Candace vs. The Bears
INT. CANDACE’S ROOM
Candace and John Simon (siblings) are sitting up in Candace’s room.
CANDACE
Hey bro, have I ever told you about the time I wrestled three bears to the ground with only my bare hands and an American Girl Doll make-up kit?
JOHN SIMON You never told me about that.
JOHN SIMON
Well dig this. It all started when I started my first job.
transition to flashback
INT. SANDWICH SHOP
Candace is working at a sandwich shop making them ‘wiches. Her manager comes up to her.
MANAGER
Hey Candace, I need you to wrestle three bears.
INT. CANDACE’S ROOM
John Simon interrupts.
JOHN SIMON What? That didn’t happen
CANDACE
Listen, bro. I’m not done with the story yet. So as I was saying…
INT. SANDWICH SHOP
CANDACE
Sorry Mr. McGee, you want me to do what now?
MANAGER
There’s three bears in the parking lot. They’re causing quite the ruckus.
CANDACE
Can’t you get animal services on it?
MANAGER I tried.
CUT TO ANIMAL SERVICES
The entire office is covered in honey.
INT. SANDWICH SHOP
AS WORKER # 1
Oh no, we’re all covered in honey again!
AS WORKER # 2
I’ll get those giant bees if it’s the last thing I do!
MANAGER
They didn’t pick up.
CANDACE
Well I can’t do it.
MANAGER
You can and you will. Or else you’re fired.
Candace waits a few beats and then: “ugh!”
INT. CANDACE’S ROOM
JOHN SIMON
So did you do it?
CANDACE
I’m getting to that, bro. Hold your horses. Anyway,
EXT. PARKING LOT - SANDWICH SHOP
Candace is standing in the parking lot. Three brown bears are meandering in the lot amongst the cars. One lets out a subdued groan.
CANDACE
Nuh-uh I’m not doing this.
CAMERA SHIFTS SLIGHTLY: to manager on the other side of the glass.
MANAGER
Do it or your fired!
BACK TO: Candace with an insolent look on her face.
One of the bears curiously tips over a car. Another is scratching its ear with its foot.
Candace starts shifting through her bag.
CANDACE
Okay let’s see here.
She pulls out an American Girl Doll make-up kit.
CANDACE
Here goes nothing.
Candace twists open the lipstick and shoots it with incredible accuracy into the mouth of one of the bears. The bear stumbles back and collapses. Another charges towards her. She uses the mirror to redirect the sunlight which causes the bear to stumble off a cliff. The third bear, the biggest one, is standing directly behind her. Candace turns to face it.
CANDACE
You want some of this? Huh?
The bear gazes at her intently.
CANDACE
Bring it on you fur ball.
ANNOUNCER
Ready…fight!
Candace takes some foundation and a brush and uses it to cover the bear in makeup. Embarrassed, the bear scuttles off into the woods.
Candace leaps in the air: “All right!”
Freeze frame. Announcer: Complete! A score pops up on the upper left.
Time: 01:036.25
Bears Defeated: 3
Total Score: 1500
INT. CANDACE’S ROOM
JOHN SIMON
That didn’t happen.
CANDACE
Yeah you’re right. I made it up.
JOHN SIMON
You have too much time on your hands Candace. You should get a boyfriend or something.
John Simon leaves.
Candace sort of smirks to herself. She looks out the window, and sees the three bears. She gives them a ‘back-off’ gesture and they scuttle off into the woods.
The End