the children halle preneta
there is a child’s voice playing over the loudspeaker, telling a story, and my smile at the sound is so bright it would’ve blinded you. there is a child bouncing a stuffed bear around my torso, making it speak to me, telling me it likes me, and i play along in a high pitched voice you could hear from countries away. there are children running around a post, acting like i am evil and therefore need to be avoided, and i play with them among their hyena-pitched laughs and happy screams of delight. there is a child who is suddenly hugging me, saying “i like you” muffled through my hoodie and on instinct, i hug back and say “aww, thank you. i think you’re pretty cool too.” when i write to you later, i write that these kids are giving me a purpose through depression and anxiety and loss of love for life so full. they make life so bright, they see the world changing before their very eyes, they tell wacky stories that take me on adventures i could never come up with on my own. you say i shouldn’t romanticize life. and you’re right, maybe i shouldn’t. but when my friend says “you seem like the kind of person who won’t have kids of her own but instead, will view your students as your kids,” i know she is right. i know i want to build a family around unknown souls. i know i want to build a brighter world the more i see it through their magical wonder filter. i know i want to build a safe space for them, a space where they can just be who they are without fear. i know i want to build something that has a purpose, has a meaning, has life overflowing, glimmering like glitter in sunlight reflected as shadows on walls. i want to build a new world, a new future for the kids who hug me because they need it. i want to build a new world, a new future for every kid that plays with me because they have no one else to play with. i want to build a new world, a new future for every kid that’s ever felt alone because i know that feeling too well and no one deserves to feel it. i want to build a home for these kids, brimming with their wild wonder and curiosity and life so bright it might just blind you. 09