Southern Jewish Life, Deep South, November 2021

Page 46

We are happy to host your chanukah party and other simchas Come for Our social hour 4:00 p.m. Drink Specials and Small Bites

Then Stay for dinner starting 5:00 p.m.

Formerly Bobby Carl’s Table Open Tuesday-Saturday Cocktails & Bites 4:00 Dinner 5:00-9:00

2031 Cahaba Road, English Village (205) 202-4760

rear pew mirror • doug brook

Tomorrow’s Leaders The Talmud says, “find yourself a teacher.” The rabbis might have been in a tall mood when they said that, but they probably didn’t have in mind what these poor religious school students endured with the teacher they found. Weep for the future of the Jewish people while reading these actual, real-life accounts of interactions with fifth through seventh graders. *** Teacher: For next time, just one thing to do. Be perfect. Student: Oh, okay, no presh. Teacher: Right. No “presh.” Student: Oh. Umm. Ok. You had to do that. Bye... (Moral: Teachers aren’t hip enough to say “presh.”) *** Student: <mispronounces “tziVAH” as “tzi-OOH”> Teacher: <corrects student> Student: What does tzivah mean? Teacher: It means “commanded.” Student: What does tzi-ooh mean? Teacher: It means you pronounced the word wrong. *** Teacher: Those four verses were so good you can add the fifth. Student: And if I’d done them really badly… Teacher: …you’d still be adding the fifth. *** Student (online): My dad said hi. Teacher: I’d ask you to tell him how I said you’re doing, but you’ll tell him I said you’re doing great. Student: Dad, he said I’m doing great! Dad: I don’t believe him. *** Teacher: Is that letter a Samech or a SHamech? Student: A shamech? Teacher: Are you sure? Student: Why? Teacher: There’s no such letter as a shamech. *** Teacher: I bet you didn’t know your haftarah (from the book of Jeremiah) mentions California. Student: No, it doesn’t. Teacher: Sure it does. Right there it says “Carmel by the sea.” Really. Student: I don’t think they meant the same one. Teacher: Are you sure? Student: You’re going to get fired if people start believing you. *** Student: Are we meeting in the chapel? Teacher: Yes. (Sings:) “We’re going to the chapel, and we’re gonna do Torah reading…” *** Student: Wait, what word am I on? Teacher: You’re at “v’et mizbach.” Not to be confused with “v’et mizbeethoven.” (No, the student didn’t get it. Yes, schools need more arts instruction.) *** Student: You make it sound so easy. Teacher: It is easy. As soon as you make it not be so difficult anymore, continued on previous page

Hebrew School was never like this…


November 2021 • Southern Jewish Life

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