Celebrate Your Financial Health
The Beholder’s Eye by Doug Brook
Staying up to date We’ve secretly replaced the Biblical setting of these ancestral assignations with 21st-century online dating. Let’s see if they notice.
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Eliezer: Hey. Rebecca: Hey. Eliezer: New on JDate? Rebecca: Yes. You? Eliezer: Yes. Well, no. I mean, I’m not on JDate for me. Rebecca: Excuse me? Eliezer: Well, I work for this guy named Abraham… Rebecca: Look, I don’t think… Eliezer: Let me explain. He’s got this son, Isaac. He’s a good guy. But he’s stuck at home, and Abraham, his father, wants him to have a wife from his birthplace — which is where you’re from. Rebecca: A wife? Jesus, buy a girl dinner first, at least. Eliezer: Who’s Jesus? Rebecca: Some Jewish carpenter. But he’s a little too young for me. Eliezer: Anyway, before I left, Abraham made me swear that I would not bring a wife for his son Isaac from the daughters of the Canaanites, so I put my hand under his thigh and vowed… Rebecca: You put what where? Eliezer: Never mind. You’re right. I If some of our can’t do this. I told him that a woman might not want to return with me. I asked foremothers and him if I could bring Isaac with me, and threefathers met he made me swear that wouldn’t happen, online… too. Sorry to have wasted your time. Rebecca: Wait, wait. It’s okay… Is he a good match? Eliezer: As your years go by with him, you’ll find him only more blinded by love for you. Rebecca: Easy, killer. Tell you what, let’s meet at the local watering hole. The one in Aram Naharaim? Eliezer: Sure! I’ll meet you there! I’ll be the one with 10 camels. Rebecca: Thank you, I don’t smoke. By the way, is he young? Eliezer: Who, Isaac? Sure. He’s… His life so far has been as short as a stroll your descendants might take through the desert. Speaking of Isaac and Rebecca’s descendants…
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July 2014
Southern Jewish Life
Jacob: Hey. Rachel: That’s how you say hello to a lady? Jacob: Sorry. I’m glad I found you on here. Rachel: Me, too. Jacob: It was nice meeting you at the local watering hole. It’s turning into a family tradition. Rachel: Your family hangs out at bars? Jacob: No. I mean my father met his wife at a local watering hole. Well, actually, my grandfather’s servant met her there, and he brought her home to him. Rachel: Servant? Your family can afford servants... Interesting… It was nice meeting you, too! You come around here often? Jacob: I only needed to once to meet you. Rachel: LOL.
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