Wise Words From Our Dads by Jill Martinez Asbill

Zechariah 7:9 “Thus says the Lord of hosts, render true judgments, show kindness and mercy to one another.”

When I was young, my Dad would resolve an argument between my brother and me by saying this one sentence: “Whatever is fair.” Can you imagine being a seven and nine-year-old, standing there trying to seek justice from an adult only to have to resolve this conflict together? Some may perceive that as a cop-out in parenting, but I perceive it as one of the best situations that he could have placed upon us. We were infuriated, but we resolved it on our own.

Today I am rearing three children, and one the phrases that their wonderful father, “Pepe,” would refer to in many situations was a quote from Star Trek: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.” I have been placed in many situations when I had to make a decision that affected all three of my children.

As we can all relate, making a decision that is fair for our children, for our employees, for the team, or for a group of friends, is difficult, because not everyone will feel good about it. However, if they know that the person making the decision is trying to be fair, it softens the individual disappointment. “Whatever is fair” has been a fabulous gift from my father. There are many other Proverbs that refer to the Grace of fairness, but this one may be speaking to a part of what we are going through, during this time. Small and fair actions, now, are going to be for the good of the many.

My husband Chris has the blessing of having two Dads. I asked him about a lesson that he learned regarding fairness from his father and stepfather. One phrase that has had an impact on him from when he was a teenager was the day his Dad sat him down and said, “This is not a hotel.” Meaning, it is not fair to your stepmother, or to me, that you are doing your thing as a busy teenager and taking for granted that we are cleaning up your mess, when you are old enough not to leave work for other people to do for you. When I asked him, his stepfather, Rev. Tom McCloskey, he said, “He is never unfair.” I recall having a conversation with Tom, after June of 2016, when his congregation was at the First United Methodist Church of Orlando. I asked him about the tragic time of the mass shooting at the Pulse nightclub, and his decision to conduct funeral services for victims who were not members of the church. He said, “It was the right thing to do.” He went on about caring for their families and their need for healing. However, those seven words defined fairness, and that is how Tom reacts, and then takes it into action. Being fair and kind, and a steward of God’s grace is what I took away from that conversation.

In addition, to point of being fair to each other, ever changing technology has imposed a tremendous challenge for parents and grandparents regarding the guidance of their children in our modern and global society. My prayer is that our guidance, as Christians, will guide our children, and our grandchildren, to always do and “post” what is fair and good. We have a responsibility to guide their fair actions. Eventually, when their actions and reactions are not within our control, we must trust that they can handle it, because not only parents, but “the village” of our church members have helped to guide them along the way. Sometimes, there are no easy answers to questions about what is fair. However, if we make trying to be fair a priority in our actions at home, at work, and within our community, with the Grace of God . . . sit back and watch!

Jill Martinez, father and brother

Chris Asbill and his father