March 3rd, 2015

March 19 – 25, 2015 34st.com

march 19 LOL

VOTEFROMTHEEDITOR

2015 3 HIGHBROW

I tried to vote for Fossil Free Penn. And Penn told me I don't have a vote.

When I login to Penn's student election portal, a red note, complemented by a Benjamin Franklin photo tells me: “There are no elections currently available for you to vote in. If you are taking fewer than 3 credits this semester, for the purposes of this election you are part–time.”

Fact: I am taking three credits this semester. Not fewer than three credits.

I am by no means a part–time student. I am taking three credits so I can be overly involved in campus life. I am taking three credits so I can give Penn 34th Street without compromising my mental health. For Penn to tell me and the others who take three courses we can’t vote is, well, bullshit.

People take less than four classes for health reasons, for outside commitments, for campus commitments. People take less than four classes because they want to. That doesn’t mean we aren't equal to those who take four credits.

Courseload should not determine your citizenship of this university.

I’d vote to change this policy, but my vote doesn’t matter.

super spring break round up, overheards

4 WORD ON THE STREET technology

5 EGO

eotw caroline kee, penn funding

7 MUSIC LOL

LOL

LOL

the heydaze, taking back sunday

10 FEATURE poker

12 FILM tv survey

(Photo: Instagram @marniethedog)

14 FOOD & DRINK rum and mangina

LOL

LOL

16 ARTS

youtube meditation

18 LOWBROW lucky lowbrow

20 BACKPAGE

what would you change about penn?

YOU KNOW YOU CAN BET ON IT, BET ON IT, BET ON IT, BET ON IT (BET ON STREET).

THE ODDS THAT TROY BOLTON COMES TO OUR WRITERS' MEETING TOMORROW AREN'T GREAT. WE'RE HOPING THE CHANCE THAT YOU SHOW UP IS WAY BETTER. 6:30PM @ 4015 'NUT.

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief Marley Coyne, Managing Editor Ariela Osuna, Digital Director Ling Zhou, Design Editor Byrne Fahey, Design Editor Corey Fader, Photo Editor Galit Krifcher, Assistant Design Holly Li, Assistant Design Amy Chen, Assistant Photo Conor Cook, Highbrow Elie Sokoloff, Highbrow Katie Hartman, Word on the Street Randi Kramer, Ego Casey Quackenbush, Ego Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink 2

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Cassandra Kyriazis, Film and TV Orly Greenberg, Film and TV Clare Lombardo, Features Amanda Suarez, Features Caroline Marques, Music Amanda Silberling, Music Justin Sheen, Arts Molly Collett, Arts Rosa Escandon, Lowbrow Mikaela Gilbert–Lurie, Lowbrow Kimberly Lu, Backpage Mark Paraskevas, Copy Editor Sarah Fox, Copy Editor Pat Goodridge, Copy Editor

Mark Paraskevas, Marketing Director Giulia Imholte, Social Media Editor Rachel Rubin, Digital Designer Kyle Bryce-Borthwick, Video Editor Alex Cohn, Web Producer Mara Veitch, Web Producer

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief, at sternlicht@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581.

COVER PHOTO: Amanda Suarez BACKPAGE DESIGN: Holly Li

©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

Unless otherwise noted, photos by Corey Fader and Amy Chen

Contributors: Talia Sternman, Raquel Banks, Carolyn Grace

www.34st.com "Corey is the betchiest person on 34th Street."

HIGHBROW

A HUGE ASS SPRANG BREAK ROUND UP Welcome back from SB2K15. Your

tan lines will fade as quickly as the memories (read: blackouts) from PV. We say flaunt ‘em while you got ‘em. Highbrow has eyes and ears all around the world, and guess what? Hablamos español.

Don’t think a language barrier will keep any gossip away from us. Spring break lives ~forever~ in the Round Up. It’s Ukrainin’ men! Hallelujah it's—oh fuck, the police. A group of phine Penn ladies danced the night away in Barcelona this spring break. The gals were out until the early morning and found themselves on the beach with some Ukranian men they had met at the discoteca. After some consensual and sensual dry humping by the Mediterranean, the police had to intervene and break up the scene due to public indecency. Crimea river. Remember: when you’re by the sea, the seamen will come.

Talk about road raging. One lucky junior reconnected with a boy she had met at her high school prom, who also happens to be the current face of Ralph Lauren. Ride that pony, Quaker girl!

The two met up and indulged in nighttime vices as they fist–bumped (fisted?

IDK) and made out behind the DJ booth of Miami’s hottest club. The next morning, the underaged model asked our legal Penn friend if she would rent a Ferrari for him. Highbrow wonders if he stuck his key in her ignition.

Hit the clubs, not the floor. Highbrow hears that one Punta Cana partier got into a slippery situation over spring

break. After some aggressive pregaming, one sophomore girl lost her balance and face planted on the dance floor. Four concerned security guards walked over and escorted the girl outside of the club—tearing her wristband off once she was outside.

A helpful freshman accompanied the drunkie outside and assisted her in a nearby bathroom.

The freshman helped her pull trig while another partygoer ran around the club in search of coke, hoping that a little blow would sober up her blacked–out buddy #responsible. Once the drunk girl was finally able to lift herself off the bathroom floor, she attempted to re–enter da club. She tried to pay off the bouncers twice before being definitively rejected from the premises. Feeling defeated, the group left and headed over to Subway.

At least they all ended their nights with footlongs in their mouths.

Let’s taco 'bout sex baby. We hear that things got hot and steamy in Puerto Vallarta. During a day party, one Quaker charmed a bikini–bearing partygoer.

The duo split off from the party to get a little privacy—or at least they hoped.

They hooked up in a shower, but their intimacy was interrupted by nearby students filming them. Forget OCR; Kim K’s sex tape launched her career.

Highbrow already has a working title: Jalapeño Taco.

The party doesn’t stop in PV—it keeps going at the airport. While waiting for their return flight at the terminal, students bought a handle of duty free alcohol to celebrate a friend’s birthday.

The students split the alcohol into water bottles in order to smuggle it onto the plane. One thirsty traveler blacked out on the plane. In her drunken state, the girl began to haze boys from Lehigh

University sitting near her and forced them to drink her booze. Thankfully, no one was kicked off the flight and they landed in Mexico City for their connecting flight. Gracias a Dios.

But things got even more guackward during their layover. After a quick snooze, the blacked–out chica made a beeline to the crowded terminal’s charging station, where she proceeded to lift up her skirt—ass out—and pee all over the floor. In fajita the moment, one junior sprang into action and tried to pull her skirt down while avoiding splatter to the horror of literally everyone else.

Post–pee, the junior proceeded to puke in a cleaning bucket.* We usually go for tequila and lime—not Lemon Pledge.

The cops swarmed the scene and documented her passport and boarding pass info. Our fiesty friend finally fell asleep for a few hours, waking up right before she and her friends needed to board their flight. To everyone’s surprise, the girl was perfectly coherent—talk about a power nap! In order to board her flight to JFK, the girl had to pass a drug wipe down and a physical inspection.

Miraculously, she passed both and was welcomed on to the plane by the cheers of the Lehigh boys. MiLehigh Club anyone? That’s what happens when drinking spirits in the SKYY. *Sidenote: This was one nasty section of the terminal. Sitting one row over, while our spring broken friend vommed, a dude fingered his granola girlfriend through her parachute pants. While being pleasured, the girlfriend took her man's hand of out her pants, smelled his fingers and then pushed his hand back down to her chichi. Mmm, nothing like the smell of stale coochie and puke in the Mexico City airport.

The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.

over heard PENN at

Honest sorostitute: When I'm drunk, I would probably give head to a homeless person.

St. Patty's Day enthusiast: Ugh, I want to make little leprechaun babies with you.

Girl who writes for the WALK: You have a somewhat high fashion look. And by that, I mean being skinny and wearing mostly black.

Apes bro in WilCaf: Don't you love love?

I fell in love with this girl over spring break.

We even had a gram together. But then she deleted it, and I'll probably never see her again.

(504) Side note:

When you go to the doctor's and they ask you how many alcoholic beverages you've had in the last week, "I don't remember" is not an acceptable response apparently.

MORE TEXTS FROM SPRING BREAK @34ST.COM. M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

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WORD ON THE STREET

word on the STREET

F

ive weeks ago, my computer crashed.

And I cried.

Take that in for a second. Some well–engineered pieces of metal couldn’t properly transmit the necessary electronic signals, and I cried.

I cry when I’m really stressed or when the dads in movies die or when Mandy Moore’s character in A Walk to Remember dies (because even though she told Landon not to fall in love with her, goddamnit, he did). But these are all moments of genuine human emotion: weakness, compassion, loss. When my computer died, I cried because I was afraid my sticky notes couldn’t be recovered. (If this is also a concern of yours, never fear! The guys at the Genius Bar know exactly where to locate them in your hard drive.)

Then, I realized I was crying about a fucking computer. I was upset because I thought I lost my resumes and cover letters, Canvas readings and class notes, iPhotos and iTunes music, random GIFs. All of these things, when I could no longer access them, seemed so consequential.

Every single aspect of my life connects, in some way, to my hard drive.

Which, until the moment I almost lost it, I felt I was too busy to back–up.

I’m the first to admit I’m technologically dependent. And I hate it. I hate that when I have time to kill, I resort to mindlessly scrolling through Buzzfeed listicles filled with Tina Fey quotes or pictures of pretty men, or my Facebook newsfeed, or pictures of clothes I cannot fit into, instead of readings one of the numerous books I insist on keeping in my room.

I check Instagram when I wake up and in between classes and whenever I’m bored (often) and right before I go to bed. I keep my class notes on Evernote so they sync across my devices and I can study as I walk to class. I surrender my photos to the great, unknown Cloud. My closest friends know I can only study with them if they are near an 4

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SURVIVING THE iPOCALYPSE

Most of us are attached at the hip (or fingertip) to our tech. This week, one student got a crash course in staying alive when your computer dies.

GIULIA IMHOLTE outlet because my computer runs out of battery so fast because of how often I use it.

It's not surprising, then, that my laptop is so important. I feel unwhole when my cell phone is not in my hand or pocket. I rarely use my first generation iPad because it’s incompatible with the newest software, but I take it with me whenever I travel. It’s unnecessary. It’s excessive. It’s obnoxious. I know that.

I’m just not sure how to change. I could take more notes by hand, but assignments, readings and course information will still be posted on Canvas.

Penn, along with most universities, will continue to integrate more technologically savvy educational plans into the curriculum. I could develop my photos, but lord knows I can’t scrapbook, so they would be relegated to hanging on the walls of my bedroom, rarely or commented upon or "liked."

So, how do I move on from this place where I need technology but am afraid of how much I need it?

I think it’s important to be friendly and say “hi” to people on Locust. I try to meet with friends and recount the events of the weekend in person. I prioritize catching up with friends from home via Skype or phone call, not just text. (I recognize all three are forms of technology, but the first two are arguably more personal.) I make a conscious effort to do all these things. And I don’t think doing them more would reduce the amount of technology I use.

Especially at Penn, it’s difficult to disconnect more without risking losing track of our assignments, job applications and extracurricular obligations.

That’s why it's all the more necessary to be aware of how much our lives are intertwined with our technology. It’s how we organize our days, remain informed about our world, keep up with our work and find ourselves relating to others. It’s hard to step away from. But that’s why I want to make a more conscious effort to try.

How Penn students feel about living without technology: “I’d feel like a caveman. Feel disconnected. It might be actually pretty cool because it would just be you and whoever’s around you, so you’re not distracted like you usually would be.”

—Male, Wharton ’16 “Refreshed.”—Bari Gordon, Engineering ’18 “I guess I would feel very isolated and very sad.”

—Dilina Abudurexiti, College '18 “It wouldn’t be that bad, actually. All I do is study anyway!”—Victor Adeleke, Wharton ’17 “I would feel better because we need to start taking time away from technology and learn what life is like without it.”

—David, Wharton ’17 “I feel like without technology, I would feel kind of alone because you’re not surrounded by this constant presence.”

—Cynthia Wang, College ’18 “I would actually love living without technology for a week.”

—Ali Richmond, College ’18 “Relieved so long as I know other people are managing my communications.”

—Anonymous, Wharton ’15 “Well if you go back far enough in time penicillin was consid-

ered, you know, advanced tech, so without that I would feel quite dead. But also fuck technology ’cuz all those

people who post pictures on Instagram are wasting their penicillin like we’re just gonna get a superbug and everyone’s just gonna die with lots of banana splits on the internet. What a waste of time.”

—Aaron Dardik, College ’17 Reporting by Talia Sternman

ILLUSTRATION BY AMY CHEN

EGO

EGO OF THE WEEK: CAROLINE KEE

Even if you haven’t seen this lady longlegs around campus, she’s probably seen you in her crystal ball. Whether she’s hanging with healers in the Himalayas or curing STIs, this St. Elmo witch has a dildo wand that will (pene)treat you.

Street: So you’re the co–chair of Natives at Penn. Tell us about that.

Caroline Kee: Natives at Penn is a really diverse group of people. It’s kind of like a small family. We do different cultural events, different Native American pow–wows. Everyone is different in terms of their heritage and how connected they were growing up.

Street: Do you have any Native American heritage?

CK: Yes! My grandmother is a tribal artist for the Choctaw.

I’m really close to my grandmother.

things. I guess I’ve always been kind of weird and into spooky things. If you walk into my room, I have all sorts of weird trinkets hanging and bundles of sage to smudge—that’s a Native thing.

Street: Can you define 'witch'?

CK: I always just think Stevie Nicks. She’s my role model.

Street: What’s one thing most people don’t know about you?

CK: For a long time I experienced sleep paralysis. It started when I would take naps and I would wake up and my eyes would open, but I couldn’t move the rest of my body.

Street: Can you tell us about the curation of the Street: Do you have a theory Native Ameriabout the sleep paralysis? can Voices CK: I think it’s my Want Penn exhibit? house. I think my house to fund your CK: After is haunted. I believe research? my sophoin ghosts. I live in the Check out more year, I Elmo basement now, page 6. got a CURF which is really weird. humanities internship, one of Street: Have you ever tried the research ones. I was at the to talk to ghosts?

Penn Museum and I did two CK: No, it’s more like I feel a weird things: I help repatriate presence. I felt it in the Elmo human remains to tribes, but room before. I felt it in my on the side, also helped curate bedroom. the Native American Voices exhibit.

Street: What does the presence feel like?

Street: What’s the weirdest CK: The Elmo one? It’s dark, thing at the Penn Museum? it’s not good. It’s a little more CK: I was working in the scary, like negative. The one at sub–basement, so the basement home? She’s really nice. below the basement. It’s really scary. I was looking for different Street: Can you explain your things that could be repatriated, experience in India in one and I was down there alone sentence? all of the time for hours. And CK: I did medical research, on the wall was written: “This and I ended up contracting five place is haunted, get out now!” parasites.

Street: Speaking of spooky shit, can you tell us about your role as Elmo house psychic and witch?

CK: Sometimes I’ll just sense

Street: What was the best part of India? Obviously not the parasites.

CK: Just being in the Himalayas. It’s a very unique, spiritual

place. People were so welcoming and friendly. My host mother really spoke no English.

I felt so welcome, even though I’m this 6–foot–tall blonde monster.

think the passionate faculty is wonderful.

Street: What do you hate most about Penn?

CK: The pre–professional pressure, the streamlined track. I’ve Street: So you got along with changed my mind so much, your family? and it made me feel completely CK: Want to know what’s inadequate. Especially really funny about India? You right now being a realize how universal human senior being like expression is, like laughing and ‘I don’t know happiness. Even when you can’t what I’m doing next communicate, it’s really weird year.’ I find the churning because you can still laugh at hamster wheel of OCR puts an each other. enormous amount of pressure on people who are not meant Street: Someone told us about for those type of careers. your “spider legs.” What’s that?

Street: Where do you see CK: Spider legs is when I’m yourself in 10 years? wearing heels. When you have CK: Working abroad in global really long limbs and you’re health, probably in women’s trying to dance, you look like a health. I’d like to be a doctor daddy longlegs. I think it’s really and specialize in infectious funny the way girls walk when disease. I really like STIs. That they’re wobbling around in sounds so weird. heels, myself included. I cannot walk in heels. I just can’t do it. This interview has been edited and condensed.

Street: Fill in the blank: There are two kinds of people at Penn.

CK: There are people who use air fresheners and Yankee Candles. And there are people who burn sage and incense.

Street: Describe yourself in three words.

CK: Hedonistic, spacey, creature.

Street: If you are what you eat, what would you be?

CK: Miso soup.

Street: What do you love most about Penn?

CK: I love how supportive Penn is of independent learning. I never thought my independent projects and ideas would be so doable—not that an HSOC thesis was easy, by any means. I

From: Alexandria, Virginia/ Sydney, Australia Age: 22 Activities: St. Elmo, Elmo Philanthropy Chair 2012-2013, Natives at Penn Co-Chair, Penn Museum Native American Exhibition Contributor, Health and Societies Peer Mentor Major: Health and Societies with a concentration in Disease and Society Minor: Creative writing

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Did you know Penn would pay for you to do some really cool shit? These students figured it out, and had some incredible experiences. Check the CURF website for funding application deadlines—many are due this month!

School and year: College ‘15 Major: Political Science Funding/Award: Association of Alumnae Rosemary D. Mazzatenta Scholars Award, Civic House Public Interest Internship Fund under CURF Street: What was your project?

Joyce Kim: I had an internship at the Permanent Mission of the Republic of Korea to the United Nations, doing background research and policy work for the Legal Committee of the General Assembly.

[My assignments were] cabled back to Seoul and used to formulate Korea’s own policy work. I also served as Korea’s delegate on a forum for the Millennium Development Goals, where youth expressed their viewpoints on hot topic issues to members of the U.N. Street: What is your biggest takeaway from working with Penn funding?

JK:Penn has a lot of funding opportunities. You just have to keep your ears and eyes open. And when an opportunity arises, just follow up and apply.

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(Photo: Julia Hintlian)

(Photo: Joyce Kim)

PENN (FUN)DING

EGO

School and year: College ‘16 Major: Religious Studies Funding/Award: International Internship Program award (part of Penn Abroad) Street: What was your project?

Julia Hintlian: I studied and worked in a library at the birthplace of the Buddha in Nepal. It was up to me to figure out with my director what I was going to do for the six to eight weeks. I ended up working on preserving old manuscripts about Buddhism and Hinduism.

Street: Did you enjoy your internship program?

JH: The IIP program was incredibly rewarding. Penn set me up for something that was very challenging, but challenging in the best way possible.

School/Year: Engineering ‘16 Major: Bioengineering Funding/Award: Vagelos Undergraduate Research Grant under CURF Street: What is your project?

Kelving Wang: My project dealt with skin–mediated control of systemic immune tolerance. I work in the Department of Pathology at the Penn’s School of Medicine, and I’m looking at how this Vitamin D analog can reduce skin inflammation. If my research goes as planned, it can potentially be used as a compound to treat any type of inflammatory disease.

Street: What advice do you have for other students looking for grant money?

KW: Use the CURF website! A lot of the available grants are geared towards the sciences and mathematics, but there are several offered in different fields of the humanities. Many of these grants are awarded to multiple students as well, so your chances of getting funding are relatively high.

School/Year: College ‘16 Major: Political Science, concentrating in Political Economy Funding/Award: International Internship Program award Street: What was your project?

Aiden McConnell: I was working in Buenos Aires, Argentina with the Center for the Implementation of Public Policies Promoting Equity and Growth. The think tank works with the Argentinian government on projects ranging from military policy to budgetary oversight.

Street: What would you tell other students applying to IIP? AM: You’re allowed to apply to up to three different internships, so while you may not get your first choice you definitely have a shot at getting something.

MUSIC

HOW JESSE FINK KEEPS IT SEXY WITH THE HEYDAZE

(Photo: theinfatuation.com)

Street caught up with our teen heart throb, Jesse Fink, the charming vocalist of The Heydaze. Catch them March 20th at Union Transfer. He will be suffering from bacon withdrawal.

50 songs between last summer and February. We chose the all–around best five and went back to LA to record our first EP. We have two producers out there working on it now, and it should come out next month. Other than that we're doing shows right now. We're opening for Timeflies.

Or better yet, just a band.

guess I can give it a shot....If you're passionate about someStreet: Who would be your Street: What is the best thing and have a little faith, dream opener? thing you learned at Penn? you should go outside your JF: Sarah Lindstedt, which is JF: I learned that I didn’t comfort zone. We're young, lucky, because she's openwant to be at school. And the this is the time to be passioning for us on the 20th at the best thing that happened to ate and pursue it.

Union Transfer. me was meeting my bandmates.

This interview has been edited Street: So how did you and condensed. choose Sarah as your Street: Do you have any opener? advice for other Penn musiStreet: If you could go on JF: We've been friends since cians or even other college tour anywhere would it be? freshman year. We were almusicians?

ROSA ESCANDON JF: With two tours under our ways jamming. I love her And JF: We usually receive more I love her music. advice than we give, but now Street: Where is your favor- belt, we've covered most of the country. I would love to that we have a little success, I ite place to play in Philly? do some international stuff, Street: What is your craziest JF: We opened for Jesse Mcthough. I studied abroad in fan story?

Cartney at the TLA. It is a Australia and I would love to JF: We're starting to get some really cool venue. go back. super fans. I got a two–page, single space, hand written Street: So not Smokes?

Street: Do you guys conletter to my house the other JF: I was going to say sider yourself a boy band or day. We got a message that Smokes, but decided not a man band? two girls are getting our lyrics to. The sound system is not tattooed so that's pretty crazy. perfect. So no, but we have a JF: Man band. Definitely.

My sister is a big fan and Yeah, that’s a good G–rated soft spot for it. she sometimes calls us a boy answer. band. I guess we've gotStreet: We interview you ten a base of young girls Street: Oh, I am going reguys pretty often, what's and do some glam shots, gret asking this, but what is new since we last talked? but we aren’t a boy band. the hardest part of being a JF: When was that? I think When I think boy band, I sexy frontman? right before we played the think synchronized dancing JF: Tough. I don’t think of Gramercy Theater. We sold myself as too sexy. I guess out that show. It was a lot of like Nsync. We all play our balancing that aura with my fun and a lot of Penn people instruments and come from musical backgrounds. Little own perceptions of me. I came. In January, we took a less bubble gum and a little can’t eat as much bacon as I trip to LA. We wrote with a lot of people down there—a more rock influences. I guess used to. I really used to eat a lot of breakfast meats—burrilot of big writers and produc- if you had to call us someers. We wrote probably about thing, we are a band of boys. tos, too. Now I kind of watch Street: So how does it feel headlining in Philly?

Jesse Fink: It’s really exciting. The first time we played big time here was last year.

We were literally just talking about it yesterday. We're really proud. Last year, we were opening at World Café Live and now we're headlining the Union Transfer. That's big.

Philly is kind of our second home. So this feels like a homecoming show.

what I eat. It’s pretty shitty.

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MUSIC (Photo: Flickr user viviandnguyen_)

CLUB GOING UP ON A (TAKING BACK) SUNDAY Street: How did you guys end up playing two shows at the Electric Factory?

Shaun Cooper: We do really well in Philly. We kind of had

it in our heads that we would potentially do two shows. We love playing the Electric Factory. We’ve been there several times before and it’s always fun

Long Island legends Taking Back Sunday have had one hell of a career, loaded with drama, breakups and reunions. Street talked to bassist Shaun Cooper about where they’ve been, what they’re doing and where they’re going. Catch the back together band as they headline the Electric Factory on Saturday and Sunday.

to come back.

night.

Street: You and John Nolan left the band for seven years.

What’s it like to make a comeback?

SC: It’s been over five years since we came back, and time has really flown by. It’s pretty surreal. But I think we’ve gotten much better at working together. I think the first record when we came back was good, but we were still learning how to work with each other again. With Happiness Is we’ve started to hit our stride and we’re excited to see where the personal relationship and the working relationship takes us on the next album.

Street: Do you think you’re ever going to retire some material?

SC: We always change up our setlist, but we also wanna give people what they want. People want to hear "Cute Without the ‘E’" and we’ll probably never play a show without it.

Those songs are boring as hell to play in a practice room, but when we play them live every night, it’s a new experience every time. There’s such a great energy in the crowd and the songs take on a new meaning every night. It always makes it fun.

Photo: John and Nathan by Holly McCarthy, Denver April 1 2014

they need pop singles. They need to do that and that’s important to them. But with a label like Hopeless, they want albums. They want real records. It’s not about the single. It’s about the package.

It’s about putting out vinyl because they know fans of our band would like that.

Street: It’s that time of year again. Are you guys going to do Warped Tour?

SC: No, not this year. We’re doing some festival dates.

We’re flying over to the UK to do Slam Dunk and some other international stuff we have planned, but it’s going to be pretty low–key throughout the summer. We’ve done a lot of touring in the past year, so it’s time to get into writing mode.

Street: What’s it like to be on Street: What’s it like to play the Hopeless Records label the songs from when you since they have so many new weren’t in the band? artists?

SC: I definitely have a conSC: I think there’s definitely a This interview has been edited nection to those songs even lot of crossover, and Hopeless though I didn’t write them. is just so good with the viral RAQUEL BANKS I’ve always believed in what marketing and making people Mark [O'Connell, drums] and aware that your records are Adam [Lazzara, lead vocals] coming out. They’re run like and Eddie [Reyes, lead guitar] a well-oiled machine. It’s been have done, and what they’ve a very enjoyable experience brought to the songs. It was being on their label. They’re all fun learning those songs, too, music fans there. A lot of the because that’s something I people working there are the don’t really do anymore. When same ages as us and they’re very I hear songs and stuff, I don’t like–minded individuals. really want to go and learn the bass lines. It’s kind of lost its Street: It sounds pretty differmagic for me. It was definitely ent from being with Warner a new challenge learning Matt Bros.

Rubano’s bass lines. He’s a SC: With Warner, they have fantastic player, so it was a reto do different things. They’re ally fun challenge, and I really a major label and they spend enjoy playing those songs every a lot of money on things and 8

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5

MUSIC

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M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

9

F E AT U R E

F E AT U R E

Photos: Amanda Suarez 1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5

M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1

FILM & TV

Television: That thing you watch when you should probably be doing anything else. Surveys: Those things you fill out on Facebook when you should probably doing anything else.

This week, Street combined these powers of procrastination to find out what you watch. Here's what 225 of you had to say.

w

m

da.co

rtpan

lipa ww.c

NUNYA BUSINESS (1.3%)

GENDER BREAKDOWN We had a significant slant towards female respondents, so keep that in mind when you see how much people care about Scandal and Grey’s Anatomy.

73.3% FEMALE

26.2% MALE

7.5% 10-12 HOURS SPENT WATCHING 3.6% 12+ 0-1 TV EACH WEEK 18.2% Maybe we wouldn't all be so busy if we turned off 5-10 the damn TV (read: laptop) and did the work we 22.7% complain so much about. According to our results, 1-3 56.5% of respondents watch more than three hours 25.3% 3-4 of TV a week. To those who watch 12+ hours a 23.1% week: who are you and will you teach us your ways?

WHAT WAS THE LAST TV SHOW YOU WATCHED? FRIENDS HTGAWM (10) (23) PARKS & REC (10)

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8 PM • Multipurpose Room (first floor)

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8 PM • Cinema Lounge (in Van Pelt)

Student filmmakers: Submit your work by March 27

Films can be no longer than 8 minutes. All genres of films will be accepted to the competition. All entries must be submitted in DVD readable format. Each individual or team can submit no more than one entry. All entries must have been made in the 2014-15 year. See all submission guidelines and learn how to submit your film at:

www.collegehouses.upenn.edu/filmfest 1 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5

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FILM & TV

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW OF ALL TIME? FRIENDS (18)

UME'S FILM FESTIVAL:

BY THE NUMBERS

HIMYM (11) GREY'S ANATOMY (10) GILMORE GIRLS (10)

The festival is free. But if that big, fat zero doesn't have you convinced, we crunced some other numbers in the Wharton spirit.

30 ROCK (10) BREAKING BAD (9)

PRIMARY SOURCE OF TV Penn kids use Netflix. A lot. Shocker.

6.2% 6.

5%

HBOGO OTHER

NET FLIX

12.4% 15.1% %

8.4

51.1%

The apocalypse is nigh. Some creative, cinematic souls joined forces with some Whartonites to form the Undergraduate Media & Entertainment Club (UME). On March 20th, UME will present the annual Penn Film Festivalsponsored by SPEC Film and Theresa Pic Productions.

Head to the Platt Performing Art House to check it out.

The year the two feature films were released.

Life Itself is a doc about the life of Roger Ebert, and Mommy is a drama about a widowed mother raising her violent son.

HULU

ILLEGAL STREAMING SITES

LIVE CABLE

165 73.4%

2014

20

As in, March 20th, the date of the festival.

∞

6

2

Years the Annual Penn Film Festival has existed on campus.

Number of short films being shown during the festival.

Amount of Johnson & Johnson popcorn you can eat at UME’s Second Annual Film Festival—it’s also free.

NEVER GO UNPREPARED. TANNING PACKAGES STARTING AT $30

60 26.6%

NO

*SPECIAL PACKAGE UNLIMITED MONTH FOR $40

YES

DO YOU WATCH

GIRLS?

DO YOU WATCH

GAME OF THRONES?

YES

NO

36.9% 83 63.1% 142

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M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

FOOD & DRINK

BLIND TASTE TEST: RUM

Four (un?)lucky Penn students tried four different low to mid–range rums, and came to an inevitable conclusion: They all kinda suck.

DON Q CRISTAL RUM ($12.99 FOR 750ML) ON SALE! Emily: This is the situation where I’d say 'I can’t even taste the alcohol I my drink anymore.'

(Photo: www.crownwineandspirits.com)

(Photo: www.crownwineandspirits.com)

APPLETON ESTATE GOLD JAMAICAN RUM ($12.99 FOR 750ML) Emily, Wharton '17: It’s like I set my tongue on fire. And then maybe ate gravel?

Alex, College '15: Uncomfortably sweet, like a very awkward smile.

Ryan, College '15: Tastes like ass. A mouthwash good for an enema.

Alex: A slap to the face. Pretty harsh.

Ryan: Looks like vodka, kinda tastes like vodka. It’s not bad. I’d fuck with this. (Ed. note: He still spit it out.)

R!

NE WIN

Ho Sun: Is this vodka? I'd drink it straight if it was a late night, no–more–chaser–type situation.

SCORE: 6.5/10

GOSLING’S BLACK BERMUDAN RUM ($18.99 FOR 750ML)

SCORE: 5/10

Emily: I think they put this in my broth at Ramen Bar. It kinda has that salty soy sauce aftertaste.

(Photo: thecocktailgeek.com)

Ho Sun, Wharton '16: I would take shot of this at a Thursday pregame and pretend it’s good.

Alex: Tastes cheap and dirty, like a sleazy Caribbean bar.

Ryan: Smells like maple syrup. Tastes like toffee—a burny, horrible toffee.

Ho Sun: I would enjoy this when I’m eighty and can’t taste properly anymore.

SCORE: 4/10

BANKER’S CLUB GOLD RUM ($13.99 FOR 1.75L) Alex: Maybe Russians would drink this, when there’s no vodka.

(Photo: totalwine.com)

Emily: No bartender would serve that to you, even if you say, 'Whichever, I don’t care.'

Ryan: Doesn’t smell like anything. No wait, it has a pee smell. Tastes and looks like half–piss, half–Vlad.

Ho Sun: This is only consumed shamefully. There’s no other way to do it.

SCORE: 2/10 1 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5

FOOD & DRINK

STREET EATS MANGINA: DINING AT THE UNIVERSITY OF THE ARTS

Street decided to take a break from Bridge Café to try another on–campus dining option: University of the Arts’ premier dining hall, Mangia, affectionately called Mangina. Located in the middle of UArts’ Center City campus, Mangia is their version of Bridge, Commons and Hill, all mashed together, but cheap as fuck.

INSIDE THE MANGINA A lot of variety for not a lot of money.

MENU 1

• Burgers: Beef, turkey or vegetarian.

• Sliced steak sandwich: beef, chicken or seitan • Soft and hard shell tacos: beef, chicken or seitan • 2 slices of pizza: cheese, pepperoni, veggie or meat • Quesadillas: chicken, beef, cheese or vegetable All for $3.50+tax My initial reactions: – What the fuck is seitan? According to Wikipedia, it's wheat gluten. In conclusion, I can take a loaf of bread, remove the gluten and sell gluten–free bread and seitan at a huge mark up for each? #WhartonWheatTrickery – All for $3.50?! Fuck you, Bridge, and your $8 sandwiches!

Mangia doesn't make a great first impression. It's humid and greasy–smelling, for starters. But, we figured that out of three menus they offered, something probably wouldn't suck.

NATASHA DOHERTY

MENU 2

• Calamari and fries • Clam trips and fries • Fish and chips • Cheese ravioli with marinara and garlic bread • Pasta marinara with garlic bread • Baked ziti with garlic bread.

Prices vary My initial reactions: – They sure as hell like their seafood, but I’m no closer to the ocean than I was at Bridge. Perhaps not.

– Why don’t we get garlic bread?! ~jealous~ – What the fuck is ziti? (Ed. note: Forgive her ignorance. She’s British.)

MENU 3

• Turkey meat loaf • Baked fish • Bok Choy; all with mashed potatoes.

All for $3.50+tax My initial reactions: – Honestly, I’m glad none of these things are options at Penn.

Especially not at Commons. That's how food poisoning happens.

What I chose to eat: Chicken soft shell taco with salsa. It was tasty but could have done with some more salt. When I came in I was hungry, and when I left I wasn’t. It did the job, and that’s all a college kid can really ask for #missionaccomplished.

STORIES FROM THE ‘GINA

Reema, a freshman at UArts, gives us the rundown on Mangia, from the suggestive name to the bat problems.

THE NAME

“Yeah, everyone calls it Mangina. Mangia actually means ‘so eat!’ in Italian.”

THE ARTWORK

“The Hall next to [Mangia] is always filled with interactive installations and sculpture displays, so people normally eat and go hang out and play around the artwork.”

THE BATS

“A bat once got loose here. The staff locked it in a storage cupboard in the back and opened the window so the bat could fly out in it's own.”

Join Osiris Senior Society for Karaoke Specials for PENN STUDENTS ONLY! $5 Margaritas . $5 Nachos $4 Select Craft Beers MUST SHOW PENN ID. Thursday from 10-12

THE...PISSING MATCHES? “There have been a lot of big social scenes in there, publicized arguments and that kind of thing. There was one time this girl was bullying this other boy and he then wrote this huge Facebook status letting everyone know how rude and obnoxious she was…he walked into Mangia [later] that night and everybody in the room just unanimously stood up and began applauding.”

M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 5

ARTS

WE TRIED YOUTUBE MEDITATION SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO

If meditation is an art form, then YouTube meditation is the Picasso. Or that friend who makes excellent Snapchat illustrations.

For most of us, the YouTube experience consists of a downward–spiral into TV reruns, bad talk show clips and suggestions for weird shit based on your recently watched videos.

But for more serious internet aficionados, YouTube offers a place for self–discovery. Mainly through three hour guided meditation videos.

The videos are a bit different from the Vines or three–minute viral videos we usually watch. Viral videos are short and to the point. YouTube meditation is a healthy break from cat videos.

For the uninitiated, it may be helpful—though hard—to define YouTube meditation. The videos freely steal from myriad and diverse sources—including Asians and drugs.The instructions recommend headphones and usually require you to sit alone on

your bed, eyes closed, trying to think about absolutely nothing.

“Body Mind Zone” is just one video in the sea of YouTube accounts dedicated to the journey for spiritual fulfillment. Others include “Ultimate Relax Club,” “Spiritual Moment,” or any number of synonymous account names.

Each meditation account puts its own spin on the ancient art form: “Body Mind Zone” focuses on sleep and dream–like relaxation music, while “Make Your Future” has a more Asian– minimalist feel with abstract sound patterns in lieu of melody.

And people are buying into this meditation hype. On the most popular meditation accounts, six to eight–hour videos are uploaded weekly, usually garnering 80,000+ hits, with the most popular watched by over ten million.

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One could ask a lot of questions about the popularity of YouTube meditation, but most could be captured in a single interrogative: Why? Why do millions of people continually listen to eleven–hour videos on YouTube? Why do these YouTube accounts mupload tons of videos that all sound virtually the same? If YouTube didn’t limit video length to eleven hours, would people spend even more time plugged into meditation?

People listen for all sorts of reasons: to sleep better, to relax, to cure anxiety, to “see what dreams I can get from this.” It’s difficult to pinpoint what exactly makes these virtually silent, four– hour videos so worthwhile.

The only valid conclusion seems to be that listeners want some kind of virtual peace. It’s not exactly a conventional, silent peace, but rather a kind of ambient sound that gives calm.

To be honest, it works.

YouTube meditation gives you an avenue to reflect on your life outside the context of Penn. A day on campus always feels like you’re running from place to place, never considering what it’s like to be in the actual moment.

YouTube meditation creates a place for that. And it’s not just visiting that place; it's considering it. It’s at a space inside yourself that allows you to detox from everything that’s outside of your headphones. It’s just you and your YouTube account, and at a certain point between thirty minutes and an hour, just you.

I haven't made it to the 11th hour of listening yet, but listening for an hour feels significant. It’s a departure from videos trying to fight for your attention. It’s a different way of bettering yourself than the usual methods of clubs and academics at Penn in that it requires large amounts of doing “nothing.”

People always talk about escaping the Penn bubble and looking at reality outside of Penn. But YouTube meditation can help you leave Penn without ever leaving your dorm room.

JUSTIN SHEEN

34TH STREET

Dining Guide

Well Done and Juicy?

Anything’s possible in the Dining Guide.

Pick up your copy April 1st in the DP.

M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 17

LOWBROW

Wikipedia

Wikipedia

A Year Without Candy

HOW IRISH ARE YOU? Find out how Irish you are by seeing how many of these apply to you! Answer True or False to each one, and for good measure take a sip of the black stuff each time you answer True.

Chicago Now

You own a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" t–shirt.

(T/F)

You have kissed the Blarney Stone, or at least, kissed someone while stoned in Blarney. (T/F) You are currently a student at

Notre Dame. (T/F) Your name is Sinead or Patrick.

(T/F) You have been to Boston. (T/F) You have red hair (double points if the curtains matches the drapes). (T/F)

LOWBROW'S AS FAKE AS YOUR VIRGINITY #CATHOLICISM

You're going to that Flogging Molly concert tonight. (T/F) You know how to river dance.

(T/F)

impervious to psychoanalysis." (T/F)

You have puked into a green–colored river. (T/F)

You have yelled at a pregnant teen while carYou've danced in a river. (T/F) rying a Guinness. (T/F) Wikipedia

You're Catholic AF. (T/F)

You are a leprechaun. (T/F)

You've fought a man because he called your sister a manky stinker's bridge. (T/F)

You are not a leprechaun, but you have at least seen Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood.

Leprechaun 4: In Space is also acceptable.

(T/F)

During that fight you taught that bombay shitehawk not to You're currently a policeman in 1930s mess with the McNelly Clan.

America. (T/F) (T/F) Freud has called people like you "the only people who are

Bonus question: Is it the top o' the morning to you? (Y/N)

If you answered mostly true, you are probably Irish (and you need not apply).

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LOWBROW Mitchell Maps

AN INTERVIEW WITH A

REAL LIFE IRISH PERSON Lowbrow sat down with Angus Boyd, College '17, hoping to learn about Irish culture.

Street: Hello Angus, I am so happy to be doing an interview with you in honor of Saint Patrick's Day. Angus Boyd: Wait, what? Is that what this is for?

Street: Of course! We were so excited to get to interview a real Irish Person.

AB: Ah, yes, well you must have me mistaken then. An honest mistake, but I'm actually Scottish. From Glasgow.

Street: So where is that in relation to Dublin?

AB: In a different country.

stay.com

Street: So why do you have an Irish accent? (Ed note: This is where we get all "gotcha journalism.")

AB: I don't have an Irish accent. I have a Scottish accent.

I'm from Scotland.

Street: "Scottish" you say?

I'm sorry, I don't speak any Gaelic. Is that some sort of Irish river dancing term?

AB: The word "Scottish" is English. It means I am a person who hails from Scotland.

I do not speak Gaelic. I'm not sure if anyone does? Isn't it a dead language?

Street: I'll ask the questions here, buddy. So tell me a little more about your home country.

AB: Well, Scotland,

which is the country I'm from, as I've repeatedly said, is part of the United Kingdom, though that's been called into question recently. Our state animal is the unicorn. We're home to many famous castles.

Street: We heard that ecstasy was accidentally legalized last week in Ireland. How sure are you about this unicorn thing? Are we blowing your mind right now?

AB: No, because ecstasy is still illegal in Scotland.

Street: So are you excited for Saint Paddy's day?

AB: No. I'll probably be disappointed, once again, in my quest to find Nessie. Because I'm fucking Scottish.

TRUE I'M A LEPRECHAUN LIFE Kermit was right, it's not fucking easy being green.

When I tell you that I'm a leprechaun, you're probably picturing a little ole' man with a green suit. That and a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Well, check your gender norms at the door, because I'm a woman. And there's no fucking pot of gold anymore; the luck of the Irish ran out a long time ago. European financial crisis, anyone?

Deviant Art

There also seems to be this myth that if I'm discovered by a human, I'll grant you three wishes. Let me clear this up right now: I'm not a genie. Don't go rubbing me (you fucking perv). And don't pester me with your wishes. You wish for a million dollars? Well, I wish for the potato famine to end.

Stop comparing me to the Lucky Charms leprechaun. First of all, no, I can't get you in contact with him. Just because I'm a leprechaun doesn't mean that I know all of the other leprechauns.

Racism (Speciesism? IDK). That's like me asking if you could get me in touch with Ryan Gosling because, y'know, you're both humans so I figured you knew each other.

More importantly, most of us don't live the life of luxury that Mr. Lucky Charms does. We can't all be the face of a major cereal brand. I count my pennies and clip my coupons just like you do.

Blimey O'Reilly.

OTHER THINGS TO DYE GREEN Celebrate St. Paddy's day with more than just dyed–green beer. Lowbrow reminds you to be an equal opportunity green food–coloring user.

Yourself: Make sure you don't get pinched by adding 50 drops of green food coloring to your bath.

Soak for 15 minutes to really let the color sink in.

Your spreads: Everyone loves Nutella. Turn up the volume by mixing Nutella with green food coloring and then running around with a spatula and smearing it on your friends. Then say, "HA! You just got St. Patrick's Day Nutella Smeared!" Run away cackling.

Your stabby drugs: Heroin feels awesome (Ed. note: We assume.), but nothing beats the thrill of injecting your veins with straight–up, motherfuckin' food dye.

Your food: Ever had Irish Fries? No? The time is now! Douse your taters in food coloring for a soggy green delight!

Your Dranks: If you're on a diet, make it a dye-it!

Your low–carb, sugar–free, nonfat extra–air drink will taste SO much better with food coloring in it.

Trust us.

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M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

PICTURE B AC K PAG E

NOT SO PERFECT Our ice cube of a campus is finally starting to thaw, but parts of Penn still fucking suck.

Six students tell us the things they would change, given the chance. (Hotter weather and sex both make the cut.)

"The Penn bubble. It’s a cozy bubble, but people often forget that this isn’t. " anything like the real world.."

Vahid Hashman, Engineering'16

people rades— s actug n o versu phasis the em the numbers om the e g n a ch out e fr "I would too much ab ing worthwhil here who y h le t a care w g away some brilliant peop 6 in ny ally tak re are so ma the system." nia, Wharton '1 e a k r h J T o ia .

Kas class g to w t learnin s u j e r a

"Um, I would move it an platnick, to LA." ncoatllhege'16

"I wish people at Penn were more kinky. A little ex perim enting never hurt nobody." —Anon ymous, Colle ge ''17

2 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 1 9 , 2 01 5

"There should be a CrossFit closer to campus."

Aaron Rips, College '18

d en-free foo healthy, glut e or h m nc d re a f h nt stream of "I wish Penn of a consta d a e st oices they in s option alth food ch e h e h T . a zz plastic." fries and pi ll taste like a ll a h '16 g in in d ir, Wharton have in the Humayra Kab