DATING & RELATIONSHIPS
Can You Choose To Fall Out Of Love? How science is venturing into the realm of romance
Monica Karpinski is a writer and editor focused on women’s health, sex, and relationships. She is the founder of women’s health media platform The Femedic 52 • NOVEMBER 2023
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ack in 2017, US rapper Dessa was caught in an all-toofamiliar struggle: she was still in love with her ex. She’d fallen for him at age 21, yet couldn’t shake her feelings over a decade later. One evening, Dessa discovered the work of biological anthropologist, Dr Helen Fisher, who has shown how the brain behaves when you’re in love. Inspired, she wondered: if there is a biological basis to love, perhaps there’s a way to force it out of us? So, she connected with a team of neuroscientists at the University of Minnesota, to see if they could train her brain to respond to her ex in a different way. It appeared to work. This experiment is one of a few to investigate how, and whether, we can consciously curb our feelings of romantic love. And to a degree, some studies suggest that it’s possible. When feelings of love pop up, say from thinking about your main squeeze, parts of your brain that make the “feel good” chemical dopamine become active. Notably, the ventral tegmental area (VTA) lights up, which is part of the brain’s reward system. It’s associated with motivation, goal-oriented behaviour, and also craving.