The key to healing By Sheila Vijeyarasa
O
ur mother is our first love. For nine months in utero, we are but one. There is no one else in our life with whom we have such a primordial relationship. In the womb, we begin a process of inheriting an imprint from our mothers of what it means to be a woman. When a mother gives birth, a process of separation between the mother and daughter begins. I have come from a line of strong women. Strong because they have had to endure difficulties. My mother had an arranged marriage and migrated to a new country leaving behind her whole family at a young age. My grandmother’s husband died suddenly of a heart attack when she was in her forties. On one hand I was gifted the generational virtues of my female elders;- strength, tenacity and resilience, - and on the other, I inherited their ‘mother wounds’. 12 Peninsula Kids – Winter 2021
Science has shown that trauma can leave a chemical mark on a person's genes, which is passed down to subsequent generations. Epigenetic gene expression means that the feelings, traumas and memories of previous generations may be experienced in my life as true, even though the environment is different. The core belief of the ‘mother wounding’ is ‘There’s something wrong with me’. When I would say to myself, ‘Am I worthy?’ I came to realise that this was not my voice, but a voice from many generations ago. All of us have mother wounds, to some extent; the generational differences and the discord with the patriarchy through generations means no one really escapes this fate. What varies is how significantly the impact presents itself in your life; it may be a shadow that you need to walk with, or the wound may run deeper and require deeper healing to transform your life.