February 23, 2012

February 23, 2012

34st.com

TRAVELING LIGHT The 3rd Annual

Issue

INSIDE: Detox Cleanses Penn eBay Finds The Art of the Mixtape

highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

february 23

FROMtheEDITOR

YOU'RE IN

2012

3 HIGHBROW

the roundup, word on the street, overheards, penn ebay

7

4 EGO

ego of the week, morning class survival guide

6 FOOD & DRINK

Classless

12

strangest cleanses, detox before you retox, drink of the week, just add this

8 FEATURE fiction issue

10 FILM

van pick of the week, classless, film reviews

12 MUSIC

mixtapes for every occasion, reviews of sleigh bells, tyga, and grimes

Artist profile

3

13 ARTS

booked exhibition, artist profile, andy warhol reinterpreted

14 LOWBROW

feb club by the numbers, modern fairy tales, top ten campus eatery slogans

“Every winter, the Dean of Admissions selects a small group of extraordinary students to receive a very special offer of admission.”

So begins Likely Letters 2016, the Office of Admissions’ latest offering.

As a sequel to Likely Letters 2011, 2016 expands upon the themes of its predecessor, featuring Eric Furda in some even more serious coats and people that you know that you were surprised to learn had gotten likely letters.

The sequel is a braver, more valiant effort. Whereas the first film didn’t dare touch upon such questions as “What is Likely?” the sequel tackles them head on.

The 2013 Class President makes a memorable cameo, pok-

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

,

8

eBay Traveling Light It takes 40 people to make this magazine. Come by and get your name at the bottom of this page.

16 BACKPAGE

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ing fun of his public persona and joking about how he speaks not three, but FOUR languages.

Even with its commendable performances and admirable gall, 2016 betrays some amateur production values — take the repeated stock footage of Locust Walk on a busy day. Hey Hosenball! For the fourth time.

Despite these shortcomings, 2016 is an inspirational, feel– good drama that at the end of the day makes for good masturbation material.

WRITERS' MEETING 4015 WALNUT 6:30 P.M.

excerpts from the fiction runner ups

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Elizabeth Horkley, Old–Fashioned Joe Pinsker, Mountain Dew Adrian Franco, Cosmopolitan Hilary Miller, Sex on the Beach Chloe Bower, Cherry Bomb Sarah Tse, Sake Bomb Laura Francis, Mojito Zeke Sexauer, Jagerbomb Paige Rubin, Jungle Juice Zacchiaus Mckee, Pina Colada Faryn Pearl, Dirty Shirley Ali Jaffe, Kamikaze Tucker Johns, Skinny Girl Margarita

Nina Wolpow, Lemon Drop Colette Bloom, Long Island Iced Tea Leah Steinberg, Mind Eraser Sam Brodey, Hot Toddy Frida Garza, Sangria Daniel Felsenthal, Warm Beer Alex Hosenball, Red–Headed Slut Ellie Levitt, Bloody Mary Megan Ruben, Fuzzy Navel Anthony Khaykin, White Russian Sandra Rubinchik, Black Russian Alexa Nicolas, Highball Lauren Reed–Guy, Egg Nog Ben Lerner, Rum Punch Patrick Del Valle, Mint Julep

34st.com Inna Kofman, Manhattan Patrick Ford–Matz, Sea Breeze Elena Gooray, Grasshopper Katie Giarla, Mimosa Cover Art: Faryn Pearl Contributors: Your Mom, Lin Zheng, Mike Scognamiglio, Dorian Mendoza, Sam Gorski, Sam Apfel, Christian Graham, Olivia Rutigliano, Shelby Rachleff, Stella Ying, Robert Holub, Kim Pinsker, Valerie Remitz, Lisa Horkley, Barbara Santangelo, Robin Bower, Patricia Tse

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Elizabeth Horkley, Editor-–in–Chief, at horkley@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898–6585.

To place an ad, call (215) 898–6581.

VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com "I'll be sober by the time we send." ©2012 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published

by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

BITCHIN' EBAY FINDS

BORING IS UNDERRATED

Need to break out of the Penn bookstore bubble? eBay’s your one stop shop for some… interesting Penn swag. Vintage, so adorable.

The ultimate present or guilty pleasure personal purchase, this Penn Glee Club CD from 1992 will rock your world. It might be good, but it just wasn’t enough to get them to regionals.

Hubba–hubba… Penn guys don’t really look like this anymore, do they? This 1908 Penn Track and Field poster will be there for you when no one else is.

Break us off a piece of that!

THEROUNDUP

at

Girl 1: It’s hard being single. Do you think I can Craigslist a snuggle buddy?

Girl 2: Yeah, if you want to get murdered.

Guy to friend: I’ll bursar your order if you give me cash. It’s how I embezzle from my parents.

Girl on Walnut: Excuse me! Sorry, could you take a picture of me with this homeless man?

Woman in Gia: He’s a man of many talents.

When people ask me what my husband does, I say “Oh, you know.

He’s a philosopher– barista.”

B

efore Penn, I can’t remember the last time I had a boring friend. I’m not talking about the kind of boring defined as “not interesting,” but rather the kind of boring friend who’s content with just watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days on your couch on a Friday night, while the rest of the world is at an Avicii concert. She’s not always looking to go party at the hottest bars or compete with you for attention. These are the friends that I never appreciated as much as I should have in high school. Boring never gets the credit it deserves, and I think it’s time it got some.

I’ve mulled over this idea in my head for quite a while. Maybe I was a bad judge of character in high school? Maybe people at Penn are just nicer? What could possibly be the reason for the drastic change from girls I used to call my bee–otches to ones I now actually call my friends?

I’ve narrowed it down to a couple of theories.

Maybe in high school I totes thought I was like super cool and obvs had to be mixed up in all the cray–cray drama. I mean, wouldn’t you want to be friends with a chick who faked a pregnancy to win back her boyfriend’s heart? So scandalous! Doesn’t that sound like the perfect plotline for the next season of Real Housewives? In high school everyone knows that the “normal” girls — the ones without a scandal or a drug addiction — aren’t what’s considered popular. Sometimes, I wish I could put my collegiate brain back into my high school body and show myself that boring is beautiful.

Or maybe in high school I had way too much time to freak out over my friends' problems. Holy shit, he what?! She got her ID taken away where?

OMG, she got fat! Why was I so wrapped up in other people’s lives rather than my own? Like Lindsay Lohan's character in Mean Girls so eloquently said, “Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling somebody else stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier.” Who ever said that LiLo didn’t have anything valuable to offer to this world?

But it could be that I've just grown up. Gone are my days of obsessing over who the “cool” people are, and how I should become friends with them.

As cliche as it all sounds, at Penn and in life, there is no cool crowd. On top of all the academic and job pressures, no one needs cool kid pressure too. Why relive college with the same insecurities?

So, if you’re still like me circa 2006, clinging onto some of those “friends” who seem to always be competing with you instead of supporting you, it’s time to let them go. Find someone who isn’t going into a friendship with an agenda. Those are the real gems, and those are the ones you’ll want around when nights at Smoke’s and Allegro are nothing but fond memories.

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

Highbrow is sooo pumped for SB12! Not. While Lowbrow parties it up in PV, Highbrow will be bored off our asses watching Downton Abbey and possibly giving The Hunger Games a try. You know, really living it up.

You know the Theta stereotype. Brown hair, wearing all black, from either New York or L.A., and so on. But they’re not all like that, you guys! In fact, the Theta blondes have teamed up and are having a dinner at a BYO to celebrate their, you know, blondeness? What a brave attempt to answer one of the universe’s greatest questions: do blondes really have more fun?

It seems like everybody’s been swept up in LINsanity recently, but Jeremy Lin for POTUS? Apparently, some people like the idea. Two students were spotted on Locust this week with a “Jeremy Lin for President” poster board, soliciting signatures from passersby, trying to gain enough to get him on the 2012 ballot. Hmm, seems like a long shot, guys. But who knows? The way this election has been going, he might not be so bad.

This cold weather has got everybody sick. But some people don't wait for the icky flu to self–medicate. That would be way gross. Highbrow hears one former sorority prez was seen chugging cough syrup at Elmo’s this weekend. A cup full of Robitussin helps the hipster music go down? That's not how the song goes, is it? Hmm… A few merry pranksters have been playing tricks on some houses, it seems. Residents of the Skulls chapter house and a place on Delancey have both woken up barricaded inside their homes recently. Forties, traffic cones, flowers and bottles littered the space outside their front door, requiring some careful manuevering before they could leave. But how can they be so sure it wasn't an art installation? God, everyone's a critic.

We hear Theta Xi pledges stirred up quite a ruckus at the Alpha Phi chapter house this week. The boys made some misogynistic remarks to the girls, saying things like "The best thing inside of you is me." When word got back to a certain Chi O VagMon, she wrote an angry email that put those d–bags in their place. We liked you guys better last year when you were annoying girls by using shaving cream instead of sexism.

over heard PENN

BY STEPHANIE RICE

highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

wordonthestreet

HIGHBROW

3

highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

EGO

egoof the week: RUANI RIBE This cheerleader is an awful liar, obsesses over the word “obsessed” and speaks out against the atrocity that is the Penn toast–throwing tradition.

Street: What’s your best cheer?

RR: “P–E–N–N, Let’s go Penn, exclamation point.” I used to be the exclamation point when I was a freshman.

That was the highlight of my Penn career. Now I’m big and old.

Street: Have you ever had a sudden urge to throw off a cheer pyramid?

RR: No, no, not at all. Once you’re up there, you literally squeeze as tight as you can and hope you stay up there.

Not hope, I mean. You usually do.

Street: Which two people, fictional or nonfictional, would you want in your pyramid?

RR: I think I would choose some sexy men. Maybe some

Calvin Klein underwear models underneath me — or on top of me — holding me up.

Like David Beckham. Oh my god, my boyfriend is going to kill me.

Street: What’s your guilty pleasure?

RR: Reality TV. I don’t watch anything else. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Real Housewives of O.C. … I feel like I’m friends with all them and invested in their lives.

Street: You’re stuck in an elevator. What do you do?

RR: Honestly, I’m such a freak, I’d just start freaking out. Maybe when that’s over I’d just start counting things.

Counting the buttons. The ceiling tiles. I’d imagine horrible scenarios, like in that James Franco movie where he

has to chop off his arm.

Street: Give us two truths and a lie.

RR: I have ancestry that traces to the Mayflower, I have a twin sister… and I love cotton candy. Do you want to guess the lie?

Street: Well, I guess the last one because you paused…

RR: Wait! I’m kidding!

They’re all true! I hate cotton candy. That’s what I meant to say.

Street: What’s your favorite Penn tradition?

RR: At the end of the games, definitely doing the “Red and Blue,” I just love watching all these people — especially all the old people, the 80 year–olds, getting out of the seats and standing up, and

hummus grill 34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

make it a feast!

4

they know all the words.

It gets me every time.

Toast–throwing, not so much.

Street: Why not?

RR: I get hit with it.

Pe o p l e sometimes cover the toast in mustard or jelly, but a lot of times we don’t just get toast, we get challah bread, Jimmy Johns, hoagie bread, bagels, pretzels.

It’s more like the carbohydrate toss.

Street: Are they aiming at you guys?

RR: Oh yeah. Oh, they

are totally aiming at us.

They like, sometimes ball up the toast and throw it.

Street: Have you’ve ever been hit?

RR: I h a ve , by toast. I tried to dodge it, you dodge one, but another one boomerangs. These things go in all kinds of directions.

You never know where it’s gonna go.

Street: Is there anything you’d like to say those toast–throwers?

RR: They need better aim!

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We never take classes before noon… but for those poor souls with 9 a.m.–ers, these tips are for you.

BY ALI JAFFE

Go to sleep in your clothes: Sometimes it’s physically painful to get out of bed, take off your warm pajamas and then change into your clothes for class. Be proactive. Wear your outfit for the next day to bed. Bonus points if you wear a jacket, too.

THE ONLY THINGS WE CARE ABOUT ARE NUGS, CHILLIN', AND GRINDAGE

Electric shock yourself awake: Step one is to acquire an electric shocking device. Best bets: a prank store, the Psych department or CVS. Then simply zap yourself every time you start drifting off to sleep. To be honest though, this would probably cause some serious psychological sleep disorders.

Water bottle of vodka: Going so hard at Blarney with a 9 a.m. class the next morning was not one of your wisest decisions. You’ve heard of “a hair of the dog that bit you,” but why make it just a hair? Fill your water bottle with vodka — you can't get hungover if you stay drunk.

Sugar shots a la Toddlers and Tiaras: “Go–Go Juice” and a handful of Pixy Stix seem to give those three– year–olds the sugar high needed to prance through pageant competitions. Who’s to say that tried and true method won’t give you the boost you need to stay awake in Statistics?

Paint eyes onto your eyelids: Put those Halloween face paints to everyday use. Carefully paint eyes onto your eyelids so that while you snooze in class, you look unblinkingly and creepily alert.

Go to class hungry: Sure, sure, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But an audibly–digesting belly is sure to keep you — and your neighbors — distressingly awake.

I NEED: A) A BIKE B) SERVICE C) PARTS D) ACCESSORIES

WE HAVE: E) ALL OF THE ABOVE

Keswick Cycle has everything you need to get going on two wheels. Stop by one of our 3 shops today!

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34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

Doodle: Studies have shown that doodling on the side of your paper actually helps you pay attention by forcing your brain to remain active, even when it's prone to daydreaming. Also, political science seems so much more bearable when your notes are surrounded by smiling kittens.

Underthebutton.com

highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

MORNING CLASS

Twitter.com/KeswickCycle 5

highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

FOOD&DRINK

JUST ADD THIS: GINGER WATER Water’s getting an extra element this week, and it’s not on the periodic table. It’s ginger — and we think it’s the best way to get your mind off Diet Coke and into the spirit of detox.

CLEANSE YO'SELF 5 Crazy Cleanses

BY STELLA YING

Raw Food Cleanse For a week of detox, only raw food or food not heated over 118 degrees is allowed to be ingested. All foods need to be organic, sugar–free, and caffeine–free.

Pancha Karma

What you need: Water Ginger Peel ginger. Slice in half. Boil two cups water and add root. Turn down heat and steep 10–15 minutes. Pour into a pitcher and fill the rest with cold water, place in the fridge and allow to cool.

Why? Ginger is considered a detox agent — by breaking down fatty acids and proteins, it’ll reduce bloating and help with digestion.

This traditional Indian detox method involves meditating and ingesting Khichadi, a detox concoction made of brown rice, green beans and cilantro. Other elements of this regimen involve massaging clarified butter onto the temples, deep breathing and fasting completely with the exception of drinking coriander tea.

The Blueprint Excavation Cleanse Blueprint uses juices such as beet, wheatgrass and spicy citrus along with green/vegetable drinks to detox. Again, no solid food is allowed. Disclaimer — though this cleanse can be delivered to your doorstep, it's going to cost you… 75 big ones.

We'd recommend recreating it at home. http://blueprintcleanse.com/

The Martha's Vineyard Cleanse This cleanse claims it will help you lose 21 lbs in 21 days. It requires liquid intake every two hours (participants pick from selected soups, juices, etc.), accompanied by lymph drainage massages, liver flushes and coffee enemas for $199, just under half the price of a flight to Martha's Vineyard. http://mvdietdetox.com/

The Talon Aqua Cleanse

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

For $1,199.99 (without tax), the manufacturers behind this one promise that an electric current–filled salt water bath will rid your body of toxins. Apparently, the charged ions will rebalance cellular energy and make the water change color based on your level and type of toxin. We'd like to see this one. http://talonaquacleanse.com/

6

Explore your creative talents, become engaged in Penn's film community and win great prizes!

We are accepting submissions of films which will be screened in the College Houses over the course of four nights. Prizes range from $500 to $100 — not to mention the chance to screen your cinematic artwork in front of a large audience!

For complete rules for submission, please see the website below. The competition is open to all students of the University of Pennsylvania.

Submission deadline is March 19, 2012.

DRINK

OF THE WEEK:

GREEN SMOOTHIE

This is the drink you hear about but never have the balls to try. In the spirit of Spring Break, get some greens in your blender.

Ingredients: 1 cup kale 1 apple, chopped 1 banana Combine in blender. If the mixture seems too thick, add water. To cool, add ice.

On a mission to give our bodies a bit of a break before sending them on Spring Break, we had one of our Design Editors try out a detox cleanse for five days and report back on, well, everything. Here's what we had her do, and how it all turned out. Check out the full list of rules and restrictions at 34st.com. By Hilary Miller

Day 1, Friday

Day 4, Monday

Breakfast: A banana Lunch: Kiwis and strawberries from the Fruit Salad cart at 37th and Spruce Dinner: Quinoa with onions and mushrooms sauteed in olive oil and garlic, steamed peas, a dash of cold–pressed EVOO and basil pesto. Plus, a clementine for dessert.

Snack: Black olives Drinks: Water (lots) and Whole Foods fresh–squeezed orange juice What I did: Slept in, career fair, office hours, grocery store, worked on a paper How I felt: After the first day, I'm more tired than usual, though,it’s likely from my week, not my lack of protein. I feel a little nauseated after eating a few things I normally avoid and constantly make fun of my health–nut housemates for loving (read: quinoa). Otherwise, I feel well and my biggest hurdle is figuring out what I’m allowed to eat — not keeping myself from eating all of that leftover Valentine’s Day candy sent from home.

Breakfast: A Clementine Lunch: Cucumber slices and mushrooms with basil pesto Dinner: Homemade lentil soup (lentils, split peas, cold–pressed EVOO, garlic, onions and spices) Snack: Grapes Drinks: Water (lots) & fresh–squeezed orange juice What I did: Class, gym, work How I felt: All day, I felt very energetic and healthy. I woke up before my alarm and had a great workout after class. Unfortunately, the night ends with me feeling extremely nauseated. Truth is, I’m not the best cook.

Day 2, Saturday Breakfast: Honeydew melon Lunch: A smoothie (strawberry, blackberry, raspberry, blueberry, peach and fresh– squeezed orange juice) Dinner: Snap peas, sliced cucumber, broccoli and mushrooms with red pepper hummus Snack: Black olives Drinks: Water (lots) & fresh–squeezed orange juice What I did: Worked on a paper, visited the Morris Arboretum, saw a movie How I felt: I felt a lot better today than I did yesterday in terms of nausea and energy levels. However, I definitely felt hungrier and the raw veggies weren’t quite cutting it. I’m not going to lie, I wouldn’t mind a steak right now.

Day 3, Sunday

My conclusion: Restricted to just the basics, I whined through the temptations of dinners with friends and leftover Valentine’s candy. While losing eight pounds in five days didn’t exactly suck, I still think Kate Moss’s whole “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” thing is crap. I want chocolate.

Breakfast: An apple Lunch: Kiwis and strawberries from Fruit Salad Dinner: Steamed broccoli and cauliflower with frozen fruit for dessert Snack: Banana Drinks: Water (lots) & fresh–squeezed orange juice What I did: Class, lunch with friends, more class, work, meeting How I felt: I woke up before my alarm feeling awake and great (second day in a row, and this never happens to me). I even survived two three–hour classes without coffee — quite the feat. But honestly, at the end of day five, I do feel healthier.

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y !

@34st

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

Breakfast: Strawberries and kiwi Lunch : Black olive hummus with wheat–free gluten–free crackers Dinner: Steamed peas and strawberries for dessert Snack: Grapes Drinks: Water (lots) & fresh–squeezed orange juice What I did: Shopping for groceries, meeting, work How I felt: I felt pretty tired throughout the day and a bit headache–y at the end.

Nothing a few strawberries before bed couldn’t solve!

Day 5, Tuesday

highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

DETOX BEFORE YOU RETOX

Exp. Exp.3/8/2012 2/23/12

For Fast Delivery Call 215-386-1941 7

highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

Mikhail and I wake up late that Friday morning and find the book on the dresser and Jonathan gone. “I hate that book,” Mikhail says.

I read the back cover.

“Doesn’t really sound like your cup of tea.”

“Tea is a good idea,” Mikhail says. He goes into our apartment’s kitchenette and starts moving things around in the cabinet. I turn on CNN and look out the window, searching for a natural disaster, a secret mission, an explanation.

Mikhail slams the cabinet. “The motherfucker has taken all the tea,” he says.

“Well,” I say. “I guess he’s gone for good.”

Mikhail makes

coffee instead. He pours it into mugs that Jonathan must have washed that morning, and we drink it in Jonathan’s room, watching Anderson Cooper on mute, looking serious.

All day, we do things that are normal. At three, Mikhail goes to the lab to research condensed matter and run a review session for his undergrads. He is the most popular TA, he says, because he gives them a few extra minutes to finish their labs, and during office hours he is eager to debate the merits of different brands of beer. I try work on my thesis. Sometimes the artifacts of Brazilian hunter–gatherer societies give me great rushes of joy. Sometimes they do not.

Jonathan took everything in the apartment that was his.

I would have considered the plants our shared property, but I suppose overall he was unselfish. I dial his cell phone, but only twice. I’ve always hated people who beg.

That night, Mikhail steams

vegetables for Pad Thai while I sang it at a few of his gigs. I questions for office hours, or watch 60 Minutes. Once, when thought about asking him to re- pressing questions about Pilsner Mikhail first moved in, he men- cord it, just on his computer or versus Chodovar. He appears in tioned that he liked to cook, something, but I didn’t.” the doorway of my room. “Can and Jonathan said how much he “There is no recording?”

I?” he asks. liked goulash, and did Mikhail “Some chick probably has it “Can you what?” know how to make it. “I make on her camera phone.”

“Can I lie beside you?” excellent sushi,” Mikhail said, “It is better,” Mikhail says.

“Okay.” “and I have picked up some Ma- “Imagine only hearing the New He lowers himself beside, on laysian recipes.” Jonathan didn’t World Symphony once. How his back, arms at his sides, like ask any more questions about precious it would be. Do not he’s trying to make his body Eastern European cuisine, be- misunderstand me — I do not parallel to the edge of the bed. cause he didn’t want Mikhail to compare Jonathan and his syr“Did you love him?” he asks. think he was the kind of person upy ballads to Antonin Dvorak “Jonathan?” who assumes Eastern Europe- — my point is only the sublime “Yes.” ans only eat Eastern European ephemerality of music.”

“I don’t know. No, probably food.

“You have an iPod,” I say. not. We only even hooked up a Mikhail says, “Lena, I am “Also ephemerality isn’t a few times — and when we did, sorry for your loss.” word.” it was always while you were “He’s not dead,” I say. “Pre“Yes, well, I am greedy. But out, I know the walls are thin.” sumably.” still, there are some things bet“You are very considerate.”

“Yes, presumably. Where do ter not to drag around in a suit“Did you think we were in you think he has gone?”

“To find himself,” I say. “He would, right?

He’s that type. The only part that’s surprising is that it’s so obvious. You’d think he’d see that self–

By REBECCA LEVINE | ILLUSTRATIONS BY FARYN PEARL discovery shit as, I don’t know. Mainstream.”

“I too imagine that he has embarked on a hejira,” case. Leave it where it is, when love?”

Mikhail says. it is.”

“It is understandable,” “Hejira, huh? With potted The chicken simmers. He Mikhail says. “Girls are always plants?” adds chili powder. “I don’t re- falling for poet–musicians. He Mikhail tosses chicken, garlic member anything but the cho- plays you a song that he did not and lime into a skillet of oil. I rus,” I tell him. even write, and you swoon; he imagine him eating goulash, “Good,” he says. says ‘I feel a psychic connecas a child maybe, in a cold tion to Rilke and Bob Dylan’ apartment, state–run A week later, the Brazilian ar- and you are getting lost in his news on the radio, his tifacts are still uninspiring and dreamy blue eyes —” father reading aloud there is no word from Jonathan.

“His eyes are brown!” from Vaclav Hav- I suggested at some point that “Yes, of course, brown. See? el. we call his mother, who I think They are so dreamy that I am “He wrote lives in Rochester. Mikhail lost in them and cannot even a song pointed out that we have no tell you what color they are.” once,” I contact information and don’t “Did you leave some dreamy say, “Jona- know her last name. Jonathan girls behind in Prague?” I ask. than did, had once told us that all the “Of course,” he says. “I left I mean. women in his family keep their many things behind.”

Mostly maiden names.

We lie there for a moment. he just I lie on my bed, watching The room is warm. Then he c o v e r e d the news on mute, Bob Dylan says, “Are Eastern European Dylan and stuff, sounding tinny from my com- guys sexy?” but this one, he said I puter speakers. The apartment “I’m sure there are a few inspired it or something.” door opens and Mikhail comes somewhere who are.”

“Yes?” in, home early; the exam beHe laughs and elbows me.

“Yes. It was beautiful. He ing over, probably no one had I elbow him back. The news

ends, replaced by a show about multi–ethnic children who solve mysteries.

Another week goes by. I realize that the fair trade coffee shop where Jonathan worked hasn’t called asking where he is, so I call them. Krishna, the manager, tells me that Jonathan submitted his notice two weeks before he left. He did not tell Krishna where he was going, which is not surprising, Krishna says, because they were not close.

I take out the red plasticky folder where I keep Jonathan’s poems. He showed them to me one night, a while ago, and he asked me if I liked them and said I could have a copy if I

he says. “For my girlfriend.”

I realize how little I know about Mikhail’s previous life. “Really?”

I say. “So you’re a physicist who writes poems, what a catch you are. Did she like them?”

“She said — it’s better in Czech, but she said, ‘They simmer like stars.’”

“Shimmer.”

“Yes.” “Lucky girl.”

“Then she said, ‘I don’t need shimmering stars. I need a boyfriend.’ I didn’t write any more poetry and not long afterward she broke up with me.” loused hands.”

We watched Mikhail exchange numbers with the redhead. “What a wonderful world we live in,” Jonathan said.

“Yeah.”

“I want to take it all in. You and me, Lena, we should see this wonderful world.”

“First I have to see to some Brazilian artifacts,” I told him.

“Right,” he said. He looked right at me. “The thing is,” he said, “I want to see this wonderful world with you. I’ll wait. As long as you need.”

The redhead leaned over and kissed Mikhail’s neck. I’d seen Jonathan chatting up girls after a gig he’d played a few days before. The poems he wrote weren’t really for me. They were just words, uttered once, floating unencumbered somewhere in time and space, somewhere far in the past. Ephemerality, I thought. Such ephemerality.

TRAVELING LIGHT wanted. They were so beautiful and so sad and I wanted to tell him that, to say something that showed him I understood, but all I could say was, “Yeah. If there’s ink in the printer.”

I reread them and it’s like looking through a telescope at stars so far away they might be dead by now.

Mikhail gets home from office hours and preheats the oven. He looks at me. “Lena?” he asks. “Are you crying?”

“Only on the inside,” I tell him.

“Ha. I will make vegetable curry.”

I put the folder on the coffee table, which looks bare and exposed without the potted African violets that Jonathan took with him. I join Mikhail in the kitchenette and he gives me carrots to slice. “Did you ever read Jonathan’s poems?” I ask him.

“I wrote some poems once,”

“That’s harsh.”

“Yes, well. It was my fault.

I loved her, but not the right way.”

“What’s the right way?”

“If I knew that…”

We cut carrots in silence.

The night before Jonathan left was a Thursday. We went out, the three of us, to a concert, some sad indie guy Jonathan wanted to see. He ended up thinking the guy was shit.

We went to a bar afterward and Mikhail looked pained at the sight of their beer selection.

After a while, Mikhail wandered off to talk to a tall redhead in a silver skirt. Jonathan and I sat at a high table and he twirled a piece of my hair around his finger. He said, “Lena, you have the most beautiful eyes.”

“Original,” I said. And then, because I didn’t want him to look away, “You have nice cal-

A few more weeks pass.

Mikhail and I examine Jonathan’s room, considering using it for storage, or hobbies, or music, or something equal-

ly unnecessary, as if Jonathan were our son who has left for college and can bunk up with his little brother when he’s home for Christmas.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being is still on top of Jonathan’s dresser. “Why do you hate this book?” I ask Mikhail.

“I hate all Czech writers.”

“Even Kafka?”

“Especially Kafka.”

“I watched the movie version the other night,” I said. “I thought maybe it would give us a clue.”

“And?” “It didn’t.”

“I’ve seen the movie. It’s pornographic.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“It is thus an improvement over the book.”

I open the book for the first time. On the title page, there’s a note, in Jonathan’s handwriting, in blue ballpoint ink. A heavy feeling spreads from my wrists to my fingertips. Whenever I’m anxious or grief–stricken I feel it in my hands.

“Lena,” the note says, “Thought you’d appreciate this. If you don’t want to read

it, that’s fine, watch the movie instead, it’s decent. Make sure Mikhail renews his visa next month, okay? Don’t know why I’m telling you that, I know you will.

Take it easy, and always travel light— Jonathan.”

I turn to Mikhail. “He took his plants with him,” I say.

“That fucker. All I got was poetry that wasn’t even for me and the chorus of a song I can barely remember.”

“What kind of pretentious ass writes his farewell in a Kundera novel?” Mikhail asks.

I sit down on the bed. “I haven’t the slightest,” I say.

“Have you had a chance to buy more tea?”

“No, but I realized he left the Lipton, that cheap stuff, you know.”

“Okay,” Mikhail says. “I’ll make tea. And miso salmon.

I’ll put the kettle on but I need to run to the Asian grocery and buy more seaweed.”

“Okay.”

I put the book in the red folder with the poems. Then I turn on CNN, just in case, and watch for a few minutes, and when the kettle boils, I make us tea.

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

J

onathan left on Friday. He took his rolling suitcases, his clothes and his books, and even his potted plants. He didn’t take any of the cutlery or flatware, which was generous of him, because he and our other roommate Mikhail and I had decided we’d each take a third of that stuff, whenever we parted ways. He also left a copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being, positioned in the exact center of the top of his dresser.

highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

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Presenting the winner of Street's 3rd Annual Fiction Contest… Rebecca Levine

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highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

FILM

VAN PICK OF THE WEEK

CALENDAR (1993)

Atom Egoyan’s feature debut boasts the same ambition and poignant reflection that would come to define the rest of the Canadian vet’s work.

It follows a photographer traveling across Armenia with his wife and their driver, collecting images of cultural landmarks for a calendar company. Along the trip, the photographer notices a dubious bond developing between his two travelling companions. The film then cuts intermittently back to the photographer alone in Canada, after his marriage has indeed deteriorated.

Egoyan uses Calendar to constantly re–

envision the possibilities of motion picture storytelling, often treating his movie camera as if it were his character’s carefully composed still frame, or using footage from the trip’s camcorder as a portal into his photographer’s longing voyeurism and melancholic nostalgia.

It’s a film that’s innovative and experimental, but never to the point of inaccessibility. Throughout, it favors genuine emotional engagement over stylized self–indulgence — an important quality that’s often eschewed by many similarly inventive filmmakers.

— Christian Sarkis Graham

[Call Number: DVD 007 444] It’s real, it seems, in photographs.

FILM REVIEWS Act of Valor One can only watch Daniel Craig save the world and shoot a gun so many times. That’s why the concept of Act of Valor is so intriguing — instead of another big–name star, the core cast is comprised of eight active duty Navy SEALs. The film itself, however, has very little to stand on other than a few well–timed slow–motion explosions and an infectious pro–America feel. The plot is difficult to decipher, although it seems to revolve around a potential jihadist attack on multiple American cities.

The film skips locations from Somalia to Costa Rica to Mexico in a seeming effort to engage the audience not in any sort of story, but in the reality of Navy SEALs. That’s not to say that Act of Valor isn’t entertaining — it is, and the end is emotional enough to wet a few eyes. Overall, though, the dialogue is sparse and forced, the pace is slow and the acting, while theoretically real, is subpar.

For the effort, though, we salute you.

— By Shelby Rachleff

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

10

It’s surprising that Salmon Fishing in the Yemen actually has to do with other things: it's about a depressed ichthyologist, a consultant and a spin–doctor who fund the title’s impossible ecological venture to shroud military disasters in the Middle East (based on a popular political satire of the same name). It’s also got romance, comedy, action, terrorism, transcendentalism and lots of aquatic symbolism — everything, really, except any trace of the scathing, political, “Wag the Fish” indictment it should really have. Well–made and well–acted, it is heartwarming and wholesome, but for politically–inclined audiences, this is just an awkward red herring.

— Olivia Rutigliano

Dine-In, Catering & Delivery Happy Hour: Mon-Fri 5-7 Lunch Special: Mon-Fri $8.95 Early Bird: Sun-Thur $10.95

PattayaRestaurant.com • 215.387.8533 4006 Chestnut Street • University City

Under the hood with Penn's only student–run sitcom By samantha apfel

I

f you’re like me, you probably spend a lot of time avoiding work by trolling the internet, looking for funny videos to post on Facebook.

And if you’re like me, you’re probably getting a little tired of the slap–dash “Shit ____ Say” variations.

Kelly Diamond hopes you’ll give Classless a try.

Classless is Penn’s first comedic web series, and Diamond, a junior Cinema Studies major, is its executive producer — the “showrunner,” to put it in Hollywood terms. She has a hand in everything from writing to shooting to casting, as well as in keeping the all–student cast and crew focused.

“We have meetings every week where we usually read scripts, talk about advertising, and generally yell at each other about completely random things that have nothing to do with the show,” Diamond wrote in an e–mail.

“We’re all friends, so our writers' meetings tend to be hang–outs that include alcohol, food and more yelling.”

This camaraderie is evident in the programming it generates. Classless is a charming, goofy, ensemble comedy, walking a fine line between lampooning college campus stereotypes and embracing them. And it improves every episode, developing character specificity that will keep audiences invested.

The protagonist is Steven Green, who wants to establish a second student newspaper on his campus. Steve mostly serves as a foil for the more outlandish characters that work on the paper with him; for example, the “Single Ladies”–dancing

Ernest Owens, and the indignant Women’s Studies major (sample line: “I took a Taiwanese rape defense course for five years, and just with my pinky and my forefinger, I can rip off your dick!”) who speaks with the bored drawl of an over–privileged sorority girl.

Those who tuned in to the Classless premiere last year may be surprised at this new newspaper–centric conceit; originally, the show was about a student looking into sperm donation for some quick cash.

“It’s sort of an unspoken

Kelly Writers House. “My advisor is the director of KWH, and I went to him at the beginning of my sophomore year and told him I wanted to start a comedic TV show,” Diamond stated.

“He said, ‘Okay, here’s some money. Go do it.’”

Classless is an exciting prospect for college–age kids who may have grown tired of teeny–bopper TV but aren’t exactly interested in watching The Good Wife. Young adulthood is not frequently given the serialized treatment, and Diamond recognized an under–represented niche, as well as a lack of student groups devoted to creating such a product.

“I’ve always had an interest in screenwriting and film, but Penn didn’t have any clubs that were focused on creating anything in that medium,” she said. Diamond already had some experience in the field from working at Nickelodeon Animation studios and Mandeville Films, a production company run by a Penn alum.

Diamond also provided me with an amusing list of reasons Penn students should tune in to the next episode of Classless, which will air in about two weeks.

Lines like this one encapsulate well her show’s irreverent spirit: “Classless actors are even more sought–after than Tabard lunch boxes.”

Or how about this: “Classless will complement your dinner even better than an expensive box of fine wine.”

Don’t you wish your life could be this Classless?

B–ROLL: OSCAR SNUBS With the Oscars coming up this Sunday, Best Sound Editing speculation has surely started running rampant among your group of friends. Put those bets on hold as Street gives you the lowdown on all the saddest snubs this year. By SAM APFEL Michael Fassbender, Shame Fassbender seemed omnipresent this year, appearing in films as diverse as Jane Eyre and X–Men: First Class. But it was his breakout part in the NC–17 sex addiction drama Shame that caught audiences’ attention. Fassbender was captivating For more in the stoic, chilly role, making us snubs, check feel every hint of regret, hopelessness and doubt that flickered across online at his eyes. It was a performance that 34st.com haunts me even now, long after I've left the theatre.

highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

SO, YOU CLASSY, HUH?

"Our writers' meetings tend to be hang–outs that include alcohol, food and more yelling."

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

thing because it was really, really awful. It’s like the Voldemort of Classless — never mention it and pretend it never existed,” Diamond said of the first pilot, which aired on UTV. The current season, which debuted on October 26th, can be watched on their website or YouTube channel.

“The storyline we have now came about when I teamed up with a new head writer,” continued Diamond. That writer is Sean Kelly, whose face you might recognize from the many Pennsylvania Punch Bowl covers it has graced. Kelly is the humor magazine’s Editor–in–Chief, if you needed some convincing of Classless’s humor bona fides.

The show is funded by the

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highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

LOL

MUSIC

MIXTAPES FOR EVERY OCCASION Music trends may come and go, but if there’s one thing that’ll never go out of style, it’s the mixtape. You don't need to watch High Fidelity to know that a well–crafted mixtape can be the perfect romantic or platonic gesture. Follow our pointers and you’re sure to hit the right note in any situation. By SAM BRODEY AND FRIDA GARZA

You’ve got a friend–crush.

You just met so–and–so, and you’re just blinded by their infinite coolness. You know your next move could lead to weekly Sweetgreen dinners and pregames at your place. Show off your great taste without seeming like you’re trying too hard. You should include: o “Breaks” – The Black Keys o “Disco Infiltrator” – LCD Soundsystem o “Beard Lust” – Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head o “Meantime” – Givers o “Teen Creeps” – No Age

You’ve got a real crush.

Valentine’s Day just passed, but we know, you’re still pining. We’ve all been there, perusing the half–off candy aisle at CVS with that special someone in mind. All’s not lost; a thoughtful post–Valentine’s Day mixtape will — subtly — send the right message to your future squeeze. If you’re really bold, throw in some Barry White: o “Ready to Start” – Arcade Fire o “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To” – Weezer o “Cigarettes and Coffee” – Otis Redding o “How Come You Never Go There” – Feist o “Dilettante” – St. Vincent

You want to impress your American Poetry TA. Can't stop checking out your TA's Warby Parker glasses and wing–tipped shoes? Maybe you wanna bone them, or maybe you just want to talk Kerouac over a cup of Fair Trade coffee. Regardless of your intentions, you want to communicate (but not Pound into their heads) that you’re as literate and witty as they are. o “No Surprises” – Radiohead o “Enjoy the Silence” – Depeche Mode o “The Vowels, Pt. 2” – Why? o “The Shrine/An Argument” – Fleet Foxes o “The Man Who Sold the World” – Nirvana

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

Your old man wants to get hip.

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But not too hip. You want to introduce your parents to new stuff, but you don’t want to scare them — especially if the last album they bought was Guns N’ Roses’ Appetite for Destruction. Stay away from anything that fits the title “experimental,” “avant– garde” or “post–rock,” and stick to these (new–age) classics. o “Doncamatic” – Gorillaz o “Modern Guilt” – Beck o “I’m Amazed” – My Morning Jacket o “Little Cream Soda” – The White Stripes o “Home” – Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

Your best friend just got dumped.

And you refuse to watch them eat another half dozen tear–soaked Insomnia Cookies. You want to drag them out of that dark scary place and remind them there’s a world outside of Say Yes to the Dress reruns. Avoid the instinct to feed them break–up songs and give them some instant mood–boosters. o “Tongue–Tied” – Grouplove o “Feeling Good” – Nina Simone o “Kick Drum Heart” – Avett Brothers o “Silver Living” – Rilo Kiley o “Mean” – Taylor Swift

ALBUM REVIEWS REIGN OF TERROR — SLEIGH BELLS

Sleigh Bells’ highly–anticipated Reign of Terror starts off with an explosion: a screaming crowd, Alexis Krauss’s candy pop voice and Derek Miller’s bleeding guitar. On their second album, the duo give fans a grander, more developed sound instead of regurgitating their 2010 hit Treats.

They slow things down, add more orchestration and incorporate a melodic focus. Even with Miller’s omnipresent crunchy guitar, the group’s noise–pop sounds prettier than ever — in the best way possible, as if its edges have been softened. The band proves they haven’t lost their teeth: Sleigh Bells still electrifies, but with a more refined, all–encompassing energy.

— Dorian Mendoza CARELESS WORLD: RISE OF THE LAST KING ­— TYGA

Tyga has already made one full– length, but thanks to his mega–hit “Rack City,” Careless World: Rise of the Last King is effectively his debut into the rap mainstream.

The L.A. rapper doesn’t appear to have a distinct vision for the album; it wanders from lyrical rap to club hip–hop to R&B. If you can get past that, though, there’s a lot to enjoy here. “Kings & Queens” features Tyga and Nas shining on separate verses and, impressively, the upstart kid hangs rhyme–for–rhyme with the legend.

Despite a few low points (“Faded” with Lil Wayne is a disappointing single), Careless World is an outstandingly clever, fun rap album. Even with his impressive guest list, Tyga reminds us that he has the skill, presence and charisma to be the main event on this project. Give the impeccable “Rack City” just one listen — that’s rap royalty on the mic.

— Sam Brodey VISIONS — GRIMES

It is unbelievable that Visions, a phenomenal and complex pop album steeped with lush electronica, is a solo project. Montreal–based Claire Boucher was widely buzzed about after two of her prodigious tracks, “Genesis” and “Oblivion,” found early web exposure. Boucher's production of inorganic robo–beats hollows a deep space for her unique voice that is somehow both childlike and prophetic. A wide range of influences are at play, from Madonna to K–Pop, but Boucher is certainly no copycat. The eclectic ways she manipulates, loops and layers her vocal tracks convey true talent. This is the most exciting album yet to come out in 2012.

— Michael Scognamiglio

ARTS

ONE–NIGHT EXHIB(

BOOKED! The Soapbox 741 S. 51st St. 2/25, 6:30–10:30 p.m.

Free (donations accepted)

)

Head west on Baltimore this Saturday night to see literature go visual and audible in “BOOKED!” a participatory art show and read–a–thon all in one. Here's what the event entails. BY ELLIE LEVITT

1. Step into the story–writing center. The Soapbox (The Independent Publishing Center), which has collaborated with HomeSkooled Gallery for the event, guides you as you create a group story on the walls with clippings from books, periodicals and on–site additions crafted on the gallery’s typewriter. Unlike transient refrigerator magnets, this story will be permanently documented in a Soapbox zine.

2. Next stop — fort heaven! Slide into a two–person

tent, put on headphones and listen to a collection of voices reading short excerpts of their favorite books. When was the last time The Giving Tree was read to you out loud?

3. Creep into a darkened room, and view art with flashlights. The art was created by

local artists who were given the prompt “Naughty Reads." If a simulation of reading under the covers or peeping at inappropriate magazines doesn’t sound dangerous, we don’t know what does.

WARHOLIZE ME CAP’N

Contemporary artists reinterpret the iconic style of Andy Warhol.

Refreshments include alphabet soup, word cupcakes and wine.

Alexis Richards

Check out Alexis Richards's Artist Profile online @34st.com

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

BY LIN ZHENG Campbell’s soup cans, Coca–Cola bottles ­— such quotidian treasures are the type of imagery that the name of Warhol evokes. This month, the Da Vinci Art Alliance pays homage to the pop art legacy with their exhibition “Warholized (The Silver Show),” which commemorates the 25th anniversary of his death.

The show kicked off on February 4th with a panel discussion attended by Warhol’s nephew and niece, who awarded prizes to works such as Peter Seidel’s Lighters No. 4, a still life that shows the pure, brilliant beauty of light striking through colored transparent surfaces. The aesthetic philosophy of fusing lowbrow and highbrow was also apparent in other works, such Lighter No. 4, Peter Seidel. www.title-magazine.com as a digital print that rendered Raphael’s Madonna and Child in neon–bright hues and a "sculpture" of Warhol that incorporated found objects including a Warholized (The Silver Show) cat's scratching post as its base. Others drew inspira- Da Vinci Art Alliance tion from artist’s development of a creative personal- 704 Catherine Street ity.

The essence of Warhol was manifested in a three– Wednesday 6–8 p.m.

Saturday & Sunday 1–5 p.m. dimensional interaction in Alden Cole’s Doing the Warhola diptych. As viewers approach this corner www.davinciartalliance.org installation, they confront their own reflection repeated in a series of mirrors; the repeated visage is thus suggestive of one of Warhol’s silkscreened Marilyns and the impact of repetition.

Overall, 36 artists contribute to the show, and though each one reinterprets Warhol’s influence in their own way, the cohesive themes make “Warholized” a must for any pop art enthusiast.

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highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

LOWBROW

BY THE NUMBERS Number of times you've seen your freshman roommate

People who make Feb Club statuses

FEB CLUB

People annoyed by Feb Club statuses

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

2009

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2010

How much you want a Feb Club plaque

2011

How much you don't want to do Feb Club

2012

People excited to go to Smoke's

Freshmen

People interested in Feb Club

@34st

AND BEAUTY T: S THE BEA As Old A Tale As ggles Drunk Go

HANSEL AN GRETEL D : My Inter national Friends

CINDER E Let's Ge LLA: tS Shoes, B ome etch

WONALICE IN D: DERLAN rd hea Have you ? of Molly

1. Hummus — Chick, p(l)eas(e).

2. Greek Lady — You say gyro (jai-roh), we say $6.25.

3. Jimmy John’s — It’s 3 a.m. Do you know where you are?

4. City Tap House — We won't reject you for brunch.

5. Allegro — We no speak Italiano.

6. Sweetgreen — Light, medium or heavy?

7. Bobby’s Burger Palace — So many sauces, you’ll only eat ketchup.

8. Houston Hall — Eat now, pay never.

9. Tandoor — New Delhi’s just around the corner.

10. Copa — We’re open on Wednesdays!

PINOCC A Fresh HIO: man Smoke's At

SLEEPIN G BEAUTY : (917): W hat Hap pened L ast Nigh t?

D THE JACK AN LK: BEANSTA To rip My First T Woody's

34TH STREET Magazine February 23, 2012

CAMPUS EATERY SLOGANS

HITE: SNOW W es, etim But Som llow Snow Ye

highbrow ego food & drink feature film music arts lowbrow

nce upon a time at Penn...

15

AN EXCERPT FROM

The Little Room with All the Lights

by Ryan Sila

H

e watched her until she smiled for the first time.

The father smiled, too. He blinked back a tear, as the security guard filled in the hole with the foam piled around it and packed it in until it was a floor again.

The security guard nodded at the father as he stood up. His son was nowhere in sight, but the father wasn’t worried.

Surely one would find the other. The father strolled away in search of his son; the security guard smoothed out the floor, leaving no trace that it was ever touched.

The boy had moved over a couple aisles and was now in 1971. The father didn’t bother to tell his son that the doll he thought was G.I. Joe was actually Ken. Instead, he absentmindedly fiddled with an identical Ken from the shelf.

Why couldn’t he tolerate that song, and why did he have to change the station? Why did he have to take his wife’s car, and why couldn’t he feel the buttons on the radio without looking? Why was his son in the front seat, and why couldn’t he ask him to change the station instead?

“Daddy! What is this?”

“It’s an Etch–A–Sketch. We never got you one?”

Check out excerpts from the two runners–up from our fiction contest. Head to 34st.com for full stories and past winners!

FICTION ISSUE

The son snatched the toy back from his father’s hands and twirled the knobs. He was particularly amused when he shook it.

What the hell was he thinking when he took his eyes off the road?

“Can I go back?” the father asked, knowing the security guard would answer him.

“No.” The father had thought not.

“Your wife may not be here, but your son is, and he is quite happy. Join him. You can relax here.”

The security guard was right. His son was enjoying himself more than ever before.

“There’s only one place I want to be, and that’s with my wife and my son.”

“I understand, but this is the one place your son wants to be: here with you. Your wife cannot come.”

CONTINUED AT 34ST.COM

AN EXCERPT FROM

H

IOWA SKY

olly was drowning.

She was drowning, but that didn’t bother her very much. Her hands pushed through the water and she half– heartedly tried to go for the surface again, but the hem of her skirt was caught on something, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to rise. Iridescent spots swam in her eyes, the way they did when she stood up too fast after sitting for a long time; they mingled with the sunrays piercing through the surface of the lake, though, and she thought that made them pretty.

Her throat was tight and she coughed, inhaling grimy lake water. A shadow hovered above, frantically waving. There was screaming, and it sounded far–off and tinny, like she was hearing it through an aluminum can–and– string telephone line.

Zach couldn’t swim. He couldn’t save her because he couldn’t swim.

That was okay.

Her mind blanked, shorted out, and all she knew was the bright blue brilliance of the water all around her, and how it was the same color

RUNNER– UP

R U N N E R – UP

by Taylor Cook

as her bedroom when she was a little girl. ­— “It’s too bright,” her father said to her in the paint store. “You’ll get sick of it.”

She was 11, her eyes wide and her hair messy.

She resolutely pushed the chip she held into his hand, shaking her head. He sighed deeply.

“Fine,” he muttered. “But you can’t complain when you’re tired of it in two weeks.”

He went to the counter to pay, and she watched him, thinking that her mother would have loved that color. Blue had always been her favorite — light blue.

“Robin’s Egg,” she would say as they flipped through her picture books. “Azure. Cornflower.

Cerulean.”

They had passed by the Tiffany and Company branch on Fifth Avenue when she was seven, and her mother had pointed at the crisp blue boxes in the window and whispered “Powder blue” in her ear. They had giggled and her father had rolled his eyes impatiently.

In the store, her father paid for the blue paint and looked down at the floor, concentrating hard.

CONTINUED AT 34ST.COM