chicken
friedNEWS
Strip search
There’s more than one way to bring home the bacon. Oklahoma City Police say stuffing packages of the meat candy into your shirt at a grocery store shouldn’t be one of them. On March 1, Oklahoma City Police Department posted a picture to its official Facebook page of a man accused of stealing six packages of bacon from Smart Saver, 2001 NE 23rd St. The photo was taken from the store’s surveillance system. According to the Facebook post, the man left the store with $30 worth of bacon concealed under his shirt. When confronted by an employee, he refused to relinquish the breakfast staple or pay for his haul. “Hey, I like bacon as much as the next guy,” the OKCPD Facebook post said, “but you can’t just go around stealing it.” Bacon is regarded by many as one of the finest delicacies available to man. To be honest, writing about it alone is making this Chicken-Fried News writer quite hungry. There are a lot of things bacon lovers would do for a strip of the good stuff — some of which we’d probably not be proud to admit. Still, laws are laws. If everyone stole six pounds of bacon, the world would eventually run out. And who would want to live in a place without bacon? So next time you pull up a chair at your breakfast diner of choice, be thankful that there’s plenty of bacon and eggs for all of us. And be sure to save a seat for a certain hungry local news correspondent.
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Questionable judgment
The state’s Days Without a National Disgrace counter was reset to zero by Oklahoma State Rep. John Bennett, R-Sallisaw, during Muslim Day at the Capitol when he refused to meet with Muslim students unless they filled out a questionnaire in advance. Filling out a questionnaire isn’t a big deal. Why is that news? It’s not like he asked school kids a bunch of blatantly Islamophobic questions like “Do you beat your wife?” and “Do you denounce the terrorist organization Hamas?” Because that would be absur— Oh wait. That’s exactly what he did. Adding another layer of insult, Bennett then refused to meet with them. Though with his attitude, maybe he did them a favor. The Sallisaw lawmaker gained notoriety in 2014 when he posted a Facebook message that said, “The Quran clearly states that non-Muslims should be killed” and warned people to “Be wary of the individuals who claim to be ‘Muslim
American.’ Be especially wary if you’re a Christian.” “[Islam is] a cancer in our nation that needs to be cut out,” Tulsa World quoted him in September 2014, but he bristled at being labeled an Islamophobe. “For us to sit back and listen to their lies and deflection and let them continue on their claims that this is all racist and I’m an ‘Islamophobe,’ it’s just absolutely ridiculous,” Bennett said at the time, according to KFOR. Yeah. Totally ridiculous. He’s not an Islamophobe. He’s just scared of Islam and doesn’t trust Muslim Americans. You know, the definition of Islamophobia. Maybe it’s time for members of other religions to grab their texts and make appointments with Bennett. They could even discuss the bible’s Mark chapter 12, verses 30 and 31: “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.” John Bennett’s questionnaire