RELATIONSHIPS BY ALLISON KAY BANNISTER
TRADING IN SHAMING FOR UNDERSTANDING
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When I was invited to re-explore the topic of
Relationship Stock Photo © Adobe Stock
We started talking about what’s different in 2024, versus a few years ago, and the big a-ha came right out of the gate, with Jen noting that she’s been witnessing a real desire to build (or rebuild) a sense of community and to “hold space for
women shaming, an idea popped into my head
one another.” Exiting a period of relative isolation, many of us have been wanting
almost immediately. Though a summer ago already,
to find our people. And we’re being especially selective about who we surround
I was still thinking about America Ferrera’s
ourselves with, as well as what we hope to gain from these relationships.
monologue in the Barbie movie. If I’ve lost you
“The women I’m working with in my travel retreats want to be with people
here, don’t worry. The gist of her character’s speech
who understand the phase of life they’re in,” Dawn said. “They want to be in a
was to recount the many ways that women struggle
supportive group and not be in competition anymore.”
under the expectations of other people. And often
Part of getting there comes from our own self-discovery; being real and being
fall short of those expectations, through no action of
honest with ourselves and being comfortable with who we are—and, at times,
their own. She ends, in part, by saying:
taking others’ examples of self-confidence and self-acceptance as inspiration.
“I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us.” I cried during it. What brought out the Kleenex? And why did I think her words resonated so much that I could center my examination of women shaming
“We’ve started to realize that we’re all in this together, that we need each other, and we’re stronger for that,” Dawn said. “I call that ‘borrowing one another’s bravery.’” “I’ve noticed many more women feeling unafraid to stand out for who they are, and not try to fit in anymore,” Terri said. “When we get to shine, there are people who are attracted to our shine, and our tribe comes to us.” “That’s a power, but not a power over others; it’s a power that comes out of us.”
in this new era around it? To get some answers, I
Jen added. “We’re drawing and attracting what we want for ourselves. When we
gathered a few women in my circle to discuss.
get magnetic and our power is magnetic, we’re unstoppable.”
I’m lucky to have a lot of remarkable women in
So, wait, what about that Barbie speech? We all agreed that we’ve reached an
my life, so thinking about who to engage in this
age where pleasing others just isn’t as much of a thing. When we find ourselves—
conversation wasn’t difficult. The first to come to mind were Terri Spaulding, who teaches Mindful Musical Movement (and more) and runs Wellness with Terri; Jen Bullen, somatic healing coach and owner of Rising Strong Wellness; and Dawn Pick Benson, transformational travel coach and creator of the Brave Journey program. And they all enthusiastically said, “Yes!” That’s when things got really interesting.
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“I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us.”