Cotu montessori mag july ed 25

*FREE DIGITAL MAG *ISSUE 25 *JULY 2016

THE DEEP WELL OF TIME Book Review

What is the Montessori Lifestyle

Montessori

Character Building Thoughts for Children

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ABOUT US www.childoftheuniverse.co.za PUBLISHER 2Luni Media EDITOR Linda Navon 071 346 8138 linda@childoftheuniverse.co.za

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DISTRIBUTION & RESEARCH

We start this edition off with a review of Michael Dorer’s new book, THE DEEP WELL OF TIME. Heidi van Staden has read the book and written a wonderful review for Michael. I am sure you will all be looing forward to it’s release.

During the course of the last week, my idea of launching a new magazines aimed at the youth has materialised.

Last week, on my son’s birthday, I published the first edition of YOUTH OF THE NATION. You will be receiving a copy of this magazine as well, along with your usual monthly selection of online magazines. Each magazine has it’s own stories to tell, and are related to various aspects of our daily lives. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I love putting them together.

Lee Coulter

CONTACT NUMBERS TEL: (011) 462-2900 0110 262 643 0110 468 737 DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this

publication are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the editor, advertisers or endorsers. While every effort has been made to ensure that the contents of this publication are both accurate and truthful, the publisher and editor accept no responsibility for inaccurate or misleading information that may be contained herein.

MEDIA PARTNERS

There is a massive amount of international Montessori information available, and as a researcher, I will be including as many new articles and writers to you as possible over the coming months, and years.

Please remember, this is YOUR magazine, a platform for you to use at any time, just get inn contact with me and we will work together.

Our magazines are usually published by the second week of each month, reason being that, once again, we are not conventional. We like to delight our readers with something fresh and insightful to read once you have gotten over the month end rush, and can put your feet up with a nice ‘cuppa’ tea, and consciously relax with us.

We trust you are all warm and well, and have survived the activities over the school holidays.

See you in a month again.

Much Love

Linda

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contributing team & experts

DR MICHAEL DORER

SHARON CALDWELL

HEIDI VAN STADEN

TIM SELDIN

JACQUELYN PRICE

KYM VAN STRAATEN

PILAR

SARAH SCHERRER

KATHERINE KINZLER

SUSANNE VAN NIEKERK

JEANNE-MARIE PAYNEL

MARNIE CRAYCROFT

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contents ARTICLES THE DEEP WELL OF TIME – BY MICHAEL DORER Book Review by Heidi van Staden WHAT IS THE MONTESSI LIFESTYLE – 10 Things You Need to Know

By Marnie 52 CHARACTER BUILDING THOUGHTS FOR CHILDREN

By Leigh Davies MY JOURNEYS WITH VINCENT – Losing a Child

By Linda Navon STEPS TO OFFER THE LEAST HELP TO PRIMARY AGE CHILDREN – Part 2

By Leanne Gray SUNFLOWER FUND – HOPE BEGINS WITH YOU

MONTESSORI EQUIPMENT & EDUCATIONAL TOY SUPPLIERS Childrens House Learning Tools Kid-Ease WonderEquip Montessori Supplier

MOVEABLE ALPHABETS

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Book Review by Heidi van Staden

THE DEEP WELL OF TIME

By Michael Dorer In 2009, I had my first experience of Montessori stories from Mr. Dorer in Cape Town at the South African Montessori Association conference. Hearing them told, with such detail, drama and passion was enthralling. Everyone loves stories and it is in our African blood to love being told stories.

Having a natural storyteller bring to life the Montessori materials and concepts in such a dramatic and imaginative way inspired my own inner story-telling diva. I attempted after that encounter to retell those fabulous stories as best I could. The children loved them none-the-less. Marigold and her farm-measuring triumph, a potter named Tan and his dilemma with his beautiful (but broken) plate and the wonderfully expressive story introducing the Euclidean geometry concepts were told to them over and over.

In reading ‘The Deep Well of Time’ for this review, I was transported back to the beginning of time with the Great Lesson stories, and was especially gratified to find the elusive Great River story included. It is easy to imagine a group of elementary children getting caught up in the events at the Adjective’s Picnic, and knowing that they will always know, forever more exactly what an adjective is and how it functions. Mr. Dorer has also included stories from his colleagues Larry Schaefer and Jonathan Wolff - both of whom have regaled us at South African Montessori Association conferences as well.

The great American novelist, Toni Morrisson said, “If there is a book you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, you must be the one to write it.” Mr. Dorer has written the stories that we all want to hear. These are stories that will create a bond between the teacher and the child and more importantly between the Montessori materials and the child. The countless children that these extraordinary gems will touch in times to come is truly a gift.

I reckon Maria Montessori is smiling, she may even be saying, “Michael, tu racconti le storie grande!”

Heidi van Staden 29.06.2016

BOOK TO BE LAUNCHED IN AUGUST AND AVAILABILITY WILL BE NOTIFIED IN OUR NEXT EDITION AND VIA NEWSLETTER.

By Marnie The Montessori lifestyle? Yes. That is right. Montessori is a way of life. So, what do parents need to know about the Montessori lifestyle? Maria Montessori wrote extensively about the relationship between parent and child. She also wrote about the role of parents in a Montessori environment. The parental role is critical in the success a child has within a Montessori environment.

“The greatness of the human personality begins at the hour of birth.” ~ Dr. Montessori

I often hear from Montessori teachers about the disconnect between parents and teachers within a Montessori environment. The issue is not that parents don’t want to learn, but more an issue of not knowing how or where to learn about Montessori. Where can parents easily education themselves on the basics of the Montessori philosophy? Where can parents learn that they must need to embrace Montessori as a lifestyle and not simple an educational philosophy that begins and ends at the classroom doors?

What Parents Need to Know about the Montessori Lifestyle          

Montessori starts way before an early childhood classroom.

Respecting the child is at the core of the philosophy. Positive discipline is at the heart of it.

“Teach Me to Do It Myself” trumps doing something a capable child can do for himself. Here are a few Montessori at Home ideas.

Intervening is your last resort Child are capable of communicating Books for Montessori Parents Montessori at Home Tips Combine learning & movement as much as possible Connecting the indoor and outdoor classrooms is a key aspect to learning.

Peace education is at the center of the Montessori philosophy

“It is in the encounter of the maternal guiding instincts with the sensitive periods of the newly born that conscious love develops between parent and child.� ~ Dr. Montessori The best thing you can do for your Montessori child is to embrace the Montessori lifestyle in your home and in your parenting.

Two Secrets to Bringing Montessori into Your Home Montessori is a popular buzz word these days. There are many articles and ideas floating out there. So, how do you truly being to take steps forward to integrating these ideas into your home and your family’s life. You feel Montessori is right for your family but feel a bit overwhelmed with the gargantuan amount of information being thrown at you. So, where do you start to take steps towards Montessori in your home?

This post include two key steps in bringing Montessori in the Home!

How to Integrate Montessori in the Home Step #1: Educate Yourself

“Within the child lies the fate of the future.” ~ Dr. Maria Montessori

The first step to integrating Montessori at Home is to educate yourself and to fully embrace Dr. Montessori’s approach to education. Montessori is a lifestyle. It is not learning that begins and ends at the classroom doors. The best way to achieve this understanding and acceptance is to read as much as you possibly can about the philosophy. Read articles, peruse Montessori minded blogs, and read Montessori in the Home books for parents such as Montessori Madness, The Science Behind the Genius, and Montessori: a Modern Approach.

Blogs such as how we montessori, The Kavanaugh Report, Natural Beach Living, Living Montessori Now, Montessori Mischief, Racheous Lovable Learning, and my own blog, Carrots Are Orange, are tremendous resources for you. The authors provide a tremendous amount of Montessori knowledge.

Step #2: Compare & Contrast Why did you choose Montessori over Waldorf or Inquiry based or Reggio Emilia? Where do these philosophies overlap? How are they different? Take a bit of time to understand the various differences and similarities of Montessori and other learning philosophies. By far the best overview I have read is Michael Olaf’s comparison. A much meatier version of the Montessori comparison is found on the Early Childhood Research & Practice website. PBS Parents offers a user friendly comparison of education philosophies.

There is even a video on YouTube comparing Montessori to other philosophies. Once you’re committed to bringing Montessori ideals into your home, embrace the philosophy.

For more, check out Montessori 101 posts!

52 Character Building Thoughts for Children

By Leah Davies, M.Ed. Early Education Consultant, Teacher, Counselor, Author, Past Instructor, Family and Child Development, A.U.

The following quotes may be used in a variety of ways by both teachers and counselors. One idea is for a thought to be posted, read, and discussed at the beginning of each week. It could then be read daily with the students. At the end of the week ask them what they learned or how the thought applied to their lives or activities during the week. Have the children give written or oral examples, or have them draw a picture to illustrate their ideas.

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How I look is not as important as how I act.

I treat others the way I want them to treat me.

I am a good sport; I follow the rules, take turns and play fair.

It is okay to laugh at funny things, but not to laugh at others.

I do not gossip; if I cannot say anything helpful, I do not say anything at all.

When I am sad, I help myself feel better by thinking of things that are good in mylife.

In order to have friends, I must act in a kind way.

I believe that I am someone who can do important things.

What I say and how I say it tells others the kind of person I am.

I appreciate my family, my teachers, and my school.

I treat everyone with respect.

When I listen, I show others that I care about them.

I am being a good citizen when I volunteer to help others.

I think for myself and make smart choices that are good for me.

Each day offers a new start to do my best.

I try to understand what my friends are feeling.

Everyone makes mistakes, so instead of getting angry with myself, I try to do better.

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I do not give up; I keep trying until I can do my work.

Sharing with others makes me feel good and makes them feel good too.

I work out my problems without hurting myself or others.

I am being polite when I wait for my turn and say please and thank you.

When I smile at people, they usually smile back.

I encourage my friends to do their best.

My values guide me to do what is right.

I am honest; I do not cheat or steal.

When I am angry, I use self-control and do not hurt others.

I am being creative when I dance, draw, paint or write a poem or story.

I say, "No!" to things that could hurt my body like tobacco and alcohol.

When I do what I say I will do, I am being responsible.

I am grateful for what I have, so I share with others.

I try to learn something new each day.

When things do not go my way, I stop and think of what I can do to make them better.

I do not make fun of other children because I don't know what their life is like.

I feel successful when I do my best.

Everyone has good and bad feelings.

I take care of myself by eating healthy food, exercising and getting enough rest.

I am being punctual when I am on time and do not keep people waiting.

When I cooperate with others, I get more done.

I follow the rules and try to make my school a better place.

I like to get to know children who are different from me.

Since I tell the truth, my friends trust me.

I look for what is good in others and I say what I like about them.

I buy only what I need and I save my money.

When I use my time wisely, there is usually enough time to do what I want to do.

I think before I act; how I act affects how others treat me.

Using manners helps me keep my friends.

I have courage to stand up for children who are teased.

Before I do something, I ask myself, "Is it safe?"

I am me -- I do not try to be like someone else.

I care about living things on earth so I recycle and do not litter.

When I write down what I think and feel, I learn about myself.

I plan ahead and think about what I want to do when I grow up.

My Journeys with Vincent Is There Life After Losing a Child?

Vincent was the heart and soul of my life, always up to some mischief and terrifying me by living on the edge.

His flame burned so hot, but it burned for such a short time.

By Linda Navon I vaguely heard my phone beep a message in the night. I think it was around 04h30. I reckoned that it was Vincent and his wife, Christy, getting home as I had asked them to text me when they got in. So I went back into a peaceful sleep without reading the message. When I woke the next morning, I saw that it was a ‘please call me’ from Christ. Vincent had not arrived home after they left the club which they had gone to after my daughter’s birthday party. They had travelled in separate cars and Vincent took his own route but never got home. Candida’s 30th birthday party was a themed ‘Down the Rabbit Hole’, everyone dressed up and all the guys went as Mad Hatters.

Very soon Candida and I started phoning around to try find Vincent. We checked hospitals, police stations and eventually tried the morgues, which were closed on a Sunday. I was supposed to be going off to do my 67 minutes for Mandela Day (it fell on a Sunday that year, 2011, same as it does this year 2016), but that very quickly went out the window. I popped a few messages on Facebook to the effect that Vincent is AWOL, and asked if anyone had perhaps allowed Vincent to cool off on their couches.

His friends started to phone and the worry increased. This date was Sunday, 17 July 2011 and it is indelible in my mind. My brother was also on his phone trying to locate Vincent through all his connections. It seemed everyone was on the hunt for him. I secretly hoped that Vincent was just having ‘a moment’ and would pitch up shortly. No-one on Facebook knew where he was either.

By now the whole family was together, since we had organised a braai at the house to further celebrate Candida’s birthday. Her family from Cape Town were visiting with us. As I sat there phoning around, and looking at the preparations going on in the lapa next to the pool, I just knew something was very wrong. The thought crossed my mind that if something had happened to Vincent, then at least the whole family would be together for strength.

(THIS IS THE LAST PHOTO TAKEN OF VINCENT AND I TOGETHER – JUST HOURS BEFORE HIS ACCIDENT) Around midday I popped over to the Spar to get some supplies for the braai, and standing there in the store I suddenly felt like throwing up, and left without buying anything. I went back to my partner’s restaurant and whilst sitting there I received a call from the daughter of a friend who the SAPS had contacted. Apparently their address was registered in his ID book as he used to live with them at one point in his life.

Megan wasn’t making much sesnse on the phone, just something about the police calling and someone passing. It took her what felt like 20 years to find the cop’s number for me. I then handed the phone to the restaurant chef to speak to the cop in his own language, and as I watched him trying to spell the word ‘Hillbrow’, my world turned dark, and all hell broke loose.

The first call I had to make thereafter was to Vincent’s father, who was totally oblivious that his son was missing. I had put off calling him for a while still. He had not been with us at the party the night before. I remember sitting on the grass on the pavement in front of the carpark and calling Eddy, and to this day I will never forget the shock and pain that came over the line.

I went into ‘zombie mode’ and tried to get the girls to quieten down as the restaurant patrons were all watching these proceedings. My next call was to my brother Robert, who I had to tell that we had found Vincent… in the morgue. All I wanted then was my brother, who shot through to Joburg in a flash.

The next few hours were a blur of all the family guys going through to Hillbrow and insisting on confirming that it was indeed my son lying on that cold slab. Noone says NO to my brother.. They returned with the few belonging that Vincent had on him, minus his shoes and some jewellery – yow, you would think that people would not steal from the dead!

Candida and Vincent on stage at Cool Running with their band called Child of Ash

Someone called the family doctor for sedatives and my daughter-in-law at that point said that she should not take anything as she suspected that she was pregnant. PREGNANT! Two days later we confirm that there was indeed a little light at the end of a very long tunnel. The idea that a part of my son was going to be born, kept me from either taking my own life or going totally insane.

People deal with tragedies in mysterious ways, some don’t want to know too much, while I am the type of person who wanted every last detail.

I remember the chaotic feelings and emotional denials. How could this happen? What happened, when did it happen?

Since Vincent was the 2nd car to hit the overturned vehicle on a dark stretch of the highway, we were able to ascertain that he died at 4.17am. Chatting to my sister a little later in the night, she told us that her then 3 year old had sat up at that exact time, vomited over the edge of her bed, and gone back to sleep. She is a very tuned in little girl – what you may refer to as a Crystal child with psychic abilities.

The bottom fell out of my world and the next few years dragged by in a blur. It was so surreal, like a concrete tube had descended around me and I was emotionally unavailable. Don’t get me wrong, I cried buckets of tears in my more lucid moments, but I generally wandered through life for the next few months, until my grand daughter was born.

‘They’ say that when a person is a dire situation you either fall into FIGHT or FLIGHT. I did neither, and only later learnt that there is the FREEZE reaction as well. One counselor I consulted with told me that my Soul is broken and she couldn’t work with me…. I still wonder about that statement, as I have never felt like a ‘complete’ person again.

If this article seems a bit jumbled it’s because I am reading and editing this interview that was done by Hilda de la Rosa in our 13th edition. This is the first time I am reading it, so I am adding details as I go along. I am ready to share my story now.

Vincent’s funeral was large. There were so many people. Eddy was in charge of who carried Vincent into the church and out again – there were men from both sides of the family. I was told later that I didn’t cry during the funeral, just carried on with the motions. I had sunk below the surface of human feelings. I was not even in a position to think what impact this would have on Vincent’s sister, Candida. I knew she was suffering as much as I was, but it seemed that my heart was just too full of sadness to be able to offer her any real comfort. Candida and Vincent had enjoyed a very close relationship and he often turned to her when he was in trouble. They played in a band together and moved in the same circle of friends. She is missing Vincent more than we know. She is a strong power-girl, someone we all go to when we need advice or just to laugh. She is especially missing her almost daily interactions with her brother.

On the Monday after the funeral, I went back to work. Actually I did not go to work at all. My body just showed up there. I was numb. I could not process that the world just kept on turning and life just seemed to be continuing at its own relentless pace. There seemed to be no tomorrows for me. There was only pain, sadness and a hollow feeling inside me that nothing could fill.

I don’t remember all the people who called or visited to pay their respects, but I do recall thanking them and saying that there are just ‘no words’ but the gestures were appreciated. Three years later…There are still no words. No words that could comfort, or alleviate what I am feeling. I have a massive emptiness inside of me – a big void.

This was Vincent’s corner in the garden, the quiet space where we all added something to decorate the space. My little nieces hung their necklaces on the tree. It was a peaceful retreat, especially at night, alight with lanterns and candles.

At some point I had the overwhelming need to find out what Vincent was listening to on his last journey on this planet. Everyone around me thought I had gone crazy. Leighton took me to the car Vincent’s had been driving. There was so much broken glass. I just remember all the glass – shattered, like my life. I found a lone beer glass. The only piece of glass that was unbroken.

I took a part of the steering wheel home. I thought that perhaps this was the part that had impacted Vincent when he crashed.

The first time I went to see the car at the pound I was alone, and I wanted to sit in the seat where he had died. Crazy but not crazy… whatever!

We used a crowbar to pry the radio out of the dashboard and once it was out I retrieved a CD the last sounds that my beloved son heard. I found two of Vincent’s teeth, Christy’s ring and other bits and pieces. I was gathering the last pieces of my son’s life, including his entire CD collection, most of which has now been shared by us three women in his life.

I have kept the clothes that Vincent wore on his last journey – his shorts, the long pants and the army socks. I still sleep in them, especially in July, so you can all guess what I will be wearing on the night of the 16th of July… Vincent's army socks!

The shirt he died in was full of blood, and after trying to wash it out it was so faded that we dried it, and one evening we all sat around the fire and burned his shirt. Passing bits around the fire and wishing Vincent all the best. We have a very non-conservative family to say the least, we were never brought up with any religious guidance, but we all believe in a Higher Power and that when you die, you are not really gone.

The bloody water from his shirt was ceremonially poured on the ground in a special place in the garden. That became Vincent’s corner – a quiet space that we could all go to and feel a little closer to him. We decorated the area with flowers, beads from the kids, glitter on the ground and many little precious things. Most of us went there everyday. It was just outside my bedroom so I felt some comfort, plus I had collected his ashes and they are still always close by.

Vincent had taught himself to play the guitar at a very young age. He was good at it and become an accomplished and versatile guitarist. This was his passion - his music and his collection of guitars. Candida is a singer and Vincent used to play lead guitar in her band called ‘Child of Ash’.

After he died I took his Ovation guitar, which I had watched and listened to him playing for many, many hours, days and years. It stands in my bedroom along with his ashes to this day.

Candida has the Studio guitar, Christy has an electric guitar and the amp, and one and his dear friends, Ryan, has one, which he had framed and is hanging on his wall at home – forever reminding him of our Vincent.

Christy spent most of her pregnancy with her parents in Mozambique, but returned to South Africa to get ready for the birth. So many people had rallied around to help her prepare for the arrival of her and Vincent’s baby.

She was pretty much set up with everything before Carmen Ché duly arrived – a little early – in a hurry, just like her daddy. I was in the theatre for the birth and what an honour that was to cut the cord and hand Vincent’s daughter to her Mommy. This was definitely one of the most overwhelming moments of my life and I am thankful that I was blessed with the opportunity to be there when my son’s daughter came into this world.

I will never ever forget that feeling – a feeling of hope and connection. Unforgettable it was.

Vincent had been a Montessori student and I witnessed how the “Montessorians’ brought out the best in him. When he was going through a tough time in ‘normal’ school, who wanted to put him on drugs so that he could be manageable in the class I basically told them to f-off and put him into the Montessori Academy in Pretoria, with Glen in charge… that woman was one of the biggest blessings in my son’s life.

He learnt to trust in himself again and found his self-esteem.

I liked their philosophy and approached the then CEO, Sharon Caldwell, to find out if the Montessori Association of SA (SAMA) had an official Montessori magazine. She loved the idea and immediately gave me her full co-operation and support. The name was inspired by a song

by Barkley James Harvest – Child of the Universe, which you can click and listen to on the website.

Child of the Universe is dedicated to the memory of Vincent and our real CEO is little Carmen Ché, who has been featured on many covers over the years. She motivates me to be the best I can possibly be and to produce a magazine that will inspire and encourage the teachers at Montessori and the Montessori moms and dads.

A magazine that will make a difference in people’s lives. A magazine that supports living a conscious, healthy lifestyle and this includes integrity on all levels. Being associated with Montessori South Africa has certainly opened some doors for Child of the Universe. I published the first edition in September 2012.

After Carmen’s birth, it was time for reevaluation. What would I do with my life? What could I do to honour my journey and the life of my son? I knew that I could never again work for someone else. I needed to dance to the rhythm of my own drum. I took stock of what I knew and wondered how I could use that knowledge to create a business for myself. Child of the Universe was conceived. I was planning on studying to be a Montessori teacher so I combined my own interest in Montessori with my skills in digital marketing, advertising sales, and taught myself the rest.

Child of the Universe has continued to grow, and we now have 4 online magazines. My daughter has joined me in the business and between us we pull together our monthly magazines. We encourage and inspire people to be better parents and be happier healthier, more earth-conscious readers.

I am now beginning to learn to cope again. It has been five years since Vincent’s untimely death. I am learning to ‘eat this elephant in little bites’, and also to be gentle with myself.

The hardest thing to cope with is that he’s never gonna walk through that door again with that big, naughty grin on his face and asking for petrol money - as usual. That boy had me wrapped tightly around his little finger!

Vincent lived on the edge. He was always game for an adventure and didn’t want to miss out on anything. He liked people and they were drawn to him in return. His whole life was lived to the maximum. He was fearless. Trouble seemed to find him, even when he was laughing in its face.

Flames that burn so hot never seem to burn for very long... He did some silly things.

My future is connected to Carmen’s, and that is how it should be. I want to be available to both Christy and Carmen, to help where I can financially and be a part of Carmen’s childhood years. Christy has been to hell and back, she is young and still has the guts to fight for what she wants.

I have 3 girls in my life – all Cj’s: Candida Julia, Christy Jardim and of course Carmen Jardim.

Together we will pull through, its not always easy but we are a family. We have had some very rough times though somehow manage to keep our relationships intact. Christy is now dating one of my son’s friends, who loves both the girls very much.

Carmen is a well-adjusted, highly intelligent and captivating child. When she was younger than 3 she used to tell us that her Daddy used to talk to her in her sleep. She told us things about Vincent that she could not possibly have known, other than directly from him. She passed us a few messages from him from time to time. Now that she is growing up, that psychic connection seems to be fading. She is loved by so many people, lacks for nothing and has travelled more than most people my age! She loves to act and dance and manages to pull of pranks with a straight face – her sense of humour comes from all sides of our combined families.

For many years I lived in anxiety, with this constant feeling that there was a large boulder in my chest – and I do need to re-assure others who have lost loved ones, that time certainly helps you put things into perspective. Somehow we learn to live without our precious lost ones. I know that Vincent is around, we have all experienced definite signs, and it’s comforting to know that he is watching over us. He is here, just not in the physical sense. I do believe in a higher power and I know that Vincent’s spirit is always near. I know he is safe and happy where he is now, and that we will meet again.

Through all of this loss and pain I learnt TRUST & FAITH. Trust that our Creator knows what He is doing and faith that everything happens at exactly the right time. However awful it may be.

We talk to Carmen about her Dada often and she knows her daddy is in heaven. We share our special moments with her and show her pictures and videos of her dad. When she was around 2 years old, she pointed to a car that looked exactly like Vincent’s and said, “Daddy’s car”. We don't really know where she got that from. We don’t question it.

What gives me a sense of equilibrium is knowing that I have a mission. I have a great deal I still have to achieve. Making Child of the Universe a magical magazine is one of them. I also know that this magazine can be produced anywhere in the world, and I plan on travelling and helping other people. I have a path that I am meant to follow, and I am going to go where I am needed - I am completely selfsufficient and self-supporting and can work from anywhere in the world. My dreams are now becoming my reality.

My advice to parents who are going through this pain is to try to avoid taking any medication to “help you cope”. All this does is defer or mask the pain and makes you dependent. I have been through it all, the medical profession loves to use you as a guinea pig and I have now had enough… on to natural remedies and support. Take your time. Get over this at your own pace. There is no-one who can explain to you how long this should take. And there is no particular order that you need to follow.

Mourning the death of a child is the most difficult thing to face. Be kind and gentle to yourself. And if you need help – there is so much available out there – reach out and find someone you would like to work things through with. Call us, we can recommend a whole whack of people as well as discuss the various healing modalities.

In a nutshell, I lived through years of self-destructive behaviour. 15 months ago I gave up looking at the world through copious bottles of red wine. My family have encircled me and my daughter has mollycoddled me throughout her own grief. My ex-husband (not Vincent’s father) is always here for me. This year I know I am healing, I am achieving things that I had no interest in doing in the past, and I am learning to live in gratitude. I am living in the NOW! I am trusting the process of my journey though it is one that I would never wish on anyone else. You should never have to outlive your children.

There is life after losing a loved one, I have come to terms with it and am focusing on looking forward, while still cherishing all the memories of Vincent. After all, I have had the pleasure of sharing my life with Vincent twice, once as my baby brother, and then as my son. He clearly had not completed his journey on this earth with me. This train of thought may completely freak you out, but I will save it for another day.

This month my son would have been 31 years old, and it feels like just that other day that I was chasing him around to change his poo-bum!

Cherish your children, that’s all I can say.

Blessings Linda

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By Leanne Gray

Encourage your child to solve problems, be persistent, and own her choices.

(Part 2 of 3)

Last edition we talked about supporting children between the ages of 2.55 in growing their independent skills. This week, we're focusing on the next stage, children between ages 6-9.

There's a remarkable thing that happens right around age 6. Children begin to loose their baby teeth, gain a logical abstract thinking mind, and throw everything you say right out the window.

In Montessori, this transition is the change from the first plane (ages 0-6) to the second plane (6-12).

There is such a huge shift in the way this human now sees the world, communicates, and learns, that she needs a whole new environment to support her. As a result, elementary classrooms are more peer and group focused than Primary classrooms, have way more information and resources available to the children, and have a much higher expectation of self-directed work.

This plane is called the age of reason. Your child will be testing her new logical thinking powers, and will not take your advice at face value (or at all). She needs to reach that conclusion herself. Your job is to minimize the long-term serious consequences, NOT protect her from mistakes. Ex: Let her fall down if she miscalculated a jump, but not so far she breaks her legs. Your child now needs less help with physical independence, and is hungry for intellectual and emotional independence. Elementary age children are developing a conscience, and establishing a value and belief system through every social interaction. They need lots of unstructured time with their peers, opportunities for increased responsibility at home and in the community, and autonomy. Be sure you are offering many opportunities for responsibility of themselves, in the family, and in your community.

Continue to enforce environmental controls, limits, and expectations, but put the responsibility back on your older children for their actions, behavior, and choices. No nagging, reminders, guilt trips, bribes, or empty punishments. Use real life examples like issuing “warning” tickets, or organizing a town hall style family meeting to discuss infractions. Allow your child to feel the full weight of consequences for their actions (within reason). Restrict freedoms as needed (like temporarily revoking a license if you prove you aren’t fit to drive), and clearly state what your child needs to do for the freedom to return.

Stop interfering. This is hard! Your job is not to fix anything, or offer solutions. Instead, guide your children HOW to solve and fix problems by walking them through logical problem solving steps if they are stuck, and offering possible solutions only when they can’t come to them on their own.

At no point do you say “Here’s how you solve that.” Offer questions, not answers. The elementary age child needs to practice her reasoning skills and learn how to work through a problem. Ask guiding questions like: Where could you find out more about that? Have you checked the dictionary? The goal is to teach your children how to handle future problems in a confident, responsible way. Providing answers and solutions undermines this process.

Eg: I can’t find my socks. “Where did you have them last? Where have you looked?” Don’t “rescue” your children from the consequences of their actions, especially the small ones. (don’t go find their socks for them or immediately buy new socks).

Do offer honest, real answers to questions your child can’t easily look up or answer, ex: death, sexuality, human culture, ethics, etc.

Model values and behavior. The six year old is very sensitive to values and highly impressionable. Be sure you are walking your talk and provide a clear model of behavior. You better believe your child is watching your every move and will call you out for being a hypocrite! The work of this age is all about understanding social structures, “how do I fit in with other around me?” including communication, power, cooperation, persuasion, fairness, and right/wrong. Guide your child to express negative emotions in an appropriate, healthy way (i.e.: excusing yourself when you are upset, apologizing, expressing anger without hurting others or things, etc) This is best explained after the fact, when both of you are calm. I highly recommend using needs and feelings to express your emotions.

Encourage empathy, critical thinking, and respectful arguing by playing devil’s advocate to challenge your child's current conclusions—whether you agree or not. Ask a lot of questions, or present conflicting facts or points of view. Beware of your own judgments and assumptions.

Stress the difference between facts and opinions. Facts are non-negotiable, and can be proven.

Opinions must be respected, and good opinions have reasoning behind them (from facts).

E.g.: You can't tell a person who says they don't like peas that they are wrong. That's an opinion, not a fact. You can, however, persuade them that peas are indeed delicious.

Teach your children any missing skills or tools that they need to solve their problems or meet a goal.

This could be using a index, how to fold a shirt, how to phrase your emotions, etc. Follow these problem solving steps to break down a big idea together:

Problem solving steps:     

Identify what you want to do, and why.

Consider what a successful outcome looks like. (These steps might be intuitive and quick.)

Brainstorm the steps to get there (I like the little card method for big projects) Organize the steps into a logical order.

Decide on what you need to do, any materials, and do it.

See how I guided a six year old to design, plan, and implement his garden project here.

HOPE BEGINS WITH YOU Get ready for Sunflower Day: 16 September 2016 A new era has dawned for The Sunflower Fund, bringing with it fresh and exciting new transformations.

Along with the new tagline “Hope begins with you”, the organisation has given National Bandana Day a complete facelift. The Sunflower Fund together with our key sponsor, Pick n Pay are delighted to announce a brand new campaign, called “Sunflower Day”, which will be celebrated on the third Friday of September annually.

The campaign will run from August to the end of September, with the highlight being “Sunflower Day”, which will take place on 16 September in 2016.

The organisation’s iconic bandana has also undergone a significant change. Earlier this month, we unveiled our new commemorative product, known as the Tube of Hope - Tope, a revitalised version of the bandana, reflecting the renewed enthusiasm and excitement for our mission of increasing the number of stem cell donors in South Africa!

With its unique design, the Tube of Hope - Tope is an affordable, multipurpose article of clothing that can be worn as a headband, mask, scarf, cap or arm-band. Being broadly versatile, it may be used in a wide variety of sports or outdoor activities and will be available in 6 eye catching colours. The Tope offers practical functionality for the entire family. It also gives wearers the opportunity to show their support for this important cause.

It will be available in a children’s size (R20.00 incl VAT) and an adults’ size (R25.00 incl VAT) and will go on sale at Pick n Pay stores nationwide, Round Table and several other retailers, including online store, Zando, in August 2016.

Please join in and celebrate Sunflower Day, launching on 7st August 2016, as Hope really does begin with you!

Ways you can help is to support the Sunflower Day campaign and buy your Tope, become a donor, or visit: www.sunflowerfund.org.za and click on the DONATE button to make a quick and easy cash donation.

ALANA JAMES CEO: The Sunflower Fund

HOPE BEGINS WITH YOU About The Sunflower Fund The Sunflower Fund, a South African NonProfit Company (NPC), is dedicated to creating awareness, educating the public and handling the registration process for people to join the South African Bone Marrow Registry (SABMR).

The Sunflower Fund pays for the test cost of people joining the SABMR. This is fundamental to saving the lives of thousands of South Africans each year. The chance of finding a matching donor is 1 in 100,000 – and as ethnic origin plays a significant role in the search for a donor, South Africa’s rainbow nation is at a distinct disadvantage, requiring a large pool of prospective donors.

The aim of The Sunflower Fund is to increase the number of donors on the current registry to at least 400,000 with proportionate representation of the four main ethnic groups in South Africa.

Should you wish to become a donor, support one of the fundraising projects or make a financial contribution, please contact The Sunflower Fund on toll-free number: 0800 12 10 82.

Visit www.sunflowerfund.org.za to learn more or look out for the DONATE button to make a cash donation via the website.

Media contact: Lauren Corlett Tel: (021) 701-0661 / Cell: 082 688 4788 Email: lauren@sunflowerfund.org.za

with much appreciation to our advertisers, contributors, endorsers and our readers namaste