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SOUTHWORDS
June 7, 1972
W e , Being of? Mind and Body Do Bequeath... I, Mary Beth Krebs, being of Innocent mind, body and reputation, leave to Mr. Ken Beatty, sponsor of Southwords, one bottle of Clairol Shampoo-In Hair Color to cover the 300 more gray hairs I gave him. To Judy Daly, next year's editor-in-chief, I leave an inexhaustible file of social science press releases from Uncle Otto, with ten pages of instructions on how-to-edit. To all the teachers whose classes I s l e p t through after working on Southwords aU night, I leave the thermos of cold coffee that I didn't drink to keep me awake. To the administration I leave three terrifying ediorials that were never printed, with a reminder that constructive criticism builds "better young men." Dave Johnson and Bob Seitz leave the school. We, the Godfathers of Maine South Student Council, Messr. Thomas E. Lanctot (D-C-114) and Thomas F. Bush, being of corrupt mind and decrepit body, do hereby bequeath to our sibling caesar Vincent Michael Clemens Mr. Bush's position as propaganda chairman and Mr. Lanctot's position as C-114 machine boss. We also leave him one jar of instant coffee to keep the machine's leading rubber stamp J. Norman "Dad" Anderson in Council plus the ingredients for Irish coffee for those extra heavy vetoing sessions. To help Vince in his efforts next year to open new avenues of revenue for Student Council we leave him five decks of cards and a roulette wheel. Finally, we offer Vince our assistance in dividing Student Council's treasury 3500 ways duriag his upcoming presidential campaign. I, Don Berg, being of the soundest mind and body for four years, do bequeath my school possessions to some unwilling people left for four more years, suckers. To Mike Cushman, I leave my supply of Earth Science cheat sheets used in passing the course. To Gary Foley, I leave all my contrabass reeds for his use in band next year. To my little freshman friend. Rick Anderson, I leave all my chemistry notes, hoping he gets J. Windbigler. This takes care of everything but one. To my brother, coming to school next year, I give my four-year-old gym uniform with the name Talamantez on the trunks and Berg on the shirt. Lots of luck to all who are left. Tough luck. MAINE SOUTH WILLS — BD We, Dianne Kinast and Diane Wille, being of domestic minds and chemical-scarred bodies, do hereby will to the girls who will be taking AP Chemistry next year our dirty test tubes and rusty bunsen burners, a class of competent dedicated males who will put up with the dumb mistakes made by "sloppy women chemists," and our dear Mr. Cook who will depend on you to answer all his questions
Department Award Language Eilleen Lynch
about chemistry and its relation to washing dishes, cleaning house, and other things that women are supposed to know about. We, the seaselessy nagging, sainted senior sisters of Ken Chan, Mike Groziak, Kirke Machon, Chet Kerr, and Tom Zdeblick, in hopes that they follow in our not too steady footsteps, do (with relief) bequeath our life-long supplies of wilted paperback books; four years' worth of carbon lab books; one slightly used, bushy walrus; one Warsaw warrior; a super deluxe golden issue of the continuing saga of Spocnman; the keys to "our" slowly sinking cars; and the fun and jollies of being the oldest in the family. Have two more luscious years. We, Lynn Poggensee and Betsy Rossen, Weirdo and Weirdo Inc. of English 4AP, periods 78A, give to cur mentor Mr. Dan Siikowski our undivided attention, which he never before received. Also, we give the privilege of being "Back Row Beauty Babes" to any up and coming junior whippersnappers. I, Russ Otis, being of semiconscious mind and lithe body, do hereby bequeath nothing to anybody for the simple reason that nobody I know has any use for anything I have, and beside which, I worked too hard to earn it, why when I was a boy and we had no money. Well, 1 had to walk 2,978 miles in the pouring rain and I never went to school on nice days, and I love my country, and God, WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? We, Mike Rusin, Steve Schmunk and Jim Bruce, of curly Kenny Faulhaber's sixth period Government-Democracy Ace. class do hereby will to any foolhardy student who, by some unlucky twist of fate, finds himself in this infamous class, his "short" reading assignments of 100 pages, his dubious ability to remain "unprejudiced" towards the most antagonizing students, his radical doctrines, his cool, collected head, and finally, a bronzed copy of Clash of Issues, which Kenny loves so much. What else could a student ask for? We, Roxie Nichols and Mary Haipin, being of sound mind and voluptuous body, do hereby bequeath to Kim Burson the editorship of the Backstage Banter in the hope that she will keep up the unbiased reporting that this paper is famous for. To Barb Stinson we leave all our skinny knit tops with horizontal stripes. To Jim West we leave our Zap comic. Finally to Mr. Chastain and Mr. Martello we leave the uncut version of 2,001 Insults for all Occasions should they ever run out of material. I, Kathy Connor, being of spaced out mind and tired body do hereby leave to my skinny freshman sister, Eileen, my four lunch periods, my list of "reasons " for not making it to class.
Department Award Mathematics James Bruce
and my long time friendship with Miss Iliff. To everyone else I just leave. We, Rita Kollupaylo and Janie Mangol, known by some as the "twirpie-duo," being of totally mutilated bodies and undecipherable minds, leave Miss Voelz to any bubbly duo who will unselfishly take the time to guide her as she stumbles aimlessly in the halls. (A word of advice: a good joke now and then keeps her spirits high). P.S. To Miss Voelz, and those who love us so, we just leave— quietly, for a change! I, John A. Sterba, bequeath my marching pelvic strap to a promising drummer, Lynn Frystak. I, Mike Stephen, being of great voice and warped mind do hereby bequeath to Gary Grandolph ten easy lessons on how to be the greatest disc jockey. To next year's WMTH staff I leave many hours of walking around the studio in your bare feet. To Mr. Lloyd Spear and Mr. Hal Chastain I leave the Maine South auditorium sound system to be fouled up by next year's crew. To Mr. John Kilcuilen I bequeath "The Jim Ryum Story" for added excitement during those long runs through the forest preserves. Finally, to Mrs. Benjamin I leave an unused copy of "How to be the successful station manager of a radio station."
Chuck DiFranco, Scot Joern and Dave Bamett, our returning members, the Ulustrious weekend meeting place and our grand tradition of three or four parties every week. I, Carol Schalk, being of spacy mind and constantly dieting body, will one very slightly used Pep Club uniform to any girl on next year's council who hopes to hold a job and remain on council. May she get more use out of it than I did. After four nail-biting, heartbreaking, side-splitting years at our almost alma mater, we Cook and Clark, alias Hope and Bitty, Dynamic Duo, J o l l y Greens, Troublesome Twosome and "Fatties," have acquired a reputation as inseparable, irreplaceable and totally queer (not to be taken literally of course!) For months now, we have seriously considered passing on our unuqiely unbeatable status to some worthy pair — but we have finally come to the conclusion that no one, but no one, could possibly fill the shoes of Cook and Clark (who both, incidentally, wear size 12 D!). It's really a shame, but ever since last November, we haven't been able to find anyone who rightfully deserves our famous box of Ritz!!
I, Mike McCarthy, being of no mind and sagging, underdeveloped body, leave to this school three things. First, my I, Bruce Little, former presi- gym suit which stands erect all dent of the senior class, will to by itself, to be displayed as a Richard Lowrence, an out- tribute to four years of rolickspoken junior whom I do not ing fun and games with four personally know, my world's rolicking gym teachers. Second, record of 11 days in office as for a httle touch of class, an a senior class officer. I also ash tray stolen from the arcade give him my copy of How to at the Playboy Club, to be used Win Friends and Influence Peo- in the C-140 smoking lounge. ple, in the hope that he too will Third, three moldy sweaters I become a fine young man and wore my first three years. Each be a better person for his bad sweater conveniently hid 30 pounds of flesh hanging on my experience. body. We, Ann Flannery and Debbie We, Sue Bisbee, Kathy DeHooper, being of outstanding bodies and liberated minds, lana, Sue Franta, Debbie Kuen, leave our "Happy Pigs" to any Margaret Monti, Julie Leithner, and all girls foolish enough to Sue Rodetius and Irene Ruttake Bio ZAP (otherwise known zen, will to next year's first as IIAP). and our reputations period girls' gym class a reas "the liberationists" to be de- served table for eight at Howfended in all classes, especially ard Johnsons in the hope that government. We also leave the they wiU use it in the best of thankless job of stage manager faith. to anyone who can stand the I, Jeff Cragg, being of — frustration of being screamed mind and — body, to Richard M. at by hysterical directors, light- (Mover) Gatti, junior, who, in ing heads, etc., and to the- time of need, has been able to many underclass males we pull a girl out of his pocket at leave cur love and respect for any set time or place, I leave the fine old art of cradle rob- my honored, cherished, and bing. "slightly well used" "Mover of We, the infamous Reil's Coach the Week" award to be used House Gang, consisting of Bill toward the incoming cuties of Reilly, Tim Milburn, Brad Karn- Junior High. And to the Drama stedt. John Bokosky. D a v e Department who put out a fanSmaus, Tony Rodham, Brian tastic musical in Hello, Dolly!, Nagle. Bruce Little. Lou Col- I leave (with a tear in my letlo, Geoff Engerman. John eye) my graceful ballet slippers Barr, Jack Szafran. Rick Ku- to be worn by another graceful cera, Warren Yamakoshi, Rick artist such as Miss Barbara Meyer, Jim Lange, Ed Melia, Bobrich (who never could afBob Seitz, Jeff Shoemaker, Jay ford her own black shoes with Rasmussen, and sundry others, lacy ties). being of high minds and motionWe, the eighth period peanut less bodies, do bequeath to gallery in Mr. Faulhaber's Gov-
Department Award Music K r i s t a McLean
Department Award Boys' Physical Ed Randall Steinberger
ernment-Democracy .A.ec., being of rested bodies and uninterested minds, do hereby wUl a complete set of Rand McNaUy maps so he won't have to draw those obscene diagrams. We also will a book of sick jokes to counter his PUNishment. I, Dave Heidom, having not* yet found my mind or my body, do hereby bequeath to some unfortunate soul the prestigious office of presient of German Club. Having enough suffered the humiliation, the meetings, and the bold parties of the club, I must force myself to step down from this time-honored position and give somebody else who needs to pass German a chance. I, Steve Miller, being of eccentric mind and unethical body, do hereby bequeath my big mouth, bubbling spirit and my devil-may-care attitude to Patti Guerin, as long as she promises to lend me some of it when I need it. To Mr. Deines I leave an old pair of Raliegh Squares by Kinney, the kind with the three-inch Cuban heels. I, Pam Sakowicz, being of too sound mind and "untouched" . body, hereby bequeath my "clean" slate at Maine South to any incoming freshman who thinks he can maintain it for four years. The Sensuous Woman and Sensuous Couple to Mr. Siikowski to finish his set, and my column "Wrap-It-Up" to any student who's dumb enough to take it. We, Gale Minnice and Katie Hester, bequeath to Mr. Mahon a Tastee Freeze at the North Pole with a three-year lease that can't be broken. I, Paul Serguta, having afairly sound mind, calloused hands, and lightning fast reactions, do hereby leave to Tony Milano full rights to the main" curtain. To Steve Schalk I leave my trusty backstage fire extinguisher, may it serve him well. My tweezers and rope slivers shall be divided between them equally. Lastly I leave to anybody who wants them my gym shoes guaranteed to set them apart in any crowd. We, Gayle Bore, Julie Leithner, Martha Shute, Ja>'ne Heller, Megan Parks, and Peggy Papuga, being of sound mind and having been told we're of sound body will Mr. J. Dcherty to any naive junior who wants him. I, Jennir Redelman, being of distraught mind and dialingdistressed fingers, leave the public telephone number of Luan LoPresti to all the love-distressed junior girls who can't afford eight cents to write to .Annie. I, Bill Bornmann, do hereby will one slightly used plaster leg cast complete with signatures to Jim Herring so that he too may enjoy watching others fence whUe he can merely look on, knowing that he could have done better. More Wills <« other Pages-
Department Award Girls Physical E d Anne Franzblau