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PALATINATE | Thursday 9th February 2023
Palstrology
Gabi Gordon and Eve Kirman, a prophetic pair, look to the stars to offer some Valentine’s insight Aquarius
Taurus
Leo
Scorpio
As your season comes to an end, it’s time to let love into your life once and for all. Break down those walls that have been holding you back from commitment, they are thinner than you think.
This week brings self-realisation – you will finally start to recognise your self worth. If your relationship is no longer sparking joy, it’s time to spark them out.
Venus is entering your intimacy zone, perhaps that prolonged eye contact in the Billy B can lead to something more.
All eyes are on you – and it’s not a bad thing this time. Strut your stuff down the Bailey and you just might get scouted for Scczqccccfs.
Pisces
Gemini
Virgo
Sagittarius
With Venus joining Saturn in Aquarius, you’re going to have a profound realisation. Valentine’s Day is a capitalist myth. think.
This week brings self-Time to update your LinkedIn page and check your direct messages. You never know, one of your future business connections could be the shampoo to your conditioner.
Due to your recent romantic endeavours, you didn’t quite manage to steer clear of the wave of tonsillitis going around college at the moment it’s ok to turn to Calpol (it isn’t just for children).
That grotty old shed that you call a house will feel more homely than ever this week, invite people round for a cuppa. You’ll be able to spend some much-needed time away from your Lego obsessed beau.
Aries
Cancer
Libra
Capricorn
Venus will bring you gifts in the form of love this week, and don’t be rolling your eyes like you normally do. If someone asks you to Riverview, just brave the queue.
The Sun-Mars Trine (we’ve never heard of this either) signifies it’s time to get in touch with your emo side. Perhaps you should request ‘Sk8ter boi’ from DJ Dave next time you see him.
As you are ruled by the romantic Venus, it seems impossible to not get swept up by your situationship. You can still enjoy tacky Valentine’s gifts while giving some much needed attention to your friendships.
Communication is more than important than ever and no one thinks so more than your partner lecturers. Be more concise.
20th Jan – 18th Feb
20th Apr – 20th May
19th Feb – 20th Mar
21st May – 21th Jun
21st Mar – 19th Apr
22nd Jun – 22nd Jul
23rd Jul – 22nd Aug
23rd Aug – 22nd Sep
23rd Sep – 23rd Oct
24th Oct - 21st Nov
22nd Nov - 21st Dec
22nd Dec - 19th Jan
(Images: Nicole Wu)
Q
CASTLE
Q
VAN MILDERT
Dear Violet, I am beginning to get stressed out, as my situationship has left me on delivered for nearly six days. We went on a few dates last term, and she even cooked me dinner. But out of the blue, she’s disappeared! Do I double message, or will that make me look desperate? Please bless me with your wisdom.
Dear Violet, I am quite frankly losing the will to live. I was straightening my hair last Friday, before a wild night spent wiffing and waffing to some afro beats. But I somehow managed to burn off a huge chunk of my hair! I look terribly lopsided, and I have no idea how to improve my appearance.
A
A
Dearest reader, I am so sorry to hear about this tricky situation you have found yourself in. Perhaps there is a rational explanation for why she hasn’t messaged you back. Maybe she is unwell, or stuck in a dissertation wormhole. I would encourage you to message her, but keep your tone calm and caring, rather than overbearing! Perhaps you could ask if she is okay as you haven’t heard from her in a while, and mention that you just wanted to check in. Alternatively, if you are intent on sending a more heated message, you could wait until your next night out - and at least that way you can blame your behaviour on the alcohol the next morning! This is a trick I myself have used from time to time, and it (sometimes) works!
Dearest reader, This does indeed sound like an upsetting predicament to be in. Fortunately, Aunty Violet has a couple of suggestions to help you out with your seared hair struggles. 1) Have you considered investing in a funky hat? The Durham fashion scene is all about quirky clothing and statement pieces. The new vintage store on North Road might possess the perfect hat to disguise your singed locks! 2) A little birdy tells me that buzzcuts are going to be totally in this February. Maybe you should take the plunge and get rid of your hair entirely. There is however the risk of revealing a rather badly shaped head. I would advise you to follow up with one of these options ASAP, so you don’t feel silly strutting about all scorched!
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PalatiDates In this edition, will Marley and Tom fall head over heels on their riverside walk date? Marley on Tom
Tom on Marley
Initial vibes? Incredibly wholesome vibes. He brought an actual map with a pre-planned route.
Initial vibes? An unfortunate bird poo incident slightly killed the vibe.
What topics arose? A comprehensive explanation of how one can use just the moon for directions.
What topics arose? A startling amount of time was spent talking about map coordinates.
How would they describe you? Like bambi on ice (I fell over twice in one hour).
How would they describe you? Big dad energies.
Describe them in three words. Adorable, wholesome, goofy.
Describe them in three words. Clumsy, sweet, witty.
Most awkward moment? When a bird pooed on me ten minutes into the date (meant to be good luck though?)
Most awkward moment? Me accidentally guiding us so far out of Durham that we had to Uber back.
Which Durham college would you place them in and why? Mary’s for the wholesome vibes.
Which Durham college would you place them in and why? Castle, nothing but the best.
Did they meet your expectations? Any surprises? His route planning skills were impressive, his route following skills not so much. We may have ended up in Pity Me.
Did they meet your expectations? Any surprises? I got more of a workout laughing at her jokes than from the walk itself.
Is a second date on the cards? Certainly, but safely indoors, I hope. Marks out of 10: 8
Is a second date on the cards? Hopefully, if I haven’t been friend-zoned, I can’t currently tell... Marks out of 10: 7
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