Child of the Universe Montessori Mag Sept/Oct 2020

*FREE DIGITAL MAG SEPT/OCT 2020

Montessori can Change the World

35 Fine Motor Activities

JUST 4 FUN

Montessori Madness

Age Appropriate Chores

I want to use the Potty Mama!

ABOUT US

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8 ways you can use Montessori not just with your children …. and change the world

By Simone Davies Are you done with feeling like there is nothing you can do when all we hear are negative stories in the news, politics and media? Here are 8 ways you can use Montessori not just with your children …. and change the world.

As you maybe already know, I’m a self-confessed idealist. And I believe that we can spread more peace and positivity one family at a time. (A photo of me above where I run my Montessori playgroup and help families bring these principles into their homes.)

So will you step up?

Last time I wrote, I gave some ideas about how you can include Montessori at home, even if your child doesn’t go to Montessori school.

A reminder: • • • • • •

respect for the child – speak and listen as you would to an adult follow the child – trust your child will develop at their own pace allow time – when we slow down, there is more time for exploration, curiosity, conversation and connection set kind and clear limits – Montessori is also about respect to others, the environment and oneself and taking responsibility when needed create rich experiences – experiences don’t need to cost a lot of money. Head outdoors, walk to the end of your street at the child’s pace, go to a pond to observe, visit a fire station or (our family’s favourite) watching the trains, trips to the library to borrow books etc. involve your child in daily life – prepare food together, involve them as you do washing and cleaning, create gardening projects together, prepare for visitors, etc

• • • •

help me to help myself – our children are so capable so we help as little as possible and as much as is necessary observation – be a scientist and look at your child as if you have never met them before hands on concrete learning – rather than simply telling your child things or showing them how things work, let your child make discoveries for themselves set up your home for your child to have success – a place for everything and everything in its place where less is definitely more

If you’ve been putting these ideas into practice, then hats off.

But we are not done there. Can we apply these principles with others in our lives? Can we be an example to others and show what is possible?

It’s not hard. Most likely you are already doing most of this. Then keep spreading it far, wide, deep and many.

This is the way we can heal the world from the ground up, rather than waiting for politicians or corporations to fix things.

Here’s my challenge to you and your family to make a difference starting from your home…

1. Be an example to your child I often say that a young child having an absorbent mind is both an enormous opportunity and responsibility. Because our children take in how we act more than what we simply say.

Sometimes we are so busy “being Montessori” with our children, we forget to apply the same principles to others in our life.

We judge them for not having similar values. For giving iPads to their kids. For eating sugar or meat. For their religion, political views or sexuality. Or for how the grandparents interfere with our kids.

Montessori is about accepting everyone for who they are. And for every person on the planet to feel such respect.

I once wrote about how we are more alike than we are different.

It takes practice to take the perspective of others. To see that from their view, they are right.

And how can we find the common ground. How can we listen to each other to see what the other fears, and how we can help them in a way that works for everyone.

It means that we notice when we are judging and we stop to reflect why.

Let’s build bridges, not walls.

2. Be an example to others Sometimes it is hard to parent in a way that feels so different to the mainstream. I think the ideas are definitely spreading with the likes of Montessori, the RIE approach, gentle parenting, simplicity parenting, positive discipline and the like.

Yet it is still hard to change our ways when there are not that many examples around us of people raising their children in a respectful way.

So I’m asking you to be that example. To show others what is possible.

That you don’t need to threaten or bribe your children to get their cooperation. That it doesn’t have to be all about the kids, that you are a person too. That you can set kind and clear limits.

And slowly people will start to notice. There is a different way to be with our children.

Respectful, kind, caring, and yet where the child takes responsibility when needed.

I still remember my cousin coming to visit when Emma was a baby and Oliver a young toddler. I admit I don’t exactly remember what the dispute was over, yet I must have responded with some understanding and guidance and walked off to the kitchen. When I came back, my cousin said something like, “What did you just do? That’s different to how I would have expected you to react?”

And I told her all about Montessori…

3. Handle/speak to a child with respect The one thing that I hope parents who come to my classes take away is the way that I speak to and handle their child with respect.

Taking off a baby’s jacket, first telling them what I am going to do (“I’m going to take off your jacket”), wait a little for them to respond, then slowly and gently take off their jacket describing what I am doing (“First I’m taking your left hand out…”).

I love the idea of “using soft hands” if we ever need to handle a child.

And talking to the child in the same way we would want to be spoken to. With kindness and grace. And accepting our humanness.

4. Take care of the environment, others, ourselves I love in a Montessori home our children learn to look after the environment (water the plants, wipe up a spill, take their dirty plates to the kitchen etc), others (helping a friend pick up pieces, offer a tissue to a child who is crying, take care of a pet, serve a grandparent a glass of water etc), and themselves (learning to dress themselves, blow their nose, brush their hair, wash their hands etc).

And we can take this even further by volunteering with our family – for example, we used to visit a nursing home once a week and the residents loved seeing Oliver and Emma (a tiny toddler and baby) each week.

Or we could plant a garden. If we don’t have access to an outside space ourselves, we could look for a community garden, allotment, or do some gardening in window boxes inside.

We can model collecting waste, composting, taking re-usable bags, and buying less.

Showing care to our environment, others and ourselves.

5. Build a village When my children were small, I confess that I thought that their dad and I were the only ones “good enough” to look after them. It took some time before I realised that they need a village.

They learn so much from other people’s experiences. Their grandparents. Their aunts and uncles. Our friends. Car-pooling or going in a neighbour’s bakfiets (box bike) to school. Caring adults who can babysit, read with them, and share their hobbies.

And that as much as online connections are lovely, real in-person connections are the best.

It takes a village…

6. Take time I often hear that doing Montessori takes more time. In some ways it does – being mindful about creating our spaces for the child to have success, rotating activities that are engaging for them, taking the time to observe our children so we can see what their interests are and to help them navigate the world.

And yet this time can save us time in the long term.

By slowing down while our child learns to dress, saves us time as they dress themselves for so many years to come.

By allowing time for our child to process their emotions, saves time instead of it popping back up 5 minutes after the last outburst.

By going slow, our child feels safe, curious, with time to explore the world around them.

Cultivating a love of learning that cannot be rushed.

By having young children help in the kitchen, our meals will take longer to prepare (and likely be a little more mashed). Yet we are raising children who feel part of the family who make a contribution (rather than seeing these things as chores).

So as much as possible, make time now. And save time later. (Not to mention less battles with our children and more peace and calm in our parenting.)

7. Stay calm A father in my class told me that this Montessori way of parenting the child works really well when he is not tired. But very difficult when he is stressed, distracted or exhausted.

It’s so true. It’s so important as parents and carers to look after ourselves so we can look after others.

If you are looking for ways to stay calm, I wrote a bumper post here.

8. Learn from our triggers Lastly, I love the expression that there are no enemies, only teachers. If you’ve ever felt triggered by your child or someone else, it is often because this is an area we still need to work on.

If we are frustrated our child won’t listen to us, it can often be us wanting to control things or that we in fact are not listening to the child.

If we are angry at someone for letting us down, it may be that we let ourselves down.

If we are jealous of someone or something, it may be that it’s something we really want for ourselves. And something we could work towards.

So let’s say thank you for being triggered, shining a light on areas we can still grow.

— To me this is the true power of Montessori. Not simply beautiful activities and calm spaces.

But living by example and spreading peace and positivity.

One family at a time.

Is your child ready to use the potty or toilet?

With summer around the corner I’m getting more questions in class about toilet training and if I have any Montessori tips. So today, here is the approach I prefer when your child is showing interest in using the toilet.

“Learning to use the toilet is a natural process that begins when your child’s desire to be grown up and his neurological development have reached the point where he can control his bladder and bowels. We don’t train children to use the toilet, we support them when they are ready.”

(How to Raise an Amazing Child: The Montessori way to bring up caring confident children, by Tim Seldin) 1. A natural, gradual process Using the toilet is a very natural and gradual process that develops at the child’s pace, rather than when the parent decides the child is going to be toilet ‘trained’.

We can begin very naturally when the child is young, talking with them about their bodily functions as we change their nappy. It is a normal process and we can explain that everyone used the toilet to get rid of the parts of food that our body does not need. It is also a good idea not to give them a negative feeling towards these bodily functions, for example, by making faces when changing their nappy.

A potty can be available from a young age so the child can sit on it and imitate others in the household, even before they have bladder and bowel control.

Children often begin to be interested in toilets around 1 year old. From around this age, the child develops the physical ability to control their bladder and bowel but mostly they just want to flush the toilet or play with the water. The child can be redirected to a more appropriate place for playing with water such as the bathroom sink.

Then when the child becomes interested in dressing and undressing themselves, we can choose clothing they can manage themselves so they can learn to pull their own trousers up and down. Elastic-waisted trousers can be very useful at this time! As disposable nappies are so good at keeping a child dry these days, it can also be nice for your child to wear underpants or training pants around the house as much as possible so the child feels wet and dry. They begin to learn that it feels nicer to be dry and begin to hold for longer periods.

After this very gradual preparation and when the child is showing more interest in sitting on the toilet or potty, you can slowly teach them how to pull down their pants, sit on the toilet/potty, use toilet paper, pull up their pants, flush the toilet and wash their hands.

2. Give independence Once the child is showing interest in using the toilet and potty, the bathroom can be set up to give the child as much independence as possible.

If using a potty, it is a good idea to keep it in the bathroom rather than moving it around the house so your child can always find it The bathroom can also have a pile of cloths for cleaning, a bucket for wet clothing, and a pile of clean underpants.

The child can help by getting some dry underpants and putting any wet pants in the bucket. When a child has involvement in the process, the child has ownership of the process too, not the adult.

3. The adult’s role

“There should be no pressure, no reward or punishment, no adult deciding when the child should learn to use the potty. The environment is prepared and the child is free to explore and imitate in these natural developmental stages.” (The Joyful Child) It is best for the parent to support the child but not become emotionally involved. To assist the child in the process of learning to use the toilet, the adult can: 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Find ways to make the child feel confident, for example, a stool for their feet when using a toilet Incorporate toileting into the child’s routine. Offer the potty/toilet at times when the child normally pees, for eg, on waking, before going outside, after coming in from outside, after lunch/before nap etc.

Say “It’s time to use the toilet” rather than “Do you want to go to the toilet?” (the answer will always be no) or “I think you need to go to the toilet” (the adult becomes involved). As the child becomes more aware of their body they will be able to tell you, “No, I don’t need to go.” You can then say something like, “Of course, I know you will tell me if you need any help when you need to go.” You can also use an alarm clock set at regular intervals to remind them to go, “The clock says it’s time to use the toilet.”

Never force a child to use the toilet or potty Never scold or over-congratulate—going to the toilet is the most normal thing to do and we should keep it in its proper place, for eg, avoid clapping and celebrating Do not interrupt the child to use the toilet—for example, wait until they have finished their puzzle etc before offering the potty.

4. When they don’t make it in time…

If a child becomes wet, stay calm and be reassuring. Do not make them feel ashamed. You may wish to say, “I see you are wet. Let’s go get some dry clothes.” Your child can get them from the supply in the bathroom and even help wipe the floor and wash their hands. Let them change at their own pace and give help if they ask for it or if they are overwhelmed.

If they have wet clothes but they are playing with a toy, you can wipe up around them and wait until they are finished before suggesting you get some dry clothes.

Some issues can cause a setback to toileting, for example, the birth of a younger sibling, a divorce, or some other upheaval in daily life. The problem tends to resolve itself if the adult does not make a big deal about it.

Really the most important tip is to follow your own child.

I hope this information is useful. We love to hear your suggestions, questions and comments too – please share them on our Facebook page.

By Simone Davies

What Are Suitable Montessori Toys / Materials For 0-3 Years?

In line with Montessori philosophy here are some suggested toys & gifts for the different age groups and also some developmental considerations.

Many quality toys have age guides to help choose what the appropriate age is, but remember these serve as a guide and always check for small pieces when young children are around.

The quality of the toy’s materials is a valid consideration; natural wooden toys will last far longer than plastics, but can prove a challenge to wash.

Toys & Gift Suggestions: Birth to 18 months •soft toys •things with bright contrasting colors •rattles (wooden or silver) •mobiles (that catch children’s attention/ reflective) •squeaky toys •music boxes •balls (of various sizes and textures) •knock down toys •blocks •bath and pouring toys •simple wooden musical instruments •push or pull toys •spinning top •drop boxes •stacking toys •rings and bases •board books

Montessori Toys for Toddlers 18 to 24 months Children are learning to control events and organize the world, they have little sense of danger.

Mostly, cannot share. They want to imitate you, yet are still becoming independent

2-3 years More imitation of adult behavior and exploration of the adult world.

Enjoy manipulating objects, express their own personality and test everything.

Toys & Gift Suggestions: 18 months to 3 years •posting toys •wooden jigsaws •blocks •sandpit toys •hammer and pegs •wooden animals •rocking horse •crayons, colored pens •paints, easel board •simple musical instruments •household objects (real child sized) •moving toys (such as trucks) •large threading beads •bean bags •wheelbarrow or a wagon •interlocking blocks •doll equipment and clothing •large cartons and boxes •play dough •realistic animals (farm or zoo) •child sized cleaning apparatus (mops, brooms, gardening tools) •simple story books

montessori joyful learning

WHY MONTESSORI?

If this description of the Montessori Method doesn’t convince you, then nothing will! Every child should have the advantage of going to a Montessori school - Ed

Trevor Eissler Montessori Madness Trevor Eissler, father of three Montessori students, is a business jet pilot and flight instructor. Over the last fifteen years, he has taught hundreds of pilots, from beginners to professional pilots. He is the author of four books, Montessori Madness!, 4,962,571, That 17th Hat, and N is for North Korea. He is a juggler, unicyclist, triathlete, and Toastmaster. He lives with his wife and family in Georgetown, Texas Email Trevor at

trevor@montessorimadness.com https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcgN0lEh5IA

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JUST4FUN Dad’s little rock star

Strengthening a child's tiny hand muscles is really important for an array of early learning tasks including cutting, drawing, & writing.

There are tons of fun activities that can easily be set up to help strengthen fine motor skills; here is a great collection of simple ideas the kids will love.

Types of Parenting Snowplow, Tiger, Panda, and Helicopter Most mothers and fathers would say that their parenting style involves offering guidance, discipline, love, and support. But there are several ways of going about raising a child. Are some types of parenting styles more effective or desirable than others? Parenting styles can affect a child’s self-esteem, motivation, physical health, and emotional wellness.

Snowplow Parenting Snowplow parenting involves pushing away all of the obstacles that could make a little one unhappy, distressed, worried or fearful. Snowplow parents don’t want their children to have to deal with hardship. They do everything in their power to remove the things that stand in their kids’ way.

Think of snowplow parents as micro-managers. They want the best for their kids.

Therefore, they’re different than helicopter parents. Helicopter parents may try to impede a child’s freedom out of fear. A snowplow parent will let their kids walk to school alone or take risks as long as those activities will contribute to the children’s progress.

One of the most notorious attributes of a snowplow parent is the desire to make life easy and successful for the child. People with this parenting style will do almost anything for the child.

They’ll ask for and expect special treatment and concessions. These are the types of parents that call their college-aged kids to wake them up for class or call a teacher to complain about a poor grade.

Kids these days are expected to meet a wide range of demands. Life can be overwhelming for them.

Snowplow parents have the best intentions. They want to prevent their kids from dealing with anxiety or burning out. However, they don’t let their children figure out how to navigate life on their own.

Snowplow parenting can reduce a child’s exposure to stress. But it also teaches kids that they can’t handle major life events and problems.

Snowplow parents might want to give their kids more opportunities to handle their own problems. They should also make sure that they’re available if their kids have any questions.

Instead of doing the work for their kids, though, they can model the process of making decisions and managing intense or confusing emotions.

Tiger Parenting Tiger parents are strict, demanding and pushy. The have an authoritarian parenting style. This involves setting firm rules and using forcible tactics to drive their kids toward success.

Tiger parenting is based on Asian values. It emphasizes academic and financial success over emotional balance. These types of parents have extremely high expectations. But that’s only because they want the best for their kids.

While tiger parenting doesn’t focus on punishment, it does concentrate on discipline. Tiger parents support their children in developing self-control and motivation. They believe that those qualities are vital for gaining a good education and excelling in school and work.

Tiger parents may also push their children to take part in activities in which they can receive awards and recognition. Children of tiger parents may have to practice a musical instrument every day or get extra training in the team sports that they play.

They may not be allowed to participate in extracurricular activities that aren’t geared toward academics or career success. For example, these kids might not be allowed to go to friends’ houses after school or have sleepovers. Instead, they follow a stringent schedule that helps them build their intellectual strengths.

While tiger parents often praise their children for doing well, they can produce kids with low self-esteem. Children with these types of parents might feel as though they’re not good enough if their interests don’t match their parents’ values. They also don’t get a chance to explore the world from their own perspective, which is important for little ones.

Panda Parenting Panda parenting contrasts with the other types of parenting styles in this article. It’s the option that gives kids the independence to explore their worlds and make their own decisions.

Panda parents are not lazy. They simply don’t believe that kids need to be pushed toward the parent’s idea of integrity and values. Instead, they recognize that their children are individuals who must develop their own principles and standards.

They don’t intervene in every aspect of their children’s lives. Panda parents provide the structure that children need to investigate their worlds. For example, they may encourage their kids to play outside after school instead of bogging them down with enrichment activities and extra homework.

Panda parents teach their kids how to ask for help. Then, they allow them to go off in whatever direction they choose. The aim of panda parenting is to create a strong relationship with the children. Doing this allows kids to feel safe as they explore the boundaries of their lives.

Helicopter Parenting Helicopter parents want to protect their children. However, they do this from a fear-based perspective. They don’t want their children to be hurt. Therefore, they hover over their kids’ every move, preventing their children from taking responsibility.

Some triggers that lead people to become helicopter parents include: • Fear of disastrous consequences • Anxiety • Overcompensation for a parent’s feelings of neglect or isolation • Peer pressure from other overinvolved parents Children need to fail. They learn from their mistakes.

Helicopter parents follow them, cleaning up their messes and preventing them from taking missteps. While this may seem helpful and cautious, it often backfires.

Helicopter parenting can produce children with low self-confidence. Overprotective parents can make children feel as though no one trusts them to make their own decisions. Kids with helicopter parents might not learn how to cope with stress because they’re not subjected to it very often.

Moreover, worried parents can produce anxious children. If fearful parents are always warning their kids to be careful, children may become wary of trying new things or finding their freedom.

Parents want to be involved in their kids’ lives. On the one hand, too much control can prevent children from learning important life lessons. On the other hand, kids need guidelines to feel safe and trust their environments.

Incorporating the best aspects of each of these parenting styles can help everyone. Encourage your kids to follow their passions while giving them rules and natural consequences.

Communicate clearly without yelling. Ultimately, following one’s intuition and doing what’s right for the family is the best route to raising a healthy, happy child.

By Marnie Craycroft Carrots are Orange

Have you had a real good belly laugh lately?

When last did you have some fun?

I mean some real let your hair down and be a little less responsible and a little more spontaneous kind of fun - think back to if you ever bunked a day a school kind of fun.....

Ok so maybe you don't exactly want to bunk work (or maybe you do)...

Often we are so busy being responsible, juggling work/life and all the responsibilities that come with, that we become serious and forget how to play.

We forget how to have fun because we are living the same routine day in and day out that we become well...down right boring.

Can you remember when last you had a good belly laugh? You know the kind that leaves you gasping for air and your sides are hurting so much. Research says that having a good belly laugh for just 10-15 minutes of laughter a day can burn up to 40 calories!

Did you know?

It's no coincidence that the month begins with April Fool's Day...it's also know as National Humor Month and was conceived as a means to heighten public awareness of the therapeutic value of humor.

Ok so maybe you're not the type to have a good old humongous belly laugh, maybe your idea of fun is to spend time playing with your kids, relaxing on the couch with a good movie, perhaps it's participating in your favourite sport or hobby like painting or gardening or spending time with your loved one. Whatever your idea of fun is, it's ok.

My challenge to you today is to actually do something fun in the next 2 weeks (I would've said this weekend but I know some people don't cope well with pressure.

I'm feeling a little generous and giving you a whole 2 weeks).

Take some time out to let your hair down and do something for you, something fun, lighthearted and enjoyable.

And if you' really, really are not the fun type kind of person then why not take this free behaviour assessment and get some insights into the kind of person you are :)

Warmly

Paula Quinsee Relationship Expert

What every grandparent needs to know

Time sharing your grandkids

Would you know how to respond, for example, if your grandchild asked where babies come from? Most of us have found ourselves in at least one of the following situations.

Are the “other” grandparents more involved with your grandkids than you are? It happens, and it’s tough to deal with.

Step back to gain a little perspective, and cultivate other relationships and interests. You can also ask (nicely) your adult children and their spouses for more time with the grandchildren if you feel you’re being shortchanged. Also refrain from making too many comparisons to the other grandparents and know that your grandbabies will never know — or care — which of their grandmothers was most on the ball about nappy rash, burping, and gas.

Move beyond name pain

It’s not a popularity contest

It isn’t easy to embrace fully a baby who has been named after a relative you hated, or who was cruel to you, but experts say the process begins with forgiving the relative who wronged you.

Forgiving someone is not the same as saying that their behavior was okay. It simply recognizes that they were in so much pain and confusion that he or she acted in ways that a loving person could not. This allows for the possibility that when you speak your grandchild’s name, you can do so with love and joy, not with waves of pain and hurt. The child may just be the catalyst that motivates you to do the healing that will help release the burden you’ve been carrying.

Are your grandchildren’s parents jealous of their kids’ affection for you?

Do your grandkids throw a fit when it’s time to leave your house and go home?

The intensity of their fondness for you can be a bitter pill for parents. Here’s some advice: • Let your daughter and son-in-law know that as flattering as it is to be so adored by your grandchildren, you are as eager as they are to take steps to reduce the outbursts and tantrums. • If your grandchildren insist on staying at your house, let them to express themselves but answer firmly: “I know this is not what you want to hear, but tonight you’re sleeping at your house.”

As joyful as grand parenting is, there will inevitably come a moment when you’ll be at a loss for words, or just wish you could leave the room.

Answering THAT question

Bedtime blues

Until adolescent hormones begin raging, a child’s interest in sexual behavior is usually nothing more than innocent curiosity. If your grandkids ask you questions, your responses should be simple. If your granddaughter asks why her little brother’s body is different from hers, don’t give her a college-level anatomy lecture; if she asks where babies come from, don’t give her a dissertation on intercourse.

A straightforward answer that girls are different from boys, or that parents who love each other know how to make babies, will likely send the kids happily on their way.

Your grandchildren’s bedtime is 8pm but they refuse to go to sleep. You don’t want to punish them but you want to do what their parents have asked. So what can you do? Hold firm. For the kids’ own good, stay faithful to their usual bedtime routine. Try to be as consistent as possible to what goes on at home. Limit the bedtime drama by standing your ground. Letting things slide comes with a price, usually in the form of inadequate sleep for your grandchildren.

Interfering much?

If your daughter (or son) tells you you’re a busybody, it will certainly hurt, but understand that they may have done you a favour by telling you their feelings instead of keeping them bottled up. Rather than taking the comment as an insult, look at it as a gesture they’re making to try to make things better. Ask if there are any specific examples of times when they felt you annoyed them, and then listen.

Make the conversation into an information-gathering mission, an opportunity for you to understand specifically what they’re talking about.

The clearer an idea you have of what they consider upsetting, the better you’ll be able to avoid doing those things in the future.

Are you over 55? You probably qualify for cheaper insurance! Speak to Indwe Risk Services today for a free home or vehicle quotation to compare to your current cover.

Call us on 0860 13 13 14 or visit www.indwerisk.co.za for more information.

(from mums who have been there and survived)

If you have a toddler who loves the dummy, then you’ve probably questioned when is the right time to get rid of it. And just how are you going to handle the tantrums and tears that are sure to follow ?

With gratitude to Jenna Gallina There are plenty of pluses to letting your little one use a dummy. It can help them self settle, it can help guard against SIDS and it can help them feel secure. But, there are a few downfalls to relying on the dummy too, especially as your baby grows into a toddler or preschooler.

According to Evelina Weidan Sterling, PhD, MPH, co-author of Your Child’s Teeth: A Complete Guide for Parents. “Before age two, any problems with growing teeth usually self-correct within six months of stopping pacifier use. After the two-year mark, problems can start. Your baby’s top or bottom front teeth may slant or tilt.”

And the problem can worsen as time goes on. “Pacifier use after age four, which is when permanent teeth start to come in, can have major long-lasting effects on adult teeth,” she says.

For many children, their binky is their first love. So you can expect a few days of despair as your little ones learns how to live without the dummy. It took my daughter four full days to learn how to fall asleep without sucking and without relying on the dummy any time she felt angry, sad, upset or lonely.

How did we ditch the dummy? My daughter took a fall on the tile with it in her mouth. She cracked her two front teeth and wound up with a mouth full of blood and bruising. After that it was “dummy hurt me,” and we never saw the thing again.

And, while this is definitely not the way to go, hopefully some of these other ideas will help your little one ditch the dummy habit.

Give it to the dummy fairy.

Collect all the dummies in the house and have your child place them by his bed at night. When he wakes up, the dummies will have gone with the dummy fairy. Perhaps leave a small treat or toy in return.

Or Santa Claus. Or the Easter Bunny. Or the flock of birds in your backyard.

There has to be someone or something that your little one will be willing to give the dummies to.

Ducks love chewed up dummies, I’ve been told.

Cut holes in the tips.

Many children will prefer to just toss a damaged binky rather than continue to suck on one with the tips half broken.

Drizzle something your child doesn’t like on the tip.

Vegemite could work?

Go cold turkey.

Dummy is gone and that’s that. Most mums admit that the cold turkey method is challenging but a child will normally forget about it within three days to a week.

Make dummy art.

If your child loves to get crafty, then make a dummy collage to hang in their room or a dummy mobile perhaps?

Swap it for a new toy.

When all else fails, you can never go wrong with bribery.

Lose them.

And make sure you accidentally lose them on the same day that the rubbish is collected. That way there is no going back and fishing them out of the bin after three hours of tantrums.

Tie them up.

Tie all the dummies to the cot with a short ribbon. That way, if your little one wants to use the dummy, he has to remain stationary.

Usually standing still and toddlers do not mix.

Hang them in the Dummy Tree.

There’s a magical playground in Denmark where children leave their dummies for the fairies (or council workers) to collect. And while the Pacifier Tree is an airplane ride away, this doesn’t mean you can’t make your own in your backyard or at a nearby park

Read all about it.

Some great books to include in your ditchthe-dummy plan include The Binky Ba-ba Fairy, by Heather Knickerbocker-Silva, Baby’s Binky Box, by Jennifer Ormond, illustrated by Curt Walstead, Bye-Bye Binky, by Brigitte Weninger, illustrated by Yusuke Yonezu, I Want My Pacifier, by Tony Ross and Say Bye Bye to the Noo Noo by Jill Murphy.

Plant them.

Plant all of the dummies in the garden underneath a pretty flower, plant or veggie patch. Help your little one water his new plant and watch as his dummies grow into something beautiful.

Jenna Gallina Jenna Gallina is a features writer for Babyology.com and loves showcasing all sides of parenting. When she is not watching Disney/Pixar movies or dreaming about Jon Snow, she is drinking coffee or wine in an attempt to ignore her children's constant cries of "Muummmm". Born and raised in Canada, she now lives in Cairns with her adorable children, good looking husband and naughty dog.

Dealing with tantrums

By Simone Davies I’m going to dive right in to discuss a very tricky area for parents and children alike – tantrums.

I hope you find this blog post super useful so you can start applying Montessori principles in your home too.

Dealing with tantrums Tantrums are a pretty normal part of life with children from around 1 year to 5 years. Hopefully they’ll start a little later than 1 year and will end earlier, but anything in this range is fairly normal. Your child is learning that things don’t always go their way. And as parents, we are helping them learn how to deal with these emotions and to make amends.

It can be upsetting for a parent. It’s hard to realise that your child is actually asking for your help. They are overwhelmed by the situation and need your support to calm down. It’s not the time to take it personally.

How to avoid tantrums It can be possible to avoid tantrums before your child loses control. Here are some ideas to ward off tantrums when you see the first signs of your child losing control.

1. Be prepared – take a small bag with some simple games and some favourite snacks if you expect your child to wait patiently in a doctor’s surgery or in a cafe.

2. Label their feelings – “Boy, you really wish you could stay longer”; “You really wanted some orange juice right now!”

3. Redirect them – “I can’t let you hit your brother; but you can hit this drum/pillow.”

4. Get down to their level – “You sound frustrated. Can you show me?”

5. If they are struggling, ask them if they would like some help – give them just as much help as they need and then step back.

6. Give them a choice – “Would you like to put on your shoes or your scarf first?”

7. Establish routines – “And after lunch we’ll go to the toilet, read a book, and tuck in for a rest.”

8. Let them show their anger creatively, “Show me how angry you are. Here is some paper and a pencil. Wow. They are big circles. You are really mad!”

Triggers Things can often escalate to a full blown tantrum. Sometimes it’s from your child’s frustration; other times their anger or rage; sometimes because they want to be in control; their communication may still be limited; or because they are tired, hungry or overstimulated. They can throw themselves on the floor, push us away, try to hit us/a sibling/other child, or even break something.

It can be useful to note down things that cause tantrums in your child: over scheduling can be common; a new baby; moving house; or certain children may trigger them.

Sometimes the tantrum is even caused by us as we deliver the news that it is time to leave the park, or we serve some food they don’t like for dinner, or that we would like them to get dressed to leave the house.

It’s ok for your child to have a tantrum. You can acknowledge their displeasure at what is going on. And help them to do the thing that they don’t like. When we back down and give in to them, you will find they shout even louder next time.

It’s difficult to be the parent and stay strong. But your hard work will pay off in the long term.

They will learn that when you say no, you mean no; and when you say yes, you mean it too :).

I like the advice from “Positive Discipline: The Toddler Years”: “If you say it, mean it; and if you mean it, follow through with kind and firm action” Action may be, for example, leaving the park with a sad toddler, acknowledging that they really wish they could stay longer.

Alternatives to time out – how to help your child calm down When your child is having a tantrum, some experts advise putting them into time out. I find this difficult as your child is asking for help to calm down, and you are removing your support and punishing them instead. When we punish our children, they often get angry at us rather than being sorry for what they have done. Or they try to work out a way to get away with it next time without being caught.

Instead, I look for ways that I can support my child to calm down. I’m not saying that their behaviour is ok. But when they are in the middle of the tantrum it is not the time to teach them anything. They cannot hear you. They have lost control.

So let’s help them calm down.

Some children will respond to a cuddle during a tantrum. You can rub their back, cuddle them, and sing to them as they go through all the range of emotions from anger, to intense frustration, to sadness and sometimes regret. I once held my son for 40 minutes as he refused to get dressed. And I watched him go through all these emotions. In the end he announced he was ready to get dressed. He told me he loved me. He wasn’t angry with me. He was grateful that I had just been there for him. I know sometimes you have to leave, but in this case we just changed our plans.

Other children will push you away and don’t want to be touched. In this case, I make sure they are safe, that they cannot hurt themselves or others. And I stand nearby and keep offering my help, “I’m here if you need some help to calm down. Or we can have a cuddle when you are ready.” After the tantrum, I like to offer a cuddle. “That was tough. And now you have calmed yourself down. Would you like a hug?”

If they are throwing toys at their sibling or trying to hit me, I would remove them so that everyone is safe. “I can’t let you hit me. My safety is important to me. Would you like to hit these pillows instead?” If they are trying to hurt the baby, you can place yourself physically between them to keep the baby safe as you help them calm down.

An older child

For a child over 3 years old, you can set up a “calm place” which they can use when they are upset. It may be a tent with some pillows and their favourite things. It may be a corner with some trains. You can ask them if they would like to go to their calm place.

This is different to time out as the child is in control; they can come out when they feel calm. If they come back still in a rage, I would gently tell them that they look like they still need to calm down and they can come back when they are ready.

Making amends Maybe you are thinking that if I support my child while they calm down, I’m saying that their behaviour is ok and I’m encouraging them to get angry. When they are upset, indeed my objective is to help them calm down.

Once they are calm, I then help them to make amends. If they drew on the walls, I would get them to help me clean up. If they broke their brother’s toy, they can help to fix it. I’ve asked the kids help to scrub their sheets when they used marker pens in bed and made a mess.

In this way, they learn to take responsibility when things go wrong.

And when it’s over, it’s over The good thing about young children is that they can move quickly from deep anger and sadness back to their happy selves. We need to move on too and not let this upset the whole day by referring back to it or keeping on about it.

Once they have made amends, it’s ok for everyone to move on.

FAQ’s 1. Shouldn’t we just ignore their tantrum?

I don’t like to ignore a child when they are having a tantrum. They may not let me touch them, but I keep offering support and letting them know I am available when they need me. If you were super upset and your partner just left the room for you to get over it, you would likely find them unsupportive.

We are showing our kids that good or bad, we will be there for them.

2. What do I do if we are out in public when they have a tantrum?

There are basically two options: •

Go home – if you find it difficult to have people watching you, it’s best to just leave. This may mean parking a full shopping trolley and following the above ideas once you are home.

•

Stay and support them – my preferred option is to hang in there and do what you would do even though you are out of the house. If you have more than one child with you, make sure they are safe. And then offer as much help as you can to help your child calm down. People watching on will more likely think about what a lovely, patient parent you are, rather than what a horrible noise your child is making.

•

I find it difficult to stay calm myself. What can I do?

If your child has triggered you, it is indeed difficult to help them calm down.

If your partner is available, it can be easiest to get them to step in instead. * You may want to make sure the kids are safe, and go to the bathroom to catch your breath. * Find a mantra that you can repeat, “I breathe in calm, I breathe out anger”. * Remember not to take it personally. Perhaps visualise putting on a bullet proof suit that will resist everything (including words) that your child throws at you.

These tips should help you remain calm and give your child the support they need to regain control. I have made a summary of these ideas for you to print out and keep at hand when your child next has a tantrum. I hope it is useful!

How are you feeling with that new life growing inside of you?

Are you enjoying every moment,? This is one of the most amazing and special times of your life. A time when you are blessed with an abundance of love, compassion and angelic support as you nurture that special little angel inside of you.

Take time to drink in every memory, to talk and sing to your unborn child, to feel the joy building inside and around you. The tiny being is so very aware of every emotion and interaction you have, and this will affect their personalities as they come into life.

If you find you are too stressed and are struggling to cope right now, begin to change this as it will only be ten times worse when the baby arrives.

There are amazing natural supportive tools out there to help you during this time.

Penni of Divine Space has created a range of magical coloured Oils and Sprays that can help you cope with any situation. Each colour is a combination of natural plant and herb oils, with 7 essential oils, colour inclusions, crystal energy and sound vibrations. The result is a gentle healing pack of note that is used as either a body or bath oil. When absorbing the oils in the body they begin to help you regain balance and dissolve the issues that are creating hurdles in your life. The colours below are safe to use during pregnancy and are suggested as a support after the first trimester.

SUPPORTIVE PRODUCTS USED DURING PREGNANCY AND INFANCY • During pregnancy, anywhere after the first trimester and continued until birth: Rub the pink ‘’Light Matrix oil” on the tummy and blue ‘Light Matrix oil’ around the outer edge in a U shape – the blue symbolizes the support and strength of the father energy holding the loving compassionate mother energy. The combination is loving and supportive for both mother and child.

• During labour or trauma: rub or massage the Blue Light Matrix oil onto the tummy and legs to ease contractions and assist the birthing process. The blue is the rescue colour and is used for any pain or trauma in adults or children. It calms and soothes all muscle strain, as well as for cuts, bruises, burns, abrasions etc…

• On Mom – after the birth, to heal the birth trauma – use the orange ‘Oil of Transformation’ down mom’s left side every morning to re-seal the aura, then soak every evening in a bath with about 10 pumps of the blue ‘Oil of Transformation’ to ease and assist the healing and recuperation, while helping mom to relax. This should be repeated every day for at least a week, but preferably until the oils are finished. Orange in the morning and blue in the evening.

• During the birth and when baby comes home gently massage a tiny bit of the Mother Mary – ‘Divine Transformation’ Oil on them in the mornings and the blue Oil at night. You could use a few drops in the bathwater instead of directly on the body, or mix a couple of drops in Sweet Almond oil to make a wonderful massage oil.

Continue this for the first 2 or 3 years. Mother Mary is always present at a birth and welcomes the child in with infinite love and compassion. She brings in the gentle loving mother energy and the blue relaxes and calms the child, bringing in the supportive father aspect, and helping them to relax and sleep. The combination of the two colours bring a nice balance and helps the child to feel safe. They are definitely more manageable when using the colours.

• Use a combination of the Blue and Pink Light Matrix Oils on all children in a single parent home, or on children of divorced parents as one of the parents is missing and the 2 oils help to restore a sense of stability and balance in the child’s life. Inviting in both the masculine and feminine support. Other colours can be introduced from school going age.

• Support the energy by using the pink Angel Spray (Angelic wings of Love) when the baby, child or adult is uptight, anxious or irritable. The spray instantly calms aggression and brings in love. This affects everyone in the environment.

• Using the Pink Angel spray every evening at bed time – is really supportive. Invite the angel of protection into the space by spraying the child and room – then ask the child to feel their angel standing behind them. Ask the angel to wrap their soft wings around the child and to hold them safely like this all night. Brilliant to alleviate nightmares and to make the child feel safe and protected all night • When the child goes through the terrible twos and threes – begins to push boundaries, goes to play-school or has to re-adjust to a new environment – the green will assist with this adjustment. Green brings the heart into any situation and helps to establish boundaries while making them feel safe in the new space. This works for adults going through any change as well. Also excellent to ease chest colds.

• School going age: when children begin to learn their ABC’s and 123’s – the yellow will help them to grasp the new concepts. The yellow oil or spray will support them throughout their entire schooling career, helping them with concentration, focus and enabling the information to be absorbed. It is also beneficial to use before writing exams or tests as it calms the stress and fear and brings back the memories of what they have studied (all ages).

Article by Penni – www.divinespace.co.za Image by Ronnie Biccard

IDEAS TO ENCOURAGE BOYS TO WRITE Just like reading scores, writing test scores indicate that boys have fallen far behind girls across the all grades.

What can we do to get boys excited about writing?

Here are some tips to encourage boys to write.

1. FIND THEIR PASSION Find out what your boys are passionate about and have them write about it. Writing doesn’t have to be just fictional stories. If they love sports, have them write a sports story on the latest game. If they love history, have them write about what it would have been like to live at the time of a famous historical event. If they love Minecraft, have them write about their latest build. If they are passionate about it, they will want to write about it.

2. GIVE ENCOURAGEMENT, NOT CRITICISM When boys are learning to write, make sure you encourage them for their efforts instead of criticizing them about handwriting or grammar. It is hard to want to do something if you are always being corrected. When you are encouraging them to write, keep the focus on the fact that they are writing.

Grammar, spelling and handwriting will come with practice.

3. WRITING PROMPTS Use some writing prompts to make it easier for boys to come up with a topic. Type up some writing prompts, cut them out and put them in a jar where they can choose a new one each day.

4. USE DRAWING OR PICTURES My boys love drawing pictures, but not necessarily writing. Have them draw pictures and then write about the story that they drew. When my oldest boys were young, they would make up puppet shows for us. They would spend hours making puppets and writing their show. Or, show them a picture and have them write about it. If you have pictures of family vacations or events, show them the picture and let them write. If you son is into photography, give them a camera and let them tell a story through their pictures and then have them write captions for each image. One of my sons loves to draw comic strips.

The possibilities are endless!

5. PUBLISH THEIR WRITING Who wouldn’t love a book of something they had written? There are several ways you can do this. You could make a book at home and either bind it yourself or take it to an office supply store and get it bound. You can also purchase a blank hard-cover writing book (affiliate link). My son’s 2nd grade teacher had the kids write books that she then sent away to be published at Studentreasures.com. Out of all of my boys, he struggled with writing the most. But he LOVED making his book and worked really hard to get the writing and pictures just right.

6. PEN-PALS Find a child your son’s age that lives in a different state and have them write letters back and forth. It is so much fun to receive letters in the mail now that email/texting/messaging has taken over. If you can’t find another child, have them write to a grandparent or other family member. You could even have them write to their favorite sports star or other famous person. Who knows, they might get a letter in return.

7. KEEP IT FUN Make writing fun. Turn it into a game. One way to do to this would be to put some random objects in a bag or box and have them pull them out one at a time and create a story. The sillier the better. Or, write as a group. Have one person start a story and write a sentence or two. Then pass the paper so the next person who keeps the story going. Who knows where that type of story will end up. Make it fun!

www.thejoysofboys.com thejoyofboysblog@gmail.com

3 Simple Tools to Help Highly Sensitive Kids Thrive Does Your Child Have Sensitivity To Light, Sound, Touch, Taste, Or Smell?

By Robin Ray Green

I think of highly sensitive kids as being gifted with fluency in a second language – energy. It’s a gift that will give them many advantages in life once they understand and harness it.

But, in the beginning, it’s like their sensitivity dial is set on max!

They may be sensitive to everything: light, sound, touch, taste, and smell along with subtle whispers of energy.

Highly sensitive children can sense stressed energy in people and places. They pick up on the true emotions of others and see beyond the social veneer. Some can even feel the energetic residue of strong emotions in a space that was left days or weeks before.

The problem is they don’t know that this is what they’re feeling!

If you have a highly sensitive child, it may seem, at times, that this world is just too much for them. But, when you teach them a few simple energetic tools you can empower them.

Last month when I wrote about 7 Things You Need to Know About Your Highly Sensitive Child, many of the comments on the article and on social media asked for concrete techniques to help our children.

Here are 3 of my favorites:

#1 Body-Emotion Scanning While in a safe space, have your child scan their body from head-to-toe. Ask if they notice any tension or discomfort. Have them describe how they feel emotionally at that moment.

There’s an app called Feelings with Milo that can help younger children with this second part. Tell them to keep that in mind before going into a new place such as a grocery store or friend’s house.

If they notice a change in their body or emotions, talk about what or who it might be related to. With your help and some practice, they’ll be able to sense whether the change was due to their own experience or from energy they’re picking up from others or the place they were in.

#2 Bubbles If you’re going to a crowded shopping mall, airport, or theme park bubbles are a great way to manage sensitivities. Have your child imagine that their body is surrounded by a protective bubble. The bubble can be any color and acts as a barrier that only lets in positive energy and filters any negative or stressed energy.

When I do this with my boys we have a lot of fun with the visualization process. I ask them things like, “What color is your bubble?” and “How far does it extend around your body?” I have them describe how their bubbles feel.

We practice moving it around and sensing each other’s bubbles. Eventually you can just say, “Bubbles Up!” and everyone will know what to do!

#3 Understand Your Child’s Unique Five Element Type One of the things that has helped me the most in understanding highly sensitive kids is the Five Element system of Chinese medicine. It’s a framework that allows us to determine each person’s unique nature – body, mind, and spirit.

The Five Elements are Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, and Water. Each Element has corresponding physical characteristics, personality traits, strengths, and challenges that shape each child’s overall health and way of being in the world.

Once you discover your child’s Five Element type, you’ll have a better understanding of how your child’s sensitivities will manifest.

Five Types and how to help them: Fire and Earth children tend to be emotional empaths.

Metal and Wood children tend to be physical empaths.

Water children tend to be intuitive empaths.

Metal and Water types will need time alone to process the energies they experience during the day.

Fire and Earth types will need gentle reassurance and a safe person to share their feelings with.

Physical activity is a great way for Wood and Fire types to discharge negative energy.

Conscious Life Magazine

How to talk to your kids about opioids What parents need to know First, parents should educate themselves about opioids: what they are, how they work in the brain and body, risk factors for using them and how to spot signs of use.

Parents shouldn’t convey misinformation about opioids to their children. If their children find out that what they’ve been told isn’t accurate, they may turn instead to their peers for information.

There are excellent online resources available for parents and their children, such as the National Institute on Drug Abuse for Teens website and the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids’ Parent Drug Guide.

It’s particularly important to note the long-term effects that nonmedical use of opioids can have on adolescents. Around puberty, the brain starts a massive restructuring process. Neural connections get stronger and stronger, helping adolescents go from the emotional decision-making of youth to rational decision-making in early adulthood. This process continues until the mid- to late 20’s.

During this time, what adolescents do can get “hard-wired” into the brain.

So, for example, if a young person is engaged in academics, sports or learning a musical instrument, those connections get set in the brain. If they spend a lot of time using drugs, those could be the connections that stick. That means they’d have an increased chance of developing a substance use disorder later in life.

In adolescence, many people learn important life skills, including how to cope with adversity.

However, long-term drug use that starts during adolescence can affect our memory and learning. Because drugs, particularly opioids, help alleviate both physical and emotional pain, adolescents may then continually turn to this drug as a way to cope, rather than using more adaptive coping skills that are usually learned during this time.

Starting the conversation One of the most important tools that parents have is the ability to talk to their child about substance use. While talking about drugs with young people isn’t always comfortable, research has shown that it’s critical for prevention.

Chances are good that even young teenagers will have heard about opioids and overdose deaths at some point. Pretending that opioid use is not a problem – or thinking that a child is a “good kid” and therefore doesn’t need to hear and talk about it – is a mistake. Being a “good kid” does not mean that an adolescent will not be curious or be tempted by peers.

Starting the conversation can be difficult. I advise parents to keep an eye out for a time when the topic can naturally come up. For example, if a celebrity is found to be using opioids or other drugs, or if the problem comes up in the child’s school or neighborhood, or even on the child’s social media account, this could provide the opening for a discussion.

Parents could ask their children if they have heard about opioids and, if so, what they know.

That could be a good starting point and an opportunity to do the research together.

There are also helpful online resources that provide tips and advice on how to have these types of conversations, such as the Parent Talk Kit, which provides advice on what to say in specific scenarios with kids of different ages. For example, the beginning of high school is an incredibly important time for parents to bring up how some teens use opioids and to let their child know that, if she ever makes a mistake or gets stuck in a bad situation, she should come and talk to them.

These conversations aren’t a one-shot deal. They should happen often, ideally repeating parents’ expectations and adding new information when relevant.

Other tips Parents should properly and safely secure their prescription medication.

Parents should make an effort to get to know their children’s friends. Having friends who use drugs is very strongly associated with adolescents’ own drug use.

Additionally, children are less likely to use prescription drugs if their parents monitor where they are when they’re not at home.

About two-thirds of teenagers who use prescription drugs for nonmedical reasons report getting the drugs from friends or family members, including taking them from medicine cabinets without people knowing. So, parents should properly and safely secure their prescription medication, especially opioids.

Finally, if parents suspect that their child is using or has a problem with opioids, it’s imperative to get help as soon as possible. The best outcomes often come from intervening early.

For more information, the Partnership for Drug Free Kids has a resource hotline with advice on how to confront children about suspected drug use, as well as additional resources to help parents navigate getting children help with a substance use disorder.

The good news is that nonmedical opioid use among adolescents is on the decline. However, it’s still a significant problem that needs attention. Parents have the power to help – and talking to their children is an important first step.

This story was published in collaboration with PBS NewsHour.

Identify which kind of bullying your child may be experiencing Bullying is defined as mean, hurtful behavior that occurs repeatedly in a relationship with an imbalance of power or strength. It takes many forms -- verbal, physical, relational, and cyber bullying. Although schools are doing more to deal with bullying, parents are still the key to empowering kids to prevent and stop it.

Here are tips on how to deal with the four common types of bullying.

Verbal Bullying What It Is: Verbal bullying, or bullying with cruel spoken words, involves ongoing namecalling, threatening, and making disrespectful comments about someone's attributes (appearance, religion, ethnicity, disability, sexual orientation, etc.).

Example: When a child says to another child, "You're really, really fat, and so is your mom."

How to Spot the Signs: Children may withdraw, become moody, or show a change in appetite. They may tell you something hurtful that someone said about them and ask you if you think it's true.

What to Do: First, teach your kids about respect. Through your own behavior, reinforce how everyone deserves to be treated well -- thank teachers, praise friends, be kind to store employees. Stress self-respect, and help your kids to appreciate their strengths. Discuss and practice safe, constructive ways your child can respond to a bully. Brainstorm key phrases to say in a firm but not antagonistic tone, such as "That wasn't nice," "Leave me alone," or "Back off."

Physical Bullying

Relational Bullying

What It Is: Physical bullying, or bullying with aggressive physical intimidation, involves repeated hitting, kicking, tripping, blocking, pushing, and touching in unwanted and inappropriate ways.

What It Is: Relational bullying, or bullying with exclusionary tactics, involves deliberately preventing someone from joining or being part of a group, whether it's at a lunch table, game, sport, or social activity.

Example: A child gets his pants pulled down on the playground at lunchtime.

How to Spot the Signs: Many children don't tell their parents when it happens, so watch for possible warning signs like unexplained cuts, scratches or bruises, missing or damaged clothes, or frequent complaints of headaches and stomachaches.

What to Do: If you suspect your child is being physically bullied, start a casual conversation -- ask what's going on at school. Try to keep your emotions in check.

Emphasize the value of open, ongoing communication with you and with teachers or school counselors. Document the dates and times of bullying incidents, the responses from people involved, and the actions that have been taken. Do not contact the parents of the bully (or bullies) to resolve matters on your own. If your child continues to be physically hurt, and you need additional assistance beyond the school, contact local law enforcement.

Example: A group of girls in dance class keeps talking about a weekend sleepover and sharing pictures, treating the one uninvited child as if she were invisible.

How to Spot the Signs: Watch for mood changes, withdrawal from peer groups, and a shift toward being alone more than usual.

Girls are more likely than boys to experience social exclusion, nonverbal, or emotional intimidation. The pain can be as strong as physical bullying and last even longer.

What to Do: Make it a nightly routine to talk with your kids about how their day went, advises Jennifer Cannon, a family therapist in Newport Beach, California. Help them find things that make them happy, point out their positive qualities, and make sure they know there are people who love and care about them. Focus on developing their talents and interests in music, arts, athletics, reading, and after-school activities so your kids build relationships outside of school.

Cyber bullying What It Is: Cyber bullying, or bullying in cyberspace, involves haranguing someone by spreading mean words, lies, and false rumors through e-mails, text messages, and social media posts. Sexist, racist, and homophobic messages create a hostile atmosphere, even when not directly targeting your child.

Example: When someone tweets or posts, "Kayden is a total loser. Why is anyone hanging out with him? He's so gay."

How to Spot the Signs: Watch to see if your child spends more time online (visiting social media pages or texting) but appears to be sad and anxious afterward. Even though she's reading painful things on her computer, tablet, or phone, this may be her only social outlet.

Also take note if she has trouble sleeping, begs to stay home from school, or withdraws from activities she once loved.

What to Do: Mean messages can be distributed anonymously and quickly, leading to 24/7 cyber bullying, so first establish household rules for Internet safety. Agree on age-appropriate time limits. Know the popular and potentially abusive sites, apps, and digital devices before your kids use them. Let your kids know you will be monitoring their online activities. Tell them that if they experience cyber bullying, they shouldn't engage, respond, or forward it.

Instead, they should inform you so you can print out the offending messages, including the dates and times of when they were received. Report cyber bullying to the school and to the online service provider. If the cyber bullying escalates to include threats and sexually explicit messages, also contact local law enforcement.

By Suzanne Peck http://www.parents.com/kids/problems/bullying/comm on-types-of-bullying/

The term cyber-bullying sounds so futuristic … so foreign … and so far-off. When I heard the word about a year ago, I thought I had plenty of time before this type of threat could touch my family. Part of me wanted to believe we could avoid it altogether—that it was something that happened to “other people”.

But now I know that kind of thinking is just foolish and naïve.

I know this because cyberbullying has been getting frighteningly close to home.

Family friends and loyal readers of my blog are telling me just how easily it happens … just how damaging it feels to the victim … just how helpless it feels to the parent … and in some case, just how devastating it feels to be the bully who never intended for things to take a tragic turn.

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The impact of bullying can last a lifetime A study of the long term impact of bullying Young victims of bullying are at risk of experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression and conduct problems, but these problems can sometimes persist even after the bullying has stopped.

In a recent study, we examined the adult outcomes of children who were bullied when they were 7 or 11 years old. The data used for this study came from 7,771 participants who were born during one week in 1958 in England, Scotland and Wales, and followed up until the age of 50.

Our findings show that the impact of bullying is still visible up to mid-life, four decades after people were bullied.

We found that people who were frequently bullied in childhood still experienced symptoms of depression, and anxiety when they reached midlife. They also reported more suicidal thoughts than people who were not bullied in childhood.

The link between childhood bullying and poor outcomes in mid-life remained even after considering childhood factors that may make participants more likely to be bullied in the first place or to show poor outcomes at mid-life. These included childhood emotional and behavioural problems, childhood IQ, parents’ socioeconomic status, and low parental involvement.

We found that the associations between childhood bullying and poor adult outcomes were of a similar magnitude to other forms of childhood adversity such as being placed in care.

The impact of bullying is not only persistent but also pervasive, with health, social and economic consequences still visible well into adulthood.

We found that the impact of bullying was not limited to mental health problems, but extended to poor physical and cognitive health and worse social and economic outcomes.

People who were frequently bullied in childhood were more likely to have lower educational levels, with men who were bullied more likely to be unemployed and earn less. Social relationships and wellbeing were also affected. Individuals who had been bullied were less likely to be in a relationship, to have good social network, and were more likely to report lower quality of life and life satisfaction.

Our study is the first to show that the impact of bullying is still visible 40 years later. This should serve as a stark reminder that we need to move away from any perception that bullying is harmless and part of normal growing up. Instead, we need to see bullying alongside other forms of childhood abuse such as physical maltreatment and neglect.

It’s now clear that not only do we need to increase our efforts towards reducing bullying in schools and the community, but we also need to provide better support to these young victims because their problems may last a lifetime.

We need to be vigilant to early signs that something is wrong: children not wanting to go to school, failing grades, crying. Parents and siblings must get involved in supporting family members who may be targeted by bullies. If symptoms persist or create interference with dayto-day life, it may be advisable to consult a health professional.

This blog was written by Louise Arseneault, a Professor in Developmental Psychology at the Institute of Psychiatry at King’s College London www.familylife.org.uk

RESOURCES IN SOUTH AFRICA Ed’s note: We are trying to gather more information on resources for parents and kids. If anyone has information, please contact us on linda@childoftheuniverse.co.za Your help will be much appreciated.

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Bully Busters South Africa

The South African Anti Bullying Forum

www.bully.co.za

There us a danger of providing a caricature of a child who bullies as an individual who is physically strong, emotionally detached and vindictive.

These characterizations are unhelpful because they lead to many cases of bullying being overlooked and provide little insight into underlying difficulties that might account for the child’s behaviour and provide a means for intervention.

Bullying can also be a reaction to emotional distress or untreated mental health issues. This can often go unrecognized and in these cases, little attention or support is given to address the mental health or emotional well-being of the perpetrator.

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Here are the Top 10 Tips to handle teasing and bullying: 1.Establish family rules about treating people with respect.

2.Teach how to be assertive, not aggressive.

3.Increase your children’s sense of power through athletics and extra-curricular activities.

4.Talk about how to be a good friend.

5.Point out how other people are feeling.

6.Let them know you believe in them.

7.Get involved directly if your child is being bullied and is unable to resolve it alone.

8.Treat the bully with compassion.

9.Discuss ways to stand up for others who are being bullied.

10.Speak out against bullying in your life and your children’s.

MORE CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD

Green rectangles.

Everywhere.

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets,, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect nomaintenance garden plan, Those plants grow in any type of soil withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now, but all I see are the green rectangles everywhere.

St FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord, The Suburbanites. The started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colourful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

St. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The Spring rains and warm weather probably make tress grow really fast. The must make the Suburbanites happy.

St. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it. They do it sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

St. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir. GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

St FRANCIS : You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, the fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.

St. FRANCIS: You better sit down Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.

As soon as the leaves fall,, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No, what do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

St. FRANCES: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place f the leaves.

GOD: And where do the get this mulch?

St. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

St. CATHERINE: ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about…..

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

Taken with copyleft permission from Biophile Issue 19.

Art Activities for Toddlers Finger Painting with Edible Finger Paint Toddlers enjoy exploring and they’re certainly curious when it involves painting. One of the best ways to make sure they’re safe as they create is to make an edible paint. Homemade paint recipes are your best bet. They won’t be able to tell the difference between yours and the store bought kind of paint!

Experiment with different material surfaces for toddlers to paint on. Try paper bags, paper plates, cardboard, poster board, wrapping paper, old newspaper, and even bubble wrap.

Melted Crayon Art Activity for Toddlers Super fun and easy art activity with kids. It may at first seem dangerous but it isn’t. Click thru to learn how we have done melted crayon art in preschool and with toddlers.

7 Unique Printing Art Activities for Toddlers Easy to put together and kids of all ages enjoy creating with this art activity for toddlers and preschoolers

Liquid Watercolor Art and Science Activity I love this activity because it combines so much learning. First, you have the fine motor skill work with the mini dropper, then you have the science with the absorption and color mixing, then you have art. Beautiful.

Bubble Printing Art Activity for Toddlers This art activity might just be my favorite for an art activity for toddlers. Seriously? You have art, blowing bubbles, and fine motor skill works all in this one amazing activity.

Paint Shapes from Wooden Blocks Have the toddler dip wooden blocks in safe toxic free paint or make homemade finger paint (see Finger Painting with Edible Finger Paint above.) Place a small amount of the paint in jar lids so they are easy to dip the wooden blocks. Press the shapes on white paper.

Easy Van Gogh Art Activity for Kids Last but not least we have an art appreciation project for toddlers & preschoolers! Use these amazing art appreciation learning materials

by Aline Wolf along with this art activity and your kids will be hooked on art & history!

Why read to a baby who clearly can’t understand what you’re reading?

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Reading aloud to a tiny tot who doesn’t yet say a single word may seem strange or even silly. But children who are read to from an early age are more successful when learning to read later for several reasons:

Listening to stories helps babies develop language skills. They begin to understand the rhythm of sentences and key words.

Hearing you read aloud encourages babies to use their own voice and coo back to you.

Picture books help babies learn to recognize familiar objects, like balls, dogs and shoes.

Reading picture books can be more effective at teaching a baby words than simply pointing to an object. (For example, you might point to your baby’s nose and say ‘nose’ – but unless you’re doing this in front of a mirror, they may not be making the mental connection. Showing them a nose in a book is much more clear.)

Stories stimulate babies’ imagination and creativity, which helps them develop better problem-solving skills.

Don’t forget that reading stories is great bonding time and can be very soothing for your toddler.

Some tips on reading to tiny toddlers: • • • •

•

Slow right down. Reading slowly helps children work out who’s saying what and helps them to follow the storyline.

Use voices – animate the book by using a booming voice for dad or a squeaky voice for the mouse.

Use a cloth book if your baby isn’t interested in sitting still. Let them mouth it and squash it and crinkle it – and just generally use it as a toy.

If you only read one page at a time before your little one hops up to do something else, that’s completely fine. Don’t worry if your child won’t sit through a whole book.

Go for books that repeat words. Babies and toddlers love repetition.

A great way to help your child gain fluency is to do buddy reading In buddy reading, you and your child take turns reading by sentence, paragraph, or page.

Also called paired reading or partner reading, buddy reading has multiple benefits, but perhaps the biggest benefit is that it prevents discouragement.

Learning to read is hard work, and for some kids disheartening!

Imagine you’re a child with significant reading challenges. You’re faced with pages of text—and you know that you’ll have to sound out many of the words. You want to be able to read the story, but it is so hard.

With buddy reading, you read alongside your child. She reads for a while, and then you read for a while. She no longer feels that she has to do it all on her own. She feels your support, and she learns from your fluent reading.

Because buddy reading has so many benefits, our customer support team often recommends this technique when coaching customers with young or struggling learners. I invited Robin from our team to share some real-life examples with us.

Here’s Robin: My youngest child, Belle, struggled to gain fluency in her reading. She had to sound out every word of a story, and it would take her a long time to read even one page. She would get tired, then frustrated, and then discouraged. Often, she would be in tears by the time she finished a story. I tried having her read the story over a couple days, but then she would be in tears that she couldn’t finish it in one day.

So, I began buddy reading with Belle. We would read a short story over a period of three days.

On Day 1, Belle would read the odd-numbered pages, and I’d read the evennumbered pages. Together we would read through the story, alternating pages, until we reached the end of the story.

On Day 2, we’d re-read the story, but I’d read the odd-numbered pages, and Belle would read the even-numbered pages. In this manner, we would read the whole story through again, each reading the pages the other had read the day before.

On Day 3, my daughter was finally able to read the story by herself in one sitting—without tears. After two days of reading and hearing it read, Belle was familiar with the story and words. She still had to sound out many words, but not as many as on the first day. She was able to be successful.

Over time, Belle has needed less buddy reading. Now it’s enough to help her with just a paragraph, or a just a few sentences, instead of an entire page. As the stories have gotten longer, Belle has started to get tired toward the end of the story. She doesn’t want me to read a full page anymore, so instead I supply words when she struggles to sound them out. I don’t do this throughout the whole story, and we never move on to the next lesson until she can read the whole story by herself. I just step in as needed to help her to complete the story the first time through without tears.

Buddy reading also has other uses.

Buddy reading is helpful when a child wants to read a book that includes words with concepts and phonograms that haven’t been taught yet. For example, my boys love the DK Beginner Reader books on topics like Lego®, Star Wars, snakes, and other exciting things. These books always contained words that my sons weren’t equipped to read yet. I found this especially common with names. Supplying a young reader with words like taipan (a kind of poisonous snake) or Tatooine (a planet in Star Wars) can be all that is needed to help them read these books.

As children progress to higher levels of reading, buddy reading can come back into play again. If a child reads so slowly that it takes him a month to finish a chapter book, he may be discouraged from starting the next one. But if I can share the reading of it with him, so that he can get through a whole chapter book in just two weeks, then he may be all the more excited to start the next one. So I read a page or two, and then my son reads a page or two, and we work our way through the chapters.

Buddy reading shares the load and encourages more reading, and, more importantly, better feelings about reading.

About Marie Rippel Marie Rippel, curriculum developer of the award-winning All About Reading and All About Spelling programs, is known for taking the struggle out of both teaching and learning. Marie is an Orton-Gillingham practitioner, sought-after speaker, and member of the International Dyslexia Association. When not writing or teaching, Marie can be found riding her Icelandic horses.

SPRING HAS SPRUNG AN HOLISTIC SOLUTION TO ALLERGIES AND FLEAS We, as humans, adapt to change in climate and amend our habits accordingly. For example, when the weather is hot we wear lighter clothing and we generally eat less bulky meals. We protect ourselves from the UV rays and we probably shower more often, especially after spending each day at Clifton beach or a trek through Newlands forest.

Our pets rely on us for their daily activities and feed as well as their general exposure to the environment. It is, therefore, essential that we understand our companion and make the necessary adaptations to the change in climate.

Offering your companion a variety of different foods or adding tasty tit bits may improve appetite. Identify whether your companion is a “hot” dog and then include cooling supplements into the meal.

Remember, not to over do it with washing and shampooing, as their natural skin bacteria is very venerable. Rather rinse with fresh water or even a Natural Rooibos Soak.

Summer and hot weather impacts on the well being and behavior of our pets.

Spring affects our companion in many ways but the biggest irritant is fleas and itchy skin.

This is both traumatic for pet owner and pet.

Allergens are rife and abundant and our pets seem to react to everything:

Long grass, dust mites and flea bites – allergies It is important to boost your pet’s immunity during this season. Strong immunity is your pet’s sole protector against allergies.

Supplementation is essential and should be administered religiously.

The use of probiotics and/or spirulina would be well advised. A good quality omega 3 fish oil (not flax) is essential. Include apple cider vinegar daily in your pet’s water or food.

Diatomaceous Earth is a natural parasite cleanser and will help rid toxins and parasites.

A natural diet with vegetables and loads of cooling herbs like mints, sages, lemon balm would help to build immunity and calm and cool irritable skin.

Fleas and Ticks In the last few years we have seen an epidemic of fleas. They just will not go away.

Whilst it is always tempting to use strong chemicals and poisons to rid these pets, it will certainly impact on your pet’s well being and sensitive skin. Here is the dilemma. If you choose to use flea and tick drops, it may rid fleas, but it certainly will impact on your pet’s immunity and ability to deal with allergens and thus may worsen skin conditions.

The use of natural chemical free repellents is well advised and can be just as effective if applied regularly. Khakibos as a spray is fantastic to apply on your dogs. For cats we would recommend the khakibos powder.

Knowing how rife fleas and ticks are at the moment, I would recommend daily use.

When we go to the beach and sunbath we apply sun protection is advance. We don’t wait to get burnt and then apply a sun cream after. The same is true with regards to applying khakibos onto our pets. Let’s keep them off our pets as a first priority!

Internally, I would recommend increasing the daily dose of fresh garlic. Another alternative would be the use of aloe ferox bitter crystals (they are extremely bitter and you would have to hide the crystal in some meat or snack). Only one small crystal taken every few days is necessary.

Spring and Summer in South Africa is truly special but it can be problematic for our pets. Fleas and allergies can be contained naturally by boosting our companion’s natural immune system. Extra care and time is required during these months but the results are worth it. After all, a happy pet means a happy owner.

LEARN FROM THE ANIMALS Animals do teach us unconditional love. This is true.

Imagine then, if we learned from them and treated each other with as much love, tolerance and patience.

We are much more patient with our animals than we are with our spouses. We forgive our animals much easier than we forgive our spouses, friends, family and children.

We rise up as one to defend animals, yet we often fail to rise for fellow humans. We tolerate snippy behaviour from our animals much more than we would from... our loved ones.

We handle our animals 'off days' with more compassion than we do the people we love. I can only imagine how I'd react if my partner unrolled the toilet paper seven times a week. I know how I've reacted when my partner broke my special vase, or scratched my car. I know that I'd get irritated if my partner vomited up a hairball on my rug every other week.

Yes, animals do teach us unconditional love, we just fail to learn that from them.

Conscious Life Magazine

Keeping more than hope alive for nearly four decades

CHOC Childhood Cancer Foundation was established in 1979 as a support group to parents of children with cancer, by parents of children with cancer. Having experienced the immense emotional and financial toll that cancer takes they recognised there is more than one victim in the family of the child with cancer.

Their aim was to ease the burden on parents facing the same journey by providing access to relevant, accurate information, as well as emotional and practical support.

From the onset CHOC provided support in the hospital wards, hence the name Children’s Haematology Oncology Clinics, or CHOC. Gradually parent groups were set up in other key centres, where the major state-funded academic hospitals are located and paediatric oncologists practice.

In 2000, these regional entities merged into a national organisation. CHOC now has a head office in Johannesburg, six regional offices, two branches, and 13 accommodation facilities close to treatment centres. With occupancy steadily increasing our budget for maintenance and running costs of the accommodation facilities in 2015 will amount to R7.132 million, with each facility costing over half a million and we have a total capacity of 66 030 bed nights per annum.

We do not receive funding from government but rely heavily on donations from caring corporates, individuals and parents of children with cancer. Funds raised are used to provide all-encompassing support – from direct practical help to the children and their families and those involved in the treatment – to necessary equipment.

Donate to CHOC The support of corporations and individuals is vital to the ongoing work of CHOC.

Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her.

I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid. As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the overworked shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.

As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life.

She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship. A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well.

Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms.

I would promise to keep her safe.

I would promise to always be by her side.

I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes.

I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.

Support your local animal shelters – ‘forever homes’ needed

HUSKY ROMI WOLF SANCTUARY HuskyRomi is a non-profit organization providing a safe haven for abandoned and abused huskies and wolves in South Africa.

We provide a home to all huskies and wolves that can’t be kept as pets because of their complicated nature. Many of the animals arrive in a poor condition, some not even knowing what grass is. They are rehabilitated with loving care by Larry Paul. This website was started to provide support to the HuskyRomi project and to promote the protection of wolves and other wildlife. The sanctuary is open for the public to come and learn about wolves. We do appreciate donations and sponsorship for the buying of food, for veterinary bills and doing maintenance to the enclosures.

We currently take care of more than 200 huskies, wolves and hybrids in 54 enclosures.

Get Involved We are working towards getting a formal volunteer program off the ground at HuskyRomi. This is available to both local (South African) and international volunteers. Should anybody be interested to become a volunteer or to assist with the program please contact Larry on the number or email below.

Sponsorship and Donations Name a Wolf.

Should you wish to name a wolf, for instance in remembrance of a loved one or pet, you may arrange it with Larry. We just request that you then will be prepared to do a full monthly sponsorship of that wolf for a period of at least two years.

Get in Touch: Mobile: 071 679 5141 larry@huskyromi.co.za http://huskyromi.co.za/wp/

Conscious Life Magazine

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