Issuu

r he t e do an timat es ul ntur ve ad

Poetry and prose by the young writers of Amplify Virtual Summer Camp in conjunction with 916 Ink

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Burgers in space

and other ultimate adventures Poetry and prose by the young writers of Amplify Virtual Summer Camp in conjunction with 916 Ink

About 916 Ink 916 Ink is the only arts-based literacy nonprofit in the greater Sacramento region dedicated to providing creative writing workshops for youth, ages 5-25, to transform them into confident writers. We empower students to become the authors of their own lives, one published story at a time. Since 2011, we have served over 3,000 kids in the Sacramento Region, and published more than 100 publications. Our mission is to empower children and youth through creative writing. We envision a Sacramento region where every child and teen is given access to a creative writing program that leads them to believe in themselves and to understand the power of the written word. Learn more about us at www.916ink.org, or send an email to info@916ink.org to learn how to become involved.

DISCLAIMER

This is a work of fiction and poetry. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author and publisher hold exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. Copyright 2020.

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Dear Reader, What you hold in your hands is the hard work and dedication of a community of youth and adult writers working together to tell stories that inspire, entertain, and heal. At 916 Ink, we teach young people how to write, listen, and support each other in the pursuit of creating literary art. The words in these pages are carefully chosen and crafted to reflect their unique voice. This book is a celebration of “taking the yes,” which is a motto of 916 Ink students. “Taking the yes” means that students are unafraid to collaborate with each other and themselves. It might sound weird—how does one “collaborate” with his or her own self? By shutting down the inner critics in our head that tell us that we aren’t good enough, our stories don’t matter, or what we might say is stupid or unnecessary. Stories are how we create meaning and make sense of the world. What’s better than to teach young people how to tell stories, create meaning out of their lives, and understand the world? Creative writing carves a path to a better life. Writers know this, but maybe the rest of the world doesn’t. A writer is someone who truly gets to live twice—once through their senses and once through the page. Everyone needs writers. Favorite television shows? Go thank a writer. News articles? Thank a writer. Education? Writers wrote the curriculum. Business? Can’t happen without writers creating marketing tools and business plans. Writers make the world go around. By reading this book you’ve supported the growth of a writer. Thanks. Please consider making a donation to this great cause on our website at www.916ink.org if you’d like to further our mission of populating the planet with youth who can “take the yes,” and lead a happy life. Ink-tastically yours, The 916 Ink staff, the Board of Dreamers, volunteers, and youth writers

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Acknowledgments Brenda Nguyen

Wordslinger

Damon Plant

Wordslinger

Jay Oatis

Wordslinger

Nena Larieze

Wordslinger

Taylor Garcia

Wordslinger

Zuzu Schmitke

Wordslinger

Jordan Dahlen

Inspirator

Katie McCleary

Founding Executive Director

Michael Spurgeon

Founding Board President

Kathy Flynn

Board of Dreamers, President

DJ Waldow

Board of Dreamers, Vice President

Shelley Blanton-Stroud

Board of Dreamers, Secretary

Stacey Powell

Board of Dreamers, Treasurer

Beatrice Tetteh

Board of Dreamers

Chris Worden

Board of Dreamers

Daniel Kaufman

Board of Dreamers

Lynn Lizarraga

Board of Dreamers

Rekha Tejpal

Board of Dreamers

Shelley Blanton-Stroud

Board of Dreamers

Vince Wong

Board of Dreamers

Xenia Schutt

Board of Dreamers

Ian Hadley

Executive Director

Angela Tannehill

Creative Director

Nikki Cardoza

Director of Programming

Allison Stelly

Development Manager

Paulette Greenhouse

Program Manager

Emma Hoppough

Production Coordinator

Maria Gavia

Office Manager

Christina Teed

Outreach and Development Associate,

AmeriCorps VISTA

Will Evans

Outreach and Development Associate,

AmeriCorps VISTA

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Contents Goliath and the Jaw-breaking Asteroid Virtual Session 1, Group A . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Scales of The Red Moon Virtual Session 1, Group B . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 The $70,000 Pizza Big Macâ„¢ Adventure Session 2, Morning Group . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Milkageddon Session 2, Afternoon Group . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 The Story of 45 Minutes Virtual Session 2, Group A . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 Exquisite Corpse Poem Virtual Session 2, Group A . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 Group Story Virtual Session 2, Group B . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30 Group Poem Virtual Session 3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32 Building Our Future: The Queer Escape Virtual Session 4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

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Goliath and the Jaw-breaking Asteroid Virtual Session 1, Group A

Billions of miles away sits a space forest named Flamanga. Hundreds of trees grow there, but they are not normal trees. No, they are special trees in space! They grow light green and purple, unlike the trees on Earth. The first section of the forest is called the gumdrop canopy. It is filled with gumdrop trees, and itâ€™s colorful like a rainbow. It even glows in the dark! In the second section, there is the cotton candy jungle. It is known to be the first species of candy tree on Flamanga. The cotton candy tree is special in that its leaves and branches are pure cotton candy. The trunk is only flavored. The treeâ€™s wood is harvested for its integrity and its interesting smell. Lastly, in the third section, we have the forest of taffy. This part of the rainforest is extremely sticky with stretchy taffy vines blanketing the ground. These vines are an invasive species from a neighboring planet called Ahtolion. Ahtolion is rich but not covered with taffy vines of all sizes. On Flamanga, all forests are separated into smaller sections based on the fullness of the trees. Also, on Flamanga, there is a variety of different wildlife. The animals are astonishing and strange. The most notable species is called a Gronk. A Gronk is a mix between a clam and a taffy fish. They are known for their sticky scales and hard chocolate shell. Gronks roam the chocolate swamp of the gumdrop canopy. This species of Gronk is known as the Chocolate Gronk. They are famous for using tools such as Red Vine twigs, which grow on the edge of chocolate swamp, to dig up roots from gumdrop trees. Then there are the Flamang. Flamang are named after their home planet because they look just like cotton candy trees. They use this skill to blend in with their habitat. Continued on next page B U R G E R S I N S PA C E A N D O T H E R U LT I M A T E A D V E N T U R E S

There are space deer that are dark purple and have a small solar system on their antlers where very, very tiny elves live. We then have the Nono. Nonos are a newly discovered species of Nonians. Little is known about this species. But we do know that they are omnivores and that they live in the taffy grasslands. Finally, there is the galactic frog that is bright yellow with spots of purple and starry feet. Its tongue is magenta accented by an orange spot that everyone calls a tiny sun. Also, there lives a little ghost named Goliath, and he just wants to go home. Goliath the Ghost Goliath has a chocolate tree and all the candy he could possibly want, but he still feels like he is missing something. The pinecones made of Jolly Ranchers give him a terrible stomachache. His dinner is spoiled every night. He wants his family, but they are many space forests, light-years, and galaxies away. And all he has is a forest smothered in candy: Red Vines instead of real vines, and gumdrops instead of rain drops. Because he is lonely, he decides to see his friend Max. He takes his spaceship to see him. Max also lives on Flamanga by the candy rain forest, and he misses his friend Goliath. They like sharing candy from the trees. He moved to Flamanga five years ago from a planet named Haunted. It was a big move. Maxâ€™s bedroom is on the top floor of the chocolate tree. When Goliath arrives, Max is scared. Max tells Goliath that an asteroid is coming and the impact will destroy the WHOLE planet! The two hop into Goliathâ€™s spaceship to find a way to protect the planet from the asteroid. Goliath and Max stumble upon an ancient candy hotel, and inside they find an old library. They both read old scrolls looking for some information that might save them. Then Goliath reads in one of the oldest scrolls that the planet has a built-in force field to shield it from threats like this. It hasnâ€™t been activated for thousands of years, and the only way to reactivate it is to collect one of every candy on the whole planet! Suddenly, a wizard appears!

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The Wizard Samuel Goliath asks the wizard, named Samuel Tonks, to help them on their quest to find all of the candy! Samuel Tonks is very daring. He’s always getting into fights. Once, he was by himself and defeated a dragon. But the dragon is still out there and was never able to let the world live in peace. In fact, he needed someone to help him. Goliath and Samuel Tonks talk for a while. Goliath and Max learn that the wizard knows about the quest that they need to go on. So in order to help, Samuel Tonks gives Goliath a SWORD because he knows Goliath will need it in a BIG battle against a mighty dragon. He gives Max the ability to make portals with his hands until their quest is completed. Then, the mysterious Wizard disappears. Pirates and Portaling “Come on!” says Max as he creates a portal. “Let’s go through the portal! We won’t make it if we stay here! Ready? Three...two...one...JUMP!” As they jump into the portal, they scream, “AHHHH!” “Oof,” says Goliath. “Ow,” groans Max. (That is followed by several grunts.) “Wh-wh-what? Where are we?” asks Goliath. “Blast the gumball cannons, ye scurvys!” a voice screams! “We are on a candy pirate ship!” Max exclaims. “Oops, I should not have said that out loud!” “Arhhh...Get ‘em, ye scurvys!” the pirate captain yells. “Max, run!” Goliath screams. “AHHHHHHH!” They run across the deck of the ship and into the cabin. “There,” says Max. “Hide under the captain’s desk!” They both dive under the desk, finally out of sight. Continued on next page B U R G E R S I N S PA C E A N D O T H E R U LT I M A T E A D V E N T U R E S

“Wha—?” whispers Goliath as the sound of footsteps grows closer. “Look, Max, Fruit by the Foot swords! I think I can take them. You gather the candy.” The two burst out from underneath the deck screaming, “Attack!!!!” Goliath takes out his sword and begins fighting the horde of pirates. Clang, clang, clang! The war has started. Goliath jumps underneath a pirate swinging a sword, which knocks him out with the end of his sword. Max creates a portal that leads to their own dungeon and whenever a pirate comes lunging at him, he opens a portal, sending them to the dungeon. Finally, he opens a large portal, and all of the pirates fall through. “Yeah, lets go!” Goliath says. “Now all we have to do is defeat the captain!” They run out of the cabin and back onto the deck, where they find the captain. “YES, BOSS BATTLE!” screams Goliath. Goliath dodges the pirate captain’s sword just in time and twirls gracefully around the captain. As they are fighting, Max manages to slip away. He grabs a sword and cuts the sails. “Look out!” cries Max. Max opens a portal under the mast and the captain. Candy, All Aboard! Max picks up all the different types of candy on the ship. These pirates have been all over the world and have every type of candy! Max even manages to snatch a map. “Yesssssssss,” cries Goliath. “Let’s go! Max, portal us to our next destination! We’ve got to face off our next challenge and save our planet!” Max makes a portal, and it takes them back to a forest, where Samuel Tonks is standing. “You have collected all the candy you need, with one exception,” Samuel Tonks says. “Where is the last one we need?” asks Goliath. The wizard motions for the two to follow him. They travel through the forest. Using the map they took 12

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from the pirates, they find the place where the last kind of candy is hidden. “Max, Goliath,” begins the Wizard, “we are close to the dragon’s cave, and we must prepare ourselves to fight the dragon—not with the sword I gave you, but with kindness.” “But you told me I would need the sword to defeat the dragon!” Goliath protests. “No,” replies the wizard. “The sword was for the pirates! You cannot defeat a dragon with a sword.” The wizard laughs like a crazy old man. “In the morning,” he continues, “I will give you odd but useful things. You must rest to be able to fight the dragon.” The three lie down and rest. The Candy Dragon In the morning, Samuel gives Goliath stones, normal sour melons, and a replica of the sour melon. Samuel Tonks disappears again. Max and Goliath realize they are on their own and go into the cave. They use the stones to test for booby traps. All of them are set off, and they can pass through safely. At the end of the cave, they arrive at the dragon’s lair. The dragon isn’t so different from Goliath. The scrolls say differently, but he knows otherwise. She is lonely too, and most anger stems from loneliness, after all. The cave turns into Pixy Stix caverns, which look like they have seen one too many meteorites. Goliath cringes, but his fear of the asteroid destroying his home keeps him moving, keeps him holding a kitchen sword and shield made of Tootsie Rolls, which everyone knows are impenetrable. They come up to the dragon and offer her sour lemons as an offering. She accepts them and asks why Max and Goliath came to her cave. They tell the dragon about the asteroid and that they need one last rare candy in order to save the world. The dragon knows exactly what candy they are talking about and pulls from her great stack of candy a beautiful, pink rose. She hands it to Max, who places it in his bag with the other candies. Continued on next page B U R G E R S I N S PA C E A N D O T H E R U LT I M A T E A D V E N T U R E S

They thank the dragon for her kindness, and just as they are about to leave, the dragon stops them. “Before you head off, know that I’m coming with you. Hop on my back,” she says. The dragon carries them out of the cave and leaps into the air. Out of nowhere, Samuel Tonks appears on the back of the dragon. “What are you doing back here?” Max asks, surprised. “Ha! Well, someone has got to eat all the candy and know the ancient words to conjure the force field, and I know you two dunderheads can’t do that,” he laughs maniacally. “Max,” Goliath begins, “can you make a portal for us to go through so we can get back home?” “Yup,” Max replies, and he forms a portal big enough for the dragon and her three passengers to fit through. The Jaw-breaking Asteroid They arrive home, but time is running out—the asteroid is getting closer and closer. It is going to destroy everything! The dragon sets them onto the ground, and they mix all the candy. Samuel Tonks begins eating it and reciting the ancient magic spells. The asteroid is coming fast, and even though Samuel is eating the candy as fast as he can, it does not seem to be working. The jawbreaker asteroid enters the atmosphere. It begins to grow hot. The air is as thick as gelatin as the crowd of the candy-shaped inhabitants begin to get scared. They murmur, “Where are Goliath, Max, and the candy dragon?” The asteroid is nearing, glowing as it enters the atmosphere. Samuel Tonks is eating the candy and saying the words as fast as he can, but it isn’t working! “The asteroid is too close! We need a plan!” yells Goliath. 14

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“Oh no, I think we are too late,” Max says. “The asteroid is here!” “Worry not, little ones,” the candy dragon says. “This is what I was born to do.” The dragon launches off the ground and flies up to meet the asteroid! “THIS IS THE END!” Max screams in terror as the dragon flies in the air and, with her super sour disintegrating rope belt breath, disintegrates the jawbreaker and saves the planet! But destroying the asteroid takes all of her strength. She tragically falls from the sky. Max and Goliath run up to her with tears in their eyes. “Noo!” Goliath screams. “Come back to us, dragon!” “You can’t die!” Max cries. Next to the fallen dragon, Samuel Tonks eats the final piece of candy and utters the final words of the ancient spell. The world begins to glow around them, but the dragon is glowing brightest of all. The dragon is lifted into the air; the ancient candy magic brought her back to life. “I’m alive!” she shouts with glee. “I’m ALIVE!” She flies back down to Max and Goliath. “Oh, THANK YOU SO MUCH!” Goliath and Max say, crying very happy tears while hugging the dragon over and over. “No, thank you little ones. You gave me a purpose! And better yet, friends! Max, Goliath, Samuel. You have my eternal gratitude.” After the destruction of the great asteroid, there is a massive party and the whole planet celebrates! There is even a parade! And all is calm on this planet for all eternity. Probably...

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Scales of The Red Moon Virtual Session 1, Group B

Lunaflame, a dragon in a sacred magical forest, is captured one day by a hunter, an old friend from long ago. Lunaflame has giant, bat-like wings that change color with the time of day. In the day, they become light blue. At night, they become dark blue. She also has red flakes that look like flames on her body. While she looks young, her youth hides her true age of 3,859 years. Secretly, the hunter is being forced to capture Lunaflame because the government wants her scales. Lunaflame’s scales reflect light that can change with the time of day. The hunter, named Hunter, has mysterious dirty blonde hair. The hunter captures the dragon only to be stopped by a griffon at the edge of the forest. The creature is strong like a lion and graceful as a butterfly. The griffon commands, “I will let you pass if you answer my three riddles.” The hunter and the dragon tremble in fear. The two muster up the courage within and take the challenge. The griffon flaps his wings and states the first riddle: “What comes up but never comes down?” The hunter scratches his chin and replies, “A balloon?” The griffon swings its wings, and the force of air knocks the hunter unconscious. Lunaflame steps up to answer the riddle. “Age.” The winged beast asks the next question. “It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, cannot be heard, cannot be smelled. It lies behind stars and under hills, and empty holes it fills. It comes first and follows after, ends life, and kills laughter.” Lunaflame replies, “Darkness.” The griffon says nothing and continues. “What is black when it’s clean but white when it’s dirty?” 16

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Luna nods her head in thought and answers, “A chalkboard.” The griffon breathes a plume of smoke from its beak that affects Lunaflame’s wings, and it stomps its foot, then asks the next question. “Two mothers and two daughters go to a burger shop. They all eat their burger. Only three burgers were eaten. How is that possible?” Luna calmly states, “A grandmother, a daughter, and a mother go in.” The griffon, in anger, admits defeat and offers a flight to carry the two away back to the hunter’s home. Hunter takes the dragon to his house at the base of the Tall Mountain. The griffon leaves shortly after. The two spend the night, and the next morning they head out to traverse Tall Mountain. On their journey across Tall Mountain, Hunter and Lunaflame are joined by a fox named Rosey, who becomes Lunaflame’s friend. They travel easily over Small Mountain until they reach the spellbound, rickety, wooden rope bridge. At the head of the bridge, a cyclops tries to stop Hunter and kidnap Lunaflame for himself. The group manages to escape onto a bridge, where the spell cast on the bridge whispers into Lunaflame’s and Rosey’s ears to try to divide them and get them to turn on each other. Lunaf lame ignores the voices, but Rosey cannot. Rosey tries to push Lunaf lame off the bridge because of the voices, and she would have succeeded had the cyclops not lit the bridge on fire, forcing the group to run quickly to the other side. Hunter manages to take Lunaflame to a super-secret government facility, where he is given his reward and sent away.

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What happens to Lunaflame in the facility? Regardless, she and Rosey undertake a daring plan to escape that goes nearly perfectly until they get to the front door of the government facility. Standing in their way is an evil alicorn named Eclipse, who plans to steal Lunaflame’s scales for himself just like the cyclops. Lunaflame and the fox stand in confrontation of the evil alicorn. The alicorn shoots a flash of light at the two heroes, instantly blinding them. Lunaflame flies up and shoots a fireball at the alicorn. The alicorn vanishes, turning invisible into its surroundings, and the fireball misses. Lunaflame and the fox are bewildered. A voice shoots into the minds of the our heroes: “Everything you have done is wrong,” it mocks. Lunaflame remembers an ancient hymn from her homeland. She belts it out and hypnotizes the alicorn, causing him to be visible again. She commands the villain into the shade and shoots a fireball to her opponent. A flash shines. The fox and Lunaflame awaken from a sudden slumber to see the alicorn defeated. It all happened in their mind. Hunter comes back into their vision. He is in a damaged state: mentally unstable, with bite marks and a broken leg. He explains how he was attacked by a strange animal and apologizes to Lunaflame and the fox for getting them into this mess. Hunter hears a noise and suddenly wakes up...

The story is being told by Lunaflame in the hunter’s dream, but the hunter isn’t actually asleep. He was eaten by the cyclops, is now a ghost, and is reliving the memories of his life. All of that is being read from a book by a mother to her daughter at bedtime. The mother reading the story is actually a scene from a movie that the fox and alicorn are watching that was created by the government in an effort to steal Lunaflame’s scales. The real story begins at the beginning of our story, where the hunter is about to kidnap Luna Flame from the sacred forest.

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The $70,000 Pizza Big Mac™ Adventure Session 2, Morning Group

Brook Thomas, the speckled lizard deer, had a large crop farm in Houston, Texas with their mother. On that farm, there was a $70,000 Pizza Big Mac™. However, there was an evil purple alligator with five eyes named Professor Kobe Russell, aka Chad Chad, who had Brook’s mother. He was holding her hostage. In order to get her back, Brook had to trade the $70,000 Pizza Big Mac™. Unfortunately, it turned out Professor Kobe Russell was possessed by aliens, and they had ray guns! Brook’s friend Madeline Blackrose the Snake came to help. Professor Kobe Russell needed to be saved from being possessed by the aliens. Brook and Madeline hypnotized the Professor out of being possessed. All of a sudden, French Satan, a monstrous human with goat horns and an elephant trunk, appeared. To fight him off, Brook and Madeline summoned Ashes, the epic blue phoenix. Airhorns intensified. Ashes lunged at French Satan but was knocked out of the sky by his opponent. French Satan turned their $70,000 Pizza Big Mac™ into a monster that fired cheese ray guns. It covered Brook Thomas and the farm in cheese! Suddenly [REDACTED]1 arrived and zapped the aliens and the cheese ray gun Big Mac™ monster. The cheese ray gun Big Mac™ monster exploded and covered EVERYTHING in cheese. Ashes got distracted and tried to eat the remains of the Big Mac™ Monster. Then the remains reassembled and returned to being a $70,000 Pizza Big Mac™. The whole gang ate the $70,000 Pizza Big Mac™ for brunch. Suddenly, French Satan shot a ribbon of melted gouda cheese out of his trunk, completely coating Ashes and freezing him for five minutes. [REDACTED], Brook, and Madeline battled French Satan for an entire day. Then a giant baby named Big Baby came out of nowhere and crushed French Satan before heading back home for a nap. 1 Who was actually called Nameless Kiki the Hummingbird, but the gang didn’t know that yet, so her name only appeared as “[REDACTED]” B U R G E R S I N S PA C E A N D O T H E R U LT I M A T E A D V E N T U R E S

The aliens who possessed Professor Kobe Russell, aka Chad Chad, were still on the loose. Brook Thomas sneaked onto the spaceship and freed their mother. Then Big Baby, [REDACTED], Brook, Ashes, and Madeline had to fight off the aliens! Big Baby swatted the alien spaceship, blasting it into thin air. Victory! Big Baby went back home for another nap. Then the whole gang hopped on Ashes’s back and flew to McDonald’s. They all ordered another $70,000 Pizza Big Mac™. Brook went back to the farm with their mom. [REDACTED], Ashes, and Madeline formed a superhero team and protected Texas for the rest of time!

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Milkageddon Session 2, Afternoon Group

There once was a small island populated by a small number of villagers. On this island grew apple trees, and the villagers used bells as currency. They population was generally cooperative, and some of the villagers were goat farmers that regularly tended to their herds to produce goat’s milk for the island. One of them was a villain named Sherman who lived in a tent. He often wore a lab coat because he was a mad cereal scientist. In an unfortunate cereal science accident one day, he transformed his human body into a silver spoon. He still had a human head, and he was a spoon man. Sherman had spent his time on this island to discover the secrets of cereal in order to pay off his massive debts. Ironically, his debts were a result of buying excessive amounts of overpriced cereal. Mr. Weird Face Guy, who was known for always moving his eyebrows, lived in a tent next to him. Mr. Weird Face Guy had a wrinkly, angry face, with a big butt-chin and crooked teeth. He wore an eye patch over one eye. One night, Mr. Weird Face Guy became suspicious of Sherman when he found that one of the villager’s tent lights were off. He heard loud baby-like cries for help coming from Sherman’s tent and decided to peek his one eye into it. Mr. Weird Face Guy saw Sherman demonstrating something on the table to one of the fork villagers. “Malk first, cereal after,” he was saying, shaking the bag of off-brand store cereal into the brew. Mr. Weird Face Guy’s face grew hot with fury. “HEY! Those are my peanut butter chocolate puffs!” He stormed into Sherman’s tent. The very short and fat fork villager looked frightened, but not at the oneeyed guy. She was transfixed by the bowl of milk as Sherman continued to pour cereal into it.

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“You didn’t see anything, Mr. Weird Face Guy.” Sherman waggled a cereal spoon in front of his face. Mr. Weird Face Guy woke up in his tent again. Ughhh what happened? Did I get the cereal? He rolled around to his side and felt his back. He had a longer tailbone? Mr. Weird Face Guy felt hungry and walked over to his stash to grab a bowl, some peanut butter chocolate puffs, and a jug of milk. Instinctively, he poured a big splash of milk into his bowl first. By the time he realized what he had done, it was too late. He shook the cereal into the bowl and was met by three lonely puffs in a sea of milk. Mr. Weird Face Guy silently stepped out of his tent, bowl in hand. He went tent to tent for the rest of his days, proclaiming how superior it was to pour milk first, cereal after. And the world plunged into pure chaos. Milkageddon.

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The Story of 45 Minutes Virtual Session 2, Group A

Once upon a time, there was an owl with human legs named Attack Helicopter who lived in an owl colony filled with other owls with human legs. All of the owls were born with human legs. Attack Helicopter couldnâ€™t fly because he was bitten by a radioactive human, but he could make really good scrambled eggs. There was a war going on in the owl colony. There was also a colony where snakes with human heads lived. Attack Helicopter (AH) had to infiltrate the snake colony because he wanted to help in ending the war; the snake colony had a mysterious sEcReT wEapOn, and the owl colony wanted to use it AH was indifferent to everyone. But he would fall in love later in our grand tale... AH ran into a purple talking bear named Barney Bibo that tried to eat him, so he ran away. On his journey, AH came across a bridge with a poisonous orange juice river beneath it. It was guarded by a tap-dancing llama named Amall. AH had to win a tap-dancing battle against Amall in order to cross the bridge. If AH lost, he would get thrown into the poisonous orange juice river. Luckily, AH won the tap-dancing battle against Amall. He swung across a vine in an evil-squirrel-infested tree. The evil squirrels had human arms! There was a nonbinary snake named Jeff being held hostage by the evil, human-armed squirrels, who also wanted to end the war and with whom AH fell madly in love. AH rescued Jeff by diving into an arm wrestling contest with one of the squirrels. AH had super long legs, and he kicked the squirrels out of the tree. AH and Jeff teamed up to end the war, but they realized their passion for each other was too strong, and they almost got diverted from their planâ€Ś Continued on next page B U R G E R S I N S PA C E A N D O T H E R U LT I M A T E A D V E N T U R E S

Meanwhile, Barney Bibo and paid henchman Amall were on the tail of AH and Jeff because Barney Bibo was hungry and only ate owls IF they had human legs. AH and Jeff had to pass through The Great Snake Temple to get to the snake colony, where they encountered a labyrinth full of things meant to distract, such as: funhouse mirrors, Rubik’s Cubes, an IMAX movie theater playing a movie of their lives, a candy mountain, and venomous snakes. The candy mountain caught their eye, and they ate all the candy and were too sick to leave the next day, so they stayed there. They were cornered by the venomous snakes. AH kicked the snakes away. Jeff was wearing a dress with pockets that had flamethrowers. Rock on. Jeff pulled the flamethrower out of their dress and took AH as hostage in order to trick the snakes. Jeff then backed up and turned the flamethrower onto a wall, setting the wall on fire and causing it to collapse so that the snakes couldn’t get them. They both grabbed a box of Twizzlers and left. Before exiting the temple, they stumbled upon a special potato left in a supply drop for the rebel snake army. Carved onto the potato was a map of the labyrinth. They stole this potato map from the snake army. They considered eating the potato, and then it screamed out, “NO! Don’t eat me!” The potato had a face like the orange YouTube face. The potato’s name was Tater Tot. Tater Tot thought she was an orange. “If you’re gonna eat me, JUICE me first.” Tater Tot knew she was a map. God, with a Western accent, came down. “Yer a potaty now, kid. You never were an ernj. Yer the map to get outta this here temple, you lil’ dumbdy dumb,” said God. They got out of The Great Snake Temple and got into the snake colony. It looked like a bright green color in a snake scale pattern. They all wore sunglasses. They had swag. Duh. Their human heads were perfect for sunglasses. They stepped in, and the snakes all stared at them. What AH didn’t know 24

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was that Jeff had a fiancé in the snake colony. Barney Bibo was Jeff’s sEcRet fiAncé. Barney Bibo disguised himself as a snake to sneak into the colony. Amall was wearing a snakeskin jacket to disguise themself. AH and Tater Tot were imprisoned immediately. AH broke his leg in prison and started to bleed out. AH began to hallucinate. AH tried to eat Tater Tot. During all of this, Barney Bibo and Jeff were getting ready for their wedding, their wartime wedding. “No, I do love you,” Jeff said. “NO, I LOVE YOU MOAH,” said Barney Bibo. They grabbed Jeff and pulled them close by the snake neck. “I NEVER LOVED YOU, BARNEY BIBO. It was an arranged marriage,” Jeff revealed. The whole wedding party gasped at the same time. “I turned my fur purple for YOU. If I can’t have you, NO ONE CAN,” said Barney Bibo. Barney Bibo pulled out the secret weapon: seasoning for scrambled eggs—magical seasoning dust like Sazon but not Goya. AH and Barney Bibo fought for the secret weapon. Amall revealed they were a double agent working for Tater Tot. They took out a fishing rod that snatched the seasoning. AH puked up Tater Tot. Tater Tot was mashed potatoes. Jeff kicked some glue to Tater Tot, who glued herself back together using her spoon arms. She became…a HASH BROWN FOR THE GREATER GOOD of humanity. Tater Tot used Everything But The Bagel seasoning and herself to make a delicious dish. Jeff gave the snake eggs to AH as a token of their love. The secret weapon was THE ULTIMATE BREAKFAST made of the rival snake eggs. “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life,” AH said as he began to cook THE ULTIMATE BREAKFAST. The wedding guests didn’t notice AH cooking snake eggs with the flameB U R G E R S I N S PA C E A N D O T H E R U LT I M A T E A D V E N T U R E S

thrower because they were hypnotized by the aroma of Tater Tot’s newly seasoned hash brown form—Everything But the Bagel seasoning that wafted through like a savory cologne. The snake colony was starving, and the owl colony was stockpiling food. This is what started the war. By cooking THE ULTIMATE BREAKFAST, AH was giving an olive branch of peace to the people of the snake colony. Who were snakes. But had people heads. Barney Bibo was deathly allergic to the seasoning. He was holding onto it so that his greatest allergy could not be used against him. The savory cologne of Tater Tot’s hash brown form wafted over to Barney Bibo’s nostrils and killed him. French Satan floated on down and was all like, “Allo Barney Bibo, I am ze devile. I have come to take you houme nouw.” Western God floated on down and was all like, “I’m gonna make this wedding HAPPEN, y’all.” Western God officiated the wedding between AH and Jeff. Barney Bibo had been defeated. The ultimate breakfast has been made. AH and Jeff get married and live happily ever after, uniting the owl and snake colonies once and for all. Never forget…the ultimate breakfast was made…WITH SNAKE EGGS.

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Exquisite Corpse Poem Virtual Session 2, Group A

You gave me life, but I gave you death. You gave me happiness, but I gave you sadness. You gave me freedom, but I gave you problems. You gave me a second chance, but I gave you none. You came back, and I left you. You forgave me, while I never did. You finally walked away, and I called out. You yelled at me while I cried. You gave me everything I gave you, and I felt betrayed. You left me in the dust, and I missed you. There’s a lot to hate in love and war. At a distance, their meeting looked somewhere between a kiss and a car crash. Leaves swaying in a tree from the breeze is green. Leprechauns’ outfits are supposedly green. And lastly, this doorway in front of me that leads to happiness is green. We wrote a labyrinth so we could watch Labyrinth. The sun set pinkly out of frame. Barney Bibo came back from the dead. The purple dinosaur was royalty on daytime television. Paper fans became butterflies after I drank my lotion potion. I wanted the Reptar Wagon for Christmas. Competing flurries of doves buzz the river surface one last time. Bread life jam life ham life. Instead, my parents got divorced. #SamanthaIsBigBrother I’m not ready to be real this morning. We are the world, we are the children. My cat finds the strangest places to fall asleep. I made some soup and poured it in a loop de loop. B U R G E R S I N S PA C E A N D O T H E R U LT I M A T E A D V E N T U R E S

Sometimes I wonder if he feels like I do. Garden party, picnic basket, candy casket. He only escapes sometimes, and I always find him in the bushes outside the patio. Flower power, story hour, sweet ‘n’ sour, yours not ours. All else was hushed as the drivers stepped from their kissing cars. Sister, sister, don’t know how much I missed her. I never went too far from home, either, out of fear of being alone. They stole the... Still not ready to be real. Stay awake all night if I can last it. They walked toward each other, intention writ large on their faces. Most days I’d rather play video games than look for a second job. A potato flew around my room. A dog was barking. I stayed in bed. I hate Mondays. A yawn is a silent scream for coffee. Glitter is my favorite color. Kk, I hate glitter. IDK what’s happening. I want to have human contact. Ohh, I love cake. “It’s today,” said one, his hands clasped behind his black turtleneck. I have to learn to do, so I can say, because I cannot say what I don’t do. Lucy, you drink coffee? No. But doing for the sake of saying is the wrong reason to do anything. Sometimes. It’s not true. The world felt like it was crashing down all around me. Everything I worked so hard for was gone. Everything I wanted to protect was gone. I felt like I was slipping away. He would be gone. She WAS gone. My trust with humanity would never be the same. People used to be kind, but now they were cheering us on. This battle was terrifying. Mostly for him, not for me. HE lived with these people, ate with these people. He shared his whole life with these people. THEY were all dead. 28

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EVERYONE who knew was DEAD. This was like The Hunger Games gone wrong. WORSE. Coffee stunts your growth! Yes, it does. My little brother also got sick from the smell of coffee when he was a kid and now he’s 6’4”. One time I thought a cup of coffee was hot chocolate and I took a sip and spit it out. It was HORRIBLE!

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Group Story Virtual Session 2, Group B

On a planet that no one has gone to, somewhere in the future, there is a mysterious cave and a supercow that shoots out chicken nuggets. There is a planet of supercows. Their world’s ice is melting, which will cause a heat wave so hot that the planet will explode! The supercows then have to travel to Earth, where they find out the ways of humans to research why their planet is being destroyed. On planet Earth, the supercows get ambushed by a horde of 200 robots. It is the afternoon, and the robots gleam in the sun as they battle due to the french fry grease that lubricates their gears. Their thoughts are as merciless as the thoughts of a spider catching its prey. The group of supercows point and shoot their lasers, defeating the robots. The supercows find McDonald’s and steal all the food at the famous burger chain. One cow gets captured by superbot. He is put in a super-strong, windowless metal box. His friends don’t realize he is gone. Through their research and consumption of burgers, the supercows come to find that McDonald’s is actually the most powerful corporate being in the world! The supercow goes to the rest of the army in order to prepare to take down the rest of the McDonald’s armada. They team up with Chick-fil-A, Burger King, and In-N-Out, which are now criminals to all. Together, all parties eat together in preparation for the big battle ahead. Burt the supercow plans to escape from jail mysteriously in order to battle Gerald the blue unidog, the head of the McDonald’s Empire. He is stuck in jail with a penguin, his cell mate who was sold some valuable ice cream. The penguin, with his keen senses, realizes that the robots did not take away Burt’s radioactive blob ray, and they zap the box they are stuck in. It shrinks into a little box that they will keep for later, and they escape. They knew they had to go to the location shown to Burt in a dream by Gerald the blue unidog, guarded by a Voltronian warrior where Gerald’s secret lies. 30

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The secret is a key. The key is a scroll containing a description of sausage that can incinerate anybody. The heroes know from the description that Gerald has the incinerating sausage and that he must be defeated. Gerald is located at Burger Palace, the largest McDonaldâ€™s in the empire, located on top of a mountain. Out front stands the Statue of Liberty Fries, beckoning the hungry. They sneak in, disguised as guards, and confront Gerald. The three have a conversation about food, which is not altogether unpleasant, but then they remember that they must battle. Burt, wielding the French Fry Sword taken from the Voltronian guard, slays Gerald in battle! The world after Gerald is better and worse. It is new and different.

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Group Poem Virtual Session 3

Alphabet blocks and watery eyes.  Sunshine and lonely buttercup stars.  Tea is God juice. This is my statement on why we should get rid of the emus. I was catching falling leaves, helicopters overhead. Thump in your chest and beat in the music. Done. One day, I had asked my teacher if I could use the restroom. Justice is more complicated than it sounds. Butterfly stickers and painted smiles. C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me The trees tremble under whirring blades. He said yes, so I started walking and tripped on a bunch of backpacks.  Colorful Band-Aids and burning concrete roads.  This is the most ambitious project seen in generations.  I had done it.  They’re essentially just off-brand ostriches.  Elmer’s glue and a broken vase.  D is for donut—what rhymes with donut?  Backs knotting under bladed tension.  White plastic kitchens and hallucinated memories.  They’re very dumb and scary, and I don’t like them. I had become the first emperor of Rome, met the Egyptian queen, and glorified Rome.  Only got six.  Coffee is devil juice (still, I must have it every day).  About a dozen people were watching—no kidding—and they all started laughing hysterically.  Cardboard boxes and a little kitten.  Upon waking, I silence my alarm.  Josh jumped over the fence, Max close behind him.  White piano keys and a harsh sound.  32

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I remember my first experience with one of their kind.  I was SUPER embarrassed.  Upon waking, I conjure a fresh alarm.  Cats have a funny way of guiding my life  I was walking through the streets when I came to the poverty-filled areas.  Common folk. Silencing headphones and closed doors.  Every alarm interval embarrasses me back into dreaming.  I was on a camping trip with my Girl Scout troop, and they had an emu there.  So I ran out of the classroom and all the way to the restrooms without looking back.  E is for ecstasy, which they should have used to name a perfume: “Ecstasy, the new fragrance by Calvin Klein.” I hated it.  I was told to come talk to the Senate  Look up. There, beyond that cloud. Do you see it? It’s not proud. Just a humble star. But breathe. It’s so beautiful. Look at in the eye. Do you want to touch it? Go. Be free. Fly. But don’t forget to breathe. The beauty is breathtaking. Remember to breathe, for a talk.  I dream of forests full of helicopters.  I stared into its cool, dead eyes.  There was another time when I was talking to my friend.  It’s not water we hear, it’s low flight.  F is for follies, the games we play.  G is for golly, eyes of shock and awe.  When I joined them, they looked at me strangely.  There’s no water covering the lakebed.  He had said something funny, and as I was laughing, I did this weird thing. It caused snot to fly out of my nose! Continued on next page B U R G E R S I N S PA C E A N D O T H E R U LT I M A T E A D V E N T U R E S

H is for hexagon, tiles on a bar floor at 9:00 p.m. That moment on, I made it my mission to get rid of them.  He tumbled into the bushes, got up, ran, and dove into the pool.  There’s no rest in this knotted, dry sleep.  And the worst part was that I couldn’t get a tissue.  I asked if they were okay, and one said, “Maybe you should ask yourself.”  I is for intergalactic—take me to another planet.  J is for janky.  I don’t condone violence, so I don’t think we should just kill them.  So my friend was laughing at me while I was just standing there.  I stuttered as they came toward me, slowly surrounding me  K is for pocket kaleidoscope, the one I lost when I was eleven.  Maybe we just lock them in a cellar and they eventually just go extinct.  My own son, Brutus, took out a pugio, roman dagger.  And I couldn’t look away because behind me, there was a whole line of people. I was Gaius Julius Caesar. I don’t care how we get rid of them, as long as they got away. Max followed, both of them going to the bottom, sitting there calmly as they blended in with the water. The ghost of my pesto is haunting me. The last of the Roman dictators. “That was close. Really close,” Max said, lying down, wiping a leaf off of his leg. The raging heat of the lava, just a couple of layers down, always kept me awake. It always seemed harsh down here even though we have it all figured out. “Did you manage to snag it? Oh, bad question, of course you didn’t.” “Nope. You obviously didn’t.” A paperclip clashes onto the ground. It makes a tink as it hits the floor. No one cares or notices. A splitting headache is upon you. You glance around and notice you are a paperclip. You. Are. Not. Supposed. to. Be. ALIVE! You sit down, pondering what to do. You cannot move. Does destiny always torture souls? You wonder; then it clicks. Karma. You must have been really bad to reincarnate as a paperclip. But why here in the classroom, because there are just paperclips here? So is this where you hurt people? Why here? 34

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We have procedures in case those rubble slabs started rubbling. I have always wondered, what if we were higher? Would we have to worry as much? I like to think that on the surface is a fellow one of us who became perfect... What is perfect? Can I find it? We donâ€™t even know what we are after all these years. Whatâ€™s stopping me from reaching the surface?

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Building Our Future: The Queer Escape Virtual Session 4

In the wild jungles outside of Space Portland, there was an asylum. In the asylum, it was very dark and gloomy. People felt dreadful and depressed, like there was no way out. There was no place to feel safe. Cherry and John had been there for months because they were queer. Cherry had slightly faded straight blue hair and kept it high in a bun. Her eyes were so blue that you could almost see diamonds in them. John had long brown hair and kept it one big braid. His brown eyes were as clear as the American River water. In the asylum, John and Cherry were being probed and tested via space therapy—a horrific form of experimentation. They had no idea what was going on. It was painful and terrifying. Cherry and John thought back to their days on Earth.

Seven years ago, John was getting ready for school with his mother, putting his socks and shoes on. John’s mom kissed him goodbye as he stepped on the sidewalk. He was walking down the street without a care in the world when a basketball knocked him down to the side of the road. “Okay, pass!” Cherry said to her brother, Jack. She saw the basketball fly over her head, and when she turned around, it had hit a boy in the head. She had seen this boy many times, and this was her chance to go talk to him. John was lying on the ground when a girl in purple showed up. “Sorry...” she said. John realized she was the person with the basketball and asked for her name. “It’s Cherry.” Fast forward a couple of months, and they were already best friends. Neither of them knew John was half robot, even with many clues of his super brawn and brains. They were both queer and were different from 36

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the others at school, which made them want to leave. This was also around the time when the finishing touches of Space Portland were done. They had helped each other as great friends and had been through so much together. They were seriously deciding if they wanted to move to Space Portland. They had to make a big decision. One month later, they were packing. They had enough of the oppression and couldn’t take it anymore. They felt that it was best for them. They had come to Space Portland to escape the oppression and start a community for others like themselves. Unfortunately, they got lost in the massive city and were picked up by Portland’s secret police. The Portland Secret Police brought them to a strange building. Outside of the asylum, the grass was black and so were the trees. There were no flowers, no area to play ball. It was opposite from Earth. With every step that they took, all they heard was the crunching sound on the ground, as if the ground was unstable. As they walked into the asylum, Cherry felt really unstable and felt like she is going to fall, so she had to hold onto John for support. There was a lot of yelling going on in the asylum. John couldn’t stand it. He felt like his eardrums would burst any second if he didn’t escape from this place. It turned out that space was just as oppressive as Earth….

Every day the torture in the asylum got worse and worse. Cherry and John were losing grip on reality and their memories of the outside world. They needed to escape. Sadly, they were kept in separate cells because the guards found out that they used to be friends. One day, Cherry was able to talk their way of the cell. Continued on next page B U R G E R S I N S PA C E A N D O T H E R U LT I M A T E A D V E N T U R E S

Meanwhile, John was getting his food slid in the slit, and with his superhuman strength he kept the slit open and punched the guard in the face. He wondered why he did that, until he realized he did that because he was planning to escape that day. He got his shank and stuck it in the lock. He wasn’t quite sure how to pick a lock, but he thought he got the hang of it. He heard a click, and he opened the door. Just as he was coming out, another guard was walking by and saw the first guard on the floor. The second guard started screaming and running around when he realized what Jon had done. John knew what he had to do. The second guard was running to set off the alarm, but John was faster. John tripped over something. He looked back, and there was nothing there. The guard had gotten to the alarm and set it off. John started yelling, “Fire, fire!” to make everyone think there was a fire instead of an escaped patient. Since everybody thought there was a fire, the guards let all the prisoners out, and John started running toward them. I finally get to escape! he thought to himself. He was running toward them when he saw his best friend, Cherry. “Cherry!” he yelled. Cherry turned around, wide-eyed. “Is it really you, John?” “Yes, Cherry; yes, it is.” John and Cherry were trying not to be noticed as they slid through the exit door. “They are going to notice that we are gone and that there is no fire,” pointed out Cherry. “Yes, that is true, so how about we burn it down!” John started laughing like a madman. “Maybe you should have stayed in the asylum,” Cherry said jokingly. John found a match on the ground.

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“Wow,” he said, “how convenient.” “I think we need some oil for it to burn,” said Cherry. John looked at the ground and there, somehow, was an oil can. “Again, how convenient,” John said as he poured the oil around the asylum and lit the match. John threw it at the asylum. When John threw the match at the asylum, it lit up in flames. It looked scary. Cracks started to appear on the outside of the building, and it started to collapse into ashes. “Wait, John, weren’t there still a lot of people in there?” Cherry asked. John shook his head, “When I pressed the fire alarm, all the cages opened. Everyone should have had a chance escape.” John and Cherry walked to a nearby hill and surveyed the chaos and wreckage of the burning asylum. John turned to Cherry and asked, “What now?” Cherry shouldered her old purple jacket, checking that it was still intact. When she was satisfied with its condition, Cherry turned to her best friend. “Now?” she said. “Now we do what we came here to do. Now we build. We find others like us, create a community. We wanted somewhere where we could go to be us, John. Now we build that.”

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THIS BOOK WAS PRODUCED IN PARTNERSHIP WITH

WITH MAJOR SUPPORT FROM

AND FUNDED IN PART BY

The Albert and Elaine Borchard Foundation

The Sacramento Office of Arts and Culture, with support from the City of Sacramento.