February 9, 2012

February 9, 2012 34st.com

The

all divided on

Western Front

what one intersection tells us about

west philly, penn, and gentrification

Vagina Dialogues Civil Disobedience in Commons Valentine's Guides Galore

february 9

FROMtheEDITOR

CRYSTAL BALL

I

2012

3 HIGHBROW

kleptomania, quest for a GBF, roundup, overheards.

10 Blind Datin'.

7

4 EGO

valentine's day gift guide, vagina egos.

6 FOOD & DRINK

blind date review, morning after valentine's day.

8 FILM

vday date ideas, the rock movie reviewed, van pick of the week, meeting corrigan.

10 FEATURE 50th & Baltimore.

12 MUSIC

dr. dog and of montreal reviews, frats play this not that.

DIY bookmark.

4

14 ARTS

DIY bookmark, artist of the week, material arts.

18 LOWBROW

celebrity look–alikes, passive aggressive translations, how to get out of pledging.

f you would have asked me a week ago to describe how I envisioned Madonna’s set at the Super Bowl to be, it would have gone something like this: Madonna appears perched atop a gilded throne, being pulled onstage by an army of strapping young Roman soldiers. Dressed like She–Ra (He–man’s sister), she totters precariously on her sky–high heels, moving to the groove of “Vogue.” She never falls, and she sings every line (no backup track for this old pro!). There are gymnastics. There’s a Richard Simmons look–alike who balances on a tight rope and works wonders with the low–angled cameras. Just when it looks like the half–time show will be ceded to the gays, gurl power back– up arrives in the form of Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. Right after M.I.A. gives

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

Happy Birthday, Joe,

“THIS IS WEST PHILLY. ‘University City’ is a marketing scheme.”

8

There are also some of us on staff who watched the football game that sandwiched the Madonna concert. Come hang out with all of us at…

20 BACKPAGE

2

the world the finger, Madonna one– ups her by getting the entire crowd to chant “cunt!” with her. Then Cee–Lo comes out dressed as a sparkly drum major and plays the black Jesus part in the “Like a Prayer” video. At this point, I become faint, overcome with emotion. The boys on either side of me have to halt their meticulous lip syncing and fan me furiously until I come to, just in time to see the divine lady disappear in a cloud of smoke.

Aside from the Vag–Mons shout– out, I would say I was pretty dead– on, no? I could have won big money in Vegas with that bet.

WRITERS' MEETING 4015 WALNUT 6:30 P.M.

love statues.

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Elizabeth Horkley, Dia de los Muertos Joe Pinsker, BIRTHDAY Adrian Franco, Father's Day Hilary Miller, Native American Day Chloe Bower, Bid Day Sarah Tse, Chinese New Year Laura Francis, Daylight Savings Zeke Sexauer, Election Day Paige Rubin, Groundhog Day Zacchiaus Mckee, Columbus Day Faryn Pearl, Discovery Day Ali Jaffe, Presidents' Day Tucker Johns, Veterans' Day

Nina Wolpow, Flag Day Colette Bloom, Black Friday Leah Steinberg, Purim Sam Brodey, Valentine's Day Frida Garza, Cinco de Mayo Daniel Felsenthal, 4/20 Alex Hosenball, St. Patty's Day Ellie Levitt, Arbor Day Megan Ruben, Thanksgiving Anthony Khaykin, December 12th Sandra Rubinchik, July 25th Alexa Nicolas, Boxing Day Lauren Reed–Guy, New Year's Eve Ben Lerner, Mother's Day Patrick Del Valle, Easter

34st.com Inna Kofman, Unity Day Patrick Ford–Matz, Independence Day Elena Gooray, Next Thursday Katie Giarla, Halloween COVER PHOTO: SARAH TSE

Contributors: Michael Scognamiglio, Ben Bernstein Jaycee Gruszecki, Jack Nessman, Robert Holub

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Elizabeth Horkley, Editor––in–Chief, at horkley@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898–6585.

To place an ad, call (215) 898–6581.

VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com "Wanna see a cool high five? Hilary, did I teach you the cobrastrike? ©2012 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a–okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

MY PENN ADDICTION: STEALING FOOD FROM COMMONS Let me preface this by stating that what I’m about to describe doesn’t quite count as stealing. I mean, yes, I know I paid for it with my overpriced dining plan, but still, for some reason, every time I put one too many apples in my backpack, or take a couple of bagels for the road, I just feel dirty — though that may just be the lingering effects of walking through Commons.

Regardless, every time I pass by the random assortment of breads, or the untouched bowl of oranges, I can’t help but think, “I might need this later.” Which is why, every time I get swiped into Commons (and awkwardly say “You too” after being told to have a good dinner), I take it as a personal challenge to fit as much food as I can in my backpack.

I’m not sure exactly when this habit began.

Maybe it was after being hit on not once but twice by different Commons employees. Or maybe it was when the “EXCUSE ME, WE’RE CLOS-

ING!” lady interrupted and ended the dinner I was having with the cute guy in my Chemistry lab. Or after being stared down by the scary cup lady on multiple occasions. Whatever. You get the point. I don’t like Commons.

Sometimes I like to play the “See How Much Strange Shit I Can Steal” game. I’ve taken pumpkins, Tupperware containers full of cereal and, one time, an entire chocolate pie. As I’m stocking up on apples, oranges, strange pastries, bagels and the occasional decorative green pepper, I feel empowered. I feel like I’m fighting “the man.”

Which man? It doesn’t matter. As long as I’m fighting him.

Just as the colonists rebelled against injustice, I too am fulfilling my daily quota of civil disobedience by rebelling against the injustice that is Commons. Therefore, when I steal from Commons, I’m not just filling my fridge—I’m being a good American.

THEROUNDUP

at

Tridelt: Wait, SMH stands for something?

Girl in Williams Cafe line: Where did you get those boots?

Theta sophomore: You know that ghetto shoe store next to Qdoba…

Bro: She knows my name but I don’t know hers, and we’ve been sexting for a week.

Hawaiian: In Hawaii, we say hi to everyone!

American: Well, in America, we don’t.

Soccer guy: Can you believe they actually put avocado on my focaccia grilled cheese?

THE QUEST FOR A GAY BEST FRIEND

BY JULIA LIEBERGALL

I

have given myself a mission. Nope, it’s not to finish my freshman year with a 4.0, nor is it to use all my meal swipes by the end of the semester, nor is it even to successfully get into Smoke’s. While certainly ambitious, those things play second fiddle to the most important task of my college years: finding a gay best friend.

Grace had one. Carrie had one. Fran Drescher has one now that her ex–husband is out of the closet (oh snap!). The gay best friend: a male companion with whom women can keep their most coveted secrets, especially about their personal and emotional insecurities. His honesty may be slightly raw — “Yes, sweetie, those pants do make you look like a suckling pig” — but are ultimately necessary. He’s always there for a good cuddle on the couch while watching The Notebook or Clueless. He’ll be sure to let you know that your attempts at mastering the “Single Ladies” dance are futile, because no one can be as great as Sasha Fierce. And when the Oscars are on? You won’t need Joan Rivers or the Fashion Police anymore, because you’ve got an expert sitting right next to you. And he brought low–cal snacks!

What makes a gay best friend more valuable than an average girlfriend, you ask? It’s as simple as this: he’s a guy! He's more fluent in pop culture and style than your heterosexual guy friends, and he still comes equipped with an instinctive male mind. He can be helpful in figuring out a hook–up’s mixed signals or a boyfriend’s enigmatic disposition. His opinions about clothes or hair are straightforward because he knows what guys like. And his gay–dar can be potentially life–saving (see: Fran Drescher).

But having a GBFF isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and “honey boo–boo child”s, either. Like with any friendship, there can be some harsh challenges. And while your gay best friend may be helping you with your own pressing issues (Gia Pronto or Sweetgreen for lunch?), his own concerns are far more complicated. Remember that he is living in a world that is oftentimes cruel and ignorant towards homosexuality. Though you may be overwhelmingly accepting, the fact is that many others are not. So next time he’s assuring you that “you’re so much hotter than those Theta sluts,” take a moment and ask him how he’s doing. Tell him that he’s amazing, courageous and unique. Confess your admiration of his bravery to be himself in what can be an unforgiving society. And let him know that just as he is there for you, you are there for him.

After all, that’s what friends are for.

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

Valentine’s Day is almost upon us, and campus is abuzz with heart– shaped preparations. Ugh. If you’re single as hell like Highbrow, don't fret. We hear gossip mends a broken heart.

Love is in the air! And in the men's room, apparently. One of the bathrooms on the second floor of Stiteler Hall has been deemed “one of the best anonymous gay hookup spots” on campus. Even the walls of this bathroom are covered with the names of various porn websites and phone numbers of seniors trying to hook up. Got no plans for V–Day? You know where to go…

AEPi's annual scavenger hunt this year was filled with dramaaaa. A source tells us that one of the items on the list was to flirt with a Wawa employee. Not a bad idea — it can get pretty lonely behind that sandwich counter. But the task went awry when the boys took it too far and a cop stepped in. Lucky for them, hitting on Wawa clerks isn't a criminal offense. No arrests were made.

We hear the AEPi boys rose to another pledging challenge — the cinnamon challenge, that is. If you don’t know what that is, it involves swallowing a spoonful of cinnamon and inevitably choking on it. YouTube it and prepare to spend a few hours literally ROFLing. Instead of the recommended dosage of a teaspoon, we're told the poor boys were given Solo cups instead. That's gotta hurt.

Our name’s Johnny Knoxville and you’re watching Oz make fools of themselves. We hear the Oz annual pledge–run Super Bowl party for their brothers this past Sunday was a big success. They even included a Jackass–themed halftime show to entertain the crowd. Sources tell us it was, like, the best Super Bowl party ever. OMG! Seniors, juniors and the occasional blessed underclassmen weren't the only ones getting wasted at Smoke's this past week. We hear Kweder was trashed during his weekly Tuesday set. By trashed, we mean even drunker than usual. Dude was even on the floor at one point. That shit cray.

over heard PENN

wordonthestreet

highbrow ego film feature music food & drink arts lowbrow

HIGHBROW

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highbrow ego music arts feature food & drink film lowbrow

EGO

LOVE, AND OTHER FACTORS

Giving your Valentine the perfect gift isn’t easy. Luckily for you, Ego's here to guide you through this relationship– determining event. Here's some advice based on when you met, where you met and how you met. BY FARYN PEARL Blind date: There’s no shame in being set up for a date by your friends or family. They just want the best for you, bud. Show your date that you just want the best for them (at least, in theory) by giving them a “promise ring."

It'll give them tangible evidence to show their matchmaker at the end of the day. Plus, the Jonas Brothers are so over at this point that promise rings should be hip by now. (Ring from Urban Outfitters, $20)

In high school: She's your childhood sweetheart? That’s so sweet. Why not get her a digital photo frame so you can display all those years of extracurricular PDA in one convenient spot? Also, when the inevitable breakup occurs, it’s much more environmentally–friendly than making effigies out of your old photo albums. (Coby DP700WD 7-Inch Widescreen Digital Photo Frame, $30)

Hookup: It’s near impossible to give someone a present when you meet cute and fuck cute in the same hour. Plus, you met at Smoke's — no offense, but your whole romance reeks of desperation. So do the bare minimum: buy that lucky stranger a drink. And don’t forget a condom… you don’t want a belated Valentine’s Day present on November 14th. (Free at Penn Women's Center)

A week ago: This is really great timing, man. Not only did you snag a date for V–Day, but you guys are still in the honeymoon period. Nice. Celebrate your lust with some assless tights for her and some nude–colored tighty– whiteys for him. Stay classy, American Apparel. (Buy the Baby Rib Brief for $12 Sheer Luxe Cut-Out Pantyhose for $22 at American Apparel) Feb Club: The birthstone for February is amethyst. Put that on your bling of choice, and suddenly meeting at Feb Club is not nearly as embarrassing.

(Legit amethyst is probably pretty expensive, man.)

OCR: You were supposed to find a job. Instead you found love. That was the plot of Moulin Rouge!, too, except without the tuberculosis. Show your commitment to each other and your commitment to finance with a set of personalized business cards. (Buy 250 for $10 at Amazon.com) Two months ago: Let's be honest; you're probably getting bored with the whole "dating" thing by now. Much like cramming for an essay the night before, you should probably just stick to traditional safe fare this Valentine’s Day before your plans become riddled with incoherency and Freudian slips.

Frogro’s got the flowers, Wawa’s got the chocolates. You know what to do.

A couple years: You guys are practically married now. Just propose already, you crazy kids.

hummus grill 34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

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You’ve probably seen them screaming about vaginas on Locust. It’s hard to ignore Mady Glickman, producer of The Vagina Monologues and former Street editor, and Tamar Lisbona, the show's director. Read on as they confess, among other things, that the infamous vagina suit was the best $20 they ever spent.

Street: What is your method for avoiding flyerers on Locust?

MG: Usually I’ll be like, “No, thank you” or I’ll just take it. Or if I’m just like really not in the mood I’ll be like, “Sorry, I’m on the phone.”

TL: I like to kill it with kindness. So if someone hands me a flyer, I like to engage them in conversation so that they get pretty awkward and leave.

Street: There are two kinds of people at Penn…

MG: People who haven’t seen our show and are offended and confused by our “Cunt” buttons. And those who have seen the show and think it’s funny.

TL: Inhibited people and uninhibited people. And I think inhibited people can become uninhibited people by coming to our show and opening up.

lived together sophomore year and I used to put up pictures of friends and people that lived in our house and other things I thought were cool and then I would write little blurbs for them that had the word “squirrel” in them.

MG: I forgot you did that. That was weird.

Street: Can you give us an example?

TL: There w a s something that had to do with an MGMT song I really liked.

“Ohhh squirrel.

Shock me like an electric eel. Baby squirrel…”

Street: What’s your guilty pleasure?

MG: Duh…“The Bachelor.” It combines everything I like: fake drama, dramatic music, severe emotional disorders…

TL: These are the things you like?

MG: Well in combination they're really funny.

Street: If you could write a show based on your life, what would it be called?

TL: My mom’s a gynecologist.

So I was going to say The Gynecologist's Apprentice and it could be about my mom and myself, maybe in the 1800s or something.

MG: Something about…

TL: Vags on a Plane.

MG: Nope.

Street: If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

MG: Guacamole.

TL: Brussels sprouts.

Street: What’s your female power song?

MG: Right now…anything by Beyonce. I would say “Love on Top.” TL: I think Lady Gaga is a super female — an empowering musician. Girl just does whatever and doesn’t really give a what.

Kinda like us, except we’re not wearing dresses made of meat.

MG: We’re wearing vagina dresses instead. Try that on for size, Lady Gaga.

Street: Describe the other person as a sex position.

MG: Reverse wet dog.

TL: Koalas on a mission(ary).

Street: Why should we see The Vagina Monologues?

MG: Because everyone came from a vagina, everyone loves vaginas, and we all need to support vaginas better. And we have a lot of cool ladies.

TL: We do have a lot of cool ladies in the show. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll think and contribute to a worldwide movement to stop the violence against women. Which, while we’ve been funny throughout this process, and while the show is funny, at certain points the movement really is serious. At certain points it’s important to talk about it.

La Fontana Della Citta 215.875.9990

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34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

Street: What movie title best describes your vagina?

MG: Shutter Island.

TL: The Hunger Games.

Street: What’s the weirdest thing about you?

TL: I love the word “squirrel.” A lot. I really like squirrels too but not really so much anymore.

MG: She substitutes the word “squirrel” for “girl.”

TL: Yeah. Like “she’s my squirrel–friend.”

Mady and I

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EGOOF THE WEEK: MADY GLICKMAN TAMAR LISBONA

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LOL

MUSIC

ATTN: PENN FRATS. PLAY THIS, NOT THAT. Are your partygoers visibly distraught when you play “Party Rock Anthem” for the 916719329th time? It’s not the jungle juice. Your music sucks. But you can make it better.

BY SAM BRODEY AND FRIDA GARZA

TAKE THIS OFF THE PARTY PLAYLIST:

ADD THIS STUFF:

1. Rappers who aren’t Kanye or Pitbull: OutKast. Tyga. Travis Porter. There are tons of great hip–hop acts out there who’ll add the perfect something to your party.

PLAY IT: “Rack City” by Tyga, "Make It Rain" by Travis Porter, "B.O.B." by OutKast 2. Remix it up: We’re totally onboard with taking good — but overplayed — songs and putting a new spin on them. Play some of these sweet remixes at your next shindig and you'll hear sounds of approval.

PLAY IT: “Pumped Up Kicks (Dubstep Remix)” by Dubstep Kings, “Levels (Remix)” by Skrillex, “Lights (Remix)” by Bassnectar 3. Don’t be afraid of indie: We’ve come a long way from Death Cab for Cutie… it’s not just sappy, acoustic blahs anymore. Throw a couple of these underrated gems in to the mix to spice things up.

PLAY IT: “Daft Punk is Playing at My House” by LCD Soundsystem, “Midnight City” by M83, “Hits Me Like A Rock” by CSS

• Any Britney Spears song I–I–I wanna go–o–o puke my brains out everytime these songs come on. Until somebody starts playing our girl's old–school hits (Hit Me Baby, anyone?) at frat parties, we're asking you to leave Britney alone off your playlist.

• Any Adele OR Adele remixes We love Adele as much as anyone (or the Grammys), but we're just Adele–saturated at this point. Seriously, it's bad when your playlist and CVS's playlist overlap.

• “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People We love this band's Cinderella story, but until their next album, we suggest you stick to the remixes. See left column.

• “We Found Love” by Rihanna This song is great for the first 30 seconds.

Then the handclaps come in and we tune out.

• "Levels" by Avicii Sometimes you get a good feeling, a feeling that you've neva eva eva had before. But we've been getting this feeling every weekend. And we're tired of it.

• “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO 'Nuff said.

HOT NOT

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

BE THE VOID — DR. DOG

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Philly–based Dr. Dog has consistently released enjoyable, if unambitious, psychedelic pop rock. Be The Void, the band’s seventh studio album, is another step down a familiar path, offering a slightly more guitar–heavy version of the same old thing.

Both the band and the album suffer from a lack of distinguishable style; most of Void’s tracks sound like B–sides from a My Morning Jacket album. Ultimately, it’s a perfectly innocuous album — a good soundtrack to a sunny afternoon at the Biopond — but nothing that will inspire repeated listening.

— Ben Bernstein

OR

ALBUM REVIEWS

PARALYTIC STALKS — OF MONTREAL

There are times on Of Montreal’s album Paralytic Stalks in which the sonic assault is so unabashedly irritating that you pray desperately for those few moments of catchy bliss.

Unfortunately, Paralytic Stalks is not only the band's most bitter record of late, but it is also its most experimental. Kevin Barnes still produces awesome lyrics like, “Once more I turn to my crotch for counsel and it won’t disappoint me.” But, unlike past records, he dwells on frustratingly cryptic topics of psychosis and loss with the musical dissonances to match. The few decent cuts don't make up for the unlistenable “Exorcismic Breeding Knife” and others that ultimately make this record an irritating listen.

— Michael Scognamiglio

DIY: <3 BOOKMARK

Give your intellectual Valentine a piece of your origami love.

BY ELLIE LEVITT Begin by cutting a square of paper 5 in. x 5 in. Then follow these simple instructions:

FOR FABULOUSLY PRINTED PAPER: Paper Source 1628 Walnut St. Paper on Pine 115 S. 13th St.

out an Check terview ed in extend mples of s and a Yates’s Lauren nline at “I’d definitely consider myself o poetry com. s a confessional poet. I usually 34 t. write about childhood, God, depression and unrequited love.

Warren Longmire, one of the founders of Excelano, says my writing has an ‘aww…shucks’ quality with a tinge of sadness in the background.'”

highbrow ego music arts feature food & drink film lowbrow

ARTS

15!

MATERIAL ARTS

Take advantage of the surge in unconventional media hitting Philly this month. With the city–wide event known as Fiber Philadelphia just around the corner, it looks like the Illadelph is getting a head start. BY MEGAN RUBEN

Art on the Avenue’s exhibition compiles a collection of textile–based works from around the globe. Spanning three continents, these garments and ornaments are the result of 45 years Courtesy of Art on the Avenue Gallery of travels and experiences of the gallery’s staff. Artists from South and Central America, Asia and Africa weave and embroider their stories into beautiful works that are profoundly personal in function and medium alike.

In Material Fiber Arthur Ross Gallery 220 S. 34th St. Tuesday–Friday, 10 a.m.–5 p.m.

Saturday–Sunday, 12 p.m.–5 p.m.

The first round of midterms is upon us and you’re looking for a culturally enriching procrastination experience.

Arthur Ross Gallery, located right next to Fisher Fine Arts, is calling your name with an exhibition Mi-Kyoung Lee, “Untitled” displaying works constructed from various fibers. From baskets made of hair to delicately woven banners hanging from the ceiling, these creations illustrate the surprising versatility of this unusual medium.

Crochet Rag Rug Workshop Cloth & Bobbin 235 Haverford Ave., Narberth Feb. 18, 10 a.m.–1 p.m.

Fee: $66.00 Visit www.pacrafts.org/workshops/rag–rugs/ for directions and to register.

Feeling inspired? Brighten up that drab dorm room of yours with a crochet rug. Better yet? Learn how to make one yourself! Flannel shirts are so last season, but rugs made out of your so– Courtesy of www.pacrafts.org last–season flannel shirts are so this season. Requiring around 10 yards of cloth and three hours of manual labor, this workshop will take your crochet skills to the next level, even if you’re just learning the basics.

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

Textile Art: A Lifelong Collection Art on the Avenue 3808 Lancaster Ave. Feb. 10, 5–8 p.m.

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highbrow ego music arts feature food & drink film lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

1950s

Services in 1965. College Advisor Molly McGlone explained the significance of PHOS to 50th and Baltimore as she sat across from me in McClelland Dining Hall in the Quad. As

for anyone who works here to move out to West Philly,” she explained. Offering a loan of up to $7,500, PHOS has simplified the home–owning process for faculty and staff in West

alleviate long commutes for faculty members. It addressed the need to retain faculty members and their families who might have moved out to the suburbs by adding a financial incentive

50th and Baltimore by frida garza | photos by sarah tse

a faculty member who lives on Penn’s campus, she said PHOS is a program that was created to attract Penn faculty to West Philadelphia.

“Penn is making it easier

Two former Penn grads coin the term "University City"

Philadelphia. The program began in the 1960s, after a decade of transition in the racial makeup of West Philly, in an effort to maintain a Penn community close to campus and

to owning homes in the neighborhood.

But anchoring Penn employees in West Philadelphia can take more than $7,500, especially in areas where homes can

1992 The Netter Center for Community Partnerships is established. It creates academically–based community service classes for Penn students

cost upwards of half a million dollars. There are other incentives as well. McGlone then mentions the Penn Alexander School, a Pre–K–8 school created by Penn. According to her, the chance to send your children to such a high–quality school makes living and working in West Philadelphia suddenly seem like a better idea.

50th and Baltimore is interesting then, she tells me, because it’s just a few blocks outside the Penn Alexander catchment. If your house lies in the catchment, your child can go to Penn Alexander, and the value of your house instantly goes up. Houses

along with other local organizations, 1997 Penn, creates University City District

Alexander 2001 Penn School opens

enjoyed Penn’s presence in the neighborhood. In recent years, widely–circulated bumper stickers have proclaimed: “THIS IS WEST PHILLY. ‘University City’ is a marketing scheme.”

The stickers call attention to the fact that two Penn grads coined the name “University City” sometime in the 1950s to attract Penn faculty back to West Philadelphia. And when University City District installed flags on Baltimore light posts, posters went up that invited community members to steal the flags and appropriate them as their own.

The problem, then, isn’t limited to safety. It's figuring out how people of vastly different backgrounds can share a space.

As long as Penn students are benefiting from living in the area, they should be concerned with its well–being. West Philadelphian harmony isn’t something that should be left up to housing loans and marketing campaigns, and Schneider agrees. “What is Penn besides an investment bank and a real estate development company?

We have to pay attention to our neighbors in the community,” said Schneider. The divide of 50th and Baltimore is, in the end, a microcosm that illustrates the nature of Penn’s presence west of the Schuylkill. It’s not clear yet what can be done to make sure that Penn and West Philadelphia’s bumper sticker– applying and flag–stealing locals can coexist. It is clear, though, as Schneider points out, that “We’re anchored here and can serve a stabilizing purpose in the city.” We just need to keep trying to figure out how to go about realizing that purpose.

Frida Garza is a sophomore studying English. She's from El Paso.

Penn gives $698,000 to Philadelphia School District for the Penn Alexander and $2,400,000 to the University 2009 School City District "The National Saviors of Our Cities: Survey of the Best College and University Civic Partnerships" ranks Penn as the "Best Neighbor" in the country

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

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Like any urban intersection, 50th St. and Baltimore Avenue is an amalgamation of different stores and walks of life. But for many who frequent the neighborhood that surrounds it, this intersection divides more than just the street. Here, Baltimore draws a physical line between two groups of people. 50th and Baltimore may be 10 blocks from campus, but studying it reveals a story of Philadelphian gentrification that stems from the actions and policies of our university.

The story of 50th and Baltimore begins with the creation of Penn Home Ownership

I decided to head out to the intersection to see this phenomenon myself. On a Sunday afternoon around 4:30 p.m., there were a handful of kids running around Cedar Park. The park lies on the southeast corner of the intersection of 50th and Catherine St., bounded on its south end by the oblique–running Baltimore Ave. It’s a small triangle of green contained between one commercial and one residential block of West Philadelphia; on that day, the park was filled with the sounds of children playing and mothers and sisters talking loudly, often shouting after the little ones.

The women, some in their 20s, others significantly older, hovered on the periphery of the playground. All of the kids were black, except for one white toddler. An older white woman stood in a green sweatshirt a few feet away from him, smiling to herself as she watched the wobbling infant.

Across the street, there’s a collection of brightly–colored storefronts, sporting everything from a bike store to a brunch spot to a well–lit microbrewery, all of which scream gentrification. Outside, couples and

friends sat on black metallic fur- there is a room exclusively firehouse. It’s the reason why niture, enjoying the food and for repairing and maintain- houses that fall within the Penn each other’s company. The ma- ing bikes. A couple of grungy Alexander catchment are more jority of these people appeared dudes in beanies stand around, expensive than those beyond to be white yuppies in their 20s laughing. Outside the room, it. It’s the reason why Baltior 30s. Most of them are dressed a father and his son pace anx- more Ave. got new streetlights in black and smoke cigarettes. iously as they wait for their bike installed, why bars and restauAll of them are on the south to be returned, hopefully in one rants that cater to affluence were side of the opened past 40th, intersecand why buildings “What is Penn besides an investment tion. like the Penn Bookbank and a real estate development com- store were built where there were pany? We have to pay attention to our once vacant parking F i r e - neighbors in the community.” lots. h o u s e Eric Miller, Bicycles, located on 50th St., piece. Occasionally one looks at Editor–in–Chief of Magnet wasn’t always a bike shop. It the other, but neither has any- Magazine, studied journalism used to be an actual firehouse thing to say. For a minute, all at Temple University in the building, one that had been you could hear is the sound of 1960s and remembers the way abandoned and left without a laughter from the repair room. race and geography collided on productive use. A community When I grab my bicycle and Penn's campus. “You know the group attempted to bring the turn to leave, no one tells me McDonald’s on 40th and Walfirehouse back into use as a spot goodbye or to have a nice day. nut? Back then, that place used for small, local businesses to set to be scary. No one really wantup shop. When this endeavor ed to go past that spot.” failed, more upscale businesses Urban Studies Professor Eric I nod, but wonder exactly moved in. Today, storefronts Schneider explained the theory who he’s thinking of when he like Satellite Café and Firehouse behind how 50th and Baltimore says “no one.” Even without Bicycles allow affluent crowds came to be as it is today. In the that knowledge, I recognize to eat brunch and peruse bike 1930s, homeowner loans as- the context of his statement. accessories as they please. sociations would look at a map Miller went to college at a time I walk my bike up to the col- and physically cross out the when the racial demographic in orful Satellite Café and a sign poor neighborhoods that they West Philadelphia was swingtells me that Firehouse Bicycles believed wouldn’t qualify for a ing from a white majority to is located on the second floor. A home loan. This process, which an even split between whites bright red flight of stairs leads to is illegal today, created a sort and blacks. There are a lot of a balcony and the adjacent bike of self–fulfilling prophecy: the important considerations when shop. older, more run–down neigh- talking about a neighborhood's Once inside the bike shop, I borhoods that required more changes, but it's fair to say that stand awkwardly in the front of capital in order to revitalize the area around McDonald's the store for a few minutes be- their housing stock became less is no longer as dangerous as it fore a young woman asks me if likely to receive it. It also cre- once was. If crime is the prishe can help me with anything. ated an opportunity for wealthy mary issue, then things have She’s young, with long, tangled white families who could afford improved. hair and piercings. Out of cu- loans to move in and improve “Students have benefited riosity, I ask how much a new on these neighborhoods. from the process of gentrificalock costs. The standard packThis is how the process be- tion,” said Schneider. He beage, she tells me, starts at $35 gan, and gentrification is a fit- lieves it “makes the community and the prices go up from there. ting, if loaded, term for the more interesting and safer for I thank her and ask if I can just transformations West Philadel- Penn students.” Schneider cites look around, mentally congrat- phia has undergone. It’s the rea- dropping crime rates to show ulating myself for purchasing son why 50th and Baltimore’s that homicidal hotspots are my lock online for $16.

Dock Street Brewery is next to no longer adjacent to Penn’s Near the front of the store, what was once an abandoned campus. But not everyone has

highbrow ego music arts feature food & drink film lowbrow

outside of the Penn Alexander zone are relatively less expensive, so poorer families tend to buy homes there. Even though 50th and Baltimore isn't a border of the catchment, Molly has still noticed a financial, and often racial, divide between the north and south side of Baltimore.

McGlone's husband Adam chimed in, “You cross the street from Satellite Café to Cedar Park, and there’s a clear difference.” The two visit 50th and Baltimore frequently. “On that side, there are no more hipsters.”

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highbrow ego music arts feature food & drink film lowbrow

FOOD&DRINK

THE BLIND SIDE

Two Penn Singles Get Happy at Fairmount’s La Calaca Feliz

LA CALACA FELIZ

666 Bemiston Ave. (314) 756–9893

$$$$$

DON'T MISS: White wine sangria SKIP: The guacamole. It's pretty standard.

The Daters: Kylie Gemmel hails from Washington, D.C. After spending last fall in Sydney, Australia, she’s back in full swing as TriDelt’s newest president. Don’t get her wrong, though, this sorority girl says she loves a good GDI. “I have this terrible habit of choosing people based on the comedy of the situation, which never turns out well. Actually sometimes it turns out okay. Like my romance with the Spanish bullfighter…” WHAT?! We might have picked the date, but we’re confident Kylie will take this one by the horns.

Brad Marvin is a senior ex–football player from Bronxville, NY. As a huge Patriots fan, he's still reeling from Sunday's defeat, but we're hoping he'll rebound on this setup. When asked what he looks for in a lady, this Whartonite says he keeps it simple. "I don't really have a type. I just like someone who is smart and a lot of fun to be around." Seems easy enough, right? We're optimistic that Kylie will be a homerun touchdown match for Brad.

First Impressions: KG: I was expecting Todd from Wedding Crashers, so I was pleasantly surprised. Brad’s an all–American boy next door, from New York, but refreshingly un–trendy.

BM: To be honest, I was preparing for the worst. But seeing Kylie I was very happily surprised. She was really cool and we both laughed about the ridiculousness of this whole situation. When she said she was the president of TriDelt I was a little worried she was going to be all about that, but it wasn't like that at all. She was down to earth and really funny.

The Restaurant: KG: The restaurant had really great energy. I loved the colorful murals, especially the skull imagery — very Dia de Los Muertos.

There was also a huge portrait of “The Most Interesting Man in the World” — from the Dos Equis commercials — hanging in the bathroom, so that gave me a good laugh.

BM: The location was a little out of the way, but once we got inside it was a cool little place. I couldn't believe how packed it was for just opening a few weeks ago. The tables were close enough together that we considered challenging the couple next to us to a boat race with our margaritas (we could have taken them).

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

The Service: KG: The waitstaff was extraordinarily attentive. Our waitress spent a few minutes walking us through the menu and making some really great suggestions. I know that the restaurant just opened, so I was impressed by the lack of chaos.

BM: They gave us great recommendations and free drinks, which is always a plus. The manager also came out and introduced himself, which was nice.

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Dine-In, Catering & Delivery Happy Hour: Mon-Fri 5-7 Lunch Special: Mon-Fri $8.95 Early Bird: Sun-Thur $10.95

PattayaRestaurant.com • 215.387.8533 4006 Chestnut Street • University City

The Food: KG: We had guacamole ($10) in this interesting stone dish shaped like a dog, Crab Fundido (jumbo crab, cream cheese, chives, queso mixto, $12) and pulpo skewers ($13). I had pescado skewers packed with swordfish, vera cruz sauce, roasted tomatoes, jalapeños and olives as my entrée ($22) and Brad had black bass ($22).

BM: We tried to go as ridiculous as we could. They were all unbelievable, but the crab dip was definitely my favorite. Big upgrade from my usual chicken plate. Our main courses were both so good, but neither of us could come close to finishing after doing some serious work on the appetizers.

The Sweet Stuff: KG: We were literally stuffed by the time the dessert menu came around. We didn't order anything, but our friendly waitress brought a complimentary treat over anyways. It was a sundae with caramel popcorn on top — gotta love the sweet/savory combo.

BM: I'm not a huge dessert guy, but the dish looked too good not to try. It had popcorn, ice cream and chocolate sauce everywhere.

It was great.

The Convo: KG: I told him pretty early on that my parents met on blind date. Probably a bad decision.

Conversation flowed just like our margaritas. Margs upon margs upon margs.

BM: The conversation flowed really well. And our shared interest in margaritas and sangria definitely didn't hurt.

Would you do it again?

KG: Yes. The food was amazing, but the drinks were even better! I definitely want to come back with some friends for happy hour and appetizers sometime soon.

BM: I would definitely go back there. The food was great and the people could not have been nicer.

We didn’t mean the restaurant…

KG: In one of our conversations, we debated the probability that Tim Tebow is actually a virgin. I guess we’ll have to meet again to get to the bottom of this.

BM: Yea, I had a lot of fun going out with Kylie so we'll see what happens.

Chocolate & Waffles

highbrow ego music arts feature food & drink film lowbrow

RATE THE DATE

BY NINA WOLPOW

Don’t know what to do with your last few Russell Stovers (besides throwing them at the TV a la Elle Woods, which we’re not discouraging)? Got a cheese grater? You’re in luck.

Use the grater to shave the chocolates down. Go all the way if they’re hollow, but stop short if they have fillings. Toast waffles, sprinkle with chocolate and leggo your eggo.

Eggos with chocolate are also a good idea for dinner, parties OXFORD COMMA and anniversaries.

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

What you need: Leftover chocolates Frozen waffles

@34st.com 11

highbrow ego music arts feature food & drink film lowbrow

LOL

FILM

LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE SHOW Need something to do this Valentine’s Day? Does spending two hours in a dark theater without any pressure to speak assuage your social anxiety? Then go see a movie this February 14th! Below, Film and Food team up to provide you with a guide to Philly Theaters and the eating options in the area.

By Daniel Felsenthal, Alex Hosenball and Tucker Johns

1

The Pearl Theatre at Avenue North, 1600 N. Broad St.

2

Ritz Five, 214 Walnut St. Perhaps the most well­­–known art–house theatre in Philly, Ritz Five is a hotspot for the newest independent and foreign cinema, as well as special screenings. Though not necessarily the cleanest or the most modern (note the lack of arena seating), Ritz Five exudes a certain charm, probably due to the kind, quirky staff. Just a couple of blocks away, Han Dynasty (5) 5 (108 Chestnut St.) serves some of the hottest and most inventive Chinese cuisine in the city. The portions are big, and the atmosphere is decidedly jovial, making Han Dynasty the perfect place to unwind after some of the Ritz’s heavier offerings.

3

The Roxy Theatre, 2023 Sansom St.

Positioned on the border of Temple's campus, The Pearl Theatre is (like The Rave) sleekly modern and (not remotely like The Rave) abnormally cheap. Shows on Tuesday are only $6 all day, and — lucky for you — Valentine’s Day falls on a Tuesday this year. After the movie, jump back on the Broad Street Line and get off at Spring Garden to try Route 6 (4) 4 (600 N. Broad St.), Stephen Starr’s version of a seafood shack. The lobster roll is fantastic, as are the oysters (one of nature’s most effective aphrodisiacs).

If nostalgia is your thing, head on over to the Roxy, an old–school two–screener on Sansom.

The chairs may be broken, the floor may be sticky and the sound may not be the best, but at least the Roxy won’t gouge you on ticket prices or concessions. So schlep on down to Center City for an evening distinctly lacking corporate grace and rejoice in one of the few bastions of mom–and–pop ownership in Philly. Right around the corner from the theater, Tinto (6) 6 (114 S. 20th St.) has a northern Spanish menu that represents Jose Garces at his most romantic. All of the plates are meant for sharing, and the wine list is among the best in the city.

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

Feeling adventurous? Try these …

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UA 69th Street 9, 53 S. 69th St, Upper Darby Take the Market–Frankford Line all the way west and you’ll be in Upper Darby, West Philly’s not–so–suburban border town. The theater is much closer than most Penn students realize, and the Valentine’s Day options in the neighborhood are abundant. Head to Rodeo Karaoke (7060 Terminal Square) for an authentic Korean karaoke experience. Or, right next door, Tomo Sushi & Sashimi offers some delicious rolls.

The menu is hardly adventurous, but sushi lovers will enjoy reliable versions of their favorite dishes.

UA Main Street 6, 3720 Main St, Manayunk The UA Main Street 6 is not, in so many words, special. Average in almost every way, this standard theatre lacks any distinguishing factor, save for its clientele. Known to be particularly vocal with their commentary, the patrons of Main Street 6 can make many movies more watchable, though vulgar language should be expected. Afterwards, take a stroll to the waterfront — even the Schuylkill could help purify your virgin ears — or head up Main St. to Agiato (4359 Main St.) for a casual, boisterous Italian night out. Grab a spot at one of the communal tables and share some of the city’s best paninis. We recommend the pancetta with arugula, tomato and lemon aioli.

In which Dwayne flexes sumptuously Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, the sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth, has 3D, bathroom humor and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

But what’s so wrong with The Rock? He’s a pretty likable guy, and the scene where he uses his dancing pecs to bounce berries off the screen is one of the most entertaining in the movie. While absurd and a little bit stupid, it’d be unreasonable to expect anything else. The storyline is shallow but leaves room for a frantic speed tour of Jules Verne’s mysterious island, which delivers predictable but satisfying thrills while shamelessly capitalizing on 3D effects. Journey 2 isn’t a great movie, but its artificial world is beautiful and engaging.

Kids will love it, and if you choose to see it, you can always say you’re going for Sir Michael Caine.

— Jack Nessman

A GUIDE TO RECOGNIZING YOUR CINEMA STUDIES PROFESSORS: TIMOTHY CORRIGAN Each week, we interview a Cinema Studies professor on their relationship with film. This week, meet Timothy Corrigan — a self–proclaimed fan of “the strange and unusual,” who also works in literature. Go to 34st.com for the full interview, and to see Prof. Corrigan's Oscar picks.

BY LAURA FRANCIS Street: What’s the strangest movie you’ve ever seen?

Timothy Corrigan: Well, I’ll pick a recent one because there are plenty of strange movies out there: Lars von Trier’s Antichrist, which came out a couple years ago. It’s so strange that for some people it’s unwatchable — a lot of really horrifying violence in it, a lot of surreal violence and a lot of intelligent violence.

Street: Why film over other forms of art?

Why did you choose to study it?

TC: One of the things that attracts me to film is that I think it’s a field that cuts across virtually every [other] field. There’s hardly a discipline, whether it’s law or economics, political science or literature, that doesn’t in some way engage film.

highbrow ego music arts feature food & drink film lowbrow

JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE ROCK

Full interview at 34st.com

VAN PICK OF THE WEEK

Combing through VP's DVD archives

The Platt House Theatre Fellow program presents

A Moderated Q&A:

The Impossible Game of Theatre with Pulitzer Prize winning playwright Paula Vogel

This pre–Fight Club David Fincher classic is the ultimate psychological thriller. Set in a hellish city in the not–so–distant past, this neo–noir follows two detectives as they search for a sadistic murderer that slaughters his victims based on the seven deadly sins. If you can stomach the gore, Se7en puts an artsy, creative spin on typical thrillers and — with the help of Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey, Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt — will have you sitting on the edge of your seat in suspense.

— Jaycee Gruszecki

Thursday, February 23, 2012 • 6 p.m.

Harold Prince Theatre, 3680 Walnut Street 215.898.3900

Paula Vogel

$5, free for students with ID www.vpul.upenn.edu/platthouse/theatrefellows.php

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

SE7EN (1995)

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LOWBROW

CELEBRITY LOOK–ALIKES Sometimes, our professors are so engaging and inspiring that we spend all of our class time wondering who would play them in a Hollywood adaptation of PSYC001 or ENGL115. Well, wonder no more — these stars have already agreed to the parts.

or SUZANNE SOMERS

as

as BARBRA STREISAND

BARBIE ZELIZER

THOMAS CHILDERS

STEPHEN REA

as or

as MERYL STREEP

WINONA RYDER

JAMIE LEE CURTIS

STEPHANIE MCCURRY

NILI GOLD

$$$ GRANTS AVAILABLE FOR YOUR GROUP $$$

as PAUL ROZIN

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

JOHN MALKOVICH

14

The Trustees’ Council of Penn Women (TCPW) is pleased to announce its 2012-2013 Grants Program and encourages members of the University community to apply.

as

Grants ranging between $1,000-$5,000 will be available to individuals or organizations which promote: • women’s issues • the quality of undergraduate and graduate life for women • the advancement of women • the physical, emotional and psychological well-being of women

STEVE JOBS

MAX APPLE

Favorable consideration will be given to projects that: • affect a broad segment of the University population • foster a greater awareness of women’s issues • provide seed money for pilot programs that have the potential to become ongoing self-supporting programs To apply, visit the TCPW website at www.alumni.upenn.edu/groups/tcpw/ and download the application from the TCPW Grant web page. Applications must be submitted no later than February 13, 2012. Awards will be announced in the Spring of 2012 and funds will be distributed in July/August 2012 for projects in the 2012-2013 academic year.

as ALBERT EINSTEIN

HOCINE FETNI

If you were dumb enough not to take the Spanish AP test in high school like Profesora Weinstein suggested, then chances are you’re stuck with a language requirement. Fulfill it right here, right now, with Lowbrow’s handy–dandy insight into the language of passive aggression. Fluency or your money back.

Roommate Theft

Hey, where’s the milk?

Did you finish it again?

Have you seen my wallet?

Or the 20 bucks inside?

Funny how the “A” rubbed off your AXO hoodie.

Weird how it still has my XO crest.

Feelings

No, I’m not mad.

I’m furious.

I’m glad we had this talk.

Can I go to sleep now?

Of course I’m not ignoring your texts!

I’m just ignoring you.

Communal Space Diversity

Wow, you come from such an interesting culture.

Your food smells like shit.

I’m gay.

But, don’t worry, I’m still not attracted to you.

It’s so nice how close you are with your family.

Does everyone in Georgia sext with their cousins?

Hey, do you mind not putting your feet on the kitchen table?

You’re tantalizing my repressed foot fetish.

I kinda like the cereal boxes where they are.

Because only I can reach them.

Did you and Mark have sex in the shower?

I may or may not have slipped on his cum.

Sharing

Mmm… That smells delicious.

Can I have some?

Oh yeah, I love it when your boyfriend comes over.

I just wish he wasn’t my ex.

I didn’t want to watch my TV show that badly anyway.

Wait, people still watch Gossip Girl?

highbrow ego music arts feature food & drink film lowbrow

THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE DICTIONARY

After 21, the next milestone is car– rental abilities. Hertz, here I come!

@34st

WAYS TO GET OUT OF PLEDGING 1. Ask Daddy to make a sizeable donation directly to Mr. P. Master.

Get a medical excuse, though we doubt anyone’s really allergic to humiliation.

3. You’re Jewish just like everyone else, but “um, that’s against my religion.”

4. Fake a pregnancy — thanks to the Surgeon General, those baby–toting fatties can’t do anything.

5. Rush Delta Upsilon.

6. Hide in Gregory. No one knows where that is.

7. "But I am le tired."

8. Get a mommy’s note. How could anyone be mean to her little pooky bear?

9. You know that weird helpless feeling you get when someone next to you cries? Now imagine being that someone.

10. Drop out of the UA.

2.

34TH STREET Magazine February 9, 2012

Exp. 2/23/12

For Fast Delivery Call 215-386-1941 15

Perhaps all you need is LOVE, but sometimes you may want a bit more. Here are some other Philadelphian sculptures that pair well with Valentine’s Day.

Homage to Georgia O’Keefe

Thom Cooney–Crawford, 1986 Through the arch of Steinberg Conference Center on 38th and Spruce.

Because we all know Valentine’s Day is an important day for paying homage to the female genitalia.

Caring

Ken Clark, 1982 In the small park on Addison and Perth St. This one commemorates a different kind of love — parental love.

Grow Old Along with Me. The best is Yet to Be Market between 39th and 40th

Worth a visit because it’s inspired by a line from Victorian poet Robert Browning, and isn't the sentiment sweet?

Eros/Psyche

Michael Nicholas Lekakis, 1980 9th and Locust, Southeast corner An abstract form of the eponymous Greek myth, in which the God of Love falls for the mortal Psyche. The keyword here is “abstract.”