Manasquan Life December 2018

Holiday 2018

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Inside this Issue...

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A Chance to Struggle

Back to Earth

Gratitude Ritual for a Healthier, Hapier Holiday

Fashion Frenzy

Boundaries...in Business and Life

The Power of Positive Thinking

How Do You Know You’re On the Right Path? ...and much more!

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The Power of Positive Thinking Book Report How Do You Know You’re On the Right Path?

by Allison Feehan, N.D., D.Psc, CRMT

I am asked on a daily basis by my clients, “Am I on the right path?

How do I know if I’m on the right path?” This is usually followed by comments that they feel different or that things around them seem to be changing. They feel an urge that things need to change but sometimes they can’t put their finger on what exactly that is. Other times they feel stuck and don’t know how to get out of it yet not knowing or realizing that they are on the right path.

Having little to no resistance when it comes to reaching a goal, landing that job, buying that new house, openAllison Feehan ing a business, etc. is another clear N.D., D.Psc, CRMT indication that you are in fact on the Owner of Integrative right path. It’s when you see a ton Healing and Wellness of resistance, set-backs, or delays 732.202.6797 523 Main Avenue that you should consider listening to Bay Head, NJ the Universe on rethinking that path or changing directions. You still may obtain whatever it is that your setting out to do but the resistance may be exhausting and not for your highest and greatest good in the end. The path of least resistance is the better path to take.

Seeing numbers repeatedly throughout the day, is one sign that the Universe is talking to you. The numbers are either the same numbers or in synchronicity such as, 11:11, 12:12, 3:33, etc. If you start to see these numbers daily or more often throughout the week then you are definitely vibrating at a much higher frequency.

What I mean by this is, you start to attract the same frequency as the numbers themselves. Have you ever wanted a car and then once you have the car you start to notice that there are a lot of that model on the road? You thought buying that car was new and not a lot of people had the newer model. We attract the frequency that we wish to see or manifest. This is a clear indication that you are on the right path and that you can change your frequency to manifest that which you want to see in your life.

Try changing your frequency by asking the Universe to show you a different set of numbers than the ones your seeing and prepare for the magic to happen.

A lot of my clients claim to see certain animals repeatedly such as, a red cardinal or a deer. I’ve always seen that our loved ones that have crossed over are very helpful in guiding us in the right direction. You might see one of these animals or hear someone talk about them as your trying to close on your new home or land that business deal. Nature and wildlife are a huge part of this Universal connection and taking direction from them has deemed helpful to many.

Vivid dreams are another sign that you are on the right path.

So much symbolism can be found in your dreams. Not all of us remember our dreams and that is ok. You may have a memory recall that seems familiar during that day that may trigger us to follow that guidance. Pay attention. Don’t brush off something that seems so coincidental. “Coincidence” is the right path.

I’ve also seen clients have little to no resistance when it comes to reaching a goal or obtaining something they wished for. They get nervous that things just seem to be going to easy for them and that they are worried the shoe is going to drop somehow.

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Rover Rescue Are Your Ready for Adoption?

by Lauren Kehoe

The adoption process can be overwhelming. With so many places battling for your attention, it is hard to decide where to go for a dog. There are local shelters, breed specific rescues, breeders, internet and newspaper ads, and puppy stores. We all want to do the right thing, which can be hard to decide when being bombarded with a bunch of information.

One resource shelters and rescues utilize everyday is petfinder.com. This website lists animals from all avenues in your area.

You can set the distance, breed, sex, age, Lauren Kehoe and other specifications. It allows you too is an avid look at a variety of adoptable dogs in one animal lover and dog owner. place. From there, you can jump to a rescue or shelter’s external website. The first step if you’re interested and ready for a dog is filling out an application. Some places are very lenient, while others are stricter and require home checks or references. The thoroughness of the process to adopt a dog does not make a group good or bad. Each center has its rules for different reasons, and ultimately want what is best for their dogs.

Your application may be approved, or they may ask for more information.

Working in rescue, my first recommendation is always shelters and rescues. There are responsible breeders out there, but papered purebreds can cost hundreds or even thousands of dollars. Puppy stores are also expensive, and often source their pups from overbred, unhealthy puppy mill females. Puppy mills typically have unsafe, unsanitary conditions and can lead to an array of health issues.

So you want to adopt a dog.

Where to start? If there is a local shelter in your area, it can be a good first stop.

Often dogs are surrendered due to life changes such as moving, having a new baby, money, etc. They are adoptable dogs who just ran into some bad luck. Typically, you can go into these shelters and look at the animals they have available. The shelter staff should have some background or personality information, and if you meet and fall in love with the dog, there usually is an adoption fee to help cover spay/neuter, vaccines, etc.

Once you are finished with an application, typically they will set up an appointment with an adoption counselor or staff member. These workers can introduce you to the dog you are interested in and offer other suggestions if it isn’t a good fit.

If you already have a dog at home, they may require you bring the dog in to introduce in a neutral space. Once you find your forever friend, there is an adoption agreement and donation fee (usually much lower than buying a dog). If anything were to happen down the line, many places even allow you a guarantee to return the dog to them. While we should do all we can to prepare for the lifetime commitment of an animal, it is nice to have an emergency backup. Adopting a dog can seem intimidating, but once you start the process, its often found that shelters and rescues are more than happy to do all they can to match the perfect dog to your home.

There are lots of rescues out there as well. Some are general and some are breed specific. Rescues may have a physical location or could be a group of foster parents. The benefits of fosters are they have time to build a relationship with the dogs and learn any likes, dislikes, and possible quirks. Depending on your lifestyle, knowing the background of a rescue dog can help ease the transition into a home.

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Shore Decor Modern Luxuries

by Ashleigh Young Santamaria

Perhaps it’s the cold weather or the fact that the holidays are a time where you’re focused on everyone but yourself, but December and January months are all about bringing elements of luxurious comfort into your home.

Much has been written about what defines “luxury” today. Luxury used to mean rare, hard to get, and expertly crafted products marketed under a well-known brand name and defined by high quality and higher prices. But today luxury has taken on a decidedly more approachable air where one can have access to high quality products and still have money left over to enjoy and experience life.

Faux Fur

A wide variety of soft, indulgent and animal friendly faux fur home accessories offer an alternative to real fur like the shearling and mink throws shown here from west elm and Safavieh sheepskin rug (all under $100). They are perfect for winter and for warming up the look of any room in the home.

Flowers & Botanicals

Fresh flowers and botanicals are an everyday luxury you can find in your local grocery store. Instead of buying plastic wreaths for the holidays, reward your senses with real wreaths and garlands made of eucalyptus, magnolias, pine, cedar and other fragrant greenery, like the one shown to the right, from The Bouqs Co. ($9 nationwide delivery, free for weekday orders $100+).

Velvet

Velvet is another trend that’s morphed from old fashioned and stuffy to luxurious and funky and is showing up in everything from sofas to throw pillows like the Anke Drechsel silk velvet fringe pillow in amaretto, shown to the right.

One-of-a-Kind Pieces

Finally, many decorators are partial to fixtures and accessories created by local artists and small businesses, which tend to be unique and personal versus items that are mass manufactured for chain stores. Some great examples are these pewter and gold bowls (bottom photo to right) from Bayhead ceramists Source and Tradition and this antique revolving mirrored ball pendant light from the 1920s (top photo to right), just one of the many unique items available at Ormolu, Point Pleasant’s local interior design and antiques shop owned by Claudia Barr.

No matter what your design style, remember to reward yourself with a little luxury this holiday season and that life’s true luxuries are health, time and beautiful moments created with friends and family. Have fun and happy decorating!

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CEREMONIES AT THE BAY HEAD FIREHOUSE Bay Head School Musical Program at 6PM Hot Cocoa & Hot Dogs GJurtMy ofBH.Y.C. d Boy ScoUM SANTA ARRIVES B Y FIRE TRUCK at 6:.J0PM

OPEN HOUSE INALL THE SHOPS e3 BUSINESSES from 5:30-8PM DIANE TURTON, Realtors - 88 Bridge Ave. Come hear the Brass Band play the joys of the season while you enjoy refreshments. We will be collecting unwrapped toys to support area children through Collier Youth Services and Casa of Ocean County. 6-8PM THE JOLLY TAR- 56 Bridge Ave. Friday evening refresh­ ments. The 3rd Annual Memorial Stars will be hung through­ out the Holiday Season. Come in anytime to 611 out a Memorial Star honoring a loved one, family, &iend or pet.

MUELLER'S BAKERY- 80 Bridge Ave. Stop in for free coffee, tea & a special savory snack. : THERAPEUTIC TOUCH- 58 Bridge Ave (2nd floor) Stop : in over the weekend to enter our drawing for a Back, Neck & Shoulder Rescue and Spa Gift Basket. ($100 value)

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TANGERINE BOUTIQUE- 84 Bridge Ave. Don't forget our furry &iends in shelters this holiday season! Bring an item for a shelter animal & receive an entry to win a gift certificate!

THE COASTAL COTfAGE BAY HEAD - 60 Bridge Ave. Come join us for our GRAND OPENING & some holiday spirits! Enter to win a gift certificate!

INTEGRATIVE HEALING & WELLNESS Come meet this gifted team at our new location behind The Coastal Cottage Bay Head. We will be hanging out with the gift shop crew & enjoying spirits & laughs. Enter to win a gift certificate for a modality of your choice. · • : : .!-· - . -- , . ­ -: I,,, I: •• ,- · .U- , ! ,.

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Fashion Frenzy Boundaries…in Business and Life

By Denise Brady Acanfora, Certified Personal Stylist and Owner, The Urban Exchange

Why do boundaries get a bad rap?? Boundaries create the space for the blessings to come in and work their magic.

Setting boundaries allows you to determine what is important to you. Learning what other people’s boundaries are offers you insight regarding what they identify as important to them. It’s your job to set your own boundaries. If you don’t – others will impose their boundaries on you since they can’t sense what yours are. As a result, there will be hurt, anger and frustration because you will feel unseen and unheard in your personal and business relationships. Don’t let that happen. Take some time to decide what you will and will not allow. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It creates guidelines and pathways for acceptable behavior. Better communication is the result of well defined boundaries. Boundaries clear the path and lead the way to strong relationships.

chaos in the shop and nobody would benefit from that.

I have set up the guidelines for what I want the shop to look and feel like. I have established boundaries for what type of music we listen to in the shop. I have established boundaries for what colors we decorate with in the shop. I have established the boundaries for what brands we do and do not accept in the shop. This creates order and consistency which frees up time for us to connect with our customers and have a fun shopping experience. So - when I say No- it’s not to be mean or difficult.

I say No in order to safeguard the boundaries of my business.

We each have to trust our own instincts. And we must believe that when someone is telling us No it’s because they are trusting their instincts. Be kind. Be polite. But do not allow anyone to mistake your kindness for weakness. Stay within your boundaries and safeguard what is important to you. Just like I did the other day when a woman responded with the ultimatum “Well, it’s now or never! I am leaving for Florida so you have to take my things.” I kindly told her where to go. (No, not like that, silly!)

I gave her the names of the other consignment shops in town.

An essential component to establishing boundaries is becoming okay with saying No and accepting No. As Anne Lamott says

NO...Is a complete sentence.

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You need to be able to say No in order to safeguard your happiness and well being. You also must also be able to accept No from others. Remember – they are protecting their boundaries, too. When we disregard our boundaries we are disappointed with ourselves and project that as anger onto the other person. When we don’t respect our own boundaries we then give others permission to do the same. No good can come from this. Relationships will suffer.

the Price!

No matter what your job is – I believe life lessons present themselves in ways that are relevant to you. As the saying goes – you gotta speak to people in a language they understand.

The lesson for setting boundaries is ongoing for me. When I say the shop is full and we are not accepting more items I get pushback. Women argue with me and try to get me to change my mind so that they get what they want. When we are accepting items but I pass on certain things they have brought in there are lots of questions. Why won’t I take it? Will I take it at another time? Why don’t I like it? Some Star Wars wisdom seems relevant here. “I didn’t set this boundary either to offend or please you. I did it to manage the priorities and goals I have set for my life.” It’s my job to establish and uphold the boundaries for accepting consignment. I know what we can and can not fit in our small shop. I have a keen sense for what will and will not sell with our customers. It’s my job to safeguard the boundaries for the shop so that the business runs smoothly and successfully. If I said Yes to everything it would create

Holiday 2018

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This Foundation was established to provide drug and behavioral health curriculum and education to local schools for the prevention of addiction.

Nicholas was a graduate of Point Pleasant Borough High School who passed away in November 2016 from a heroin overdose. His family is hopeful that this foundation will help bring awareness of this epidemic in New Jersey, especially Ocean County.

Donations to the Nicholas Hudanish Foundation can be mailed to: 703 Hommann Ave., Perth Amboy, NJ 08861

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Parental Guidance A Chance to Struggle

By Maureen Whelan

I remember hearing a story about a young man who believed he was meek and inadequate.

He lived in a house where every day, he would watch out his window as others passed by, and he would become sad as he admired them. The people who passed were strong, and filled with purpose. One day a muscular man stopped to talk to the young man. The young man asked his new acquaintance what he could do to become strong and respected. The gentleman pointed to a large boulder and replied, “Everyday you need to come out of your house, and try to move this rock.” Inspired, the young man got right to work. The boulder was very large, yet everyday he came out of his house. He pushed and he pulled on the large boulder for hours. He tied ropes, and asked others for help. Months past by, and the young man saw his friend again. He was upset, as he told his friend, “Every day I pushed and pulled on that rock! I even asked for help and that rock didn’t move! I accomplished nothing!”

The older gentleman smiled. “Look at you”, he said. “Your shoulders and arms are strong and muscular, your skin is tanned, and you have met many men who have become your friends. They admire your spirit to move the immovable. I never asked you to move the rock, I only asked you to try. It was in trying, and struggling that you’ve developed your strength”.

It’s difficult to watch our children struggle. We all want to put on our cape at some point, and rescue our children. Before you do that, ask yourself, do they really need rescuing, or do I just want to wear the cape? In rescuing, we may want to send the message that “I’ll always be there for you”, or “Dad is a superhero”, but the message our child receives is, “I don’t believe you can do this on your own”. If the goal of parenting is to develop capable, independent thinking children, then you must allow for some failure. Failure without judgement of living up to IQ scores, your expectations, or anyone else’s. Failure at a young age develops use of trial and error as a problem solving strategy. Failure develops creativity in learning.

Failure develops perseverance. Acknowledging failure, allowing natural consequences, even when painful, also provides a valuable lesson. If your child drops her ice cream cone while running around, the lesson isn’t learned if the ice cream cone is replaced. If your child gets upset when he doesn’t get his way, giving into his demands only reinforces negative acting out behaviors. Your child doesn’t see your cape. He only sees that yelling and tantrums are a successful strategy to use when pursuing his choices. When expectations are lifted, altered or removed this encourages limit testing, as she child seeks to understand where the immoveable boundary line is.

Maureen Whelan is a pediatric Occupational Therapist and mother of 4.

Unfortunately, some kids are dealt with more challenges in life than most. Autism, mental health issues, learning disabilities, and pervasive delays are just a few childhood conditions that tilt the scales for some kids. If you were teaching your young one to swim, you might let them struggle a bit, as they gain an awareness of how to move their arms and legs, but you wouldn’t let them drown.

Even children who are challenged need opportunities of trial and learning, but they might need some extra help.

So get in the pool with them, practice with swim vests, blow up armbands, a kick board and a tube.

Support them in their effort to swim, but whatever you do, don’t rescue them from the pool!

When children are raised with unconditional love, and expectations they grow into individuals who are ambitious in their attempts, humble in their successes, reflective of their mistakes, and accepting of others imperfections.

Most of all, your children develop strength in the face of adversity, self-worth, and purpose.

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Wounded Warrior Project gives families hope.

WOUNDED WARRIOR JASON EHRHART AND HIS PARENTS

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Sea Shorties Clouds get a bad rap.

Theres always some sort of negative connotation surrounding them.

“Every cloud has a silver lining” “Need clouds to appreciate the sun” “Cloudy judgement” As if the cloud is the bad guy in every instance.

It’s not how I see it though.

The clouds protect her.

The sun, that is.

They shield her when she is not ready to shine.

They hide her when she is feeling vulnerable.

They block her view from things she doesn’t want to see.

They surround her as she rises and sets and the hours in between.

When there are clouds in the sky, the sun is no longer alone.

They do the same for the moon.

Clouds also store the tears of a million stars, and then are kind enough to share them in the form of rain.

They actually just take what is already beautiful, in its own right,and accentuate it.

You know what is exactly like the clouds? Your family. Your friends.

Your loved ones.

In your own life, you are the sun and the moon. and your people surround you.

To protect you. To shield you.

To hide you.

To store your tears.

To accentuate your beauty.

Have you ever noticed that when the sun comes out from behind the clouds, she seems to be brighter than she was before?

Again, same with the moon.

Clouds just seem to make him shine brighter.

And it’s the same with us.

The people that surround you shouldn’t dull your shine, they should highlight it.

So don’t be afraid to lean on them.

To hide behind them occasionally.

That’s what they are there for.

And the clouds are here to remind us of that.

But if you are feeling lonely, and exposed, in a cloudless sky, call someone.

Let them be your cloud.

C.L. Bruno

Holiday 2018

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At FITFUN we have a team of experienced interventionists dedicated to supporting families in reaching their full potential. We work with the unique needs of each individual through play, fitness, exploration of nature, and engagement in life activities. We work to develop social, motor, communication, cognitive, and life skills needed to become meaningful members of the community. Our collaborative team is knowledgeable in the many facets of health and development needed to create a strong foundation. Our goal is to provide families with support and positive environments for children who are engaged in their world and pursue a purpose in life.

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• Occupational Therapy • Physical Therapy • Speech Therapy • Behavioral Supports • Family Training • Parent Coaching • Life skills — prevocational • Life skills — leisure/ fitness

Maureen De Jacimo, OTR cell: 732-608-3199 • modejacimo@gmail.com

From Our Family to Yours...

Happy Holidays!

www .t ypho on m edi an j .c om Holiday 2018

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Healthy Morsels, II Finding the Root of Obesity

by Lynn O’Hara

especially when so many people believe this? Well, society is wrong. People who fat shame are wrong. The overweight woman is not the one who is wrong. It is no one’s business how much you weigh.

No one has any right to comment on your weight or your appearance. No one.

I recently watched the AMC series, “Dietland” and urge anyone reading this to watch the show. The series is based on the dieting and recovery of Plum, the overweight late 20’s to early 30’s main character. Plum is trying desperately to lose weight so she can have gastric bypass surgery. She eats next to nothing, going so far as to spit out the frosting she licks off her fingers after baking a cake for a job. Dietland isn’t just another show about the travails of a woman trying to become thin. This show looks at the torment and teasing inflicted upon women who are overweight by society and their own inner critics. There is a decidedly feminist bent to the show, which, while a bit far fetched, speaks volumes to what women, and not just the overweight ones, have endured over the years and their resulting anger.

Blaming the overweight for being overweight is doing nothing to help change the situation. Doctors and nurses who tell an obese person they are obese are not helping. Does anyone really think people don’t realize they are carrying too much weight? Shame is not a motivator. As a matter of fact, feeling shamed is a major reason people overeat. Food is used as a soother for a number of unpleasant feelings. Being overweight is not going to change just because a person tells you it should. I recently heard a person complain she didn’t like the fact that there were overweight models in her Talbot’s catalog. When I asked why she had a problem with that she said “obesity shouldn’t be promoted”. Wow! As if someone finally being able to find fashionable clothes rather than a muumuu was going to make a person want to gain weight. Since almost 70% of people are overweight shouldn’t there be smart clothing to fit those sizes?

One of the most striking concepts of the show for me is how women have taken on the burden of the discrimination they receive for being overweight, and the misogyny and patriarchy inflicted upon them as something they deserve. Women do that. Why do we do that? Some get angry but a good many women feel they have done something to deserve the bad behavior they receive from others, especially men. Please know this article is not about man bashing at all. Rather it is about how women respond to bad behavior they receive from others. Why, in the name of all that is good and just, do women take this on? I have clients who feel they are unworthy of love because they are overweight? Where has this belief come from and why do women carry it? More importantly, how do we get rid of it? It can be really hard to not believe something that has been a truth of our society for eons. Women are judged by their weight and it starts really early in a girls life. To not take in that judgment requires going against society and against something one has been told since they were a toddler.

How can society be wrong

Holiday 2018

Lynn O’Hara, MS, RD, LPC Licensed Psychotherapist Registered Dietitian (732) 899-9312 www.lynnoharalpc.com

I could go on and on about the injustices to overweight people and especially overweight women. The truth of all this boils down to one thing: people continue to gain weight despite all the shaming.

Maybe we should all head back to the drawing board and figure out where the real problems lie and there are many. That I’ll have to save for another article. Until next time, eat healthy, be happy and watch “Dietland”!

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Back to Earth Gratitude Ritual For a Healthier, Happier Holiday

by Natalie Berko

Thanksgiving has come and gone and now is the time when many of us take time to reflect upon all that we are thankful for. You have probably been doing this ritual for a long time as a tradition. With mindfulness practices becoming increasing in vogue research has shown that there are majot benefits to a regular gratitude practice. Robert Emmons, a professor in UC Davis’ psychology department and author of ‘Gratitude Works’, defines gratitude as an awareness of how we are supported and sustained by others as well as the desire to give back the good that we receive. People who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems. Gratitude doesn’t need to be reserved only for momentous occasions. One may express gratitude for a promotion at work but it is important to also acknowledge the small things like a warm cup of coffee. Gratitude practice empowers us to take control over our emotional lives, and not be at the whim of circumstance. The following are a few ways to kick start a gratitude practice and maintain it as a lifelong habit.

Write a Letter...

In a 2011 study of more than 200 relatively happy undergraduate students, those who wrote one meaningful letter of gratitude per week over the cause of three weeks – spending approximately 15 to 20 minutes on each – experienced significant gains in happiness and life satisfaction, and a decrease in depressive symptoms. This type of journaling works because it slowly changes the way we perceive situations by adjusting what we focus on. While you might always be thankful for your great family, writing “I’m grateful for my family” week after week doesn’t keep your brain on alert for fresh moments. When you are writing be as specific as possible and stretch yourself beyond the great stuff right in front of you.

Opening your eyes to more of the world around you can deeply enhance your gratitude practice.

Holiday 2018

Speak Mindfully...

Gratitude is as much about what you don’t say as what you do. Studies suggest that complaining about one’s problems may be linked to depression and anxiety.

There are also benefit to venting of course but it’s all about striking a balance.

Grateful people have a particular linguistic style. They will tend to talk about things such as gifts, blessings, fortune and abundance. Ungrateful people will tend to focus on deprivation, deservingness, regrets, need, scarcity and loss. The trick is to watch what you say, train your brain to speak positively both vocally and internally.

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Natalie Berko Certified Crystal Healer

Immerse Yourself In It...

If you feel you need an extra push to actually make gratitude a part of your daily life, reading inspirational materials can be a powerful tool. Ralph Waldo Emerson to Charles Dickens have weighed in on the importance of giving thanks and spending a few minutes reading others’ reflections of the importance of the practice will help you take it seriously in your own life. Once you have embraced your gratitude practice, give it some time before expecting changes. Habits take about three weeks and by then you should be experiencing positive changes.

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Holiday 2018

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