Thursday, September 16, 2004
Perspectives | 11
www.theloquitur.com
Debate: Bush or Kerry? Come election time, who will you vote for? Four New Years Four More Years LAUREN REILLY NEWS EDITOR LMR722@CABRINI.EDU This November, I suggest that we do what’s best for the United States and not reelect an idiot to lead our country into our next huge embarrassing failure. I know many of you would consider that statement a bit rash, and maybe you’re right; I’m sure that George W. Dumbass is an intelligent man stuck in a moron’s body. After all, he has “coined new words like misunderstanding and hispanically,” leaving me to believe that our country will continue to grow and prosper, so long as we don’t need literacy to maintain a stable democracy. Don’t get me wrong; George W. Schmuck has many fine qualities. I hear he golf’s like it’s his job (resulting in the tendency to refer to himself in third person as “Tiger,” which usually complicates senate meetings), an avid reader of picture books, and when the going gets tough, he has a reliable cabinet of magic 8-balls to consult (Bush: “Does Saddam have weapons of mass destruction?” Magic 8-ball: “Concentrate and ask again.” Bush: “Damnit 8-ball! You know I can’t consecrate!”). “They misunderestimated me.” Really? I wonder why? It may have something to do with that slightly spooked, everlasting “oops, I tooted” smirk on your face. I would love to continue on about how our president, one of the most important people on Earth, has incredible charisma and an impeccable rational (if by charisma you mean stupidity and by rational, grammar); however, it just occurred to me that I’d rather pluck my own eyeballs out with a rusty screwdriver and watch myself bleed to death. Unfortunately, I lack the means to the end, so while a search for some sort of instrument that will slowly and painfully put me out of my misery, let me say my piece. Let’s start with war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. John Kerry, if elected, plans to re-establish and create alliances globally, with the intentions to: prevent and eventually put a stop to terrorism; stop the spread of nuclear, biological and chemical weapons; and finally, to promote democracy, freedom, and opportunity around the world. World peace? That’s crazy talk. Why try to work together for a better cause when you can just bomb the hell out of their less fortunate, most likely
impoverished and oppressed country? Hey George W. Turd, I know this “foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating,” but we probably shouldn’t piss off the entire world; it could put us at a disadvantage. Is that word too big for you? Let me simplify: It is bad. Now I’m not some nonpit shaving, hippie feminist, but I’d like to make this much clear: No man can, or will, tell me what I can and cannot do to my body. Pro-life you say? How about pro-vagina? That’s right, vagina. Until you, George W. Tool, have a cervix that’s fully equipped with a uterus and fallopian tubes, think again about telling women what they are entitled to. I don’t think you’d be too pleased if I, a woman, were in charge of your testicles. Trust me, the last thing you want is a chick who’s pissed off and has complete control over the family jewels. John Kerry plans on raising standards in schools, increasing school funding as well as making college tuition more affordable. Taking measures to see that the children of America have the opportunity for a plentiful education is imperative for the future of our country; the last thing we need is some rich kid whose daddy puts him through an Ivy League school where he can screw up as much as his little heart desires because when push comes to shove, dollar signs and zeros make any felony disapear…(cough) George D.W.I. Bush. If you want to vote for W. Doofus on Nov. 2, George that’s your problem. Just remember this: Muff is scar y, vote f o r Kerry.
SHAWN RICE
SMR723@CABRINI.EDU EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
VV SS
The name that you should check off in the ballot for the upcoming election is simple, George W. Bush. In a post-9/11 world, President Bush has proven capable of leading the nation against the new threats of terrorism and taking the steps to ensure a safer America. A certain filmmaker who will remain nameless would like the general public to believe Bush is a poor leader because of the first seven minutes following the crashes into the World Trade Center. The president reacted no differently than what any other human being would under the circumstances, with shock and disbelief. In the first 100 days following 9/11, Bush reacted with the leadership needed to console and reassure the people that he would use every means possible to bring the terrorists to justice. What defined Bush’s legacy were the days after 9/11 where we saw a president take swift action against a growing threat, terrorism, for the safety of his nation and its citizens. Slowly, the economy is rebounding and jobs are being created. The president has recently created 144,000 jobs and has an agenda to generate more. In order to help educate and train highAmerican skilled workers in schools and colleges, Bush will provide $500 million for jobs of the 21st Century.
Bush proposes a plan to give our generation a chance at a decent retirement. There is no doubt that the nation’s debt will be handled by our generation. The president suggests workers invest some Social Security assistance into a “personal savings account.” I like the idea because it allows the people to rely on themselves more to reach their individual goal. This should be in conjunction with not exclusive of government involvement to assure a comfortable retirement, which is what the American dream is all about. Consumer spending following 9/11 was a dark time indeed but the Bush administration sent out much needed rebate checks to boost economic spending. The idea is simple; people with money can use that money to purchase or invest which in turn will stimulate economic growth. You can accuse the Republicans of just issuing fat checks to the rich but face it the rich are the ones who invest in business and hire more workers thus encouraging a more stable economy. That’s not to say we should go by whatever makes the rich happy. My opinion is that I would rather see middle class America have more of their tax money for spending instead of being the ones paying the highest taxes. The problem I see with John Kerry is that he is not a product of Democratic unity rather he is the result of Bush haters willing to put up any candidate even one lacking the abilities needed for the presidency. Kerry is untested in the oval office and he is indecisive when it comes to the issues. First, Kerry supports the No Child Left Behind program and then changes his stance on the issue? Kerry has flip-flopped on the issues before and he will continue to do so in the future. Kerry was one of many senators who voted for the war on Iraq. Now he tells the public he is against it. Sure, that’s great now but where was this voice before for the public. Regardless of who you support in this election, I encourage all those eligible to register and to vote. It is not only your right but also your duty as a United States citizen to participate in the electoral process.