Voice Without Body (excerpt) by Celeste Yim

67 LEE In regular, everyday life, there’s struggle.

JOON And for some, not all, there’s suffering.

LEE Your Special Day shows you that Living here together is possible.

That making plans for the future is exciting.

That there’s still more to do.

[THEME MUSIC] JOON Malfie works out a lot.

If I am going to get Malfie to stay, I have to–– MALFIE Meet me where I am? What does that mean?

JOON I want to go running with you.

MALFIE But you hate running JOON No I don’t.

JOON I hate running.

MALFIE Can you run?

JOON Everyone can run JOON Hate it so much.

MALFIE You move verrrrry slowly

68 JOON Then it’ll be easy for you MALFIE Okay . .

Let’s go [THEME MUSIC] JOON Running is hateful And it’s night time I have this philosophical belief Which is that if it’s night time And you’re running Then I fucking hate you But there’s no one I hate more than my fucking self, so––

[HEAVY BREATHING] JOON So How often . . . . . .

Do you go . .

Do you run?

MALFIE Every night after work, You watch me close my laptop Change into sweats Tie up my shoes And go for a run

69 Every night JOON So Every night?

MALFIE Yes. You know this.

JOON It’s expos.

MALFIE Oh I see . .

Your obsession with recording your conversations is sick JOON What’s . . .

Sick About an archive . . .

What’s sick about . . .

Wanting to remember?

MALFIE Do you need to slow down?

JOON No MALFIE How are things going with the guy?

70 JOON Which guy?

MALFIE Classic JOON Married guy?

I broke it off.

MALFIE You felt guilty about it?

JOON . .

Yeah.

MALFIE That’s good.

It’s good to have as few secrets as possible, It’s too hard to edit yourself all the time.

Takes a lot of real estate, up here JOON Malfie is pointing to their head.

MALFIE I saw that the job posting is up JOON Yep MALFIE Finally JOON I could still take it down . .

If you’re having doubts?

MALFIE No, I sent it to a friend

71

JOON Which friend?

MALFIE You don’t know them.

JOON What kind of skills do they have?

MALFIE They have all the skills they need, and 6 years of experience.

Why did you wait so long to put it up?

I’m not going to help you after I leave, I told you that.

JOON Do you want me to cry I already can’t breathe . .

How can I cry if I can’t breathe?

MALFIE It’s the truth.

JOON How are you so sure that you want to leave?

MALFIE Look at me.

JOON I’m looking at Malfie, really looking at them.

JOON Okay then I’ll hire someone Some idiot Or your friend Or whoever MALFIE Great

72 JOON Malfie .

What . . .

What kind of people do you usually date?

MALFIE Why do you wanna know?

JOON You never talk to me about it.

MALFIE You’re my boss.

JOON You’re fired.

MALFIE . .

There are two kinds of girls who are usually interested in me.

There’s this very bubbly kind of nice girl Who like, Covers her face when she laughs.

And she loves to dance and is really cute and sweet And she gets bored of me really fast Then there’s this second type, which is usually a girl with my exact gender Who hasn’t really figured herself out yet, Neither of them are right for me.

JOON How do you want them to be instead?

MALFIE Both of those types can’t figure out if they want to be with me or be like me, I want someone who knows the difference.

I used to want to be the taller and stronger and more masculine one.

That was important to me, even when I had long hair.

73 JOON You had long hair? How long?

MALFIE Like here?

JOON They’re pointing to their butt.

JOON No!!!

Really?

MALFIE Yes! JOON If I squint, I can picture it . .

Cute MALFIE I cherished it. I held onto my physical femininity for so long.

I remember this boy in school had long hair.

He seemed to be on the other side of the spectrum than me, He was effeminate and we both had this non-binary descriptor of long hair.

I needed to have it long, it was so important to me that it felt long and had weight, even though I felt very masculine. I don’t remember when that changed, but I vividly remember cutting it all off.

It felt like a hundred pounds came off my back.

And then my hair got all wavy like this. It was really, really straight before.

My friend who’s a hairdresser told me that your hair changes two or three times throughout your life and that my hair is supposed to be the way it is now, wavy.

JOON What do you want to be now?

An unemployed effeminate DJ with short and wavy hair?

MALFIE All I want now is to be very very very simple with very very very very simple needs.

I wish I could be a girl that has a boyfriend or wants a boyfriend I want to be very very very very very beautiful I don’t want to try to achieve all these complex, unattainable goals.

74 JOON I’m really looking at them.

JOON I always date the wrong people.

The ones who turn out to be fucking nightmares The quiet ones who keep secrets And the secret is that they’re a fucking nightmare .

I was on a bad date with this girl.

She was my ex’s ex and also a media person.

We had a lot in common. I had this whole plan but when I meet up with her, she has to pee so badly, so I tell her that we can change the plan and go to a bar I know.

We’re walking to the bar and we’re laughing and I’m about to text my ex––we’re still good friends––that it’s going great and thank you for introducing us.

And I turn around and she’s squatting down on the side of the road, skirt flipped up over her thighs, peeing on the side of the road.

It was like 7pm.

People were walking by, fully looking.

I’m playing it cool, like haha, trying to laugh and not make a big deal about it but my thumbs are flying on my phone.

I text another friend who knows her––not my ex––that she’s PEEING in the MIDDLE of the fucking street. What is she, a dog? I’m so embarrassed, should I ditch the date?

And she’s peeing, she’s STILL peeing.

And then her phone buzzes.

And she goes, “You just texted me that you think I’m a dog.”

MALFIE Did that actually happen?

JOON Yes. MALFIE You have the recording?

JOON I nod yes.

MALFIE It doesn’t sound like it’s a secret that the people you date are nightmares.

JOON . .

75 What do you think of my husband?

MALFIE I don’t really know him, JOON Yes you do, You’ve listened to so many recordings.

MALFIE That’s because you treat me like an intern And you can’t keep your computer organized for shit JOON Interns don’t get paid.

MALFIE Fine, like a personal assistant who you hate JOON You’ve probably listened back to more of the recordings than me.

You probably know what’s going on between us better than I do, MALFIE That’s insane to say You’re insane JOON It’s not! You can probably see it more clearly than me.

Parts of our relationship, at least.

I’m sure of it. .

What do you think of him?

MALFIE .

I think He’s the only person you protect.

[HEAVY BREATHING]