BUNDLE OF STICKS excerpt by J. Julian Christopher

Bundle of Sticks _______________________________________ A full-length play

By J. Julian Christopher

REPRESENTATION: Evan Morse The Gersh Agency 41 Madison Avenue, 33rd Floor New York, NY 10010 emorse@gersh.com 212.634.8169

CHARACTERS

FRANCISCO - 40, Dominican. Wholeheartedly wants to be heterosexual ABRAM - 50, Russian Bukahrian Jew, relocated to Brisbane, Australia. Resistent to the group.

GREGOS - 25, Greek, hairy, hot, muscled, Straight out of a Colt Magazine. Wants to change.

GEMI - 20, Indonesian, lived all over the world. Quick-witted. Resistent to conversion.

OTTO - 45, Australian, runs The Sticks. He believes in his mission.

TYREE - 35, American, Black, Army Veteran. There to save his relationship with Gemi. __________________________________________________ SHARON - 45, Abram's wife. (played by FRANCISCO) SAULA - 30, Gregos' fiance (played by ABRAM) SOLEDAD - 22, Francisco's daughter (played by TYREE) AN AMERICAN - (played by GREGOS) WALTER NAIRN - Australian Politician representing the electorate of Perth for the Nationalist Party of Australia - served on the Wood Royal Commission Forest River Massacre Proceedings (played by OTTO) ERNEST GRIBBLE - Australian missionary. Advocate for better treatment of Australian Aborigines (played by GEMI) RAINBOW SERPENT - A life giver and protector of water.

SETTING

The Sticks - Global Conversion Therapy - Coober Pedy, Australia TIME Now.

NOTES NOT TO BE IGNORED: Scenes specified to be spoken in other languages can be accomplished in one of two ways actual translations with projected English subtitles or dialogue remaining in English but with projected subtitles in the language said to be spoken. The production can decide how ambitious they would like to be in this venture - but hey, it's theatre, so take a risk.

Cast should consist of all Women/Trans/Non-Binary actors.

All nudity is absurd. The use of strap-on penises and bizarre phalluses are imperative to the storytelling. Nudity should be exaggerated unless otherwise stated.

1.

III. A CONFRONTATION WITH GREGOS Meanwhile, back in the cave, GREGOS penetrates ABRAM. RAINBOW SERPENT appears, voiced by GEMI. This should be magic. RAINBOW SERPENT circles GREGOS body as he gives ABRAM the fuck of his life.

RAINBOW SERPENT DREAMTIME! GREGOS My mind!

RAINBOW SERPENT Your mind sways and bobs Just like your glorious prick That is giving this old man LIFE. GREGOS LIFE! RAINBOW SERPENT Life.

Interpreting the day's energy.

Energy often wasted.

It's time to dream GREGOS DREAMTIME! RAINBOW SERPENT Of your true self.

GREGOS Am I a liar man?

RAINBOW SERPENT No, Adonis.

Not you.

GREGOS No?

2.

RAINBOW SERPENT Not at all...

But a pink nail And a pump Can be just what a man needs!

GREGOS Am I pretty?

GREGOS stretches his arms out wide and grins from ear to ear, still thrusting ABRAM's willing ass with carefree abandon.

RAINBOW SERPENT Yes you are, bitch.

Yes, you are!

A flash.

Lights shift without pause into...

3.

IV. THE ORIGIN OF GREGOS We are now at A Liar Man - A bar in Athens.

The following scene is spoken in Greek.

RAINBOW SERPENT (V.O.) And now, in her first foray into drag, please be kind and give a big round of applause to... Vasílissa Ravdión!

RAINBOW SERPENT drapes GREGOS with the bedsheets that had formed its body. On the opposite side of the besheets is an amazing sequin fabric. It becomes a gown. They slip him into a perfectly styled red wig.

GREGOS performs a bluesy number (preferably Anita Baker's You Bring Me Joy). The lip sync is sloppy but free. The number is choreographed, but not polished. It's what makes it so charming.

On the last few chords of the song, the stage of A Liar Man transitions into a dressing room.

GREGOS is getting unfrocked. SAULA enters, embodied by ABRAM. SAULA You were sensational! Absolutely ravishing!

GREGOS I messed up the head isolations.

SAULA No one noticed. They were too busy looking at your tits!

GREGOS Saula!

SAULA Seriously, this breast plate import was worth every penny.

GREGOS Too many pennies.

4.

SAULA You don't have enough body fat to tape up for cleavage. The rest of those queens should be so lucky! You needed it. They looked real.

GREGOS They did not.

SAULA They did too. Nice bounce. Although, I felt like you were restricting your movement so the top of the plate didn't fall out. We will definitely need to invest in a thicker choker next time.

GREGOS There isn't going to be a next time.

SAULA Oh, stop it.

GREGOS Saula! I'm not doing it again.

SAULA (whining) Why not?

GREGOS Because it's ridiculous. Look at me.

SAULA The exact reason you must do it again.

GREGOS I have a five o'clock shadow ten minutes after I shave. I start out as Rita Hayworth and end as Poseidon.

SAULA That's because you're blending needs work.

GREGOS I'm hideous.

SAULA You are stunning.

GREGOS Stunningly square. I'm a walking refrigerator box.

5.

SAULA I told you, you need padding and a wig with volume. This flat number you insisted on doesn't proportion your face right. These are all problems that are easily solved.

GREGOS What will easily solve my shoulders?

SAULA The volume of the wig. Are you listening to me?

GREGOS Are you listening to you? What are we doing, Saula?

SAULA We are about to win a 100 Euro bartab. You were a hit.

GREGOS I can't be Vasílissa Ravdión...

SAULA Yes, you can. And I will be Mrs. Vasílissa Ravdión.

GREGOS No. SAULA And why not?

GREGOS It's not natural.

SAULA Why are you always apologizing for / being who you are?

GREGOS I'm not apologizing... Who I am? This is not who I am. This is who you want me to be.

SAULA I want you to be a drag queen?

GREGOS Yes. SAULA You've been talking about it for months. You're always wearing my nighties.

6.

GREGOS I was experimenting.

SAULA I'm not shaming you, Gregos. I'm supporting you.

GREGOS You're supporting me to be Pushto Malaka (shitting faggot).

SAULA You are not.

GREGOS Who do you want me to be?

SAULA I want you to be you.

GREGOS I am a man.

SAULA I never said you weren't.

GREGOS I can never give you what you want.

SAULA How do you know this isn't exactly what I want?

GREGOS Because I'm Pushto Malaka, Saula. Malaka.

SAULA Stop saying those things about yourself.

GREGOS Why? Because it makes it more difficult for you?

SAULA No, because it makes it more difficult for you. You are calling yourself these things. Monikers given by straight men.

GREGOS Oh my, Saula... do you ever stop with your progressive politics?

7.

SAULA We are not politics.

GREGOS What are we?

SAULA Anything we want to be. That's the point.

GREGOS You love me?

SAULA I absolutely do.

GREGOS You are buying me silicone boobs and rhinestone chokers.

SAULA Only the best.

GREGOS Why? SAULA Because you've wanted to do this for so long... You have to do it right.

GREGOS That's not what I mean.

SAULA What do you mean?

GREGOS I just don't understand what you want out of this.

SAULA What does it matter?

GREGOS It matters.

SAULA I want my best friend to be happy.

8.

GREGOS Yes. You are my best friend. But that's what you want for me? What do you want for you?

SAULA I want to be your wife.

GREGOS I don't understand it.

SAULA YOU DON'T NEED TO UNDERSTAND IT. I proposed to you because you are my soulmate. And you said yes because I am yours... I hope.

GREGOS There is no one I love more in my life than you.

SAULA There you have it.

GREGOS But we circle around the subject all the time. We pretend that we can live a happy married life, but...

SAULA But what?

GREGOS We can't. You know that.

SAULA I don't know that.. What is a happily married life? It's about confiding in one person. It's about sharing your day with that person, which I already do with you.

It's about trust...

GREGOS It is also about sex SAULA That's secondary.

GREGOS Okay, but it's something.

SAULA We have sex.

9.

GREGOS Right. You get the best friend and the pleasure...

SAULA I know sex with me is not necessarily what you are looking for but... (silence) Do you think I'm selfish?

GREGOS Never.

SAULA I want you to have pleasure too.

GREGOS I think I can...

SAULA I get that's what these types of arrangements call for, but I'm not sure I could handle an open relationship, Gregos.

GREGOS I'm not talking about that.

SAULA Okay.

GREGOS I think I can with you.

SAULA What?

GREGOS Have pleasure. True pleasure. I think there is another way.

A flash.

SAULA leaves ABRAM's body.

Lights shift and without pause into...