10.22.2015

October 22–28, 2015 34st.com

Behind th

e scenes o f MERT

VP PET PEEVES

ALTER EGO

DISCLOSURE

NUTS

october 22

EDITOR-APPROVEDSNAPCHATS

2015

LOL

We get a lot of Snapchats here at Street. Here are two of our favorites. For more Snaps, hit up 34st. com.

3 HIGHBROW

code of conduct, overheards, round up

4 WORD ON THE STREET

transferring to penn

5 EGO

life hacks, eotw: joseph hoenzsch

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

7 MUSIC

this week in music, disclosure

9 HEALTH

medical discoveries

10 FEATURE MERT

12 FILM & TV

your week in film

14 FOOD & DRINK

just some chicken and PB&J

LOL

LOL

16 ARTS

pumpkin carving, art in a month

18 LOWBROW

WWJD. HE'D COME TO STREET MEETINGS. FUCKING DUH. 6:30PM TONIGHT @ 4015 'NUT.

NUTS

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Alexandra Sternlicht, Trying to think of titles Marley Coyne, Drinking a beer Ling Zhou, Caffeine overdose Byrne Fahey, Horrible music taste Corey Fader, Murdered by Ling via KryptoFlex Yasmin Meleis, Naked snaps Dani Blum, Putting vodka in her wine Rebecca Heilweil, Laughing too hard at her puns Casey Quackenbush, Smothered by fur Orly Greenberg, Throwing up once Caroline Marques, Hyperventilating because Disclosure Emily Johns, Death by nocturnal friends

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Conor Cook, Cut himself on his own jawline Allie Cohen, Falling through floorboards Carolyn Grace, Straining her vocal cords Spencer Winson, Choking on a glitter shot Caroline Harris, Being a freshman Johanna Matt-Navarro, Stuck in tree Talia Sterman, Attacked by hipsters Emily Hason, Looking for her voice Brandon Slotkin, Tailgating too hard Steph Barron, OD on Beta Syra Ortiz-Blanes, Too much Wilcaffeine Elena Modesti, Drowning in soup dumpling Dina Zaret, BEING PREMED Galit Krifcher, Designing while concussed Holly Li, Contagious happiness Jeffrey Yang, Visiting a Nevada brothel

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Katie Dumke, Shipping packages Kyle Bryce-Borthwick, Too much leather Randi Kramer, Correcting an officer's grammar Julie Levitan: Choked by choker Staff Writers: Hallie Brookman (Someone called it in for Amy), Julie Chu Cheong (Whipping her hair), Dan Maher (Dabbed out of his mind), Amanda Reid (By her RA), Pat Goodridge (Missing) Staff Photographers: Alex Fisher (Being dangerously darling), Pat Goodridge Cover Photo: Cody Min Contributers: Kyle Bingley

Staff Designers: Nadia Kim, Remi Lederman (Jumping into bed), Sofie Praestgaard Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader, Pat Goodridge, Alex Fisher and Katie Dumke.

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief, at sternlicht@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898-6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. www.34st.com "You don't circumsize your testicles." ©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

HIGHBROW

HOW TO MAKE EVERYONE IN VP HATE YOU

Now that’s is getting cold, everyone is hibernating in the library. Highbrow is taking the opportunity to remind everyone how to be considerate. This should all be common courtesy. So do it.

over heard PENN at

Frustrated Fresh Grocer shopper: Khloe Kardashian just fell for the wrong guy, but love is love man. Love is love.

1. Food is rude.

2. Snot again.

There are very few foods that are acceptable in the library.

Mixed nuts, Luna Bars, M&M’s—all fine. You think the Kale Caeser from Sweet Green is sly? WRONG. There are anchovies in it and EVERYONE can smell them. Count anything with garlic, curry or onion out. Apples might have no smell, but they are LOUD. So are foods with crinkly wrappers. Put down the potato chips, take a lap and think about the choices you’ve made.

Some people are too sick to be in the library. Sniffling is feudal and futile—we now have tissues to clear out your congested nose and sinuses. You are a civilized human at a leading university.

Do not act like a serf on a farmstead. Also, leaving dirty tissues on your desk is criminal. We kindly ask you use Purell.

3. Chewing gum. 4. Personal devices are…

We get it—we know all about the studies that personal. indicate chewing gum increases concentration, improves test scores, etc., but there is an appropriate way to chew gum. Keep your mouth closed. You’re not a fucking horse.

THEROUNDUP When our hotline blings, it’s usually Drake in his Moncler jacket asking us to call him on his cell phone. But today, peasants, we decided to share our conversation in the Round Up because we’re #generous.

Ugh, finally there’s some ~legit~ attention to the fact that Theos White Trash is incredibly offensive. Just because we call you peasants doesn’t mean dressing up as a poor person is acceptable.

OFSA has come to the rescue to promote justice in the democracy that we all know as Penn’s Greek system. OFSA has requested, via email, that sorority sisters remove all photos from the party from social media. This seems like a Band–Aid fix to get rid of the photos, but hopefully this will encourage more equitable party themes.

Brawl so hard mothafuckas wanna fine me. At

No one else should hear your music through your headphones. Yes, boy I met at a party last night, I can hear you listening to Miley's new album, and yes, I am judging you. If you’re listening to music that loudly, use a Q–tip and get your ears checked.

5. Phone calls in the library.

Just because you have an incoming call does not mean you should take it. Emergency’s are one thing. But if you need to schedule an appointment, bitch to your mom or chat about last night’s hookup, step the fuck outside—even if you are on the first floor.

There is no level of whisper that will not piss off your neighbor.

And don't try testing the waters with FaceTime. Never a time for FaceTime.

a mixer this past weekend, Phi Delt (read: Phight Delt) got a little too physical when random freshmen showed up to the event. One senior boy took matters into his own fists and punched the freshmen out of the party, literally. This is what happens when you don’t keep your hands to yourself: you end up in HUP, with stitches over your eye.

Plus, you don’t even get to finish the mixer! No one wants freshman blood on their hands… or on the dancefloor.

In another case of cultural appropriation, Beta had a state school–themed party. To shed some light on what this entails: You wear a state school shirt. Start drinking at 6:30am. Flip a car by noon. But this year, our favorite (not) Penn State bros were unable to collectively lift and rotate a car successfuly. The cops arrived when the bumper was at approximately forty–five degrees from the curb (Ed. note: Yes, we attended driver’s ed.). The panicked muscle men fled the scene and hid in a nearby man cave. Maybe next time, they should

Betch in workout clothes: I had to limit myself to one Pellegrino a day. I just can't do Perrier though. Perrier is REPULSIVE. Senior boy in seminar: I'm feeling alive right now—just listened to some serious Future walking over here. I could, like, burn a fucking village right now.

Wharton junior: My phone autocorrects "fiancé" to "finance."

Kid in Williams: Isn't Spain in Latin America too?

flip a Smart Car… or a Vespa… or a scooter. Or nothing.

Tinkle, tinkle little star, how Highbrow wonders if you’re potty–trained. You might be a real person with a real job and a real NYC apartment… until you return to Penn and wet the bed.

One alum returned to dear ol' Penn this weekend for some college debauchery. This included staying with a house of senior girls. Instead of reliving his glory days, he relieved his bladder in one of the girl's laundry basket. Then, after shaking it off, he hopped into bed with her. There's nothing quite like a strange boy urinating on your clothes then trying to snuggle. Rather than investing in some Procter & Gamble stock (NYSE: PG), we suggest he invest in some Pampers (CVS, $8.95).

The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.

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WORD ON THE STREET

word on FROM DARTMOUTH TO DOWNTOWNS the KYLE BINGLEY STREET

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nterestingly enough, the saga of my transfer– student status begins and ends with a hospital.

But, we’ll get to that.

The evidence of my time at Dartmouth is fragmented: Dartmouth apparel gathers dust in my closet, my parents will never see that check for $63,000 again and stray–free credits mark my transcript (some courses, like my art history class, didn’t transfer, but I don’t regret taking it—you’d be surprised how often Goya comes up in everyday conversation).

After my freshman year, I transferred from Dartmouth to Penn, which makes me a statistical anomaly: only a couple dozen students transfer out of the smallest Ivy League a year. I didn’t enter Dartmouth intending to transfer, but instead matriculated as an excited, wide–eyed freshman. Like many other students, the end of August after senior year of high school could not come quickly enough. Dartmouth, habitually on its own schedule, did not start until mid–September, which left me at home longer than my high school friends.

My initial weeks at Dartmouth were bliss. September in New Hampshire is the opposite of most other months in New Hampshire—it’s temperate, and the leaves turn a panoply of colors. I partook in a Dartmouth tradition akin to PennQuest, a four– day kayaking expedition into the heart of the New Hampshire wilderness. I

Illustration: Sofie Praestgaard 4

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bonded with my hall mates and went out with them in the ridiculously large groups that unfailingly denote freshmen.

Even after the promising start to my life at Dartmouth, I had a visceral feeling that something wasn’t right. The first couple months at college, I understood, were not supposed to be problem–free; it takes a while to get to know people and get adjusted. My malaise stemmed from structural problems—it was not the people at Dartmouth but the institutions in place with which I had qualms. I was bored—always looking for something to do but never being able to find it in the tiny town of Hanover. Weekend nights blended together—there was no equivalent to Smokes' and no such thing as a downtown in a place whose main street only had a J. Crew and a Starbucks.

One weekend in early November, friends from Harvard came to Dartmouth to visit. We ended up heading to a party—which in Dartmouth parlance amounted to a night of pong in a musty basement.

Riveting. Without my realizing, one of my friends from Harvard had become so drunk that we were forced to call the Dartmouth equivalent of MERT to take him to the hospital. It hit me suddenly: We had drunk ourselves into oblivion to find entertainment in a place where there was little else. Although I had been cognizant of the sorry state of social life before, that one moment crystallized my burgeoning belief that I could not

How I went from Hanover to Philadelphia and made Penn the best place to wear Darmouth clothing.

spend four years at Dartmouth.

The question very quickly evolved from “what can I do” to “where should I transfer.” I grew up in South Jersey and often used Philadelphia as shorthand notation for where I was from, which was both a matter of convenience and a ploy—a major city sounds a hell of a lot better than Jersey. My first time applying to school, I had written Penn off as too close to home, but on second examination, it met my criteria: It was (roughly) a peer institution—shoutout to US News and World Report for the come–up, was larger than Dartmouth and was located in a major city. By April, I was committed to Penn.

Very few decisions I’ve made in my life have been better than my decision to transfer. Uprooting yourself after a year isn’t easy, but Penn has been welcoming. My anxiety that I wouldn't like Penn just like I didn’t like Dartmouth gradually subsided as I immersed myself in the Penn community. At Penn, there is too much to do—always events or opportunities for a diverse and fulfilling social and academic life. Thankfully for me, people empathized with my relative isolation as a transfer—I was more reliant on student organizations to foster meaningful relationships, and everyone understood.

I also relied, it seems, on some good medical advice. After swallowing a beer bottle cap in March, I was advised to take a stroll down to the emergency room out of fears of a hemorrhaged digestive track. Fifteen minutes after sending the mandatory snapchats of my hospital bracelet and x–rays of my stomach, a friend I had known for a couple months made the trek to the hospital and spent the rest of the early morning with me, remaining in my company until discharge.

I’ve learned that happiness at college is contingent on community, on people who are willing to listen to you, provide support for your problems and tell you when you’ve done something stupid—and yes, this includes swallowing a bottle cap.

Surprisingly, it was two moments involving hospitals that crystallized my experiences at the respective schools. Penn is a special place, a concentration of talented, ambitious people, even if that ambition bears baggage. And despite my experience at Dartmouth, I still think fondly on my friends and am, to a certain extend, grateful for the year I spent there. And at the very least, I got a shitton of Dartmouth clothing out of my freshman year.

EGO

ESSENITAL PENN LIFE HACKS

Whether you’re a wide-eyed freshmen or a washed–up senior, you should know (if you don’t already) how to take advantage of all the free things that Penn has to offer. From coffee to condoms, Ego’s got you covered on where to save cash on life essentials.

Free Subscriptions:

Your PennKey can open doors to a handful of major publications and websites! Penn Libraries and Penn Career Services offers free subscriptions to the following sources online: Ancestry.com: For those of you whose last names aren’t Trump or Biden, do some research and find out if you have a famous relative through your free subscription to Ancestry.com.

Glassdoor:You can access a full account for Glassdoor via the Career services website to read former and current employees' salaries and reviews of your future dream job. Dolla Dolla Billz, Yo! Netflix:…Yeah, if only.

Free Food:

We get it, you’ll go broke if you eat at Lyn’s Food Truck every day for every meal. So check out these unexpected campus eateries every now and then for free snacks and meals left over from catered events. Trolling for food is the only acceptable form of trolling.

Platt Performing Arts House: 160 Stouffer Commons, 3702 Spruce Street Mark’s Café (around midnight): Van Pelt Library, 3420 Walnut Street MBA Café: Huntsman Hall 2nd Floor, 3730 Walnut Street

Free Coffee:

Caffeine addicts, don’t waste your Dining Dollars at Starbucks!

These spots have free coffee on the regular, in every roast and flavor you can imagine.

Platt Performing Arts House:160 Stouffer Commons, 3702 Spruce Street Sweeten Alumni House: 3533 Locust Walk Cosi (on Wednesdays): 140 S. 36th Street

Free Penn Sports:

With the exception of basketball, all varsity sports games are free with your PennCard. Save money on a ticket, and spend it on alcohol for the tailgate instead.

Free Transportation:

Skip the Uber or taxi! Penn Shuttles offer transportation to and from campus transit stops and West Philly, Center City and Powelton Village, within defined boundaries. Shuttles run in the evenings seven days a week, year round. In addition, PennBus East and West operate year round, Monday through Friday from 5pm – 12am. Rides for both services are free with your PennCard.

Free Movies and TV:

Need to watch something for class, or can’t find something on Netflix or Hulu? Chances are the movie or show you’re looking for is on the Penn Video Network. PVN has over 70 channels of TV shows and films, old and new. There is no additional charge for the service for on-campus residential users.

KEY

Food Coffee Printing Condoms

Free Printing:

As long as you BYO paper, these places will let you print without the hassle of Penn Cash or credit.

LGBT Center: 3907 Spruce Street Platt Performing Arts House: 160 Stouffer Commons, 3702 Spruce Street

Free Condoms:

Sex shouldn’t come with a price tag. Three buildings right on campus are here to help you fulfill your sexual desires, and keep you safe. Stock up, before you awkwardly have to knock on your RA's door for one at 3:00am.

Student Health Services: 3535 Market Street Penn Women’s Center: 3643 Locust Walk LGBT Center: 3907 Spruce Street

Free Penn Performances:

Many performing arts groups give away tickets to their shows to those who offer to usher. So if you’ve been dying to see that one dance company or a cappella group but are short on cash, ask around to see if they need someone to hand out programs or collect tickets.

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EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: JOSEF HOENZSCH

One person, two egos! Meet Josef, Glee Club member, Engineer, actor and one half of the fabulous, PBR–drinking Annie DeBeers.

Street: How is Annie DeBeers similar to Josef? How is she different?

JH: She’s definitely similar in that we both really enjoy going out to a club, or getting together with friends for a bonfire or barbecue and just getting trashed and pretending the outside world doesn’t exist.

We’re very different in that she loves flaunting herself. Even though I’m an extrovert, she’s totally an exaggerated form of that. She is all about going out, meeting everyone, seeing and being seen.

Street: What inspired you to create Annie DeBeers?

(Ed. note: Annie DeBeers is Josef's Drag Queen Persona) Josef Hoenzsch: I recently came out as genderqueer. I always thought it was a weird quirk about myself that I liked presenting as female sometimes, but then I met a few friends who were genderqueer and realized there are a lot of people whose gender identity isn’t strictly male or female. Even though I’m comfortable with my body and am comfortable presenting as male, I’m just as comfortable presenting female.

It was cool to finally get a word to it.

Street: How did you come up with the name of Annie DeBeers?

JH: I wanted it to be a pun because I’m a huge fan of dad jokes, so Annie DeBeers kind of sounds like, "I need the beers." She’s kind of one of those girls who goes to tailgate parties and drinks PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon, the official drink of the country music profession).

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Street: What was your first experience like dressed in drag?

JH: The first time I got in drag, I went out to Harvest with some friends. I noticed some guys looking at me and I thought they were just laughing at the guy dressed up like a woman. Then all of a sudden, one of them winked at me, and I realized, “Oh shit! They think I’m a girl!” So I went to walk over and their eyes got wide as saucers like “Oh god.” It was the funniest experience ever.

Street: What was it like performing drag for the first time?

JH: I had been going to Bob and Barbara’s for a while, and one day I went dressed as a boy but had some cheap makeup on. In the middle of her performance, Lisa Thompson, the person who hosts the LisaLisa drag show, stopped lip syncing and whispered in my ear, “Meet me after.” I talked to her after and she told me “I want you in my show.” I was freaking out because I had been going there for so long wanting to do it, but I was too afraid to jump over the hurdle. For my first show, I went out onstage and thought it was going to be very chill. I perform all the time—I do theatre. But I got up, and my legs

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were literally knocking. But the second I started doing it, I got so into it. It was so empowering and so much fun, and I made a lot more money than I thought I was going to in tips!

Street: How does performing drag differ from performing in a musical with Stimulus Children’s Theatre?

JH: In theater, usually we’re here performing and the audience is observing us and gets a peek into the character’s lives. With drag, there is no fourth wall–– you’re sharing your life with everyone around you. It’s all about giving the audience an experience, giving them something to shout or scream about. For example, I performed to Kesha’s "Gold Tran’s Am," and I had this PBR can that I chugged and threw down. Kesha has this one part where she shouts out “Freedom Rides" in the song. My friend, Jara, had given me a bra that has fake silicone boobs in them, so I pulled open my shirt and showed them off at that part.

It’s all about creating those moments where the audience can be like, “Remember when that drag queen did that?”

Street: What is the coolest event you’ve sang at with the Glee Club?

JH: We were on tour in Tanzania, Africa on Mount Kilimanjaro, and we went skinny dipping in this African waterfall.

We sang Penn’s alma mater and it was such an incredible experience. It was so surreal to think, “I get to do this."

Street: You’re in the Stimulus' show “Junie B. Jones.” What was your favorite story character from childhood?

JH: Peanuts, absolutely. My dad and I always read Peanuts comics together. It was something we shared. My dad unfortunately passed away a

Hometown: Stillwater, New York Major: Mechanical Engineering, Theatre Arts; Masters in Systems Engineering Activities: Penn Glee Club, Lambda Chi Alpha Fraternity, Stimulus Children's Theatre Guilty Pleasure: Probably drinking a glass, or six, of wine, watching "Rick and Morty" in bed as it rains outside.

little over ten years ago.

I wanted to be Charlie Brown for Halloween one year, so he drew Charlie Brown on this kite he made for me.

It's the last thing he made for me before he passed. I still have it up on my wall now.

Street: What advice would you give to your freshmanyear self?

JH: I'm gonna get real here for a second and say I would have encouraged him to go to CAPS as soon as things started getting bad. I also would tell him that it's going to be okay, and that no matter how hard it gets, there will be those moments that make everything worth it.

Now, I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist for depression and anxiety, and I take medication to help that. I take every opportunity to talk about it with people because there’s such a stigma around mental health. You can get sick in any other way, and sometimes you need to take steps to make sure you’re being healthy. I hope me talking about those things will make other people more comfortable to seek help if they need it.

Street: You’re a mechanical engineer, so if you could 3D print something right now what would it be?

JH: Probably a flask.

Street: What’s one question we forgot to ask you?

JH: Who is your favorite person in the world? And the answer would be my mom.

She’s been a single mother for the past ten years raising three sons, working and going to school full–time. She only had her GED, and from her late 40s to her early 50s she got her associates, bachelors, then her

masters and is now teaching English at a high school. She's also the most supportive person I know. I just came out to her as genderqueer this week and her first response was, “I love you no matter what, obviously that will never change. Quick question though, have your pronouns changed?” The fact that she instantly jumped to that and how much she loves me makes her my favorite person in the world.

This article has been edited and condensed.

MUSIC

WHAT TO LISTEN TO:

•

• •

Thank Your Lucky Stars because Beach House oh–so–casually dropped a second album in as many months. It’s deeper, it’s darker and it’s even cooler that they basically recorded this nine–track LP alongside Depression Cherry without telling a soul.

This sh*t is "bananas": Don’t expect Joanna Newsom’s Divers on Spotify anytime soon. But do listen to her folk/Appalachian–inspired album out tomorrow, Oct. 23.

Everything Kacy Hill. Discovered by Kanye, but more notably by us. Listen to her EP Bloo if you know what’s good for you—you heard it here first.

YOUR WEEK IN MUSIC

TALIA STERMAN

WHAT TO TALK ABOUT: • •

The best thing since "Midnight City": M83. New album. 2016. Try to contain your excitement with these reissues and b–sides.

Two festivals, one city… Apparently there can be too much of a good thing: Coachella organizers are looking to hit NYC just two weeks after incumbent indie festival Governor’s Ball, set for early June. Will the 'Ballers put a stop to it? Only time will tell (and the change.org petition).

WHAT TO SEE: When you remember there’s nothing to do with your parents on Family Weekend—why not bring them to a show and show them how ~cultured~ Penn's made you?

• •

Friday, Oct. 23: Catch college garage rockers Diet Cig at the Goldilocks Gallery and/or Here We Go Magic for some feel–good folk/pop at Boot & Saddle.

Saturday, Oct. 24: Newly signed Penn alums THE HEYDAZE hit Coda for an early homecoming. Show Mom & Dad that the only path to success doesn’t have to be OCR….

OR—just catch the oldie–but–goodie Cold War Kids on your own terms, coming to the Fillmore this Wednesday, Oct. 28.

w

Halloween at Pulse OCTOBER 31st

12am - 3:30am | No cover before 1am

Cash prizes to the first winner of best costume 1526 Sansom St.

215-751-2711

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MUSIC

The British electronic duo brings their sequel to Settle to the US.

Halloween Party!

C O ST UM E C ON T ES T Ma ny gr eat pr ize s Sp or ts Tic ke ts & ma ny mo re as so rt ed gif ts an d pr ize s KE S CA R Y K A R A O

S AT U R DAY 10 / 3 1

sc w it h e v e n

a r ie r d j b

9 P M - 12 A M 2ND FLOO R

Restaurant & Irish Pub 1116 Walnu t St reet 215-627-7676 moriartyspub.com

30 Draft Beers • 180 Bottle Beers 8

ob

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The two young men that currently have the world of house music at their feet are playing in front of a huge dancing crowd at The Fillmore, and they aren’t what you’d expect.

Disclosure, also known as Howard (21) and Guy (24) Lawrence, are brothers, Brits and brimming with excitement. And here they are, set against red and blue, red and orange or purple and black trippy backgrounds, as partygoers get it on under the glitz of four gigantic chandeliers. But the light and color show, similar to the ones that they had last summer in LA at the HARD Summer Music festival, is just one part of their set and identity.

Before the September release of their newest album, Caracal (only their second studio album), they faced the challenge of any young band that suddenly made it big. How do you keep the momentum going? And how do you top songs that an entire generation danced to, drank to, laughed to, partied to, such as “White Noise,” “Latch,” and “When A Fire Starts To Burn” from Settle? They attempt to answer this with a fresh album of tracks that include hot collaborations such as Sam Smith, Lorde, Gregory Porter and The Weeknd. Caracal takes on a different tone, but it has reached critical and commercial success. New listeners and long–time fans will

enjoy the new sounds and some more relaxed rhythms. “Holding On” and “Frontin’” have the possibilities of becoming new landmarks of theirs, while the music videos for “Omen” and “Magnets” have already become Internet sensations.

For all that it’s worth, the Disclosure boys seem to be handling their international stardom quite well. Casually wearing all black, they are standing on separate elevated circular pods, and you are reminded why you like them so much. Their music and their sets, remain simple, classic, yet amazing. They’ve reached the high status, but are chilled with characteristics we recognize. They have the mysterious desire to remain private (also popular for a certain, ahem, French famous house music duo), a seemingly endless enthusiasm and humble gratitude for just being there.

Before closing the show with “Latch,” the two joke about how they’ll play some old songs, as they’ve already become “old.” Everyone in the crowd knows that it’s quite the contrary.

They’re young, and this is just the beginning of their tour. The band seems to be ticking off all major hits along the way, not limited to their show in a few days at Madison Square Garden in New York. When it comes to Disclosure, their fire has just started to burn.

And it ain’t out yet.

CAROLINE MARQUES

H E A LT H

PENN: MENDING BROKEN HEARTS AND FIGHTING HERPES A Round Up to make your parents feel better about your tuition bill.

Right across the street from where you went when you got MERTed, the smartest nerdz in the nation are actually contributing to society. Penn gets more than twice as much National Institute of Health (NIH) funding as those Harvard dummies, and we putting the Benjamins to good use. Since we're no longer Playboy's #1 party school (Ed. note: *tear*), here's some legitimately amazing stuff to brag about next time you see your parents or annoying pre–med friends from home.

A New Way to Mend a Broken Heart expressed. Scientists have been Heart disease has been the trying to grow cells on a plate #1 killer in the US for a pretty and put them back onto somelong time. And while Ben & one’s heart, but this new method Jerry’s will always be there for is a hell of a lot easier. you after a rough breakup, ice cream is prob not the best post– heart attack treatment. Luckily, researchers at the Institute for Regenerative Medicine here at Penn discovered a microRNA cluster (little molecules made from similar stuff as DNA) that can help repair and regenerate injured heart cells after heart attacks. A simple shot is enough to alter the way different genes are

Act Up, Fight Back, Fight Aids HIV’s rapidly mutating genetic code makes it extremely tricky to develop medication for it. Some smarties over at the Med School decided to take a different route than most and targeted amyloid fibrils. These protein bits in semen make HIV more infectious. The researchers found a different protein that clusters and degrades the

amyloid fibrils, preventing HIV infection. With help from some other researchers, they also found a tweezer–like molecule that not only works against those fibers, but also disrupts the viral membrane of HIV. This feature of the tweezers makes

them a great candidate to target the similarly enveloped herpes and hepatitis C viruses. While there have been great strides in prevention and treatment of HIV, these inexpensive and less specific interventions (meaning they will work for more strains of HIV) could have life–saving implications.

DINA ZARET

For more, check out 34st.com

We’re The only bike shop on campus!

AND we have the largest selection of bikes in Philadelphia!

WE CATER. (thank goodness!)

f Scwinn speedster

Students and faculty get 10% OFF non-sale originally $399.99 bicycles and accessories with valid I.D. university city 4040 locust street (215) 387-7433

4040 Locust Street (at the end of locust walk)

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3931 Walnut Street | hummusrestaurant.com O C T O B E R 2 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

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F E AT U R E

F E AT U R E

high alert J

ust after midnight on a Friday, frat houses across campus come alive: pouring shots, removing frackets and dancing on elevated surfaces. But for Neville Dusaj (College, ‘15), Jacob Henner (Engineering, ‘15), Brett Bell (College, ‘18) and Carly O’Donnell (College, ‘18), waiting in a dingy Quad basement no more than two blocks away, the week’s work is far from over.

They sit lazily on worn, comfortable couches in their Ware headquarters. The television is off. The only noise comes from the dull thud of the laundry machines nearby. Suddenly, two loud beeps explode from the students' personal radios, followed by a static–filled voice.

“Radio to MERT. DK, Lower Quad.”

Immediately they spring into action, pulling on backpacks, bright red jackets and bike helmets. In quick, calm voices questions are asked and answered: Who's answering the call?

Where's the patient? How many oxygen tanks are necessary?

In less than a minute, they're gone.

On Penn's campus, “getting MERTed” is as common a term as "booking a GSR." We treat our social lives as opportunities to experiment, take risks and explore the wilder side of college. And MERT is our safety net when we go too far. But many forget that under the red shirts are fellow Penn students—living the thrill of a Friday night.

***

behind the scenes of MERT

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rett, Neville, Jacob and Carly, who began their shift at 11pm that Friday, spend their time in the common room, an old dorm room with an odd mix of items—laptops, bags of chips, soda—along with racks of bike helmets, jackets and bulletin boards bearing maps of campus and MERT protocol.

Later, they return to the bunk rooms lining the bottom floor Ware hallway—all devoted to MERT. The students usually sleep in their clothes, so they won’t have to change if a call comes in the morning's early hours. MERT is on duty from 5pm to 7am on weekdays and 24 hours on the weekends.

MERT—the Penn Medical Emergency Response Team—offers its 44 active members an exhilaration that few groups can rival. And while the experience provides Penn students with a chance to explore potential careers in the health sciences, they also have the rare opportunity to treat their peers when they're most vulnerable.

For members of MERT, providing emergency care to a DK—the term Philadelphia emergency radios use for “drunk kid”—is routine.

MERT's busiest on weekend nights, sometimes answering over ten calls in an eight–hour shift. During New Student Orientation, members of MERT are introduced as heroes who rescue freshman who've had one too many shots. Students trade horror stories about who got “MERTed” during their first night out.

But MERT’s most conspicuous role on cam-

"A

pus—swooping into fraternity parties to aid vomiting or unconscious students, ambulances close behind—is not its only one.

“It's true that EtOH [alcohol] calls are the most common, but we get trauma, diabetics, heart attacks, strokes, pretty much anything," explains a sophomore MERT member, using their shorthand for ethyl alcohol. “And sometimes what started as an alcohol call can turn into a trauma, like if someone stumbles and falls down the stairs. Every situation is unique… we don't approach it like we're the backup plan."

MERT hopefuls must complete an application and interview to get into the EMT training program—the acceptance rate is around 50 percent. Once admitted, students rise through the ranks. New members begin as walking EMTs, and then are promoted to biking EMTs. Later, they can take the lead on specific calls or even entire shifts.

Although there is no upfront cost for joining MERT, members must pay around $1,200 for the EMT certification class—though Student Health Services can provide subsidies for students who otherwise could not afford the program. Once members have been certified, they pay dues to the club to pay for social events and apparel. There is no payment; the program is entirely volunteer–based.

Everyone is required to work 24 hours a month, with the exception of an optional semester–long leave of absence. Most, however, choose to do more.

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lot of people just like the adrenaline rush of emergency medicine,” says MERT chief Sara Jones (C'15). MERT feels like a highly pre–professional organization, an opportunity for future doctors and nurses to bolster their clinical experience. But it also provides a certain exhilaration that can’t be detailed on LinkedIn or described in a cover letter. “I have a lot of friends who want to be lawyers or want to go into some sort of business… and they just fell in love with the thrill.”

College senior Joe Mattis, who studies PPE, got his EMT certification in high school. He joined MERT because he sees the group as an interesting way to help people, as well as socialize. Most of his peers, he says, feel similarly.

“There’s definitely people who want to do it just to have another thing to put on their resume, but I think the majority of people see it as a social organization where you get to hang out with your friends,” he said.

For MERT volunteers, the social aspect of the organization is more important than people may think. Once MERT students get their EMT certification, they’re introduced to the group’s culture through social events like potlucks and study breaks and even receive a “big” to guide them through their first few months of service.

“It’s very important to trust each other when you’re doing something like this, and [to] really know how to work together with people,” says Sara.

***

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rett, Neville, Jacob and Carly obviously trust one another as they seamlessly transition from ordinary college students to energetic emergency rescuers. They help each other gather equipment as they correspond via radio with Division of Public Safety (DPS) , who inform them where their patient can be found.

MERT works closely with DPS—when a student calls the Penn emergency number, a dispatcher at DPS communicates with MERT. When MERT arrives at a scene, police officers arrive as well.

And in times of heightened danger on campus, DPS and MERT collaborate to ensure campus safety. Earlier this month, MERT was on high alert when Philadelphia received an ambiguous shooter threat and had specific instructions from DPS about what to do in the case of an incident.

Aside from its relationship with DPS, MERT is funded by Penn but largely unsupervised—it manages its own training and sets its own schedule. During times of the year with high activity, like Spring Fling, it’s up to MERT to provide the additional staff.

Although every member of MERT must serve one shift during Fling, Sara says that there aren’t too many conflicts. For the most part, members prioritize their MERT duties over campus parties.

“People don’t normally protest against it too much,” she says. “If you want to be an EMT, you want to be doing stuff.”

***

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here is a reason that students involved in MERT are willing to make these kinds of sacrifices. MERT is a diverse group—its members study everything from chemical and biomolecular engineering to English; they are members of fraternities and sororities; some have their hearts set on medical school, and others would never dream of it.

“I think the majority of our members really do it because they really want to help people,” says Isabelle Oka, MERT’s Social Coordinator and a junior in Nursing. “They really want to give back to the community and change some person’s life in some way, somehow.”

Another draw is the opportunity to talk to various patients—MERT captain Victoria Pereira (C'15) says she relishes the chance to talk to people she’d never get to meet otherwise. During the downtime between when MERT arrives and when the ambulance shows up, she likes to learn more about the patient and his or her life story.

“It’s a cool little snapshot into the life of Penn,” she said.

***

A

t the same time, students who join MERT must navigate the unique and sometimes difficult path of providing medical help to their peers during some of their most vulnerable moments. Victoria explained MERT’s policy: never discuss patient information outside of the organization.

“Everything that we do stays within the people who actually saw it,” she said. “We’re pretty good about respecting everyone’s privacy.”

Still, Victoria says she has often run into people she knows while attending calls, while other members say that seeing patients they’ve treated around campus can be awkward. And despite Penn’s medical amnesty policy, many students are intimidated by MERT, especially when they’re called to help with alcohol–related issues.

MERT doesn’t charge a fee to its patients, but ambulance services can be expensive, sometimes in the thousands of dollars. When a student is intoxicated, they aren't allowed to refuse hospitalization, leading some students to avoid calling MERT in the first place.

One sophomore remembered a time she stayed up all night with an intoxicated friend who said he couldn't afford the ambulance fee.

Another sophomore, whose ambulance bill amounted to $1,500 at first and then $900 after insurance, said that paying the fee was a “huge pain.”

But a third sophomore, who needed emergency help after drinking too much a month into her freshman year, explained “the responders were direct and patient with me, but they also seemed sort of annoyed.”

by Caroline Simon Despite students’ discomfort seeking medical help, MERT is trained to treat such situations professionally, even in cases where the social dynamics are difficult to overcome.

“You put on a uniform, and you’re like, 'okay, I can easily differentiate this part of my life from other things,'” Sara says. “And I think that really helps with mitigating that awkwardness.”

***

U

ltimately, MERT is just another college club, and like most groups, connections are forged through late nights and shared work. Universally, members of MERT spoke positively about the friendships they have made through the organization.

“As you take more shifts, you get to know a lot more people. You all get really close,” says Sandra Loza–Avalos, MERT’s Disaster Response Team Officer. “It’s kind of like a little family.”

It’s a family that's been through diverse hardships. Sara says that MERT has responded to at least one squirrel attack, and intoxicated patients have been known to invite emergency responders back to their rooms.

But after Brett, Neville, Jacob and Carly return from their calls, take off their backpacks, and complete their paperwork, they go back to being everyday students—reclining on couches, munching on snacks and reliving their Friday night adventures.

Their adventures, though, have nothing to do with fraternities or hookups. “It’s so fun constantly getting calls and going to different places and meeting different people,” Sara says. “The excitement and adrenaline of that is definitely awesome.”

"You can't call 911," a MERT sophomore adds. "You are 911."

Caroline Simon is a sophomore in the College studying English and Communications. She is a Deputy News Editor at the DP.

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FILM & TV

YOUR WEEK IN FILM Anthologies, biopics and a Wes Anderson alert?

WHAT TO GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED FOR:

WHAT TO BRING UP IN FILM CLASS:

After doing huge business in limited release, Steve Jobs starts playing at Cinemark this weekend. Closer to a Aaron Sorkin–scripted stage play than a traditional biopic, you shouldn’t miss Michael Fassbender’s portrayal of the artist (and asshole) that made Apple the world’s biggest brand.

Guillermo del Toro’s Crimson Peak is the Halloween movie you should see at Cinemark this week. Expect more of a gothic romance than a straight–up horror film, but with plenty of the creepy atmosphere that audiences are itching for in late October.

This Monday, Oct. 26, Gregory College House is screening Paul Thomas Anderson’s classic Boogie Nights at 8pm. A young (Marky) Mark Wahlberg leads an amazing ensemble cast in this stylish drama set during the late '70s Golden Age of Porn in all its pre–digital drug–fueled glory.

After 2009’s Fantastic Mr. Fox, Wes Anderson is returning to stop–motion animation with a movie about dogs. We know that Bryan Cranston is part of the voice cast alongside Anderson– alums Jeff Goldblum, Bob Balaban and Edward Norton, but other details are scarce. Animal lovers beware—Anderson’s previous films have not been kind to dogs, and this is not a director known for abandoning old habits.

As part of Hollywood’s relentless campaign to destroy once–sacred franchises, Bruce Willis and director Len Wiseman are planning to make Die Hard 6, a prequel. Since origin stories are the worst and everyman John McClane is no superhero to begin with, this can only be the most boring Die Hard ever or the most batshit crazy '70s New York crime movie of all time.

WHAT TO STREAM: FX’s Fargo is an anthology series, meaning you can start out with the so far phenomenal second season without having seen the first. Unlike True Detective, it looks like Fargo can switch up its cast and setting and still avoid the dreaded sophomore slump.

Speaking of True Detective, the series’ director Cary Fukunaga wrote and directed Netflix’s first feature film Beasts of No Nation. Netflix is hoping for real awards attention here, but this drama about a warlord’s (Idris Elba) desensitization of a child soldier might be a hard sell. It’s brutal, it’s important, just watch it already.

DAN MAHER

A LAZY KID’S GUIDE TO THE 24TH PHILADELPHIA FILM FESTIVAL Why should you have to make any effort to sift through information when we will do it for you?

PRICING

• Regular screenings: $13 • Weekday matinees before 5pm: $8 • Rush tickets based on availability (waiting on line 30 minutes before the screening): $5 when presented with valid student ID • *Can purchase tickets online, by phone or at any festival venue up to 30 minutes before screening depending on availability

LOCATIONS

Shoemaker Green • 217 S. 33rd Street • Price approximation: Free. Walk!

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PFS Roxy Theater • 2023 Sansom Street • Price approximation: $11.65 by cab, $2.25 by public transit Prince Theater (PFF24 Box Office) • 1412 Chestnut Street • Price approximation: $12.83 by cab, $2.25 by public transit Ritz Bourse • 400 Ranstead Street • Price approximation: $17.76 by cab, $2.25 by public transit Ritz East • 125 S. 2nd Street • Price approximation: $19.44 by cab,

$2.25 by public transit Festival Lounge • 114 Market Street • Price approximation: $18.53 by cab, $2.25 by public transit

RECOMMENDATIONS

ON THE NEXT PAGE!

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The The Th lo • Who You’ll Recognize: director Charlie Kaufman inging seven ingseven seven mov m lessless less than than than 3030 b • When: Thursday, Oct. 22 at 6pm and 8pm many many many conven conv con • Where: Prince Theater paid paid paid services service servi BEING JOHN MALKOVICH inging ing interrupt interru inter • Year of Release: 1999 buffering buffering buffering and a • Who You’ll Recognize: Cameron Diaz, immunity immunity immunity to John Cusack, director Spike Jonze, and and and most most most imp im screenplay by Charlie Kaufman inging ing to towait towai w • When: Thursday, Oct. 29 at 4:30pm watching watching watching 7272 m • Where: Prince Theater onon Megavideo onMegavid Megav • CAROL Not Not Not to to me tom • Year of Release: 2015 price price price to to pay topapw Dine-In, Dine-In, Dine-In, Catering Catering Catering &&Delivery &Delivery Delivery • Who You’ll Recognize: Cate Blanchett, Rooney Mara thethe big thebig picture bigpict pic • When: Sunday, Oct. 25 at 7:15pm savings savings savings of of the of Happy Happy Happy Hour: Hour: Hour: Mon-Fri Mon-Fri Mon-Fri 5-7 5-7 5-7 students students students who wh wp • Where: Prince Theater services services services rather rath ra Lunch Lunch Lunch Special: Special: Special: Mon-Fri Mon-Fri Mon-Fri $8.95 $8.95 $8.95 movie movie movie theater thea the CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND tween tween tween $196,1 $196 $19 • Year of Release: 2002 Early Early Early Bird: Bird: Bird: Sun-Thur Sun-Thur Sun-Thur $10.95 $10.95 $10.95 depending depending dependin on • Who You’ll Recognize: Drew Barrymore, George ClooNetfl Netfl Netfl ix ix or ix or iT or ney (director and star) Moral Moral Moral of of the of th • When: Sunday, Oct. 25 at 9:45pm judge judge judge if you if if you yo ju • Where: Prince Theater

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

RECOMMENDATIONS:

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND • Year of Release: 2004 • Who You’ll Recognize: Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet • When: Saturday, Oct. 24 at 4:45pm • Where: Prince Theater

• 215.387.8533 • •215.387.8533 PattayaRestaurant.com PattayaRestaurant.com PattayaRestaurant.com 215.387.8533 • University • •University 4006 4006 4006 Chestnut Chestnut Chestnut Street Street Street University City City City

8 88

Two on-campus locations:

JAMES WHITE • Year of Release: 2015 • Who You’ll Recognize: Cynthia Nixon • When: Friday, Oct. 23 at 7:25pm and Monday, Oct. 26 at 2:55pm • Where: Ritz East

37th & Spruce Perelman Center (3400 Civic Center Blvd.)

OUR BRAND IS CRISIS • Year of Release: 2015 • Who You’ll Recognize: Sandra Bullock, Billy Bob Thornton • When: Saturday, Oct. 25 at 7:30pm • Where: Prince Theater SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK • Year of Release: 2008 • Who You’ll Recognize: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Michelle Williams • When: Thursday, Oct. 29 at 7pm • Where: Prince Theater TALE OF TALES • Year of Release: 2015 • Who You’ll Recognize: Salma Hayek • When: Friday, Oct. 23 at 2:10pm and Saturday, Oct. 31 at 12:05pm • Where: Ritz East

EMILY HASON

all-natural, locallysourced foods

free-range and hormone-free meats

GMO-free dressings

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*A*A*A simple simp sim of of 100 of100 100 Penn Pen P surveyed surveyed surveyed to to c their their their film film fivie lmv

FOOD & DRINK

EAT MOR CHIKIN: FED 'NUTS VS. WISHBONE Two girls, two fried chicken places...who will win?

To maximize our chicken tasting experience, we tried the top four chicken flavors offered between the two.

FEDERAL DONUTS 1. Sweet Soy Garlic This flavor can be best compared to a dumpling in chicken form. You may be skeptical now, but this fried, warm, moist goodness is the perfect combination of Asian and Southern comfort food. The soy was more of an aftertaste, but the chicken itself took the prize for the best food stuff home.

2. Honey–Glazed Donut This freebie with any chicken purchase is the ultimate palate cleanser. Take a bite between each flavor of chicken. Or just get four and have a whole one in between, your choice.

WISHBONE

Final Verdict Haiku: Fried Chicken and 'nuts You bring peace to Middle East Best duo idea

1. Mac and Cheese We're afraid to even start describing this because we might not stop. It looks like dog barf but tastes like a big chunk of heaven. It's hard to fuck up a dish with macaroni, mascarpone, cheddar, swiss, summer tomatoes, chipotle, chicken sausage, herbs and pretzel crumbs. Being the fat asses that we are, we were all too close to buying a soft pretzel to dunk in the mac.

Fair warning, half a pound seemed significantly less here than it did at Federal. And we may or may not have gotten into an argument with the cashier about the amount of food...

30 PRETZELS FOR $9 1 COUPON PER CUSTOMER. NOT VALID W/ OTHER OFFERS. VALID ONLY AT SPRUCE ST. LOCATION. VALID UNTIL10/19/2015.

2. Pretzel Crusted White Meat Chicken This was a true chicken tender, but definitely not a "chili garlic" level of fried chicken.

If you need a late night snack and the McDonald's line is out the door at 12am, this is the way to go. Federal closes at 7pm (it's only flaw). Keep this in consideration for good drunk eats...aka coming here sober will leave a brother a little sad.

3. Pretzel Crusted Dark Meat Chicken We couldn't taste the difference between the white and dark meat. We also couldn't locate the meat because there was so much crust. Crust is never a bad thing, don't get us wrong, but a good fried chicken is lost without a good ratio.

4. Buttermilk Biscuit Un–freakin–real. A little

bite of happiness post lack–luster chicken. Best compared to a fluffy cloud of hot and buttery goodness. You can come here for just the biscuit and mac and cheese and leave a happy camper.

5. Dippers We chose parmesan pesto, lime chipotle mayo and tamarind sweet chili in an attempt to expand beyond the usual honey mustard. Mistake. Never expand beyond the honey mustard. Our tip: stick with the classics to avoid high risk situations. High risk being parmesan pesto in this case. Sounds good in theory, but in practice, this will let you down. Life lessons, kids.

Final Verdict Haiku: We had such high hopes We want our half hour back And new underwear [Ed. note: not in a good way.]

IN CONCLUSION:

free bag of candy or nuts

BUY ONE BAG OF CANDY OR NUTS, GET A SECOND BAG FREE!*

*Must be equal or lesser value. Valid until 10/19/15

Both located at: 3734 Spruce Street 215-222-5055 1 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E O C T O B E R 2 2 , 2 01 5

Federal is often overlooked as simply a good donut shop for finals week, but in reality it should be on your list of places to go for a fabulous meal. Both the donuts and the chicken are perfectly fried and won't make you feel like you just took a bath in a tub of grease. Wishbone, on the other hand, requires a deep cleanse with multiple face washes afterwards. The

glazes and seasonings at Federal Donuts put Wishbone's to shame. Our recommendation: pick up sides from Wishbone, and get your fried chicken and donuts from Federal. If you're in the mood for a good mac and cheese and biscuit, Wishbone is Mecca. But we don't plan on going there sober again anytime soon (read: ever).

DINA ZARET & ELENA MODESTI

FOOD & DRINK

HOW TO MAXIMIZE PB WITH YOUR J

Everything is better with (peanut) butter.

Sometimes all you want is the good ol' favorite Peanut Butter and Jelly.

And when we say “all you want” we mean you want nothing else. Here’s our guide on what to do when that happens, or when you’re just out of bread.

1. Toast: if u got it, flaunt it.

2. Honey Nut Cheerios: Dip ur spoon in jelly, then PB, then sprinkle on the Os. 3. Greek yogurt: Elevate those little side cups of jelly by adding a generous dose of PB. 4. Pancakes: Cafe Lift made PB&J pancakes, so I made PB&J pancakes.

5. Oatmeal: Ooh baby, baby mix it, mix it real good.

6. Tostitos: Good idea or bad idea? Idk let us know.

7. Greek Lady Pita: That but-

tery goodness would prob be good with anything, tbh.

8. Chocolate: Break off a square or two and layer it on.

9. Ben and Jerry’s PB Banana Frozen Yogurt: Put jelly on top for #noregrets.

10. Pretzels: When you need a salty sweet salty combo, this will do the trick.

TL;DR: Is it a carb? Yes? Put PB&J on it and be happy.

DINA ZARET & ELENA MODESTI

WE'D PUT YOU BETWEEN TWO PIECES OF BREAD AND EAT YOU. MORE ONLINE @ 34ST.COM.

Mon

TUE

WED

THU

FRI

7:30 AM – 2:00 PM

7:30 AM - 2:00 PM

7:30 AM – 2:00 PM

Visit us at 34th & Market!

10:30 AM – 2:00 PM

Bring your PennCards on Wednesdays in October to get a 20% discount!

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CALEND(ART)

ARTS

24

23

You should probably put these in your gcal….

Art.

More Art.

25

26

27

You get the idea.

NOW THROUGH OCTOBER 31:

OPEN SOURCE: ENGAGING AUDIENCES IN PUBLIC SPACES This year, Philadelphia’s Mural Arts Program is running a series of events and tours to celebrate open source art that engages and interacts with the public.The program has been running since Oct. 1 and is set to conclude on Oct. 31, so be sure to take advantage of it before it ends (this is the first time the Program has done something with this, so it's ~historical~ as well).

Where: All of Philadelphia When: Now until Oct. 31

…THIS WEEKEND SPECIFICALLY… Friday Open Source Trolley Tours of Philadelphia's most prominent murals (the city is known for them, after all).

The North Philly tour is on Oct. 23 at 1pm and the South Philly tour is on Oct. 24 at 9:30am.

Saturday Open House Pour with the Dufala Brothers, i.e., watch these Philadelphia natives transform aluminum waste at the Bok Building into pieces of art…

see if you can get a souvenir to spice up your dorm. Oct. 24 and 31, 9am– 5pm.

Sunday Art of Conflict Talk with Teddy Cruz, Jennie Shanker and Michelle Angela Ortiz that focuses on urban demographic conflict and its relationship with art. This sounds cool and you should go, it’s only two hours on a Sunday and we all know you need a study break. Oct. 25, 2pm–4pm.

OCTOBER 28

(FOR THE POLITICALLY CORRECT)

Go see Chairman of the Human Rights Foundation and former Russian Politician Garry Kasparov speak at the Free Library of Philadelphia. Not exactly art, but the cultural enlightenment the

talk offers seems on par with a visit to the Met. When: Oct. 28 at 7:30pM Cost: $7 for students

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NOW THROUGH NOVEMBER 20 MATHEMATIC: A FINE ART EXHIBITION

The exhibition features art of all mediums that demonstrate the evidence of math in art, ranging from direct in interpretations of mathematical structures like fractals, to the more abstract idea of the human desire for order. Perhaps the perfect way to reconcile your PTSD from Math 104—maybe Penn should consider

incorporating some of the pieces into its DRL art collection.

Where: Esther Klein Gallery at 3600 Market Street When: Now until Nov. 20, open Monday–Saturday 9am–5pm EMILY JOHNS

ARTS

DIY: JACK O' LANTERNS

092315_Penne Daily_Pennsylvanian_PRINT.pdf

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9/23/15

11:54 AM

A great touch to any Beige Block porch

Okay—it’s officially fall. By now, you’ve probably made a trip out to Linvilla with your sorority sisters (if you don’t post an Insta with the caption #LINvilla did you even go?), and you probably bought a pumpkin or two because they were cute, and you’re totally gonna carve them and drunk people are definitely not gonna smash them within an hour of their existence….

We feel you though—fall is fun. So, here are some hacks to make your carving endeavors painless and easy to replicate in the event of the inevitable smashing.

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Y

CM

MY

CY

To make your life easier…

• When you cut the top off, cut a rectangle out of the back as well (keep them attached, obviously). This will make scraping your pumpkin out SO much easier.

• Draw any lines on with a dry erase marker instead of a sharpie so you can wash off any imperfections (duh…).

• Coat the inside of your pumpkin with Vaseline when you’re done to keep it #fresh for longer.

• Related: Use an electric candle instead of a traditional one to make your pumpkin live longer.

• Use an ice cream scoop to get the guts out (these are literally made for this…).

For the more ambitious carvers (read: the assholes)…

• If you’re going for a fancier design but don’t think you can execute it free hand, order some cute cookie cutters on Amazon, place them on your pumpkin and take a mallet to them. No one will ever know….

• Break out the power tools (Ed. note: This is why these people are assholes….). If, for some reason, you have an electric drill on hand, these are great for small, intricate holes.

• Use a stencil, trace your design onto the pumpkin, use a dry erase marker (see above).

• Cut SLOWLY. Have PATIENCE. • For the really intricate designs that don’t cut all the way through the surface, cover the outside of the pumpkin with Vaseline as well to preserve it.

BONUS: roast the pumpkin seeds…

• Wash well to remove excess pulp.

• Use 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil to 2 cups of seeds.

• 1 tablespoon of salt.

• Place the seeds on a baking sheet and roast at 250 degrees until lightly brown, for about 1 hour.

CMY

K

EMILY JOHNS

Quaker FootbalL

Fan Fest pregame October 23rd vs. Yale specials November 7th vs. Princeton 215.388.4600 | New Deck Tavern | 3408 Sansom Street O C T O B E R 2 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 17

LOWBROW

Winter’s coming: The air is crisp, there’s a new One Direction album and food’s running scarce. What would happen if you didn’t have nuts left to eat (or play with)? We don’t want to find out.

Lowbrow has constructed a guide to storing your nuts, keeping them safe and making sure they don’t go rancid!

• • • •

Keep them wrapped tight—plastic baggies, saran wrap and jock straps work great.

Remove moisture—use Arm & Hammer or Bengay.

Mark your territory—lick them often so no one else will take them.

Check for mutations—feel them consis-

• • •

tently to make sure nothing is growing on them.

Make them pretty—you should always wash, shine and sand your nuts.

Name them—Todd works great.

Keep them safe—losing them might hurt your stomach or masculinity.

Remember, nuts come in all different shapes and sizes so embrace the ones you got! (Ed. note: Brazil nuts are the best though; they’re so smooth!)

YOU'RE NUTS IF YOU THINK LOWBROW IS REAL

WHAT YOUR FAVORITE NUT SAYS ABOUT YOU

We all love nuts! Use this list to discover what your preference in nuts says about you.

Walnut: This nut is wrinkly. Your soul is old. So is your penis.

Brazil Nut: Brazil nuts are smooth and oddly shaped. Are you both smooth and oddly shaped? Most likely.

Cashew: Curvy like cashews, you often go against the norm. You also resemble a snail.

Peanut: Peanuts are not actually nuts. They’re

legumes. You, like peanuts, are pretending to be something you’re not.

Chestnut: Chestnuts roasting on an open fire… arsonist.

Pecan: Just like the nut, you have a “can” do attitude. It’s unfortunate that things don’t work out often… or ever.

Almond: Almonds are hard, just like your heart.

Pine Nut: Pine nuts cost a lot. You have a Louboutin addiction.

Pistachio: You’re green with envy. You’ll never have Becky’s life. Give up now.

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Hazelnut: You like Nutella, don’t you? And you think you’re cool and hip? You’re not.

LOWBROW

NUTS ABOUT SQUIRRELS

Squirrels are pretty nuts about nuts. And hell, Lowbrow is pretty nuts about squirrels. Here are some pics of these nutty creatures around campus.

Quick! Salvage the fur before PETA finds out!

"Steve, I'm telling you. That's not my best angle."

The Jane Goodall of our generation.

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Muffin squirrel > Pizza rat.

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