Friday, April 15, 2005
www.theloquitur.com
PERSPECTIVES | 11
Moving in before marriage Good idea
Big mistake
CHRISTINA WILLIAMS STAFF WRITER CMW722@CABRINI.EDU
JESSICA MARRELLA STAFF WRITER JRM722@CABRINI.EDU
One of the best ways to get to know someone is to spend quality time with them and get to know everything about them. I feel that moving in with a significant other before marriage is all right. I’ve heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest. So why not live with the person you are going to marry prior to marriage? It would seem to make sense to try living together before making a lifelong commitment to someone. I would want to make sure that I could handle living with someone before I say “I do.” I believe that the best way to know if the marriage will work is to live with the person you think is “the one” first. If two people cannot live together for a year without being married then the marriage will never last. I feel that living together before marriage will only help the marriage last longer and maybe even cut down on the divorce rates. Who wants to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding if two people cannot live together before there is an engagement ring present? For example, a friend of mine has been staying with this guy and the two of them can only live together for no more then a week at a time. These two are not on the road to marriage, thank goodness. But if they were getting married, then they would know things probably would not work out in the long run. Living together prior to marriage has given them safety net. They now know that they cannot handle living with each other, sparing them of a nasty divorce. If these two people cannot tolerate one another’s presence for more than a week then there is no way they are meant to be together. I believe that two people who are meant to be together do not mind being together all the time. Living together before marriage does not mean that the couple will necessarily cut themselves off from the rest of the world. Sure it could happen, but the same could happen for two people who are just married. They may want to spend as much time together as possible, therefore cutting off the rest of the world.
Two people who live together before they are married are going to have to work at their relationship just as hard as those who are married or engaged and are living together. If one of the people in the relationship thinks the other person is “the one” then they will work to make their differences work. No matter if there is a ring on anyone’s finger, the two in the relationship should always be willing to work at the relationship and give 100 percent. I also come from an old-fashioned home where my parents would like to see me married before moving in with a boyfriend or fiancée. However, I also do not want to spend money on a wonderful wedding without getting to know how my other half lives prior to the wedding. I love my family enough not to make them pay for an expensive wedding and have the relationship collapse in the end. I can honestly say I do not know whom I will be with in a year or two years from now. Although if it happens to be that I am in a serious relationship, I hope that whoever I am with will be willing to live together before getting married to put our relationship to the test.
V S
I don’t understand the thought process of people who decide to move in with their significant other while they’re still in the dating stage of their relationship. I’ve heard the reason time and time again, “You don’t know someone until you live with them and I want to see if this is the person I’m meant to be with.” That’s a bunch of bs. Living with someone doesn’t decide if you’re going to spend the rest of you life together, it’s what you feel that’s the determining factor. If you feel as though this might be “the one” I would hope that you could live with that person. If you are engaged or married, obviously, I think that living together is fine. I just feel that people who are dating change their mind too easily about if they want to be with the person they’re living with. Maybe for some, living together while dating has ended happily ever after, but not in the cases that I’ve seen. Two friends of mine who were dating moved in together at the beginning of their sophomore year of college after they had been dating for two years. Keep in mind that this was a couple that everyone could picture being together forever. Sure, at first things were great, but midway through their junior year they broke up. They are still living together and sleep in the only bed they have in the one room of the apartment because what other
housing options do you have when you’re away from home and half way through the school year? After being together for three and a half years, the girl started questioning whether she wanted to see other people. Granted someone who is married can also find themselves questioning their relationship. I just think that when you’re married you take into consideration the life commitment that you made and you will work harder at the relationship. On the other hand, you hear younger couples saying things like “we’re young and should be dating around” or “it’s not like we’re married or anything.” And with that the relationship is over. Something else that bothers me is that people who are dating and live together cut off the rest of the world; that’s not healthy for a relationship. I think that a person’s independence is important and a person should be able to stand on their own two feet when their significant other isn’t around. I’ve seen couples who sit at home together constantly and spend every waking moment together completely disregarding the other important people in their lives. No matter how many times you invite them to go out it’s always the same response, “no we’re just going to stay in.” Then they wonder where all of their friends have gone. Personally, being raised in an old-fashioned family, my parents would prefer to see me married before moving in with someone; although being engaged is arguable, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. I can confidently say that I plan on spending the rest of my life with my boyfriend. I don’t need to live with him to know that, I know that I want to be with him from how I feel. Whether we move in together tomorrow, or later down the road when we’re engaged, eventually I know that we will be moving in together. In a nutshell, I don’t think that living with someone creates a strong love but rather that a strong love gives you the ability to live together.