not 45 like me. Aside from a different color palette, the Tallit she wore looked exactly like mine. That felt appropriate.
1973 Women count in a minyan
1974 Women are deemed equal in all areas of ritual including leading prayer
1976 50% of synagogues are egalitarian 2019 98% of synagogues are egalitarian
LAUREN BARNETT: It’s hard to describe an experience over 35 years in the making. This was a milestone I and the other four women in my learning group had contemplated for much of our lives. Candidly, we had often pushed it to the back of our minds because the task had come to seem too insurmountable to achieve as an adult (even coordinating six adults’ biweekly schedules had become challenging enough). Yet, with determination, endless laughs, through a worldwide pandemic, and with the unwavering confidence, patience, and spiritual wisdom of our Cantor and Rabbi, five close friends gained a whole new understanding and appreciation for our history and our heritage, laughed hysterically when we realized the one Hebrew word we had spent close to a year learning was, in fact, the word Shabbat, and cried with incredible pride and overwhelming emotion when we finally accomplished what we had set out to do and became b’not mitzvah in June. Then we topped it off with an unforgettable girls’ trip to Israel. Careful if you see us around town… because we love to talk about it with anyone who will listen.
PHYLLIS WALLITT: My husband Dan and I grew up Reform. For various reasons, I did not to have a bat mitzvah, a decision I later regretted. I vowed that my own children would be more connected to their synagogue than I was. We moved to Westport in 2008 and enrolled our son Evan in the TCS Preschool. We later felt so embraced by the TCS community that we joined. Over the years we came to truly enjoy the beauty of the services, including the additional Hebrew that we did not grow up with. Each of our kids learned a lot of Hebrew for their b’nei mitzvah. Our son came to the bimah to honor his sister, beautifully chanting a Torah portion three years after his own bar mitzvah. They put in the work, accomplished a lot, and gained a deep appreciation of what it means to be Jewish. There was no question that we would join a place where our daughter could do exactly what her brother did for her big day: she would wear a tallit, read from the Torah, and lead Shabbat services. She did just that, making us proud as men and women sat together watching. We would not have it any other way. Brooke read Bereshit, the first portion of the Torah in the new social hall. This was truly a new beginning for her as a Jewish adult. After having started middle school in a pandemic, she was now in person surrounded by loving family, friends and community. I realized yet again how fortunate we have been to call TCS home.
Brooke Wallitt holding the Torah MELISSA DOMBROW: My daughter Leah had her bat mitzvah on May 21 in a heartfelt and meaningful ceremony at her Jewish home, TCS. After months of hard work, it was a proud moment to watch her lead the Shabbat service, read Torah, and confidently chant her Haftarah. Though we were in a tent, looking around at the faces of our family, friends, and community, the setting could not have been more beautiful.
On this special day, Leah wore the same tallis that I wore at my bat mitzvah 30 years ago. Having her wear my tallis (now, our tallis) symbolized for me the bridging of our family’s Jewish tradition from one generation to another. Rabbi Wiederhorn pointed out that it is somewhat unique for a daughter to receive her mother’s tallis because it was not so long ago that girls did not regularly become bat mitzvah and those that did often did not wear a Tallit. As a result, not many women have this heirloom to pass down to their daughters. While this makes perfect sense, it had not occurred to me at the time. I was raised in an egalitarian synagogue like TCS where girls and boys received equal opportunities to participate in Jewish rituals. In my upbringing, and in the upbringing of my daughters, there has never been a distinction in expectations or opportunities based on gender. For this reason, I sometimes take for granted that it was not the case in every generation, or currently in every Jewish community, that women are given equal standing to men. At TCS, we have many strong female role models that set examples for our children. From serving on our Board, to reading Torah, to spearheading social action, there are women contributing to every aspect of our synagogue life. As our sons and daughters grow up within our community, they are absorbing this core value of equality and will be better people because of it. I look forward to watching as Leah continues to grow into a strong role model herself. And, perhaps one day, I will get to witness her sharing our bat mitzvah tallis with the next generation of Dombrow women.
Leah Dombrow holding the Torah
LISA KESSLER: For lack of a better word, I lived my first 13 years as a “secular” Jewish girl. Choosing to become a bat mitzvah at 57 for me was a personal rededication to our people, our ancient language and traditions, and to my family before me. All while doing it with my closest friends. I wanted my daughters to have what I didn’t. When Cassi becomes a bat mitzvah, just as Lexi and I did at TCS, my heart will be truly filled. Having all three of us read from the Torah is not only a symbol of equality, but an affirmation of Jewish pride and our resilience. As a Jewish mother I cannot think of anything more important, especially now, for my girls to not only be prideful and confident in their Judaism but to be able to defend it when that time comes.
