AN UNUSUAL REQUEST
INT. NIGHT - CAR
JOHNNY QUICK is sitting in his car. One hand is on the steering wheel, the other was holding a cigarette. He takes a smoke, and exhales. Rain is coming down on the windshield.
JOHNNY (V.O)
It was a stormy night, Scarlet. A cold night. The wind howled like any ordinary night. But this was no ordinary night.
CROSSFADE...
INT. NIGHT - OFFICE
JOHNNY is at his desk, doing paperwork. The only source of light is his desk lamp. He presses a button on the desk phone.
JOHNNY
Candy, my appointments
CANDY
You don't have any appointments Lightning strikes.
JOHNNY (V.O)
There was something in the air that night. Trouble. And it wasn't just the Nazis and polio.
The door swings open and SAMANTHA SPEEDY is on the other side. Lightning strikes again.
CLOSEUP
JOHNNY shoots out of his seat. He takes one smoke out of his cigarette and then tosses it.
SAMANTHA comes inside, taking refuge from the rain. She takes off her umbrella and raincoat, revealing an impractical sparkling dress.
SAMANTHA
Johny Quick, my name is Samantha Speedy.
JOHNNY takes one smoke and tosses the cigarette.
JOHNNY
I know who you are. Daughter of the richest man in the city. Gets everything she wants whenever she wants it.
SAMANTHA
Then you must know about our priceless family heirloom, the Speedmond Diamond
JOHNNY
Yeah I know it. Whats it got to do with you?
SAMANTHA
How... are you not putting this together right now. You're a private eye... and I'm talking about a diamond...
JOHNNY
And...
SAMANTHA
You see, it's been stolen.
JOHNNY shoots out of his seat. He takes one smoke out of his cigarette and then tosses it.
JOHNNY
Darcie, cancel all my appointments
CANDY
You don't have any appointments!
JOHNNY Then let's get to it
THE CAPER OF THE SPEEDMOND DIAMOND
INT. DAY - CAR
JOHNNY is driving in his usual way: one hand on the wheel, the other holding a smoking cigarette
JOHNNY (V.O)
It's 11:00. I'm on my way to Speedmond Manor to meet Alaster Speedmond, Samantha's grizzled old father. I have
a feeling he may be able to help us get to the bottom of this mess.
JOHNNY parks his car in front of a mansion. He walks up the steps. He rings the doorbell. The MAID answers the door.
JOHNNY (V.O)
The first thing I noticed was that the maid answered the door
MAID
Hello
She said
Hello
I said
JOHNNY (V.O)
JOHNNY
JOHNNY (V.O)
MAID
Please come in. Mr. Speedmond will be right with you
JOHNNY (V.O)
She said, with a hint of hesitation
JOHNNY walks into the house and takes a seat
MAID
What would you like to drink?
JOHNNY (V.O)
Martini-oh wait no-
JOHNNY
Martini
I said
JOHNNY (V.O)
The MAID nods and leaves the room. JOHNNY thinks to call back for her, but backs out.
JOHNNY (V.O)
I wanted to remind her not to stir it, but she'd already gone.
JOHNNY sighs
JOHNNY (V.O)
The atrium of the Speedmond Manor is 17th Century Classical, mixed with Baroque Beige Contemporary. But who's counting? I would drive by this place every once in a while. I didn't think there would be so many... diamonds.
MR. SPEEDMOND (offscreen) Diamonds, you say?
The camera pans over to MR. SPEEDMOND ten feet away from him, with a foreboding piano chord. He is staring longingly into a single diamond
MR. SPEEDMOND
I remember when they first invented diamonds. I guess you could say I'm quite fond of these magical pearls of knowledge.
JOHNNY
I'm sure you're torn apart about the circumstances of the Speedmond Diamond
MR. SPEEDMOND
I was quite fond of that diamond yes. It was loyal. A real diamond in the rough, ya know?
JOHNNY
Right. May I ask what you do?
MR. SPEEDMOND
I work in the downtown.
JOHNNY
Of course.
MR. SPEEDMOND
Mr. Quick, do you know why I love diamonds so much? Diamonds are loyal. They never leave you. I'm sure you'd know a thing or two about that.
JOHNNY (nervous) Where's that girl with my martini?
MR. SPEEDMOND
Diamonds don't leave me like my idiot daughter did. Like your so-and-so wife did.
JOHNNY
Never been married, but I hear you
MR. SPEEDMOND
You see, Mr. Quick, you and I are not so different.
The MAID appears with JOHNNY's martini. JOHNNY stands in awe as the MAID waits for him to pick it up; he never does.
A DIAMOND TO STEAL FOR
JOHNNY is driving
JOHNNY (V.O)
That old cronie was a nut job. I'm headed to Burgl R. O'diamonds place now. notorious diamond thief.
JOHNNY pulls up to BURGL's house. He knocks on the door, and BURGL answers in a black ski mask, a striped shirt, and a bag with a dollar sign on it.
JOHNNY
Burgl. R O'diamonds?
BURGL R. O'DIAMONDS
Yep that's me
JOHNNY
What is it you do?
BURGL R. O'DIAMONDS I steal diamonds
JOHNNY (writing casually)
Okay, mind if I ask you a few questions
BURGL looks back
BURGL R. O'DIAMONDS
No now's not a good time
JOHNNY
Cool cool cool I'll circle back to you.
BURGL R. O'DIAMONDS
Okay.
JOHNNY begins walking down the stairs
JOHNNY (V.O)
He's not a suspect. No motive.
THE PLOT THICKENS
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
JOHNNY is walking down the street, only lit by the street lamps, smoking a cigarette and tossing it.
JOHNNY (V.O)
It doesn't make any sense. I've investigated everything I can in two pages of script -- nothing.
INT. OFFICE - NIGHT
JOHNNY walks into his office. Inside are SAMANTHA and RICARDO. Ricardo is a stereotypical gay latino friend.
SAMANTHA
Johnny!
JOHNNY
Would someone like to tell me what's going on in my office?
RICARDO
Hey! You leave her alone. You had your chance to find her diamond and you blew it.
Samantha puts her hand on Ricardo's shoulder to silence him
SAMANTHA
Thank you, Ricardo.
RICARDO
Anytime baby, anytime.
SAMANTHA
Johnny, I've been thinking. I don't
know if we should continue the investigation.
RICARDO
Yas girl! Preach.
JOHNNY
What?
SAMANTHA (suspiciously)
I don't know... It's only causing problems for everyone. Maybe it's better that it's missing.
JOHNNY
Samantha, this is ridiculous
RICARDO
She knows what she wants okay? If anything's ridiculous it's you, so, you asked for it, Holmes.
SAMANTHA
It was a pleasure working with you, Mr. Quick. My father will send you a check for your trouble.
Ricardo walks Samantha out.
RICARDO
You did the right thing, honey. Come with me I'll buy you a vanilla latte...
Ricardo's voice trails off as JOHNNY stands in awe, watching them. He takes one smoke of his cigarette and tosses it.
CROSSFADE
INT. OFFICE - NIGHT
Johnny is sitting in his desk with his head in his hands. His hat and coat are off, and his shirt and tie are messed up. There are papers and empty liquor bottle all over his desk.
JOHNNY (V.O)
Something's not right.
CLOSEUP
Johnny's crossword puzzle, where every space is some form of the word 'Diamond'. 10 letter word for confusion......'D-I-AM-O-N-D-S-..S-S.' He bounces the pencil on his chin.
JOHNNY (V.O)
Why would Samantha cancel the investigation. She wouldn't do that unless...
A strike of lightning coincides with JOHNNY's epiphany. He presses the button on his phone.
JOHNNY
Minnie, cancel all my appointments!
CANDY
You don't have any--oh my god you actually did have an appointment.
JOHNNY Wait, really?
CANDY
Yeah. With.. (like she's reading the name) Mr. Alaster Speedmond
JOHNNY (V.O) Where have I heard that name before?
CANDY
He says you forgot your martini
A second lightning strikes with Johnny's second epiphany
JOHNNY (V.O) Speedmond.
AT THE CROSSROADS OF DANGER AND 22ND
INT. JOHNNY'S CAR - NIGHT
JOHNNY is reading a map while driving.
JOHNNY (V.O) It appears I'm lost.
CLOSEUP
Johnny is using a world map
JOHNNY (V.O)
This map isn't worth the bamboo it's printed on.
In the distance he sees a shady figure. The figure seems to be digging a hole on the side of the road with a shovel and a body bag
JOHNNY (V.O)
I'll ask this archaeologist
JOHNNY pulls over next to the man.
JOHNNY
Excuse me, good sir, I seem to be lost. Could you kindly aid me with directions?
The man turns around- It's Ricardo.
RICARDO
Hello, Johnny
JOHNNY
Ricardo? What kind of fossil are you uncovering out here?
RICARDO
A little fossil called none of your businessaur, mister detective.
JOHNNY (suspiciously)
Ricardo... (suddenly light)
a man's roadside ditch is his temple. It was rude for me to ask.
RICARDO Mmhm.
JOHNNY
I need to get to Speedmond Manor.
RICARDO
Oh ok for sure, head down this road, then boom, boom boom this is how we do it. Okay? Then one more boom, then boom this is how we do it. And then
boom boom the mansion is 20 miles in the opposite direction.
JOHNNY
Got it thanks Ricardo
JOHNNY drives away
INT. SPEEDMOND MANOR - NIGHT
JOHNNY pushes the already cracked open front further open OVERHEAD SHOT
Johnny cautiously walking in, thunder and lightning.
JOHNNY Hello?
Johnny progresses forward.
JOHNNY (V.O)
This place is a mess. Someone needs to give that maid a pay dock.
Eventually, Johnny reaches the master bedroom.
JOHNNY
Alaster? ...Speedmond, obviously.
JOHNNY knocks twice and the door creaks open. He takes out his flashlight and shines it in front of him with one hand on his gun holster. He shines it forward, to the left, and finally to the right, revealing Mr. Speedmond's limp and mangled corpse leaning against the wall.
JOHNNY (V.O)
There he is.
He walks up to his cold, bloody, tortured corpse. He checks its pulse.
JOHNNY (V.O) Dead.
The toilet flushes, and the light switch is flipped on. Burgl R. O'Diamonds is walking out of the restroom, drying his hands.
BURGL R. O'DIAMONDS
Oh..hey
With a sigh of relief, Johnny tucks away his flashlight
JOHNNY
God am I happy to see you. Mr. Speedmond's been murdered.
Burgl looks over to the corpse and back at Johnny
BURGL R. O'DIAMONDS (unenthusiastically) Dang it.
JOHNNY
Couldn't have said it better, Burgl. It's time for a meeting.
A MURDER OF DEADLY PROPORTIONS
INT. THE DIAMOND ROOM - NIGHT
Establishing shot of everybody in the room. Johnny is standing in front of all the suspects in a row.
CLOSEUP
Johnny takes out a cigarette, lights it, takes a smoke, then tosses it.
JOHNNY
You must be wondering why I called you all in here tonight
DOLLY: BEHIND THE HEADS OF THE SUSPECTS
JOHNNY
A diamond has been stolen. A man has been murdered. At least two laws have been broken. And every single one one of you is a suspect.
CLOSEUPS of all the suspects.
JOHNNY
Ricardo, Burglr O'Diamonds, Mr. Speedmond, (his corpse is propped up on a chair with flies around it) Suzy, (his secretary, only the blinking landline is there) and even you, Ms. Speedy.
SAMANTHA
Johnny, this is ridiculous. I fired you.
JOHNNY
Ma'am the only employer I take orders from is justice.
RICARDO
Let's get this over with. I'm having a Charlie Chaplin marathon tonight...with my girlfriend
Everyone gasps, and the piano player strikes a foreboding chord
SAMANTHA
You've seen me naked
JOHNNY
Wait a minute
JOHNNY has a flashback/ internal montage.
JOHNNY (V.O)
Charlie Chaplin. What's his signature? That's right, the mustache. The mustache that inspired Hitler to take over the East. But why the East? Because that's where he lives. Germany. Wait a minute. Germ-many. Many germs. Sick. Polio. The disease that paralyzed Franklin D. Roosevelt. The president of America. America. That's where we are right now. But let's get more specific. We're in a room. A room with all the suspects of the murder.
JOHNNY
...Never mind I lost it
SAMANTHA
So can you tell us why we're here already?
He has another flashback/internal montage
JOHNNY (V.O)
Wait. Samantha. Daughter of Alaster Speedmond, currently deceased. He has
two knives in his chest, a rope around his neck, and blood all over his suit. How could this have happened? Let's take the most logical route. Diamonds. He loves diamonds. Maybe even enough to steal his own. But there was one thing he wasn't expecting: me. He knew I was on his tail so he committed suicide by stabbing himself twice in the chest and then hanging himself and cutting the rope into a pool of fake blood. Then he tried to frame the diamond thief by putting him in the bathroom.
BURGL R. O'DIAMONDS
Hey, I gotta run.
JOHNNY
Alright see you later. Yo hit me up for coachella ticks.
EVERYONE
Bye Burglr!
BURGL R. O'DIAMONDS
Bye guys.
BURGLR leaves.
JOHNNY
Now, I know exactly what happened. Mr. Speedmond stole his own diamond and then committed suicide.
COP 1 and COP 2 burst through the door.
COP 1
Thanks for doing the dirty work, Johnny.
COP 2
We'll take it from here.
JOHNNY tips his hat
JOHNNY
All in a day's work.
SAMANTHA
It's literally been weeks.
The cops handcuff Mr. Speedmond's dead body and escort/carry him out. The corpse falls on the ground at one point
COP 2
Tell it to the judge, scumbag
Johnny's back is turned. He takes out a cigarette, lights it, and smoke it. Samantha comes up to him and touches his back. Johnny turns around, the cigarette still in his mouth
SAMANTHA
Aren't you going to toss it?
JOHNNY (resolved)
I think I'll let this one last a little longer.
CROSSFADE
EXT. DINER -DAY
Cops 1 and 2 are sitting at a booth across from each other, sipping coffee, eating donuts and reading the paper.
COP 1
Do you think maybe it was the robber that robbed the OHHHHHH
Credits
Written and Directed by Ryan Ostrovsky and Griff Zakarin
Johnny Quick - Connor Maduzia
Samantha Speedy - Darian Levy
Alaster Speedmond - Griff Zakarin
Ricardo - Corey Silverman-Lloyd
Burgl R. O'Diamonds - Drew Caines
Secretary - Jessica Lang
Maid - Eliana
Cop 1 - Ryan Ostrovsky
Cop 2 - Griff Zakarin
Player - Ryan Ostrovsky
EXT. DINER
Cops 1 and 2 sitting at booth, watching footage on Cop 1's cell phone.
COP 1
Yeah, I mean... this security footage is so clear.
COP 2
This looks professionally lit.
COP 1
Yeah, I mean how bad are we at our jobs not to find this footage until now.
COP 2
Like... so bad. It was just on Instagram the whole time. It's got like 20 likes.