Everything I’ve loved, Ever wanted to become, The sum of the life I’ve known, Routines and familiar ways of living I’d sewn into every fiber of my being, Had felt like it disappeared. There was so much grief held within the belief I had experienced a great loss.
cellular war AUTHOR Angelina Horta My body was built to tear me down from the moment I was created, An encoded hatred that pervaded my cells and DNA. It wasn’t the first time I’ve fought this type of war, Another new diagnosis, Sure, I’ve been here before. But like a prisoner trapped in my own body that attacks itself, Trying to escape, Held down by shackles, And confined to cages, Wanting so desperately to be liberated and freed. In that moment the doctor diagnosed me with this new disease, There was a sudden gap in my sense of identity. I had become a lost entity, Who no longer understood who I was, As the things I based my worth and joy on had to be put to a complete pause. This was the change I had ultimately always feared. 26 | APRIL 2023
Loss of a familiar life, And what I’ve come to known, Robbed of my peace, And a safe and healthy body that I once called my home. Because the world kept moving forward, While it felt like mine was falling behind, As my state of mind began to decline, Where I could feel my identity starting to become defined by illness. Routines shifted from testing the knowledge in my brain, To testing the contents of my blood. From solving practice problems, To healing my health, Preventing it from hitting rock bottom.