All the Natalie Portmans (excerpt) by C.A. Johnson

All the Natalie Portmans

by C. A. Johnson

CHARACTERS (in excerpt KEYONNA 16, smart, lonely, a dreamer SAMUEL 18, exceedingly kind, a high school dropout, a fixer

SETTING Northeast Washington, DC 2009

Keyonna, 16, flips through a magazine. Samuel, 18, considers the wall behind her, a meticulous collage of magazine cutouts and ads featuring American actresses.

SAMUEL You runnin’ outta room on this wall, you know.

KEYONNA So? SAMUEL So you might wanna slow your roll?

Or take some down.

KEYONNA Can’t take ‘em down.

SAMUEL Why not?

KEYONNA It’s called a dream board, Sam. You take any of ‘em down that’s like throwin’ away a dream.

SAMUEL Some of these are old though.

Look. Like you don’t need Winona Rider up here.

She ain’t made a movie in how long?

KEYONNA She gon make a comeback.

SAMUEL Says who?

KEYONNA Says the nigga who gon put her back on the map.

SAMUEL And you that nigga?

KEYONNA Screenplay gon be so tight, all them white folks gon forget she ever stole from that department store.

SAMUEL Ain’t nobody forgettin’ that, Key. Shit was hilarious.

KEYONNA You wanna bet?

SAMUEL No, I want you to slow down.

Ma ain’t gon like if you take up another one of her walls with this mess— KEYONNA (firm) It ain’t mess, Sam. Anyway, I know better than to take up another wall.

I don’t wanna fight with Ma, just as much as she don’t wanna fight with me.

Keyonna stops on a page in the magazine, and hold its up to the light, judging it.

SAMUEL Who you find?

KEYONNA Katie Holmes.

SAM Off Dawson’s Creek?

KEYONNA Yep. A full page spread.

SAMUEL Like she cute or some shit?

KEYONNA Whatchu mean “like she cute’?

SAMUEL I mean…she ain’t cute.

KEYONNA -SAMUEL She ain’t.

KEYONNA Who you think is cute then?

SAMUEL Kiki Shephard.

KEYONNA Off the Apollo?

SAMUEL Yep. KEYONNA But she old as cheese.

SAMUEL She vintage you mean.

KEYONNA No, I mean old.

But it ain’t like I expect you to have good taste.

SAMUEL Fuck you I got great taste.

KEYONNA Liiiikkkee?

SAMUEL Chantel.

Keyonna returns to her flipping.

KEYONNA Are we already back on Chantel?

SAMUEL You gotta admit she bad.

KEYONNA I ain’t gotta admit nothin’ on that front actually.

SAMUEL Just trust me, Key. When Chan come out them jeans I swear— KEYONNA Ughhhhhh no. Stop.

SAMUEL

It’s like pow!--KEYONNA Gahhhhhh Samuel— SAMUEL Pa dow!— KEYONNA SAM— SAMUEL (laughing) Aight. Aight.

I’ll stop.

KEYONNA I hate you.

SAMUEL You wish you hated me.

Something in the magazine grabs Keyonna’s attention. Her face lights up.

SAMUEL Let me guess.

Natalie Portman.

KEYONNA You know it.

He grabs a nearby pair of scissors and holds them out to her. Keyonna takes them with a smile and begins cutting out the image.

SAMUEL You really think she all that?

KEYONNA I’m tellin’ you, Sam. She the best in the game right now.

SAMUEL Better than Charlize Theron?

KEYONNA Well, no but that ain’t even a fair comparison.

They wouldn’t even be offered the same parts.

SAMUEL Still. Half this damn wall used to be Charlize.

KEYONNA What’s your point?

SAMUEL How come Natalie get to be half the damn dream board?

KEYONNA Because.

If I can write a role for Natalie.

I can write a role for anybody.

I mean...it’d have to be somebody smart, but sweet, and kinda sexy in an untouchable way.

Like...one part princess...one part stripper...one part Russian Spy. You know?

SAMUEL Not really.

KEYONNA Hollywood is full of beautiful, talented women, Sam. And I see that. I honor it.

And someday I’mma make mad money exploiting the hell out of it.

Natalie is my ticket.

SAMUEL Still. If it was me, I’d be putting up more Gabrielle Union. A lil’ more Sanaa Lathan.

Plus, you ain’t even got Nia Long up here.

KEYONNA That’s cause my tastes is varied, nigga.

Also, what you call that right there?

SAMUEL I call that one picture of Whoopi Godlberg.

KEYONNA Whoopi is a bombass actor.

SAMUEL In what?

KEYONNA THE COLOR PURPLE! What are you even askin’ me right now?