December 1, 2011

December 1, 2011

34st.com

SHOUTOUTS! SHOUTOUTS! SHOUTOUTS! SHOUTOUTS! SHOUTOUTS!

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

12.01.11 Inside: PAGE 13

PAGE 6

3 highbrow

True Life: I'm addicted to pillow fights.

The round–up, word on the street, overheards, true life.

4 EGo

Shaam–wow.

EGo of the week ZacK Rosen, philomathean society, holiday gifts.

6 FOOD & DRINK

Finals Feasting.

Penn Nutritionist interview, drink of the week, stress reduction foods, pasta and trail mix recipes.

8 Film

From Magneto to sex addict. penn film viewing habits, shame review, guilty pleasure.

10 FEATURE

Not Penn State.

A Penn scandal with eerie parallels to Penn State.

washed up with all mah friendz.

FROMTHEEDITOR

I

have a secret to share with you. Ready?

I hate writing these letters. I'm not particularly funny (at least on purpose).

I'm not witty or clever or profound. I'm just me. And as you've learned this year, I love TV for tweens, emo music from middle school and poop jokes, and I mention my mom in almost all of these.

But that's not what this space is for. It's to show editorial prowess. That I am great. That I deserve these 350 words every week. Well, I don't. I am nothing, without the people listed below: my editors who became my friends who became my 3 a.m. dysfunctional family. I guess that means I'm the creepy grandma who gives socks for Christmas and refuses to let go of her 21–year–old love affair with a magazine.

I can rock that.

And Street is nothing without you, readers. I thank you. Thank you for submitting Shoutouts. Thank you for voting for Best of Penn.

Thank you for being our Egos of the Week.

Thank you for hating Cultural Elite. Thank you for commenting on our website. Thank you for reading Under the Button. Thank you for tweeting at us. Thank you for tipping us on gossip. Thank you for DIYing with us.

Thank you for dining with us. Thank you for

having sex to the music we recommend. Thank you for thinking we're stupid. Thank you for thinking we're wonderful.

We love you. We need you. We can't survive without you.

This last letter marks the end of my run (OK, a jog) as Editor–in–Chief. As much as I dread these letters, I wish I had one more.

I wish I had a thousand more, because that would mean a thousand more issues of Street, and a thousand more weeks at Penn. But I do not. And it's time for someone else to take the reigns. I can't tell you yet who you will get to know next semester, but I can tell you she (yes, it will be another babe) will be magnificent.

Bless her in the way you've blessed me. By sticking around.

To Street, I leave you the memories of 7 a.m. drop offs, VHS porn, secret garden photoshoots, glitter lips, topless pictures, lots and lots of beer and tequila, room 719 at the Sheraton, thick black–rimmed glasses, Kerry, Julia and SB. We will forever be on the roof.

Street your heart out,

12 MUSIC

Glam and metal don't mix. penn music collective, best of 2011 music.

TRUE LIFE: I'M FROM THE PAST.

14 ARTS

DJs. N*SHIT. First friday, campus gems, World With(out) art, artist profile preview.

16 LOWBROW

Come meet me. And all my ghosty friends.

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

SHOUTOUTS!!! that is all.

2

STREET Writers Meeting 6:30 p.m. TONIGHT 4015 Walnut St.

20 back page

You leave us Breathless.

Shoutouts by the numbers.

34th Street Magazine Jessica Goodman, Editor–in–Chief Nick Stergiopoulos, Managing Editor Frida Garza, Design Editor Kendall Haupt, Online Managing Editor Joshua Goldman, Feature Tucker Johns, Feature Paige Rubin, Highbrow Stephanie Rice, A Little Less Highbrow Faryn Pearl, Ego Leah Steinberg, Ego Mady Glickman, Food & Drink Nina Wolpow, Food & Drink

Sam Brodey, Music Jake Spinowitz, Music Hilary Miller, Film Shelby Rachleff, Film Ellie Levitt, Arts Megan Ruben, Arts Anthony Khaykin, Lowbrow Sandra Rubinchik, Lowbrow Will Baskin–Gerwitz, Back Page Alex Hosenball, Copy Alexandra Jaffe, Copy Adrian Franco, Photo

UnderTheButton.com

Morgan Finkelstein, Managing Editor Michael Arnstein, Associate Editor Ian Bussard, Associate Editor Monika Knapp, Associate Editor Lora Rosenblum, Associate Editor Sandra Rubinchik, Associate Editor AJ Thomas, Associate Editor Cover design: frida garza and adrian franco

Contributors: Lydia Berlacher, Chloe Bower, Patrick Del Valle, Jacqueline Heinrich, Jack Nessman, Isabel Oliveres, Lauren Plotnick, Zeke Sexauer, Sarah Tse, Lin Zheng

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Jessica Goodman, Editor-–in–Chief, at goodman@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581.

Visit our web site: www.34st.com "Why were they arrested?"

"Because they refused to leave the Street."

"Me too. I refuse to leave Street." ©2011 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published

by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

34

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wordonthestreet

HIGHBROW

TRUE LIFE: I Think I'm 'Hispanic' Until I was about 13 years old, I didn’t know anything else other than Jewish. I attended a Jewish day school in Miami and took 10 years of Hebrew.

Basically, I was on the fast track to playing Jewish geography and becoming an AEPi groupie at one of the Sushi 12 Conference schools.

However, that all changed when I transferred to an independent private high school. My friends no longer consisted of just Rosenthals, Schwartzs and Rosenbergs. I opened my eyes to a whole new wave of culture that I never knew existed and loved every minute of it. The token Jew among my Hispanic friends, I learned how to kiss on the cheek hello and how to LOVE a good pan con pollo.

Most importantly, I went from knowing no Spanish to almost complete fluency. No one ever showed up to a party before 11 and dinner was always at 9:30 or later. I had never even heard of Patagonia or Barbour before coming to Penn, and I sure as hell was not pre-

THE SECOND HALF

By Will Baskin–Gerwitz

pared for the amount of culture shock I was in for.

As first semester went by, I found where the Miami in me fit in. Any international scene was where my British roommate and I felt most comfortable. I was happy being my pseudo–Hispanic self and gelled with the international crowd far better than anyone else on campus.

But college isn’t about being comfortable all the time.

While I’ve been lucky enough to have the opportunity to have friends from all over the world, I had forgotten what it was like to not be the “Latin” diva I thought I’d become. This realization came over me during my beginning weeks at Penn, and, in turn, I decided to branch out and see what it was like having friends from the good ol’ U S of A. Although dinner was at 7:30 or 8 instead of my usual 9:30 or 10 and consisted of a little less tapas and vino and a little more burgers and beer, we were drunk and happy regardless.

Besos chiquitos.

THEROUNDUP

Got gossip? Save it for next semester. We're out.

at

Alpha Phi–ver girl flyering: Can we all just please pretend we’re having fun?

Sweetgreen employee: We ain’t got no more lettuce.

Girl in line: I’m literally going to die.

Beijing fortune cookie: You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth.

Owls douche: WOW THAT IS SO IRONIC. Guy flyering: Eric!

Eric! Hey Eric! Eric!!!

Eric, apparently: What??

Guy: You’re funny.

One girl to another: Can I give you a tour of every place that I’ve cried on campus?

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

Theta’s pre–Thanksgiving scavenger hunt antics could fill up this whole section on their own, but Shoutouts took all the good eating disorder and cocaine jokes. We hear a drunk Theta junior carrying a beer was caught wandering around Huntsman. After being chased out of the building by multiple security guards, this chick may need to find a new study spot. May we suggest the fifth floor of VP? Dare to be different.

Two competitive seniors stopped at nothing to ensure their team, The Biblical Bombshells, went home with a victory. They sweet–talked a Beta bro into shaving a Theta in the nether region of a Theos senior. Really brings a new meaning to manscaping, doesn’t it?

This semester many sororities chose to mix with grad students rather than suffer through parties with undergrad guys. But why should girls have all the fun? Highbrow’s sceney sources tell us that Theos is planning an MBA mixer of their own. To that we say: welcome to Cougartown.

Sweetgreen needs to get their shit together. First they stopped giving out loyalty cards (yeah, we noticed), and this Monday they ran out of every kind of lettuce, leaving their loyal fan base of AEPi guys and sorostitutes crawling back to Gia, just like old times. Apparently the salad shop didn’t think we’d be back on campus until later that week. But if most of their customers just pick at their salad and throw it away uneaten, isn’t the lettuce just a formality? They might be on to something.

Since incidents with alcohol in their dry house left them on “administrative watch,” we hear Skulls has decided to go off campus.

Yes, we’re serious. No, really. The rule–breaking boys have banded together to form TUSK — The Underground Skulls… sexy. Sources tell us they recently hosted their oddly–themed comeback event, a Grey Goose party, at which every third bottle was Goose and everyone had to wear gold? TUSK going hard? But stop trying to make TUSK happen.

It’s not going to happen.

over heard PENN

M

y favorite time of the week is one most Penn students reserve for nursing their hangovers.

If it’s 10:30 on a weekend morning, you can often find me dressed, downtown and drinking.

Oh, and watching football — you know, that sport where you use your foot to kick a ball? The one most of you call soccer? You’ll probably think it’s an attempt to relive my junior year abroad in London, or just to spend even more of my days in a caffeine and alcohol fueled haze, but this is what happens when you care enough about football in Philly. The four–hour time difference (at least) between here and the games in Europe necessitates dragging myself out of bed while the sun is over the Delaware, popping some Advil to kill my hangover and showing up at that bastion of sporting neutrality, the Irish pub, with one or two other equally committed guys.

I don’t have a team in England, not one that will be shown on an American TV anyway. But the reasons for all these mornings go well beyond just blind support of a team. I’ve followed football since high school, so in London it was never that football seemed exotic to me. Indeed, it was the opposite: it felt normal, felt like home.

Nowadays my friends are left pondering why I can’t just come back to the cozier realms of baseball and American college football instead of shouting at them to be heard from a culture away. Most seem surprised it’s not a relic that I’d let fade out, like the bad accent they thought I’d come back with (I didn’t).

I know I’m not alone in this — students who immersed themselves in Parisian cafe culture return to find their friends choosing between Saxby’s and Starbucks, while all they can ask themselves is, does it even matter? There’s a sense of monotony, of unoriginality pervasive in University City, that it so often seems only we who return understand. Everyone else seems to look at us and wonder what we left behind when we made the trip home.

For me, though, that disconnect seems to end after walking through that door on weekend mornings, where Fox Soccer Channel blares on the other side, and I can talk about the Carling Cup without having to couch it in a putrid melting pot of mixed American sports metaphors. Regardless of who they root for, I share a kinship with everyone who walks through that door, my brother–in–arms for the day.

It’s like that club we all wanted to make with our friends in elementary school. It just has better beer.

So here’s my latest offer of explanation: come join me to watch a game at Fado on 15th Street.

I’ll be the guy with the empty coffee and the full pint, chowing down a hangover sandwich and loudly, obscenely praying that United concede another goal.

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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

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EGO

egoof the week: zack rosen

When Zack Rosen showed up to the Street office with his best friend from childhood, Heshaam "Shaam" Polen, we were confused. Turns out, wherever the star basketballer and secret yogi goes, Shaam goes too. They're codependent and proud of it.

Street: If you didn’t play basketball, what would you do?

Zack Rosen: Baseball. I was a baseball player first — people don’t really know that. I played basketball my entire life; I just wasn’t that serious about it. Well, as serious.

Street: How do you prep for a basketball game?

ZR: I like to get down to the arena really early and shoot. I just like being in there when no one’s around. It’s peaceful.

Street: Do you have any pregame superstitions?

ZR: I wear the same pair of socks and I always wear them inside out. Normally the seams are on the inside, but if you flip them out, they feel real comfortable.

Street: How would you describe your handshake?

ZR: It varies. Sometimes I go for the pound. Sometimes I’ll go for the chest bump. I love shaking it up.

Street: Who is Shaam?

ZR: Shaam is my best friend since fifth grade. He comes down, hangs out with me on the weekends. He’s pretty much the most sociable guy you’ll ever meet in your life.

Shaam: I like people.

ZR: I walk around during the week, and I’ll have people come up to me and be like, “Zack, when’s Shaam coming back?”

“Where’s Shaam?”

Shaam: Thank you, man.

Street: What’s your latest discovery?

ZR: I can cut my own hair. Saves me 40 bucks a month.

Street: If you were to redo your time at Penn, what club would you join?

ZR: I wouldn’t redo my time at Penn.

But if I had to join a club, I would join Strictly Funk and ask Joe Forzano to teach me how to dance.

Street: What’s your secret talent?

ZR: I’m a yoga master. My mom’s a yoga instructor, so I grew up on yoga.

Street: What’s your favorite pose?

ZR: Head stand. I like the happy baby, too. With the happy baby, you’re on your back and it looks like you’re giving birth.

Street: What’s your craziest fan story?

Shaam: Oh, I got one. One night we were out, and everybody knows I’m his best friend. So there was this group of girls, and they’re like, “Hey, uh, aren’t you Zack Rosen’s best friend?” I go, “Yeah, why?” She goes, “Do you think

he’ll like me?” I was like, “He’s right over there, go ask him.” She’s like, “I’m afraid to talk to him, do you think you could, uh, hook me up?” I’m like, what?

Street: Does that happen a lot?

Shaam: Once in a while.

Street: You’re his wingman?

ZR: Half a wingman.

Shaam: Half a wingman. I’ll take that title with pride.

PHILOS RAISE HELL WITH THEIR BRAINS Penn's oldest student organization likes thinking and German techno.

By LEAH STEINBERG

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

O

4

n the top of College Hall, there’s a playhouse for one of Penn’s smartest cliques to sit and cogitate. Their offices are so old, authentic and wooden that in the winter, the members of the Philomathean Society sometimes wear academic robes just to stay warm.

Philo was founded in 1813, when Penn was just a “glorified boys high school,” said its Moderator, Emily Kern C ‘12. The mission, then and now, is to raise the intellectual caliber of the school and enlarge the minds of its members. Outside of their meetings, which always feature a debate (sometimes with chicken noises only), they host scholarly events and discussions open to all of Penn. Last month’s panel

on the Biology of Race was “packed to the gills,” said Paul Mitchell, C ‘13.

The Philomathean Society’s members' earnest pursuit of knowledge can sometimes differentiate them from their peers. Philos are some serious young people, the sort that are “historians” not “majoring in history.” Self–identifying as an intellectual can’t not be pretentious.

But that’s what it takes to climb through Philo’s three–step selection process. First, there’s the interview. A sophomore who got fed up and dropped it said that she was asked to insult each of the Philos interviewing her. She went for the clothes.

Then there’s a three–to–five minute discussion on an obscure academic topic of spe-

cific interest to the candidate.

Like typefaces or Sputnik and US science education.

The final challenge is a creative submission of any medium. It seems Philos are fond of saying that the only restriction is that it fit through the door. “And by corollary, up the stairs,” Emily added.

Street couldn’t wrestle the precious admissions rate from Emily, since she said it changes every semester. Getting in isn’t easy, but once you’re in, you’re invited to one of the Philomathean parties scheduled for special occasions, like after initiations.

“Which are very tame,” Emily said. “Just being clear.”

This is a feat of restraint, considering these parties involve a lot of German techno music.

Courtesy of DP archives

Other colleges have similar groups, many of which are relics from the 19th century, when literary societies were hip.

Philo isn’t officially connected to any other societies, but they do interact with them sometimes. The Philodemic Society at Georgetown in particular.

“They are horrible people,”

Emily said. “They told us, ‘Of course we have girls in our Society, they do all our cooking.’”

Penn’s Philo is friendlier.

“From the get go, Philo was a place where there wasn’t any superiority or snobbiness about learning or being intellectual,” Emily says. “It was just like, we do cool shit.”

The Texter

The Dental Student

What to get: Texting gloves from agloves. com ($17.99) Why: They seem to subsist on those jingly incoming text message noises. Cold shouldn’t get in the way.

What to get: Panasonic ER421KC Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer ($15) Why: Prevent a problem before it starts, and everyone wins.

Nothing trims hair like the ER421KC.

The Pothead

What to get: A Wawa giftcard Why: Munchies, 24/7. And at such a reasonable price! No matter what state of mind they’re in, this is a good deal.

The Listserv Spammer

What to get: Non–texting gloves Why: Slow down their inarticulate little fingers with bulky mittens.

The TA You Have A Crush On

What to get: Hit on them, not subtly.

Why: Life is more exciting this way. You are only young once.

What to buy that special stereotypical someone.

BY FARYN PEARL AND LEAH STEINBERG

The Person You Just Shouted Out What to get: A dozen warm Insomnia Cookies ($12) Why: You’ve just subjected them to a semester’s supply of shame. They probably developed PTSD, poor thing. The least you can do is give them a cookie.

The Guy Who’s Name You Always Forget

The RA

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

GIFTS FOR EVERYONE

What to get: Monogrammed Hat from Land's End ($21.50) Why: If that still doesn’t work, you have a neurological problem.

What to get: Earmuffs Why: So they can stay warm and toasty and oblivious.

The Tutor

What to get: Nothing.

Why: No gifts — they need to focus. Your grades depend on it, goddamnit!

Illustrations by Faryn Pearl

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make it a success!

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

feast special feeds 25 for only $199

place orders in advance of your event

includes: falafel, hummus, pita, Moroccan cigars mixed meat, rice, Israeli & cabbage salads

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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

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FOOD&DRINK

FINALS HIBERNATION FARE

It’s the first day of December, which means the time has come to start planning your hibernation — it’s almost finals season, in case you forgot. Use your last free moments to make meals en masse to refrigerate or freeze and to prepare snacks for long nights at VP.

BEAR DOWN WITH PASTA SAUCE Packed with stress–reducing spinach, protein and whole wheat, this sauce is enough to get you through finals hell.

How to prepare:

What to gather — 6 servings • • • • • •

medium–sized sweet onion 4–6 white or button mushrooms (depending on size) 1 clove of garlic, minced 1 lb. of ground turkey ¾ bottle of tomato sauce 2 generous handfuls of fresh spinach (add more if you are in need of extra fortification)

Dice the onion and mushrooms to equal sizes (about 1–inch pieces). Pour a few tablespoons of olive oil into a large pan. Add onions and saute until they begin to get slightly translucent. Add garlic, then meat. Break up meat with a spatula or cooking spoon. Move meat around in pan to make sure the heat is evenly distributed. When there are still hints of pink meat, add mushrooms. Next, mix in the tomato sauce. Right before you are ready to take the pan off the stove, add spinach and let it wilt in the sauce (about 2 min). Salt and pepper to taste.

Make a few servings of whole wheat pasta for yourself. Tip: when the water comes to a boil, add a few drops of olive oil to prevent the noodles from sticking together later on.

How to store:

Plain pasta can stay in your fridge for 6–7 days. Sauce can stay in your fridge for 4–5 days. Divide portions of pasta and sauce into containers for the next few nights. Portion the extra sauce into Ziploc bags and keep in your freezer, making sure to leave an inch of space in the bag because the sauce will expand when it freezes. To thaw the frozen sauce, either put the baggy into the fridge for a day or empty frozen contents into a microwave safe bowl and defrost in the microwave.

Do not microwave Ziploc bag (duh).

Other suggestions?

k

The best foods to make ahead of time and then reheat are foods that are high in moisture, like soups, sauces, stews and beans.

—Mady Glickman

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34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

New

On Kidz

Photos by Mady Glickman

A homemade, brain–charging snack that’ll fit inside your pencil case.

Simply Cerebral Trail Mix Ingredients: • ¼ cup cashews, almonds and/or pistachios • ¼ cup pumpkin seeds • ¼ cup craisins, dried apricots or other dried fruit • ¼ cup dark chocolate chips Directions: Mix it all up, shake it like a Polaroid picture and put it in a plastic bag. It’s that easy.

—Isabel Oliveres

3426 Sansom St. Philadelphia, PA 19104 215.387.8981

Check out 34st.com for a great oatmeal recipe.

It's the night before your exam. You've got your carrel, your books and 14 hours left, and you're… eating. Pre–exam nosh is unavoidable, but there's got to be something better than Doritos. We checked in with Katy Meassick — Student Health's newest nutritionist — to get up to speed on what we should be eating when the going gets tough.

Street: When we’re stressed, why do we crave certain foods, and why are these foods so often junk/snack foods?

Katy Meassick: When anxiety levels rise, cravings increase and usually are focused on simple carbohydrates and fat. The simple carbs, usually sugar, have been shown to boost levels of the hormone serontonin which provides calming effects.

On top of that, researchers have also found that the combo of fat and sugar may have a higher calming effect. It really can be a combination of brain memory, actual cravings, habits and genetics. There have been additional studies that show a diet lacking in variety can lead to more food cravings […] My best advice is to eat everything you like in moderation to avoid such cravings.

Street: If we do drink alcohol when under stress, are certain types better than others?

KM: When it comes to alcohol, the portion matters and the mixers in the liquor make the difference. It is ideal to stay away from fruit juices and full calorie sodas as mixtures — these can make your drink 100– 200 calories higher than the beer or wine. There are researched health benefits to a moderate intake of alcohol, which is 1–2 drinks of the correct portion in a day. This does not mean all the days can be saved up [for] one night.

Street: Is it in poor judgment to snack late at night (i.e. when staying very late in the library)?

KM: It is not in poor judgement if in fact you are actually

of the Week: +

Vodka or gin on the rocks

+ lime

liter of water before bed

1. Spinach 2. Avocados 3. Almonds 4. Oranges 5. Milk 6. Complex carbohydrates 7. Fish

hungry. Some individuals have the tendency to mistake thirst for hunger and choose to snack out of boredom. If indeed you are actually hungry, you should choose snacks such as airpopped popcorn, veggies and lowcal dressing, pretzels or even half of a PBJ on whole grain bread.

Eating out of boredom is never a good idea. Drinking water while studying or even chewing gum can keep you busy to prevent mindless snacking.

Street: How important is breakfast before an exam, particularly for those not accustomed to eating much in the morning?

KM: Breakfast before an exam is imperative ­— breakfast every day is imperative. Glucose stores are depleted after a night of sleep ­— your brain only runs off of glucose so when you wake up and do not eat breakfast your brain has no fuel to perform at maximum performance during that exam. For those who aren’t accustomed to eating breakfast, you don’t actually have to “chew” a breakfast; a smoothie with yogurt, peanut butter and some fruit will be able to provide your brain with adequate nutrients, too. There is a lot of research that [shows] improved test scores in those who eat breakfast on a regular basis.

Relax with a nice alcoholic beverage — this one won’t leave you hungover the next morning.

Goodnight Smoke's, hello VP.

Drink

Ideal Foods for Finals

Your best chance at celebrating the end of your PSCI exam and waking up the next morning able to bang out your 10–pager.

To find out why these foods are good for you when stressed, and where to find them on campus, go to 34st.com.

For our final marathon production night we have a well–balanced selection of Koja, beer, soda, white fudge oreos, chicken finger pizza and Insomnia cookies.

Sorry Katy. @34st

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

Street: Are certain foods or food groups better suited to help us cope with stress?

KM: Stress (physiological and mental) requires the body to use more of all of the nutrients that it needs. Nutrient deficiencies cause the body to work inefficiently, nutrient dense foods support the body’s repair, growth of tissues and overall wellness and stress increases the need to eat a variety of foods and at regular intervals. Think of mental stress in the same way as

physical stress changing the food needs of the body. To manage stress, consume a balanced diet with lots of color (green leafy veggies, whole grains, plenty of fruits and vegetables).

Be sure to include healthy fats and lean proteins (chicken, fish, beans, eggs, etc.). Also, eat minimally processed foods and avoid excessive amounts of sugar, caffeine and alcohol. Be sure to drink enough water throughout the day — about 16 ml of fluid per pound of body weight.

SEVEN FOODS TO STEM YOUR STRESS

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

STRESSED? EAT THIS, NOT THAT

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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 8

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FILM

DO YOU PAY PER VIEW?

How Penn Students Watch Movies Borrow from Library

24.6%

Film polled you to find out how you are getting your Sunday afternoon movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. By anthony khaykin

T

hough we all know the Internet is for porn (thanks Avenue Q), the bedroom is no longer the only area being ceded to digital territory. For every girl with daddy’s AmEx, window browsing on Fifth Avenue has been replaced with online shopping. And FYEs everywhere have virtually been rendered useless (pun intended) with the existence of the multifarious iTunes store.

Things are no different here at Penn, where the Rave gets nearly half the traffic for the midnight screenings of blockbuster hits like Twilight as Hulu does the day after the newest episode of 30 Rock airs. This makes sense. We Penn students are too busy procrastinating on Penn InTouch and designing funny lacrosse pinnies for the clubs we’re involved in to leave the comfort of our beds to

watch Hugo in theaters. And we fit this mold of overworked Ivy League students well, with only about 17% of Penn undergrads watching movies at the Rave every semester.

But how about the other stereotype, the one that says all college students are poor? The free movement of information made possible by the interweb makes

you guess then that Penn students would prefer to get their RomCom fix online with free streaming websites like SideReel and Ch131 rather than pay for services provided by Netflix and Redbox?

While 75% of us watch movies online, nearly 50% pay for it. I hear Horrible Bosses — a new release on iTunes — is hysterical, but is Whose recommendations do you take? it worth the 50 1.5 salads at 47.7% Other Sweetgreen 40% 40 A Friend it would Cinema Studies have cost if 30 Major 26.2% 25% 25% I had seen it Professor or TA 20 in theaters?

Street Ramen noo10 *Students surveyed were allowed to choose more dles aren’t than one option.

0 that bad, I guess. entertainment accessible and The average Penn student inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch-

Dine-In, Catering & Delivery Happy Hour: Mon-Fri 5-7 Lunch Special: Mon-Fri $8.95 Early Bird: Sun-Thur $10.95

PattayaRestaurant.com • 215.387.8533 4006 Chestnut Street • University City

Don't Watch Movies Theaters

47.7%

Free Streaming

16.9%

Paid Online Services

9.2% 1.5%

Why do you go to the movies?

3.1% 25%

6.3%

Other It's a way to hang out with friends

40.6%

25%

es seven movies, more or less, every semester. Simple arithmetic proves that it’s $40 cheaper to watch said movies on Netflix than at the Rave, and an additional $20 less on iTunes (cost of popcorn and Mike and Ikes not included in these calculations). The low cost of watching seven movies on iTunes for less than 30 bucks is worth the many conveniences that online paid services afford us: not being interrupted by incessant buffering and commercials, the immunity to computer viruses and most importantly, not having to wait 54 minutes after watching 72 minutes of a movie on Megavideo.

Not to mention, it’s a small price to pay when you look at the big picture — the combined savings of the 47.7% of Penn students who pay for their online services rather than going to the movie theater is somewhere between $196,136 and $295,344, depending on whether they use Netflix or iTunes, respectively.

Moral of the story is: we won't judge if you just stay in bed. *A simple random sample of 100 Penn undergrads were surveyed to collect data about their film viewing habits.

It's a good study break It makes you feel relaxed and happy Required for Class

BY THE NUMBERS

$153,701 >> Total amount of money spent in movie theaters* by Penn students each semester

$196,136

>> Total amount of money spent watching online, if all people who paid for online services used iTunes*

$295,344

>> Total amount of money spent watching online, if all people who paid for online services used Netflix* *$12.50/ticket at the Rave *$3.99 to rent a movie on iTunes *$7.99/month on Netflix

Smart House (1999)

I

McQueen’s newest brings addiction to the screen in a hauntingly tangled portrayal.

By Alexandra jaffe

I

n his exquisite second film, Shame, writer and director Steve McQueen captures the intoxication and irrepressible yearning caused by addiction. Like in Hunger, his first masterpiece about a hunger strike in a prison, McQueen examines the limits of the human psyche.

This time he has chosen an intriguing but often taboo subject: sex addiction.

Michael Fassbender is triumphant in his poignant portrayal of Brandon and his aggressive addiction. Brandon attempts to keep his erotic pursuits removed and private from his seemingly glossy, successful professional life.

But when his dysfunctional sister Sissy (Mulligan) moves in with him, his life begins to unravel. Fassbender may have set the bar extremely high, but Mulligan’s performance does not disappoint.

Throughout the film, the audience is captivated by the mental deterioration of both siblings.

McQueen’s unique artistic vision is met with cinematography that beautifully complements the narrative.

Conscious use of color and light and a backdrop of heavy breathing makes this film impossible to view passively.

From the first scene, the pulse of the film captures the audience and refuses to let go.

shame Directed by: Steve McQueen

Starring: Michael Fassbender, Carey Mulligan see if you liked: Requiem for a Dream (2000) Rated NC–17, 101 min.

This raw study of sex addiction could have skewed into pornographic territory, but under the careful direction of McQueen, the erotic scenes are deliberate and necessary moments in the gritty drama. It is a tribute to the talent of McQueen that the often shocking material never comes off as existing purely for shock value.

Shame’s authentic and graphic depiction of sex addiction most certainly deserves its NC–17 rating.

You break every sex addict stereotype.

However, Shame presents an addict trying to hold it together while everything falls apart, and by the end of the film it is clear that this is a story about addiction, not about sex.

This isn’t to say that the film is flawless. Heightened drama during the final minutes threatens to cheapen the intensity that pulses throughout the plot. Regardless, the final scene of Brandon

shakes the viewer up enough to confirm our attachment to this highly tragic character.

Shame wears its NC–17 rating as a badge of pride, and its distributor, Fox Searchlight, will bravely release it unedited. Unfortunately this rating will limit where it can play, but Shame is absolutely worth the trek.

A dark treasure, the film is sure to wow critics and leave audiences breathless.

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34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

would like to say that I’ve grown out of my Disney Channel Original Movie (DCOM) phase, but I have to be honest; movies like Halloweentown and Luck of the Irish get me every time. As part of a generation that worships worshipped boy bands and Beanie Babies, the DCOM has a special place in my heart. Smart House is no exception.

The Coopers are the recent recipients of a new house, equipped with a brand new Personal Applied Technology (PAT): a cyber–maid. She cleans, cooks, throws illicit house parties for kids (sans alcohol and suggestive dancing, of course) and makes the lives of the Coopers generally “rad!”

But when Mr. Cooper takes interest in Sara, the inventor of PAT, his son Ben begins to feel as if Sara is trying to replace his deceased mother. By changing the computer settings on PAT, Ben is able to make her act more motherly, so that his father won’t feel the need to find a new wife. What ensues is a comical and Orwellian struggle between the Coopers and the new cyber–mom, as she puts the family under house arrest and monitors their every move.

At this point, I could talk about the weighty themes brought up in the film, but that would ruin the fun, wouldn’t it? Much better to embrace the general fluff of a DCOM like Smart House and reminisce about the days when wearing flared jeans and hair wraps was socially acceptable.

—Patrick Del Valle

A LITTLE ‘SHAME’ NEVER HURT

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••• ••• Tracy McIntosh was a world–renowned brain researcher and one of Penn’s rising stars. The 52–year–old

Despite the fact that sexual assault is a felony in Pennsylvania, a civil lawsuit subsequently filed by the victim showed that the University opted to conduct an

informal inquiry into the matter. It also tapped Arthur Asbury, a long time colleague of McIntosh, to lead the investigation. Court documents show that at no point did Asbury interview any female students, lab employees or colleagues of McIntosh.

In late February 2003, then–President Judith Rodin informed the victim’s family of the results of the University’s informal investigation. She told them that Asbury’s inquiry was “unable to corroborate fully either party’s recitation of the actions that transpired the night of September 6,” and specifically that “Dr. Asbury was not able to find any evidence supporting the allegation the Dr. McIntosh had a history of predatory conduct.”

However, the President’s letter concluded that McIntosh had acted inappropriately and therefore had been sanctioned. The University ordered a pay freeze until 2009 but allowed McIntosh to remain on the faculty.

••• On April 23, 2003, McIntosh went on leave from the University. The next day he surrendered himself to the police and was charged with rape, sexual assault and possession of marijuana, among other charges. With McIntosh formally charged, Penn ordered a second investigation into his behavior at the University in July, this time led by Victoria A. Mulhern, executive director of faculty affairs for Penn’s medical school.

It was not until after McIntosh pled no contest to sexual assault and the possession of marijuana in December that he was asked to resign. On March 2, 2004, McIntosh was found guilty of both charges and sentenced to house arrest for 11 and a half to 23 months.

••• After the sentencing, details from the

••• Two weeks after the report went public, the victim slapped Penn, the School of Medicine, Arthur Asbury and Tracy McIntosh with a civil lawsuit. The Daily Pennsylvanian reported on March 18, 2005 that “the civil case was intended to draw attention to Penn’s alleged failure to supervise and contain McIntosh,” according to the victim’s lawyer, Jack Meyerson.

The complaint alleged that the Uni-

••• On October 23, 2008, nearly three years after the civil suit was filed and over six years after the initial incident, Penn settled with the victim. The details of the settlement were kept confidential.

By the time the two parties reached the settlement, only the claims of civil conspiracy and the intentional infliction of emotional distress had been dismissed.

Counts of negligence and negligent infliction of emotional distress upon the victim were still pending.

The Philadelphia Inquirer reported that the settlement, noted in Philadelphia Common Pleas Court, helped to avoid a potentially embarrassing nonjury trial that was slated for later that year. Though no details about Penn’s settlement emerged, the court deposition indicated that a separate settlement was reached between the victim and McIntosh weeks later, which included a

$500,000 judgment against the former professor “pursuant to and subject to a separate confidential agreement.”

••• Unlike the Penn State scandal that became an overnight media sensation, the University of Pennsylvania’s handling of its investigation slipped by without much media attention. For the most part, the civil allegations directed toward the University were overshadowed by several fiascos that occurred in the criminal proceedings. McIntosh was originally sentenced to 11 and a half to 23 months under house arrest, fined $20,000 and ordered to pay another $20,000 for the victim’s psychological treatment. The relatively lenient sentencing sparked criticism from women’s groups; sexual assault can carry up to 40 years in prison, in extreme cases.

That frustration was compounded when McIntosh gained permission in January 2006 from sentencing Judge Rayford Means to forgo part of his house arrest to take a research post in Milan, Italy. Following public outcry, McIntosh was removed from his post and ordered to return back to the country. Then, in October 2007, the state Superior and Supreme Courts vacated Means’ original criminal sentence as too lenient, and he was resentenced after an appeal from the DA. On February 13, 2008 McIntosh was sentenced to three and a half to seven years in prison, where he is currently residing.

All of this was happening in the middle of the civil litigation, alleging a mishandling by the University. The sheer amount of drama was exhausting, especially as media attention turned toward Rafael Robb, the Penn Economics professor who in 2007 pled guilty to beating his wife to death with a chin– up bar the year before.

As media attention increased, Penn State’s Board of Trustees appeared to be distancing itself from President Spanier after he promptly resigned following

NOT

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

husband and father of two daughters was quickly climbing the ranks since joining Penn’s faculty in 1992. By the fall of 2002, he had already achieved tenure for his cutting edge work on brain injuries and had picked up several awards and substantial grant money along the way.

According to court records, his victim was the 23–year–old niece of his college roommate who had recently moved to Philadelphia to study at the Vet School.

The Pennsylvania Superior Court’s description of the charges against McIntosh is chilling: On the evening of September 6, 2002 the two met at his lab, and from there he took her to three campus bars where they started drinking. By the time they reached the second bar at White Dog Cafe, the victim reported feeling “strange” after consuming two ciders and one Irish whiskey. They moved on to Pod where she said she became disoriented, had blurred vision and began projectile vomiting. Rather than take her home, McIntosh directed the victim, who was unable to walk on her own, back to his office at 105 Hayden Hall. On the way, he offered her some marijuana, which she smoked, to settle her stomach.

In statements given to the police, she recalled kissing McIntosh at some point, and then later observing McIntosh with his penis in his hand, and then finally, she recalls McIntosh placing his penis inside her vagina.

She testified that she was physically immobilized and unable to act.

On November 15, 2002, more than two months later, she filed a complaint with the University. Three days later, she alerted the police.

versity of Pennsylvania and the Medical School, as well as many of Tracy McIntosh’s Medical School colleagues, knew prior to his encounter with the victim that Tracy McIntosh had a lengthy history of utilizing his prestigious position with the University of Pennsylvania Medical School to perform acts of sexual aggression, manipulation, intimidation and harassment against women with whom he came in contact.

She alleged that the University and others obstructed justice and hindered the criminal investigation by withholding evidence from prosecutors and suggested that McIntosh’s continued employment was essential to enable the defendants to continue to profit from the research grants that he received for his work. In response, University spokeswoman Lori Doyle strongly denied the accusations and maintained that Penn had acted in a fully legal manner. Doyle told the Penn Gazette that “Penn at no time had any reliable information of sexual misconduct relating to Dr. McIntosh that it failed to act upon.”

the outbreak of the scandal. On the other hand, Penn’s Board of Trustees celebrated Judith Rodin when she announced after a regularly scheduled Trustees’ meeting on June 20, 2003 that she intended to step down from office when she completed her 10–year term in June 2004. It was not even two months after McIntosh was formally charged Upon leaving the University, Rodin was appointed president of the Rockefeller Foundation and this year was named as #71 in Forbes’ annual list of powerful women.

••• “Penn is big enough to have criminals. We have survived murder, we have survived faculty plagiarizing, we have survived deviants, we have survived harassment and we have survived racism.

There is an understanding this is the real world,” said Legal Studies professor Nick Constan.

The former executive assistant to Rodin’s predecessor Sheldon Hackney, he is familiar with what can happen when a potential scandal breaks out. “The first reaction is 'Oh shit, how do we make this go away.' And then you start to circle the wagon. At Penn State they were probably thinking 'if that ever got to the feds, that would ruin his [Paterno’s] reputation.' It’s all relevant to reputation.

What Penn State is teaching people is that it is a black mark, but it’s going to be much worse if there is a perceived cover–up.”

The potential embarrassment to the institution is always an incentive to the way we try to handle ourselves when it comes to scandal. But it’s handling is not without consequences.

••• In light of the incidents at Penn State,

Presid e n t Amy Gutmann, Provost Vincent Price and Executive Vice President Craig Carnaroli released “A Message to the Community on Penn’s Values” on November 18, rehearsing the “University’s deeply held values, and our determined commitment to ensure an environment of ethical, honorable and legal conduct in every aspect of our campus life.”

Penn does have the mechanisms and procedures in place to assist when faculty, staff and students encounter a problem. Acts of sexual violence are defined and there is a commitment from the University to thoroughly investigating charges on a confidential basis. The sanctions for individuals that violate the policy include prosecution by the United States District Attorney under Pennsylvania Criminal Statuses. According to Vice President of Communications Stephen MacCarthey, Penn’s policy — which was crafted in 1998 — is republished yearly as a reminder to the campus community.

Yet as the McIntosh and Sandusky incidents remind us, having the policies in place doesn’t guarantee that investigations will be conducted responsibly, especially when they are conducted behind closed doors. As Penn students, we can only hope that the current administration will follow the procedures when violations of Penn’s policies are reported.

After all, we are not Penn State.

Lauren Plotnick is Executive Editor of the Daily Pennsylvanian. She is a College senior from Potomac, Maryland.

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

T

he allegations leveled against former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky were explosive.

That the 67–year–old could have molested eight boys over a 15–year period seemed unthinkable. We shook our heads as details emerged that Joe Paterno and top University officials likely had knowledge of an incident in which Sandusky sexually assaulted a young boy in a locker room shower back in 2002, but never called the police. Instead, University President Graham Spanier banned Sandusky from bringing children into the locker room and no further action was pursued until one of the victim’s mothers alerted the police seven years later.

We at Penn were watching, as distraught Penn State students tore through campus in support of their beloved coach. While some students at Penn called for solidarity with our peers, others were furious. Why? The classic mix– up; New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd confused Happy Valley for Locust Walk. Her column was entitled “Foul Play at Penn.” Multiple other references were made in the column, leading to a correction published by the Times and media coverage of the mix–up.

Still we breathed a collective sigh of relief that it didn’t happen here.

As we corrected well–intentioned relatives and proudly proclaimed that “We are not Penn State” we nearly lost sight of the fact that, for all practical purposes, it has happened here before.

Not just sexual assault carried out by a member of Penn’s prestigious faculty, but that University officials had knowledge of an alleged sexual assault and may have failed to act accordingly.

second investigation, which included interviews from 11 women who worked in McIntosh’s lab, became public. While several of the women praised McIntosh as a supportive mentor and dismissed claims of questionable behavior as rumors, a memo outlining Penn’s internal investigations provided testimony from others subject to unwanted sexual advances.

The memo detailed several stories of McIntosh’s inappropriate behavior toward his female employees and students. Three women working in his lab conducted an intervention in November 2002, after receiving several complaints about McIntosh’s behavior toward young women employees, students and lab techs. This occurred around the same time that McIntosh was accused of assault, though none of the women involved in the intervention claimed to know anything about the alleged assault.

The report also included testimony from a lab technician who quit after complaining that McIntosh tried to pursue a romantic relationship with her and began raising “work performance issues” when she rebuffed his advances. Another story involved a lab janitor whom McIntosh paid, sometimes picked up marijuana from and tried unsuccessfully to hire as a temporary lab manager, though she was not qualified; and a female post– doctoral researcher whom McIntosh tried to kiss after a lab group dinner at which there was “a lot of drinking.”

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

We may not be that different after all. By Lauren Plotnick

?

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Notes on a SCANDAL

NN STA E P

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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 12

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MUSIC

Collective Action Collective debuts tonight with free concert. By SAM BRODEY AND JAKE SPINOWITZ Penn has long been a hotbed of musical activity. Now the scene is stronger than ever, thanks in part to the Penn Music Collective, a group designed by student musicians for student musicians looking to branch out. Tonight, SPEC Concerts is hosting the first Penn Music Collective concert, featuring four independent student bands. Street sat down with David Berliner and Adam Savitt, members of Silk City and Fat Panther, respectively, to talk about the inaugural concert they helped to organize and the current state of Penn’s music community.

Street: What is the Penn music community like?

David Berliner: Insular.

Adam Savitt: It’s not insular, it’s small.

DB: We stick together because we don’t have a formal sign up sheet. Like, if I was gonna sign up for a jazz combo I’d register for it on Penn InTouch and I’d get half a credit for it at the end of the semester. So with this, the more we play together, the more I get to meet other guys that are interested in music, the more their friends are interested in music. The reason why we wanted to call it a collective is we want to keep expanding that.

AS: And there are kids playing. There are a ton of kids playing at Penn, but in these pockets. And there are pockets of kids playing and sometimes

you’ll meet someone from another pocket and realize there’s this whole other group of kids playing that you never knew was playing before. I didn’t know anything about David and his band until we met through Mask and Wig. Street: How did you get teamed up with the Vagina Monologues?

DB: That was kind of a later addition; it was after we met with SPEC. Adam and I always wanted to do some sort of charity concert, and we thought of getting Vagina Monologues to kind of do an awareness participation thing. So we asked them if they wanted to be involved in whatever form they wanted and we’re collecting donations for them and they’re selling merchandise. And there may

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or may not be a bake sale.

AS: Penn is a baking community.

But in that same vein, we were trying to integrate other performing artists and artists in general in the Penn community, not just musicians. And so we also recruited graphic designers and artists that are in the Penn community and students here to design our posters, to design our flyers and things like that.

Street: Where do you see the trajectory of the Penn music community going?

AS: I would say the best case scenario is that this turns into a situation where bands like David's and my band who’ve both been playing for a while and kind of know the scene, know how to get gigs, know how to bargain with venues and get compensated (barely) can pass that knowledge on to younger bands.

DB: We decided if we linked up with SPEC and Vagina Monologues and really did it right and got people on campus who are really motivated and involved in a lot of things to take a stake in the concert, then this could be something that happens maybe every year. We’ve had four years of awesome musical experiences at Penn, and clearly we love the school, but we’re graduating in the spring and just because we’re graduating we don’t want this independent student rock thing to go away. So hopefully we can keep it going.

AS: I think when it comes down to it, the most important thing with this event is to throw an awesome concert that a lot of people come to and really enjoy and have a musical experience and be touched and Stream we can provide music from that during our the bands at last dwindling 34st.com hours as Penn students.

Fat Panther: This five–piece rock band has been keeping busy since the 2010 release of their debut EP, Anti–Gravity Party Chamber, performing regularly at concert venues across the city and even earning a weekly slot at Smoke’s last spring. With the members all formally trained in diverse musical idioms such as Brazilian samba percussion and funk bass, Fat Panther delivers an eclectic brand of high– energy rock that keeps audiences wanting more.

Slow Dance Chubby: Banned from four different Penn music practice rooms due to noise violations during their first year as a band, Slow Dance Chubby has since come to friendlier terms with Penn’s music community, becoming the go–to band for frat parties and official Penn events alike. If their name isn't enough innuendo for you, stop by their Facebook page to grab a copy of their EP, The Grower.

Silk City: They used to be the Buck Claytons, but a visit to the Silk City Diner motivated this five–piece rock group to become a band by the same name. Be sure to check out their new releases on the Silk City Facebook page and bring a camera to the show — they're highly photogenic.

Red Giants: Astronomy isn't the only thing these cats have in common. Check out their new six–track EP at www.RedGiantsband.com for some joosey jams and saucey sauce. Mmm. (*Disclaimer: Music Editor Jake Spinowitz is a member of Red Giants)

When: Thursday, December 1, 8 P.M. Where: St. Mary's Church, 3916 Locust Walk Admission: Free, donations are optional.

THE BEST

OF 2011

“Headlines” – Drake “Holocene” – Bon Iver “Otis” – Jay-Z & Kanye West “One And Only” – Adele “Pumped Up Kicks” – Foster The People “Lotus Flower” – Radiohead “Yonkers” – Tyler, The Creator “Sim Sala Bim” – Fleet Foxes “Wildfire” – SBTRKT "You Know What I Mean" – Cults

With the end of the year nearly upon us, join us as we reflect on the past year in music. Check out our picks for 2011's top tracks, hidden gems, flops and more — and, of course, the winner of the incredibly prestigious "Street Music's Favorite Album" prize.

By SAM BRODEY AND JAKE SPINOWITZ

Feist – Metals

This Canadian songstress went to work for several years on her sophomore album, after earning the reputation of "the girl who did the 1–2–3–4 song on the iPod commercial." On Metals, Feist more than shakes that mantle off, producing a stellar album that establishes her as an artist to watch in her own right — regardless of "commercial" success.

Editors Pick:

Best Collab:

Jack White With Insane Clown Posse –

Best Comeback:

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

Top Ten Tracks:

Fleet Foxes – Helplessness Blues "Leck

Mich Im Arsch" Jay–Z and Kanye's little project was cool and all, but 2011 saw what was quite possibly the best union in music history: Jack White and Insane Clown Posse.

The rock and blues god teamed up with the certifiable maniacs of ICP to cover, of all things, Mozart.

Forget Watch the Throne — when Mr. White and ICP team up, you best watch your back.

While we had several albums on this shortlist (what up, Bon Iver), the master work by magnificent, plaid–clad folksters Fleet Foxes won out in a tough decision. Stacked top to bottom with gems, like the gentle "Sim Sala Bim" and the sublime "Montezuma," to name just a few, Helplessness Blues makes a tremendous case for best album of the year.

THE BEST OF What You May Have Missed:

Biggest Flop:

Lou Reed & Metallica – Lulu

On paper it sounds kind of interesting — a venerable iconoclast teaming up with the world's biggest metal band — but in audio form, this album was nothing less than an utterly catastrophic mess. Lou Reed's quasi–poetry over Metallica's bombastic musical stylings failed to live up to the high expectations.

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

“The Birds” – Elbow “Sleep Forever” – Portugal. The Man “Honey Bunny” – Girls “Bright Lights” – Gary Clark Jr. "Midnight City" – M83

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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 14

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ARTS

Thank God it’s (First) Friday

Listen up. These opening exhibits won't just help you cross a quirky gift or two off your Christmas list, they'll also open your ears to an assortment of live Philly jams. Head to Old City, get down with some jazz and match a face to these outrageous DJ names. BY LIN ZHENG

Reward

55 N. 2nd St. 6–9 p.m.

Untitled by Lizzy Janssen

Old City boutique, Reward, will offer an eclectic fusion of fashion and design for its First Friday event. Featured artists Lizzy Janssen and Elizabeth Garvey, both associated with Philly–born brand Free People, will showcase their colorful paintings and illustrations, while DJ Fish n’ Chips (no joke) keeps the energy high. Janssen’s work frequently plays with collage and mixed media, incorporating motifs from flora, fauna and literature that have also been translated onto printed, vintage–style t–shirts. More humorous in tone, Garvey’s work draws from pop culture, picturing characters ranging from Johnny Cash to blue–collar beer guzzlers. If you’re hoping to spice up your closet, don't miss Reward's exclusive clothing selection.

COME TRY...

PHILLY’S BEST

Space 1026

1026 Arch St. 2nd Fl. 7–10 p.m.

Never been to an art auction?

Take the first step and preview one at Space 1026.

Don’t worry, Tiger Head by Matt Leines it won’t cost you millions. The actual auction, which takes place a week later on December 9, has all bids starting at $5.

More of a collaborative venture than a typical gallery, Space 1026 is managed completely by its artist members.

All of the profits from the auction will help support this project, allowing these artists an affordable and independent space to work in. Previous auctions have included a diverse array of works from the mythological reinterpretations of Matt Leines to Bonnie Brenda Scott's sensuous depictions of the internal and external human body.

Stop by not only to view the art but also to enjoy live music courtesy of Psychic Franklin and DJ Lei–Away.

Bring in ad & get 20% off food with Penn ID

Drink Philly

239 Chestnut St. 2nd Fl, Unit B 5–9 p.m.

RSVP at philly.thedrinknation.com 21+

L Add some variety to your Friday night beverages by checking out Drink Philly's First Friday gathering. An invaluable online resource that promotes local bars and educated drinking, Drink Philly will welcome the public into its Old City headquarters to sample beverages, food, art and music all for free. This December, attendees can enjoy an exhibition

by Side Arts, a program that supports local artists and their crafts, ranging from paintings and photography to tattoo and fiber arts.

If you're an art student, bring along your latest work, because Side Arts and Drink Philly are always on the lookout for new talent to showcase.

The exhibition is accompanied by a live jazz band as well as some unique pub food including cheesesteak spring rolls and chicken sliders paired with Headwaters Pale Ale and Prima Pils beer.

Elise Wrabetz

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30 Drafts 50 Bottles WE HAVE TAKE OUT!

King Solomon

Check out College senior Elise Wrabetz’s interview at 34st.com and see more of her work tonight from 5–7 at the Senior Thesis preview in Addams.

Woman and Child

Photo by Adrian Franco

ike most of the attendees of our fine institution, I have the secret desire to have myself immortalized in the form of a massive bronze statue. But until the impossible happens, one can gander at Alexander Archipenko’s statue King Solomon, a much more deserving figure than I. Portraying the king himself, though even Solomon might have had some trouble recognizing his cubist alter–ego, the sculpture dominates the walk from 36th and Locust to Walnut.

The work’s creation began in 1964, when Archipenko, an avant–garde Ukrainian artist, completed a four–foot King Solomon designed for enlargement. When he died shortly after, his wife oversaw its casting.

1968 marked the birth of the towering 14.5–foot, 1.5–ton King Solomon that we now know and love. In 1985, it was given to our dear old Penn by Mr. and Mrs. Jeffrey H. Loria, where it has stood ever since.

The work itself is cubist: semi–familiar forms mixed with hard–edged deconstructions of body parts. Through its size and heavy bronze coloring, viewing the work evokes the feeling of smallness in the face of power that one must have felt standing before King Solomon himself.

I’ve seen this statue raise the eyebrows of many a passing student, but if you’re not willing to give this model of abstraction a chance, let the wise words of Archipenko convince you: “If you don’t like garlic, you can’t understand modern art.”

—Isaac Kaplan

have suffered by joining Philly in the Day With(out) Art. BY ELLIE LEVITT

IN THE PAST 1989 The Met replaced Picasso’s 1906 portrait of Gertrude Stein with a black–and– white placard about AIDS.

THIS YEAR IN PHILADELPHIA: Institute of Contemporary Art

The William Way Community Center

Every hour on the hour, the ICA will play Untitled, a film of archival and pop footage of the fervent activism sparked by the outbreak of AIDS. Stop by today between 1–3 p.m. to participate in a Ribbon Bee where members of the community can read related materials out loud, Courtesy of the New York Public Library listen and help assemble hundreds of red ribbons with pins designed by four contemporary artists.

In an exhibit titled “1981–Until It’s Over,” William Way encapsulates the political history of AIDS and the ways Philadelphia emerged as a national leader in treatment and support. In a chronological string of photographs, newspaper clippings and quotes, you can trace the incredible and ever–present dent AIDS has left in our city — taking pride in our identity as one of the first cities to provide free HIV testing and remembering the disease's prevalence now more than ever.

118 S. 36th St. 12/1, 11 a.m.–6 p.m. icaphila.org

1315 Spruce St. Now–12/15, 11 a.m.–7 p.m. waygay.org

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Day With(out) Art In the pandemic's 30th year, HIV/AIDS still affects over 30,000 Philadelphians. Take action and mourn for those who

Temple Gallery

1993

2001 N. 13th St. Now–12/16, 11 a.m.–6 p.m. temple.edu/tyler/exhibitions

The Guggenheim draped a giant black cloth from the roof down the length of the building.

Courtesy of the Temple Gallery at the Tyler School of Art

The Andy Warhol Museum featured over 1,825 oversized AZT pills, the annual dose of AZT taken during the ‘80s.

Asian Arts Initiative

1219 Vine St. 12/2–1/27, 10 a.m.– 6 p.m.

Opening reception Friday 12/2 at 6 p.m. asianartsinitiative.org

The Asian Arts Intiative’s exhibit “Witness,” curated by David Acosta, calls on 30 artists for a response to the social, cultural and political impact of 30 years of HIV/ AIDS. Artists are broken into two groups: half selected due to previous work addressing the subject matter and half selected in an open call for artists under 30 years old. Assorted races, ages, genders and sexual orientations unite in a multi–media installation that focuses on this moment in time.

Courtesy of Asian Arts Initiative

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

2005

Temple Gallery has amassed a selection of protest ephemera from a range of Philadelphia groups. These placards, banners, signs and stickers chart Philadelphia’s history with the virus through some of the major issues such as opposition to Big Pharma, housing for those with HIV and AIDS, and prisoners with AIDS.

15

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

SHOUTOUTS

Oh yes, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the answer to all your prayers. Go on, take a peek.

Did yours get in? Is that one about you? Is that bitch for real? Our lips are sealed, but it turns out most of your legs aren’t. A fresh batch of Shoutouts straight out of the Street oven await your consumption. Get ‘em while they’re hot! They’re here, they’re queer, get used to them.

To the girl who pretended to be transgendered for an entire semester to fit in with the gay community: We all know.

To the food ladies at Commons: It’s finally December.

Time to shave the beards!

To the girl who called me “just a bitch tryna get cocaine”: I’d rather be a bitch tryna get cocaine than a bitch tryna get dick at TEP. To Montana gay: You’re with a new boy almost every weekend. You realize this isn't Brokeback Mountain?

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

To the Pi Lam who wasn’t into it when I asked him to explain Nietzsche to me while I went down on him: I was only, like, just trying to be ironic, man. Because normally blow jobs are sooo mainstream.

16

To the friend I fucked during NSO: Sex is not the Cha–Cha slide.

You do not need to call out the next position.

To my housemates: I leave the door open while I shower so you can come in and brush your teeth, not drop a deuce and leave.

To the girl at Pottruck wearing her sorority shorts and an Alcoholics Anonymous T-shirt: Sucks that Letter Day and AA meetings are both on Thursdays.

To my 65–year–old professor that keeps nip–slipping: Got milk?

To my history professor: You remind me of a Spanish version of Hugh Grant and I love your sweaters.

To my Econ TA: I’m pretty sure you don’t play for my team but, just in case, I’m the same person that wrote “You’re cute!” at the bottom of your evaluation sheet.

To the self–proclaimed chicabitch: Tu eres loca.

No mas cocaina para ti.

To the people in my Japanese class that already speak Japanese and have anime swoopy swoop hair: (T_T) To the girl that tripped down the stairs just to get up and fall down again: Third time's a charm.

To the freshman who faked being from London for two months: We could have had it allllllll, rolling in the deeeeeeppppp.

To all the students in my recitation: It’s not “don’t cheat” — it’s “don’t get caught.”

To the ChiO junior who thinks everyone is her friend: Sex does not mean friendship. Sorry Catholic school confused you.

To the engineer I’m avoiding: I’m avoiding you.

To the Masti John Travolta I met on Halloween: Next time, try to last longer than Grease Lightning.

To the freshman I fucked while blackout: Sorry your first threesome was with me and my Aunt Flow.

To the stranger who ran into my class screaming, “Cutest dog ever,” waving a picture of my dog: Wait, WHY do you have a picture of my dog? That's mah bitch.

“to get all the residue”: You missed a spot.[Ed. Note: Have you met chicabitch?]

To the girl who gave me a blood clot instead of a hickey: You suck.

To the guy who put his number in my phone as “Cute Giy From Lasy Nigh”: You aren’t.

To the Theta I thought I judged too quickly: Thanks for proving me right when you told me that granola bar was all you’d eaten in 48 hours.

To Penn’s most old–fashioned dresser: Neither your tweed jacket nor your pipe is healthy for you… or your sex life.

To Penn Students for Christ: Thanks for bringing God back to this campus, and my heart. <3 To my boyfriend who cheated on me with strangers online: Hope she enjoys your 3–inch floppy more than I did.

To our BFF breaking up with her amazing boyfriend: We like him better than you.

To the kitchen staff at Tap House: For the millionth time, no, I will not watch you masturbate in the back room.

To people who go to Pottruck just to get smoothies: Just being in the gym doesn’t burn calories.

To the GA who did coke and then snorted tequila

To the, um, AXO chica in my, like, es-pan-YOLE class-

ey: You, um, have a, like, bado accent-o. Like, ay Dios mío.

To my freshman year KCECH hallmate: Sorry your girlfriend likes my kosher beef more than she liked your Chinese noodle.

To the freshman who licked my ear, neck, and face on the dance floor like a dog: Ruh roh.

To the “Copy of the paper?” girl on College Green: How about a copy of my foot up your ass?

To my mom who, by means of Facebook, found out I’m dating a shiksa: Don’t worry, she’s just for practice.

To the AEPi brother next door: You have a great package and a cute ass. We know this because you’ve masturbated in front of our entire house. Twice. Good call skimping on the blinds.

To Locust Walk light up balls: Congratulations on making me more excited than any other balls I’ve seen at Penn.

To my stoner RA: Sharing is caring.

To the cultured chipmunkfaced Friar: Maybe if your tongue wasn’t constantly plastered against the buttholes of drunk freshmen you wouldn’t be so full of shit.

To Insomnia $1.25? Really?

Cookies:

To my TA in Medical Anthropology: Your love is my drug.

To the junior in Theos who refused to eat me out: Screaming “It’s not like I’m gay or anything!” after looking at my pussy doesn’t really help your case.

To the midget who STILL

wants to fuck my man: Just because I’m abroad doesn’t mean he’s started fucking midgets, OKAY?!

To the senior in Castle who tags his brother in every FB post: No comment.

To the girl who sits in Capo stalking a certain Radian window: As a Theta, you should understand the concept of “the lights are on, but nobody’s home.”

To the girl whose Facebook photos I jerk off to: I’m glad we finally met in person. You just gave me so much more material.

To the perpetually barefoot guy googling porn in my LPS class: Cool it. Even neck

tattoo man and girl who eats her hair are judging you.

To AEPi: Having two Canadians does not make you international enough to play that much house music.

To the snobby girl who asks for a non–fatsugarfreewhatevercappuccino and can’t get off her phone to order: I put whole milk in your drink.

To my alien roommate: Be Boop Beep Beep Boop.

To SDT: Please wear name tags so I can tell you apart.

To that bitch with the face: You know who you are.

To the maniac who ripped his own house apart in a fit of excitement: No one’s sure how you were elected Hillel’s new president, but can the Jews just have one site that isn’t left in complete ruins?

To DJ Sexybeats: Congratulations! I never thought I’d find a DJ worse than Dosage.

To the Phi Psi bro who uses his tiny dog to get girls: Down, boy!

To the AXO who got laid at her philanthropy event: Was he actually a BMOC?

To the squirrel I ran

To the sprint football senior: Can we use your toothbrush as a sex toy again?

over with my bike outside of Huntsman this time last year: Every time I see a

To the UA: The trick is, you have to call it “New Member Education.” –IFC

squirrel, I wonder if

To Beta: How awkward is it pretending to like Rossman?

made it, baby.

it’s you. I hope you

To DJ Dosage: Congratulations! I never thought I’d find a DJ worse than TEGA.

To one particular house of boys on Delancey: We doubt your sexuality every Friday night when you blast S Club 7.

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

To the junior who lost her virginity between the Van Pelt stacks: That's one for the books.

To the BMOC contestant who wore a thong and spread his legs on stage: Movember is not an excuse to not manscape.

To Helen Cheung: I hope Penn’s insurance covers your carpel tunnel syndrome.

We're telling you loosen up our buttons babe (Uh huh) But you keep fronting (Uh)

But we ain't seen nothing (Uh)

Wanna write for Under the Button? Show us your buttons tonight. 7:15. 4015 Walnut.

make your appointment today (215) 222-9252 • 3743 Walnut St., Philadelphia, PA 19104 www.josephanthonyhairsalon.com

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

Saying what you going do to us (Uh huh)

• cuts • color • perms • straightening • conditioning • waxing • tanning • shaving • nails

17

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

To the kid who came in my eye after his date party: I think your penis has conjunctivitis.

To the girl who slept with the guy with a mannequin fetish: You’re a doll.

To Europe: We’re sorry for clogging your drains with our chest hair. Love, Theos Juniors.

To the Beta Abercrombie model: Please lose the trucker haircut… it’s getting harder to fantasize about you.

To the girl who went through four Wawa milkshakes before realizing she needed to remove the aluminum foil cover: I saw that.

To the bulimic girls in Van Pelt: The walls in the bathrooms aren’t soundproof.

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

To the asshole who pulled my laundry out 15 minutes early: I wish your dad had pulled out 15 seconds early.

18

To Max who shares his iTunes library in Huntsman: Your “Baby Makin” playlist is hilarious.

To the guy in front of me at Fresh Grocer buying white fudge covered Oreos, a can of New England clam chowder soup and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s: It’s okay to cry.

To the senior husbandhunter: Every guy at Penn already knows you refuse to graduate without a rock on your finger. Maybe settle for a class ring instead?

To the girl with huge tits that struts around Hillel on Friday nights: Can I put my matzoh balls in your soup?

To the Hilary Swank lookalike: You are The Resident of my heart. Boys Don’t Cry, but I’d be touched to The Core if you would share my Conviction. P.S. I Love You. Will you mother my Million Dollar Baby?

To girls who claim to like poets: Why’re thy heads not twixt my thighs?

To my little: Does what we did last night constitute incest?

To the girl who “like, totally supports the Occupy movement”: You’re holding a Birkin bag. Shut up.

To the girl forced out of my bed post–coitus due to a fire alarm: I pulled it.

To anyone planning on getting a haircut at Aveda: Whatever you do, don’t talk! Distractions lead to unwanted mullets and uneven bangs.

To the hunched-over man who stomps around with his cane in Van Pelt from the hours of 2 to 5 a.m.: Where the hell is your PennCard?

To my freshman resident who leaves condom wrappers in the hall to look cool: You know you can't get yourself pregnant, right?

To the sophomore I hooked up with during NSO that said “I love you” while I was fucking him: A simple thanks would suffice.

To Rebel Bingo: I spent five hours dressing up like a bloody cheerleader and all I got was this lousy Panda suit.

To the bland Fiji brother who looks like Voldemort: Accio personality!

To the guy who picked a sandwich over sex: I’m not gonna wait around ‘til they take the Gobbler off the Wawa menu.

To the freshman softballer who chugged condiments in my basement: I never mustard up the courage to ask you to French.

To both Juans I’m hooking up with: Come on, vamanos, everybody sexo!

To the kid who goes to Pottruck to play Pokemon: Will you ever evolve?

To my Senegalese professor: Every time I write you an email I have to stop my-

self from ending with ‘Love always.’

To the Theos senior who favors women’s clothing: It's weird that you fill that dress better than your "girlfriend."

To the girls who put TriDelt under work on their Facebook profiles: Does slut come before or after fellatio in the job description?

To Capogiro: You know the PowerDown challenge was just for the dorms, right?

To the girl who offered me head to make up for voming on my shoes: Apology accepted.

To Jimmy John’s: When girls in my sorority go to the gym, I go to the Jim. No regrets.

To the guy who stole and masturbated in my socks then gave me one back: Where’s my other sock?

To Alpha Phi: Your puns aren’t phunny.

To people who jog on Locust: There are easier ways to avoid flyers.

To the Theta–Tabard contingency abroad: They redid the 5th floor in VP. You can all come back now.

To the wizard of farts (wof): I just wanted you to know I respect your powers and the secrecy of your identity. WoF on.

To the limping Quad security guard: Who are you honestly going to catch?

To the girl who meowed and clawed at my door in the Radian at 3:30 a.m.: I don’t want your pussy.

To the Theta sophomores who wear high heels at Smoke’s: Now if you trip, you get a nosejob on the house!

To my marketing professor explaining pricing strategies: We get it. You're with it. Stop pausing after every time you say "market penetration," it's creepy.

To the URBS senior studying “concerting” for his thesis: That’s not a word and rolling at a Kaskade concert doesn’t count as “ethnographic research.”

To my ex: Sleeping with my friends won't convince any of us you're straight.

To the late movembeards: Good riddance, you pussy ticklers.

To the kid in my history class who farted during his oral presentation: That blows.

WOF ON mofos.

furever yours, N, J & K

To the TEP sophomore who grew out a Pringles ‘stache this Movember: Once you popped, the fun stopped.

To Skulls, who are now on administrative watch after a “party” with SK: Worth it?

To my anti–Semitic Chinese roommate who thinks the Jews control the media: Oh Mao you didn’t!

To the guy in our history seminar who never did the reading and thought he could cover it by endlessly spouting random knowledge: You taught us so much about Ancient Greece. Too bad the class was French Enlightenment.

To everyone on the 4th floor of VP last night: I'm sorry I can't stop queefing.

To my friend who wanted to poke holes in all of my condoms so that she could play with my baby: Please don't.

To my roommate who stopped dealing Adderall: Wait, I forgot what I was gonna say.

To the boy who defecated on the floor of the bathroom on my hall: Get your shit together.

Shoutouts:

To the Kappa Sig I spent hours discussing literature with: Maybe if you brought up Moby Dick, I would have considered bringing up yours.

To my German class: You are mein kampf.

To the girl wearing more perfume than clothing: Just because you smell like Paris Hilton doesn't mean you should act like her.

To all the JAPs studying abroad: Taking photos in front of various walls of graffiti does not qualify as a cultural experience.

To the recently closed Cream & Sugar: Is my Groupon for your special cupcake classes still valid?

To my little who asked me to choose between her and her ex–boyfriend: You can't give me what he can.

To the boy who vommed after sex: Too bad I can't purge the memory.

To The Odyssey: THIS IS SPARTA! To the boy with the really itchy scarf: You say Hermes, I say herpes.

To my roommate who taped the picture of a Victoria's Secret model to our fridge: In your dreams.

To the girl with the lisp: Wait, my Radian neighso are you in Zeta or Theta? To bor: I'm happy you have a

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

To the boy who bootycalled my parents at 2 a.m.: No, my dad will not come back to your house.

To the closet gay dating our friend: She totally matches your purse!

healthy sex life but my shattered picture frames aren't as thrilled.

To the PiKapp senior who told everyone I was prude: Talking big to your bros doesn't make you big where it counts.

To the freshman who thinks that sleeping with frat brothers will get you a bid: It probably will.

S T C E J E R The

We don't even know what you were thinking.

To Ernesto: Just do me already.

To the guy in the Houston salad bar: Stop throwing chicken at me. You look mean too!

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

Shout out to the girl in To Barman Sneaker Ears Opim 290 who seems to and Roast Juices (but not want to disapprove everyTom Jones!): You're the thing the professor says. I best. Ain't no mountain wish I could use you to dis- high enough to keep me prove that spontaneous tele- from you! Love, your Randy portation to the dark side Bro. of the moon isn't a far-off theory.

To my mom: look, I'm published!

To the junior girl who still talks with a baby voice: Pwease stop.

CRICKET. CRICKET. 19

: S T U O HOUT

S THE NUMBERS!

BY

at this h w t u o e 't figur y If you can ou should probabl y u is about… to a few about yo rd look forwa g. in in the spr

Shoutouts about… 12 10

shoutouts printed:

136

referencing 11 Shoutouts the Occupy movement referencing 4 Shoutouts the Penn State scandal

8 6 4 2 0

Semen

Vomit

Urine

Feces

bodily fluids

25

shoutouts submitted:

541

20 15 10 5 0

39%

Pi

60%

6

p ap

0

RAs

GAs

TAs

Professors

P

elders AP h Ka i p ZB pa S Ph T ig Sigi Delt m Ze a C SA te hi E Pi La ZT m LXA A Ph i AT Psi Sk O ull s

SK

Most referenced…

Shoutouts referencing Lord of the Rings

7

Shoutouts referencing Daily Pennsylvanian

5

4

XO Ow Tri ls d Ta elt ba rd Fij i SD SaT m Ca my s AX tle A’sO

3

8

TE

6

Seniors

4 3 1 4 34 105 7

2

PiK

9

Th e Th ta e Be os ta

12

Juniors

10

boys shouted out

AE

15

Freshmen Sophs

class

girls shouted out

Shoutouts referencing going abroad

Athletic team: Football Hard drug: Coke Academic department: Economics Non–Greek campus organization: Hillel Bar/Restaurant: Smoke's Dorm: Hill

4

Shoutouts referencing the UA hazing scandal

Shoutouts referencing Breathless, the most random we got

Shoutouts about Shoutouts Number of LGBT references Shoutouts referencing an explicit sexual act People who sent in different versions of one of their shoutouts Shoutouts with variants of the phrase “have my children” Shoutouts with variants of the phrase “get your shit together”

10 of these Shoutouts that ran) 0 (Number Number of Greek and organi29 pseudo–Greek zations shouted out Shoutouts with one– word punchlines

35

Number of non– Greek organizations shouted out