the beholder’s eye • doug brook
18
Rebbe Wan Kenobi
This is Your Chai
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In the beginning, there was a An Exclusive Interview question. It was a warm, sunny, summer Shabbat morning, A short timewhen ago, in an a Starbucks not far, far away… unsuspecting woman was …it was realized that Starbuck, being central character in Bat- that approached in a synagogue parking lot,aand asked the question tlestar Galactica, was causing a mixing of franchises. So, the short would launch a thousand quips. time ago moved to a Peet’s, slightly less far, far away... “Do you think you know four rabbis who would prefer people sleeping through sermon, rather than talking duringfranchise, it?” She said, “probably.” … the where the elder statesman of an iconic Obi-Wan From that came the headline, sleeping during sermon.” Kenobi, sat down for a cup“Rabbis of coffee,prefer and for a major revelation… In that first fateful column, 18 years ago, her innocuous “probably” was the basis of the scientific assertion that four out of five rabbis prefer Thank you for taking the time. Might I say, you have quite a glow about sleeping during a sermon. From where came the fifth rabbi? Simple: you. When was the last time five rabbis agreed on anything? Thus, four out I get that a lot these days. of five. Let’s right to it.integrity What’s your revelation? The get journalistic and major investigative skills demonstrated there Billions people operated forcareer decades under a false assumption. could haveofeasily ledhave to a prestigious today in covering the Middle The Jedi Order that is so well-known, is actually The Rabbi Order. every East for most major news outlets. But instead, this column labored month Excuse(except me? for the ones that were missed), and sometimes twice monthly, to almost several to second its almost several readers. Of course.bring I believe it’s past thelaughs counter, door on the right. It rode the sound waves of The Southern Shofar though, despite How is thisstipulation, possible? never rode in the seat behind a Southern contractual For thousands of years, suffered things being lost Chauffeur. It then spoke the in Rabbis its ownhave Deep Southfrom Jewish Voice, before in translation. It’s an all too common mistake. settling in to Southern Jewish Life‘s hind end — unless you read the magazine right to left,inwhich doesfar, not far make most of the today You’re saying that, a galaxy away, there arenews rabbis whomake run more, orinless, sense. around cloaks, wielding lightsabers to keep order? OverExcept the years, thislightsabers column presented of the That recentlyYes. for the on Shabbatthe—wisdom no electricity. prodiscovered, Mishnah tractate Bava Gump among hibition doeslong-lost cause some problems — pretty easy to which, know when to other gang things, teaches bereligious kosher. school classes are much more up on us. But, onhow theshrimp positivecan side, The column retold the legendary adventures of the beloved young orderly. kabbalist, Harry Plotzer, and his adventures with The Sanhedrin’s Stone, So, it wasn’t the Jedi who were wiped out, but all the rabbis? through The Chamber of Shpielkis, and with The Prisoner of Ashkenaz Another exaggeration. Of course, there have been times in history and The Gabbai of Fire, though not yet getting to The Deadly Challahs. when rabbis were targeted. After one particularly bad instance in time, I Occasionally there were guests, such as the recurring one due to a harewent into hiding. I changed my name and went into a self-imposed exile brained rabbinical typo, Ask the Rabbit, as well as Gurb the Caveman until the time was right to return. Rabbi, and the occasional special report from The Oynion. You didn’twere change your name very much. Explored calendar anomalies and events, real and surreal, such as It was enough, though, wasn’t it?Nidre I was the never found untilChrisnukah, I wanted to Thanksnukah, Mezuzapalooza, Kol 13th, Purover, be found. You like Rosh the name change —and it’s Day the strongest evidence Yomtober, andshould the pirated Hashaarrrnah of Aarrrtonement. of my Theroots. chorus of “Bubbe’s Been Run Over By a Reindeer” was sung, the Rebbe got his bell rung, and the Grinch who hated Jew-ville How at dothe youBat mean? had his hatred I simply wentunstrung. by the name of Ben Kenobi — son of Kenobi. In case it wasn’t apparent, this is the 18th anniversary of this space So,being the stories fromInthe six films so far aren’t entirely accurate to seem what not for rent. honor of this Chai anniversary, it would actually happened? appropriate to toast it with some chai tea. That’s These drashrabbinic you’re looking Exceptcorrect. that chai teaaren’t has the baffled scholarsfor… for hundreds of seconds. (“Should we have seconds? Is one cup enough? Let’s drink on Can you give an example? it.”Luke’s ) Afteroriginal all, chai is not isn’t pronounced Chai, though cup of chai training at all whatlike I intended. I was asimply telling makes easierYom to pronounce Chai. And some say that chai has properties him to it attend Kippur services. that help to extend one’s life, one’s Chai. How is that even possible? And what is chai tea’s relationship to Thai Iced Tea? Is there such a Common misconception. I didn’t say to him, “You will go to the Dagothing as Thai Chai Tea? If there is, are its effects best described as tai chi bah system. There you will learn from Yoda…” I said, “You will go to the for the digestive system? Day of Atonement service. There you will learn from Yonah…” These are questions to ponder during this High Holy Day season, Are youperhaps saying that biblical prophetonJonah a tiny little guy though not the late afternoon Yomwas Kippur. Thisgreen column continued on on theprevious previous page continued
38 Southern Jewish Life • October 2014