September 17, 2015

September 17-24, 2015 34st.com

BOOZY BRUNCHIN'

SNAPCHATS

DATE VS. INTERVIEW

september 17 LOL

3 HIGHBROW

HTTP://FROMTHEEDITOR

2015

This is an ode to the internet.

The internet is my everything.

The internet is where I go to check out my favorite DJ's Instagrams. The internet doesn't judge me for my Diplo–gram obsession, so you shouldn't either.

Finally, Street is going to live, first and foremost, on the internet. Yes, Street is taking the leap to digital–first journalism.

All the reporters and editors are optimizing articles for online and publishing them before our print production night on Wednesdays. This means more exciting, web–friendly designs and more responsibility for our reporters and editors to create fresh, fast–paced content.

This marks Street’s entry into the contemporary media landscape. Consider this Street's bar mitzvah. Street is growing up.

So dear reader, instead of checking Facebook, Instagram or Twitter first thing in the morning, hit up 34st.com. (Alternatively, hit us up on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.) It will be updated 24/7 with fre$h content every single damn day of the week.

Are you ready for it? Because 34st.com is ready for you.

fuckboys

4 WORD ON THE STREET hill

5 EGO

get $$$

LOL

LOL

LOL

7 MUSIC bar vibes

9 HEALTH nature

TTYL,

10 FEATURE deaf pride

12 FILM LOL

this week

14 FOOD & DRINK boozy brunch

LOL

LOL

16 ARTS

Are you a lady in the Street and a freak in the sheets? Or just a freak?

snapchats

18 LOWBROW ocritis

Writers meeting @ 6:30 tn 4015 'nut

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief Marley Coyne, Managing Editor Ariela Osuna, Digital Director Ling Zhou, Design Director Byrne Fahey, Design Director Corey Fader, Photo Director Yasmin Meleis, Social Media and Marketing Director Dani Blum, Features Editor Rebecca Heilweil, Features Editor Casey Quackenbush, Culture Editor Orly Greenberg, Word on the Street Editor Caroline Marques, Entertainment Editor Emily Johns, Styles Editor 2

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Conor Cook, Highbrow Beat Allie Cohen, Ego Beat Carolyn Grace, Ego Beat Spencer Winson, Lowbrow Beat Caroline Harris, Lowbrow Beat Johanna Matt-Navarro, Music Beat Talia Sterman, Music Beat Emily Hason, Film and TV Beat Brandon Slotkin, Film and TV Beat Steph Barron, Arts Beat Syra Ortiz-Blanes, Arts Beat Elena Modesti, Food + Drink Beat Dina Zaret, Health, Food + Drink Beat Galit Krifcher, Design Editor Holly Li, Design Editor Jeffrey Yang, Design Editor

Dina Zaret, Dining Guide Editor Katie Dumke, Photo Editor Pat Goodridge, Staff Photographer Kyle Bryce-Borthwick, Video Producer Randi Kramer, Copy Director Staff Writers: Hallie Brookman, Julie Chu Cheong, Dan Maher, Amanda Reid, Pat Goodridge Staff Photographer: Alex Fisher Feature Writer: Julie Levitan Staff Designers: Brinda Ramesh, Mica Tenenbaum, Lindsay Mangines, Nadia Kim, Remi Lederman, Sofie Praestgaard

Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader, Pat Goodridge, Alex Fisher and Katie Dumke.

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief, at sternlicht@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. www.34st.com "We do do shit." ©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

ATTN: PENN FUCKBOYS HIGHBROW

You suck. Here's why.

What is a fuckboy? A lame, douchey guy who thinks he’s cooler than he is and doesn’t treat others respectfully. He will probably have a dadbod within the next five years (sans child) after earning his economic history degree from the University of Pennsylvania.

He’ll be wearing workout clothes, even though he hasn’t been to the gym since he quit being a varsity athlete. He probably thinks it’s okay, perhaps even fashionable, to wear a basketball jersey as a t–shirt—it’s not. You can envision him becoming a finance wash–up who orders shitty Kung Pow chicken from Seamless and drinks beer alone on weeknights. His farts probably smell like stale emotions and processed carbohydrates.

Fuckboys plague Penn’s campus. Penn breeds a variety of fuckboys, so you have to be careful and protect yourself. Maybe you’re talking to a cute international boy in suede Tod’s driving loafers and a fitted pair of jeans. Or maybe a scrumptious athlete wearing sweats and a drawstring backpack asks about your weekend. Don’t be fooled—those are full–on fuckboy uniforms.

How to spot a fuckboy? First, talk to your friends. If you

hooked up with a hot upperclassman last weekend, you’ll be too biased to look at this situation seriously. Did he text you the next day? Did he perhaps thank you for the wonderful evening together? If there’s no follow–up, he’s probably a fuckboy. We aren’t saying you need to date this fellow, but a little communication is nice.

Some say chivalry isn’t dead, but fuckboys are beating it to the ground.

Did he tell you about where he “summers”? (Nantucket). Red flag. Is he a momma’s boy? Vom, another red flag. Go with your gut—you and your core group of gal pals (and your gay best friend) will be able to determine whether or not this was a toot–it–and–boot–it situation.

To get a fuckboy off your tail, do not succumb to his shenanigans. No “Netflix and chill.” Don’t even answer his texts or add him on Facebook. Add him to your “No–no List.” If you ask yourself, “Should I go back to him…?” the answer is, “Uh, no–no.” You need to stay disciplined. Most importantly, do not go down that slippery slope that is Snapchat.

Enough said.

Next time you see him out, give a little hug hello and then ignore him for the rest

THEROUNDUP Jew year, Jew you! You might be a total goy, but we all know you’re going to cash in on any excuse to skip class. Near and far, Is–reali been a wild week….

Philly’s hottest club is right on campus. This past weekend, one M&T undergrad went all out for his birthday bash. He hired performers dressed in huge Dora the Explorer and Spongebob Squarepants outfits to pour shots of Belvedere down the thirsty throats of attendees and to twerk the night away.The party defied Campus Apartments’ fire codes—the characters brought bottles to partygoers with sparklers. We have one question: If you fucked Spongebob, which hole would you even use?

As the saying goes: It’s not gay unless it’s butt play. Or at least, we think that’s a saying. At a par-

of your night. Do not engage or express interest. Tell him you’ve started to see a steamy Italian boy named… Allegro.

You already planned to go see Allegro around 2:30am, but maybe even later now that he’s committed/available to you 24/7.

NO FUCKBOY ZONES

over heard PENN at

Huntsman senior: I would never have sleepovers with my hookups—my breath smells like a diaper in the morning, and I get really self conscious about it.

They’re everywhere, but there are some places on campus where you can take a deep breath and relax.

Sorority sister at the Penn bookstore: Stop doing coke with babies on a Tuesday!

Pottruck Third Floor: It’s all gays and sorority sisters. You know it’s true.

Fisher Fine Arts: A lot of hipsters, really good vibes.

Magic Carpet Line: No one will let anything get in the way of you and your baked tofu salad. They have your back.

St. Mary’s Church: Lol do you even know anyone who’s been there?

Zoology Building: The front of the building feels like a tropical oasis.

Kid at Wharton dual degree party: So, a bowl is a receptacle for smoking marijuana, right?

ty last weekend, one SAE bro was eager to enter a ZBT party. Unfortunately, Mr. SAE may have been a little too eager when he was at the door. As he tried to enter the party, he got too close to a ZBT brother, who thought he was going straight in for an intimate kiss. We all know you just can’t slip it in like that. The ZBT bro was not drunk in love and punched his suitor in the face. We hope they actually kissed and made up.

Houston, we have a problem—I’m horny. One morning this week, a horny couple wanted to have a quickie before class. Unfortunately, both live off campus, and heading home to go to Pound Town was out of the question. As they roamed campus, the duo headed to Houston Hall, hoping to find a secluded area. On the second floor, the pair walked into the auditorium and proceeded to have sex. Not in a bathroom, not in a private room… in the middle of an auditorium. They got away with the dirty deed and made it to their 10:30am classes. Should we add this our bucket

Guy in bear costume outside Wishbone: Xanax gets you more fucked up than Molly. I'm trying to organize a pledge class acid trip.

Girl on Locust: I really want to go on birth control! No wait. Birthright, not control.

list? We now have a different interpretation of “getting a snack in Houston.”

What happens abroad doesn’t stay abroad.

Highbrow took a quick trip to Sevilla, Spain for some cultural immersion and a good gossip sesh.

After a wild night at the discoteca, one chica loca left her friends, and no one knew where she was. When she finally returned home the next morning around 9am, her concerned host family questioned where she had been. Our friend claimed she had a late night with her new amigos and brushed off the Spanish Inquisition. A few hours later, however, the mailman was at the host family’s house and told them he had seen the girl asleep on the ground outside. She clearly didn’t get his stamp of approval.

The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.

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WORD ON THE STREET

FROM THE DEPTHS OF HILL

word on the STREET

JUSTIN ESTREICHER

B

ack in high school, I never had much school spirit. I took pride in opting out of pajamas or Hawaiian garb during Spirit Week and made no effort to pretend that I cared about my school’s sports teams while stuffed into the crowded gym bleachers for pep rallies. Toward the end of my senior year, I watched many of my friends—people who had never shown much more spirit than I had—fall in love with their chosen colleges and express that love with a passion.

As I observed this transformation, I wondered what should make college so different from high school.

How could I feel so enthusiastic about a school I hadn’t even yet attended? I figured that I didn’t owe anything to my university—certainly not the sort of spirit I had never before felt.

Admittedly, a bit of this attitude followed me to Penn. I suppose it’s easy to hold on to that bitterness when you live in a place that’s as maddeningly hot as Hill. Yes, Hill is where I ended up. Those of you who have ever landed in the Fiery Pit of Death (my affectionate name for the non–air–conditioned building) know where I’m coming from. If you’ve frequented the dining hall at Hill, you’ve had a little taste of how we live.

As for the rest of you, well, take my word for it.

Hill in late August and early September is miserable. I tell people that it’s alright as long as you remain calm, but in all honesty, I have been sent running for a cool place to study several times. There is a point at which the heat renders the human brain incapable of functioning—a daily occurrence at Hill.

I have found myself many an evening sitting in the lounge, where some generous soul may have brought his or her fan, going tit–for–tat with the other people in my hall on stories of sweaty, sweltering struggles.

Everyone seems to have a tale about sleeping with no covers on with a fan aimed directly at his or her face.

It’s almost unsettling how many times I have heard my suitemates describe fat drops of perspiration falling from their foreheads and splashing on textbook pages or computer keyboards. I shared a knowing laugh with one of my neighbors, when I witnessed her peeling her legs off of the wooden chair where she’d been sitting and pulling down her shorts so that she wouldn’t stick to her seat again.

This sort of gathering of commiserating freshmen quickly became routine in my suite, and initially, I joined in without giving it much thought.

It crept up on me, really: Through the sweaty nights in which my new friends and I came together to exchange jokes and stories, play cards or a game of mafia or watch a movie, I had found a community.

Sure, we Hill folk have suffered together, but in the process, we’ve also become an amazingly close–knit group in hardly any time. I am

"I think that every student deserves to feel a sense of unity, a sense of belonging within a larger group—and that’s what living in Hill brought me."

One freshman on beating the odds (and the heat) and learning to love living in Hill.

incredibly thankful for that—for our ability to come together at the end of the day, even though our individual paths lead us on such different curricular and extracurricular trajectories.

At a school where there are probably not going to be many more shared experiences for my entire graduating class, it’s nice to know that I’ll always have my suitemates to turn to.

And that’s the key. That’s how I found my reason to show some school spirit. I don’t owe it to the university, but I do owe it to my classmates, and I certainly owe it to myself. I think that every student deserves to feel a sense of unity, a sense of belonging within a larger group—and that’s what living in Hill brought me.

So, I happily wear my Penn gear around the campus. I even find myself whistling our school songs sometimes. I’d like to tell you that I bleed red and blue, too, but I’ll have to get back to you on that one the next time I get a paper cut—inflicted, of course, by a sweat–stained textbook page.

ILLUSTRATION BY AMANDA REID

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EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: LAURA PETRO

This week's Ego is a funny fashionista who has a knack for writing and smoothie making. And don't get her started on Stanley Tucci!

Street: What’s your spirit animal?

Laura Petro: Marnie the dog [@marniethedog], because she has a cute but slightly terrifying thing going on. But mostly, she’s just a girl out in the world trying to do her best.

Street: What are some of your favorite Bloomer’s characters?

LP: The Mom in the "Jew for My Daughter" sketch. It’s a spoof of "Hakuna Matata," but it’s "A Jew for My Daughter."

I’m Jewish; it hits home. I can relate. Everyone knows the Jappy Jewish mom character.

Street: What’s been your favorite moment from the Bloomer’s GroupMe? LP: Well we just rebranded it to be the Troupe–Me. (Ed. note: Like comedy troupe.) Also, when the Chairwoman of Bloomers, Nina Kao, responded she was "maybe" attending the Bloomer’s show on Facebook.

She was there, though.

Street: Tell us about LaughtHERfest!

LP: It’s a one day festival celebrating women in comedy.

It will start off with a panel with Vanessa Bayer, who was a Penn and Bloomer alum, and Julie Kraut, who’s a writer for Odd Mom Out. We have workshops, and the big shebang at the end of the day is a performance at 8pm headlined by Vanessa Bayer, Aparna Nancherla and Michelle Wolf, as well as student performers.

Street: Do you have Vanessa Bayer’s number?

LP: Yes. Street: OMG. Do you snapchat?

LP: No, I try to play it cool with her. I used to do alumni relations, and when we were doing our show in New York she had emailed me being like,

“I want to try to make it. I don’t know if I’ll get out of work in time,” and I wanted to be like, “YOU MEAN SNL. WORK IS SNL.” And then she asked if she could get my number in case she was running late, and I was like, "yeah totally, totally," and she texted me that night, and I was like, I think I can throw out my phone now.

That’s all I ever need; I got the best text I’ll ever get.

Street: What can we expect from The WALK this semester?

LP: Our theme for this semester is exposure. With the theme, our student group will be Men Against Rape and Sexual Assault. So we’re playing with the idea of exposure in terms of social issues and things like that, but also physically being expose.

There may be some nudity… but tasteful nudes of course.

his bath sucks him under, and he ends up in an underwater world where he’s confronted with these crazy mystical things that vomited out of my imagination. The underwater world helps him discover things about himself and about not being such a grownup. It also helps him help his family in a certain way that I won’t reveal for all those excited readers out there!

Street: What advice would you give to your freshman–year self?

LP: Don’t let anyone convince you to take Econ. YOU DON’T NEED THAT STRESS AND CONFUSION IN YOUR LIFE.

Street: Who is your doppelganger?

LP: I’m fully convinced that it’s Stanley Tucci. If you Google images of him right now and put his face next to my face, it’s Street: Where is the weirdest so true. I also just like to think that he would play me in the place you’ve held a photomovie of my life. He’s whimsical shoot?

LP: We did a photoshoot in the and snarky but very much still grounded in reality like I am. bio greenhouse last semester, which was super interesting but Street: If you are what you eat, also really terrifying because what are you? there were signs everywhere LP: A giant smoothie with fruit saying “Caution: Live Larva.”

And we had all these pristine clothes that we borrowed from boutiques, so I just kept saying, “Don’t touch the plants!”

Street: We heard you’re writing a children’s book. What’s it about?

LP: I started writing it for the class "Writing for Children"

by Kathy DeMarco Van Cleve, who is the best professor at Penn. It’s about a little boy who takes himself too seriously. He’s like a 40–year–old accountant in a seven–year–old’s body.

and spinach and kale and other assorted pantry items, plus a handful of Nestle semi sweet chocolate chips on the side. As I say this, I realize I have just deemed myself "most basic girl on earth," but I cannot tell a lie.

Street: There are two types of people at Penn…

LP: People who have been to a Bloomers show, and people who are doing nothing right.

Hometown: Galloway, NJ Major: Communication Minor: Hispanic Studies Activities: Editor–In– Chief of The WALK Magazine, Co–Director of Bloomers, Coordinator of LaughtHERfest, Big Brothers Big Sisters, College Cognoscenti Guilty Pleasure: "Creating scenarios between strangers I see walking down the street. You know, writing their internal dialogue and life stories, casual stuff."

Yuengling Oktoberfest Lancaster Baked Pumpkin TBC Jack-O-Traveler Pumpkin Shandy Dogfish Head Punkin Ale Sierra Nevada Oktoberfest Fordham Spiced Pumpkin Ale River Horse Hip-O-Lantern Imperial Pumpkin Ale Evil Genius Trick or Treat Chocolate Pumkin Porter McKenzie's Spiced Cider

Street: So he’s a Penn student?

LP: Exactly. Inspired by everyone who goes to Wharton. One day he goes into his bath, and S E P T E M B E R 17 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E Yuengling Oktoberfest Lancaster Baked Pumpkin

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EGO

EGO'S GUIDE TO QUICK CASH ON CAMPUS Don’t have time for a campus job, but need cash for all those BYOs this semester? Ego has a few suggestions for how to ALLIE COHEN + CAROLYN GRACE make money on your own time during the school year, and it doesn’t take much!

IF YOU HAVE A CAR ON CAMPUS...

IF YOU HAVE OLD STUFF AND A FACEBOOK PROFILE

If you have a car and smartphone on campus, are at least 21–years–old and know how navigate the streets of Philly, you should cruise around as a driver for Uber or Lyft. Driving with either of these transportation companies as an independent contractor gives you full control to work when you want, wherever you want.

You get about 80% of your payment through weekly direct deposits, and you get to keep your customer tips.

So, if you’re in a tight spot for cash and it’s formal season for frats and sororities, Uber and Lyft are a pretty lucrative route (pun intended). Driving is also a great way to explore more sections of Philadelphia, like Old City and Rittenhouse Square. So buckle up and make a few bucks while you’re at it!

If you’re on Facebook (you are) and have some stuff you don’t want anymore on campus (you do), you need to join the Free & For Sale Facebook group. You can sell literally anything on here, from a ping pong table to a pair of jeans to PMA exhibition tickets. If possible, it’s best to upload a photo of the item along with a description. Hopefully, you’ll get a message from one of the nearly 7,000 Penn students on the group and can then arrange a meet–up with the buyer. It’s quicker than a Wharton Behavioral Lab, and it pays better too! So whether you’re trying to make a quick buck during the end of the year move out or you’re just trying to clean out your room, this is always a good place to start.

IF YOU HAVE BIKEHAVE ON CAMPUS...

IFAYOU A BED ON CAMPUS...

Stay on campus for all of your salon needs TRY OUR CUSTOM FACIALS!

Product and procedure tailored to your unique skin conditions.

Truly a soothing and therapeutic experience.

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Near the 37th and Spruce St. Trolley Stop

215.222.9351

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If you have a bed on campus, a friend’s couch to crash on or perhaps a ~sleeping partner~ to house you, consider renting your room out on Airbnb. You can list your room anytime of the year at your convenience, but with that famous Catholic coming into town, there will be 1.5 million possible tenants in Philly who will actually pay to sleep in your twin XL bed under your Spider Man comforter. Get this: Current listings in the University City area are averaging $216 a night that weekend.

IF YOU HAVE A BIKE ON CAMPUS...

If you have a bike on campus, a few hours a week and a desire for some extra cash, apply to be a Postmate courier.

Postmates is an app that lets users place orders from any restaurant or store that then gets delivered to your door by a Postmates courier.

For all those Sunday mornings you’ve woken up hungover in bed hoping someone will hear your prayer and bring you a Wawa sub and gatorade, pay it forward as a Postmate courier you can make that wish come true for someone.

You set your own hours and get to see Philadelphia, making it a perfect part–time gig for college students. Plus, it's as good for your quads, but better for your wallet, than Flywheel.

FOLLOW ME I'M POOR @34ST

YOUR WEEK IN MUSIC

WHAT TO SEE:

MUSIC

Not Stromae, who cancelled his concert tonight (Sept. 17) for no given reason.

Keep it unbelievably classy this Sunday, Sept. 20 or Monday, Sept. 21 (or both—why don't ya try) at the Kimmel Center with the Philadelphia Chamber Orchestra as composer Get down to A$AP Rocky, or be classy at the Philly Chamber Orchestra. Or Conrad Tao premieres his concerto "An Adjustment," featurJOHANNA MATT-NAVARO ing a mixture of traditional orchestral instruments and modern better yet, do both. electronic sounds.

Swing by Festival Pier at Penn’s Landing on Sept. 23 to see A$AP Rocky and Tyler the Creator, with special appearances

by Danny Brown and Vince Staples.

We’re The only bike shop on campus!

WHAT TO LISTEN TO: While you're sitting in front of the ARCH checking people out, blast Lana del Rey's latest SABS–y release "Music To Watch Boys To." The indie band Beirut released album No No No (Ed note: Exactly how we feel about our growing piles of unfinished work).

While staying true to their distinctive syncopated sound, this album, written after the lead singer was hospitalized and recovered from tour–induced stress, has a more reflective and centered energy (and we all need that).

Your favorite 2008 “Whatever You Like” rapper T.I. is back and full of surprises, unexpectedly releasing an EP this past week titled Da Nic’.

Recently, former Outkast member Big Boi and indie group Phantogram dropped the first song of their upcoming EP. "Fell Into the Sun" features an impressive combination of synth instruments and rap. We can dig it.

WHAT TO TALK ABOUT: In this week’s best moment of music television news, Paul Simon, of Simon and Garfunkel, and Stephen Colbert, of The Colbert Report and The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, posed as a spoof cover band and performed a rendition of Paul Simon’s “Me and Julio Down By The Schoolyard."

There are rumblings of previously inactive rap group OFWGKTA making an appearance at OFWGKTA member Tyler the Creator’s “Camp Flog Gnaw Carnival.” Brace yourself for the masses OFWGKTA snapbacks that are about to make a comeback.

(215) 387-7433 4040 Locust Street @KeswickCycle

(at the end of locust walk)

Cool, affordable fixies THE SE 2015 DRaft

f Scwinn speedster

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university city 4040 locust street (215) 387-7433 save while in school!

Students get 10% OFF sale non-sale bicycles and accessories with valid student I.D. $299.99

Students and Faculty get 10% OFF non-sale bicycles and accessories with valid school I.D.

S E P T E M B E R 17 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

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MUSIC

NAME: Georgia Huang SCHOOL: College YEAR: 2018 LISTENING TO: "The Staple Song," by Gregory Alan Isakov

NAME: Craig Needhammer SCHOOL: Engineering YEAR: Masters Student LISTENING TO: "Do I Wanna Know?" by Arctic Monkeys

NAME: Phillip Trent SCHOOL: Engineering YEAR: 2018 LISTENING TO: "Everything You Are," by Ed Sheeran

NAME: Jared Lin SCHOOL: College YEAR: 2019 LISTENING TO: "She's a Bad Mama Jama," by Carl Carlton

NAME: Amani Bey SCHOOL: College YEAR: 2019 LISTENING TO: "Building a Ladder," by Hiatus Kayote

NAME: Gabee Ayres SCHOOL: Engineering YEAR: 2017 LISTENING TO: "When Darkly Looms The Day," from Iolanthe by Gilbert Sullivan

NAME: Clara Jane Hendrickson SCHOOL: College YEAR: 2016 LISTENING TO: "Bron–yr–aur,"

by Led Zeppelin

BEATS ON THE STREET

NAME: Keegan Cannon SCHOOL: DREXEL YEAR: 2019 LISTENING TO: "Snowstorm," by Galaxie 500

NAME: Sofia Price SCHOOL: College YEAR: 2019 LISTENING TO: "Diane Young,"

by Vampire Weekend BRANDON SLOTKIN

Street stopped students on Locust to hear what they were listening to. From Arctic Monkeys to Ed Sheeren, here's a taste of who has better music tastes than you do. Or not. You decide.

NAME: Sophia Yang SCHOOL: College YEAR: 2016 LISTENING TO: "What Do You Mean?" by Justin Bieber

We know it’s early, but spots are already filling up for next year...

Call us today.

We’d love to help you find a great place.

www.apartmentsatpenn.com

215.222.0222

At Penn, At Home.

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NAME: Peter Jeffrey SCHOOL: Wharton YEAR: 2016 LISTENING TO: "Beautiful Day," by U2 NAME: Allison Strumeyer SCHOOL: College YEAR: 2017 LISTENING TO: "I Go To Extremes," by Billy Joel

MUSIC

HOW TO SOUND LIKE A HIPSTER:

HOW TO IMPRESS SOMEONE SCENEY: This is a good time as any to name drop Jamie xx. He’s part of the xx so he’s technically indie, but the amount of attention his stellar debut has called for (excessive) and mass appeal means Jamie xx is your man. In Colour features music that appeals to all ends of the spectrum, so this is a win–win.

There’s rap from Young Thug on “Good Times.” And “Loud Places” is the quintessential hipster track—with Madley Croft singing in typical xx fashion, mixed with the new Jamie flair. But for good measure, your favorite track must be “Girl.” You’re still a hipster. You don’t listen to that mainstream junk.

HOW TO GET WITH SOMEONE LESS HIPSTER THAN YOU: This person listens to the likes of Imagine Dragons, Walk the Moon and Smallpools, so you’re in good shape here. Help

them out here—share a little Generationals, CHVRCHES, Beach House or whatever else you’re into, and maybe take them out to a show or two. You may have just found yourself a little protégé/date.

HOW TO INTIMIDATE SOMEONE REGULAR: You’re in luck, because your average (Smokey) Joe is not only someone who doesn't have superior music knowledge, but they will also be thoroughly impressed by your impeccable taste. So feel free to be honest here—if you love Tame Impala that much, it’s okay. We do too.

How to discover hidden gems: read Pitchfork, the purveyor of the generic hipster. They’ll tell you what not to hear and who not to see (i.e. alt–J), but count on them to share a "best new

Talking to a fellow hipster? At a loss for words? These hipster buzzwords can help you out.

Trill: Not to be confused with Krill, an indie grunge–pop outfit. Trill means true and real, i.e., you are reading this guide because you are a trill hipster.

Chillwave: Listen to Washed Out and then you’ll understand.

Vibes: Though they may not show it, hipsters love feelings: chill vibes, good vibes… you name it.

Indie: The blanket term for independent. You don’t listen to Maroon 5! You don’t use Apple headphones! You don’t follow societal norms! But is “the best song ever.” Note also that of course, only a true hipster knows that indie doesn’t really these are no longer mean anything. What is indie, considered hipster really? But what is music, rebecause it's no longer ally? What is life, really?

2009. The key here is to be ahead of the times. Some TALIA STERMAN track" that we all will come to appropriate choices include: Speedy Ortiz, Only Real, Raknow and love. diator Hospital…. But if you Sign up for Spotify. If you can’t come up with your own use Pandora, you’re probably (definitely) not a real hipster. A underground discovery, just real hipster has a music library. say “Radiohead.” And then say And a preference. Skipping only it’s time to run. Abort mission. six songs per hour is not going Open 6 Days a Week to cut it.

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9

H E A LT H

ARTICLES BY DINA ZARET

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest

I love Philly and feel so lucky to have gone to college in this city of brotherly love.

But being here all summer studying landed me with an acute case of cabin fever.

Although Philly in the summer means an abundance of activities, I missed trees and the scent of crisp air and I felt an overwhelming need to get outside.

Turns out, this pining is just the tip of the iceberg of a much bigger problem. As the shift towards urban living continues with full steam ahead, experts have noticed a concomitant increase in and potential link to the prevalence of mental illnesses. Researchers at Stanford released two studies this summer that present a solution: nature experiences.

Street reached out to Greg

Bratman, the Stanford doctoral student behind the studies. He said he was inspired to begin his research because he felt that, “not enough was being taken into account as open areas were developed into buildings.” With that in mind, he developed this project, “to conduct studies to gather empirical evidence about what we might be losing for our psychological well–being when we lose open space throughout the country.”

Bratman and the rest of the Stanford crew found that just 50–minute nature walks resulted in decreased anxiety, rumination and negative affect compared to the urban walks. Basically, spending time specifically in a natural environment put people in better moods. Next

time you’re deciding whether to run into Center City or through The Woodlands Cemetery, keep this in mind.

If you read that last paragraph and had no clue what rumination was, don’t worry.

The researchers’ second study went more into depth on that particular behavior. Rumination is “a prolonged and often maladaptive attentional focus on the causes and consequences of emotions—most often, negative, self–relational emotions,” and is connected to a higher risk for depression. Bratman found that the participants who went on a 90–minute nature walk selfreported significantly lower levels of rumination.

They also showed lowered activity in the subgenual prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain linked to rumination

and sadness. So, simply being in a natural environment can actually change the physiology of your brain.

The two studies just mentioned only included healthy participants in order to generalize the results.

However, researchers from Salzburg, Austria enrolled high–risk suicide patients in nine–week long monitored hiking programs in addition to standard therapy. After two to three hours of hiking two to three times per week, the participants showed decreases in hopelessness, depression and suicide ideation.

None of these articles claim that Mother Nature has some magical healing property, but they do suggest a legitimate mode of action if you feel down. Bratman even emphasized that nature experiences

“cannot in any way be relied upon as a sole solution to the many intricate mental health issues that we face as college students.” He noted, however, “there is compelling evidence for the benefits of nature experience for mood and cognitive function,” in addition to counseling. If you know you’ll have a stressful weekend, maybe plan ahead and schedule an excursion as a reward.

To treat my bout of cabin fever, my friends and I planned a Labor Day weekend hiking trip. I never felt a hint of Made in America FOMO and returned happy, calm and prepared to better handle the stressful day to which I knew I was coming home.

While Philly may be as urban as it gets, a good hike is never that far away.

GET AWAY FROM PENN, WITH PENN

Organized trips for your ease and convenience Penn Outdoors Club

This student run organization has gear to rent and places to go. You can pay the dues of $25 per year or $15 per semester to be on their “board” and have first dibs on all the trips. Alternatively, join the listserv to get info on the extra trip spots. They have trips coming up to Wissahickon and Shenandoah, so head over to their GBMs every Wednesday at 9pm in Steiny–D 213 for more info on how to get involved.

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Penn Rec Outdoor Adventure Trips Operated by Pottruck, these outdoor adventures excel in diversity and number. Biking, climbing, hiking and snow sports give you lots of options. Be sure to check out the Hawk Mountain and the Appalachian Trail hiking trips in October. You can pay the cost of the trip or get a discount as a member (between $10 to $25 off).

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S E P T E M B E R 17 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1

F E AT U R E

F E AT U R E

*Noticing there are only 8 signs? In ASL, the words 'deaf gain' refer to deaf pride.

Members of Penn's Deaf community tell their stories.

In the United States, fewer than 1 out of every 1,000 people is diagnosed as “functionally deaf” before the age of eighteen. Of those individuals, only about 25,000 students with hearing loss are enrolled in higher education programs–a tiny fraction of the 20.2 million students who attend American colleges and universities. Many of those students choose to go to colleges that cater exclusively to Deaf students, like the National Technical Institute of the Deaf at Rochester Institute of Technology or Gallaudet University in Washington, DC. The some 20,000 students that remain, opt to become “mainstreamed,” choosing instead to attend hearing colleges and universities across the country.

Only two of those students, Connor McLaren ’15 and Sophia Hu ’15, found their way to Penn. Though this number may seem small, Connor and Sophia are the first signing Deaf students to attend Penn in more than 15 years.

While there are a number of students at Penn who qualify as Hard of Hearing, Jami Fisher, the American Sign Language (ASL)Program Coordinator, explains that it’s “pretty uncommon” for signing Deaf students to attend elite colleges and universities like Penn.

“Let’s take it down to the bottom line, any

person who wants to be on par with their peers cognitively and socially and culturally needs to have exposure to language immediately,” she says.

According to Fisher, many Deaf children, especially those born to hearing parents, are not exposed to any language at all in those crucial early years. Deaf children are ready and able to receive ASL from birth, but since those born to hearing parents often don't learn it until later in life, they are forced to attempt to communicate in a spoken language than is not readily accessible to them. The detrimental effect of this language delay often manifests in the graduation rate of Deaf students in mainstream colleges, which hovers around 25%. Fisher argues that a Deaf student’s academic success has “less to do with what language they use and more to do with what language they’ve been exposed to and developed.”

At Penn, this seems to not be the case. Connor, who is a Psychology major with a minor in Deaf Studies, and Sophia, who is a Chemistry major, are both well on track to graduate. In each of their respective classrooms, and sometimes in classes that they share together, the two watch rather than listen, focusing on skilled interpreters who translate psych and chemistry lectures into rapid signs. The Student Disability Service provides interpreters upon request for class, club meetings and even Sophia’s rugby games and practices.

While obviously a result of their own academic ambition, Connor and Sophia’s success is due, in part, to

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the almost space age looking devices that rest in their ears. Both students received these surgically implanted devices called cochlear implants at the age of three, which provides them some sense of sound and speech, and allowed both to attend mainstream schools for the majority of their education.

Though useful, cochlear implants are often a point of controversy in the Deaf community.

Many community members advocate for the exclusive use of sign languages, rather than attempting to communicate in spoken languages that are not necessarily naturally accessible.

However, even though he was too young to make the decision for himself, Connor admits that, “looking back I was really glad [my parents] made the decision for me, having the flexibility to speak and sign at the same time…I like being able to have that versatility” Connor explains that, ”English has more words, so if you want to convey something academic related, English is really the preferred method because there’s more specificity.” But outside the classroom, Connor prefers to use ASL. He argues that despite its limited vocabulary, ASL’s visual nature is better suited for emotionally charged conversations, because feelings can be genuinely expressed through facial expressions and body language. He concludes that, “On an academic level I probably prefer English, but on a social level I prefer ASL.” As Connor speaks, his eyes shift towards three of his friends sitting at the other end of the table. Though they are all naturally hearing, they communicate in a dynamic combination of speech and sign. “You know what [another friend] said to me yesterday? She was like, ‘Is it weird for you to not sign and talk at the same time?’” laughs one of Connor’s friends, Valerie Chiang, “I was like, ‘no, not really.’” But even as she says this, she makes gestures and what

Connor calls “half signs” that match what she’s saying.

Valerie and one of his other friends, Asana Okocha, are seniors who have been taking ASL since their freshman year, before they were even friends with Connor. Their involvement with ASL has gone far beyond simply fulfilling the language requirement, though. Both girls are heavily involved with Penn in Hand, Penn’s Deaf culture club. Though the club has been around for about six years, Jami Fisher explains that it has been a “very well run, well established, and close knit group” for the past four years, which is likely a result of Sophia, who is club president, Connor, and all of their friends.

Connor estimates that about half of his friends have taken formal ASL classes, while Sophia says that most of her friends learned the sign language that they know through their daily interactions with her. Still though, both Connor and Sophia express that they have very few friends who don’t know any ASL at all.

While both Connor and Sophia express their gratitude for having great friends who are willing to learn ASL, both openly acknowledge that being deaf can be socially limiting at a predominantly hearing university. In loud, crowded settings like parties, Connor and Sophia are forced to rely on friends who sign or text in order to communicate. Sophia explains that even in more intimate settings, communicating with two or more people who are speaking makes hearing and lip reading difficult. “One-on-one I’m fine,” says Sophia, “but when a third person joins in I’m completely lost. I think a lot of hearing people don’t realize how the addition of just one person in the conversation can really make a big difference.”

But the problem isn’t just one–sided. “I think a lot of people are intimidated by my Deafness,”

says Sophia, “I can understand why they would be scared at first, but over time you get used to it.”

Interestingly, though, as both Connor and Sophia elaborate on this subject, they clarify that this fear seems to apply to one half of the population much more than the other. “Females I’ve noticed in general are a lot more open to differences. They’re like “oh, this person has a different story, I want to learn about that,’” Connor explains, “whereas guys, they’re scared of anything that’s new, they want the same old, the conformist perspective. So that, that poses a challenge for me.”

And it certainly does pose a challenge, for both of them. While both seem satisfied on a socially platonic level, the fact that men seem to be much more intimidated by Deafness makes romantic relationships more difficult. Connor muses that, “a lot of people, I think, are hesitant to become involved with someone that’s Deaf.”

He thinks the problem lies in simple misunderstanding, that they don’t know if they’ll need to learn sign language, or how well he can hear or speak. Yet despite the fact that he can speak and hear well, Connor admits that, “a lot of the time, guys…they respect me, but they’re scared.”

Though Sophia notes that a few of the guys that she’s dated have been willing to pick up a few signs, she too has found her Deafness to be romantically limiting. Even platonically, she claims that she has many fewer guy friends than girls.

Although Connor and Sophia both seems happy with their overall social experience at Penn, Connor admits that he did consider going to an exclusively Deaf school, like Gallaudet University. “In some ways, socially I would have been better there, 'cause everyone signs and I wouldn’t have had as many communication issues.” Academically though, Connor knows

Penn was a better fit.

On top of studying Psychology and Deaf Studies, he has become fluent in French and Spanish and proficient in German.

After graduation, he plans to become a psychologist who works with underrepresented populations, such at the Deaf and LGBTQ communities. Connor admits that despite the social benefits, the level of rigor and resources offered at Gallaudet are just not comparable to those at Penn. He pauses, and, looking at his friends, adds, “but I have some hearing friends here who know sign and I love them so much so really, it’s fine. And the Deaf Studies program here is really good.”

Jami Fisher, who also administers the Deaf Studies minor, boasts that the program is quite strong, even compared to other elite colleges.

“Among the Ivies,” she explains, “we’re actually the only one with even a robust program, let alone a minor.” Though it was only established three years ago, the Deaf Studies minor reflects the growing trend toward recognizing ASL as a bonafide world language, worthy of study. Despite the fact that ASL is a visual language, the Deaf Studies program aims to teach students about the rich oral and written tradition associated with ASL. The Deaf Studies minor does not only require proficiency in the language itself, it also places a huge emphasis on the study of Deaf Culture and the Deaf Community. Fisher explains that Deaf Culture refers to “a sort of mindset or experience, a way of being,” whereas Deaf Community refers to smaller communities that exist

all over the United States and the world. Fisher explains that like any minority group, members of the Deaf community rely on one another.

Although Deafness is certainly somewhat associated with disability, one of the most important concepts in Deaf Culture is the concept of “Deaf Gain” or “Deaf Pride.” While Connor and Sophia both touched on this subject, Fisher sums it up perfectly when she says “I think hearing people only see the surface of what Deaf people can’t do, as opposed to what assets they have.”

The Deaf Studies Program, Penn in Hand, and individual advocates like Connor and Sophia all invite members of the hearing community to push through those initial assumptions and feelings of intimidation. Connor, who makes an effort to speak and hear in order to communicate with the hearing community, invites the rest of the Penn community to make an effort and “meet us halfway.”

Julie Levitan is a sophomore from Pennsylvania studying English. She is taking ASL to fulfill her language requirement.

S E P T E M B E R 17 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

FILM & TV

YOUR WEEK IN FILM & TV

CAROLINE MARQUES

Features a Brazilian drama, tidbits from the Toronto International Film Festival and your new favorite TV show

WHAT TO BRING UP IN FILM CLASS:

WHAT TO GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED FOR: The Second Mother is the film everyone's been talking about. Anna Muylaert's Brazilian drama premiered at Sundance and opened last Friday at the Ritz Five theater.

It touches on tough family and class dynamics, peppered with humor and relatable mother– daughter experiences. And yes, we did interview the young lead.

Catch Marvel vs. DC: Watchmen tonight at the film lounge in Gregory. Perks: It's free, really close to where you live and an opportunity to mix comic book culture with cocktail culture.

If you're a fan of Dylan O'Brien (and who isn't?), Maze Runner: The Scorch

The Toronto International Film Festival is still going on this week, and this means two things. One, everyone is there (fine, except us). And two, this is the ideal opportunity to read Variety's coverage every day and know about next year's best movies in advance. We're talking projects, future Oscar winners and obscure references that will make you seem ~cultured~ in CINE 101. documentary is out tomorrow Trials is premiering this week, Sam Smith recently conWHAT TO STREAM: on Netflix. Keith Richards: so you and your friends have firmed he will perform the Under the Influence is disomething to do this weekend opening credit song for the FX's You're The Worst has rected by Morgan Neville (who when you're not recovernewest James Bond flick, Specan entire new season coming was behind the hit 20 Feet ing from brunch. And yep, tre. The film will be released in up. Episode one just premiered From Stardom) and coincides Cinemark is a five–second walk and trust us: This is the mod- with Richards' new album and the U.S. and features favorites from Wishbone, so we expect Daniel Craig and Monica Belern, rom–com TV show you've fall tour. to see you there. lucci. been waiting for.

Catch up with the premieres Rolling Stone interviewed The new Keith Richards of your guilty pleasures/favorite Leslye Headland, the writer– shows ever: The Mindy Project director of upcoming Sleeping comes back Tuesday, Sept. with Other People, the roman15 on Hulu and Doctor Who tic comedy that premiered at reaches its ninth season on Sundance and stars Alison Brie Saturday on the BBC. and Jason Sudeikis.

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FILM & TV

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10 FOR 10: FILMS BASED ON WHERE FILM & TV

YOU GRAB A DRINK

It's Thursday night. You go get a drink. Where? Here are ten recommendations for what to watch on Friday, based on where you're getting plastered tonight.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday, you understand the appeal of sitting on a ledge and drinking beer with your friends any day of the week. Starring the Watch Animal House. The best of the Brat Pack, Emilio soundtrack is bomb, John Estevez, Judd Nelson, Demi Belushi is at his best and this Moore and Rob Lowe (among is a home run for anyone into others), the film immerses film, comedy and double secret you into the intertwined lives probation. If this won’t give of friends who just graduated you aspirations for your post– from Georgetown. grad life, then we really don’t know what will.

1) THE BLARNEY STONE

2) SMOKES'

3) NEW DECK TAVERN

Watch St. Elmo’s Fire. If you’re Watch '71. The lead is one of at Smokes’ every Monday, our favorite, naughtiest charTuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,

acters in television (Cook in the show Skins, played by Jack O’Connell). You’re in an Irish mood, so why not catch up on the 2014 historical action film that focuses on a very stressed out Gary Hook, a member of the British Army who is sent to a torn Belfast in 1971.

4) PARC Watch The Rules of the Game.

Yes, it’s in black and white.

Yes, it’s a French film from 1939. Yes, it’s based on plays you were forced to read in high school and probably severely disliked. But it will also introduce you to French high society and explain the intricate games of life and love to you.

known to have made audiences walk out of the Cannes Film Festival, shaking their heads in disgust. His newest film, Love, a controversial 3D flick about love, and, well, sex, premiered this summer. But before that, there was the movie with funky colors and a weird soundtrack that made you swear you would never really do DMT.

7) ANY BAR...IN NEW YORK

5) RUMOR

Watch Metropolitan. Whit Stillman basically put together this film in 1990 as a slice of Watch The Riot Club. Reason life of Upper East Side New one: It stars gorgeous men Yorkers who do little else but ranging from Douglas Booth sip cocktails, attend debutante to Sam Claflin to Max Irons balls, discuss their Ivy League (probably our favorite of all).

Reason two: It aims to give an education and argue about art insider look into Oxford’s most and philosophy. A charming, elite, men–only “secret” society often funny depiction of young adults that still applies today. that has been around forever (actually called The Bullingdon Club).

8) SUGARHOUSE

6) MEDUSA Watch Gaspar Noé's Enter the Void. The bad–boy director is 1 6 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E S E P T E M B E R 17 , 2 01 5

Watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. First of all, why are you at the casino on a Tuesday?

Second of all, we know Hunter

S. Thompson’s book was better.

But the story behind the film, its main protagonist (played by Johnny Depp) and Thompson himself is quite interesting.

What other film could prep you for your fall break trip?

Though we hope it won’t inspire you too much (right, Mom and Dad?).

9) WRITING SEM Watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Who BYOs their writing seminar? If you do, and make a drinking game out of it, we seriously admire you. Do you spike your coffee or lemonade? Either way, you’re clearly taking a day off. (We seriously hope you don’t do this every day—get an education!!).

10) YOUR APARTMENT Watch The Exterminating Angel. If you don’t get the reference in Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris to this Luis Buñuel classic, then shame on you. If you “grab a drink” in your own apartment, then this movie about friends at a dinner party who are psychologically trapped in the room is perfect for you. Did that sound complicated or bizarre? It should; it’s surrealist.

CAROLINE MARQUES

FOOD & DRINK

BOOZY BRUNCH ROUNDUP

The best places to get drunk on a Sunday before midterms take over your life

With the end of coming up on Sept. 21 and midterm season fast approaching, our opportunities to get drunk on a Sunday off of bottomless mimosas and bloody marys are vanishing faster than your LDW tan. Take advantage of the little freedom you have left before school takes over your life and hit up these popular boozy brunch locations while you still can.

EMILY JOHNS

White Dog Cafe: Far enough to feel like you're making brunch into an excursion, but close enough that you don’t actually have to call an Uber, White Dog is probably the nicest brunch you can get on campus. With a charming outdoor patio and $4 Bloody Marys, mimosas, greyhounds or sangrias, you can sip on cocktails and nibble on (read: scarf down) an omelette, all while pretending that VP is not just one block away.

Where: 3420 Sansom Street When: Brunch is served Saturday and Sunday from 10am– 2:30pm.

When to go: When you have an incessant need to be betchy but don’t have time to go to Parc.

Morgan’s Pier: Take advantage of the few remaining warm weekends and grab brunch at Philly’s best waterfront property. Sit outside and enjoy a craft beer or cocktail with your meal, and you’ll soon forget that the view across the water is South Jersey or that the Roxxy is just a couple of blocks away.

Where: 221 North Columbus Boulevard When: Brunch is served Sundays from 11am–5pm.

When to go: ASAP, the experience won’t be nearly the same if you’re freezing your ass off while trying to sit outside.

Steak, Chicken, Shrimp & Grilled Vegetables

William Street Common: Relatively new to the Penn brunch scene, William Street Common opened last Spring at 39th and Chestnut streets. The restaurant offers a prix fixe menu for $22.33 that includes bottomless coffee, unlimited doughnuts, an entree and three cocktails. Talk about bang for your buck. But if your goal is to get drunk from your three cocktails, maybe skip the countless doughnuts.

Where: 3900 Chestnut Street When: Brunch is served Saturday and Sunday from 10am–3pm.

When to go: When you want to pregame a darty with something more classy than a bottle of bankers and some warm OJ.

Tequila-Fired Fajita Night DJ | 10PM-2AM

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Ants Pants Cafe: Okay this is not technically boozy (unless you want it to be, it’s BYO) nor is it outdoors, but Ants Pants Cafe is a brunch spot you should be sure to hit up while you can. Featuring drinks like the Aussie Iced Coffee, the menu here is both indulgent and affordable. A good alternative to Honey’s when the line is out the door and a nice place to take a leisurely stroll to when you’re in denial about that paper you have to write.

Where: 2212 South Street When: Breakfast/Lunch is served on Saturday and Sunday from 8am–4pm.

Who to bring: Your senior friend who is about to graduate and has never been.

5PM-10PM

EVERY

THURSDAY S E P T E M B E R 17 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 17

FOOD & DRINK

DISTRITO'S NEW MAKEOVER: WHAT'S IN AND WHAT'S OUT IN

Watermelon Marg ($9): Rivals Copa’s intensity, but you feel like a classy mofo drinking it. The watermelon infusion smooths over the cringe–worthy taste of tequila we all know too well.

Super Nachos ($12): Deserving of the title "super," these will give you lots of solid that’s–what–she–said material, i.e. “I can’t even fit my mouth around this.” (Ed. note: I actually said this.) Add guac to go from super to superb.

Scallop ($N/A): Paired with tomatoes and cucumber–pineapple reduction sauce, this morsel was everything we’ve dreamed of and more. Since this was a special, plan on camping outside of Distrito until they offer it again.

Red Sangria ($8): This is not your typical Franzia concoction. Treat yourself to a lush red wine, brandy, orange liqueur, apple and pear delight. Also, guaranteed to get the job done.

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Let us help you decide which items on the new menu are worth it and which ones don't make the cut.

OUT

Cucumber Marg ($9): Stop. We’re both huge fans of the cucumber water trend, but there’s a time and place for it and it’s not at 8pm on a Friday.

Chilango Chop ($8): We don’t care if it’s a first date: If you go to Distrito and order a salad, we will blacklist you.

Octopus ($15): Another special topped with oil and chili, this is still a good option if you’re in an “octopus mood” (whatever that is).

However, it pales in comparison to the buttery scallop.

White Sangria ($8): Kinda just tasted like wine.

Might as well BYO a ten dollar bottle of [yellow tail] and add some orange zest yourself.

Al Pastor Taco ($3.5): Stray away from your typical chicken or beef taco and go knee deep in this guajillo glazed pork. This was so good, it’s hard to taco 'bout it.

Tofu Chorizo Taco ($3.5): Enjoyable, but not any better than the frozen taquitos my mom used to make me when I was six. If you’re a veg, just make sure to get all the extras or have three margs before your meal.

Quesadilla ($9.5): This is the Kanye West of the antojitos. The queso chihuahua, black beans, corn, rajas, glazed onions and ropa vieja is thicker than Kanye’s ego, but just as dramatic.

Burrito Suiza ($12): This monstrosity is roughly the size of a newborn child.

Although we love anything smothered in red chili sauce, it wasn’t worth the inevitable food–induced coma.

Churros ($7): Although we’ve never had a bad churro experience, these were downright godly. Immersed in both the coconut crema and spicy valrhona chocolate sides for a spiritual awakening.

Whatever else you were about to order.

DINA ZARET & ELENA MODESTI

FOOD & DRINK

WHEN2EAT DISTRITO

When you get rejected from Smokes’: Frozen Lime Margarita ($14), possibly two. That’ll show 'em.

When your only final is Dec. 18 at 6pm: Carnitas Quesadilla ($9.5) with avocado, pickled jalapeños, extra crema, queso fresco and a touch of cilantro.

For a first date: Share guacamole ($8) to take advantage of avocado’s aphrodisiac properties and add a Red Sangria to really get in the mood. Crab optional.

For a fourth date: Super Nachos ($12).

At this point, you’ve probably done the deed, so there’s no need to hold back or keep the illusion of a hot bod alive.

Embrace the dad bod.

When you’re hungover for a dinner with the rents: Pozole Rojo ($9). Let the broth soothe your memories (if you have them) of the night before.

Your number one source into the scandalous items on Distrito’s menu

When you fail your first exam: Churros ($7) will give you meaning again. Drown both the churros and your sorrows in the delectable sauces to make your troubles disappear.

When you ace your first exam (Bs count): Just order the whole damn menu.

DINA ZARET & ELENA MODESTI

THINGS TO DO WITH GUAC BESIDES PUT IT ON A CHIP Distrito’s chips are underwhelming, but good guac should never go to waste.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Add it to everything on the menu, including your margarita (be bold; dare to dream).

Bring some to the bathroom and emerge with a DIY face mask.

Pull a Napoleon Dynamite and put some in your pocket to save for later.

We hear avo makes great lube ;).

Whipped cream is so passé.

Freshmen (or sad upperclassmen): sharing guac is a foolproof way to make a friend… so hand out scoops on Locust to maximize your reach.

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S P

ARTS

PENNAISSANCE RENAISSANCE

A N

S

If Penn or Snapchat existed during the Renaissance, we imagine it would look something like this….

ADD US ON SNAPCHAT @ 34STMAG WE BET YOU LOOK GOOD WITH NO FILTER WE BET YOU DON'T LOOK VOMMING RAIN BOWS ADD US ANYWAY WE SCREENSHOT 2 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E S E P T E M B E R 17 , 2 01 5

ARTS

STUDENT PROFILE:

CHLOE KAUFMAN With the ICA’s fall opening this week, Street spoke to one of the students actively involved with the museum and the art world at Penn.

STEPHANIE BARRON

Name: Chloe Kaufman Year: College Class of 2016 Major: Art History Minor: Consumer Psychology Hometown: New York The ICA's fall opening was this Wednesday, featuring exhibitions from three different artists: Josephine Pryde, Christopher Knowles and Becky Suss. A lot of work goes into making these exhibitions possible, both by the ICA and by its student board members. Street spoke with one of those students, Chloe Kaufman, who has been actively involved with the SPEC Art Collective since her sophomore year and the ICA since her freshman year. Now a senior, Chloe discusses how art, Penn and the ICA have contributed to her life and to her ideas about her future.

Street: When did you become interested in art?

Chloe Kaufman: I became interested in art very early on because my parents were very interested in it. My mom collects, and so when I was little she would take me everywhere. I would be dragged to galleries and museums and just from being exposed to all those things, I grew to like it.

Street: Do you have a favorite period of art?

CK: Contemporary art is definitely my favorite. I think it’s the most interesting because a lot of it deals with what’s going on right now, and it feels the most relevant.

Street: When did you become involved with the

What: Exhibitions from Josephine Pryde, Christopher Knowles, Becky Suss Where: The Institute of Contempotary Art, 118 South 36th Street When: Until Dec. 27

SPEC Art Collective?

CK: I became involved my sophomore year. They did a lecture with the Guerilla Girls, and I went to that speaker event, thought it was really cool and signed up for the listserv. They were looking for committee chair applicants, so I applied.

Street: And how about with the ICA? CK: I became involved with the ICA my freshman year. I took one of the ICA curatorial seminars, which was a full year, and it was incredible. I had known what the ICA was before coming into school, and that’s mainly why I signed up for the course. During the second semester, aside from curating the exhibition, we also each had mini internships with someone at the ICA. It was a great experience to work with the staff directly. And then from that they recommended that I apply for the student board.

Street: So what is your role within the ICA? CK: We act as liaisons between the university and the museum. The idea is to, on one hand, help the museum target and reach Penn students, to give them a perspective on what we like, what works, what we think they can to do improve. But then we also explain to Penn students what’s so great about the ICA

and get them to come to the events and excited about the museum.

One of the main things we do is host Free For All, which is a bi–annual event that happens in the spring and the fall (Ed. note: The next Free For All is Sept. 30). We host the event to engage Penn students and the outside community, and it usually involves some sort of speaker or performer and there’ll always be free food and fun stuff like that.

Street: Tell me about the upcoming opening, what about it are you excited for?

CK: The opening is going to be really great. The event opens to the public at 6pm, but at 5pm there will be conversations between the artists and curators in the auditorium as well as a short reception for members. (Ed. note: The ICA now has free student memberships.) There will be food, music, mingling and great people watching—not to mention a real, running train that you can ride.

Street: Where do you see your interest in and involvement with art taking you in the future?

CK: Art has taken me on a weird path. I’ve always thought I wanted to work in an auction house or in a gallery or some other way in the art world. But, through my internships, I’ve actually

Wanna hear more? Read the full interview at 34st.com.

ended up interested in art law. So that’s the direction I’m working towards at the moment.

The opening was Wednesday, but you can check out the exhibitions until Dec. 27.

* Free admission before 1am with Penn ID *

Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays 11pm - 3:30am | 21+ to enter

Book Your Exclusive Event at Club Pulse Drink specials available for private parties info@pulsephilly.com

1526 Sansom St.

215-751-2711

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LOWBROW

DATE OR INTERVIEW? YOU DECIDE!

Lowbrow takes totally real, definitely not made up dialogue and lets you decide whether it's from a date or an interview.

There are some amazing places on campus! We went there and listened to some totally real conversations and transcribed their 100% factual dialogue. But, were those two people on a date or an interview? We can't decide. That's up to you.

Joe's Cafe in Steiny D

The Left Bench By the Bell at Domus

What's on your mind right now?

So, do you come here often?

Awesome, creature of habit. Duly noted!

Well, I was thinking that if this bell could make noise, it would possibly be a G–flat.

Every Wednesday except for that week in May when I was attacked by a Panda.

But it can't.

(Ed. note: Definitely a music major.

Not going well either way.)

(Ed. note: Panda Queen strikes again— she's a keeper.)

Man

Sitar

Woman

Woman 1

Woman 2

The Third Floor of Pottruck

This may not sit well.

What is it?

Are you liking this?

I can't do this anymore.

What do you mean?

Is this offer not doing it for you?

I'm interested in staying in the corporate world, if that's what your asking.

Anal's off the table, Steve!

Oh yeah! That's what I like to hear.

(Ed. note: The corporate world is full of big business if you catch our drift.)

(Ed. note: Seriously, Steve!)

Steve

Julie

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Dash

Ray

LOWBROW

COFFEE CHAT THE OCRITIS AWAY

After years of research from the leading scientists, there are new solutions to many of the common problems facing Penn students. Discover them below!

Coffee Chat Syndrome So much coffee, so little time! Sometimes you just can't stop small talking. Camel– colored leather muzzles work great!

OCRitis This new perennial affliction has been popping up all over Huntsman. The chunks of hair, missing tonsils and stiff middle–toe joints are easily identifiable as well as curable. Want to stop the madness? You have to eat a goldfish taken from a child at a state fair. It's the only way.

(Business) Casual Hemorrhaging

Info Sessionasethsia

That vein popping out of your roommate's forehead? It's not from watching too much Sex and the City. It's from running around campus, trying to think of outfits screaming, "Oh my God! Do you know what these are? Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes! I thought these were an urban shoe myth!" The cure? Tell him to stop being such a Carrie. Nobody likes a Carrie.

Why is that classmate taking notes on a Heinz bottle?

Because he got it at the info session and now can't put it down.

This new strange habit of clinging to free swag is one of the harder impairments to cure. Interventions have proven effective in conjunction with making them watch their worldly possessions burn to ash and then forcing them to snort it.

FRESHMEN INTERPRET OCR

Baby Quakers are confused: Why are all the Whartonites in suits?

NSO ended two weeks ago, but we freshmen are still eating hallucinogenic dairy products and seeing visions of rainbows and fairies. Meanwhile in upperclassmen–land, some punks from Wharton have banded together and are going through something called "On–Campus Recruiting." For a newly–minted baby quaker, OCR is disorienting, confusing and stressful. What is happening to the world?

While Whartonites are running to class dressed in their sharpest neutral outfits, we can't help but wonder: What's happening at Harvest tonight? They're also networking at Hubbub with all these so called "coffee chats." Is "chat" is a fancy way of saying shat? Coffee shats make sense. I shat with my friends all of the time.

The real mystery is this whole resume drop. Egg drops were definitely a thing in middle school, but no resume is going to break after being dropped so why are we testing them?

It's been rumored that a few members of the freshmen class have made appearances at the career fair, but all they left with was a small box of Lucky Charms and a tote from Exxon. When will the confusion end? It seems soon. Last week a woman in a suit was overheard saying, "Networking is so vital." She's so right. Cartoon networking is totally the new Netflix and Chill.

LOWBROW IS AS FAKE AS YOUR SMILE AT YOUR INTERVIEW

Post finals CALLS FOR A

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S E P T E M B E R 17 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 3

Don’t Let The Opportunity

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RUS H IN

TO DISCUSS YOUR PLAY FOR 2016 -2017 GO !

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